Welcome To The Vault! In This Edition, Harry Simon Goes Back To Yesteryear To Bring Us Best Of The WWF's Grudge Matches '86!
GRUDGE MATCHES (1986) Approx running
time: 90 min Approx time
period covered: 70s – Mid-80s Released:
1986 Host:
Gorilla Monsoon Monsoon opened the
video by cautioning viewers that these matches are violent, even for pro wrestling (i.e., there are gonna be blade jobs). I don’t know if the WWF actually planned it this way, but Gorilla’s soft-spoken
warning was a great way to get you psyched up for the video. 1) World
champion Hulk Hogan b The Magnificent Muraco (w/ Mr. Fuji) by DQ to retain the title [5/20/85]. Muraco started fast
and strong, attacking Hogan before the bell. On commentary, Okerlund said “If
anyone would know about a Pearl Harbor, it would be 2) The Junkyard
Dog b Terry Funk (w/ Jimmy Hart) by DQ [1/28/86]. This was during a time when JYD was arguably the #2 babyface in the company, but already starting to bulk
up (and I don’t mean in muscle). A lot of internet fans can’t say
enough good things about Terry Funk…and I’m one of them. Terry was
sensational as the classic “middle aged and crazy” loon, and he was bumping his ass off for JYD to make this match. Finish saw Dory Funk Jr. run-in and attack JYD while Terry was tied up in the ropes. Strangely, Vince and Bruno called him “Dory Funk Jr” even though the WWF
would soon repack him as “Hoss Funk.” Tito Santana led a pack of
wrestlers into the ring to make the save. Good setup match (the JYD-Funk culminated
at Wrestlemania 2 with both Funks vs. JYD & Santana). Funk deserves all the
praise he gets and then some. (David) 3) Funk
(w/ Hart) b JYD [Saturday Night’s Main Event, 11/2/85]. By standards of the time, Funk took a sick bump when JYD
slammed him over the top rope directly onto the concrete floor (this was pre-blue-mats, too).
Both Terry and Jimmy bumped and sold for JYD at every opportunity, making Dog look like a million bucks. Funk’s one serious offense spot was when he locked Dog in a sleeper (which Dog quickly reversed,
natch). Hart distracted JYD, causing him to release the sleeper. As JYD roughed up Hart, Hart pitched his megaphone in the ring. Funk nailed JYD with the megaphone and got the pin. Funk then
tried to use his branding iron on JYD, but JYD made his own save. Next came the
famous spot where Funk and JYD got into a tug-of-war over Jimmy Hart, with JYD depantsing Hart for a monster pop. JYD then used the branding iron on Hart’s butt and the fans went berserk. Great 80s TV match with both wrestlers gaining something. Funk
went over, but JYD got his heat back and then some. This wasn’t actually
the blowoff to the JYD-Funk feud (that happened at the aforementioned WM2 tag match), but it was more than acceptable for
the purposes of telling a story on this video. (David) 4) Bruno Sammartino
(w/ 5) Greg
Valentine (w/ Capt. Lou Albano) b Tito Santana to win the IC title [9/24/84, clipped].
As Santana jawed with A lengthy segment
aired with Santana in the hospital. At first, Santana talked about torn ligaments
and claimed all he wanted was to get well. They showed clips of Santana getting
surgery, which were effective in part because they didn’t show anything graphic, yet the ominous tone of the whole segment
conveyed that this was a serious matter. After the operation, a down-but-not-out
Santana weakly told fans from his sickbed that the operation was a success. Santana
calmly vowed that he would return to get revenge on Valentine. “Arriba,”
Santana concluded in a soft voice. A unique, stirring, powerful promo. Santana conveyed the best emotion of his career during this angle, which easily rates as one of the best
80s WWF feuds I’ve ever enjoyed. This segment was great as a sympathy machine
for Tito, but I can’t help but think it would have been more effective had Tito not been wearing his sunglasses in the
hospital bed before and after the surgery. A slight annoyance, but not terribly
important. 6) Santana b Valentine
(w/ Hart) in a cage match to regain the IC title [7/6/85]. Gorilla told us that this was the first time the IC title had been contested in a
steel cage, which was incorrect. If nothing else, the famous Jimmy Snuka vs.
Magnificent Muraco cage match that changed the life of an 18-year-old Mick Foley was a championship bout for Muraco’s
IC gold (Snuka cost himself the match when he hit Muraco with such a forceful headbutt that he knocked MM clear out of the
cage to the floor). This was also another example of Coliseum Video’s attention-deficit-disorder
as not even a mention was made of Valentine switching his management from 7) World champion
Superstar Billy Graham (w/ Grand Wizard) NC Sammartino (w/ Skaaland) so Graham retained the title. Gorilla Monsoon was special referee [8/1/77, clipped]. Graham was the “other” guy who beat Bruno for the WWWF World
title. Interesting perspective as Monsoon did commentary for this match on tape,
explaining what was going through his mind during the match and why he made some of the calls he did. This was a classic performance by two of wrestling’s greatest World champions ever. Graham was fantastic as the cocky muscleman heel, and Bruno was likewise outstanding as the everyman hero. Inspired spot as the desperate Graham went so far as to yank Monsoon’s shirt
in an attempt to escape a half-crab before he made the ropes. A frustrated Graham
hit Bruno with the belt to take over on offense. On commentary, Monsoon explained
that a DQ wouldn’t do Sammartino any good because, say it with me now, “championships in the WWF can only change
hands via pinfall or submission.” Bruno did another trademark gusher of
a juice job and you know what was coming next. So did Graham, who tried to save
his title by bailing out of the ring and taking a countout, but Monsoon chased after him and stopped him in the aisle. Graham took a swing at Gorilla, but Monsoon ducked, hoisted him up in a fireman’s
carry and threw him back in the ring to an insane crowd pop. Bruno went cuckoo
for Cocoa Puffs and beat the steph out of Graham, locking in his famous bearhug for another huge pop. To break the hold, Graham popped Gorilla in the jaw. On commentary,
Gorilla again explained that fans didn’t want to see a DQ finish. Remember
that, folks. A sick spot, but a jaw-dropping visual came when the bloodied Graham
staggered into Monsoon, leaving a huge bloody smear across Monsoon’s white ref shirt.
In today’s HIV-conscious society, a routine like this would probably do a promotion more harm than good, but
these were simpler times and it really did convey the sense of an unnaturally brutal match, even by pro wrestling standards. Bruno basically proceeded to make Graham his personal bitch, so Gorilla stopped the
bout “and threw the match out because there was just too much bleeding.”
Great match with a great gimmick with Gorilla as the ref, but the finish sucked.
(David) 8) World champion
Hogan & Mr. T (w/ Jimmy Snuka) b Roddy Piper & Paul Orndorff (w/ Bob Orton Jr.) [Wrestlemania I: 3/31/85]. A suitable end to the video. As the main event of the first Wrestlemania, this was one of the most significant matches in WWF history,
just like Hogan vs. Piper was one of wrestling’s most celebrated feuds ever (well, the first time, anyway). You know the story on this one. Orndorff did the lion’s
share of the work while the other three got the lion’s share of the heat. Finish
saw Hogan pin Orndorff after Orton’s interference backfired. There’s
really no point for me to do a blow-by-blow review of such a well-known match, because you either a) already know what happened,
or b) don’t care. Solid, hugely successful match which sent the fans home
happy and officially gave wrestling fans their own version of the SuperBowl. (David) Overall over-analysis:
A great video that,
for the most part, delivers on its title. The JYD-Funk story was quite good,
and the Santana-Valentine saga was off the charts. Both Bruno matches were a
hoot despite the screwy finishes. I mentioned the problem with the presentation
of Hogan-Muraco above, but even so, this was as good an 80s Hogan match as you’ll find anywhere. As for the closer, it made sense as it certainly fell under the “grudge match” umbrella, yet
they avoided the easy trap of letting all the pomp and circumstance of Wrestlemania overshadow the actual bell-to-bell main
event. With the exception of glossing over Hogan-Muraco, Gorilla did an awesome
job on commentary and the presentation was largely solid and well done. If you’re
a serious student of the game, you can learn a lot from this video…and you should. Grade: A- (match dates courtesy
of www.prowrestlinghistory.com)WWF GRUDGE MATCHES '86!
TWF FLASHBACK
November 2006
SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!
With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).
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