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Remy's Tneh! Impact Report
by Remy



I have discovered an awful truth. You see, for centuries the term “writer’s block” has described what happens to a, let’s say, writer, when his or her creativity is, oh let’s say, blocked. That is what I experienced yesterday, as I struggled with the loathsome beast that is Smackdown. And that’s when it hit me. The cause of writer’s block is Smackdown itself. Yes, even dating back to that one guy who was attempting to write a passage for no less than the BIBLE. I believe his name was Kanye West. Anyway …


The Non-Samoan Recapping Machine is back, baby.


So what happened after the PPV event that was Slammiversary? Well, if you’re asking your computer screen right now “there was PPV?” then you, my friend, need to go read my RANT first.


Jim Cornette is in the ring to kick off the show. He’s rehashing a lot of what he said at Slammiversary. He refuses to take a shit. Or refuses to take shit. But really, why let bowel movements run your life? Apparently the TNA fans certainly don’t, as there are a great deal of boos directed at Cornette during this segment.


LAX is threatened about missing appointments, which seemed as out of place in the show as it probably does in this recap. Or as out of place as Jarrett’s penis feels in a vagina.


The good news? Jarrett is NOT the champ. We are not told, however, who the champ actually is. And we’re going to have to wait for next week to find out. The crowd starts to warm to Cornette once he makes the announcement that the title is vacant.


Cornette also promises that next week someone WILL be fired. I’m starting to hope that it’s Cornette!


After Cornette is finished and begins heading to the back, out comes Jarrett. They argue a bit, but nothing really comes of it, for now.


Christopher Daniels & A.J. Styles vs. The Diamonds in the Rough:

The new tag champs are ready to make their presence felt. They’re still coming out to AJ’s theme only, as well wearing matching outfits, however. That’s right, these two very distinct and rebellious innovators of the X-division who prove that not every wrestler has to be of the WWE cookie-cutter style are … now cookie-cutters of each other! At least in TNA you can tell that they really do have the best of intentions.


Looks like the Diamonds are back to jobber status, despite their win over the Naturals recently. David Young takes an Uranage from Daniels, followed by a BME. Styles then nails the frog splash and gets the pin. These guys even let each other take turns getting the pin. Kind of like reversing who’s the pitcher and who’s the catcher. But that might be a bad analogy.


Gail tries to exact some revenge after the match. You know, instead of logically trying to cost them the match. Now if that isn’t just like a woman. Anyway, the big lady from Slammiversary who is possibly gender-challenged is there to make the save.


That’s right, Styles and Daniels have hired a woman to protect them from another woman. On top of everything else (see: matching outfits) I’m starting to think TNA might be striving for a new target audience. And I think I just burned myself on that one …


Backstage Segment


There’s a small crowd outside of Cornette’s office consisting of Jay Lethal, Chris Sabin, and Eric Young. Borash is there catch whatever’s going on. The bulk of this is Young being paranoid about losing his job. Pretty funny stuff. Jarrett comes by after a minute or two and enters Cornette’s office.


After a commercial Jarrett comes back out of the office. He barged in there demanding answers. He stormed in to show his testicular fortitude. He licked a dog’s anus in college for $5. Okay, not that last part. But after making a show going in, when he finally comes out he shrugs his shoulders and goes “Massa Cornbread sayin’ I’s havin’ ta wait a week.” And just like that, he fucks off. Points for unintentional hilarity, TNA.

Monty Brown vs. Chasyn Rance:

Yes, another squash. But the principle of TNA proportion dictates that if we have two squashes in one show, then we must have one great match to balance it out. But that comes later.


The announcers hype Monty starting a new streak. I think back to Cornette’s promo at the beginning of the show when he said “TNA won’t air it’s dirty laundry, it’s going to clean out the streaks behind closed doors first.” And I actually did not just make that up. The unintentional correlation is hilarious though. Impact is 2 for 2 tonight.


Pounce, pin, p-word. That’s all there is to this one.


Post-Match Segment


Konnan is on the mic and tries to convince Monty to join LAX. Apparently Konnan is confusing Mexico with Africa. Simple mistake, right? But then, I have actually heard tourists express shock that Alaska is so cold, despite being right next to Hawaii on the map! While gut-bustingly funny I’d feel much better about this world if I’d made that up, which sadly, I did not.


So Monty refuses and heads to the back. Konnan had mentioned Ron Killing’s name though, so he’s coming out to the ring now. Konnan talks about how much he loves Killing’s like a brother and tries to get him to join LAX too. But then, SWERVE. LAX beats down on Killings for no obvious reason. Did I miss Vince Russo’s return?


Backstage Segment


Jay Lethal and Sabin come out of Cornette’s office, and they are happy about something that they say “Nash will love.” There’s also more of Eric Young worrying over his job. He decides to have Borash watch his back and happily says “tell no one of our secret plan” as he heads off camera.  Intentional humour now 2 for 2 as well.


After a commercial we see Christian now in front of Cornette’s office, and he heads in.


Jerk Off*


3-D vs. the James Gang backstage in a “yo momma” contest. It’s all cool until Bubba makes fun of Bob Armstrong. His mom? Fair game. But talk about his daddy and it’s go time! Unintentional hilarity goes 3 for 3.


They brawl out to the ring where Runt makes a return to give 3-D the edge. Heading back up the ramp goes the James Gang as 3-D issues a 3 on 3 challenge for the next PPV. 


*Joke Off.


Backstage Segment


Christian is now out of Cornette’s office, but he’s been told nothing. Like Jarrett, he simply gives up. Sting stops by and now it’s his turn to see Cornette. This is starting to remind me of The Godfather. I can just imagine Eric Young’s master plan being to say, “may your first child be a masculine child” in a drunken stupor.


Taped Segment


We get some video highlights of the TNA Knockouts DVD, featuring the women of TNA. If you’ve been getting by with a Sears catalogue this will make you happy. For the rest of us, there’s real porn. But I’m not complaining one bit; this was a very revealing (teehee) segment.

Samoa Joe vs. Senshi vs. Sonjay Dutt:


Let the battle of the guys who have “S” at the start of their names begin!


Match starts off and we see Eric Young moving through the crowd with a sign that says, “Don’t Fire Eric Young.” Fingers crossed that sign catches on.


A commercial breaks this match up too, right near the beginning. There is definitely some good three-way action in this match, but nothing shocking until near the end when Steiner comes out for revenge. He nails Joe with a chair on the outside. In the ring Senshi is repeating on Sonjay Dutt, hitting a Tidal Crush and following it up with a Double Stomp. And just like that …


NEW X-division champion. Joe is still unbeaten, however.


Backstage Segment


Sting comes out of Cornette’s office and he is happy, having apparently gotten whatever it was he wanted. No more is revealed.


And that’s it for this week’s Impact.


Be sure to check out all the other great stuff on the front page, including Carless saving my ass and covering Smackdown this week. If you missed it earlier, don’t forget about my Slammiversary Rant too. But more than anything, swing by the forums or shoot me an e-mail. There isn’t nearly enough TNA talk at our site, let alone on the whole of the ‘net. Take care, as always I remain,



 Send Feedback to REMY

Remy’s the kind of guy who enjoys long walks on the beach and quiet candle lit din … fuck that, chicks are crazy. He’s actually a wrestling fan (and therefore not single by choice, as he’d have you believe). He’s also a former admin of HTM.com, having been there for nearly three years. Now, he resides in limbo, wandering from forum to forum, fixing past wrongs, with the help of his friend Sam who … well, err, nevermind. He is, however, the brother of a well-known gentleman, whom you may have heard of, by the name of … JESUS! Well, not blood brother, but brother in the way black people say it, which is more meaningful, I think.

Remy's Tneh! Impact Report
by Remy



Pulling double-duty this week folks. I’ve got my chin stubble growing, my eyes are bloodshot, and the coffee is at hand! And by coffee I mean beer. But after filling in for Joe this week with the Smackdown Recap, I am sure as hell glad to be back on home turf!


We are kicking off the show with the champion, Christian Cage. This part is a little ambiguous, however. Cage cuts a promo on each of his opponents. Of course, some are faces, and some are heels. So where does that leave Christian? Even the crowd seemed a bit confused, and unsure whether to cheer or boo. If you ask me, Cage has begun to stray more on the heel side, getting too cocky.


Sting comes down when it’s his turn to get roasted by Cage. He tries to convince Christian that he doesn’t want the title, but Cage is having none of it. They stare, but don’t brawl.


Taped Segment


Jarrett hypes the King of the Mountain match.


Backstage Segment


Nash and Alex Shelley are here, getting ready for Nash’s X-division debut (which is a French word for de-butt, another way of calling it complete ASS).


Nash is going to face a Chris Sabin look-alike, but Shelley is making him wear a mask. This prompts Nash to sing. It’s hilarious in a scary kind of way. I’d say “don’t quit your day job,” but ah, I’m kinda hoping he does.



The Naturals vs. The Diamonds in the Rough:

Will the Naturals continue their losing streak? The announce team also mentions that Samoa Joe will defend the X-title on next week’s Impact. Awesome. We’ll also get a sneak peek of their new DVD, one that highlights the years of TNA history.


Well, Young gets hit by a Natural Disaster, but with the ref distracted Simon Diamond hits Andy Douglas with a chain while he’s going for the pin. David Young is passed out, but draped over Douglas by Simon. The ref comes back in for the three count, continuing the Naturals streak. They can’t win to save their lives, if only someone could set them straight. You know, like that someone who keeps watching them from the ramp. No, not God, you Christian faggot.


The two teams brawl after the match, even heading out into the crowd. They happen to come across LAX at the Spanish announce booth, and LAX beats on everyone, telling them to stay on their side of the “border.” I really like how they further two angles at once, in a way that feels plausible, and not contrived.


When it’s all over with, Shane Douglas comes out to the ring. He finally reveals why he’s been checking out the Naturals. His good friend, Chris Candido had formerly managed them, taking them to the tag titles. In you’re unaware, Candido passed away some months ago from a staph infection. So now his “brother,” Shane, is going to manage them. Very good segment with Shane being great on the mic. You could tell it was legitimately heartfelt.




Slick Johnson tells the announce team that the new Head of Management is here, and he will see Zybsko tonight!


Kevin Nash vs. Sabin Look-alike?:

So who is this mystery opponent? OMG, it’s REY MYSTERIO!


Okay, so it’s a midget with a lucha mask, but in fairness, it is hard to tell the difference. But what is even more hilarious than my joke, is the match itself. Nash is on his knees and hits a chokeslam, clearly just goofing around. He then goes to the bottom rope and hits a Frog Splash that had me laughing pretty hard. He finishes the match by sitting on a chair and having Shelley throw the midget into the ropes – on the way back we get a Big Boot Jr.!


Damn, I know Nash isn’t a net favourite, but this was funny as hell.


A.J. Styles, Christopher Daniels, Raven & Rhino vs. Monty Brown, Bobby Roode, and AMW:


The match starts and we go to commercial. Literally that fast.


I should something here. I usually don’t give a shit what wrestlers wear, but his is just TOO CUTE. Styles and Daniels are wearing matching outfits. Unintentional hilarity ensues. I half expect to see one of those children’s belts tying them together so one doesn’t get lost.


Roode and Raven are in the ring as we get back. And I can’t help but think that Raven should be in the King of the Mountain. After all, he IS the mountain! Hey ooooooh.


Lots of great back and forth, hyping both Rhino vs Roode and D’Amore, as well as AJ and Styles vs AMW.


Mid-match sees AJ go for the Pele, and while it’s blocked, Styles manages to counter it into an enziguiri anyway. Later in the match, AJ goes for a second Pele, this time on Roode. And this time, it connects. I love that move. For those who haven’t seen it, AJ basically does a back flip that connects with his opponents head, while he’s upside down in mid-flip. Rumour has it that Big Show once hit this move, but it unravelled the space-time continuum as we know it. Fortunately, Doc Brown and Marty were able to set it right.


After the Pele, however, Styles is going for a Crucifix, but it gets reversed into a Catatonic. Ouch. Rhino hits a Gore on Storm, and Daniels hits the Angels Wings shortly thereafter on Harris. Looking good for Styles and Daniels this time.


However, after a distraction, Gail Kim is able to run into the ring and hit a Tornado DDT on Daniels. Monty Brown hits the Pounce immediately after, and that’s all, folks. Personally don’t think Daniels should be selling for Gail Kim, or that Styles and Daniels should be on a Naturals-like streak. But a great match nonetheless.


Parking Lot


Larry is here to greet a mysterious limo, implied to carry the new management. Zybsko opens the door and we see a shocked look on his face. The camera ominously fades to black.


Another clip segment is shown, using various highlights from tonight’s show along with the song Adrenaline Rush. Don’t know if that’s the actual name of the song or not, but it seems to be the chorus anyway.


That’s it for another show. I think the lack of jokes speaks for itself. This was simply a damn good show, and it was entertaining for what it was, without too many smart ass comments. Of course, there were still a few, ;). I’m going to go pass out now, until next week when I do it all over again. Drop by the forums and shoot the shit with us, or send me an e-mail. I always appreciate the hell out of it. So as always, take care. I remain,




And now …REMY ASKS


Will you be ordering the Slammiversary PPV, this coming Sunday, and if so, what are you most looking forward to?

 Send Feedback to REMY

Remy’s the kind of guy who enjoys long walks on the beach and quiet candle lit din … fuck that, chicks are crazy. He’s actually a wrestling fan (and therefore not single by choice, as he’d have you believe). He’s also a former admin of HTM.com, having been there for nearly three years. Now, he resides in limbo, wandering from forum to forum, fixing past wrongs, with the help of his friend Sam who … well, err, nevermind. He is, however, the brother of a well-known gentleman, whom you may have heard of, by the name of … JESUS! Well, not blood brother, but brother in the way black people say it, which is more meaningful, I think.

Remy's Tneh! Impact Report
by Remy



Some say I write the best TNA recaps on the net. Others say they’re not very good recaps, but more like my Diatribes. This leads me to “Remy Asks,” kicking off this week’s column. Do you prefer long-winded play-by-play detail along with commentary on such things as ring attire, or do you prefer an easily readable, funny, and yet still informative recap?


We’ve got a big show tonight, so I’m not going to waste any time. Apparently, TNA feels the same, because we’re starting the show off with the last qualifying match for the King of the Mountain main event at Slammiversarry.


Sting vs. Scott Steiner:

Both guys come out to the ring and they are wearing wrestling gear. Frankly, Sting’s really brings out the colour in his eyes. Steiner, however, is clearly ignorant of the latest fashion trends in Paris. Disgusting!


Now remember, this is a pretty big match-up for free television, so for the most part it’s just bait and switch. Sting and Steiner lock up, and Sting seems to gain the momentum quickly. But just as quickly Steiner reverses the situation by hitting a sneaky low blow (speaking of which, Joe, when will we get another?), and we head to commercial.


To be honest, both of these guys look pretty slow in the ring, especially compared to TNA’s regular fare. Steiner does his push-ups and Sting eventually hits his splash. In between, the pace is about the same as Hogan on a Valium. But this is short lived, as Sting hits a HUGE move. That’s right, he rips off Shark Boy and bites Steiner’s forehead. Meanwhile, Don West is doing commentary and remarks “what a brilliant move by Sting!” And somewhere else in the world, a toddler has taken his first shit in the toilet, as his mother proclaims “what a brilliant move!”


Apparently even Jarrett is wishing things would speed up a bit, at this point, as he attempts to interfere on behalf of Steiner. Not surprisingly, this backfires. Sting hits a schoolboy roll-up, and Jarrett is now forced to break the count … you know, by blatantly interfering this time and getting the disqualification. Which means Sting wins anyway, so good job, genius. 


Jarrett and Steiner start the beat-down after the match, being sore about losing. Ron Killings runs in for the save, leading the rest of the contenders making their way out. Hell, I even thought Tom Cruise was going to run out, but apparently he’s locked himself in the closet and won’t come out. Please don’t sue me … in England, or anywhere else.


Christian eventually comes out as well,  and the heels are cleared from the ring. The faces stand tall, seemingly unaware that soon they will become enemies, which will lead to Christian exclaiming “curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!” Although probably not as he plays with toy dinosaurs, but hey, you never know. And if you’ve never watched Firefly, you’re sorely missing out.


So, at Slammiversarry it’s going to be Christian vs. Sting, Jarrett, Abyss, and Ron Killings in the King of the Mountain match.


In Ring Segment


Even though the ring was cleared by the faces, after a commercial break it is Steiner in the ring, and everyone else has left. That’s persistence for you. He’s refusing to leave the ring, but offers no ultimatum. He’s not waiting for anything … he just has nowhere else to go! But fate intervenes. And by fate, I mean the bookers. Samoa Joe is scheduled for a match, and after Steiner scares off his jobber opponent, Joe comes down to the ring.


The two lock eyes, and Steiner pie-faces Joe while screaming “don’t look at me, I’m hideous!” Or it could have been “don’t eyeball me, boy.” But then, it could have been “you’ve got a purdy mouf, boy.” It’s a choose your own adventure recap! If you chose option two, continue with this column. If you chose options one or three, your character fell down an open elevator shaft and died like a retard.


Joe and Steiner begin to brawl, as security quickly runs to the ring. Lots of breaking away from security to continue the fight goes on here. Not terribly original, but damnit, it works. This is a must-see match for the upcoming PPV, no doubt about it.


Taped Segment


Nash and Alex Shelley have a chart. There are three steps to their conquest of Sabin, and so as not to forget, they’ve clearly written it out. Of course, there’s no way Sabin will see through any of this. “Dear Sabin, we are going to murder you. And the best part? No one will know it was us!” –Signed, Kevin Nash and Alex Shelley (TM Mick Foley).


Next week though, Nash will make his X-division debut, taking on a Sabin-like opponent. There’s a yin and a yang to every wrestling fan. The smark side, and the mark side. Well, right now, they’re both crying. So what does that tell you?




By the end of the show we will know if Joe vs. Steiner is going to take place at Slammiversarry. But if you don’t already know, go now and put on a Simple Plan album. Joe will be there shortly to end your pathetic life.


Sonjay Dutt vs. Jerrelle Clark:

This is a short match, but that’s not surprising since I have no bloody clue who this Clark guy is. There are some nice moves though, especially Clark missing a 630 from the top rope, and of course, Dutt hitting a running Shooting Star Press for the win.


Oh, and LAX bitched during the match. Inequality or some such. I wasn’t really listening, to be honest. I was distracted by the Mexican mowing my lawn because I had to yell at him to make less fucking noise so I could hear what LAX was saying! God damn immigrants. Anyway, I’m sure LAX made some good points about something.


Taped Segment


Team 3-D is at “the bingo hall.” Bubba calls out “B-53” and Runt goes “you sunk my battleship,” provoking Devon to exclaim: “oh my brother, TESTIFY!”


Okay, so in actuality they quote some song lyrics and hype their match with the James Gang at the PPV. Frankly, I like my version better though.


Chris Sabin,  and the James Gang vs. Team Canada:


Seems like a weak main-event, especially considering the show opened with Sting and Steiner. But I’ll be straight up here too, the only guy in this match that I care about is Sabin. I’ll go even further and say that the wind seemed to be out of the sails by the time this match rolled around. Great show up until this point, and don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t a bad match. But it didn’t feel like a main event.


D’Amore is trying to get in shape for his match with Rhino, so he’s out at ringside wearing a sweat suit. He looks uncomfortable as hell, and at one point tries to sneak a twinkie, but he’s caught and it’s taken away. D’Amore then yells, “but I need sugar!” And I say “you need it about as bad as Paris Hilton needs more ugly.” Yeah yeah, I’m sure you, the reader, would “hit it” like a McDonald’s cheeseburger, but to you I say … okay, I would too. But the ugly joke was still funny!


The back and forth tag action is solid in this match. No crazy spots to report, and no huge plot developments. Just a straight-forward tag match. If you want every last detail of that, I think you’re a bit nuts. The important stuff happens at the end:


Things are looking bad for Sabin’s team as Kip is hit with a Canadian Cutter. Roode is then about to use the Canadian flag as a foreign object, but Rhino runs in for the save. Right after that, Sabin hits the leg drop on A1 for the win, after Kip hits the fameasser. So the Rhino vs. Roode/D’Amore angle moves forward, and Sabin’s team picks up the win.




The show is closed out by the announcement we’ve all been waiting for. It’s official, water is wet! Oh, and Joe vs. Steiner is all set to take place.


TNA then does something I’ve really been enjoying. They air a hype video that is comprised of clips from the Impact we just watched. It’s a great way of making each show feel special, while ending on all the high notes at the same time. Great idea.


That’s it for another show, and that’s it for another recap. Swing by the forums and shoot the shit with me about TNA, or drop me an e-mail. I always reply, and I love to talk TNA. But don’t forget to check out the return of the Back-Leg Front Kick, up now. And, of course, Joe’s doing a great job of watching Smackdown so you don’t have to. Even if you don’t read his column, you should at least send him $5 for watching that God damned show! Take care, and as always, I remain,



 Send Feedback to REMY

Remy’s the kind of guy who enjoys long walks on the beach and quiet candle lit din … fuck that, chicks are crazy. He’s actually a wrestling fan (and therefore not single by choice, as he’d have you believe). He’s also a former admin of HTM.com, having been there for nearly three years. Now, he resides in limbo, wandering from forum to forum, fixing past wrongs, with the help of his friend Sam who … well, err, nevermind. He is, however, the brother of a well-known gentleman, whom you may have heard of, by the name of … JESUS! Well, not blood brother, but brother in the way black people say it, which is more meaningful, I think.

Remy's Tneh! Impact Report
by Remy


Hello again, wrestling fans, and welcome to Remy’s TNeh Report! The sites been setting records this past week, so I’ve got big shoes to fill. Fortunately, I have a big penis. And you know what they say about guys with big dicks. Well, I actually don’t care what they say: I’ve got a big penis! Life is good.


Anyway, if you’re interested in TNA, you have found the best recap on the whole of the internet. It’s even said that Jeff Jarrett reads my recaps. Of course, he’s a plumber in Manitoba who just happens to have the same name as one of TNA’s wrestlers, but damnit, he loves my stuff!


SEX, DRUGS, AND ROCK AND ROLL … not found in this column.


Now that I’ve got you hooked, let’s get on with the show!


Jarrett (not the plumber, although the stench of shit tends to follow them both around) and Steiner (who compliments Jarrett with a pleasant aroma of booty) are coming down to the ring to kick off Impact.


Oh, and just for the hell of it, I’m going to associate each wrestler with a particular scent, since I already started it off with Jarrett and Steiner.


Right, back to Nitro 2006. Steiner and Jarrett insist on finding out who their opponents will be. This leads to Steiner attacking Don West with the same ferocity that West himself would attack a bowl of Kraft Dinner. That’s KD without any ketchup on it even. For Christ’s sake, have some pride you fat fuck, insist on the ketchup at least!


At this point Sting comes down and tangles with Steiner, as Raven comes down and grapples with Jarrett. Damnit, and I really wanted to know who they’d be facing too. I should also mention that I rolled my eyes as I typed that. 

AMW ( smells like camp fire beans and dead hookers) vs. The Naturals (B.O. mixed with French perfumes):

This is a non-title match-up, but they do mention that six months or so ago the Naturals were the champs. On a personal note, with continuity like this how can you still not love TNA, James?


Nothing terribly exciting to report from this match, but it was fairly short and broken up by commercials. Let me just tell you, the bitch in that Maxi-pad commercial has NO sense of ring psychology. I’d send her to OVW if it weren’t an upgrade from TNA  … JUST KIDDING! I’d make her do Playboy first, mwa haha.


 Anyway, Daniels tries to help the Naturals, but to no avail. AMW wins it after using a beer bottle after their attempt at using the nightstick was foiled. Oh beer, what can’t you do?


After the match AMW gives the Naturals a beat down. Shane Douglas looks on from the ramp once more, but shakes his head and walks away. Pretty much the reaction I get after a solid 45 seconds of passionate love-making. 


Backstage Segment


Alex Shelley is in back with JB. Nash shows up and claims he’ll make Shelley a star. Frankly, I think TNA has rejuvenated Kevin Nash. He’s even said to be leaning on the ropes with a renewed vigor! Thanks to Carless for that one, had to use it.


Christy Hemme is taking us to commercial breaks, and I have to say, this is one of those small things about TNA that I really like.


Jay Lethal (smells like Barbwire Mike’s bong) vs. Alex Shelley ( smelling like Kevin Nash’s carcass of a career with cinnamon):


Another short match here. Tons of potential though, so it’s a shame that it goes to waste like this. Basically, Nash tries to help Shelley but ends up costing him the match. Which is similar to when Nash tries to win a match and ends up blowing a quad. That is to say, good God he sucks. He’s trying, and failing, to get the X-division over now too. I’m thinking they should use reverse psychology with him. “Nash, tonight we want you to go out there and NOT hurt yourself while destroying the X-division and no-selling everything.” Sure enough, he’d tear something and sell it like a bitch, putting everyone over.


After the match Sabin runs in and makes the save, as Nash was trying to have a go at Lethal. They exchange some not-so-witty banter. “Nash, you say size matters, but it doesn’t.” BURN. Just like two kids exchanging “did” and “did not” repeatedly. Not to be confused with a WWE booking committee.


Backstage Segment


Samoa Joe is here. This is actually a great segment. They break it up with “Joe on such and such” which gives it a pretty polished feeling. Hard to make any jokes here, I actually really enjoyed this bit. We get some more explanation on why he walked out on Sting too. Joe says he was there to have Sting’s back from bell to bell, which he did. Also, where was Sting when Joe was climbing up the ranks? The gist … to hell with Sting. Awesome. Joe then goes on to set up a match with Steiner at Slammiversary. Honestly, everything good about wrestling is right here in this segment.


Another Backstage Segment


Team 3-D is in back now, cutting this promo “live.” The comment on how they thought the skit from last week by the James Gang was funny. There’s a lot of back and forth humour between Devon and Bubba, good stuff. There’s also a lot of references to that “bingo hall.” Suffice to say, they won’t be bastardizing it by showing up at ONS. Although, they probably weren’t invited anyway, but that’s beside the point. Integrity in wrestling does exist (and wrestling is totally not fake either). It’s obvious here though that they haven’t lost their edge, unlike the James Gang.


In Ring Segment


Yes, there’s another. JB wants to know what’s up with the Latin announce booth and their protest signs. He gets kicked away without an explanation.


Taped Segment


Yup, but last one, I promise. Christian claims he’ll be the first to retain the title in a King of the Mountain match. Considering this is only the third time they’ve had this match, I’m thinking he might want to set the bar a bit higher. Just saying.


Raven (smells like eating crow) vs. Jeff Jarrett:


This one is for a spot in the King of the Mountain match at the upcoming Slammiversarry PPV. And holy shit does Raven look like … shit. The match is basically a hardcore match too, so it’s pretty decent. Considering the lack of solid matches prior to this point it’s nice to see them make an effort.


Now this was a fun match, but nothing really crazy. It was more WWE “hardcore” than ECW hardcore. Fun, but not really special. Oh, and Jarrett won, so that definitely took some steam out of the match, by going the predictable route. But the way Raven looks, I was actually rooting for Jarrett. Seriously. There was some interference from Zybysko too, which helped Jarrett win by hitting the Stroke, the single most offensive move to grandparents around the world. Oh, and offensive to wrestling fans too.


And that’s it for this week’s Impact. All around it was a damn good show, and left me with a much more positive feeling than last week’s.


Now it’s time for “Remy Asks.” This feature got a lot of positive feedback last week, so here’s hoping the trend continues. This week, I want to know:


What is your favourite aspect of TNA? Or … Do you actually watch TNA, or just read the recaps?


Well, it’s been a huge week for us here at TWF, and while you’re probably aware already, the cause can be attributed to Carless once more. Check out his latest satire HERE, as he speculates what life will be like for ECW on the Sci-Fi channel. Not that he needed another shill, but there you go. Incidentally, if you want to send me 47 e-mails, collectively, I would fucking love that. My record is two. And I’m appreciative as hell, but just saying.


Oh, and you know what? June 10th is my one-year anniversary at TWF, so I’m going to do my damndest to have a brand new DIATRIBE ready for consumption, to mark the occasion. Hopefully some of you are as stoked as I am about that. So, as always, take care, and until next time, I remain,



 Send Feedback to REMY

Remy’s the kind of guy who enjoys long walks on the beach and quiet candle lit din … fuck that, chicks are crazy. He’s actually a wrestling fan (and therefore not single by choice, as he’d have you believe). He’s also a former admin of HTM.com, having been there for nearly three years. Now, he resides in limbo, wandering from forum to forum, fixing past wrongs, with the help of his friend Sam who … well, err, nevermind. He is, however, the brother of a well-known gentleman, whom you may have heard of, by the name of … JESUS! Well, not blood brother, but brother in the way black people say it, which is more meaningful, I think.

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November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).