WWE
Superstars Recap for November 5, 2009
Happy November, loyal readers…perhaps I’m being
optimistic by pluralizing that, but, what the hell. Welcome back to
another Superstars Recap. I’m “Great”
Scott, and I’m actually looking forward to this week’s
episode of Superstars. I did my
pre-show research (five minutes on WWE’s Web site) and I
think I’ll like this episode…three good matches on tap.
I only hope they don’t ruin it with a pointless squash
or Divas match.
Only time will tell.
As always, I’d like to start with “Great” Scott’s
Recommendation of the Week. This week, it’s
Dragon Age: Origins for the XBOX 360. I’m addicted to
this game.
If you like Bioware’s stuff (Mass Effect, Jade
Empire, Knights of the
With that out of the way, let’s get on to tonight’s
action.
We’ll start with…YES!!
Santino Marella vs. Chavo
Guererro
I can’t believe how much funnier face Santino is than
heel Santino.
Chavo’s being funny, however, not so much. I’m pretty sure
that’s because Chavo is stuck with the comedy anchor
that is Hornswoggle.
We
start with your typical tieup…no, Santino with the
spitting cobra pose!! Nice! Sweep the leg!!
Chavo slaps away the pose, but can’t follow up…so
Santino busts out the pose ONE MORE TIME!! Please, Santino,
don’t’ hurt `em!!
Chavo uses some heel offense to get the upper
hand, but Santino fights back by angrily smashing
Guerrero’s head to the turnbuckles. Chavo regains
control with a back elbow and some stomps. Chavo follows
that with a European uppercut and a pin attempt. An odd
belly-to-belly by Chavo is followed with another pin
attempt.
Santino catches Chavo napping and tries a
backslide, but fails to get the duke. His momentum is
short lived, as Chavo busts loose with a nice dropkick.
Chavo clamps on a chinlock, and then pounds
Santino when he gets to a vertical base. Chavo decides he
hasn’t been “heelish” enough, so he begins taunting and
smacking Santino in the head. He returns to
the chinlock and Santino gets an AUDIBLE chant. Santino totally
oversells the chinlock (like he’s asleep), but HULKS UP
AND GOES ON THE WARPATH!!! Santino lights
into Chavo with a flurry of punches ala Dusty Rhodes,
does a more complex version of the cobra pose, his
split, and a hiptoss. Unfortunately,
his saluting chop dive thing misses. Chavo back up
with some stomps.
Chavo decides he’s going to finish it by going to
the outs…no, he gets back in the ring to reposition
Santino and Santino locks on the deadly small package
for the WIN!!!
LET’S PLAY THE TROMBONE!!! Santino RULES!!
Winner:
Santino
Rating:
Santino’s new “Spitting Cobra Punch” is awesome…and I
can’t get enough of the trombone after the win. Sure, that match
was average at best, but an extra half Doc Brown for the
comedy factor.
Ask a Dumba….err, Diva. It sucked, but
did I really have to say that?
GTA downloadable content? Listen to
“Great” Scott; go get Saint’s Row 2 instead.
The jobless rate is skyrocketing and Geico hires a Gila
monster?
They suck.
No time for smartass comments, we’re back!! This time we
have…
Jack Swagger vs. Primo
Ummm….this match wasn’t on the WWE Web site. This was,
however, just on last week…well, their last match was
okay, so perhaps I’m being too hasty. Let’s see if
they deliver.
Primo starts with a go-behind, an angry shove,
and some taunting to start, as if he realizes he lost to
Swagger in the past. I haven’t seen
this in a while in WWE, but is this CONTINUITY!?!? Wow! Swagger gets
pissed and falls prey to a drop toehold and falling
headbutt by Primo, who follows up with an armlock.
Swagger slams Primo to escape, but he misses with an
elbow drop, and then gets flying head scissored by
primo.
Primo tries to follow up, but he’s caught on a
corner charge and slammed to the corner. Swagger proceeds
to straight up BEAT DOWN Primo in the corner, which he
follows with not one, but TWO Vader splashes in the
corner. Ol’
Jack breaks out a seated abdominal stretch that he heels
up by tugging at Primo’s
Winner: Jack Swagger
Rating:
Another good, by-the-books wrestling match. I’m liking
Swagger more every week (as long as he doesn’t talk),
and I feel sadder and sadder that the WWE chose to break
up the Colons.
I’m sure this will kill my credibility, but I actually
didn’t think that Raw’s Got Talent skit wa that bad.
So it didn’t serve any purpose, but the crowd was
actually into it…they actually LAUGHED at Chris Master’s
bobbing chesticles.
Come on, it was sorta’ funny. Chavo’s selling
of Khali’s chop and “Jack”Swoggle….come on!! We can’t be TOO
jaded here.
The main event was actually kinda’ good, too.
Lastly, the WWE needs more big men like Sheamus.
Sure, he’s no CM Punk, but the guy can actually
move pretty well and he does look a little different
than the tan, long hair clones that WWE turns out. I wish they
would’ve left him on ECW for a while, because RAW’s
overloaded as it is, but what do I know?
Another GTA game?
Like I said three or so paragraphs back, save
your money and buy Saint’s Row 2.
WWE must be in charge of the commercials, since those
are re-run ad nauseum like the matches.
Wow, we get ANOTHER rerun, this time with the Did You
Know? segment.
Crazy.
Oh, here’s some variety, as we’re going to see…
Paul Burchill vs. Tyler Reks
Dude,
these two announcers are both MAD tools…and
Winner: Paul Burchill
Rating:
That match wasn’t bad, but it ended way too quickly and
awkwardly.
I hope no one got hurt.
Are they going to break up DX AGAIN?!? HHH and Shawn
Michaels might be good, but man, it’s been DONE…but that
seems to be the WWE theme lately. I will say
something, at least the two Survivor Series main events
seem interesting; but are they really teasing breaking
up two more tag teams? Just stick it
out Cryme Tyme, and you’ll be tag champs by default!!
Parts Unknown is about three miles away from The Outer
Reaches of Your Mind.
Yoshi Tatsu video package. How can this guy
be a successful face without some overblown move that
takes five minutes to set up that is super low impact
(like Kingston’s double leg drop, the Tyler Reks’ elbow,
the Ballin’ Elbow, the People’s Elbow, or The Worm)?
People actually like performers that are just
talented guys?
Huh…weird.
Batista’s six-second heel turn…that no one cares about. How can he be a
deacon and be so mean?
TESTIFY!
Man, this video package is going on forever and this
heel turn took like two shows…okay, good it’s over and
we’re heading to a completely different strata of
talent, as it’s time for…
Chris Jericho vs. Finlay
I used to like these two when I was playing WCW vs. NOW
on N64 (waaaaaay back in the day). If only the WWE
would bring back La Parka and Disco Inferno, I’d be a
happy camper.
I didn’t know we bombed
We’re back, and
Match starts with
A fat slob with a bladder problem? Rush Limbaugh is
in GTA Liberty City Stories? I learn
something new every day.
Alicia Fox isn’t very good at reading cue cards (or
Tele-prompters, as the case may be). She does,
however, do a pretty mean axe kick.
We’re back, and
Winner: Chris
Jericho…for a change
Rating:
That match was really good…one of the best you’ll see on
this show.
Relatively good psychology and pacing and some
good moves.
Really good stuff.
The final chunk of this recap is going to be tough for a
change…
The 1.21 Gigawatts of Awesomeness
Award: Actually almost
everything is worth this award…this week was pretty
darned good.
The Biff Tannen Butthead Award: That bitch who
wouldn’t stop screaming during the last match. My wife even
heard it and said it was probably recorded…I couldn’t
even imagine why.
You folks have a “great” weekend…I’ll be recovering from
a bruised rib I received on the basketball court. Hopefully, I’ll
be at 100 percent for next week’s recap. I’m out!
TWF FLASHBACK
November 2006
SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!
With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).
POPULAR UPDATES
SATIRE: WWE's Discontinued X-Mas Products
DVD Review: End Game, Starring Kurt Angle
50+ Random Star Wars Lines You Can Use In The Middle Of Sex To Hilarious Results
CLASSIC SATIRE: ECW Goes Sci-Fi
Stephen Rivera's 4th Fall: Introduction
Broken News: U.S. Hero with Golden Trunks Becomes Homeless Man
When Wrestling Merchandise Goes Bad: WWE Finger Rings
CLASSIC SATIRE: Guess Who's HHHaving a Baby?
Broken News: WWE Pro Grappling "Gentle Giant" Reunited with Estranged Son
TWF Entertainment: VH1's 40 Greatest Celebrity Feuds
The WWE Developmental Rookie Name Generator
Wacky TV Recapitation: Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling
BACON'S BIGTIME PPV REPORT OF NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS & SUCH.
VIDEO SATIRE: 'Til Death Do Us Part!
SATIRE: WWE Acquires the History Channel!
Sean Carless's WRESTLING WITH MANIA
CLASSIC SATIRE: RAW is STAR WARS!