WWE Superstars Recap for November 5, 2009
Happy November, loyal readers…perhaps I’m being optimistic by pluralizing that, but, what the hell. Welcome back to another Superstars Recap. I’m “Great” Scott, and I’m actually looking forward to this week’s episode of Superstars. I did my pre-show research (five minutes on WWE’s Web site) and I think I’ll like this episode…three good matches on tap. I only hope they don’t ruin it with a pointless squash or Divas match. Only time will tell.
As always, I’d like to start with “Great” Scott’s
Recommendation of the Week. This week, it’s
Dragon Age: Origins for the XBOX 360. I’m addicted to
If you like Bioware’s stuff (Mass Effect, Jade
Empire, Knights of the
With that out of the way, let’s get on to tonight’s action. We’ll start with…YES!!
Santino Marella vs. Chavo Guererro
I can’t believe how much funnier face Santino is than heel Santino. Chavo’s being funny, however, not so much. I’m pretty sure that’s because Chavo is stuck with the comedy anchor that is Hornswoggle.
We start with your typical tieup…no, Santino with the spitting cobra pose!! Nice! Sweep the leg!! Chavo slaps away the pose, but can’t follow up…so Santino busts out the pose ONE MORE TIME!! Please, Santino, don’t’ hurt `em!! Chavo uses some heel offense to get the upper hand, but Santino fights back by angrily smashing Guerrero’s head to the turnbuckles. Chavo regains control with a back elbow and some stomps. Chavo follows that with a European uppercut and a pin attempt. An odd belly-to-belly by Chavo is followed with another pin attempt. Santino catches Chavo napping and tries a backslide, but fails to get the duke. His momentum is short lived, as Chavo busts loose with a nice dropkick. Chavo clamps on a chinlock, and then pounds Santino when he gets to a vertical base. Chavo decides he hasn’t been “heelish” enough, so he begins taunting and smacking Santino in the head. He returns to the chinlock and Santino gets an AUDIBLE chant. Santino totally oversells the chinlock (like he’s asleep), but HULKS UP AND GOES ON THE WARPATH!!! Santino lights into Chavo with a flurry of punches ala Dusty Rhodes, does a more complex version of the cobra pose, his split, and a hiptoss. Unfortunately, his saluting chop dive thing misses. Chavo back up with some stomps. Chavo decides he’s going to finish it by going to the outs…no, he gets back in the ring to reposition Santino and Santino locks on the deadly small package for the WIN!!! LET’S PLAY THE TROMBONE!!! Santino RULES!!
Santino’s new “Spitting Cobra Punch” is awesome…and I can’t get enough of the trombone after the win. Sure, that match was average at best, but an extra half Doc Brown for the comedy factor.
Ask a Dumba….err, Diva. It sucked, but did I really have to say that?
GTA downloadable content? Listen to “Great” Scott; go get Saint’s Row 2 instead.
The jobless rate is skyrocketing and Geico hires a Gila monster? They suck.
No time for smartass comments, we’re back!! This time we have…
Jack Swagger vs. Primo
Ummm….this match wasn’t on the WWE Web site. This was,
however, just on last week…well, their last match was
okay, so perhaps I’m being too hasty. Let’s see if
Primo starts with a go-behind, an angry shove,
and some taunting to start, as if he realizes he lost to
Swagger in the past. I haven’t seen
this in a while in WWE, but is this CONTINUITY!?!? Wow! Swagger gets
pissed and falls prey to a drop toehold and falling
headbutt by Primo, who follows up with an armlock.
Swagger slams Primo to escape, but he misses with an
elbow drop, and then gets flying head scissored by
Primo tries to follow up, but he’s caught on a
corner charge and slammed to the corner. Swagger proceeds
to straight up BEAT DOWN Primo in the corner, which he
follows with not one, but TWO Vader splashes in the
Jack breaks out a seated abdominal stretch that he heels
up by tugging at Primo’s
Winner: Jack Swagger
Another good, by-the-books wrestling match. I’m liking Swagger more every week (as long as he doesn’t talk), and I feel sadder and sadder that the WWE chose to break up the Colons.
I’m sure this will kill my credibility, but I actually didn’t think that Raw’s Got Talent skit wa that bad. So it didn’t serve any purpose, but the crowd was actually into it…they actually LAUGHED at Chris Master’s bobbing chesticles. Come on, it was sorta’ funny. Chavo’s selling of Khali’s chop and “Jack”Swoggle….come on!! We can’t be TOO jaded here. The main event was actually kinda’ good, too. Lastly, the WWE needs more big men like Sheamus. Sure, he’s no CM Punk, but the guy can actually move pretty well and he does look a little different than the tan, long hair clones that WWE turns out. I wish they would’ve left him on ECW for a while, because RAW’s overloaded as it is, but what do I know?
Another GTA game? Like I said three or so paragraphs back, save your money and buy Saint’s Row 2.
WWE must be in charge of the commercials, since those are re-run ad nauseum like the matches.
Wow, we get ANOTHER rerun, this time with the Did You Know? segment. Crazy.
Oh, here’s some variety, as we’re going to see…
Paul Burchill vs. Tyler Reks
these two announcers are both MAD tools…and
Winner: Paul Burchill
That match wasn’t bad, but it ended way too quickly and awkwardly. I hope no one got hurt.
Are they going to break up DX AGAIN?!? HHH and Shawn Michaels might be good, but man, it’s been DONE…but that seems to be the WWE theme lately. I will say something, at least the two Survivor Series main events seem interesting; but are they really teasing breaking up two more tag teams? Just stick it out Cryme Tyme, and you’ll be tag champs by default!!
Parts Unknown is about three miles away from The Outer Reaches of Your Mind.
Yoshi Tatsu video package. How can this guy be a successful face without some overblown move that takes five minutes to set up that is super low impact (like Kingston’s double leg drop, the Tyler Reks’ elbow, the Ballin’ Elbow, the People’s Elbow, or The Worm)? People actually like performers that are just talented guys? Huh…weird.
Batista’s six-second heel turn…that no one cares about. How can he be a deacon and be so mean? TESTIFY!
Man, this video package is going on forever and this heel turn took like two shows…okay, good it’s over and we’re heading to a completely different strata of talent, as it’s time for…
Chris Jericho vs. Finlay
I used to like these two when I was playing WCW vs. NOW on N64 (waaaaaay back in the day). If only the WWE would bring back La Parka and Disco Inferno, I’d be a happy camper.
I didn’t know we bombed
We’re back, and
Match starts with
A fat slob with a bladder problem? Rush Limbaugh is in GTA Liberty City Stories? I learn something new every day.
Alicia Fox isn’t very good at reading cue cards (or Tele-prompters, as the case may be). She does, however, do a pretty mean axe kick.
We’re back, and
Winner: Chris Jericho…for a change
That match was really good…one of the best you’ll see on this show. Relatively good psychology and pacing and some good moves. Really good stuff.
The final chunk of this recap is going to be tough for a change…
The 1.21 Gigawatts of Awesomeness Award: Actually almost everything is worth this award…this week was pretty darned good.
The Biff Tannen Butthead Award: That bitch who wouldn’t stop screaming during the last match. My wife even heard it and said it was probably recorded…I couldn’t even imagine why.
You folks have a “great” weekend…I’ll be recovering from a bruised rib I received on the basketball court. Hopefully, I’ll be at 100 percent for next week’s recap. I’m out!
THE TWF "MENTAL WELLNESS TEST!"
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