THE TWF RANT CHALLENGE VOTES HAVE BEEN COUNTED.
(By the same people who counted them for Al Gore in 2000. [Sorry about
that.]). And no amount of hanging Chads (whoever that guy is) is going
to postpone our announcing of our winner.
And with that said, apparently one quarter of TWF readers were more enamored with a product where ITS owner had the good sense to actually film its female talent having hardcore sex, instead of just turning a blind eye to it while certain VPs of Talent Relations convinced certain doe-eyed potential divas that fame and fortune actually lay somewhere between his fly and his skateboard-covered boxers.
HERE ARE THE OFFICIAL RESULTS:
that, we here at TWF would like to congratulate ALL the Rookies on their
great efforts. We know how difficult writing PPV Rants can be, and well,
that's why no one fucking does them anymore. So, thanks. And we're sorry.
And speaking of being sorry (and not just because our attorneys said it would be in our best interests like all those other times), we have come to the truly tough part. The time to say goodbye. As a result of the last 3 challenges, those outcomes have now been averaged and put into rankings, and here is how they stand (or sit, if you're like me; a fucking lazy piece of shit.):
And as a result of these standings, I'm afraid we're
going to say goodbye to Riggs Murtagh. We hardly knew you. Probably
because that's not your real name, but hey, whatever. We truly appreciate
your work, effort and presence here at TWF, Riggs, and as a parting
gift, we have sent you a series of giant, brawny, German bodyguards
and one cruel Asian wet-sponge torturer to kill you in honor of your
pseudonym. (It was that or place a bomb in your toilet.)
Anyway, as for the Rankings themselves, they will be continued to be determined by averaging challenge results until we only have three Rookies left. At that point, the TWF Crab Nebula and our Pros will then each determine 50% of the final vote, and a WINNER will be crowned. So stay tuned! (Our next elimination will transpire in two weeks.)