2005 WRITER OF THE YEAR
This year, we decided to change things
up somewhat and present two Writer of the Year Awards. The first of which was voted upon by YOU, the readers of The Wrestling
Fan.com; and the second being a very special Award voted upon by the WRITERS themselves, then presented to that individual
who best personified TWF (Choice had to be someone who has written a column during the 2005 calendar year) and
who has set a standard of consistent quality through out the Calendar year. Here we go!
Winner: Sean Carless: 29.5% of the Vote.
1st Runner Up: Canadian Bacon(?!): 22.7% of
2nd Runner Up: Harry Simon: 15.9% of the
3rd Runner Up: James
Walker 12.1% of the Vote.
Others: 19.8% of the Vote.
Total Votes counted: 13102
Hey! Look who rigged the voting again this year! All kidding aside, I'd like to thank
those of you who voted for me again this year...despite me insisting that you don't. I'd also like to thank my Mom for having
the patience to vote some 3000 times to make sure my little feelings weren't hurt.
With that said, it's cool to know your hard work goes appreciated, even when you cut
you work load in half with a convoluted plan to hire as many writers as possible to lighten your load... if only to actually
go outside more, and I don't know, make love to a flesh and blood woman. Or something like that. Anyway, I'll treasure this
non-existent trophy always and cherish it on my pretend mantle with all the other fake trophies I don't have.
Now, with that said, I'd like to take my hat off to my wonderful staff and Canadian
Bacon for their hard work, and great effort, and for remembering that I like to have my balls played with before copulation.
This has been a year of extraordinary growth for us as a website, and I owe it all to me. But you've been good too. Sometimes.
Whether it be Cameron Burge who has never once complained about penning what has turned into the Best Damn RAW Rant period (Hey! That's also what it's called! Neat!); to Dr. Gonzo for churning out SmackDown recaps despite the fact that reviewing that show these days is like volunteering for the gas chamber; to James Walker, who immediately grasped what it is we do here from the first column he wrote; to everyone
else who has struggled and improved to find the awesome niche they
And finally, I'd like to thank my good friend Harry Simon, who produced
the single most popular and greatest single "columnary" (Is that a word?) effort ever, with the "50 Dumbest Real-Life Wrestler Moments EVER"....and all despite the fact that he's become disenchanted with the sport. Kudos to you brother, man. Kudos to Harry also for
continuously sending me links to varying huge breasted Oriental porn sites that are worth the viruses if only for the fact
that they prevent me from getting them in real life, if you know what I mean.....
Anyhoo, Here's to 2006. A Year that I'm sad to say doesn't resemble anything like
the "2006" from the Transformers cartoon of my youth. And I so wanted an exoskeleton suit that could transform my ravaged,
crippled body into any quasi-vehicle of my choice. Oh, well. Maybe next year.
Hey, but there's more. Look what people had to say about me!
James Walker: There's no use in Sean Carless acting humble,
but the guy still tries. Sean deserves every non-existent atom of this award; even from what the average reader sees, Sean
is a damn fine specimen of man with his PPV rants and the occasional BLFK (which will always be my favourite column on the net). However, after working for the guy this year, I've appreciated the
guy so much more; all the photoshops, html formatting, website layout, staff management, forums, and a slew of other things
that are never recognized are part of his daily duties. However, the amazing part in all of this, is that he manages to be
one hell of a cool guy. I really have a hard time describing him to you all, but basically, take Ron Burgandy, Die-Hard Bruce
Willis, and Russel Crowe in A Beautiful Mind (minus all the 'crazy' stuff), and you've got an idea of how awesome his hair
is. I cannot even begin to think of all the late night conversations we've had, as he tediously conforms the site to firefox
standards that he hates so much, with us being able to jump from WWE-Wendy's parallisms to deep conversations about the applications
of religion, all while probably receiving oral pleasure from a slew of large breasted women. If I had to sum up Sean Carless
in one word, it would be "One-really-fucking-cool-cat-bruther." It was pointed out last year, but Sean really IS the
Paul Heyman of the IWC, except he's a hell of a lot handsomer.
But seriously, Sean, you're one hell of a writer. And
even though it seems impossible, you're an even better person.
Justin Shapiro: I’m sorry, but I refuse to accept
your insistence to not vote for you.
Richard Waters: This is gonna sound like ass kissing, but
Carless is the man. Not only does he put up with this crap... but he makes with the funny. Hell the questions sent to each
writer is probably 10x as funny as the Fannys. Happy New Year dude!
Gonzo: Is there anyone else? He keeps the site running consistently no matter his mood. He is a phenomenal writer and
consistently hilarious. Hands down the best columnist on the net (Harry gets a VERY close second) and personifies this website
like no other. P.S. He promised me “the best ‘Tenay’ I’ve ever gotten” if I wrote this about
Canadian Bacon: I HATE YOU SEAN CARLESS!!!!!!1111 YOU STOLE MY LIFE.
-STAFF POLL RESULTS-
Winner: James Walker: 41.6% of the Staff Vote.
Votes counted: 12
Creative genius. Prodigy. Gentle Lover. These are but a few terms thrown about when talking
about James Walker and his White Van that is optomistically filled with candy...and not wanton sexual abuse as the sterotype would suggest.
up for the concept of this Award, we as a site when wondering about a possible winner, almost unanimously stated: JAMES WALKER.
And he hasn't even completed his first year writing for us! The road that James took to get to TWF came by way of our Forums. I read several of his posts, and couldn't stop laughing at some of the observations he would make. And being that I'm easier
than Paris Hilton, I immediately offered him a slot. And the best part was that he IMMEDIATELY grasped what direction we as
a site were going in (several other Staff members were not so lucky) and not only wrote consistently hilarious pieces, but
also produced entirely unique concepts not seen anywhere else on the Net. To use the term "Most Improved" would have to imply
that someone even needed improvement to start with. Which was not ever the case with James. James Walker is one of the most
creative minds writing in this genre today, and I'm just glad he's on our side! Yes, friends, if full blown IWC war ever breaks
out, I'm proud to say that I will be hiding behind my good friend, James Walker and using him as as a human shield. He's that
good. Or something like that.
But wait! There's more!!!!! Here's what others have to say about James!
Witzdude: This man has one of the most creative minds I have ever had the privilege to know, and has
made me laugh myself sick with every column he writes. He can write musicals, plays, and even internet AIM banter.
This guy is far and away the Writer of the Year, and if that White Van comes to my neighborhood, I’ll definitely get
in (that doesn’t sound gay, does it?).
Renee: I choose James Walker as writer
of the year. Awesome doesn’t begin to describe his writing mind!
I'll never forgive you Jimmy Walker. You were delightful on Good Times but yous selfishly took my second chance at the vindication.
I hope your white van gets a flat tire and Canadian Tire is all outta snow tires and you'll have to walk through the snow.
Maybe then you'll learn your lesson! (Vote Bacon in 2006)
With that said, See You Next Year every one!
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