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WWE Superstars Recap for November 26, 2009

Yes, people, I'm actually spending my down time on Thanksgiving day watching wrestling.  I feel like Jabba the Hutt after the delicious meal I ate, so I couldn't do much else.

My "Great" Scott's Recommendation of the Week is for you to read this article I wrote about surviving the holidays.  You can link to it HERE.

Tonight's main event is R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler…that doesn’t sound too bad.

Our first match is going to be…

The Miz vs. Santino Marella

Santino chant right outta’ the gate.  Santino starts with some mad karate skills.  Some chain wrestling follows, leading to a Miz side headlock.  Shoving leads to a headlock takedown by Santino.  Santino hits a shoulderblock a pair of arm drags.  Miz responds with a forearm and a kick.  Mounted punches by Miz followed by stomps.  A running kick by Miz gets 2.79.  Miz clamps on a chinlock/half nelson combo.  Santino gets to his feet, but he's knee'd and sent back down.  Miz sends Santino to the corner, where the Italian is promptly clotheslined.  A pin attempt gets 2.793.  Miz stays on the attack and taunts Santino.  Santino blocks a punch and lands some of his own, but Miz fights back with a neck breaker.  More punches from the Miz followed by more taunting.  Miz rams Santino into the corner, then hits his running through the ropes clothesline.  Miz heads to the top rope for a double axehandle attempt, but Santino hits him with a punch to the gut on the way down.  Santino fires off with more punches and a suplex.  Santino does his patented split and hip toss.  Santino primes the cobra punch, but the Miz boots him in the skull and hits the Skull-Crushing Finale for the win.

Winner:  The Miz

Rating: 

Solid match…nothing spectacular, but better than average.  Santino always equals a higher rating.

The Ask a Diva segment has a Thanksgiving theme…notice that Michelle McCool isn’t involved.  I’ll let you put two and two together.

William Regal and Vladimir Kozlov are in the back and they’re (angrily) walking.  I guess Big Zeke is going to turn face on these two…to the excitement of….ummmm…no one.

The two of spades was a loser at my school, too.

Ted DiBiase, Jr. is going to be in a movie?  Unless it’s called Apathy Man or Emotionless Guy Goes to Camp, I can’t even imagine how DiBiase can be in it.  It’s amazing when Cena can’t even be in a sequel to his own shitty movies.  Who’s going to be in 12 Rounds II?  Sheamus?

We’re on to more action…if you have a loose definition of the word “Action.”

Vladimir Kozlov vs. Goldust

Shove by Kozlov to start.  Goldust is backed to the corner, but he ducks a Kozlov punch and hits one of his own.  Goldust with more maneuvering, but he meets with a Kozlov shoulderblock.  Kozlov goes for a charge, but Goldust low bridges him.  Outside the ring, Goldust hits a flying punch, but can’t follow up.  After a knee, Kolzov tries to run Goldust into the post, but Goldust slips out and sends Vladimir’s headski to the postski.  This allows WGN to take us to some commercialskis…comrade.

We’re back, and Goldust is surprisingly in control.  Kozlov sends Goldust to the corner, but hits a foot on a corner charge.  Goldust to the second turnbuckle, but Kozlov hits a headbutt to the midsection.  Kozlov pops off some trapping headbutts and a belly-to-belly suplex.  He follows with some punches to the midsection a pin attempt that gets 1.3.  Kozlov follows by clamping on a reverse bearhug.  Goldust gets up and stomps on Kozlov's foot.  Goldust hits his trademark lay down punch, which he follows with more punches.  Kozlov whiffs a kick and Goldust hits a clothesline and follows with a bulldog.  He continues with the momentum by landing some punches in the corner, but he's reversed on an Irish whip.  Kozlov tries a splash in the corner, but Goldust catches him and slams him!!  That was actually kind of amazing!  Goldust tries to follow up, but Kozlov manages to escape and hit his uranage slam for the three count.

Winner:  Vladimir Kozlov

Rating: 

That match was slightly better than average, considering the participants.  The Goldust catch and slam was pretty amazing, too.

After the match, the two heels smile in a manner most evil.  To prove that he’s a REAL MAN'S heel, Regal hits his running knee on Goldust and smirks in a manner nearly as evil as before.

We learn some definitions that relate to John Cena…I have a few more words that perhaps we can relate to Cena:  vanilla, sell, variety, and ad nauseum.

On RAW, Sheamus qualified to be in a PPV main event.  So….Dolph Ziggler can’t be in a PPV match, but Sheamus can main event?  I don’t necessarily hate Sheamus, but isn’t it a tad early?  I will say, however, that if Orton would’ve won, I never would’ve watch WWE again.  At least Sheamus is something different, so I’ll give WWE some credit.

The TLC PPV is shaping up to be better than Survivor Series, which was the very definition of average.  The opening match (Team Miz vs. Team Morrison) was great, Rey vs. Basita was bleh, Team Orton vs. Team Kofi was okay, and the women’s match was atrocious.  The Show/Jericho/Undertaker match was proof that The Undertaker needs to hang it up, but the DX/Cena match was really good, if not extremely predictable.  Overall, I would give it about a six.

We’re on to the main event…

R-Truth vs. Dolph Ziggler

At Survivor Series, the “dark birth of The Undertaker was born.”  That doesn’t make any sense and is ridiculously redundant. 

R-Truth with dancing to start…tie up to follow.  Ziggler with an arm wrench to a side headlock.  Punch to the face by Ziggler followed by a hasty retreat.  Ziggler cowers in the corner, but uses heel tactics to gain the edge.  Ziggler channels Mr. Perfect and does the running neck snap to a seated R-Truth.  Ziggler returns to the arm, but R-Truth punches out.  Ziggler retreats to the outside.  Back in, Ziggler backs Truth to the corner, but his punches fail, and Ziggler is forced to retreat again.  Ziggler returns to the attack again, punching and kicking R-Truth in the corner. An Irish whip to the opposite corner leads to more punches and kicks.  Another Irish whip leads to R-Truth’s typical offense (a leap over into a backflip, the split under clothesline, and the leg lariat).  Ziggler retreats AGAIN, but this time, R-truth launches himself over the top rope and shoulder blocks Ziggler on the outside (at least that’s what it LOOKED like).  With both men down, we have time for some commercials.

Coming out of the commercial, R-Truth has an armbar locked on.  Ziggler gets up and fights out, but Truth kicks him right in the gut.  Truth misses an ax kick AND a flippy elbow, and then he rolls to the outside.  Ziggler screams for the ref to count R-Truth out…which he does…to EIGHT!  Ziggler decides to stay on the attack, and heads out to beat on Truth some more.  Ziggler locks on a rear chinlock and does some showboating.  Truth fights up, but Ziggler beats him right back down by using the hair.  Ziggler with a slam and six elbows…punctuated by a loud “You suck!”  Unfortunately, a pin attempt doesn’t succeed.  Mounted punches by Ziggler.  Rear naked…chinlock by Ziggler leads to some punches.  Truth gets up and punches his way out of the hold.  A knee from Ziggler, Truth reverses a move into  a back slide.  R-truth with clotheslines and a hip toss.  R-Truth hits a nice suplex-to-stunner move.  A pin attempt by R-Truth gets 2.69.  Ziggler fights back by slamming truth’s head to the mat.  Ziggler tries a corner splash, but misses.  R-truth hits a fancy-pants axe kick, but can’t get the pin.  A pair of small packages…one for each man.  Ziggler goes for a leg drop to the back of R-Truth’s head, but misses.  This allows R-truth to hit his spinning elbow (The Lie Detector?) for the victory.

Winner:  R-Truth

Rating: 

That was a really good match.  I don’t like the direction they’re sending Dolph Ziggler (down down down), but he’s still a pretty talented guy. 

Before I go back to sleep off the rest of my Thanksgiving dinner, let me give out some awards.

1.21 Gigawatts of Awesomeness Award:  Every match was good…awards for everyone involved.

Biff Tannen Butthead Award:  Ziggler losing again was kind of a bummer…but that’s about it.

What am I thankful for?  I'm thankful that the show didn't suck this week!

Hey, everyone, have a good Thanksgiving weekend…enjoy your family, friends, and time off. 

SEND FEEDBACK TO  GREAT SCOTT.

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).