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The Wrestling Fan dot com, in conjunction with The Academy of Wrestling Arts & Sciences (whoever the fuck they are), ranks the Bottom 25 Superstars inside the wrestling world each week with the SOUR 25. The rankings are based on ridiculousness, stupidity, push (or lack thereof), sexual orientation, as well as whether or not Canadian Bacon owns a piece of their merchandise. Be sure to check back every Sunday for the latest SOUR 25. 

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SOUR 25 LEGEND

          Rise In Rankings        Fall In Rankings           No Change

 

This Week   Movement   Superstar   Last Week
               
1.  

 
 		 Psicosis (PSYCHO-SYS)
It was indeed a tough call, but the academy had to give Psychosys the nod. I mean you have a Mexican man, pulling a gun on a person and then stealing their car. What stereotype? (Yeah, that's sarcasm!)		   NA
2.

Chris Kanyon
Apparently Vince isn't the only one who likes cock. A wise man once said, "Queering doesn't make the world work". We've all heard the expression, "Don't let the door hit you, where the good lord split you" before. Well this is a prime example when the door hits you in the ass too many times. Seriously though, could it be more apparent that he has had more black cock in him than a urinal at the Apollo Theater?		 NA
3.

William Regal
Yet more proof that Vince likes cock. With all the diva's on the roster willing to bare it all, they decide to let William Regal "air" out the boys on live PPV.		 NA
4. Lashley
Yeah, so creative decided that he wasn't a big enough name to draw a main event match. So what did they do? Put Finlay in it! Who the fuck writes this shit?		 NA
5. Jim Ross
 It appears that a Speak and Spell can put together more coherent sentences than good ol' J.R. Apparently Mr. Ross thinks that every week, we forget that Viscera wears the world largest pajamas. I guess that's better than having a half eaten can of SPAM for a face.		 NA
6. Shelton Benjamin
Because he's black!		 NA
7. Marty Jannetty
After being hired AGAIN by the WWE, Marty Jannetty was apparently fired AGAIN. Seems as though he was AWOL from scheduled company activities, and was reported as being irate when management rejected his "I had a really important blog to write for my cat Mustafa on his Myspace page" excuse.		 NA
8.

Kurt Angle
Not special enough! 		 NA
9. Montel Vontavious Porter
After making his debut at No Mercy and barely squeaking by in his victory over one of WWE's top stars (cant remember his name). MVP showed the wrestling world, what Flash Funk would be like if he had a G.E.D.		 NA
10.



 

 Big Vito
What's more fun than taking a guy who  admits he's gay and giving him a job? Taking a perfectly straight man, making him act gay for the sake of job security and humiliating the shit out of him! Then again, had Vito really had a set of balls, he would have told WWE management to shove that dress up Vince's ass when propsoed with the Gimmick.		 NA
11. The Great Khali
First the fans turn on you, then management, next thing you know your own internal organs reject you. Time to face the music. You're NO Giant Gonzalez.		 NA
12. Scott Hall 
Not to be confused with the guy who played  Maniac Cop

Recently, rumors began to swirl about his possible return to the ring. Although he is said to have gotten his life on track, the academy still isn't sure about his longevity. While he hasn't clearly chosen WWE or TNA, we here believe he will reunite with his old nWo buddy Kevin Nash to combine their powers together and form the deadliest 6 move tag team in TNA history!		 NA
13.

Francine
Apparently Stephanie McMahon is the only one in the WWE that can have junk in the trunk. The academy hopes that Ms. Fournier kept the receipt for that new buns of steel collection she purchased, because it's back to the "miss meal cramps" for her.		 NA
14.

John Cena
Can't wrestle, can hardly rap (I say hardly, because I actually like a few songs on his CD.) so I guess it's no surprise that he will try his hand at acting. His role as a Marine is not as realistic as that of a REAL Marine. Mostly because you never see him FRAG any Arabs and he hardly even mentions that guy Charlie or any of his Angels. 		NA
15. Jimmy Wang Yang
DERIVERANCE?!?		 NA
16.

Les MIZerables
After being held for 19 years in a quarry for a stealing roster spot on Smackdown! he is required to wear a goofy haircut and carry a yellow card to identify himself as a convict. A veteran of the reality TV world, it seems that the only reality he cant face is the reality that he really, really sucks.		 NA
17. Rob Van Dam
Face it, RVD is notorious for being a connoisseur of the recreational cigarette. It's just too bad you don't earn frequent flyer miles each time you get high. Otherwise he would have never gotten caught driving down the highway in a vehicle that would have made Scooby doo & the gang look like The Waltons.  His TV burial is just a sign that when you're high, you always have to come down.
 		 NA
18. The Boogeyman
In typical McMahon fashion, Vince shows that he is not afraid of anyone, and that includes The Boogeyman. That is until he realizes that the gimmick itself moves more WWE merchandise than both of the Hebner brothers combined.

YOU'RE HIRED!!!!
 		 NA
19. Snitsky
Although he hasn't seen much action lately, it's nice to know that he has been delegated to putting over Umaga. The man with the wretched BACKNE has shown the academy that he can make an awesome bubble wrap popping sound each time he takes a bump.		 NA
20. Kevin Nash
We wanted to move him farther up the list, but the academy ultimately refused to give into his political demands. So it's with great pleasure that we spitefully place Mr. kick punch near fall at the bottom of our list.		 NA
21. Lita
Because she wont engage TolerancE, Carless and Remy in an almighty fourgy.		 NA
22. Umaga
Bacon and myself were discussing this very man earlier, and we noticed that Lawler was talking about his facial tattoos. Well, I hate to inform Mr. Umaga, but he might want to seek malpractice or something on his tattoo artist. Last time I checked, tattoos weren't suppose to smear and come off with sweat. 		NA
23. Melina
See 21... 		NA
24.

 

 Shawn Michaels
I was talking to God the other day over a cold glass of holy water, and he assured me that he's never heard of anyone named Shawn Michaels. In fact, he said if he ever does meets him, he wants to try and get Sunny's number off of him.		 NA
25. Viscera
I found the definition of Viscera: Viscera is the plural form of viscus, which refers to an organism's internal organs.

I guess his Viscera's are the size of small Cambodian villages. That, or that explains where Sally Struthers has disappeared to.
 
NA

 

 

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).