RAZOR RAMON

Approx running time: 2 hrs
Time period covered: 1993 – 1994
Released: 1994
Hosts: Gorilla Monsoon & Stan Lane

The video opened with Da Bad Guy sauntering into an arena. He said that he could hear Lex Luger’s music, which meant that it was time for some WWF action. The nerve. Hey, chico, try showing up to work on time sometime. I don’t show up halfway through a review, write up the last two matches and call it a day, do I? It’s called “professionalism.” And wear a freakin’ shirt, Fuzzy Wuzzy! No wonder the company now has a dress code.

Gorilla and Sweet Stan officially welcomed us to the party. Gorilla pontificated that Razor cut his teeth in the barrios of Miami. Well, I guess that’s a better story than “Razor once wrestled in cowboy boots a big poofy afro in Minnesota before getting a micro-push as an alligator wrestler in Georgia.”

1) Razor Ramon pinned Bam Bam Bigelow (w/ Luna Vachon) at 8:51 [5/23/94]. Gorilla and Stan had the worst banter of any announce team in Coliseum Video history. Gorilla jovially grilled Stan about his invite to Bammer and Luna’s impending “wedding.” Stan ran with it by suggesting that he was getting them a gift certificate to “Tattoos R Us.” Give them a talking dog, and they could have a sitcom! On Lifetime. Anyway, this was a decent big man match until they killed it dead with a BBB chinlock. After a couple minutes of that, the only heat left was the embroidered flames on BBB’s tights. Bam tried to put away Razor with his own finisher, the Razor’s edge, but Razor escaped and got a nearfall after a belly-to-back suplex. Razor started his comeback and signaled for the “real” edge, but Luna gave distraction, allowing BBB to hit a sloppy enziguiri. BBB went up for a moonsault, but RR slammed him off the top into a schoolboy for the pin. This seemed to be a run-through for their first round match at the following month’s KOTR tourney, right down to the exact same finish. Not only was the PPV match tighter and hotter, but it had commentary from Art Donovan to boot. This one just couldn’t measure up. (Mike)

Gorilla and Stan buried the previous match by agreeing that Razor couldn’t have gotten BBB up into the edge anyway. Hey, why not? At this point, you’ve already bought/rented the video. Sucker!

They showed the finish from the “Intercontinental Battle Royal” [9/27/93]. The last two remaining wrestlers would later meet each other, with the winner claiming the vacant IC Title (which was stripped from Shawn Michaels in the first example of HBK not losing a belt in the ring…and Lord knows it wouldn’t be the last). Anyway, it came down to Razor, Rick Martel, and Tag champs The Quebecers. The heels tripled on Razor until Pierre accidentally clotheslined Jacques over the top rope. RR then immediately ejected Pierre, leaving himself and “The Model.” Note to rookies: Never hold a guy for someone in a battle royal. Just don’t. It’s like grabbing Owen Hart’s foot when he tries to kick you in the stomach. No good can come of it. This leads us to…

2) Razor pinned Rick Martel to win the vacant IC Title [Raw, 9/27/93]. 10:42 was shown, as there was one commercial break when this originally aired. This was the match that made Razor their next big babyface superstar, and both guys deserve credit for pulling it off beautifully. This match aired on Columbus Day, prompting PBP man Vince McMahon to point out that Columbus was Hispanic, and thus, this could turn out to be a great day for people of “Hispanic extraction.” Oh, for God’s sake. Martel’s psychology was great as he taunted everyone with his evil Canadian jumping jacks. After running the ropes, Razor hit the fallaway slam for a pop. Razor overpowered Martel and worked the left arm. Martel’s bumping, selling, and facials were tremendous. Back from break, Martel was in control. in a unique spot that looked great visually, Martel kept whipping Razor into the same set of turnbuckles. Martel tried to get the pin with his feet on the ropes, but the ref caught him. Martel continued to work the back, trying to soften Razor up for his Boston crab finisher. Martel finally got the crab, but Razor made the ropes. Martel hit a side suplex, and again locked in the crab, this time in the middle of the ring. McMahon, Bobby Heenan, and even Randy Savage did a great job of putting over the match from the broadcast table. Razor managed to power out of the crab with a push-up, flipping Martel over into a pin attempt for a nearfall. Martel reversed it into a sunset flip for another nearfall. Martel hit a nice dropkick for the third nearfall in less than a minute. This was totally balls-out for the early 90s, especially since there wasn’t a “Bret,” “Owen,” or “Shawn” involved in this match. Martel hit a bodypress, but Razor rolled through for another nearfall. Savage fired off the best line of his color commentary career with, “This is the toughest match I’ve never been in!” Martel clotheslined for his last nearfall, then Razor met a backdrop attempt with a kneelift. Razor dramatically powered up a struggling Martel into the edge, which looked great, because Martel actually seemed to be trying to escape the move, as opposed to the jobbers who just limply accept their fate. Razor hit the edge for the clean pin and deserved major pop. Razor strapped on the gold, which effectively “refreshed” his own pop. Excellent match. For some reason, one of wrestling’s most enduring incorrect “facts” is that Rick Martel is a former IC champion. It’s not true, and this was the closest he ever got. Razor, on the other hand, claimed his first IC strap in this match, and he would go on to become the first three-time IC champion in WWWFE history. (Kerry)

Gorilla and Stan put over the last match, then crowed about the next “exclusive” match, which aired exactly as it did when they showed it the first time on “Bloopers, Bleeps, And Bodyslams.”

3) IC champion Razor pinned Evil Japanese Crush (w/ Mr. Fuji) to retain the title at 7:09 [12/15/93]. I still can’t figure out what in the hell screeching tires had to do with Razor’s gimmick. Razor suspiciously didn’t wear his bling to the ring. I think they were doing an angle at this point where IRS claimed Razor was a tax cheat, so he repossessed it (seriously). The storyline here was that Crush kept overpowering and out-cheating Da Bad Guy. This match just plain dragged, though there was good heat for Razor’s eventual comeback. Crush dropped a knee off the top, but Razor got his foot on the rope. An oblivious Crush celebrated anyway, allowing Razor to schoolboy Crush for the pin. Horribly boring match. (Chris)

4) IC champion Razor pinned Adam Bomb (w/ Harvey Wippleman) in a non-title match at 3:35 [Superstars, 3/22/94]. Adam Bomb rules your bitch ass. Adam attacked Razor before the bell and then ruled his bitch ass, too. Fans chanted “Razor.” Harvey looked kinda like Professor Plum from the “Clue” board game. Adam missed an elbowdrop, but yanked Razor out of the ring and clotheslined him. Adam then hit his kick-ass slingshot clothesline that could have gotten over big had they ever, you know, NAMED the damn thing. Razor kneelifted out of another backdrop attempt, then hit the edge for the pin. But seriously, folks, this was a very good quickie big man match that never let up and looked great on TV. (Kerry)

Gorilla and Stan reflected. Stan was just about to confess his true feelings for Gorilla, when they cut away to an exclusive Razor interview. Better luck next time, “Gangster Of Love.” (Note: Please don’t e-mail me to tell me that Stan was actually the “Sultan Of Swing,” while Bobby Eaton was the true “Gangster Of Love.” I really, truly don’t care.)

Razor welcomed us to his locker room by saying “Yo.” Hell, maybe he was supposed to be a dyslexic Jewish wrestler all this time. It’s about as credible for him as the Cuban/Hispanic/Latino street thug. Razor recapped the issue twixt himself and Shawn Michaels in sentence fragments. Razor waxed nostalgic about being both at the top of the mountain and down in the gutter. Five years later, he only WISHED that was just a worked wrestling promo.