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TOP 5 biggest character flaws of faces today

by Malcolm Not in the Middle


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There's been a definite change with faces from when I was a kid. You could tell who were the good guys and who were the bad guys really easily. You didn't need an explanation why the Million Dollar Man was an asshole. There was no "split crowd" when Hulk Hogan came out. The Hennan Family were all heels. Guys like Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Hillbilly Jim, and Jake Roberts were good guys. Yeah, landscape was definitely a lot more clear in those days.

Nowadays however… yeah not so much. The top face in WWE is John Cena, a man I have really yet to hear the audience ever get more than 65% behind him. Hell, I've seen the crowds boo him out of the fucking building. WWE tries to cover it up by saying "He's just controversial." No, he just sucks at being a face. In fact, faces in general nowadays suck. More often then not, they're actually more villainous then the heels they're fighting. I mean, I love it when a heel turn has a story behind it, but do I have to sympathize with every heel more than the face who's out to defeat them? Is it really this hard to do a good face?! Hogan did it fine for years, and he's an asshole!

Which brings me to this week's Top 5! in which I rundown the biggest character flaws of faces today. Enjoy!

They tend to be bigger assholes then the heels

I remember when CM Punk took over Nexus, and looked to be starting a feud with John Cena. Of course, this came to an end when WWE decided "Nah, feud him with Orton instead." Punk, being Punk, was able to create a reason why this sudden change worked; bringing up the forgotten fact that Orton cost Punk his first World Title. Now granted, this could be blamed on my own personal bias, but the instance he brought this up, I was with Punk. He was right, that was a bullshit thing to do. Whats worse, Orton got away with punting Punk in the head. Hell, I don't think Punk even got a match with Orton until this feud!

This also brings up the point that for one of the top faces, Orton is an asshole. He has no problem taking things lets just say a little too far in matches. This is the same Randall Orton whose signature move is to give people a concussion by kicking them in the skull as hard as he can. Keep in mind in some cases, kicking a man as hard as you can can kill them. considering that Orton plays a dangerously psychotic character, he probably is trying to kill them. Think about that if you have kids who love Orton.

Instances like this are numerous. In fact, I'll go into some more in the other entries. But the fact is, a lot of faces are dickheads.

They will stab you in the back for a belt

This is one of the most clinched things in wrestling, and its one of the most annoying things as well. That being its okay to sellout out your brother, murder your mother, and spit in the faces of those who love you… if its for WWE title. I've seen faces who were straight arrows suddenly be fine with someone interfering in a match if it meant they won the title or a chance at the title. Its annoying cause some of these guys are top faces basically okaying a shortcut it it means getting what ya want.

One of those guys is the top face of the company, John Cena. The moment in question took place after that little WWE title Tournament after Money in the Bank. As everyone knows, Mysterio won that tournament… I guess. In a move that was never addressed or talked about from then on, HHH came out and announced that despite having competed against and beating IC Champion Dolph Ziggler, R-Truth, and Miz to become the champ that he was going to defend his title against John Cena who hadn't wrestled in 2 weeks. In a shocking twist… Cena beat him clean. Keep in mind, this was the same Cena who stopped Super Dave Osborne from interfering in his match at MitB. So he doesn't want help retaining, but he has no problems taken a match against an obviously weakened Rey?

The most famous angle was the one involving R Truth and John Morrison. While I love R-Truth as a heel, his start into madness made no sense. Truth had just become number one contender for the WWE title for the first time. He accomplished this by outlasting 3 guys in a gauntlet match. He beat Dolph Ziggler, then John Morrsion, and finally came Cena. Typically facing Cena after outlasting 2 other guys is a death sentence. But he ended up drawing with John Cena and earned a shot in what was a genuine feel good moment. Go into next week, and Truth starts us off by celebrating in his victory; enter John Morrison.

I want to point out that up until this point, these guys were best friends. In fact they actually fought together to go for the Unified Tag Titles at a Wrestlemania! So when John Morrison walked out, Truth was happy and figured he was out to celebrate with him. How wrong he was. Morrison came out and called his victory a fluke. And yes, Morrison was one of the people who get out in Truth's 3 fluke matches. And yes, I know that by insinuating that his victory was a fluke, Morrison looks bad for losing to an inferior opponent… I realize this. Then the confusing part hits, as he points to some footage of Truth having to go out and get a drink of water while waiting for Cena. According to John, this was proof that Truth was out of shape and didn't deserve a shot at the title. And yes, this makes no sense. So according to Morrison Logic, Triple H is a jobber.

The crowd didn't know how to respond this, and for good reason. This felt like a heel turn for Morrison! But it wasn't, as Morrison suckers a bewildered Truth into putting his title shot up for brings in an impromptu match, and stole it from Truth. R-Truth then lost it and destroyed Morrison justifiably. But… Morrison was actually the face in this, for reasons I will never understand.

They're very Hypocritical

A short one here, as I've gone through a lot of them already. But faces are very hypocritical. This I can't blame entirely on present day faces, as its something that has plagued wrestlers for sometime. Take Sgt. Slaughter for instance. Oh he's quick to defend Old Glory, but how seriously can you take him when you remember he was an Iraqi Sympathizer and had a guy who looked like Saddam Hussein with him? Orton especially as well. You think I feel bad for him now that Henry is killing him? This is the guy who once DDT'd a woman because he felt like it? Hell look at Triple H right now! He's an authority figure who became famous for being anti-authority! What the fuck!?

Popularity Contest

The idea that Faces are good guys and do the right thing is gone. Okay I admit, with some exceptions, Cena does do this for the most part. But now, doing the right thing isn't really the goal of a Face… its popularity. Everything a Face does is to get over with the fans and sell merchandise, nothing more, nothing less. And I don't doubt this was true back then, but they hid it better.

Christ, they don't even try to hide it. For instance, a few weeks ago Alberto Del Rio beat Morrison in a match. After the match, ADR reapplied the crossarm breaker to injury Morrison. No one came out. Now when ADR set a trap for Cena week later, Morrison and a fleet of other faces ran out there to help him. Why did he do this? Him and Cena ain't friends. In fact, Cena had proven already that he wasn't willing to return the favor, so why was Morrison sticking his neck out for him? In fact he's a guy who's never been WWE Champion. Wouldn't he prefer Cena get hurt? Why did he do this? Simple. He wants to be popular. Same as all the other faces who ran out there.

Its especially true in the feuds. Most of them start with a heel, just voicing his opinion. Thats it, nothing more. Then some random face walks in and insults them. Why? Because heels are the unpopular kids, the ones where if you pick on them, you get popular because of it. It doesn't matter if you have really no reason to do what your doing. The fans don't like them, so feel free to just be a dick. Hell, look at Jerry Lawler. Despite the anti-bullying campaign going on, he still picks on people. Especially Vickie, to a point where its almost disturbing. Especially on insisting that she's fat… when she's not. Least when Lawler was a heel doing this, it made sense because he's a bad guy. However, as a face, they imply that this is the way to act towards people. Its not cool.

In Real Life, they are Douchebags

I have to tip my hat to John Cena. All critiques aside, I appreciate him for taking the fact that he is looked up to by kids seriously. If the day comes when you hear about Cena getting caught DWI, failing a Wellness Policy, or drug trafficking I will be immensely surprised.

Some however don't share this amazing concept of "People look up to me, so I better not let them down" philosophy. We'll go right for the big and bring up Jeff Hardy. Its a tragedy in wrestling when you hear about guys who could have been focal points of the industry, who just flushed away their opportunities due to their own personal demons. Jeff Hardy, Jake the Snake, and Scott Hall are all "Could have been…" wrestlers. Jeff is the most frustrating. He had the fan support, a unique moveset, and an interesting look to him. He had opportunity after opportunity in the WWE, from supposedly being a sure thing for the Money in the Bank match at Wrestlemania, to the 2 times he was World Champ. And he let his addictions destroy his chance to achieve. Watching a guy who should be amazing flush his life away… especially if you actually liked the guy! Christ, I haven't even mentioned the whole drug trafficking thing either!

Sadly Jeff will not be the last poor example in this business. Sadly, it appears Jeff's biggest contribution to the business that made him famous is to provide an example of how not to be looked highly upon. Luckily for him, he works for TNA, where the fact that you're a dick makes no difference on your standing in the company. Their World Champion is an alcoholic who drinks while driving. Jeff Hardy is being primed to become their number one face…. the same Jeff who showed up at a major PPV stoned out of his fucking mind and is at this point a well know drug addicted who (allegedly) was selling this stuff out to people. Do people really want to cheer for him?

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).