Home | Columns & Rants | Satire | Entertainment | Media | Archives | Forum


by Malcolm Not in the Middle

September 9, 2011

Hey while you’re here, why not download the latest episode of my Podcast “The Rundown?” You can find it on Itunes here,or you can download it here.

CM Punk is the best wrestler in the world right now, and nothing PWI says will convince me otherwise. He is the best in terms of wrestling skill, and on the mic. It also shows how dumb WWE is that it took them this fucking long to realize what they have with him.

I realize I sound like I’m drinking the Kool Aid, but damn it, sometimes the majority believes something cause its true. CM Punk can be their next real break out superstar if they do things right… that being said, with everything I’ve seen, I’m expecting them to drop the ball. As for why…

5. Really speeding through his Angles

Great stories take time. The main event between Macho Man and Hulk Hogan at Wrestlemania V was one year in the making. Those guys were like brothers, and they fought in some really big wars together. So when Macho Man turned on Hogan, I actually felt sad about it. Now lets look outside of wrestling for a second; how many people are excited about the Avengers movie? You know why? Cause Marvel has been building up the story for it for 2-3 years! So whether people will admit it or not; long term planning WORKS.

The hell does this have to do with Punk? WWE, who as I mentioned know how great long-term booking is, have really been rushing this Punk thing. For instance, his return from MitB… two weeks after he left the WWE forever. They could have played this up so much more. We could have had Punk defending the belt at ROH, him showing up with the belt at WWE events, and interrupting WWE public events. Hell, look at how awesome his crashing Comic-Con was:

Now… I do cut them some slack. CM Punk was hot, and keeping him off TV was perhaps an unwise move. Perhaps. I still say Rey vs. Cena could have been a great Summerslam main event and you could have used that moment to bring him back, but whatever. However, this brings me to Punk vs. HHH.

I’ll get to HHH and Punk later, but why the hell is this match being rushed to Night of Champions? They could have stretched this easily to Survivor Series; which would make more sense as its one of their big PPVs. Now, I have theories why this is being rushed. One, so Hunter can still be a face going into this feud. Cause sorry, they haven’t turned Hunter yet. Especially when he’s Pedigree’ing heels off camera. That way when the crowd is split, HHH can say “I guess he’s not that popular.” Or someone really wants this Punk thing to fail.

Truth be told, they could have held off HHH for awhile. I say Punk should have still continued going for the belt, feuding with Cena, Del Rio, or both. Hell, Miz or Truth would have been just as good. Cutting straight to HHH, I’m sorry, is a dumb move, and could have been built up more.

I know, that sounds weird to say about a feud were Punk is feuding with the bloody McMahons, but it feels disorganized and rushed… like a TNA angle, if you will. And I swear, if the end result is another Punk heel turn, WWE fucked up. Could WWE have some sort of master plan here? We’ll see… but I doubt it.

4. They paired him with Kevin Nash

So after tearing the roof off with John Cena on two consecutive PPVs, WWE needed to come up with a suitable follow-up opponent for Punk. Someone with charisma, ability, and could keep up with Punk… but I guess they couldn’t find anyone because Punk got Kevin Nash instead.

This was red flag number one for me. Of all the people, all the talent you have to feud with Punk, why the hell would you go out of the way to get Kevin Flipping Nash?

At this time, Nash left just as this feud was getting started, thus ushering in Punk vs HHH (more on that in a moment). Now, lets pause and look what Nash did with this “feud”.

1. Jack Knifed Punk, and cost him the title.

2. Costs Punk a Title Shot.

3. Sucker punched Punk on multiple occasions.

4. Kicked Punk in the face after a few punches.

5. Beat up Punk with Miz and Truth.

6. Finally, decided not to job to Punk at NoC.

Point being, WWE literally allowed a 50 year old man to beat up a potential star, and leave. Punk really never got his big revenge, unless you count him pointing a laughing when HHH fired him. That’s another thing that bugged me, Punk never defeated Nash, and it was HHH who got rid of him. So you got Punk, a man who needs to be built up, get smacked around by a man who cannot move. It actually built up HHH and made Punk look like a side act… which is not what needed to be done.

Nash did more harm than good for Punk. The annoying thing was that it was completely unnecessary! To cap off, I want to point out two instances that have me concern. First at the contract signing at Super Smackdown, when Nash comes in. Punk finally gets his heads on him. He starts punching him like 30 times, and the most it does is slightly staggered him. Fast forward to RAW when HHH found the footage of Nash snuck into his office. HHH levels Nash with one punch. So HHH accomplishes what Punk couldn’t with one punch as opposed to Punks 30?

3. The HHH on Sirius Interview

The following bit is from a recent interview from HHH from Busted Open:

"Punk said something about doofus, but he called John Laurinitis douchebag, which is way worse, right? The joke in the back was "at least I'm just a doofus, you're a douchebag." If you look at it from that standpoint, he called me a doofus, Stephanie an idiot and Johnny a douchebag, and everyone said "Oh my God!" He tore the roof off the place! He ripped the veil off! And it was like the most crazy promo of all time!" 5 years ago, no one would have blinked. That would have been a tame segment. Everyone would have looked at that promo and said "So what?" he didn't say anything. In order for that to get the reaction that it did, we had to go where it had to go.”

So in summary: HHH buried the best promo WWE has had in months, called it a nothing promo, and said the whole angle was as good as it was because WWE made it into something.

Do I really need to explain how this is burying Punk? Didn’t think so.

2. Paired him with HHH

HHH buries people. If you are reading this on this website, you know this. Hell, we have a column here on the site that points out the fact that he buries people on this site! At this time, I can’t remember anyone he’s built up without immediately burying them. He had that feud with Sheamus and let him take him out of wrestling… and then he returned and killed Sheamus like he was nothing. He built up Orton, and then killed him and took the World Title a month later. He tapped out and lost the title to Chris Benoit; then he killed him and his family, and framed Chris for the murder. All so the footage would never be seen again. The point is, he has a problem being vulnerable.

So you go from that garbage with Nash, and the next guy is HHH? You couldn’t have had Punk feud with Miz, Truth, Ziggler, or some other heel? Why, when you have a face that ha to be pushed, pair him up this soon with a guy whose shown he cannot make people look good?,

I admit, this one is more speculation on my part as I’m going by history than what has happened. And for my final reason…


You watch the promos between Punk and HHH… and you can see HHH hates this guy. To be fair, the same could be said of Punk toward HHH; but my point is HHH hates the fact that Phil Brooks is in the Main Event scene.

Granted usually actually heat between two guys usually translates well in a feud. Look at Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels if you don’t believe me. That blood feud was magic simply because those guys legit hated each other. Thanks to that, we had some classic promos and matches. But here’s the thing, and this is an important fact to remember… neither of them ran or helped run the company. Could you imagine how that feud would have went if one of them was a booker?

I don’t trust Hunter. You look into his eyes as he calls Punk a “Over-Hyped Loser” or threatening to kick his “skinny, fat-ass” he means every word he is saying. I’m sorry… but I don’t see HHH cleanly putting this guy over, and seeing him as a valuable commodity that’s worth being pushed. And scaring thing is… this guy is the next guy to run the company.

If I’m wrong, I’ll be one of the first to apologize to HHH and admit that I was wrong… but I don’t see Punk getting out of this angle alive.

Send Feedback to Malcolm Not in the Middle

Bookmark and Share


November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).