WWE Superstars Recap for April 29, 2010
Howdy, gang. It's me, "Great" Scott, the only recapper who really isn't affected too much by the draft, which was pretty much ridiculous, by the way. Let's put all of the talent on one show? John Morrison and about five more really talented guys can essentially prepare to be buried. Congratulations!
So, before we continue to tonight's show, I want to do this week's top ten list. Again, I couldn't really think of anything insanely clever, so I'm going to give you all a little peak into my life. I recently purchased an iPod touch and I'm loading my music on to it. That task gave me the idea to do…
Top Ten Artists (by Number of Songs) in "Great" Scott's iPod
10. Tom Petty
9. Bloodhound Gang
8. Richard Cheese
7. The Beatles
6. Biz Markie
5. Crash Test Dummies
4. Bowling for Soup
3. Barenaked Ladies
2. They Might Be Giants
1. "Weird Al" Yankovic
So, now that you see my taste in music is perhaps the most ridiculous on Earth, let's get to this week's action.
Gail Kim vs. Jillian
Did I say we were getting to this week's "action?" Sorry about that.
Anyway, a tieup leads to a wristlock by Gail Kim. Jillian tolerates that for mere seconds before tossing Gail down by her hair. Jillian tries a flipping leg drop, but misses, allowing Gail to go to work. Unfortunately, Gail's momentum doesn't last long, as Jillian gets her knees up to block a Gail Kim spear. Gail, however, doesn't quit, and she manages to hit a nice (for a diva) head scissors off the top rope. Gail tries to follow by leaping onto Jillian's shoulders (to presumably go for a roll-forward pin), but Jillian stops that by hitting an electric chair drop. Jillian goes for a pin, but fails to get the win. Jillian slams Gail and gets boos from the crowd. Jillian pops Gail with a couple of mounted punches and then locks on a rest hold. Gail quickly escapes and goes to work with some sloppy offense. Gail attempts to sell the back that Jillian had worked for about four seconds, but whatever. Jillian continues to work the back, culminating with an Irish whip to the corner. Jillian tries for two pins, but fails both times. She decides to channel Randy Orton and clamps on a chinlock. The match sorta' gets boring from here, as it takes the divas about a full minute to set up another head scissors spot. Gail gains the advantage with a pair of clothesline, and a leaping clothesline in the corner. Gail follows that with a flying bodypress, but Jillian rolls through. Jillian sets up Gail in the corner for a screaming banshee splash and actually hits it, which is pretty amazing. Jillian, however, presses her luck and misses on a corner spear. Gail grabs Jillian by the arm, puts her foot in Jillian's face, and hits the Eat Defeat (or Eat Da' Feet) for the win.
Winner: Gail Kim
That match was okay, for a divas match. It got a little slow in the middle, but picked up okay at the end. This match, however, did make me sad that the WWE released Mickie James. Now, the women's division rests on the bony shoulders of Michelle McCool….ugh.
Actually, Michael Cole reminds me that Eve Torres is also a women's champion…double ugh.
Next, we get a recap of the draft. The show is a little less interesting without ECW around to get totally raped. RAW gets tons of talent and Smackdown gets useless one-trick ponies (Kelly Kelly, Big Show, Chavo, and Hornswoggle). Oh yeah, and as is par for the course, ANOTHER tag team had to break up as a result of the draft. Sigh.
Brief footnote, Santino was awesome on the draft show. Anytime I get to see Santino play the air trombone, I am a happy man.
Also, take a drink anytime the moronic announcers say "the landscape has changed." I don't know who Vince hired in his marketing department, but they're big fans of repetition. We don't all have ADD, Vince.
Next, a Daniel Bryan video package. Awesome how
Zack Ryder vs. Primo
Rosa Mendes has been moved to Smackdown, but I guess that doesn't matter here in the black hole that is Superstars.
I forgot that Primo even had a job. Now would be a nice time to reunite him with Carlito. I can't understand what the WWE creative team has against tag teams. With the Hart Dynasty as champs, they could really strengthen the tag team division.
After a quick shoving match, Ryder takes advantage, only to have Primo escape and go to town on him. When I want to smell underutilized, I wear Primo Cologne. A quick exchange sees Primo botch a spot on the apron, but he quickly recovers with a dropkick and armdrag takedown. Ryder tries to regain control, but Primo sends him flying to the outside. Primo fakes a dive, but then hits one of the sweetest flying bodypresses to the outside I've ever seen. Primo rolls Ryder back in and goes for a cover, but doesn't get the pin. Primo works Ryder in the corner, but the ref separates the two men, allowing Ryder to hit a kick and a suplex over the top rope. Ryder punctuates the series by kneelifting Primo over the top rope. Commercial time!
we return, Ryder has a leg scissors locked on. Rosa Mendes
looks smoking hot on the outside of the ring, despite
the fact that she dresses like Peg Bundy. Man, Ryder has
this hold locked in for a while. Primo escapes
and goes for a pin, but doesn't get the duke. Ryder regains
control with a flapjack and then continues to work over
After a baseball slide dropkick by Ryder,
Winner: Zack Ryder
That was a pretty good match. Rosa Mendes is actually one of the better manager/arm candy performers in the WWE.
Next, we're treated to a…screw this, I'm not typing a word about this crap. I hate Batista, and I really dislike John Cena. `Nuff said.
Another WWE drinking game…take a swig every time Sheamus says, "Fella(s)." You'll be sloshed about 30 seconds into the interview.
The Hart Dynasty (with Natalya) vs. The Dudebusters (Seriously?)
Seriously, I thought the days of straight up jobbers was over. These two knuckleheads make The Brooklyn Brawler look like Hulk Hogan.
The guy with
When we return, Dudebuster Trent has Smith in a
Smith gets to his feet and elbows out, but
Baretta flips out of a suplex and belts Kidd. This doesn't
last long, however, as Smith makes a tag that allows
Kidd to hit a sweet series of kicks and a pumphandle gut
Croft tries for a distraction, but Kidd kicks him
Winner: The Hart Dynasty
I reeeeeally hope someone from the WWE offices was watching this match. Tag team wrestling can be successful if they'd stop throwing random crappy guys together (coughcoughMVPandMarkHenrycoughcough) and calling them a tag team. These two teams show what tag team wrestling can be, and they're not even really great teams…just very good ones. The Colons and Edge and Christian are still on the roster…it wouldn't take much to write them back together as teams. They've fired most of the other good tag team wrestlers, but I'm sure FCW could produce a few decent teams. I still think William Regal and that British guy from NXT would be a good team. Nevertheless, look for the Hart Dynasty to break up within the next two months.
Sorry about that little rant…I'm sure you have better things to do. So, before you head to the exits, let me hand out some awards.
The Golden Batarang Award: The tag team match was great and nothing on the show was totally terrible.
The Lame Ass Shark Repellent Award: I'm just going to give it to the recent rash of firings…I mean, you're keeping Mark Henry and getting rid of Shelton Benjamin?!? Becaaaaaause?
That's it for me this week, kids. Have a good
you don't have anything better to do, Kick-Ass was a
pretty good movie!
THE TWF "MENTAL WELLNESS TEST!"
With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).