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TNA TURNING POINT 2008

(11/09/08)

Welcome to Turning Point. Where we hopefully see a turning point from terrible, TERRIBLE booking? I can only hope. Booker T talks about how since he came to the company and ratings went through the roof. Remember when they got a 1.3 rating? That was Booker T.

HOW MANY PPVS have to open with a fucking black limo. Man, they are evil, huge 4 wheel drive limo. In today's carbon neutral environment? Bastards. Steiner cuts a promo, talking down the comic book reading, video game playing young guns. Failing to put anyone over.

Consequences Creed vs Sonjay Dutt vs Petey Williams vs Jimmy Rave vs Volador vs Eric Young vs Doug Williams vs Tanahashi vs Homicide vs Jay Lethal: X Division Ranking Match

TOO MANY WRESTLERS! Gah. Aside from being a Doug fanboy, I don't care. As soon as Doug's gone, so's my interest. After some generic great X wrestling I can't be bothered with, Lethal takes Dutt out. DOUG FUCKING WILLIAMS! takes Homicide out with a running european uppercut and is beaten up by Petey Williams. Doug comes back with old school mat wresling, and Williams ranas him outside. Dou's no longer wrestling, so meh. Eric Young=serious wrestler? Missile armdrag from Volador takes him out of the ring. Insane exchange between Volador and Lethal. Dutt in with an attack from nowhere. Spinny rana. Awesome dropkick on an upside down Dutt. DDT. Didn't have enough spinning for a generic X match. Superrana takes Dutt out. Dutt in the #10 spot, confirming that Doug Williams is better than him. As if you needed to be told that. Volador works his ass of to get himself over, before Jimmy Rave of all people takes him out. Volador gets the #9 spot. Not as good as Doug, who nearly gets taken out. Chaos Theory (Roll over double german suplex) takes Rave out. Doug takes the pin on Rave. Rave #8. Doug pretty much murders everyone, eats an ace crusher from Homicide, who then does a tope badly, taking him out of the match #7. Looks like a legit injury. The babyface originals team up on Doug. I back the Mafia from now on. Not enough to take Doug out. Knew it wouldn't be. Canadian Destoryer takes Creed out. Creed is #6. Still not as good as Doug. Tanahashi and Doug work to take Williams out, and a frogsplash from Tanahashi takes Williams out. Petey Williams #5. Williams and Tanahashi double team Lethal, nearly taking him out. Quick roll up on Tanahashi (#4), and a brutal clothesline from Doug turns Lethal inside out, Chaos Theory attempt on Lethal is turned into a Neckbreaker by Young for three, which is coincidentally Doug's ranking in the match. Great showing from Doug. Hope he comes back, as a straight wrestler is what TNA needs. Young takes Lethal out with a bridging suplex to win.

Winner and new X div number one contender: Eric Young.

Eric Young promo, cutting down the mafia, and putting himself and the TNA originals over. Great promo, nice contrast to the crappy one Steiner cut. Push Eric Young. Please.

Announcers run over the card like I wish I could run Russo over. Only in a car, not by talking about it like...oh, you get my point. Foley! Yay! Jarrett. Boo. More of a Foley fan than Jarrett hater, so this angle is still fun. Foley and Jarrett go to talk, with Foley talking to the young uns, while Jarrett talks to his fellow retirement home pals.

Awesome Kong and Raisha Saed w/Rhaka Khan vs Roxxi and Taylor Wilde.

No more Gail Kim means I no longer care about the Knockouts. Or TNA, really. Ho hum. We see the eact same spot several times. Alow me to sum up this match: One of the faces grabs Saed's arm, and the other one hits the top rope turnbuckle. Tag, rinse, lather, repeat. Always repeat. Contrast how boring this match is to how much fun Gail Kim would make this match. Exactly@ this match could be awesome if it had Kim. Commentators claim that Kong is "the most destructive woman on the planet" How about all the STDs Lita's spread? I still reckon that's more destructive. Every man in Mexico burns when he pees. Eat your heart out, Kong. Lita jokes! On the wrestling fan! How innovative is this? Curbstomp on Roxxi, Kong in, and here's been a match happening while I made Lita jokes. Meh. It had no Gail Kim. Roxxi dodges a Kong top rope splash and makes a tepid tag to Taylor Wilde. Brawl. Double clothesline from Roxxi. Bridging german suplex gives Taylor the win on Saed.

Winners: Taylor and Roxxi

Jarrett comes into the Mafia's changing room. He squashes up and coming midcarders, you guys squash up and coming midcarders. All be friends now! Nash is awesome on the mic as usual.

X Division Champion Bashir vs Rhino, non-title.

Rhino beats up Bashir to big heat. Bashir jumps out of the ring, and Rhino kicks his ass all over. Juggalo World Order at ringside. Yep, Halls' there too. So maybe he just thought he was booked at this year's Turning Point? Then he didn't have a match, so he just went to get some popcorn? Nice little match unfolds, where Rhino powers through Bashir, who cheap shots his way out. Rinse, lather repeat, but in an entertaining way. Rhino misses the Gore, Bashir argues with the ref over something, and Rhino hits the Gore for three.

Winner: Rhino.

Foley backstage with the originals. Everyone's listening to Foley respectfully, except for the Machineguns, who are generally assholes. Shelley and Sabin trashtalk Foley, and the rest of the originals attack the Guns, with Williams and young holding it from being a fight.

MCMG vs Beer Money for TNA Tag Team Titles Match.

Kicking. Some lovely chain wrestling, and more kicking! Double plancha to Beer Money, who get kicked some more. Storm is getting his ass kicked by the guns. Roode in, and now Shelley is having his ass pwned by Beer Money. Shelley has the taste slapped out of his mouth by Storm. Bodyslam and a running elbow drop. Double team on Shelley. Sabin tries to enter, but no dice. Typical stoopid babyface behaviour. Tag by Sabin is missed thanks to ref distraction. Nice hot tag tease in this match, has the fans momentarily hot. Shelley DDTs Storm while flatlining Roode. Hail Sabin! Sabin is in like a tiny house on fire. More like an apartment on fire. High/Lo on Roode and Storm in the corner by the guns. Tornado DDT gets two on Storm. Double team finish gone for on Sabin, who proceeds to own both heels some more. Supercanrana by Sabin followed by a frogsplash by Shelley gets two on Storm. Sandwich clothesline on Roode, elbow of unnecessary spinning on Roode, who dodges a top rope...something? Shelley sentons Roode and they hit a bow and arrow/legdrop combo. Big multi move really fast part of the match. Flatliner right into the second turnbuckle by Shelley on Roode. Poor guy's been taking all the stiff moves. Shelley in corner, Sabin on ground, and it set up for a tower of doom where Roode takes it worst. So Sabin goes for the pin on Storm, naturally. More double team kicking on Roode. Beating women gets a face pop from everyone except the jWo. When Scott Hall finds you morally reprehensible, you've hit a low. Powerplex by Beer Money gets the three.

Winners and still TNA Tag Champions: Beer Money.

Booker T promo about Christian, the title, and the mafia. Then a hype video. Yay.

TNA Legends Title Match: Booker T vs Christian Cage. If Christian loses, he must join the Mafia.

Ok, so in TNA land, we get an elite stable having to force members to join ? Also commentators "This match could be as important as any other match going into the future of TNA". Well done Tenay, for suggesting that this match is in fact just like any other match. I know that built my anticipation for it. Duelling chants for Christian and Booker. Christian has the early advantage. Chops traded, Spinebuster gets two for Booker. Christian gets slingshotted into the post. Looked brutal. Back in the ring, Christian takes a superkick. Christian makes a comeback,a nd throws punches in the corner. Suropean uppercut, spinning europen uppercut on Booker. Unprettier dodged, but Christian goes for the cloverleaf, which Tenay and West fail to spot. Reverse DDT gets two on Booker.Great exchange betwene the two, and Christian mocks Booker, sends him over but then takes an axe kick across the ropes. Cloverleaf. Sharmell distracts the ref, Christian goes to shout at her, Booker nearly axe kicks Sharmell trying to go for Cage. Ducking and doging big moves combo, which Booker ends with a roll up for a three.

Winner and still "Legends" champion: Booker T

Loser, and member of NWO 2.0: Christian Cage.

My spellcheck automatically makes doing now in anything but all caps into "now". So if you were considering sending a complaint e-mail to me, the quickest way is to just hit Alt-F4. Atta boy.

Matt Morgan is backstage with Abyss, Lauren and SUPERIOR DNA. Aww, Abyss is scared that Angle will try to hurt him. Abyss acknowledges the cameraman's existence. What cameraman. They're invisible, right? Video for Jarrett vs Angle, which is apparently to hype Abyss vs Angle. Guess who's going over tonight?

Abyss vs Kurt Angle: Falls Count Anywhere

Angle has the straps down already. So how will he take them down? He can't win without taking the straps down. And man Abyss is OVER. I have no idea how someone would manage to get Abyss un-over. Russo's been trying, mind you. The straps are magically back p, and why're the crowd so excited for what will effectively be a squash match? Seriouslt, Triple H matches have less certainty about who's going over than this match. Abyss punches Angle a bit. Shock Treatment on Angle. Angle tries to escape into the crowd, leading to a brawl. The commentators will not shut up about an eye rake. Angle chair shots Abyss, and walks up the ramp, before Molly go rounding Abyss on the ramp for two. Brawl around the outside, before Angle spears Abyss through a wall section. Cutting him in half with a gore! Gore! GORE! The cameramen manage to lose 650 pouds of man who they were meant to be filming. Angle comes out from the wall section first, being thown through by Abyss. Abyss smashes Angle around in the ring, side slam from Abyss gets two. Shock Treatment is countered into an Angle slam for two. Abyss punches the chair from Angle's hands, and sets the chair into the corner. Angle dodges it, gets ow kicked and tossed into the chair, followed by a chokeslam for two. Abyss puts a chair onto Angle, and goes up top for a splash, but Angle escapes, causing Abyss to hit the chair with his knees. Angle chairshots Abyss, rests the chair on Abyss and moonsaults onto the chair on Abyss for a two. Abyss catches Angle as he goes from the top, goes for a Tombstone, Angle escapes, goes running and eats the blackhole slam. Abyss looks like a main eventer for the first time in a year, and I, for one love it. Angle tries to run from Abyss, but does it towards the Spanish announce table. Fool. Someone has to go through it. Abyss tries to press Angle through the table, but Angle pushes him through it for three.

Winner: Abyss. Guy became massively over once again during the course of tonight. Recovered all the damage done over the last two years. Oh, Angle actually won the match....

Joe promo, cutting Nash down. Hype video for Joe vs Nash.

Samoa Joe vs Kevin Nash

Nash enters REALLY slowly. Like he's scared he'll tear a hamstring walking down to the ring. Joe ducks all of Nash's shots, and scores some stiff looking punches. Joe murders Nash, and the scary guy murdering a member of the elderly community gets a huge pop. Chop, kick, knee combo. Beatdown on the outside. Nash manages to get a brief advantage, and undoes the turnbuckle padding. Nash misses a chair shot to the ringpost. Joe whips Nash intot the exposed turnbuckle, but Nash is able to push him face first into it. Nash with knees in the corner, and slow offense. Sideslam, elbow. Time passes. A lot of time passes. Joe hits a running dropkick, with Nash kicking at two. Joe does the Nash picture frame taunt before a missile dropkick for two. Joe ground and pounds Nash. Joe goes for a charge at Nash on the outside, who chair shots Joe as he goes for the charge. Joe kicks at two. Big boot on Joe. Nash jacknifes Joe for two. Joe kicks. Nash busts Joe on the exposed turnbuckle. A lot has been made from that turnbuckle. Psychology ftw. Nash with another jacknife, Joe's out at two again. Ref bump, Nash lowblows Joe. Ref is dragged over, Nash has his feet on the ropes for the three.

Winner: Kevin Nash

Bleh. Joe jobbing to Nash makes an angry Neil.

Sting promo RESPECT being our theme for tonight's promo. How about that? Over dramatic hype video for our main here. Then another one for AJ Styles. Then one for Sting.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship match: Sting (c) vs AJ Styles.

Mixed reaction for both guys. AJ outwrestles Sting with armbars. One handed bulldog. Sting and Style circle each other outside the ring. Looks more like dancing. Big knee drop by Styles. Sting beats on Styles on the outside. Sting controls the match, keeping Styles down with cheap shots. Abdominal stretch and the story of the match so far is that Sting wants to keep AJ from going to the air, because then this match might actually be interesting. Pele by Styles, back suplex, springboard forearm. Scorpion deathlock dodged, but Sting scores a Deathdrop for two. Crossbody missed. Clash gone for, but it'd break Sting's neck if he actually hit it like that. Nicole is presumably heartbroken that Styles didn't go ahead and break Sting's neck. Stinger splashes in the corner. Sunset flip powerbomb on Sting. Spiral tap, and Booker/Angle are out. Styles sees them off, Sting rolls Styles up for three when he misses a pele.

Winner and still world champion: Sting

The mafia makes their way out to celebrate.

All in all, not a terrible show, although the young guys were made to look like utter jobbers. The actual wrestling was good, and there were few screwy finishes, but the burial of young talent left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth, personally. Although for a show called "Turning Point" nothing really changed.

As usual, everything on the site pretty much rules. Nicole co-suffers the pains of TNA, My namesake deals with frustrating ECW, Cameron, the resident vet does the best raw rant period and Catherine Perez is consistently the funniest thing on the internet.

 
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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).