Intrepid explorer Neil Cathan, reporting for duty exploring...um, something. Eh,
I kinda like the way “Intrepid explorer Neil Cathan” sounds. Anyway, as you all know by now, I'm here to review
all the exciting action of the B-Companies PPV. Three days late by the time I write it, and about 5 or 6 by the time it's
posted. Making this just about as useful as a French man in a not being rampantly homosexual contest. See, I've twigged. You
guys hate it when reviewers on this site aren't being horrible to others, and love it when we're massively politically incorrect
(See: Joe Merrick and black people) Anyway, long lead in that's inspired by me having just watched zero punctuation and being
convinced that I can be as funny as Yahtzee (wrong again) aside, on with the show:
Now much like last month's show,
this show has something everyone knows about before the recap. UNLIKE last month's show, we didn't all see it coming 20 miles
off in a dark room while wearing sunglasses and trying not to. This being, in case you lived under a rock since Sunday (Or
don't care enough to find out, I wouldn't blame you), Joe's “shoot” promo, and whether it was a work or not. So,
Wrestling With Shadow's like, I will endeavour to provide information on how things effect the final act throughout the evening.
Because I'm just that good to you. You owe me though.
...Holy shit. Considering I don't normally bother will all that
lead in stuff, that was a bit...long. Remember, long lead ins are because I love you. So is the fact that I'm missing the
Heroes finale for this. Show your love by voting for me in the end of year awards. Or if you hate me, show that you hate me
by doing that too.
Angle Alliance backstage. Styles says things “don't make sense” thank you AJ for summing
TNA up. Kurt Angle and AJ are talking about joining with Christina and whether they should. Didn't that get decided on Charley's
Hype video doesn't have an over dramatic voice over. There's just something in my eyes...I'm not crying because
I miss it. Honest.
Team 3D and Johnny Devine vs Motor City Machismos
like 3D as heels. That said, I loved them as heels in ECW. And the best thing about tag team wrestling come out. Hell, the
best thing in TNA at the moment. Black machismo comes out to join his partners.
Apparently a tag in/out deal rather
than an everything at once. Bubba Ray Dudley has lost all his mic skills. Shelley and Devine kick us off. Divine with a a
suplex and inverted curb stomps. Shelley gets a headscissors, and tags Sabin. Devine down in corner and all faces slingshot
in on the guy. Awesome. Sabin with dancing shots. Devine tags in D-Von, who is DTH'd before starting to out power Sabin. Sabin
floats over an avalanche and ranas D-Von. Lethal takes it to D-Von before he powerslams Lethal, breaking the momentum. Bubba
chops Lethal in the corner. Bubba and Lethal trade shots. Armbar and topes the arm across the ropes. NICE. Armdrags, but Bubba
takes him out, and is no selling the great working the arm. TOTAL ELIMINATION! I will ALWAYS mark for that move. Well synced
suicide dives by all three faces. Young exciting faces own old fat guys on the outside. Which is unusual booking for this
company. Team 3D bring a table into the ring. They start to bring another in, but the guns dropkick the table on them. Lovely
lariat combo on Devine, followed by a german suplex/sunset flip. 3D did something while I was writing. I'll assume it was
kind of crappy. Don West calls the Death Drop “A double team move”. Tool. Table set up in the corner. BM is still
selling being thrown onto the ramp. The pain. BM is back, and is immediately taken out. Sabin shoulderblocks Shelley out of
the way of a table, and BM dodges, making Ray hit the table. Fisherman's TKO by Devine on Lethal. Looked really nice. Devine
tries the MMG#s table attack, but table is lifted and used on him. Did I mention that I love that team? MMG set Devine up
on apron to go through table, but Bubba saves. D-Von sets a table up for Devine to dive Shelley through, but Shelley dodges,
and Devine throws himself through the table. Sledge in the ring n D-Von. Table set up, going for a double suplex, but Bubba
moves the table. Stiff chop on Shelley. Table from earlier is set up, and Shelley turns the start of the 3D into a great DDT.
BM slingshot shoulderblocks Ray. Ref bumps, Devine in with a cane, gets caned, much to my enjoyment, and is elbow dropped
through the table. 3D place Devine on top of BM, and the ref gives the finish to 3D and Devine.
Man, that was a great
match. Shame about the dodgy finish.
Winners: Team 3D and Johnny Devine
Joe and Nash promo. It is mentioned
that Hall has no showed. Joe looks pissed off. Nash talks about how he joined with Angle to get with his wife, then why the
hell did you reject her advances? Continuity Don't (Sued for gimmick infringement. Had to stop.) Joe talks about how Hall
and Nash don't take the business seriously. Definitely a work. Roxie and ODB come out. Followed by the boobies team.
Roxi Levaux and ODB vs Angel Williams and Someone who's name I don't know or care about.
ODB chant. Angel (or maybe the other one) with chops and a take down. Velvet Skye is the other one's name. Angel Williams
might be called Angel Love. Crowd like ODB, and they pose off.
Hot blonde no.1 rides and then wedgies ODB. Right. ODB indulges
in ref shenanigans. Knee to Velvet's back by Roxi, and ODB lariats and gets a two count. Voodoo queen overpowers Velvet, and
charge in corner meets boot, and the return charge gets a spinebuster. Tree of woe doubleteam. The turnbuckle between ODB's
legs is stopped. Angelina Love. That's her name. Knee to ODB's face, and a hurricarana and a jumping neckbreaker. Cool, nice
to see there's a worker in this match. ODB goes to the outside. She was probably over the limit and about to get tossed out
anyway. Superkick/legsweep combo on Roxi. Gets 3.
Winners: That one, and that other one. I might remember their names
J.B and Angle talk. And argue, and it's a bit lame. Then Angle and Christian talk, and it's a bit awesome.
The uneasy alliance of Angle and Christian sounds like it's going fine, until Angle says he'll be the leader. Christian puts
Angle down in an awesome way. He then puts Roode down in an awesome way. Roode calls him an asshole and Tracy says that it
takes one to know one. Recap of Young vs Storm.
Interviewer tries to get Storm's opinion on the upcoming match, but
he'll have none of it, as he's looking for beer. Jackie says he needs to take Eric Young seriously, and he can't drink until
after the match.
See? Phoenix Wright wants you to vote for me. And you can't argue with that.
Storm vs Eric Young
Storm comes out looking angry, with Jackie Moore dangling beer in front of him
as inspiration. Young makes his way out of the crowd, and destroys Storm, Storm tries a baseball slide, but Eric redirects
it to Moore. Storm begs off from Young, and Young whips Storm between the corners, and gets shoulderblocks. Storm gets Young
over the top, and he goes for the beer, but Moore won't let him. I think Moore's wasted just as a manager though. Get some
wrestling in there along with the managing, because she's really good in the ring. Storm works the arm of Young, and Moore
takes some shots on the arm while the ref's not looking. Knee drop on Young's arm, Young fights out of an Ortonlock, but Storm
bites and punches him down. There's more than one way to skin a cat, but Young only used the kind that gets him a stiff kick
and dropkick in return.
Two count on Young, and knees being repeatedly dropped on his arm looks more like
weird sex. But wrestling's not gay. Just Chris Kanyon. Eye of the storm, ad Storm takes a breather on the top ropes, but Eric
kicks out, only for Storm to put on a fujiwara armbar. Young starts to power out, but Storm cuts him off, double stomps the
arm, and goes back to an arm bar. Young gets the Oklahoma slam on Storm. Well executed, and a back drop. Discus clothesline,
well sold, and an elbow drop, well sold by Young again. Storm put on top rope, and an exploder suplex with bridge gets 2.
I would've bought that as a finish. Storm goes for the superkick, but Young powerslams him. Rollup on Storm gets two. Moore
beer spit hits Storm instead of Young, and he grabs and swigs the beer. Storm goes to hit Eric Young with the bottle, ref
stops him, and Young rolls Storm up for 3.
Winner: Eric Young
Good match. Proved that if taken seriously, Eric
Young can deliver in ring.
Don West and Mike Tenay run through the card. West accidentally buries the Booker T tag
match later tonight.
L.A.X promo. Homicide promo doesn't seem the same without all the anger. Talking about some kind
of sanction for “totally not Shelley Martinez” hitting Hemme.
Feast or Fired
Apparently, the entire of Tripe X “represents Triple X.” Useless announcer. A whole
bunch of guys come out. I can't be bothered to name them all, so I won't. Brawl happens. Oh, by the way everything here is
on a pole! Thank you Mr. Russo. The tag teams working together for now. People all get taken out of the ring, and Williams
slingshots out. Rather than taking advantage of being the one guy on his feet in the ring. Petey gets a case. Push? I hope
so. B.G James is pushed off the top rope. Kip James and his massively gay pants are beaten up by Hoyt, Harris does some stuff
with the announcers. Kip James tosses a case to B.G James. Senshi kicks Hernandez a lot. I'm all sad because this is the last
time I get to recap Senshi. And he's out of the match, getting the pink slip I'd presume as he wants his release, and walked
out on Monday. One case left, and L.A.X get their lovely slingshot/lariat/backbreaker/senton combo. Gringo Killer blocked
by Hemme, who is then hit with a slapjack by Martinez, the most obvious hidden person since Rick Roode in ECW. Those were
the days. Harris protects Shark Boy, only to set him up and take him out. Hernandez cracker jacks Sonjay Dutt onto the entire
X Division from the looks of things. Steiner starts to chop and belly to belly James Storm, Daniels stops him and goes for
the case. Gets the case, but doesn't reach the floor, so Hernandez reaches him. Daniels cases Hernandez and is fameassered
onto the case. Steiner suplexes Kip out of the ring, and gets the case. I'm saying he gets the world shot, Senshi gets the
pink slip, B.G James gets the tag shot for him and Kip, which'll suck, and Petey gets the X, which'll be as awesome as the
VKM title match'll suck.
Winners: Some guys.
Losers: Some other guys
My most anticipated match of the night
is hyped up next:
TNA Knockout Champion Gail Kim vs the undefeated Amazing Kong
be all kinds of awesome. Gail cuts a great promo on Amazing Kong. Tells Kong the only way she'll get her hands on Kim's belt
is to kill her.
Amazing Kong makes her way down to the ring, to we're not worthy bows from some fans and Kong chants.
This has a real big fight feel to it. Out next is your heroine and mine, Gail Kim.
No fancy ring attire like Kong has. Just plain clothes to the same colour of her
belt. Kong sends Kim to the outside, and the two start to fight outside. Kim is sent into the announce table, and Kim's attempts
to fight back sees her get a chop, and dropped against the railing. Kim dodges a charge and Kong is posted. Gail Kim applies
a rope assisted armbar on Kong. Kong steps back in and is charged in the corner, with Kim working the arm. Nice switch into
a sleeper by Kong, who throws Kim to the mat. Kong drags Kim against the ropes and chokes her out, Kim starts to fight back
with elbows. Gail Kim dodges an avalanche from Awesome Kong, but Kong takes her down and applies an absolutely sick Camel
Clutch. Biggest angle on the hold I've ever seen. Totally sick. Kim choked by Kong. Hair tossed all across the ring. This
is brutal. Fans are hotter than Gail Kim for this match, with our first duelling chants of the evening. Kim gets a pair of
clotheslines, but the third one meets a horrific lariat from Kong. 3 Point Stance in the corner on Kim. Kim draped in a torture
rack across Kong's back, but gets a ropebreak. Kim is put up top, and turns a charge into a triangle hanging armbar. Awesome.
Speaking of awesome, Kong continues to over power Kim, but a missed powerbomb allows Kim to get a series of running kicks
and missile dropkicks, eventually felling Kong to Huuuge pop from crowd. Top rope senton. She doesn't do the crazy flippy
move any more. Or at least I haven't seen it for a long time. Kong gets back into the match, once again overpowering Gail
Kim, and gets huge heel heat for it. Ref calls for the DQ when Kong won't break the choke and pushes him away. Better Than
Batista Bomb by Awesome Kong on the ref. Velvet saves Kim from one of her own, and is chokeslammed. Angelina Love down with
a chair, who has it punched into her face. Kong grabs the chair, and Better Than Batista Bombs Gail Kim onto it. Army of security
eventually pulls Kong off Kim.
Winner: The fans. The heel got massive heel heat, the face got massive face heat. Awesome
Kong was treated as the absolute monster she is. Kim got over for hanging with her and taking her off her feet for the first
time ever. TNA fucked it up with Samoa Joe and Abyss, but they got this monster thing right with Kong. I'm happy.
Seriously. He'll just keep bothering you if you don't agree to vote me as writer of the year.
Angle Alliance are
arguing. Because stables should never work. Apparently Karen saw Joe talking to Hall and Nash Really? Seems a bit unlikely
to me. Says they weren't getting along.
Hype video for 10,00 tacks match set to a speed metal version of a Christmas song.
Reign cuts a weird promo. Reign actually cleverly calls Crystal a ring rat when she asks about Misty. Black Reign cuts a promo
where he ruins the surprise of Raven being Abyss's partner. Also says he wants Raven's man love. But I tried to block it out.
tell us that Raven is tagging with Abyss.
Match of 10,000 tacks: Ngier klacb dna Rellik
vs Abyss and Raven
Sorry that Rhino's injured. I love the guy's work. That said, Raven looks to be
in better shape than usual, and I've always marked huge for this guy. Even as Johnny Polo. Well, ok, that's a lie. Abyss is
out, and the brawl starts. Faces pose off, which is nice psychology as it's Raven's way of showing that he has Abyss's back
to communicate on his level. Holy shit, Raven with nice psychology? Who'd have thought it. Raven hits a tope. Yes, you read
that right, as the fight goes to the outside. Russian legsweep on Rellik, and Ngier gets an ass kicking in the crowd. Raven
dodges a charge from Rellik. I hope the new ring shape of Raven is a sign he's returning to wrestling. Abyss picks up the
board of tacks onto the table, and about half the tacks fall off. Rave continues to beat Rellik up, but Rellik gets some offence
back on Raven. Abyss bloodies Ngier. Rellik tries to sneak up on Abyss with a chair, and Abyss causally elbows him in the
face. Win. Abyss sets a chair up in the corner, and regrets it as he hits the chair. Abyss blades sickly. Abyss always does
great blade jobs. Tack board brought into ring, and Rellik throws tacks in Raven's face, and starts to force tacks into his
mouth. Brawl with a chair on the outside between Abyss and that guy who I can't be bothered to backwards spell the name of
any more, while Rellik stalks Raven. While Raven's trying to shake off the creepiness of the photos of him with the eyes cut
out that Rellik has now. Raven fights back, and gets a DDT on that one. I'm not making the joke again. I'm bored of it. A
bloody abyss runs in and starts to take it to the heels. Both faces with the canes, but Rellik's tag partner gets Abyss's
cane and starts to attack both faces. Raven hurls the heel who's name spelt backwards is not Killer through a table. Abyss
is nearing a 1.0 Muta in this match. Raven goes for his apron elbow, but Rellik dodges and Raven is tabled. More like a 0.7
on closer inspection. Rellik has some more tacks, and Abyss goes for the chokeslam, and Rellik mists him. Muta he ain't. Rellik
comes running in, and gets a Black Hole Slam on the tacks for three.
Winners: Fans of Hardcore Wrestling. Also Raven
Worked segment where Kurt talks about how Nash and Hall can't go any more, and how they're using Joe. No
mention of the no show. Angle says that “something's going to happen in that ring tonight, and I don't want you to lie
down and take it.” Kayfabe exploded with that statement. Still, that, for certain, was a work.
Hype video for
Booker T's second PPV tag match since he arrived at the last PPV.
Booker cuts a hard hitting promo, and Sharmell seems
kinda cool too. I forgot how great Booker's cool persona was. Hell, Sharmell came across as something other than massively
annoying. Booker puts over the title, himself, Christian, Kaz, Roode, the locker room and the angle. All in a believable way.
That's how you cut a good promo.
Booker T and Kaz vs Christian Cage and Robert Roode
makes his way to the ring, reluctantly accompanied by a pair of giant breasts attached to a woman. Christian, the original
ship jumper is out, to the same good pop as ever. Not to mention that Christian did it for creative reasons, rather than the
fact that he had no choice to make money.
Kaz, who is starting to get the desired reaction from his push makes his
way out. Out comes Booker T, with badass music. Crowd excited for Booker T. Because he hasn't been overexposed and confusingly
Christian and Robert Roode start us off. Christian taunts Booker, and goes after Kaz with chops, who slides
under a charge, and gets chops of his own. Dropkick on Kaz, who goes for nice kicks and a leg drop. I always thought this
guy was under rated. Armdrag suplex and a tag into to Booker T, who slaps on a hammerlock. Hip toss and a clothesline. Suplex
on Roode gets two. Crowd is loud for Booker. Any credibility that the psycho fan angle had is ruined by her getting a freaking
spotlight. Booker backdrops Christian and double teams him with Kaz, who gets a two on the pin. Both Roode and Cage in the
corner, and Kaz dropkicks both. Flipping senton from the top on both heels. Kaz waits in the ring as Booker grabs Christian
and sends him to the ring. Roode drops Kaz neck first against the ropes, and Christina hits a cutter from the corner. Christian
standing both feet on Kaz's neck against the ropes to choke him. Kaz Morton takes a beat down in the corner. Butterfly suplex
on Kaz from Roode, who goes to a headlock. Duelling chants for Kaz and Roode start off. TNA seems to be getting on the right
tracks with pushing the midcard of late. Pinning series between Kaz and Roode, and a Kaz springboard is turned into a uranage
by Roode. Awesome. Booker breaks up the pin, and Kaz Morton rolls up Christian, who hits the inverted S.T.O, and as Kaz is
about to get the tag, Roode breaks the tag. Fans were really hot for Kaz to get the tag too. Nice psychology. Cutter/DDT combo
by Kaz on both heels. West and Tenay call it wrong, natch. Booker T gets the tag and has a house on fire. But only to give
him a robbery alibi. Axe kick on Cage misses, spinebuster gets 2.Booker goes up top for the missile dropkick, but Roode distracts
him, allowing Cage and Booker to jockey for position. Booker wins, sending Cage down, and hitting the missile dropkick. Roode
attacks Booker, only to get a side kick. Booker goes for the running kick on Booker, but he dodges, hanging his black and
hence incredibly large manhood across the ropes. Kaz double missile dropkicks the heels, and a double leg lariat from Booker
gets the heels. Roode stops the second Axe Kick attempt of the night. Ref is distracted, and Booker dodges a chair shot, which
hits Christian Cage. Kaz takes Roode out of the match, and Booker T hits the Axe kick, pinning Christian Cage.
Everyone in this match needed this match to be great. Christian, with another big name coming in, and being used as a jobber
to the stars of late, needed to prove he was still worth his spot. Booker needs to have NO bad matches at this point in his
TNA career, and Kaz and Roode, on the point of big main event pushes, need to prove themselves worthy of the honour. And they
went out and had the match of the night. Awesome stuff.
Cage and Roode argue, and Styles breaks it up before it gets
to a fight.
Sorry for all the vote pushing. I got all power crazy. Anyone who was offended, feel free to complain to
me. To make sure your complaint reaches me, try pressing Alt+F4 together.
Right. Now the rest of you who, as people
voting for me are worthy of reading about the main event.
LOOK AT THAT DOG! Oh, right, it's just Nash. The scraggly
hair had me confused for a second there. Joe and Nash are backstage shouting at each other. Joe talks about how Nash and Scott
Hall “do business” and talks about Hall's alcoholism. Worked segment.
Alliance vs Samoa Joe and Kevin Nash w/o Scott Hall.
Kurt Angle makes his way to the ring after the
TNA tag Champions Styles and Tomko.
Kevin Nash with his highlight video of three moves, which are probably his whole
offence. Samoa Joe is on his way out after a long delay, while the commentators actually repeatedly mention Hall's no show.
starts off by saying that he was told to calm the crowd down, by everyone backstage. Joe says he'd love to tell everyone it
would all be OK, but then he realised “they just gave me a live mic...on Pay Per View”, and proceeds to talk about
how there are die hards in TNA, who bust their ass, andsuperstars looking pointedly at Angle, who looks totally shocked while
mouthing “Do you mean me?”, and who screw the fans who pay to see them because they're too old to go, looking
pointedly at Nash, who gives Joe a hand gesture barely caught by the camera that wasn't made a big deal of for the fans to
see to Joe. He puts Black Machismo over, and the production crew cuts immediately to SoCal Val.
Interpret this one of two
way: 1) It's a work. Joe was told to put Machismo over, and the team was ready to cut to Val.
2) It's a shoot. SoCal Val
attempt s to relieve tension by playing along with her kayfabe relationship with Machismo. Production crew picks this up to
further the work image.
He then tells Dixie Carter “You mad? Go ahead, fire me. I don't care.” Now the
fact that Dixie Carter, not an on-screen personality appeared would normally set me off on the “shoot” theory.
However the fact that a talent meeting was called and everyone was told that anyone who wanted their release would be granted
it makes me not believe this.
Personally, I'd go with the work theory. Because Smarks are easy to work with things
like this, and until I looked the whole thing over, I was marking huge. Not that I don't think it's a clever work. I think
that it being mentioned in angles outside of Joe's shoot is the nail in the coffin for the shoot theory. Also: Don't forget
that Russo's last big WCW angle plan was New Blood versus Millionaire's Club, where the young hungry guys go after the old
guys keeping themselves on top, and he was never happy with it's conclusion.
Joe and AJ start us off. Joe works well
with Styles, and at the end of a series of moves, hitting his chop, kick and knee drop. Joe stares pointedly at Nash, before
tagging to Young. Young back body drops Styles, who tags out to Angle. Young becomes nervous. Angle gets a shoulderblock.
European uppercut, Young sent to the apron, and slides under and belly to bellies Angle. Nash blind tags on Young. Tomko comes
in, and they lock up. They lock up again. Tomko with some rights and a clothesline. Tomko goes running in and a boot from
Nash makes zero contact with Tomko. Shots and a foot choke in the corner. Young and Styles in, and Young takes it to Styles
with leg lariats and a neckbreaker. Angle takes shots at Young's arm. Styles throwing forearms to Young, and sets him up on
the top rope. Young pushes Styles down, who Peles young. Superplex is turned into a faceplant, both men hurt. Nash is in,
taking out the Angle Alliance. The tag champs are on the outside(no -rs), and they catch Young as he dives on them. Joe then
dives on them, taking them out. Angle has Nash in the Angle lock in the ring. Joe comes in, and with some consideration, kicks
Angle. Brawl breaks out. Joe hits his jumping kick on Tomko, Young gets a DVD on Tomko, Nash Jackknifes Angle, and Joe Musclebusters
Tomko for the pin.
Samoa Joe, Eric Young and Kevin Nash
Nash leaves early. This supports the rumours that he
went to wait for Joe once went behind the curtain.
Right, I had a good year recapping for you. We had our highs (The
Joe vs Christian Series) and our lows (Sting and Abyss in ridiculous gimmick match #107), and I look forward to recapping
shows for you all in 2008.
Until then, I've been Neil Cathan, and you should be voting for me.
There are some other writers. I'll tell you about them, but you have to promise not to vote for them.
Charley Martin will be handling the confusing aftermath of this show.Catherine Perez's news segment, and highlight of this site will probably be discussing the Shoot or not in a funny way. With Photoshops. Of
guaranteed hilarity. Not Gersh will be recapping Not Really ECW any more now, is it? Cameron and Anthony recap the competition's A and B shows respectively. Matthew Folger writes an article that I'm sure is hilarious for people in America who know about American Politics. I don't, so I'm no judge