The
78th Annual FANNY AWARDS~!
That's right folks,
the standard bearer of tasteless online Awards returns! Celebrating
its 78th straight year of offensiveness! Just ignore
the part where there's no clear-cut evidence of the first 72! ...It
happened! Trust us! It's just that we happened to be the
only website on the Internet for 65+
years, and thus keeping track of these things was next to
impossible. That's all! I mean, seriously, who could
forget Hollywoodland Hogan being bestowed the honor of
first ever Wrestler of the Year in 1930? (Hulk was
already some 40 years into his career at that point.).
Everybody? Maybe.
TWF WRITER OF THE YEAR
2008
In any
Event, the most prestigious Reader-voted Award of the year is
of course the obscenely reputable honor of TWF WRITER
OF THE YEAR -- the award
of course most closely associated with Sean Carless's near death
grip and predictable and annoying Undertaker-like streak
of never losing. UNTIL THIS YEAR. Oh, it's true. On a
year Stevie Richards finally succumbed to fate of WWE termination and showed us (we
saw) how to pack a suitcase full of half shirts and
tiny denim shorts and heartbreakingly head home--thus breaking his incomparable
streak of victory in the "Cling-On Award" category-- so
to is Mr. Carless now forfeiting his spot as a nominee this year for
Writer of the Year, so to hopefully give *someone else* not named
Canadian Bacon the honor of victory for once. (Plus, what, did Sean like
maybe write 5 things this year? FUCK HIM.). But
hey, don't take our words for it... here it is from his
own lips...
"What?
What do you mean I'm not nominated this year? I
still own this place, don't I? Don't I? Why is no one listening
to me?! Hello? Where am I? Why is it dark here! Someone,
anyone, help!"
-Sean Carless.
Oh, that
Sean. What a kidder! And you know, not secretly
kidnapped until after the posting of the Fanny
Awards. The Truth is, he actually died in May of this
year, but we really had no chance to really break the news. Or
we didn't care. Either/or.
So, that
said, this year's *official* 12 nominees--12 because damn
it, that's the poll maximum~!-- were chosen because of
several important criteria's:
-They didn't
suck.
-They still
write here.
-They,
unlike others, had the good sense to put a little
English on their bribing fellatio.
The Nominees
in question, as chosen by a random panel of the TWF
Academy of Arts and Sciences (whose members can like totally
paint and create cold fusion simultaneously) can be found to
the left. So vote wisely.
So, that said. who
will succeed Mr. Carless this year as Writer of the Year? --an
Award now known as the "Sean Carless Commemorative Award
Honoring Honor In The Honorable Field Of being Like Totally Fucking
Awesome At Writing And Ya, That's About It." The Plaque is now 15
feet wide and weighs 300 pounds. It also doesn't exist. (Much
like Bacon's chances of winning, despite his competition no
longer being eligible...)-- THE CHOICE
IS YOURS. VOTE NOW!
To
vote on the two other current Reader's choice Awards;
scroll down for "Column Of The
Year" or Click HERE
for the TWF PHOTOSHOP OF THE
YEAR.
WINNERS TO
BE REVEALED IN THE NEW YEAR! STAY TUNED! (Or don't.
Whatever.).
