1) Which darkside power
does Undertaker not possess?
a) The ability to come up with a rational explanation
to his wife and children as to why they had to suddenly relocate from sunny Houston to uninhabitable Death
b) The ability to re-grow hair.
c) The ability to do more than one job by pinfall
d) All of the above.
Answer is D) ALL OF THE ABOVE! It's true. Undertaker's
hairline has yet to resuscitate itself like he himself does every six months or so, (so much for hair growing after you're
dead). He also almost never does clean pinfalls, and he did kind of move he and the Fam back to Death Valley
for no reason from their sweet set-up in Houston. When Sara heard the news she said "He's a fucking Deadman!" And he
is. It was really awkward.
2) What vile substance
was found on Katie Vick's person, post-mortem?
a) the pipin' hot love seed of
b) JR's BBQ sauce
c) YJ Stinger energy drink
Answer is A. As much as I'd like to say Hulkamania, which has
caused much more destruction worldwide, the *real* answer is Kane's magma-like semen. It's a miracle Lita ever got
pregnant by it in 2004. I blame the fact her vagina is as deep as a volcano, and thus the lava had time to cool and harden
before it got deep enough to do any real damage.
3) Which catchphrase is most associated
with Triple H?
a) "I'm that damn good!"
b) "I'm the King of Kings!"
c) "I'm the diamond in this business!"
d) "Man, maybe I should leave some
breathing room or something in this hole. The mid-card might suffocate under that much dirt."
e) All of the above.
Answer: E. He has as many catchphrases as there are tag
teams for him to simultaneously pin for no reason.
4) Why is Hulk Hogan bald?
a) He has inoperable locker room cancer.
b) All the fish in the Atlantic Ocean
ate away his remaining locks whilst he dog-paddled Donald Trump and 18,000 others in the Trump Plaza to safety in 1988.
c) Genetics, Dude.
Answer: C. Genetics, Dude. He inherited that hairline, bruther.
That and the inborn need to pick up fat people and launch them through the air.
To Rob Van Dam, the "Super Bowl" is
a) The championship game of the NFL.
b) The biggest bong you've ever seen
in your life.
Answer: B.The biggest bong you've ever seen in your life. DUUUUUUUUUUDE.
6) The original ECW's credo
was "This is Extreme!"; *New* ECW's credo is:
a) A New breed unleashed!
b) A New Breed released! Or at the
most, ignored completely.
c) This is Extreme...disappointment.
d) Fuck You Paul Heyman. Love, Steph.
e) All of the Above.
Answer is E, All of the Above. This
7) Wrestlemania is:
A) Where memories are indelibly etched
into the annals of time.
b) Where you only existed if your
last name isn't Benoit or umm, Macho Man Savage?
c) The showcase of the Immortals!
d) The showcase of people clearly not
immortal, because they kind of still died anyway, despite WWE's bold claims.
e) 50 dollars to see someone I care
about tap out to John Cena.
f) All of the Above!
Answer is F. Although, I still don't know who this alleged Benoit
8) The Smackdown "Fist" actually
a) The manner in which Johnny Ace
hires prospective Divas.
b) The iron fist of Vince McMahon
desperately fighting against any and all change.
c) One giant shiny silver dude with obvious anger
and self-control issues.
d) None of the Above. You're clearly drunk, Sean.
Answer is D. NONE OF THE ABOVE. Sadly. And I have
the ulcerated liver to prove it.
9)The Punjabi Prison is:
a) Made of Solid steel...bamboo
b) India's inescapable correctional
facility!...unless you know how to umm, climb.
c) Great Khali's specialty!...even
though he's only had like 1.
d) The only place Batista has ever
e) Yes to all.
Answer is E. Yes to All. And I patiently await
the day Umaga gets a cage made entirely out of Grass. You know, much like the penal system of his home country
of Blah, Blah, Samoa is. You know, if only to hear Michael Cole oversell it. "That GRASS IS UNFORGIVING. I asked it
to accept my apology earlier, and it flat out said "no". It tears flesh! Ok, it just kinda leaves stains on flesh. But
it's damn hard to wash them out! Especially on jeans. It also needs to be mowed all the time. It's
a real pain. And the worst part is Rob Van Dam keeps trying to roll it up in a giant carpet and light it on fire. This
match is anarchy!"
10) What can break the Masterlock?:
a) Bobby Lashley.
b) A well timed mandatory drug
c) Hurtful comments about dropping 40
pounds of muscle-tone in 6 weeks.
d) All of the above.
Answer is D. All of the Above. Any choice is true. So,
if you ever find yourself in a spontaneous full nelson, ask him if that Indian dude from Thinner put a curse on him,
or say that you just saw a guy in the back walking around in a white coat with a beaker and a plastic
cup. You'll be free just like that.
11) Rene Dupree possesses the ability
to wrestle a match without a full erection:
Answer is B. ERECT IS CORRECT. And completely horrifying. Quick,
someone give Koko B. Ware a call and see if he has any of those High Energy pants he can donate to Rene. We'd really appreciate
12) What phrase is best associated
with Jerry "The King" Lawler?
b) "Do you have both contacts in the same eye,
c) "Put your bike in the garage, and meet me
in the bedroom."
d) All of the Above.
Answer is D. You'd think that if Lawler really held any
power as a monarch, he'd make a decree to lower the age of consent to 14. Just saying.
13) Which completely stupid WWE-style
hyperbole nickname for Hell in a Cell is actually a "real" description?
a) "Satan's Spa of Pain and suffering".
b) "Beelzebub's Bed & Breakfast".
c) "Screwtape's House of Pancakes".
d) "Legion's Chapeau Emporium".
Answer is A. Satan's Spa of Pain and Suffering. Stay away from
the Facials. They feel like dying.
14) What is the only object Mark Henry
CANNOT tear in half?
a) Frying pan.
b) Telephone book.
d) An apparently never-ending 10 year contract.
Answer is D. That contract is indestructible. Even if Patch
Henry himself isn't.
15) Which of the following scenario's is most
likely to transpire first?
a) John Cena loses a World Title clean in the center
of the ring.
b) Stephanie McMahon concocts a complex, deep and
brilliant storyline idea.
c) Kevin Nash executes a 720 splash.
d) Jesus smites Satan and his minions with a flaming
sword and Earth as we know it ceases to exist.
Answer is D. Biblical Armageddon will transpire before you
ever see any of those other things. And maybe sooner than you think. God's not been the same guy since Vince jobbed
him out at Backlash. The 7th Seal has already been broken. You may have seen the first of the ramifications at No
Mercy where HHH won his 11th world title. Repent now. It's not too late~!
Reviews for Smackdown Vs. RAW 2008 forthcoming! Maybe more free stuff! Stay