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The Wrestling Fan dot com, in conjunction with The Academy of Wrestling Arts & Sciences (whoever the fuck they are), ranks the Bottom 25 Superstars inside the wrestling world each week with the SOUR 25. The rankings are based on ridiculousness, stupidity, push (or lack thereof), sexual orientation, as well as whether or not Canadian Bacon owns a piece of their merchandise. Be sure to check back every Sunday for the latest SOUR 25. 

Note: Each week, Mobile Alert subscribers get suckered into paying premium prices for information they can get absolutely free, simply by having patience and waiting 24 measly hours. If you have purchase this service, we will send you a FREE!!!! ringtone of Eugene calling YOU a retard!


SOUR 25 LEGEND

          Rise In Rankings        Fall In Rankings           No Change

 

This Week   Movement   Superstar   Last Week
               
1.  

  The Marine:

Basically because I can find more money in my couch cushions or daughters piggy bank than in the box office register.
  NA
2.

Chris Masters:

What a masterpiece of shit! The former best physique in wrestling now finds himself a shell of what he use to be. Jobbing week after week to Nacho Libre and becoming the punchline to HHH's jokes on live television, Masters now realizes that his only and final claim to fame is his unbroken masterlock, which will be broken, just as soon as Aurora is off the tit.

NA
3.

Kurt Angle:


Who cares if you use to hang out at 2am behind every Flying J looking for a quick pain killing fix? The main thing is, you're clean...I mean your healthy...ummmm... .uhh...your hair looks great today!
8
4. Chris Kanyon:

Another appearance on Howard Stern and he had an impromptu battle with Ric Flair over the phone. Kanyon seems a bit high on the fact that he was training Malone, Rodman and Leno for their wrestling debuts, was a stunt/bump man in Ready to Rumble and even mentioned on Stern that Flair had asked Kanyon to train his son, David. Is it me or does everything Kanyon touch or get into, turn to shit? (Read between the lines folks, gay joke hidden in punchline.)
2
5.

Marty Jannetty

How much worse can it get for anyone? He spends more time blogging and writing for fucking animals than Walt Disney! He spends countless hours on myspace typing crazy shit and talking as if his animals are real fucking drinking buddies. It's a sad situation, because he'd rather sit at home with animals than be on the road staring at the WWE divas and nailing some hot ring rats.

Interspecies erotica, perhaps?

Don't believe me? Lookie cheer.


http://www.myspace.com/mustafashady 

http://www.myspace.com/louielemur

7
6.

John Cena:

 Teaching children that you can fail at anything you set your mind to. An over pushed wrestling career, a mediocre rap career and a crippling start to an acting career proves what he says all along; "You can't see me!" Truer words have never been spoken, because if they don't back you on FREE television, they sure as hell won't pay $7 or however much the "canucks" have to cough up to watch you.  After looking at the box office receipts, the academy thinks the Chain Gang, needs a few more members. Seriously, it's pretty bad when the director of Gigli laughs out loud while after looking at the figures for you flick.

14
7.

Kevin Dunn (WWE Executive Producer)

Perhaps the most ignorant and ass kissing fool on the list. Apparently cap n' bucktoof feels that fans are confused with the current ECW product and arent tuning in, because they don't know it's a WWE product. His solution? He thinks that throwing WWE's logo all over the ECW programming will fix this. Umm, wrong! The only way I see confusion amongst ECW fans are because they are expecting to see ECW, yet every week have RAW and Smackdown guys taking up 48 minutes of the 60 minute broadcast and the notable names associated with ECW have all been fired. But why would we expect you to see any of that, when you have a great view of things already.

NA
8.

Shelton Benjamin
Because he's STILL black! (Whatever happened to that angle, by the way?)
6
9.

Randy Orton: 


"Only fucking Jason Voorhees has been buried more, resurrected again, only to be buried one more time." - Sean Carless.

My take on the guy is pretty simple. Until the rest of the WWE roster either dies of liver issues or comes out of the closet and gets fired, Orton will never get another shit....(Freudian slip) I mean SHOT or promoted past his "No Other Choice" role in the company.
NA
10.




The Highlanders:

You know why Scotsmen wear kilts? Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away! Actually, it allows easy access for creative to shove the big corporate, political and creative process up their ass. Besides, molestering animals isn't all that bad. It's better than being gay!

NA
11.

OOOOOOOHMAGA:

The undefeated Samoan BULLDOSSER loses all island cred this week!  This guy has credible victories under his belt against Ric Flair, Triple H, John Cena and HBK., not to mention he even sends Kane packing in a somewhat convincing fashion. Yet, Jackass legend Steve-O has the last LAUGH (literally). After his repeated no sell of Umaga's trademark moves, Umaga proceeded to potato the hell out of Steve-O, but to no avail. I mean c'mon, he pierces his ass cheeks together, bobs for jellyfish and staples paper to his nuts and you expect him to sell to you? You don't even have the guts to get a REAL tattoo on your face. Poser...

22
12.

Warrior:

The destrucity continues. After being called an idiot by the man he hired to make him look good and counter the WWE's Self Destruction DVD, Warrior decides to stand up and claim that he is no imbecile and sue the film maker for breach of contract and video rights. The Warrior showing his intellectual prowess, files a suit against him in a state that the film maker has never been in, thus forcing the suit to be thrown out. Not to mention he was held in contempt for showing up to court in tassles and face paint.

BUT WAIT! There's more...

Now, Captain Schizo wants to try and sue the WWE AGAIN for BREACH OF CONTRACT and defamation. With his trigger happy B.O.C. background, why the fuck does ANYONE agree to any type of contractual deals with this guy? Second question is. Has anyone been more guilty of defamation against the Warrior more than himself? He is a walking example of what happens when retards realize what their pee pee and poot poot are for and experiment. Maybe queering doesn't make the world work, but neither does being a ignorant muscle bound juggernaut imbecile.

His actions have shot him halfway up the list...

NA
13.

Jimmy Wang Yang:

The academy unanimously agrees that he is one mechanical bull vignette away from catapulting to #1. So far he's got fwends in row praces. Seriously, enough with the Rone Ranger gimmick.

15
14.

The Big Show:

For wearing that hideous fucking Duane "Dog" Chapman style shirt on RAW

NA
15. Psicosis:

Nothing new on the Psicosis front. However, the academy has had time to reflect on his recent actions and are quite sided with him. I mean face it, if you spent your entire life riding on a lawnmower or in a Geo Metro with 18 other people, you would want your own vehicle too!
1
16.

Johnny Devine:

The academy had no idea who he was, nor did we have a clue what supermarket he was bagging groceries at when before Jeff decided he needed someone young to bury. Honestly us internet dweebs could give a fuck less. Actually us dweebs could just boycott TNA, and see how well you can support your family then. If TNA ever had to cut costs and corners, I guarantee that you would at the top of that list. Seeing as the IWC and internet dweebs keep food in your kids pissholes, maybe a thank you is in order. Actually on second thought, FUCK YOU! I don't want your fucking apology. You're lower card status is good enough.

NA
17.

Billy Kidman:

So maybe Torrie finally got tired of supporting your unemployed ass. It's not a big deal though, just look at all that fine young ass you can get touring those bingo halls on the indy scene. At least you'll have the chance to get alamony from her and maybe, just maybe, she will leave you her old playboy mags so you can have your occasional stroll down memory lane. I mean, can you blame her for wanting to fuck a guy with an income? (BTW, Torrie, if you read this. I have a very tenured and secure PT job at Dollar General! I could treat you much better...)

NA
18.

Scotty Too Hottie:


From the "why are they still employed" chronicles comes a unique adventure. In this installment, the oft injured Scott Taylor gets to dust off his worm (settle down Kanyon, I mean the wrestling move.) one more time and add Dave Taylor to his "Everybody I've jobbed to" resume.
NA
19. Shawn Michaels:

The academy is quite fond of Shawn's ability to half ass his DX persona by inviting people to suck his tummy. Watch as his crotch chops never fully reach his rooster and fall right at his belly button. This may sound horrible, but I've actually prayed that HBK would backslide so I could be entertained with DX again.
24
20. King BookaaaaaaH:

So much for being able to smell their own. While on RAW, King BookaaaaH was the recent victim of Cryme Tyme's whacky antics when they lifted his wallet. What I find extremely shocking is the fact that I thought all brotha's carried their cheddar in their sneakers? Odd, I tell you. Simply Odd.(What? Vince isn't the only one who can exploit black stereotypes. Jeez.)
NA
21. Jimmy "Jam" Garvin:

He's certainly isn't going to be up for employee of the month, and the same can be said for Michael Hayes. After Hayes was promoted to head of Smackdown! he was able to pull a few strings and land Jimmy a gig on the creative team. Well, 3 days later he walks out and quits, souring the good name and reputation of Hayes. While it still is unclear why he quit. Being the big shot insider that TWF is, we've mannaged to get the scoop.

Seems as though Jimmy found out that "creative" was merely a code name for his real job description and that he would be designated "holder" for RVD, Sabu, Randy Orton and Chris Masters. He was also flustered at the fact that sobriety was enforced amongst the office and the temptation to shoot "the itchy" was too much to bare. Add to the fact that Kevin Dunn wanted to implant a computer chip in his right hand and tattoo the WWE logo on his forehead, in a effort  to keep the fans from getting confused as to what tv show they are watching.

Garvin simply could not handle it....
NA
22. Kevin Nash:

Been healthy for what? 4 or 5 weeks? Isn't it about time for him to blow a quad?
20
23. Bill Goldberg:

Looks as though Spike TV has a holding contract with Bill to produce a reality show focusing around himself. Let's hope that it will be nothing like his WCW matches where he blows himself up during the first minute and has to take it home by the 3 minute mark. If that's the case, don't expect big number for the quarter hour.

Perhaps the series will be called "Done in 60 seconds".

NA
24. Lita:

Because she refuses to return my calls. I mean, all I'm doing is checking to see if she got that same rash I did after our meet and greet? It's important! Lita CALL ME!!!!
21
25. A-Train

Because it seems he wanted to try and one up William Regal's No Mercy performance, and spread eagle himself all over the internet. Disgusting!
 

NA
 

 

 

TolerancE is a former writer for The Honky Tonk Man's official website and currently owns and operates his own semi-successful wrestling site located at www.theringsidevoice.com.Other achievements include, co-founder of Myspace (you wont find that in writing anywhere because Tom stole that entire idea from me), stunt double for Patrick Swayze in GHOST (Hardest part of the film was having to enter Whoopi Goldberg), and recently picthed the idea to Mel Gibson to release a special edition DVD of The Passion of The Christ (with alternate ending of course.) He was buying the whole thing up until the part where Triple H rips Christ off the cross, pedigrees him and throws him in the tomb. After that, it got quiet and I got a busy signal. He must be using Verizon.

For more insanity and general wrestling discussion, news, commentary and exclusive interviews with current and former wrestling stars, check out THE RINGSIDE VOICE. For comments, feedback and other information I probably don't want filling up my mailbox send it here tolerance@theringsidevoice.com or check me out on Myspace

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).