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TOP 5!

by Malcolm Not in the Middle

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The world of professional sports is a weird one. One of the more annoying things about it is whom the Federation will decide to push. I don’t know about you, but after a couple of years, you get sick of the Cena’s and Orton’s hogging the spotlight. I will admit, WWE has gotten a little better at this. With the advent of CM Punk and Alberto Del Rio on the scene, and did you see the promo Miz and Truth cut? We are getting more big time players. However, before we accept this, lets not forget who still ultimately closes out the shows at the end of the night.

I digress, sometimes they decide to push the “wrong people”. Believe it or not, I’m not talking about guys like John Cena or Randy Orton. All smarkness aside, I understand why those two are on top. Cena is a class act and the work he does should be commended. Plus, he has proven he can be very entertaining and is part of my one of my favorite matches of all time. Orton, and his lack of personality not withstanding, has come a long way from that time he shat in a bag. My point being; as representatives of a company I understand why they are where they are. However, sometimes in a company, they push the wrong guy.

Happens at any job; a guy who is so obviously not fit for a certain position gets promoted while the good one is doesn’t get it. Wrestling is no different. Certain guys get pushes that make absolutely no sense, and hence the subject of this week’s Top 5….

TOP 5 Current Wrestlers who don’t deserve their Push

Dishonorable mention goes to Mike McGillicutty and David Otunga, who if not for the fact that they lost the belts last Raw would have been number 5. Seriously, how did they keep the tag belts for so long?


Winter is proof that if you worked in WWE, you can expect some sort of major push in TNA. Winter, formerly Katie Lea Burchill, was fired for good reason. Her wrestling skills are garbage, her acting is awful, and she really isn’t pleasant to look at. That and her big angle in WWE would have been an incest angle with her (storyline) brother Paul. Thankfully, WWE decided not to pull the trigger on that little nugget, and after she existed in the Divas’ division for a while, she was let go.

TNA, of course, instantly signed her. Once signed, they threw her into an angle with the Beautiful People, in where she broke them up. Yes, they used this reject to break up their biggest female duo. Its bad enough she’s the shits as she is, but when you add TNA booking to her, then it’s good night Irene. First she was brought in as a ghost only Angelina love could see, but later, she’s real. Then she hypnotizes Angelina to be her slave, and thus began an angle where Velvet was trying to rescue her from Winter… which later turned into her drugging her… which later turned to just Angelina turned heel for no reason. Yeah, TNA and plans don’t exactly mix.

This angle has been the butt of so many jokes; one has to wonder why a Wrestlecrap entry hasn’t been written about it yet. The angle also involved a Zombie Angelina Love interfering in Winter’s matches. That blank stare by Love has become a meme in so many circles, its not even funny. Speaking of not funny, this angle was one of the focuses of the Knockouts Division for months now (and to this day). Even scarier, they just gave Winter the Knockouts title over Mickie James, a woman who can wrestle, act, and look damn good. Yeah… TNA doesn’t know what they’re doing.


Oh you damn right I got someone from NXT!

Titus is the man who is being groomed to win NXT Redemption. Yeah, small spoiler; the competition is just as fake as wrestling. He will win for two reasons. One; he’s teamed with Hornswoggle, who is mega popular with the crowd. It’s up there with him being teamed with Zack Ryder at this point. Make no bones about it, Titus leeches off his Pro’s popularity so much, it may as well be Hornswoggle who’s trying to win. And they also added Aj to the mix too... which is sad. Two, he’s the only face Rookie on NXT right now… thus making him the winner. I truly hope the brain trust of WWE isn’t stupid enough to think WWE fans are a “fair and balanced lot” because they’re not. They choose the fan favorite each time. Hell, they voted that Johnny Curtis won a promo contest with Brodus Clay after his promo was simply punching Brodus in the face!

This is a shame because Titus O’Neil should not win NXT. He is boring in the ring, and I swear he kills my brain cells every time picks up a mic. And I was a big believer of the Pro and Rookie working together, but Titus is outright letting him do all the work! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, when Titus wins and has to leave Hornswoggle, he’ll die. The fans like Swoggle, not Titus.

What’s more he’s not even the best guy there. Derrick Bateman and Darren Young are leaps and bounds better (Darren with a little better inring than Derrick; and Derrick being better on the mic), but they will lose because they are “bad guys.” Meanwhile Titus will win because he travels with a Leprechaun.

There is no justice.


Cole is so annoying; that trust me when I say he’ll be getting his own Top 5 in the near future. Cole is not only undeserving of his current status in WWE, he’s actually slowly making the product worse.

Right off the bat let me remind everyone of something. The US Title match was bumped off the live showing of Wrestlemania so that Cole’s match with Lawler got more time. Let me repeat that, the US champion was told he’s off the show because WWE decided the focus should be on the match featuring two announcers. See, if you ever wanted to make an argument about WWE not caring about the titles, point to this occurrence.

Here’s the thing I can’t stand about Cole, he considers himself a character on the program, when he shouldn’t be. In fact, I could make the argument that Cole is the worst announcer of all time as he doesn’t even do that right. As the announcer, you’re supposed to provide listeners with info on the match, and make it more interesting to the viewer. The focus is ALWAYS the match itself. Cole doesn’t put over the match. He’ll sure as heck put himself over however. He’ll make fun of the match and the wrestlers, and make the product look like garbage in the pursuit of making himself the star. Not only that, he’ll talk over the other commentators to get this point across. And its not like you get a break from him; he’s on every single show!

I could go on forever about Cole, but I’ll instead end with this. Consider MitB winner Daniel Bryan. A man who has till Wrestlemania to make himself look like a threat. That’s hard enough… but when you add to the fact that you have a blowhard like Cole talking over your promos and makes you out to be a loser on EVERY show you're mentioned… how likely do you think it’ll be that D Bryan looks creditible to Main Event Wrestlemania??


I have to admit, Triple H has done a lot of things right as the guy in charge. He’s bringing back the tag division, he’s talking about bring in new cruiserweights, the Divas are getting more time for their matches, and CM Punk is in the main event scene. As much as people talk about him burying guys, he’s been doing great so far.

So his record has been spotless so far, right? Nothing bad yet, right? Well, there is his first project, Sin Cara. Sin Cara is a man who’s getting pushed to the moon solely because he’s Hunter’s first wrestler signed. That’s it.

Don’t believe me? Lets look at his track record. The guy should have been called Shockmaster, cause he’s been nonstop botches from the get go. He botches his entrances, he botches his finishers, he can’t do a promo, and he has a finisher that no one but someone on the undercard who’s starving for attention is willing to take. That and he’s sort of responsible for Chavo Guerrero leaving the company. Botchamania may love this guy, but Mistico hasn’t exactly been lighting the ring on fire.

So he has to realize he’s Hunter’s first project, and that he’s essentially the luckiest wrestler on the face of the earth. He’d have to be a fucking idiot to risk it, right?… Yeah, I’m now talking about the fact he failed a Wellness test that got him suspended and almost fired from the WWE. In fact, WWE realized the fatal flaw in being a masked wrestler. See if you give the mask to any Mexican wrestler, people will have a tough time telling the difference. To add insult to injury… the guy who replaced him was better at being him than Sin Cara is!

At this time, Sin Cara is back, and enjoying the push he was receiving previously despite being a failure. The man who replaced him (Hunico) is thankfully getting some attention and may feud with Sin Cara as reward… who hopefully won’t get killed when Sin Cara botches another move.


Was there ever any doubt on this one? I mean really?

Everyone knows Jeff’s accomplishments as far as being a total waste of life. Wrestling has produced its share of fuck ups, but Jeff takes it to another level. For instance; it’s one thing to be caught with some drugs. It’s another entirely to be caught with an entire meth lab in your house. It’s one thing to arrive to work while under the influence. It’s on another level to arrive at one of your company’s biggest PPV’s high as a kite while the World Champion!

The thing that blows my mind about Jeff? People know he’s a fuck up, and a druggie. It’s not like they have any right to be shocked when it happens. He’s consistently dropped ball each and every time he’s been signed with someone… but he keeps landing gigs. TNA signed him the day after the cops found that meth lab! Not only that, they made them their World Champion. I need to restate that: TNA made a man being investigated for drug trafficking into their World Champion! Suddenly, Vince doesn’t look like such a bad guy for taking so long to put the belt on him. Speaking of Vince and the WWE, Jeff's screw ups over there are legendary. Most famous, going into Wrestlemania as IC Champ and the sure thing for 2008’s MitB match… and then failing a Wellness taste and having that all flush down the toilet. Thankfully, this lead to CM Punk’s first title reign.

The biggest tragedy in all of this? Well, there’s several. As of this writing, Jeff has said that he’s expecting to return to action this week, and I believe it. I also have no doubts that he’ll be pushed back to the top and get the belt again before the years out. Worse still… a lot of people look up to this idiot. This guy has legions of fans, which not only defend him but think what he’s doing is okay. I blame this more on Jeff, as once again, he’s setting the example. This is actually one of the reasons I appreciate John Cena. At some point, he got it through his head he’s a role model and he acts accordingly. Does he mess up from time to time? Yeah, but he owns up to it and learns from it. Jeff… I am convinced will continue to do the same stupid shit for the rest of his life and will probably be “found dead in a hotel room…” at some point. However, a lot of that is because people let him get away with it.

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November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).