So as part of our challenges, I have
(un)wisely chosen one that has slipped through the net
of recent PPV Rants. I’ll be honest and say I’m a
wrestling relic who would’ve and perhaps should’ve
reviewed a ‘classic’ but hey what the hell! A note of
caution, I am English so expect an extra ‘u’ thrown in
words once in a while, I hope this beast of a
review/essay entertains.
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We
open with the traditional hype package – sometimes it
seems that on video packages alone the WWE could make a
Funaki/Brawler feud look like it’s Wrestlemania worthy.
One note worth mentioning is the voiceover’s
proclamation that this was their last chance to headline
WrestleMania…get the feeling it won’t be Kofi Kingston
no matter how many times they feature him in this
video.
So onto the show, cue pyro etc. Our
commentators tonight are Michael Cole, Jerry Lawler, and
Matt Stryker, and the ominous sound of the elimination
chamber begins, as we kick off with Raw title match as
Justin Roberts does his impression of a bad mix of the
Fink and Michael Buffer to tell us the rules for the
first of many…many times tonight;
WWE
Champion Sheamus vs. John Cena vs. Randy Orton vs.
Triple H vs. Kofi Kingston vs. Ted Dibiase (Elimination
Chamber
Match)
First up is the WWE’s premier
African-American star John Cena, who gets a good but
high pitched pop upon entering. Quite a good cheer for a
curtain jerker as Matt Stryker begins a night of
questionable commentary by stating Cena is ‘one of the
most controversial superstars ever’. I think Messrs
Benoit, Von Erich, and Pillman might argue that point.
Well they would if they were
alive.
Next out is Ted Dibiase, who is met with
apathy to the extent that they decide now is the time to
introduce us to the commentators, where once again Matt
Stryker makes me think twice about his skills by
informing us ‘The Chamber can be your mansion if you’re
willing to mortgage your career…’ That’s one hell of a
real estate term and condition – and I’m guessing with
hindsight that Dibiase didn’t get the bankers’ approval
seeing how he’s currently feuding with
Goldust.
Our next man out is Randy Orton, whose cheers
are deeper than Cena’s fan base. Looks like someone
invested in too much baby oil, no wonder he’s slippery
like a viper…wait what do you mean that’s not why he’s
called that?! Anyway as he enters the ring the
commentators build tension amongst Legacy members as
Orton and Dibiase make eye contact, followed a kiss, and
a nice meal…or maybe just the first part, but you know
there’s tension.
Man number 4 is Triple H, sporting quite the
sympathy weight. Stryker (again) says Triple H has a
‘blood stained relationship with the WWE championship’…I
guess they like it kinky in Connecticut. Even the
water spot gets a pop, that’s right H20 is more over
than Ted Dibiase right now.
Kofi Kingston is contestant number 5, the
odds on favourite…to be eliminated first. One of the
first two combatants, and it’s mentioned how last year
Edge ambushed him and stole his spot…might as well make
it two years running buddy, you’re not winning this one
either.
Out last is our champion Sheamus, I must
mention how much I despise that title design, but at
least the champ makes me feel good about my pasty
complexion – but seriously just over the river from
Ireland, us Brits are not that milky. Over ten
minutes into this legally acquired non YouTube version
of the PPV and we’re only just wrapping up the entrances
as Sheamus shows off the title to each of the wrestlers
in the pods. Cena responds with his ‘You can’t see me’
gesture – silly Cena, it’s see-through, of course he can
see you!
We get straight into the action as the champ
misses a pump kick as Kofi takes charges with some kicks
to the sides. An early cross-body gets a 1-count,
followed by an arm bar, which the Irishman rebuffs with
a knee, uppercuts (European?), and Michael Cole informs
us how the champion has ‘changed the complexion of the
WWE’ at which point the King beats me to the next
Sheamus = pasty joke. Back to the action which is to and
(a)fro or more to the point punches and kicks. The
commentators provide more entertainment by listing off
the achievements of Triple H, Cena, and Orton…you’d be
forgiven for thinking there were only 5 men in this
match. The crowd amuses itself with a Cena/Cena Sucks
chant.
The match is taken to the outside…more
punch-kick loving to be had, where Sheamus breaks the
fun up with a hold! Credit to him, it was a nice looking
Urinage backbreaker which gets a 2-count. The lights go
down for our third competitor, and it’s Triple H. He
shares a stare down with Sheamus, and the crowd pops for
it including a Triple H chant. Meanwhile Kofi takes the
opportunity to catch some rest as Sheamus launches an
attack for all of 5 seconds before the Game breaks out
the traditional high knee, knee drop combo. He then
proceeds to kick the Celt out of the champ in the corner
as Kofi is still resting. As the actions spills to the
outside, Sheamus blocks an attempt to be thrown into the
cage, followed by his attempts blocked by Triple H and
suffers a clothesline back into the ring.
Matt Stryker notes that the Game called this
‘a Chamber of Horrors’…I’ve seen that match, there is no
‘Chair of Torture’ here, or coffins, or a switch which
falls down by itself. Where’s El Gigante, well we know
where he is now, but this was back in February?! No
excuses! Now where was I? Ah, the match. Sheamus has his
finisher blocked as Triple H escapes for a DDT and a
2-count. Kofi, who must’ve been sleeping on the outside
catches both men with a cross body on his way back in,
followed up by a 10 punch in the corner on Sheamus. He
gets psyched up running round the ring, and hits a Boom
Drop on Triple H on the outside, but before he can enjoy
the moment, he gets a clothesline from the champ, which
gets a 2-count.
We get the countdown again and this time the
crowd pops for Orton who goes for Sheamus, beating yet
another mud hole in him, followed by a clothesline for
Triple H. After a little beating on Kofi, he goes back
to his former Evolution buddy with a high knee. HE takes
Sheamus to the outside and introduces him to the steel 3
times, and Triple H comes out for the same treatment.
Kofi jumps out to all of three of them as we get our
first replay of the night. Orton crawls back in the ring
and counters Kofi’s springboard attack with a dropkick,
which admittedly stuns me that it didn’t get a 3-count.
Triple H re-enters the fray as we return to our punching
and kicking, ended soon after by a powerslam reversal by
Orton who then starts his stalking for an RKO attempt.
Another side note, how does pounding your fists on the
floor help with this move?! Apparently it does not, as
Orton is pushed into Kingston’s path, who
misses with a kick. Pedigrees attempt on Orton results
in Triple H is pushed outside the ring. Kofi and Sheamus
make their way round, as not to miss out, as the timer
counts to reveal Ted Dibiase as our next contestant.
He makes his way over to Orton, extending his
hand to help his mentor. Together they work over Triple
H as the King cries foul that it should be ‘every man
for himself’, sorry King, the Rumble was last month!
After this, they turn their attention towards Sheamus,
throwing him into the ring post, and finally they move
onto Kofi. In an amusing spot they try and push Kofi’s
head through the cage…and it goes through! Dibiase then
locks in a Boston Crab that admittedly looks impressive
with the opponents head stuck in the chamber. Back in
the ring where Legacy turn their attention back to
Triple H where Stryker points out there’s never been a
Raw elimination chamber where all 6 men have been in at
once; considering one chamber once featured Batista,
Khali, and Big Daddy V, there’s a damn fine reason for
that! I am also aware that that match was on the Blue
brand, but a half decent musing be
damned!
We return to the match with Triple H bouncing
off the cage, followed by Orton’s DDT through the ropes.
2/3rds of Legacy then proceed to wait outside Cena’s
pod, as he will be our last man out. Naturally once the
countdown is over, Cena comes out fighting, flying
shoulders all round! A facebuster on Dibiase is followed
by a leg drop from the top. He picks him for the AA
catching Orton on the way round, dumping Dibiase
outside, only to follow shortly after as Randy throws
him out for a VERY weak looking bump. Cole is quick to
cover up stating that it looked like Cena fell ‘fairly
lightly’. So lightly in fact that he is able to recover
and throw Orton into the cage/cell/chamber/mortgage
broker.
Cena goes back in the ring to apply the STF
on the other Legacy member but its thwarted by Orton, as
we get a full set as Cody Rhodes runs down to ringside,
lead pipe in tow. After throwing it in the ring, he is
able to watch as his mentor is picked up for the AA and
then walloped on the head with the pipe by Dibiase,
after which Cena is treated to a similar fate. In a
twist that even Ray Charles spotted, Dibiase pins Orton
for the 3 count whilst Cody looks on nervously. Sheamus
decides that this is a good time to awaken by pouncing
on Ted for all of 5 seconds before falling on the floor,
all the while Randy looks on with a look of confusion,
or betrayal, I’m not sure, I find him bland and
unemotional at best.
Back to the action where Sheamus drags what’s
left of Kofi into the ropes where the mauling is
reversed into a flip over the ropes – oh Kofi! You’re
Jamaican me dizzy!…well it was worth a try. Trouble in
Paradise out of nowhere
on Dibiase and he’s out of there! His moment in the sun
lasted long…about as long as Kingston’s, whom
Sheamus catches with a Pump Kick. Razor’s Edge for the
3-count. 3 down, 3 to go, and we’re left with multi-time
WWE champions Triple H and John Cena, and our current
champion Sheamus; one of these is not like the others –
that’s right, it’s Cena, because he’s
black.
Speaking of the Doctor of Thuganomics,
Sheamus kicks him around, only to be caught in an AA
attempt, which in turn is reversed into a backbreaker by
our pasty white champ. A powerslam by Sheamus for a
2-count results in high-pitched cheers for Cena’s
survival. Sheamus ties him up in a tree of woe and digs
Cena in the ribs with a few knees, pulling him up for a
transition into…actually I’m not sure what his finisher
is called. Using the source of all knowledge, Wikipedia
it’s called a few things – I’ll go with Celtic Cross,
yeh he picks Cena up for it but all that ‘research’ was
for nought as Triple H recovers to deliver a low blow.
Feel free to insert your own lucky charms joke here. A
pedigree later and we’re down to two, and a new champion
will be crowned – Cena or Triple H, and somewhere the
internet cries a little for the choice they’ve been left
with, personally these two don’t offend me too much,
then again, I found Simon Dean an amusing character so
perhaps I’m not a good judgement of
tolerance.
Anyway there’s a match going on and in less
time than it took me to type that last distraction Cena
has locked in the STFU, whilst Hunter wriggles around in
desperation to escape. Cole shouts out at least four
times that he’s got to get onto his back to escape the
hold in less than a minute…we get it…we got it the first
time…unfortunately for the Game, he didn’t as a nice
visual of him clawing for the ropes is followed by him
tapping out, John Cena is the new champion! No booing
audible, so an improvement!
Winner and new WWE Champion: John
Cena
Overall the match was good but a little
lagging at times where the rest spots took a little too
long. A couple of nice spots including the Boston Crab
on Kofi whilst his head was stuck through the cage. It’s
hard to rate this match in the same fashion as a regular
match but it was indeed enjoyable, even if at the end,
each elimination came quicker than a CM Punk push comes
and goes.
Before John Cena can enjoy his moment, the
cage rises and the music of Mr McMahon hits the arena as
he waddles out much like a man with crap in his pants,
but hey he’s wealthy, has Divas at his disposal, and
basically gets to make his employees do whatever he
wants to…perhaps we should all start walking like that.
He congratulates Cena on making it to the main event for
WrestleMania, that is if he can win his match, right
now;
WWE Champion
John Cena vs.
Batista
The Animal makes his way to the ring with a
smile on his face, quickly wiped off by a staggering
Cena, who connects with a right hook. The reply is a
killer spear followed by a Batista Bomb. A 3-count and
we have another new champion!
Winner and new WWE Champion:
Batista
Remember when someone held a belt for longer
than a week? As much as the spear looked good, I get
cranky when titles change hands like this. When the
Warrior creamed the Honky Tonk Man in a minute at
Summerslam ’88 it announced him to the wrestling world
as a new star, what Batista did here was unnecessary,
and with hindsight, seeing as this was to be the title
match at WrestleMania, why not just build up the feud
with the Animal chasing the champ? I’d like to say this
will be the only time I’ll appear to be jaded and behind
the times, but I fear it wont be for this review. A
squash is a squash, can’t recommend one, not at this
level anyway.
As our new champ
leaves, Cena crawls towards the rope, grasping at thin
air in the direction of the WrestleMania banner, poor
John, with his money, fame, and endless supplies of
merchandise. As he leaves the ring, a small chant
begins, more looking at the banner, and he walks up the
ramp to end our first match (and a half) of the
evening.
WrestleMania ad, and I shudder as they show a
clip from the Diva’s battle royal – Santino = comedy,
and occasionally a good storyline, Santina = pain.
Back to the show, where the commentators talk
over the reasoning of the last match, referencing the
Bret Hart saga, where he finally returned only to
receive a nut shot from McMahon. I told you that guy
could do anything. Raw highlights now, my recap will be
much shorter – Bret’s farewell, Cena’s pep talk, car’s
reversing, Ambulance sirens.
Next match! It will be for the
Intercontinental title as Drew MacIntyre enters first.
Either the sound quality has gone funny or the crowd
don’t give a crap for him as he makes his way to the
ring. For the record, being English doesn’t mean I must
root my fellow Brit, especially if he continues to lack
any charisma, and considering his opponent is Kane, I’m
not confident he’ll win me over. Point of interest,
isn’t the challenger supposed to come out first?!
WWE
Intercontinental Champion Drew MacIntyre vs.
Kane
The ring posts flare as Kane enters and we
begin with the challenger missing a few rights, as
MacIntyre looks to get an early advantage, stopped
quickly by an uppercut. A low dropkick gets a 1-count.
Headlock takedown by Kane as Stryker breaks out a stat;
20% of Intercontinental champions have gone on to be
inducted into the Hall of Fame – I wonder if the likes
of Jeff Jarrett and Chyna hold onto that stat as hope.
Another takedown by the Big Red Machine and I want to
pretend I can’t see them discussing their match plan as
a swinging neckbreaker by Kane distracts me and gets a
2-count. He misses a charge in the corner as the champ
hits a few short clotheslines, before Kane treats him to
one of his own. A missed back elbow leads to work on the
leg, for all of two seconds, reason be damned! Drew
charges in the corner only to be lifted over, catch
himself on the apron, and yank Kane’s arm over the ropes
as he drops to the floor. So now it appears he will work
on the arm instead!
When the action returns to the ring Kane gets
backed into a corner but fights out with some right
hooks only for the momentum to be stopped by an
armbreaker that barely registers a 1-count. Armbar now
as King offers up his crown should this rest hold be
successful! The challenger gets up and manages to push
MacIntyre over the ropes to break the hold. Didn’t look
the smoothest of landings but he’s back in the ring soon
enough, avoiding a back bodydrop, delivering another
armbreaker, and another 1-count. Back to the armbar as
Kane rallies, whipping his opponent into the ropes only
to be caught with a big boot! Did not see that one
coming.
A reversal on a Future Shock attempt and a
big boot for Kane to regain the advantage although as
soon as I’ve written that it becomes time for MacIntyre
to dictate, until he goes up top, and like most people
who face Kane, the end result is a uppercut counter.
Irish whip and side slam for 2. Top rope time for Kane
as he connects with a flying clothesline. He signals for
a chokeslam but MacIntyre escapes, rolling to the apron,
but is caught and thrown into the ring post. Kane joins
his prey on the apron and boots him off to the floor.
One headshot into the stairs later and we’re back in the
ring as MacIntyre begs off only to get a kick to the
face as a response. Rolling to the outside, he draws the
boos of the crowd who do not like the idea of a count
out finish. A punch to the face prevents Kane from
taking the Scot back into the ring straight away, but a
headbutt means he will have his bonny (check your
history books folks, its all relevant) backside thrown
back in. Another chokeslam attempt is backed into the
ropes, where the ref has to intervene, which allows
MacIntyre to stick a thumb in the challenger’s eye. With
the Big Red Machine reeling, the champ hits the Future
Shock DDT and retains his title.
Winner and still Intercontinental Champion:
Drew MacIntyre
As he leaves, Kane sells the eye injury more
than anything else he received during that match. The
commentators mention how this means MacIntyre remains
undefeated…in the same way his opponent is no longer a
rapist, necrophiliac, monster with severe arsonist
tendencies. Despite these oversights, this match
surprised me as I was expecting a slower pace and
dreaded the worse when the armbars where being put into
practice early on. MacIntyre didn’t help himself by
working on the arm, then the leg, then the arm, and then
nothing, but this match could’ve been a lot worse.
We cut to the back where Maryse is catching
up with Gail Kim. She speaks in French only to offer to
translate it into English straight away – why bother
with the French then woman?! The twist – Gail Kim
understands her, and cuts down her opponent about the
continental crap she’s been chatting. Which leads nicely
into our next match;
WWE Diva’s
Title Tournament Finals: Maryse vs. Gail
Kim
Maryse comes out first as Stryker and King
drool over her. The chatter of lonely middle aged men
continues as Gail Kim comes out, and don’t get wrong,
there’s nothing wrong with these ladies, it’s just I
have to call this match whilst the commentators dribble
and babble more so than usual. It also doesn’t help that
the belt they’re fighting for looks like a Barbie
accessory. There have been good woman’s matches in my
time, I would like to hope this will be one of them but
as soon as I’ve had this thought a familiar screech can
be heard – it’s Vickie Guerrero. She complains about all
the smack-talk the Raw Divas have been giving the
Smackdown Divas, turning this title match into what I
feared – a tag match. Out come Lay-Cool and out goes my
hope of a decent match. The things us rookies must
endure!
Divas Tag
Match: Gail Kim and Maryse vs. Michelle McCool and
Layla
First racist joke of the evening as Matt
Stryker notes how you can watch one Gail Kim match, and
have room for another 20 minutes later…I wonder if he
told those kinds of jokes in his classroom.
Gail Kim and Layla to start off, arm drags,
and wrist locks to start, and as Gail Kim makes her
towards Maryse for a tag, her partner ignores it and
this distraction allows Layla to escape the hold and
pull off a nifty small package for a 2-count. Lots of
shouting and kicking from one half of Lay-Cool as a
charge meets nothing but turnbuckle, but a distraction
by Maryse to her team mate means Michelle McCool is able
to kick Gail Kim off the turnbuckle. Tag in to Mrs
‘Taker, and a double baseball slide by Lay-Cool to keep
Kim on the outside for longer. McCool bangs the head of
Gail Kim on the apron, and most likely many watching at
home are doing similar things as these ladies fight.
Chinlock applied to the Korean-Canadian-American? The
Smackdown Divas take the time to applaud themselves as
my attention span wanes, but Gail Kim gets the action
going again with a flying clothesline. Both women are
down, and Maryse is stretching her arm out for the hot
tag only to withdraw and pie-face her partner, who turns
around and eats a boot from McCool. One Styles Clash
later and we have our winners, who taunt the fallen Kim,
and leave the ring allowing Maryse to get her moment of
bragging.
Winners: Michelle McCool and
Layla
Well, it wasn’t a car wreck but a singles
match might have been better. This match could’ve been
done on Raw or Smackdown but instead we get it on a
PPV.
Ad for NXT, that’ll never take off…. although
I find irony that the rookies are still employed whilst
Carlito is not. We got backstage for more NXT talk …your
PPV money at work folks! On a positive note, he’s here
talking to the Miz. I won’t lie; I’m a fan of this guy.
I find it a crime he isn’t on the front of the European
version of the new game. I’d like to think I see
potential early, I did with Brock Lesnar, and I did with
Batista. I however, did the same with Mr Kennedy and it
never panned out. I’ll wait until he wins the title
before I break out the Miz love.
Miz is asked about his rookie – Daniel Bryan.
He dismisses him despite his Internet following and Indy
Success, comparing him to a sci-fi nerd, and he even
manages to throw in a dig at the St. Louis Rams. Despite
the NFL playing in London recently, we don’t do American
Football, hell after the World Cup I’m not sure we do
any kind of football. For the record however, go Titans!
Before Miz can finish his interview M.V.P interrupts,
mentioning his victory over him on Raw, meaning we’ll be
getting ourselves a U.S title match
tonight.
Back to ringside where fellow Brit William
Regal makes his way to ringside but not in his wrestling
gear which means more NXT talk – could this not be done
on Raw? The crowd shares my sentiment as they break into
a ‘WHAT?’ chant. He’s demanding to be treated with
respect – dude you’re going to be on NXT it’s not going
to happen, just be glad you’re not being asked to marry
your rookie or anything…
Anyway, interruption ahoy! It’s Edge. Face
Edge lacks a certain something that makes me care about
him and I have to complain that the Royal Rumble winner,
who will be in a main event at WrestleMania, is not
actually in a match in the build-up PPV to the biggest
of the year! This is a Raw segment at best, and in fact
Edge encourages us to watch Raw tomorrow night to find
out who he will choose to face (Hint; it won’t be
Batista). He spears Regal to end an unnecessary segment
and after another WrestleMania package we move onto our
next match;
WWE U.S
Title Champion The Miz vs. M.V.P
My boy the Miz, accompanied by the Big Show,
M.V.P accompanied by Mark Henry, who looks very much
like a mascot for a certain drink…cue stealing someone
else’s hard worked Photoshop. They show Raw highlights
of M.V.P pinning the United States champ whilst Cole
mentions how M.V.P posts online, someone should tell
Matt Hardy to do the same, the Internet could do wonders
for his career.
Bell rings, they face off, Miz jaws off, so
MVP attempts to slap said jaw off. An aggressive start
with knees to the gut, and an overhead belly-to-belly
suplex. Whilst the Miz takes a breather on the outside,
the commentators begin comparing M.V.P’s former jailbird
lifestyle to that of Tiger Woods’ recent extramarital
affairs...not quite the same thing, I don’t think M.V.P
had the same options of women where he was
staying.
The Big Show can be heard cheering on the
champ, and between him and Mark Henry, the world of
cheerleading is looking decisively fat. Flying forearm
by the challenger leads into a rest hold, at which point
things slow down. Heels should use this spot, it allows
the crowd to get behind their guy, and rally them to
overcome the odds. When a face uses a weak looking rest
hold, it just looks like they’re out of ideas. Rant
over, and if I get the chance to write again, I’ll try
to be more positive!
Miz gets out of the hold, throwing M.V.P into
the turnbuckle and catching him in the gut with his
knees. More pimping of NXT by the commentators, as King
notes how Daniel Bryan may know more about wrestling
then the United States champion, the internet rejoices a
little at that one. Speaking of which, the Miz misses a
kick, and ends up in a small package, but only for a
2-count, and the challenger gets a kick in the face for
not getting up quick enough after the attempt. Makes you
think, if he had quicker reaction times, he might not
have ended up in prison!
This kick gets a lazy 2-count and sets up a
scene similar to M.V.P’s roll-up from last week’s Raw
but it doesn’t succeed this time, and the jailbird gets
another kick in the face for his slow reaction times.
Some cocky kicks from the champ are ended by a swinging
right from M.V.P and I realise Mark Henry has added
nothing to this match so far, not even a menacing look!
As soon as I’ve said this, he starts scratching his head
as he watches his partner get taken down with a
clothesline – you earn that paycheque!
We see how a rest hold should be done as Miz
holds down his opponent with a chinlock which is turned
into an electric chair drop, followed by a bridge pin
for 2. Somehow Miz still has control of the match after
this, hitting a DDT and going back to the hold, which
gets an M.V.P chant going – see told you it works.
Trademark clothesline in the corner as Miz’s attempt to
go up top end with M.V.P jumping to the ropes, altering
a few things down under for the champ. Superplex attempt
by the challenger is blocked with headbutts resulting in
the Miz being opened up by his own counter, and it gets
worse as M.V.P is straight back up for the top rope
belly-to-belly. Time for some ballin’ and feel free to
add your own prison rape joke there, which gets a
2-count, and like the Worm, should NEVER get the win.
Big Show pulls his partner out the ring only
for Mark Henry to attack, charging at his foe only to
get nothing but barricade as the World’s Strongest Man
crashes through. Back in the ring and despite his
partners’ problems, M.V.P has control of the match,
until he misses a Yakuza kick in the corner, where the
Big Show sneaks in a knockout punch allowing a 3-count
for the Miz…because he’s awesome, and I allowed one mark
moment during the review.
Winner and still United States Champion: The
Miz
In a strange moment we see the trainer
attending to Miz’s busted head, it’s almost as if they
don’t want too much blood on the WWE
programming…Conspiracies aside, this was an O.K match,
which didn’t really get going in my
opinion.
Our attention is turned to earlier events in
the evening – Legacy’s actions, and Batista’s impromptu
title win. And now it’s time for our main event, the
Smackdown Elimination Chamber, or as it should be known
– ‘Who Edge will face at Wrestlemania.’
WWE
World Heavyweight Champion The Undertaker vs. Chris
Jericho vs. C. M. Punk vs. Rey Mysterio vs. John
Morrison vs.
R-Truth
Rey Mysterio first, looking like one of the
Emperor Palpatine’s guards who was too short to make the
final cut of Return of the Jedi. John Morrison is number
2, slow motion and all. Stryker is back on form by
informing us this is Morrison’s chance to shed his
innocence. WTF?! Jericho is third, Cole points out how
Jericho won his first world title in this arena, and we
all remember how well that run went. Our final man in
the pods is the current champ, the Undertaker. Half an
hour later he makes it to the ring, I manage to fulfil a
British stereotype by making a cup of tea during this
entrance. C. M. Punk is next out, and has a few words
for us. Much like when he preached during the Rumble, I
enjoy heel Punk, straightedge works better when you
appear better than everyone else.
R-Truth is our final entrant to start the
match with Punk and no one gains real control until the
match spills outside. Firstly we get a catapult from
Truth sending Punk into the chamber wall, followed by
the straightedge saviour being hurled into it as well.
Truth goes up top and cannonballs into his path meaning
we’ve had nearly as many bumps in this match as we did
in our last chamber match. The action goes back into the
ring where missed finisher attempts eventually leads to
a stiff kick by Punk, a GTS and we already have our
first elimination!
With his spare moments Punk has fund a mic
and begins telling the Undertaker how he better wish
he’s out last. He urges us the viewers to touch the
screen, and as I feel the urge to abstain from alcohol,
I remember just how many drinks I might be bought at my
wedding in a couple of weeks – sobriety be damned!
Countdown interrupts our sermon and Mysterio is out.
High-flying offence gets a 2-count. A 619 attempt is
stopped by a powerslam but a failed GTS is turned into a
hurricanrana pin, which everyone including myself
expected a 3-count of.
Great spot on the outside as Punk catches
another hurricanrana attempt and swings Mysterio twice
into the chamber. It only gets a 2-count however as
Mysterio is higher up the food chain than Truth. Some
fighting on the turnbuckle leads to yet another
hurricanrana as Punk lands outside, and rolls back into
a top rope splash meaning we wont see Punk vs. ‘Taker
tonight.
The countdown is nicely times with that
elimination to give us Jericho who ends up knocked on
his ass right away but a clothesline changes the mood.
Jericho rolls out the ring as Mysterio jumps outside
meeting nothing but cage. Back in the ring, Mysterio
manages to lock in a Dragon Sleeper! He does however
look like a child hugging his half naked parent and I’ll
leave you with that disturbing image as Jericho reverses
the hold into the Walls. 10-count means John Morrison
will be joining us as the action spills outside with
Morrison kicking a highflying Rey. The favour is
returned when Mysterio pushes the turnbuckle-bound John
into a pod making a nice sound. Our high-spot tally goes
up as Morrison connects with a flying kick to Jericho
who was in the midst of a wheelbarrow/bulldog attempt by
Mysterio.
Split-legged moonsault on Rey gets a
2-count…holy crap it got a 3 count! Was not expecting
that. So that leaves Jericho, Morrison, and the
Undertaker waiting patiently inside his pod, but not for
long as he enters with Jericho running into his fists
and getting a snake-eyes/big boot combo. A double
chokeslam attempt is turned into a double suplex as
Morrison is dumped outside so Jericho can turn his
attention to the champ. An ill-advised slap to the face
leads to the amusing sight of Jericho attempting to hide
in a pod, but to no avail as Taker pounds the crap out
of him. Before the Deadman can feed on the youth on John
Morrison however, the superstar hits Taker with another
of his springboard kicks. But rather than going for a
pin, he goes for another moonsault which meets nothing
but knees.
Jericho starts to make his way back into the
ring, only for the Undertaker to rise back up, scaring
the former Y2J back into his pod, more successfully this
time. Morrison is thrown out of the ring to set up for a
powerbomb when Jericho decides now is the time to make a
move pushing Taker into the cage whilst the former ECW
champ clings onto the cage for dear life, waiting to
drop on Jericho. Shining wizard gets a 2-count in the
ring, but John turns round and catches a chokeslam to
the outside, with Taker dragging him back in for the
pin, and we’re down to two.
Big Undertaker/Y2J chant going down as
Jericho once again runs into some fists where MMA skills
are apparently is part of mortuary training. Taker
misses a boot in the corner allowing Jericho to set up a
superplex, but only one person gets to pin Mr McCool for
3 and Y2J doesn’t have the breasts for it. The next
minute is spent between Walls of Jericho attempts and
Hell’s Gate…oh WWE, you teases! Stupid move next as
Jericho climbs the turnbuckle to give the champ ten
punches that as we all know leads to the Last Ride. As
we get the signal for the Tombstone, Shawn Michaels
manages to make his way into the chamber. One Sweet Chin
Music later, we have ourselves a WrestleMania feud and a
new world champ!
Winner and new World Champion: Chris
Jericho
HBK stares down at Taker as the new champ
makes his way up the ramp clutching his title, and
that’s how we leave this one
folks!
This chamber match was definitely better than
the first, with more action going on, and the ending
worked well, as I’m sure fans were looking forward to
Michaels/Taker II. John Morrison was made to look good,
whilst R-Truth ring entrance seemed to last longer than
his in-ring time!
Overall – Admittedly I have not watched a PPV in a
while, but this one was entertaining minus the NXT crap
and the so-so Divas tag match. Both chambers were fine,
but the Raw one was too choppy. Kane/MacIntyre wasn’t as
bad as I expected, whereas Miz/MVP wasn’t as good as I
would’ve hoped. Overall, I’d Give Elimination Chamber
2010 a thumbs
up.
WELCOME TO
