This week's challenge: PICTURE CAPTIONS.
And, shit, what else can possibly be said here? WE PROVIDE PICTURES.
THEY PROVIDE LULZ (maybe). YOU PROVIDE VOTES
(please?) . Yes, you will read through
these captions and let us know whose made you laugh the most. And, um,
This assignment was designed to test the Rookies' humor and joking capabilities. Mostly because we here at The Wrestling Fan rely on humor to lessen the pain of sitting through 7+ hours of terrible WWE and TNA programming on a weekly basis. You have to have a sense of humor to get through a 42-fucking-minute opening promo on Impact. So, yeah, remember to vote for your favorite Rookie, because your vote makes up half the decision here, and when eliminations come around, we want to feel GOOD about our decision to have the losing Rookie sent packing via firing squad. Just kidding. Maybe.
Paul G. Parry: 'Less Zoolander, more Wholander. Because, you see, it.. WHO THE FUCK IS THIS, SEAN?'
Ernie Brannigan: Michael Cole used "Blue Steel?" No King, not this way~!
Josh Kennedy: "I guess it all started the first time I did play by play for Monday Night Raw. I caught a reflection of the Undertaker on my tv screen and I remember thinking, "wow, that's so vintage; maybe you can make a career out of saying that."
Jeff Knott: They've started an LXT for commentators? Fuuuccccccckkkk...
Zach Morrison: "Hey Daniel Bryan, you can Dere-lick my balls."
DN Spunk: So THAT'S where the term "Cole Miner" came from.
Riggs Murtagh: It didn't matter if Michael Cole couldn't turn left, to his Cole-Miners, he would always be 'really, really, good looking'...
Paul G. Parry: 'A.N.T., the world's leading Antfarming business, instantly regretted their somewhat simple error involved in their newest publicity stunt.'
Ernie Brannigan: Dixie Carter meant well, but this is not what was meant by TNA needing better advertising.
Josh Kennedy: "Strange. Russo said this was the best way to attract new wrestlers, but only a bloated Val Kilmer has shown up."
Jeff Knott: Hey Sting, this shit had better work better than when you got Robocop in.
Zach Morrison: "Quick, we need 2010 versions of the DOA, Nation of Domination and Los Boriquas! Send up the Bat Signal!"
DN Spunk: Having exhausted all other options, Dixie Carter makes one last attempt to draw fans in. Unfortunately, they mistook her for the Scarecrow and assumed it was a trick.
Riggs Murtagh: No matter how brightly that signal shone, not even Batman could save TNA from nonsensical booking.
Paul G. Parry: 'Pat Patterson takes the term 'Sausage Fest' literally. He's not that good at being gay.'
Ernie Brannigan: If Pat manages to eat all that, it'll be the first time that more sausage has come out his ass rather than in it.
Josh Kennedy: Patterson's Meats: Because nothing tastes better with sausage than wrinkly old fruit.
Jeff Knott: Smackdown vs Raw 2011 has won high praise for the new "Sylvin Grenier Road to Wrestlemania" mode.
Zach Morrison: Upon retirement, Pat Patterson and Sylvan Grenier had themselves one hell of a sausagefest.
DN Spunk: 10/21/10: The only time in history that Pat Patterson said he was going to a "Sausage Fest" and meant it in the most literal sense possible.
Riggs Murtagh: "At Patterson's Sausage Factory, you can always be sure our produce is well hung."
Paul G. Parry: 'The light of God seemed to shine in Linda's eyes, making her sure that her rise to Senate was the right path for her and the country, and that the Jews did 9/11.'
Ernie Brannigan: Why on Earth is Triple H seemingly checking out Linda McMahon's ass? Is there another title reign hidden there?
Josh Kennedy: Triple H: "It's moments like this when I realize that I kidnapped and raped the wrong McMahon."
Jeff Knott: Can a seat in the Senate change hands on a DQ?
Zach Morrison: HHH - "I hope she realizes the second she loses this election, we're having ourselves a bra and panties first blood match, where unprotected chairshots are not only legal, but encouraged!"
DN Spunk: Something, something, something Dark Side. Something, something, something complete.
Riggs Murtagh: Like her husband and son-in-law before her, Linda was seeing the light....more poop jokes would be needed for her campaign to be successful.
Paul G. Parry: 'What the f-- HOLY SHIT I FOUND HIS SMILE.'
Ernie Brannigan: Goozle! He's got him throttled now!
Josh Kennedy: Undertaker: "Shawn, why do you have a tattoo that says "Property of the Bushwhackers" right next to your dick?"
Jeff Knott: There's Shawn's smile!
Zach Morrison: Little did Undertaker realize that once he "neutered" Shawn Michaels, it actually freed HBK to superkick guys halfway across the ring.
DN Spunk: So, this is what your penis looks like when you're alive... / To make some extra cash during rest periods, the Undertaker learns how to give prostate exams.
Riggs Murtagh: "Sorry Shawn, your smile's not in there...."
Paul G. Parry: 'PFFFBLT!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOUTUBE ISN'T PRIVATE?'
Ernie Brannigan: Even after this, MVP was still the gentleman and asked Matt for that second date.
Josh Kennedy: Always a bit slow on the uptake, it suddenly dawned on Matt Hardy why Lita always referred to Viscera as "Dongzilla".
Jeff Knott: Proof Matt Hardy has an eating disorder. When anorexics look in the mirror, they see a fat person looking back at them, so does Matt.
Zach Morrison: That slice of pizza was the last piece of food that Matt Hardy willingly gave up for five years.
DN Spunk: If Matt Hardy could learn to do this more often, he might still have a job.
Riggs Murtagh: Matt Hardy's impression of his brothers' wilder days never went down well with the live audiences.
Paul G. Parry: A friendly game of 'Finger the Butt' goes awry.
Ernie Brannigan: Where did you have your hand? You sick freak!
Josh Kennedy: Ok, let's go over this again Flair: First you blade HOGAN, then you dry hump CHRISTY.
Jeff Knott: Yes, this one has failed the Lawler test - she is too old.
Zach Morrison: "Damn it Snitsky! First Lita, now this! Have you no shame?!"
DN Spunk: I could make a "brain damage" joke here, but it's easier to just call Maria stupid. / The doctor shows a relieved Maria that, yes, she is still having her regular periods.
Riggs Murtagh: Menstruation be damned, he'd bought the rohypnol... and he was going to make use of the rohypnol!
Paul G. Parry: "A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death. AlsoHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG" - John Cena, Professor of Thuganomics
Ernie Brannigan: Even when making horrible facial expressions, John Cena still gets more snatch than any of us do. Life ain't always fair.
Josh Kennedy: In preparation for the newest WWE film, The Other Sister 2: Honeymoon at Wendy's, the cast has fittingly decided to go Full Retard.
Jeff Knott: When Cena said he wanted to be just like Ric Flair, he got the title, the limousine, the girl, the drink... and HHH surgically attached to his asshole.
Zach Morrison: Cena just realized that as a parting gift to the WWE, Jericho took a leak in his champagne.
DN Spunk: Only John Cena would find it funny to get a rectal exam in a limo by a drunk bitch from New Jersey.
Riggs Murtagh: You'd pull a face like that too if you were asked to watch The Marine again.