RAZOR RAMON Approx running time:
2 hrs The
video opened with Da Bad Guy sauntering into an arena. He said that he could hear Lex Luger’s music, which meant that
it was time for some WWF action. The nerve. Hey,
Time period covered: 1993 – 1994
Released: 1994
Hosts:
Gorilla Monsoon & Stan Lane
Gorilla and Sweet Stan officially
welcomed us to the party. Gorilla pontificated that Razor cut his teeth in the barrios of
1) Razor Ramon pinned Bam Bam Bigelow (w/ Luna Vachon) at 8:51 [5/23/94]. Gorilla
and Stan had the worst banter of any announce team in Coliseum Video history. Gorilla jovially grilled Stan about his invite
to Bammer and Luna’s impending “wedding.” Stan ran with it by suggesting that he was getting them a gift
certificate to “Tattoos R Us.” Give them a talking dog, and they could have a sitcom! On Lifetime. Anyway, this
was a decent big man match until they killed it dead with a BBB chinlock. After a couple minutes of that, the only heat left
was the embroidered flames on BBB’s tights. Bam tried to put away Razor with his own finisher, the Razor’s edge,
but Razor escaped and got a nearfall after a belly-to-back suplex. Razor started his comeback and signaled for the “real”
edge, but Luna gave distraction, allowing BBB to hit a sloppy enziguiri. BBB went up for a moonsault, but RR slammed him off
the top into a schoolboy for the pin. This seemed to be a run-through for their first round match at the following month’s
KOTR tourney, right down to the exact same finish. Not only was the PPV match tighter and hotter, but it had commentary from
Art Donovan to boot. This one just couldn’t measure up. (Mike)
Gorilla
and Stan buried the previous match by agreeing that Razor couldn’t have gotten BBB up into the edge anyway. Hey, why
not? At this point, you’ve already bought/rented the video. Sucker!
They
showed the finish from the “Intercontinental Battle Royal” [9/27/93]. The last two remaining wrestlers
would later meet each other, with the winner claiming the vacant IC Title (which was stripped from Shawn Michaels in the first
example of HBK not losing a belt in the ring…and Lord knows it wouldn’t be the last). Anyway, it came down to
Razor, Rick Martel, and Tag champs The Quebecers. The heels tripled on Razor until
2) Razor pinned Rick Martel to win the vacant IC Title [Raw,
9/27/93]. 10:42 was shown, as there was one commercial break when this originally aired. This was the match
that made Razor their next big babyface superstar, and both guys deserve credit for pulling it off beautifully. This match
aired on Columbus Day, prompting PBP man Vince McMahon to point out that
Gorilla
and Stan put over the last match, then crowed about the next “exclusive” match, which aired exactly as it did
when they showed it the first time on “Bloopers,
Bleeps, And Bodyslams.”
3) IC champion Razor pinned Evil Japanese Crush (w/ Mr. Fuji)
to retain the title at 7:09 [12/15/93]. I still can’t figure out what in the hell screeching tires had
to do with Razor’s gimmick. Razor suspiciously didn’t wear his bling to the ring. I think they were doing an angle
at this point where IRS claimed Razor was a tax cheat, so he repossessed it (seriously). The storyline here was that Crush
kept overpowering and out-cheating Da Bad Guy. This match just plain dragged, though there was good heat for Razor’s
eventual comeback. Crush dropped a knee off the top, but Razor got his foot on the rope. An oblivious Crush celebrated anyway,
allowing Razor to schoolboy Crush for the pin. Horribly boring match. (Chris)
4) IC champion Razor pinned Adam Bomb (w/ Harvey Wippleman) in a non-title
match at 3:35 [Superstars, 3/22/94]. Adam Bomb rules your bitch ass. Adam attacked Razor before the bell and
then ruled his bitch ass, too. Fans chanted “Razor.”
Gorilla and Stan reflected. Stan was just about to confess his true feelings for Gorilla,
when they cut away to an exclusive Razor interview. Better luck next time, “Gangster Of Love.” (Note: Please don’t
e-mail me to tell me that Stan was actually the “Sultan Of Swing,” while Bobby Eaton was the true “Gangster
Of Love.” I really, truly don’t care.)
Razor welcomed us to his locker room by saying “Yo.”
Hell, maybe he was supposed to be a dyslexic Jewish wrestler all this time. It’s about as credible for him as the
Stan talked about going down in the anals of history. He is SO sending
signals, but that big dumb Gorilla just didn’t take the hint.
6) IC
champion Razor pinned IRS to retain the title at 11:45 total time [RR94, 1/22/94]. This was the PPV match,
complete with original commentary. Meaning, Gorilla and Jim Ross spent a great deal of time decrying how Owen Hart had “just”
turned against his brother Bret Hart. The match was neither particularly good nor bad, as their styles just didn’t mesh.
Anyway, this was during the WMX build to Razor-Shawn, so why it aired AFTER they showed the ladder match is anybody’s
guess. The ref was bumped and Razor went for the edge, but HBK ran-in with his “bogus” IC belt and conked Razor,
who sold it like he was dead. IRS crawled over and got a three-count as the ref woke up, but other refs stormed the ring and
pointed out that there were now magically two IC belts in the ring. Ref Prime restarted the match, and Razor yanked a celebrating
IRS off the second rope into the edge for the quickie pin. I really, really, really hate the “restart” finish
because it makes both guys look like the drizzling shits. On the plus side, at least this time it’s not like they ruined
an otherwise good match. (Chris)
7) IC champion Razor beat Jeff Jarrett by DQ in a non-title match at approximately 9:35 (no opening bell, one break)
[Raw, 4/11/94]. To show you how WWF programming priorities have changed, this non-title bout was window dressing
while Vince and Savage talked up Razor’s upcoming title defense against Diesel “this coming weekend” on
their syndicated “Superstars” show. RR and JJ had a real chemistry together and often clicked for good matches
(and a couple IC Title switchbacks in later months). Far as I know, this was their first TV match together, and it was solid.
JJ pitched Razor to the floor, prompting Michaels to come down and trash-talk Razor. Razor slugged Shawn and made his comeback.
Savage exclaimed, “The One Man Gang, Razor Ramon!” Thank god they didn’t have THAT match on this video.
Razor brought Michaels into the ring and pounded the hell out of him. Forgetting that Shawn wasn’t the guy he was wrestling
(speaking of spots I hate) Razor picked up HBK for the edge, but Diesel ran-in (and yes, there was a point when Kevin Nash
actually COULD run) and saved his Boy Toy. Diesel hit the big boot and two weak jackknifes. Diesel stood on Razor’s
chest, with the announcers naturally putting this over as a pre-emptive strike before the Razor-Diesel title match. That was
the match where Diesel won the title, of course, but they didn’t show it on this video. No big loss there. (David)
Now Stan is talking about “Boy’s Clubs” in
8) Razor beat Yokozuna (w/ Jim Cornette &
Gorilla and Stan signed off (Stan never did get Gorilla’s digits), and threw
it to the man himself for the final word. Razor helpfully suggested that if we wanted to see more of Da Bad Guy, we should
check out the WWF.
…
Thanks, Razor.
Overall over-analysis: First of all, it does
bear mention that Razor went 8-0-0 in his matches on his video. If I’m not mistaken, that’s a Coliseum Video first
for anyone not named “Hulk Hogan.” Existing Razor fans should be pleased, but frankly, this tape did nothing to
hook potential fans, which is what these videos MUST do. Newbies were left scratching their heads as to just who this guy
is and what’s his backstory. (The paper-thin “explanations” from Gorilla and Stan just didn’t cut
it.) Yes, I know his debut vignettes were horrible, and they conveyed the failed catchphrase, “Dey tink I’m some
kind of pig.” That’s the thing, though; Razor was one of those characters that seemed to have “WrestleCrap”
written all over him until a combination of good marketing, with the talent and charisma of Scott Hall in his prime, got the
gimmick over to where Razor grew into a solid main event babyface.
I’ve gotta tell you, this thing took me maybe
an hour and a half total to write up. It was the quickest I’ve ever reviewed anything, and that’s because I’d
already seen everything but the first and last match. Mind you, except for the Martel match and the ladder match, it was nothing
I cared to see again. They can’t even use the “1994 was the year of Vince’s steroid trial” excuse,
because this tape came out the same time as “Bret ‘Hitman’
Hart” , which was easily one of their best productions. The bottom line here is that the uncharacteristic lack of effort and exclusives
put into RR makes it the laziest Coliseum Video ever.
This Observer’s Thumb……………....is
down.
-HDS-
Match dates courtesy of www.prowrestlinghistory.com
TWF FLASHBACK
November 2006
SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!
With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).
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