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Now Updated:
ENDGAME DVD REVIEW, or: "OUR WOMEN HAVE 7 ORIFICES, BUT ONLY 1 ANGLE"
(02/11/11) Join Catherine Perez as she dives right into Kurt Angle's 2009 cinematic masterpiece, ENDGAME, where the term "Angle Slam" guarantees anal prolapse and certain death. Click HERE to read more!

Now Updated:
50+ Random Star Wars lines you can use in the middle of sex to hilarious results.
(01/26/11) Even though no dialogue written by George Lucas could ever possibly lead to any kind of sex (Chicks don't ever really seem to respond to the subtle romance of being compared to tiny rocks in the desert, go figure), many of the random lines uttered in the Original & New trilogies, like most things, can still be sexually misconstrued. We have compiled a list of said phrases for your amusement/horror. Click HERE to read them all!

Now Updated:
MOVIE REVIEW: FRIDAY THE 13TH (2009)
(02/13/09) It's Friday the 13th, the best feel-good "overcoming-your disability" film since I Am Sam and Forrest Gump! Join Sean Carless, as he breaks down the only movie franchise where not only do teenagers keep camping on the same murder site, they keep showing up on the same exact day as all the past murders took place! What, can't wait an extra week to roast marshmallows, assholes? Holy shit. Click HERE to read Sean's insane review!

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Now Updated: (08/29/ 08) Dr. Gonzo's ACERBIC TREATS: ENTERTAINMENT EDITION! That's right, the good Doctor returns with yet another edition of Acerbic Treats! Featuring , Dark Knight Review, Rants on IPHONES and more! It's a total mixed-bag of Entertainment goodness, and who knows more about mixed bags than TWF's resident Pharmacist, Doctor Gonzo?   Click HERE to check out the latest edition of the *all new* Acerbic Treats!


   

Now Updated: (RETRO-REVIEW: BLOODSPORT~! (07/08/08)

Join Sean Carless as he travels back to 1988 to look at Jean-Claude Van Damme's cinematic masterpiece: BLOODSPORT! Academy Award nominee in the category of throwin' wheel kicks in slow motion, baby! It's Frank Dux's real-life story of competing in the Kumite! The only tournament where after surviving death and grievous injury, one man earns a sword and a plane ticket back to obscurity! Sweet deal.  Click HERE to read Sean's full insane review!


Now Updated: (05/16/08) THIS JUST IN~!: GUESS WHO'S CAPTAIN AMERICA?

With all the success of the Iron Man movie at the Box Office, Studios are looking to adapt fellow Avenger team-mate Captain America to the Big Screen. You know who they have pegged to play the role? No? Well, it'd be coooooler if ya did! Join Sean Carless for a brief (and stupid) look at the very latest on Caps adaptation to the big screen! Click HERE to read!


Now Updated: (03/27/08)
GETTING TO KNOW YOUR JOES: A Look At The Upcoming Live-Action Film, And An Educational Introduction Into A Phenomenon Greater Than You Or Anything You Could Ever Accomplish.

There's a live-action adaptation of G.I. JOE brewing,  just ignore the part where none of the soldiers in question are old enough to legitimately join the Military! Join me, Sean Carless, as I break down some of the news and rumors of this film, and question why half these Joe's would be better off fucking body surfing on the O.C, (JOE.C.?).  From there, I then take you back to the 80's and break down some of the most forgettable/terrible GI JOE figures ever! It's a huge clusterfuck of a crash course in all things Joe! Click HERE to check it out!


Now Updated: (01/05/08)  OCEANS OF HURT: THE PLIGHT OF AQUAMAN: THE WORLD'S MOST UNRELIABLE SUPER-HERO.

Originally written in early 2003, before everyone and their brother jumped on the Anti-Aquaman bandwagon, Sean Carless took a look at perhaps the world's most unreliable Super-Hero: Aquaman! Crime by Sea? Aquaman is the right man for the job. Umm, everywhere else? Not so much. Click HERE to read Sean's quick take on one of D.C.'s most mocked and misunderstood superheroes~!
 


Now Updated: (11/21/07)
GAME REVIEW: SMACKDOWN VS. RAW 2008~!
 

Sean Carless returns with a full review for THQ's SMACKDOWN VS. RAW 2008! Now featuring CLASSIC ECW. Tables! Fire! Fans with weapons! The terrible awkward dancing of Kelly Kelly! Ok, maybe just the first parts. All in all, THQ delivered a pretty solid little game for us Rasslin' nuts! Well, so long as you play the matches on mute. Dear God. It ain't ballet, you know! All this, plus Screenshots, and random Carless-esque buffoonery! Click HERE to read!


Now Updated: (07/20/07)
RETRO REVIEW: TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE (1986).

Sean Carless presents a *brand new* Retro-Review of the *original* TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE! The film that gave more small children nightmares than any film I can remember. And that's just one reason to love it!. Ahem. Click HERE to read!

Now Updated: (03/23/07)
Why Television Sucks.
In lieu of TV being a completely barren wasteland of bullshit lately, Evil Canadian Mastermind Remy FINALLY provides us with an ALTERNATIVE! That's right,  some brand-spankin' new potential programming to spice up the forthcoming TV season! Click HERE to read all about it!


Now Updated: (01/26/07)
SURFS UP, PANTS DOWN? AN EXPOSE INTO THE EXPOSED GENITALIA OF SILVER SURFER?

Join Sean Carless as he goes where no man would ever go, unless he's from the village, the "groinal region" of Silver Surfer! Just what's up with Surfer's omnipresent galactic scrotum being visible in the new Fantastic Four Movie? Your guess is as good as ours, because Sean just makes some stupid jokes.  Hey, what'd you expect? Click HERE to read!


Now Updated: (10/19/06)
Top 10 WORST Movie Adaptations EVER!

Sean Carless takes a look at the worst of the worst in films adapted from comic books, video games, and cartoons with The Top 10 WORST Movie Adaptations EVER! From super hero costumes adorned with strange rubber nipples, to He-Man hobnobbing with Monica from Friends, just which cinematic stinkbomb drove Sean to the brink of insanity and ultimately came in at number one? Click HERE to find out!


Now Updated: (09/10/06)
PARODY: SURI CRUISE REVEALED~!

TWF *EXCLUSIVE* For months the world didn't give a fuck err, I mean wondered when and where the alleged offspring of "TomKat" would be revealed to the world, and just how long it would be before the child denounced all forms of medication and debunked current psychiatric practices. Ahem.  In any event, Vanity Fair finally published said photos, proving that yes, Tom Cruise has indeed made love to a woman, at least once.  Or DID THEY? Join Sean Carless as he blows the lid of this story, and provides alternative "photographic" proof of the child in question! Click HERE to read!


Now Updated: (12/17/05)
Peter Jackson's King Kong.
Cameron Burge looks at Peter Jackson's homage to the Big Ape. No Animatronic monkeys were harmed in the making of this review. Click HERE to read!


Now Updated: (03/04/05)
Retro Review: G.I. Joe The Movie!
Sean Carless breaks out the nostalgia time machine for a ridiculous look at 1987's cult classic: G.I. Joe The Movie!
Click HERE to read.

Updated: Dr. Gonzo's *Exclusive* update on yet Another George Lucas "prequel":  "Dude, Where's My Whip?" (01/01/05) Click HERE to read!

Updated: Sean Carless's *exclusive* interview with George Lucas! 10/17/04 Click HERE to read!

 Updated: Harry Simon looks at VH1’S 40 GREATEST CELEBRITY FEUDS! Click HERE to read!


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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).