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TNA 
VICTORY ROAD 2008
(07/13/08)
 
Neil Cathan and his splitting headache here to bring you TNA: Generic Pay Per View #1792: Victory Road. This should be an interesting one, as I've got a headache before headache-inducing Russo booking. So since it normally gives healthy, happy Neil headaches and sadness, I'm expecting to develop a migrane, followed by a concussion, followed by brain tumours as my condition worsens.

Hype video. Compares Apollo mission to the TNA Pay per View. Houston, we have a problem. Russo's still in charge. No worse problem.

We open with a promo by B.G. James, hyping the show.
World X Cup standing has Mexico and TNA with 3 points, while Japan and International have 2 apiece.

Each of the teams have 3 members in the match, and it'll be fought as an elimination match. Winning team earns 3 points, runner up 2 and 2nd runner up 1.

Wreslters are called too fast for me to really spot, and their names never pop up on screen. Curryman and the Machineguns are team TNA, and Doug Williams is on team interntional.

Curryman and Masato Yoshino kick us off, literally for Yoshino, who plants his feet firmly in Curryman. Sabin takes Yoshino to a corner, but Tyson Duke (International) and Williams doubleteam Sabin. Team Mexico clean house on the pair from international. Ultimo Guerrero dives to Williams on outside, and Duke is pinned quickly, Puma slingshots into the ring on one of the Mexicans. Alberto owns Milano Collection AT and Puma from Japan, before double-underhook facebustering Puma for three. Brutal kick from Milano gets two. Sabin goes for a missile dropkick, but Milano matrix dodges under it. Insane. Back and forth between the two, before an agent takes the form of Sabin, who futureshocks AT for a three. While I wrote that convulted and dated reference, a whole bunch of wrestling happened. When I look up, a tilt a whirl octopus hold is slapped on Shelley, which looked stunning. Alberto in, and tilt a whirl faceplants Yoshino for two. Insanely fast back and forth, and Yoshino rolls Alberto up. Generi-Russian Cossack kicks Curryman. CHAOS THEORY! Williams plants Shelley with it beautifully. Williams with strong strikes on Curryman. Each of them get a plancha from a Mexican for their trouble. Super-Hurricarana is transferred into a super bomb, scoring a pin on Curryman. Twisitng Senton on Williams who's on Ultimo Guerrero's knees pins Williams. Good PPV debut match from Williams, making his first PPV appearance ever. Texan fans chant “Mexico” in a frankly bizzare moment. Russian guy makes Ultimo Guerrero tap, which is a shame, because I don't know the other Mexican's name. I'm also bored of typing Russian guy. He's Stalin from now on. Double kick eliminates that other mexican guy, removing the name problem, as he's out of it now. Mexico are done, and have earned no points. Super Jawbreaker on Yoshino, who kicks. Fans chanting “This is awesome!” Stalin tries to flying (o)press Sabin, who kicks him in the gut. Stalin uses the ropes to eliminate Sabin. Stalin dives onto Shelley, before failing to pin Shelley and Yoshino equally. Yoshino moving a stupendous speed, and taps Stalin with a beautiful submission. Team international score one extra point. Shelley and Yoshino are the last two in. hectic series of moves, which Yoshino wins, scores a missile dropkick, which gets two. Shelley returns with chops and shurinai, which only gets two. Frogsplash meets Yoshino's knees. Dragonsuplex gets two. Fans really hot for this match. Shelley places Yoshino on top and plants him with a superkick. Neckbreaker on Shelley from the top gets two. Shelley hits his finisher to eventually take the iwn from Yoshino. Team Japan earn two more points, while TNA earn another 3.

Winners: Team TNA.

Cribs: The TNA edition shows us Booker T's house. He doesn't have the TNA essential house decoration of Abyss beating the home owner up with a water bottle. Shame really.

Kim and Angelina Love cut promos hyping their match.

Angelina Love vs Gail Kim

Velvet Skye accompanies Love to the ring, and I get distracted by their entrance.. Also by how they get into the ring. Your heroine and mine, Gail Kim makes her way to the ring and is taken out from behind by Love. What I wouldn't do to take Kim from behind with Love. Uh, I mean take out Kim from behind. Story of this match is that Love can't outwrestle Gail Kim (Who can?) and relies on distractions from Velvet in order to get an advantage. Kim uses the ring post to figure four Angleina Love. That was awesome. Kim fights Skye off briefly, but we're back to the same old story after that hope spot. Gail Kim eventually hits Jericho's finisher in order to win the match. In a totally unexpected moment, the loser's hench-person jumps the winner. Kim is able to escape the two on one beating.

Winner: Gail Kim

B.G.James teaches Texans to beat the hell out of Beer Money. I bet most of the training was just teaching them to supress their natural instincts and not lynch L.A.X.

Hype video for our next match which is...

“Black Machismo” Jay Lethal vs Sonjay Dutt

Machismo enters with Val, who gets a love letter and a card from Dutt. Lethal clearly feels Dutt needs a gift too, and gives him a dive to the outside. Dutt gets the upper hand eventually and gives a really disturbing look to Val. Release back-to-belly lets Lethal get back into the match. Top rope leg lariat gets two. Tope rope rana, followed by a moonsault near enough half way across the ring by Dutt. Faceplant on Dutt. And yeah, I'm missing transition moves. I have a headache. That lets me be lazy about the matches. Lethal beatin Dutt up on outside, who screams “Val, help me!” Nice psychology, as this pushes Lethal over the edge, and he violently assaults Dutt. Val is disturbed by the violence, and Lethal checks on what's wrong with Val. Dutt uses this to jump Lethal. Dutt is distracted by telling Val he loves her. Lethal scores the Lethal combination, but shows no interest in pinning Dutt. Val can't handle the violence anymore, and makes to leave. Lethal stares at her leaving, and rolls Lethal up for three.

Winner: Jay Lethal, and stalkers everywhere

Dutt kisses Val's hand as he leaves, leaving both Lethal and Val looking shocked in the ring.

Booker's training school footage.

Mega heel promo by Beer Money. Jacqueline won't go to the ring with them, as fans with whips scare her.

Fan's Revenge Tag Title match: L.A.X. Vs Beer Money.

“Fans” (By which we mean “Plants”) are all wearing L.A.X shirts. Roode and Homicide start us off. Roode is sent out, and gets beaten by strap wielding fans. Storm throws Homicide out, who the fans don't attack. Homicide drinks some of Storm's beer, leading Storm out, who gets attacked by the fans. After a little back and forth, Homicide traps Storm in the apron, while fans whip him. Three Amigos for an “Eddie” chant. And we already get to Homicide as a terrifying Rick Morton for Hernandez's terrifying Robert Gibson. Eventually Hernadez gets the tag and is a a house en fuego. Roode kicks out of a sit out from Hernandez. Splash from top on Roode is broken up by Storm, who gets a tornado DDT. Storm sent out, gets whipped, Doomsday Cutter gives L.A.X the win.

Winners: L.A.X

Hype video for Awesome Kog vs Taylor Wilde. Speaking of...

Awesome Kong vs Taylor Wilde
Kong throws and beats Wilde all around the ring, demolishing her. Then we get rest holds, and more rest holds. Days seem to pass, and Wilde is still in a rest hold. This match is slow on a Hogan/Piper level. Which is weird, as Kong's a great worker who can really go. Taylor gets only real offense with a top rope drop kick. Taylor has avoided the Bomb and the Backfist. Roll-up gives Taylor the win. Raisha Saed brings Taylor into the ring, and the heels beat on her.

Winner: Taylor Wilde

Abyss makes the save. Abyss vs Awesome Kong. That's a match I'd pay to see. Raisha convinces Kong to leave, Raisha gets in his face, slaps him, and Abyss Black Hole Slams her, before picking an unconscious Taylor backstage, presumably to take advantage of her (What? He's a Kane rip-off. And if they'll do dead chicks, they'll do unconscious chicks.)

Booker T at his restaurant, instructing employees to water down the beer.

Hype video for Ultimate X. Winner's team earns 4 points.

We are reminded of the World X standings: Team TNA has 6 points, Japan has 4, while International and Mexico bring up the rear with 3 points. Winner of this wins it for their team. Making all the previous matches pointless, I guess.

Ultimate X match: Naruki Doi (Japan) vs Volador Jr. (Mexico) vs Daivari (International) vs Kaz (TNA)

Brawly brawl brawl. Some more brawling, and then the guys brawl some more. Just gonna cal the big spots. And not just because I'm in pain and they're going stupidly fast. No, it's also because I'm too lazy to do anything else. Volador gets close to the X, and ranas Doi. Heard a lot of good things about Doi, and this is my first time seeing him work. So far I've seen him bump. Evil foreigners team up to work Kaz's arm. Kaz uses his power of American to fight them off. Kaz then sucks beyond belief at climbing, falling as soon as his arm is on the rope. Announcers shill the voting for the 6 man tag stipulation online vote, presumably admitting that fans buying this show on PPV are gonna want to find something else to do while they watch. Doi bumps from top of post. Doi ties Kaz in the ropes and lays in the strikes. Kaz takes Doi and Volador off the cable, but is taken off by Daivari, who then gets powerbombed from the cable. As I was writing that, what looked from the corner of my eye like the only interesting part of the match goes by. Moonsault by Volador Jr. onto Doi on the outside. Kaz and Daivari climb tot the top of a pillar, and Daivari gets the better of Kaz, who leg drops Daivari off the cable. Insane spot. Volador Jr. gets the X.

Winner: Volador Jr.

Team Mexico take the win. Considering the wrestlers, this should have been good, but it felt awkward.

Booker T takes us to his golf course, where he relates being good at golf to how easy beating Joe will be.

Tenay claims that Frank Trigg has a 1000 titles. Lists four and runs out. Awkward silence. Hype video, because it's not like we already bought this show. Fans voted for Full Metal Mayhem as our stipulation.

Kurt Angle and Team 3D vs AJ Styles and Caged Rhino

Heels clear the ring as Rhino rushes it. Enter Cage, joining him in the ring. Angle ambushes Styles as he makes his entrance, but Styles takes him out. Brawl all over. Styles flips onto D-Von and Angle. Brawl some more. Assume that's the basic stance between spots I call. Caged Rhino take 3D out. Kurt chair shots both members of the team, and belly to bellies Cage onto a ladder. Styles springboard forearm smashes Ray, with jumping onto the ladder between the ropes and Bubba. Cage uses the pillar from Ultimate X, and splashes onto all the heels in the ring, where they had been beating Styles up.Bubba is cut in half with a Gore! Gore! Gore! That's one gore for each of the heels and they're down. Trigg puts Rhino over, mentioning how he's one of the few guys who can beat Angle. Not actually a match they've ever done. I reckon it could be a big money match. But don't let Russo know that: he'll give them 3 minutes on iMPACT if he thinks the match could make money on Pay Per View. Cage clotheslines both members of 3D. Unprettier turned into Angle Slam attempt, into Unprettier, into Angle lock, into roll up. Gets two. Cage goes up, and when will they learn: Angle is always just playing Possum. Belly to belly. 3D give Christian a 3D through a table. Styles able to briefly fight all the heels off. Bubba actually hits a nice superkick. Styles put on the table, but is instead facebustered through a table. Seen that move a lot today. D-Von goes through a table. Angle is hit with the Clash, but kicks. Devine with a kendo stick. Gets pele'd, who gets the kendo stick, and wails on Devine. Angle hits the slam on Styles for two. Ref bump. For some reason, Cage and Rhino are still out of the match. Styles puts Angle on a table, and climbs a ladder next to it to splash onto Angle. Trigg canes Styles, allowing Angle to Angle Slam Styles off a ladder through a table.

Winners: Angle/3D

Joe cuts a good promo. Nash talks to him, ad says he has his back. Joe believes him, but wants Nash to wait backstage, as he needs to beat Booker on his own.
Hype video, putting over that Joe's been enraged since Nash told him he couldn't beat Booker.

Overdramatic spiel for Booker T! Yes! I have no idea why I love the spiels so much. Booker gets a big pop from hometown crowd. Joe gets a spiel all his own.

Samoa Joe vs. Booker T For TNA World Title

Fans are behind hometown hero, with a smaller contingent for Joe, but still a decent amount of support. For the first time everm Joe looks unsure of himself.

Fans chant strongly for Booker. Joe playing up to the fan's response,before the two start striking. Joe gets the upper hand, sending Booker into the corner, splashing him and hitting a jumping kick. Joe ducks a Booker kick and lands a leg lariat. Booker and Joe go outside. Booker has advantage, sends Joe into the steps and Joe is bleeding really hard. Booker uses fist to open the cut up, making it look better. Side kick gets two. Clothesline gets two. Joe recovers, but just for a short while. Joe kicks out of the Axe Kick, and Booker starts lighting Joe up with chops. Side kick, and Joe kicks. Joe starts to get some chants. Running leg lariat.joe rests in corner, and fighs Booker off. Top rope kick gets two. Powerslam, two. Joe sells the blade, which is pretty brutal. Booker tries for the Book End, but gets hit with a T-Bone instead. Only gets two on Booker. REF BUMP. I call shenanigans. Lariat on Booker, and Booker goes down hard. Sends Booker to the outside, chops him against the barrier, sits him on a chair against the guard rail, and ole kicks him against the rail. Booker is posted , Sharmell begs him to stop rom front row seat. Sharmell slaps Joe, and her bodyguards step in. Joe knocks them all out. Joe beating the hell out of a bleeding Booker in the ring. Joe loses it, as the announcers put over that he's proving he can beat Booker. Refs get in the way, but Joe throws them all out and takes them apart. Joe leaning across the ropes, Booker rallies, but runs into a uranage. Sharmell enters ring, begging Joe to stop. Joe slaps the clutch on Booker, who's limp. Enter the Stinger. Sting has Joe's attention for a second, where Joe looks at him, and goes back to beating Booker. Sting calls Joe over, and tries to convince Joe to leave Booker alone. Joe leaves with Sting, before retuning, and beating Booker down even more. Sting tells Joe he's made his point. Joe gives Sting the finger, and pushes him. Sting bat shots Joe repeately, and Booker crawls over. Sharmell counts a pin and puts the belt on Booker. Announcers put over that Sharmell's decision doesn't count.

Winner: Umm, someone?

Nice psychology, but plain odd finish. Which sort of sums this show up. Everything was good in some areas, but missing in others where it could've been avoided. A bit like eating your favourite meal, and washing it down with your least favourite drink.

Anyway, I'm Neil Cathan, the only constant in the ever changing world of Pay Per View recappers here at the fan, and I'll see you next month for Hard Justice.

 
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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).