PRO WRESTLING
[Teasers & Links Below!]
 
Ah, yes. Pro-Wrestling. The medium that has allowed me to gain great fame and non-fortune. For 5 years and counting, Yours me'ly has cut my teeth on the sport of kings...kings who wear bikini underwear, and been the voice of the truly tasteless and acquired a following not seen since the days of Jesus. Aguilera, I mean. You know, Carlito's ex-bodyguard? I'm sure there was a few people who liked him. How could you not? He wore Banana-colored pants pulled up to his nipples! My Grandfather is the only other dude I've ever seen pull off this look convincingly.
 
Anyway, below, you will see hundreds of my Wrestling archives, read by millions, one quarter of which even came back for more after being completely offended and disgusted. Even! 
 
These columns, along with my patented Recapitations and Satires, have been re-posted and reformatted for your reading pleasure, all illustrated with the photoshops and written in the Insane stream of consciousness-style I've pioneered. That's right, some pioneers discover new countries for which to make a new life and community for family & friends; *I* "pioneer" by spending 5 straight years trying to think of new masturbation jokes, making pictures of Vince McMahon being raped by Panda Bears, and desperately trying to come up with new & different ways to say Hulk Hogan is orange, and laugh at the fact that he does his grocery shopping in a WEIGHTLIFTER'S BELT (Who know how heavy that produce may be, bruther!) and wears a DEW RAG with a tuxedo. That's class. Bruther.
 
In any event, whether you want Pay-per-view Recaps, Full parodies, or my patented "Back-Leg Frontkick" column that has mutated over the years from straight "News" parodies to just an excuse to make fun of one topic, no matter how seemingly irrelevant, it's all here (or will be. I still have about 100 more achieves coming).
 
So, relive the pain all over again, and slowly watch my passion for this industry evaporate by the time 2005 rolled around. It's great. If you have a really good computer, you'll see the exact moment I'm driven mad and lose the will to live. (Cough*UNFORGIVEN2004*cough.).
 
So let's get to it. Full Archivery (It is too a word! It's Wrestling! No one disputes "Thuganomics" and Destrucity". Come on!) for you to sink your teeth into. Or tooth, if indeed you fit the stereotype most wrestling fans are thought to fall into.
 
PRO WRESTLING LINKAGE~!
(Newest content found at the bottom of the page).

RECAPITATION: WRESTLEMANIA XIX! (03/30/03) On this night, Triple H sets race relations back a hundred years! Brock Lesnar debuts his vaunted Shooting star face-plant! Stone Cold & Rock make the only good third sequel in history! HBK turns the other cheek, while refusing to put his shoulders down! And Hulkamania meets Egomania, in a battle twenty years in the not really giving a shit about! All this, plus so much more! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

RECAPITATION: JUDGMENT DAY 2003: (05/18/03) welcome to JUDGMENT DAY! You know, the day God decides to just pack it in and end the world, before passing final judgment upon thee for your many sins. One of which is ordering a pay-per-view being headlined by Kevin Nash. You should be ashamed of yourselves! Enjoy your eternity! (which for the record is what this PPV felt like...) Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

RECAPITATION: BAD BLOOD 2003: (06/16/03) It's Bad Blood! RAW's first ever single brand pay-per-view, and the first rejected name for Rock Hudson's autobiography! The good news is HHH and Kevin Nash went to Hell. The bad news is they came back. Just who walked out (hobbled out) of the UNFORGIVING structure as champion? And can anything ever make this cage accept an apology? Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

RECAPITATION: VENGEANCE 2003: (07/23/03) Eddie Guerrero becomes the champion of USA for you, esse! Sable battles Stephanie McMahon in wrestling's first No holds used match, Big Show, Kurt Angle and Brock Lesnar engage in a three way, and the War Amps officially stop asking Vince McMahon for donations. Imagine that. Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

RECAPITATION: SUMMER SLAM 2003: (08/24/04) It's Summer-time! And the living is easy. Pity you won't feel the same way after this fucking show is done. Featuring: The only Jew on earth insisting he get locked in something called an "elimination chamber"! And Kurt Angle taking on "the real" Brock Lesnar! The robot clone he normally uses is in the shop getting repaired, apparently. Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  09.17.03: Giving My Two Cents (Then Taking it Back Since It's Canadian, And Thus Worthless). Featuring: God Smites The Useless! It's Not Sodom And Gomorrah, but Hey, That One Dude Did Do Unnatural Things With His Ass! Plus, Impending HHH Wedding Buzz (And Not From YJ Stinger Bees), Chyna Changes Her Name But Keeps Her Masculinity, And The Actual Retail Value Of TNA. All This, Plus Much More! Click HERE To Read!

RECAPITATION: UNFORGIVEN 2003: (09/21/03) It's Unforgiven! The show that holds grudges. And then presents grudge matches that you don't want to see. I mean, JR & King vs. Coach & Al Snow? Dear lord. Plus, Shane battles Kane as the rain falls mainly on the plain, and HHH loses a quick ten pounds for his upcoming wedding! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  09.22.03: Featuring, Brock Won't Be Representing The Special Olympics Any Time Soon, Goldberg Gets The Gold Then Never Spends It Again, X-Pac Don't Treat Chyna Like A Woman, He Don't Treat Her Like A Man, He Treat Her Like A Punching Bag, And Vince Wants To Slip The McManhood To Steph? Dear God. All This, Plus Much More! Click HERE To Read!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  09.29.03: Featuring: Theories On Stephanie's Genetic Anomalies, The Non-White House Hopes Of Teddy Long, Mark Henry's Potential Hibernation, How The Divas May Have Broke The 7th Seal Of The Apocalypse, And Hunter Won't Put Over The Animal Kingdom Either; All This, Plus Much More! Click HERE   To Read!

RECAPITATION: NO MERCY 2003: (10/19/03) One week before her wedding, a Father gives away the bride... forever... by choking the life out of her. If only all weddings cost this little. Plus, a Wolverine gets on the tracks and causes an A-Train to derail! Zach Gowen gets a leg up on Matt Hardy, Eddie Guerrero goes from the fire into the frying pan hands, and Undertaker battles Brock Lesnar in the "first ever" Biker chain match. Huh. Now we know why it's never been done before. Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: 10.30.03: Halloween Edition! But Not Really! Featuring Insane Musings! Hukamania Running , err, Gingerly Walking Wildly! Stu Hart Taps Out To The Grim Reaper! Road Warrior Hawk Dines On Death..Literally! No Mercy Quick & Dirty, And My Super-Secret Inside Coverage of The Wedding Of The Century! Only Three Mid-Carders Were Held Back In The Making Of The These Nuptials! All This, Plus Much More~! Click HERE   To Read!

RECAPITATION: SURVIVOR SERIES 2003: (11/16/03) It's the Survivor Series! Now with one less McMahon! And as a result, Bret Hart hates this pay-per-view a little less. Featuring: Brock Lesnar learning that you can lead a Hoss to water, but you can't make them win. Wait, that's not how it goes. Plus, Vince McMahon buries The Undertaker, and Goldberg surprisingly avoids the same fate at the hands of HHH! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

SATIRE: HULKAMANIA FOREVER (12/12/03:): We all know that by judging how slowly he moves in the ring, the Stark Ravin' Hulkster is ancient, dude. But just how Ancient? We now have the answers! Apparently, Hulkamania began some 10,000 years ago, Jesus time! It's true! And we HAVE the records! From the Ten Commandments (shortened to 4 sometime in the mid-80's), to how he *really* lost his hair, to the ACTUAL first man (dude?) on the moon, History has just been re-written, bruther. Click HERE to read!

RECAPITATION: ARMAGEDDON 2003: (12/14/03) Welcome to Armageddon! A moment you always knew would come, but always hoped you'd never be around to see. And now that it is finally here, you'll have to pay the ultimate price. In this case, $39.95 for a Goldberg/Kane/HHH match. Dear Lord. It's times like that you wish it really was the end of the world.... Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

VAULT RECAPITATION: WWF'S EVEN MORE UNUSUAL MATCHES (12/26/03) The Konami cheat code is in effect when Hulk Hogan(s) takes on Harley Race(s); plus the elderly, midgets, women, animals! There all here! Is this 1980's WWF or the world's most disturbing Fetish porn? You decide! Click HERE to read!

SATIRE: REJECTED WWE SHOPZONE ITEMS (01/16/04): The following Items are not available for purchase on WWE Shopzone. Go figure. From what makes Mark Henry stink a little less (in-ring performances notwithstanding), to how Bradshaw avoids disease whilst breaking the spirits of much smaller men, we have all your bases covered. Click HERE to read!

RECAPITATION: ROYAL RUMBLE 2004: (01/25/04) The Vanilla midget finally stands tall! Well, as tall as you can stand at 5'8". Plus, "family issues" are resolved the good old fashion way, with flying headscissors and planchas! HHH and HBK face the conundrum of what happens when two entities consisting of not wanting to do jobs come into contact with one another, and Brock Lesnar faces the toughest test of his career! ...Trying not to laugh at the plight of Bob Holly. Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

SATIRE: WWE FALL TV PREVIEW (02/13/04:) This fall, CBS Viacom will team with World Wrestling Entertainment to bring you Classic TV revisited, only this time featuring WWE personalities in starring roles, in their desperate attempt to administer some FULL NIELSEN'S! (HIYO!). The following is the scheduled line-up. Click HERE to read!

RECAPITATION: NO WAY OUT 2004: (02/15/04) A night, that much like this great country, was built upon the back of hardworking Mexicans! All culminating with Eddie Guerrero battling Brock Lesnar for the WWE Title! It's "Here comes the Pain" versus "There goes the painkillers", and something has to give! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

RECAPITATION: WRESTLEMANIA XX. (03/14/05) Where it all began again...for about six months anyway; then it pretty much went back to the exact same company as before! But whatever. It was a night to behold! Vanilla midgets had their revenge! Aryan Supermen battled hulking Jews while the whole thing is overseen by an angry redneck! A deadman returns from the great beyond and looks ready to hit a Honky tonk bar! It's CRAZY. Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

SATIRE: WWE GOES TO THE MOVIES! (03/19/04) From the people who subjected the World to "WWE Originals" comes the latest offerings from WWE Films, just in time for the Summer Blockbuster season! And by "Blockbuster" we mean the store. And by the store we mean the discount bin. And by discount bin, we probably mean the dumpster out back; because there's a better chance people will purchase fucking Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol than any of these abortions. But hey, whatever. Click HERE to read!

RECAPITATION: BACKLASH 2004: (04/18/04) It's Chris Benoit Day and Holocaust Remembrance Day, so what better way to commemorate both then to destroy a guy with an Iron cross on his tights? Plus, Mick Foley introduces Randy Orton to Malibu's much-less-liked sister "Truth or Consequences Barbie", and Chris Jericho takes his dollar out of the hide of Christian and Trish Stratus! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

SATIRE: BROCK LESNAR: WRESTLING WITH FOOTBALL (05/14/04) After taking his ball and going home, Brock Lesnar has picked it up again, and fumbled it in the NFL! Kind of. Here are the latest completely true and not made up incidents The Next Big Thing has partaken in while trying to adjust to the gridiron from wrestling. Click HERE to read!

RECAPITATION: JUDGMENT DAY 2004: (05/16/04) It's Judgment Day! And God decided the best way to punish us heathens for our sins would be to subject us to a Bradshaw main event push! Repent now before he gets another rematch! Plus, Kurt "Blofeld" Angle torments a blond in lieu of Bond, Mordecai tries Scotty 2 Hotty for the sin of living in the past, and Booker T trades in his fishin' pole for some voodoo black magic and still comes up short against The Undertaker. Huh. Clearly, he should have talked to the last voodoo guy who tried to mess with The Undertaker. Might have saved himself a lot of grief. Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

SATIRE: CHRONICLES OF WARRIOR: OPERATION WARRIOR! (06/04/04) The Amazing True ULTIMATE~! story of the fall of Saddam. In a time of need, the U.S. government knew there was only one man who could be counted on to turn the tide of the Gulf War. That man was Ultimate Warrior. And he did it all wearing only Speedoes. WARRIAH! Click HERE to read!

RECAPITATION: GREAT AMERICAN BASH 2004: (06/27/04) It's the birth of America's newest summertime tradition! Well, so long as your idea of traditions include suffocating your best friend in cement after just saving him from a convoluted kidnapping plot! Plus a Dusty finish in a world title match! Holy shit, this really IS The Great American Bash after all! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

RECAPITATION: VENGEANCE 2004: (07/11/04) Triple H battles Chris Benoit, and a retard holds the fate of the world in his hands! Hey, maybe he should run for president! Plus, an Animal murders a Lion-tamer! Edge puts a legend killer to justice! And Matt Hardy gets a measure of revenge against the monster who secretly impregnated his girlfriend, the only way he knows how: with a flurry of wrestling offense! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

SATIRE: CHRONICLES OF WARRIOR: WARRIOR OF THE WORLDS! (07/16/04): Amidst a full blown Extra-Terrestrial Invasion, there was only ONE man to be counted on to dispose of Aliens. Usually, they're just Mexicans, but hey whatever. You take what you can get. Here is the never before heard (in English, and not, umm, Warrior) tale of how THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR saved the whole of humanity by waging inter-galactic war on a non-human plague! (not Hulkamania). Click HERE to read!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: 07.31.04: Featuring 1/1000 of Bret Hart Seeks Revenge on Vince McMahon, Paul Bearer Is Trapped In a Glass Case Of Emotion, Mordecai Ruptured To The Unemployment Line, O'Hare's Telling The Police Something They Don't Already Know, Rica Flair Pisses Off Foley AND Bret Hart, Then Travels The Known Universe! Wrestling's Most Celebrated Mustaches And Mullets! And Joanie Laure Debunks Myths of Her Gender By Hosting a Transsexual Pageant! You Go, Umm, Questionable Girl! All This, Plus So Much More! Click HERE   To Read!

RECAPITATION: SUMMER SLAM 2004: (08/15/04) Retards get sacrificed! Hometown boys get run out of town on a rail! Wolverines euthanized! Grim Reapers assault millionaires! Strippers get balls in the face! And the crowning of a fake youngest champion ever! What more could you want? A crowd that'd respect what they are watching, instead of doing the fucking wave? Umm, probably. Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: 08.31.04: Featuring , A Woman Beats Austin, Warrior Ramblings, Sable Released Into Captivity, Viking Brock Lesnar Thrown Over-Board, Divas Search Fallout, The Kane/Lita Wedding Album & A Rabid Road Warrior Animal Attacking Random People On Video... This Fall of Fox! All This Plus Much (MUCH) More! Click HERE To Read!

RECAPITATION: UNFORGIVEN 2004: (09/12/04) Yesterday may have *technically* been September 11th, but I guarantee you this is a night Randy Orton will "never forget"! Where's the NYFD when you need them? Someone needs to dig Orton out of his hole here! Plus, Tyson Tomko creates more problems than he solves, and Chris Jericho and Y2J battle for the vacant Intercontinental title with "100 pound" Aluminum ladders! Man, Someone might have weighed them on Hulk Hogan's scale! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  (09/23/04): Featuring Chronic Jeff Jarrett, Heidenreich For Dinner, Hulk Hogan Hype, The Death Of WCW, "Russo Style!", New Gimmicks For Randy Orton, The Debut Of "Bullshit ", Eddie Guerrero Gone Loco, The Raw Report Card, The Ultimate Collection Of Warrior Insults, And Gene Snitsky's Makes Your Pro Choice For You! All This Plus Much More! Click HERE To Read!

RECAPITATION: NO MERCY 2004: (10/04/04) It's No Mercy! The PPV that shows no sympathy for you or your wallet. Featuring JBL, Undertaker, a hearse, a pantsless chauffer, and the ultimate inhumanity of being locked inside of an "inescapable" car! There's no escape through that, umm, glass! So don't even try! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation!

RECAPITATION: TABOO TUESDAY 2004: (10/19/04) It's Taboo Tuesday! A HISTORIC night where, FINALLY, YOU get to have your voice heard! It's just too bad what you end up "saying" is what we've pretty much been seeing for 2 years anyway! Damn you for opening your big mouth! Featuring: For the first time in history, the father of the baby is aborted! HHH and 3/4's of Shawn Michaels wage war! Chris Benoit helps two Quebecers separate... from their tag titles! And Ric Flair gets a (legend) killer behind bars! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: 10.22.04: Featuring: No More Patterson Jokes?, RAW And SmackDown Diarrhea, HHH Travels Through Time! Terri Runnels For Sale! Dissecting Vince! A Look At Some New Faces! And The Missing Taboo Tuesday Rant! All This Plus Much More! Click HERE To Read!

RECAPITATION: SURVIVOR SERIES 2004: (11/14/04) Germans and Jews reconcile their differences to stop the Grim reaper! John Cena returns from the dead, and Jesus is at the forefront! plus, Booker T prays for a sixth finger, and Randy Orton bursts the bubble of the most inflated team in Survivor Series history! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: 11.19.04: Featuring: Goldberg Has Heat With Hef, Huge Firings, WWF sues WWE,What Really Happened To Vince, And The Return of BULLSHIT! Featuring Dave Gagnon & Harry Simon! TNA Invades WWE?, Carlito's "Conspiracy", Randy Savage Is Insane, The Week That Was, And More Snitsky Than You Can Shake A Stick At (Or A Coat Hanger). All This, Plus Much More! Click HERE To Read!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  12.03.04: YEAR-END 2004: In This Edition, I Look Back At The Year That Was; Featuring Old Favorites, Quotable Quotes, Highlights And Lowlights...And Of Course The Breakout Star of 2004 (Firguratively And Literally!) Gene Snitsky! All This, Plus Much More! Click HERE To Read!

VAULT RECPITATION: MACHO MADNESS: (12/04/04): Before he went completely insane, Macho Man Randy Savage used to be just kind of insane. It's 1988. It was all about Macho Madness. There was nothing Macho couldn't do. Bar make sense. And avoid a certain gigantic orange plague rolling in. This is Coliseum Video's official release, with a retrospective of the first half of Macho Man's WWF title reign. All his great wars are documented! Honky Tonk Man! Ted DiBiase! Ted DiBiase! Ted DiBiase! Ted Dibiase! And who could forget Ted Dibiase! (He fought him a few times...). Click HERE to read Sean's full Video review!

RECAPITATION: ARMAGEDDON 2004: (12/12/04) It's Armageddon! And as foretold in the Bible, Jesus has returned! Only this time he's wielding a cookie-sheet instead of a flaming sword! Who knew? Plus, in the spirit of Cheech & Chong, Mexicans and marijuana combine to make Dupree & Kenzo's title reign go up in smoke! And despite the implications of Armageddon, the World and the World Title reign of JBL survive the night. Go figure. Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

RECAPITATION: NEW YEAR'S REVOLUTION 2005! (01/10/05) Triple H finally gets Chris Jericho & Chris Benoit in a chamber, but forgoes the poison pellet! Plus, Shelton Benjamin beats Maven like a red-headed mono-browed step-child, Eugene & Lita head to Medical facility in Puerto Rico, and secretly hope the doctor who treated Bruiser Brody isn't on call, and Muhammad Hassan is a victim of midcard profiling! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  01.22.05: In This Edition, Sean Looks at WWE Divas In Playboy, Brock Lesnar's Return, More WWE ShopZone Buffoonery, And A Cameo By Canadian Bacon! Joanie Loves (To Kick The Shit Out Of ) X-Pacy! The Homicidal, Genoicidal, Suicidal Erik Watts, Or Maybe Just The Last Part, New Jack Stabs John Cena, And A Whole Lotta Wrestlers Doing Stupid Things. Plus Three New Additions To The Mullet Hall Of Fame! Plus Much More! Click HERE To Read!

RECAPITATION: ROYAL RUMBLE 2005! (01/30/05) The Road to Wrestlemania 21 begins, and this time it's man who becomes road kill at the hands of an animal! plus, Heidenreich ends up in a casket, but not in the manner in which we'd prefer! JBL proclaims his divinity! HHH does Darwin proud, and Vince loses his mind...and his legs! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

RECAPITATION: NO WAY OUT 2005! (02/20/05) Featuring the debut of the dreaded CARNIVORE that was the Barb-wire steel cage! It once survived on berries and shrubs alone, but now it has a taste for men! (Just like Kanyon). Join Sean as he passes out on the side of the Road To Wrestlemania, and decide for yourself whether it was truly No Way Out, or "Which way out?!" Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: (02/25/05): New Look...Same Great Taste! This Week Featuring: My Deep Dark Secret; Lex Luger Is Guilty...Of Being A Fucking Moron; Anvil In Trouble; Stone Cold = Dr. Evil? Me Getting Biblical; Vince Doesn't Have A Leg To Stand On; Amy Weber Fucks Off; TNA Is Not OK; Motivation: TWF Style! And Buying Batista's Underwear...All This, Plus Much More! Click HERE To Read!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: 03/23/05: Two Year TWF Anniversary Special: Featuring Completely Random News; The ULTIMATE Triple H Collection, Wrestling With Time, Matt Hardy FECES The Truth, Worst Wrestlemania Matches EVER; Original Wrestlemania Hi-Jinks, And WWE Films Presents! All This, Plus Much More~! Click HERE To Read!

RECAPITATION: WRESTLEMANIA XXI. (04/03/05) It was the night Wrestlemania went Hollywood! (Sorta!) A night Animals ran wild, Edge found lost money, HBK & Angle put on a classic, and Wall-Street fell to... Wahlberg? Sounds about right. All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  04/15/05: In This WARRIOR-SIZED Edition, We Look At WWE Hirings; WWE Firings; Fat Girls Crying; Searching For Divas; Bischoff's Naked Wife; A New Satire; And WARRIOR Wants To End My Life. (Well Sorta). All This Plus Much More!! Click HERE To Read!

SATIRE: TV PREVIEW: HOGAN KNOWS BEST! (04/24/05) Hulk Hogan is returning to Network TV, bruther, with his very own Reality TV show. And we have the *FIRST* look at what's in store for us, dudes. Ep. 1-5 are detailed. No obese Non-Americans were harmed in the making of this Series. Yet.  Click HERE to read!

RECAPITATION: BACKLASH 2005! (05/01/05) Featuring Batista facing the single greatest phenomenon to ever claim millions of innocent lives: the PEDIGREE~! Plus, Hulk Hogan & Shawn Michaels (D-Generated (e)X Champions?) battling Daivari, and a guy you're kinda supposed to forget ever existed! It's Backlash, a show so memorable, I don't even remember writing this Rant! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

SATIRE: THE WRESTLING FAN.COM SHOPZONE: (05/07/05) Over the last 3 years, I have created wrestling  related products SO tasteless, that they could only be found right HERE at The Wrestling Fan.com! And maybe Hell. It replaces sulfur and burning on Wednesdays. Here is the full collection on ONE page.  Click HERE to read!

SATIRE: RAW IS STARWARS! (05/13/05) Now that George Lucas  seemingly has A LOT of time on his hands, (when he's not counting his money), I take a look at what WWE might be like, if the show was written by Mr. Star Wars himself. Click here to read RAW IS STAR WARS! Click HERE to read!

RECAPITATION: JUDGMENT DAY 2005! (05/22/05) It's Judgment Day, a day when God passes judgment and punishment on all of humanity. And what better way to punish people then to subject them to a 13th consecutive JBL Main Event push? Plus, Bob Holly gets his obligatory Spring-time tag title shot, Mexican on tiny Mexican crime, Big Show relives a Disney classic, and Orlando Jordan gets away with murder! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

RECAPITATION: ECW ONE NIGHT STAND! (06/12/05) Much like a real one night stand, ECW delivered a night of no strings attached wanton pleasure! Only, unlike a woman, it only cost us 35 dollars to get off! If only all one night stand's were this fulfilling. In any event, join Sean as he looks at the chaos, memories and brutality that was perhaps the best pay-per-view of the last 5 years! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  06/17/05: In This Jam-Packed Edition, I Help Matt Hardy Start Dating Again, Explore Heidenreich's Strange Transformation From Cole-Raping Poet To Pied Piper; JBL Serves Blue Meanie A Low-Carb Potato, Harlem Sewer Mall-Rats, Orton's Shit Doesn't Stink, Plus The TWF Debut Of "If They Mated!". All This, Plus Much More! Click HERE To Read!

RECAPITATION: VENGEANCE 2005! (06/26/05) Join the fun as HHH and Batista move into the Devil's duplex, Kane, Edge and Lita settle "divorce" the good old fashioned way: with worked offense! HBK and Kurt Angle get Biblical, and the Champ is still here. All this plus much more! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  07/20/05: In This Lazy Summer Edition, I Look At Matt Hardy: The Excellence Of Edgucution, Between A Brock and A Hard Place, Mr. Ass Is An Asshole, Vince McMahon In The White House, And Getting To Know The Potential Divas! All This, Plus Much More! Or Less! Whatever! Click HERE To Read!

SATIRE: ULTIMATE WARRIOR 4 PRESIDENT! (07/30/05) In this edition, Sean Carless takes a ridiculous look at a potential 2008 Presidential bid for the Ultimate Warrior with: ULTIMATE WARRIOR FOR PRESIDENT! Just how would the Warrior-man handle the "tough" issues like immigration, the war on terror, and abortion? Press Slams? Probably. It always seemed to work for everything else.  Click HERE to read!

RECAPITATION: GREAT AMERICAN BASH 2005! (07/24/05) The Not-So-Great American Bash. A night where Undertaker single-handedly won the war on terror, Animal found new love, and a Wrestling God punished us heathens for our sins... by subjecting us to one of the worst main event matches ever! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

RECAPITATION: SUMMER SLAM 2005! (08/21/05) It's the "Biggest Party of the Summer". A night built entirely around a match that for all intents and purposes looked like a Hair Club ad for "Before" and "Way Before!" Plus, angry atrophied Olympians look to murder the mentally handicapped! An Animal battles a God that I suggest might be a little more forgiving of Sodom & Gomorrah! Adultery is settled the old fashioned way: WITH BODYSLAMS! And a child goes home with the first diminutive Mexican to climb a ladder. It's as true to life as you get. And I can't think of a better way to spend a summer. Ok, I lied. I can. But no one likes me, so I have no choice. Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: 09/09/05: FINAL EDITION? This Month We Look At Vince Screwing Bret Screwing Sunny, New Identities For Muhammad Hassan, Raven Quote's The Torah Never More, Wrestling's Boulevard Of Broken Dreams, Wrestling's WORST Theme Songs, And Revised Motivational Posters! All This, Plus Much More! Click HERE To Read!

RECAPITATION: UNFORGIVEN 2005! (09/18/05) It's WWE's most unforgiving show of the year; and one that's apparently never read a fucking dictionary in its life because it's not even a real word: UNFORGIVEN! Featuring: A VICTORY for committed relationships! The end of racial intolerance as we know it! Divine intervention interceding to help a loyal disciple escape the clutches of a glorified rest-hold! Senior citizens involved in Gang Bangs! And actual NUDITY on PPV! (Dear God, it's not what you think.) You know, fun for the whole family! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

RECAPITATION: NO MERCY 2005! (10/09/05) From the people who brought you the Great American Bash, comes this season's most uninteresting and forgetful Pay-per-view: No Mercy! From BBQ'd wrestlers to BBQ'd cheeseburgers, to matches built entirely around disgusting bodily functions, there’s something for everyone! Unless you’re normal. In that case you just saved yourself forty dollars! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!


RECAPITATION: TABOO TUESDAY 2005. (11/01/05) A night dedicated to people who can't get laid! And just because it was the lowest drawing WWE Pay-per-view EVER last year, doesn't mean they shouldn't have tried it again! Oh wait, yes it does. Regardless, it was the return of a night where you finally had the power!...to choose from three choices they've picked!...two of which are horrible. But other than that, it's all up to you! YOU WERE THE PROMOTER! Featuring, one man definitely not Big Show or Kane joining Kurt Angle and John Cena in the main event, HHH battling Ric Flair in a SURPRISE "non-predetermined" match decided by YOU the fans (umm, don't let that huge pre-assembled cage hanging above the ring influence you!) ) and Batista steps in for Steve Austin who had to move a love seat, to wrestle a career worst match against Goldust, the Coach, and an extremely obese Vader, who just earlier had three choices of his own to make: Just what huge meal would he consume, pre-match? (it was a three-way tie!) All this, plus much more! Click
HERE to read the Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: 11/25/05: 2005 Quasi-Year End Blowout Edition Or Something Like That!: Featuring: Completely Random News: Not Really Year In Review! Plus, *ALL NEW* Material Including WWE Whore Zone, Vince Opens A Wendy's, And Chappelle's Show: WWE Style! All This Plus Much More! Click HERE To Read!


RECAPITATION: SURVIVOR SERIES 2005. (11/27/05) From the people who brought you the complete and utter destruction of Bret Hart's life comes Survivor Series! It's RAW Vs. SmackDown! Men Vs. Women and Children! And good sense versus the booking of a Teddy Long Vs. Eric Bischoff match! On this night, WWE puts that whole "brand extension" thing on hold for a night of interpromotional mayhem! But things go back to normal tomorrow, 'cause let's face it, you don't sell one hundred ppv's in one year with just one roster! *ahem*. Plus, the WWE title is on the line when The Marine John Cena battles Kurt Angle. It's Leathernecks vs. Broken Freakin' necks! Or something! Just how did Sean see Sur Ser 2005? Click
HERE to read the Recapitation!

RECAPITATION: ARMAGEDDON 2005. (12/18/05) It's Armageddon! Undertaker and Randy Orton go to Hell! Tim White goes to Heaven! The Mexicools stay in limbo! What more could you want? (a decent show, maybe?) All this, Plus much more! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

RECAPITATION: NEW YEAR'S REVOLUTION 2006. (01/08/06) Just how does a scumbag Adulterer become the top babyface in the company? This PPV answers that question and more! Well, except for the question of why Jerry Lawler is wrestling on PPV. There's no answers for that! It's New Year's Revolution!...over a week after New Years! But hey, 'Middle of January Revolution' don't sell pay-per-views, baby! Featuring Grandmothers sexually assaulting Divas! Mothers fighting their sons battles! And Son-in Laws smiting Giants! Plus, the crowd has taken a page from this show's name and revolted against John Cena! Did they find justice? Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

SATIRE: H 2.0: GUESS WHHHO's HHHHAVING A BABY! (01/18/06) A ridiculous look at the peaks and valleys of the Helmsley's first child. What's in store for Triple H and Steph over the next nine months; and how will HHH react when someone is yelling "push!" and it isn't directed at him? It's all here! From copulation to birth and beyond, I've clearly gone too far.  Click HERE to read!

RECAPITATION: ROYAL RUMBLE 2006. (01/29/06) It's the RUMBLUS 2006: Where It All Begins Again!? That's right. If you're a John Cena fan, this was definitely your night; but if you're not, you're probably still picking shards of TV glass out of your fist right now! Plus, Rey Mysterio proves really big things can happen to really little people, while Kurt Angle versus Mark Henry proves that bad matches can happen to great champions. All in all, you'll feel like hurling yourself over the ropes after this Rant! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

SATIRE: LIFE AFTER WRESTLING: JOBS AFTER DOING JOBS!: (02/11/06). Just what does a wrestler do when he doesn't wrestle anymore? Sean explores this and more in perhaps his most ridiculous Satire ever! From Lita being the perfect host! (for diseases?) to Jake Roberts DDTing mortality, Ric Flair putting his "Road Rage" to good use, and Goldberg "jack-hammering" for Jehovah, it's all here and more!  Click HERE to read!

SATIRE: WWE STRAIGHT TO DVD RELEASES! (03/15/06) In this satire, Sean looks at possible future movie vehicles for various WWE stars, and what may be on the horizon for WWE cough*XFL*cough Films. Click HERE to read!

RECAPITATION: WRESTLEMANIA 22 (04/02/06) It's Wrestlemania! The Grand Daddy of Them All! Featuring actual Grand Daddy's wrestling in High profile matches! It was a historic night, that saw one streak end, two streaks continue, no one streak in a Playboy match, and the need of selling merchandise supersede the demands of a bunch of angry dudes. Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

RECAPITATION: BACKLASH 2006 (04/30/06) It's Backlash! A night of Holy miracles and holy shit moments! A night where God took a powder, The King of Kings jobbed for your sins, and psychiatrists alike were baffled as to how we can hear the inner most thoughts of tormented seven foot demons! Just what did WWE have in store for us? Who walked out as Champions, and who just plain didn't walk out at all? Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

SATIRE: THE DREAM MATCH: SHAWN MICHAELS VS. JESUS!: (05/04/06) Just when you thought WWE couldn't sink any lower with the HBK/God storyline, Sean Carless chimes in with the MONEY match we REALLY want to see: "THE DREAM MATCH: Shawn Michaels Vs. Jesus!" Just how would the resilient HBK fare against the even more resilient King of Kings (the non-Lemmy bearded variety) in a thrilling catch as catch can (and not fish) tÍte - ŗ - tÍte? And what kind of offense could we expect out of the Savior? Sean breaks it all down and probably guarantees eternal damnation, all for you reading pleasure! Click HERE to read!

SATIRE: ECW GOES SCI-FI! (05/31/06) With the announcement that ECW is set to debut on the Sc-Fi channel, speculation abounded as to what Vince had in mind when he claimed that ECW would *appeal* to Sci-Fi fans. With that said, join Sean as he takes a ridiculous look at potential science-fiction inspired gimmicks for ECW stars and the possible new faces that will join the fold! Sabu leaps from the top rope and through time! RVD hunts down the future leader of the human resistance with potatoes! Tazz calls the action in a 6 inch tall plastic space suit! It's all here! No Trekkies were harmed in the making of this satire. Except one. But he was morbidly overweight anyway, so it was probably just natural causes. Click HERE to read!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  SUMMER OF SEAN! (06/09/06) Featuring: TWF True Hollywood Death Valley Story: Kane; Plus, RAW Thoughts, "Whatever Happened To", And Much More! This Column Is Brought To You By God, Jesus And MR. McMahon! Discretion Is Advised. Some Scenes Contain Stuff. Click HERE To Read! 

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: SEANDOWN!: (06/24/06) Smackdown the way it was meant to be seen! On a Friday night instead of getting laid! Good choice!. This week, Booker T. & Lashley continue to have as many matches as William Regal says "All hail King Booker!", the sovereign nation of Mexicool is divided in unruly cival war! And Mark Henry vows to win the World Heavyweight Championship, in hopes that the belt is really chocolate wrapped in foil! All this plus much more! Click HERE To Read!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: Total Nonstop Bullshit!   (07/21/06) Sean Carless's Ridiculous View Into TNA As Seen By...Sean Carless.(Who Else Would It Be?) Featuring: Complete TNA iMPACT! Recap, Blowing The Lid Off Of Terrorism In Orlando~!, And Reasons Why Jeff Jarrett Is... Awesome? All This Plus Much More! Click HERE To Read!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  (08/10/06) *Jam-Packed Edition*, Featuring Fall TV Preview 2006, Completely Random News: With WWEnzymes~!, Diva's Search Fallout, Patterson's Heart Go Banana, Hulk Hogan Jobs To A Counch, Vince Fights Science, And More! Plus, Undertaker Taken Under The Wing Of Mr. Miyagi, An *Exclusive* Behind The Scenes Look at John Cena's "The Marine", And Things I Learned From Watching WWE! All This, Plus Much More! Click HERE To Read!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  SEANDOWN 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO!: (08/26/06) This week, Sean's got all your Smackdown bases covered! Featuring, George Orwell's tale coming to life as the Animals are revolting! "Terkays", Buffalos, Pitbulls and umm, Batistas running amok!Or Walking Amok. Through pit of Dangers. Plus, emasculated broken men doing battle to determine who is more pathetic! Plus Bonus pics! Stupidity! Anything to take our minds of this show! Click HERE  to read!

RECAPITATION: UNFORGIVEN 2006 (09/17/06) It's the pay-per-view that just won't let bygones be bygones! It's Unforgiven. And Sean was there LIVE. Join us as Sean recounts his crazy day, the full show, plus provides a bonus satire! All this plus John Cena gives Toronto the big F.U.! A Canadian actually gets to leave this company with a World Title! Kane and Umaga believe in an eye for an eye and a thumb for a thumb! Plus we find out what happens when Scottish warriors from the middle ages battle cheerleaders! And HBK puts heaven on hold to go to Hell with HHH (who's going there anyway) to battle The McMahons, Big Show, and hands like skillets! They can cook EGGS and deliver punishment! All this plus so much more in this HUGE Rant just brimming with ridiculousness~! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

TWF SOUR 25! (11/13/06) Obviously spoofing WWE's "Power25", TWF Sour 25 ranks the Top 25 (Bottom 25?) wrestling offenders, blunderers, idiots or the just plain misfortunate of the week in classic TWF style. Just who clocked in at number one this particular week, and why? Click HERE to read!

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!: (11/20/06) With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views this year) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.). Click HERE to read Sean's ridiculous Shopzone spoof!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  RAW RECAPPING FOR DUMMIES: (11/30/06): It's a RAW Review more bare-bones than Nicole Ritchie. It's RAW Recapping For Dummies~! Featuring the Captain Trips Virus released, with 2 Casualties thus far, and more to come (Many more). Plus, the will of the people see a fledgling pudgy announcer chosen over a marquee inter-champion showdown. Holy shit. It's no wonder we've had to put up with George Bush for 8 years. All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read!

VIDEO SATIRE: WWE's 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS! (12/15/06) WWE took so much from us this year (mainly our money, but hey, what's rent and food compared to the hilarious boyish antics of DX~!), so it's only fair we take a look at what they actually GAVE us. In any event, this is TWF's first ever full video Satire, so Click here to watch as Sean butchers a Christmas classic, TWF-style. (and does it all ass-backwards in honor of the WWE.).  Click HERE to read! 

TWF SOUR 25! (12/29/06) Obviously spoofing WWE's "Power25", TWF Sour 25 ranks the Top 25 (Bottom 25?) wrestling offenders, blunderers, idiots or the just plain misfortunate of the week in classic TWF style. Just who clocked in at number one this particular week, and why? Click HERE to read!

SATIRE: WWE ACQUIRES THE HISTORY CHANNEL: (01/19/07) For years, people have asked, "What would happen if Vince McMahon could dictate recorded world history?" OK, no one ever said that. But it doesn't mean that we can't pretend, right? Join Sean Carless as he looks at how Vince McMahon would spin history if it were indeed for sale. From Bryan Clarke ending World conflicts to Triple H conquering most of Europe with thunderous pedigrees, to Divas being burned at the stake, Sean has all your bases covered and then some.  Click HERE to read!

RECAPITATION: ROYAL RUMBLE 2007 (01/28/07) It's the Royal Rumble! The 2nd most important pay-per-view of the year's scheduled 3000! And Sean has all your results and buffoonery. Kelly Kelly handles your balls! Test puts the 'Extreme' back in extremely shitty finish! Another Kennedy is killed in Texas! The Bulldozer runs out of gas! Batista's still on the gas! And The Rumble goes to one of the most popular deadman in Texas! (Not the Von Erichs). All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: (01/29/07): Insane Stream Of Consciousness Buffoonery Is Back..For One Day Anyway! Featuring: Kurt Angle's Plunge Into Madness, Kenny Dykstra Turns Lesbian, Undertaker's Secret Days As A Member Of The Riverdale Gang, Fan Laws, FanGirls, Abyss Has Got A Gun, Motivational Posters For New ECW, And A Special In-Column Satire: WWE's Oscar Season Movies! All This, Plus Much More~! Click HERE To Read!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  EXTREMELY DRUNK WRESTLING~!: (02/08/07:) Full *uncensored* insane drunken ramblings on EC-Dub!... and a heartfelt goodbye to Anna Nicole Smith. Ok, maybe not that heartfelt. Something gets felt, though. I promise.  Click HERE to read!   

RECAPITATION: NO WAY OUT 2007 (02/18/07) It's No Way Out! The last-big money grab before the Grand Daddy Of Them All! On this night, The Road To Wrestlemania began, but there were several casualties along the way, and one trip to a known homosexual rest-stop! Ok, there wasn't, but I just wanted to use that segue. In any event, it was a night where Animals betrayed their Masters! An Asian redneck and a Mexican worked in unison to stop the 13 month rampage of a Hurricane! London & Kendrick channeled AJAX and cut through Grease! And Bobby Lashley provided your fill of Extreme!... if the 'Extreme' you were after was disappointment! All this, plus more! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!

VAULT RECAPITATION: WRESTLEMANIA 1 (02/25/07) We’re on the Road to Wrestlemania, but first, Sean once again takes an off road piss break as he journeys back some 20+ years to where it all began: WRESTLEMANIA 1! It's 1985, and long before Vince had visions of paying useless strippers 250 K for sitting in pies, or nearly bankrupting the company with bush-league football, he had a dream: WRESTLEMANIA! An event SO huge, it could only be carried on Hulk Hogan’s Barn Door Back, Bruther.  Click HERE to read!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  BREAKING NEWZ~! (03/03/07) Hulk Hogan attends the funeral of Anna Nicole Smith!...but why was he REALLY there? (bruther). Join paragon of journalistic integrity Sean Carless as he blows the lid off this story with SHOCKING INFORMATION that you will not believe! (And if you do, dear god, man.) Click HERE for this breaking story!

TWF SOUR 25! (03/21/07) Obviously spoofing WWE's "Power25", TWF Sour 25 ranks the Top 25 (Bottom 25?) wrestling offenders, blunderers, idiots or the just plain misfortunate of the week in classic TWF style. Just who clocked in at number one this particular week, and why? Click HERE to read!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  BREAKING NEWZ~! (03/25/07) TNA's Abyss goes on a savage killing spree at the behest of his mother! 2/3rds of the TNA locker room murdered! Join paragon of journalistic integrity Sean Carless as he blows the lid off this story with SHOCKING INFORMATION that you will not believe! Because it's all made up! But, hey, whatever! Click HERE for this breaking story!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  SPOTLIGHT: GIMMICK TABLE HIJACKED! (03/30/07) Just in case you missed Sean Carless' Guest appearance at Wrestlecrap last week, here's an archived look at his one-time-only fill-in GIMMICK TABLE. Featuring WWE International! A ridiculous look at WWE's possible global expansion. Where else can you see WWE trying to book events in the former communist Soviet Union? (and Of Course Not realizing It's No Longer Communist. USA! USA! USA!). Click HERE to check it out!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  BREAKING NEWZ~! (04/01/07) As you get ready for Wrestlemania, paragon of journalistic integrity Sean Carless blows the lid off last night's SUPER-SECRET WWE HALL OF FAME INDUCTIONS that you had to not see to not believe! Savage! Steamboat! Warrior! All were secretly honored! Click HERE for this breaking story!

RECAPITATION: BACKLASH 2007 (04/30/07) It's Backlash, the pay-per-view that leaves a bad taste in God's mouth! A night where the WWE Championship is contested by six-degrees of Marines! A Fake Marine! A Disgraced Marine! A guy who got his ass kicked by nine at once! And a guy... who lived a few miles from Marineland? Close enough. Plus, Bobby Lashley is no longer the (child-like) face of ECW! Undertaker and Batista wrestle to a dead (HIYO) heat! Cade & Murdoch generate no heat! Sean has all your bases covered and more in one of the biggest most jam-packed Rants EVER! Click HERE to read Sean's full insane Recapitation!

RECAPITATION: ONE NIGHT STAND 2007 (06/03/07) After two memorable consecutive One Night Stands, WWE delivers the kind you blame fully on alcohol and never ever admit to enjoying! It's One Night Stand 2007! And Dr. Vince has surgically removed 95% of ECW in favor of Great Khali & Mark Henry! EC-DUBle cross! On this night, John Cena makes Great Khali his own personal Pun-jobber! Edge enters an Animal cage and lives to tell the tale! Dominatrix Bobby Lashley enters into a S&M relationship with Vince McMahon! (well, maybe just the S part) and women wrestle in EXTREME pudding! What more could you want? ECW? No soup for you. All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read Sean's full insane Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK:  BREAKING NEWZ~! (06/12/07) If you saw RAW, you'll know that Vince was whacked! Join Sean Carless as he blows the lid off of the ALTERNATE ENDING for Vince's apparent DEATH, not-at-all stolen from another controversial Television moment, that didn't happen on Sunday night. Not even. Click HERE for this breaking story!

TWF SOUR 25! (07/12/07) Obviously spoofing WWE's "Power25", TWF Sour 25 ranks the Top 25 (Bottom 25?) wrestling offenders, blunderers, idiots or the just plain misfortunate of the week in classic TWF style. Just who clocked in at number one this particular week, and why? Click HERE to read!

WWE.COM PARODY: LIVE FROM THE PUNJAB! (07/25/07) If one thing is abundantly clear, it's that WWE.com has some of the best writers never, hence the following parody of a WWE.com article on The Great Khali. While it was already horribly subtly racist, I decided "why be even that subtle?" and replaced several key words in the piece to make it even worse. This was the result. Click HERE to read!

WWE.COM PARODY: LINDA MCMAHON GOES BERSERK! (08/10/07) Sean Carless returns with BREAKING NEWZ out of Stamford! Linda McMahon has gone HAYWIRE and murdered several WWE superstars! Click HERE for all the details on this incredibly fake and untrue story!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: BREAKING NEWZ~!: (08/13/07) Completely true and not tasteless and insensitive breaking news into the *shocking* sudden death of Brian "Crush" Adams! Just which shocking parties were possibly involved? And how did his partnership in "Kronik" possibly lead to his death? (IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK). Click HERE  for all the latest details!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: THIS JUST IN!~!: (08/17/07) Hulk Hogan's house Robbed! (seriously). Culprit revealed! (not seriously). Click HERE for all the latest details, Bruther! 

SATIRE: TWF HELL (08/30/07) Where stupid and completely tasteless ideas go when they die! Join Sean as he takes you through some previous discarded ideas for satires and parodies that often bring new meaning to the term "inappropriate". But be warned, most content contained within is Not Work Safe so enter at your own discretion! (Page also contains many .gif animations, so dial-up beware!). Click HERE to go to Hell!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: RUSSOLAND REVISITED. (09/14/07) Join Sean as he tackles Russoland for the first time in over a year in search of the elusive legends known as "Common Sense" and "Continuity". Then marvel as he slips dangerously into an alcohol induced coma as a result. (seriously.). Click HERE to read Sean's full insane Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: BREAKING NEWZ~!: SUPER SECRET WRESTLEMANIA 24 DREAMCARD LEAKED! (09/21/07) Join Professional Truth-Teller Sean Carless as he reveals the huge Wrestlemania card Vince McMahon doesn't want you to know about! Mostly because it's a lie! Ahem. Click HERE for all the latest details!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: RAW RECAPPING FOR DUMMIES~! (10/02/07). Sean Carless returns this week with a special look at RAW from his deranged perspective with a full dose of unbridled ridiculousness! Triple H does a job to the guy who passes him the salt every Sunday night at dinner! Cody Rhodes is fed to the Rookie Monster! And Randy Orton finds Super Cena's Kryptonite! All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read Sean's insane RAW ramblings!

RECAPITATION: NO MERCY 2007! (10/07/07) On the account of no visible PPV Rant coming in that month, Sean Carless pulled himself from his stupor to pull us through with a No Mercy Halfcapitation or, "HOW I GOT REALLY DRUNK AND LEARNED TO TOLERATE A TRIPLE H EGO FUCK". It was the greatest night in the history of the sport!... so long as your last name was umm, Hearst-Helmsley? That's right, in one night, Triple H made up for missing the previous 8 months by pinning everyone and everything in his path! Plus The dreaded Punjabi Prison returned! You know, India's high security Roofless Prison system? All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read Sean's Recapitation Halfcapitation!

TWF SOUR 25! (10/12/07) Obviously spoofing WWE's "Power25", TWF Sour 25 ranks the Top 25 (Bottom 25?) wrestling offenders, blunderers, idiots or the just plain misfortunate of the week in classic TWF style. Just who clocked in at number one this particular week, and why? Click HERE to read!

RECAPITATION: CYBER SUNDAY 2007 (10/28/07) It's Cyber Sunday! The PPV that only sounds like a late night online encounter with an alleged woman. But at least, during that, there's a chance you might actually get what you want. Ahem. On this night, we, the FANS had our voices heard! Unless that voice was saying "We want Jericho". They didn't hear that. Oh well. But what we did get was HBK shaking off 3000 chinlocks to win his match against Randy Orton...by disqualification. Because let's face it, clean finishes on paid shows are silly. Triple H took it to the streets... in his underwear! And an Animal survived its trip to the Pet Cemetery! Sean has all your coverage and insane observations as only a night of copious alcoholic self-abuse can provide! Click HERE to read Sean's full insane Recapitation!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: THIS JUST IN: SAVE_US_BKR.T?: (11/09/07) Following WWE's SaveUs_222 , TNA has started their own viral marketing campaign. But just who is it that's coming to TNA, Sucka? It's a real heads-cratcher, if you can dig that. Join Sean Carless as he attempts to umm, solve this mystery and uncover the identity, uncover the identity, uncover the identity, uncover the identity, uncover the identity and uncover the identity of TNA's newest signee. Click HERE   to read. No neckbones were on in the making of this expose.

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: (12/08/07): Obscenely Huge Year-End 2007 Edition! Featuring: The Death Of Superman, The Death Of A Guy Who Never Existed! People We Wish Never Existed! The Rise And Fall And Fall And Fall And Fall of ECW! The Return Of Conan The Midcard Destroyer! The Plight Of Made In The ICU Lex Luger! Y2J saves Us From Everything But North Carolina Apathy! Vince McMahon Blows Up, Stitches Himself Back Together, Then Apparently Puts Wile E. Coyote In Charge Of Creative! All This, Plus Bonus Items For the Xmas Season, And Mick Foley Starring In: "I AM HARDCORE LEGEND". Click HERE To Read!

SATIRE: THE NIGHT BEFORE CHHHRISTMAS!: (12/24/07) A Special Christmas Gift on Christmas Eve, From Me To You, To HHH to the 4 tag teams pinned under his heaving body. Click HERE To Read!

BACK-LEG FRONTKICK: SPECIAL FEATURE: PYRO & BALLYHOO~!: A Proper Gentleman's Guide To TN Of A. (01/10/08) By now, most of us are familiar with the TNA Impact script leaked onto the internet, and the subsequent hilarious coining in said script of the expression "PYRO & BALLYHOO". Join guest TNA Recapper, Rupert Cuthbertson-Smythe, who much like the expression ballyhoo, comes to us straight from the 1800's, for his very special one-time only recap of last Thursday's Impact! Click HERE to read TNA Ye Olde English-style~!
 
BACK-LEG FRONTKICK REVIEW: ECW: WITH ENOUGH VELOCITY, YOU CAN CREATE HEAT. (01/16/08) Join Sean Carless as he ventures to the Land of the extreme. Which extreme? Take your pick: Boredom? Apathy? Both? Maybe. Plus, the first ever meeting of CM Punk vs. Chavo Guerrero!...this week. Plus, the potential racial powder-keg in a Armando/Heyman confrontation, And a plea to Fans of new ECW! Both of you! Click HERE to read!
 
VAULT RECAPITATION: BLACK SATURDAY! (01/28/08) Join Sean as he looks back to July 14, 1984 and the *first-time* Vince McMahon and his horrible houndstooth jacket invaded World Championship Wrestling! Are you ready for some kick ass action and incredible wrestling? Well, you better try elsewhere, bub, unless you're really into ten minute bear-hugs!  All this, plus much more bear-hugs! Click HERE to read Sean's review~!

RECAPITATION: ROYAL RUMBLE 2008 (01/29/08) Join Sean Carless for another half-capitated spectacle of stupidity! Superman Returns! Jeff Hardy is pinned by a Glass Ceiling! Chris Jericho puts JBL in bondage, and somewhere Billy Silverman is smiling! You know, before remembering he's still unemployed. Plus, Roddy Piper and Jimmy Snuka carry on their feud into the new millennium! No coconuts were harmed, but a bowl of prunes may have been consumed! All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read Sean's moronic rambling on all things RUMBLE.

WWE.COM PARODY: WWE CELEBRATES BLACK HISTORY MONTH!: (02/02/08) The following section on WWE.com was just created. And well, Wow. So with WWE obviously not seeing that a few of these stereotyped characters aren't exactly something that should be celebrated, I just had to parody it, right? RIGHT? (This is the part where you agree with me). Click HERE to read!

VIDEO SATIRE: THE HAUNTING 2: OWEN A LIVING! (02/09/08) News outlets have picked up the story that OWEN HART is apparently haunting Kemper Arena, so I just *had* to hammer bad taste home and create a truly absurd parody, right? Right? (This is the part where you agree with me.). The following is a VIDEO PARODY, but reads like a standard TWF satire. It's done so in video format to allow for the truly huge animation files contained within, and for music. Click HERE to watch/read~!
 
HHH: THE FINAL VERDICT: (02/18/08) On a bet, I made a decree to never again make light of Triple H in ANY capacity, provided that WWE somehow, someway ultimately kept him out of Wrestlemania's Main Event for just ONE YEAR. I then vowed to "retire" in the event I slipped up. And really Retire. No Piper retire. Or Foley retire. Or Terry Funk retire. Or hell, any fucking Wrestling retirement. But it was all moot, because we now all know-uh how-uh that-uh turned-uh out-uh. This was my stupid VIDEO response. Click HERE for more!
 
"WWE TAGLINE POLL" (02/21/08) That's right, I've added several new submissions of my own to our parody of WWE's actual (really terrible) tagline survey, in addition to adding my *personal favorite* reader submissions, as well. Click HERE to see and contribute to the "poll"!
 
VAULT RECAPITATION: WRESTLEMANIA 2! (03/14/08) We're on to the Road To Wrestlemania, so why not take a quick roadside piss break and jouney back to Wrestlemania 2! A card so terrible, it had to forced on three separate cities just to lessen the blow! And a night, where if the family of the dude in Nick Hogan's car has their way again, sees HULK HOGAN BEHIND BARS. All this, plus much more! Click HERE to read the Recapitation!
 
SATIRE: IT'S A HARDY KNOCK LIFE FOR ME. (03/16/08) Poor Jeff Hardy's home burned to the ground. The smell of some 300 mesh shirts was said to permeate the air. But what happened? How did the blaze start? I may have found some answers. Or made tasteless jokes. Or both! Click HERE to read and watch!

 

© Copyright 2008 -Sean Carless. All Rights Reserved.
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