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TNA 
SACRIFICE
2007
(05/13/07)
 
Neil Cathan signing in with the TNA PPV RANT! Welcome to the party! The following PPV feauters no Starr vs Senshi match, because Aries didn't want to work on his day off, and as got a 90 day suspension for it. Free Aries! Let him go back to RoH, where they know how to use him.

Hype video, doing it's usual over dramatic spiel. I like it, but sometimes it's silly.

X-Dvision title match:
Sonjay Nash Dutt vs Black Machismo vs Chris Sabin (C)


Yep, open Sacrifice with the X title match. Remember when it was on a level with the World? I blame Russo *Awaits hate mail*

All three men in the ring, and this should be interesting, Sabin lies down happily for Dutt, who gets two as BM breaks it up. Sabin double teamed. Uhh, guys, Sabin's the heel here. Stop picking on him. Story here is tension between Machismo and Dutt. Sabin misses a dive, and hits the barrier, allowing a great exchange between Dutt and Machismo. Dutt puts BM in camel clutch, from where BM takes a dropkick from Sabin. Sabin and Dutt act like friends, and Sabin sets BM up for another, which sees Dutt hit the dropkick on Sabin instead. Crowd is hot. We'll get some Russo-riffic booking to stop that soon. Machismo takes a single leg dropkick from Sabin for two. Corner meets a forearm in corner, and spinning rope assitred rana gets two. Nice move. Sabin dropped across apron from a sweep by Dutt. BM hits the sledge from top to outside. Asai moonsault from Dutt on both. They said TIGER MASK was coming. AWESOME.Dutt and Sabin in the ring, and a missle dropkick on BM. Sain eye rakes Dutt, and sends BM outside. Suplex on Dutt gets two. There's a rabbit. Apparently he's a mascot. Mounted shots, but a missed charge rewards Sabin with a super headscissors. BM back in, flapjack on Dutt. Clothesline for BM by Sabin. Dutt in opposite corner, and avoids a charge for a nice kick. Springboard leg drop for two. Leg Lariat in corner for BM, and Sabin sets Dutt up in tree of woe atop BM. Running boot for BM, dropkick for Dutt. Awesome. Charge meets an enzuiguri on Sabin, and he ctahes a flying Dutt for a full nelson release suplex. Elbow on Sabin, pin broken by Dutt, who is down on the apron.Lethal hits Backbreaker/flatliner, gets Sabin for two, splash on BM breaks it up. 450 gets 2. Sabin with tights on Dutt gets 3.

WINNER AND STILL TNA X DIVISION CHAMPION:Chris Sabin

That was great, straigt up match, thatblww me and the fans away. I didn't catch everything, becuase it was a bit fast. Brawl between BM/Dutt breaks out, and Nash breaks them up. Dutt kicks Nash in the quad. Dear god no, that'll KILL him. Dutt scarpers.

Roode w/Tracy Brookes w/BOOBIES!
Geneic Heel promo. But Tracy is a nice distraction.

Nash on mic shouting at Sonjay. Nash vs Dutt next week on iMPACT. I think I can hear Bullfrog weeping. Apparently the
Hype video for main event. Decent video. Apparently Bashams attacked VKM during an autograph session. Clearly those fans were plants. No-one would go to those signings.

I quote Don West on injuries "he has a Super-Severe-Concussion"

Video about J.J's return. Ideally Roode will go over, leading to Young finally getting Roode at Slammiversary. Putting both men over throught the feud. Probably a bit to much to hope for.

Robert Roode vs Jeff Jarrett

Roode jumps Jarrett on the ramp, and attacks him, taking him apart outside the ring. BIIIIG backdrop out of a piledriver, and now Jarrett's in charge. In the ring, and bell is tolled, and Jarrett takes Roode out. Brooks creates a distraction, and a nothern lariat on the outside, knocking J.J off the ramp. OUCH. Jarrett into the steps, and Roode with punches in the ring for Jarrett. Brookes choking Jarrett. Chop, but Jarrett comes back. Hip toss into a backslide for two on Roode. Roode choking Jarrett, and a bodyslam. Up top, splash meet a boot. Sleeper exchange, Roode takes his legs out, and hits a figure four. Nice moving, Roode's really picking up. Tracy assist for the Figure Four. Jarrett reaches the ropes. Knee spike, and Roode poses. Roode goes back for the figure four, but is met with a rollup. Brawl, and both men go down after clotheslines. Very good brawl going on here. Nothing to fancy, but it's fun. Both men back up, and Jarrett in control, huge backdrop, and a toss into nuts kick. Bodslam off top, and figure four. Fans chanting for a tap. Did I mention how great they are. Roode taps, but Brookes's boobies somehow stop the ref from HEARING. Roode back in control, exposes turnbuckle and both men struggle to hit on the exposed. Takedown and pulls Jarrett's nads against the post from outside. Roode with a chair, and as the two struggle, J.J gets the stroke. Tracy pulls ref out, breaking the count, Ref leads Brookes away, and Roode with a brass knucks shot for two as ref runs back in. Roode witht the guitar, but ref takes it away. Stroke countered into a fisherman attempt, back into figure-four but Jarrett is kicked off into exposed turnbuckle, allowing Roode to hit the fisherman for three.

WINNER:Robert Roode

Thank you Jarrett for putting him over. Roode gets a nice promo in, and threatens to hit Jarrett with the guitar. Jarrett with the figure four. Tracy tries to hit Jarrett with a guitar, but Young breaks it up with a figure four. Futhers the feud, and puts Young and Roode over. Solid booking.

Christain's Coalition backstage, and they mockify Leica and put themselves over. Stener is ANGRY. Tomko's not here, but that's not something to be upset about. AJ puts things back on track with a nice promo on Joe. These guys are the ultimate dysfunctional family.

Christopher Daniels vs Rhino

Should be interesting to see how well their styles mix. Daniels with Sting cosplaying. Duelling chants, and a tie up. Daniels with a headlock, and a headlock for Daniels. Stiff forearms, and a whip meets a shoulderblock. Lariat for Daniels, and a HEADLOCK. Stiff forearms, and I've been here before. Trading rights, and a back drop for Daniels. Rhino puts Daniels on the apron, but he fights out, and goes up top, jumping into a belly-to-belly. Daniels leaves as Rhino sets up for a gore. Rhino chases him, and Daniels back in, goes in for a baseball slide, but it's dodged. Lariat for Daniels and as Rhinogoes for the gore, Daniels dodges, and Rhino hits the post. Baseball slide into railing. Hits the arm against guardrail, and Daniels is working the arm. Daniels sent to corner, and hits the boot. Jumping armbreaker, and an arm wrench. Rhino out with roghts, and a backbreaker. SHoulderblock onto Daniels, but Rhino is hurt too. Rhino hits chops and a powerslam for two, and continues to sell the arm. Daniles with an S.T.O, gets two. Rhino didges a corner charge, and hits his spinebuster, hurting his arm. Octopus Stretch countered, and Rhino is in the cross armbreaker. Rhino with ropebreak. Spinning arm drag, dropkick, misses B.M.E but lands on feet. Daniels eats a TKO for two, and Rhino pulls Daniels up only to eat an enzuiguri. Daniels sent to outside, and as Rhino looks around, Daniels sneaks in a bat shot, for three. I remember when Rhino kicked out of a top rope stroke after monster's ball and a gauntlet. Now he's jobbing to a bat.

WINNER: Christopher Daniels

Rhino is all shouty on the mic, and comes after Daniels, who runs away. A bloody Daniels is tossed onto the ramp.And Daniels with a blood covered chair, and another shot for Daniels. Two chairs set up in the ring. sets up for a rhino driver onto two set chairs, but security sucks, and breaks it up.

Set up video between Hemme and VKM. So wait, Hemme wants respect for women, and is the HEEL? And VKM think women should never be allowed a place in the company beyong a pair of breasts, and they're faces. FUCK YOU RUSSO.

BG isn't gonna be out, and Kip will be wrestling in a handicap match.
Personally, I'm rooting for Hemme and the Bashams.

Kip James vs Bashams w/Christy Hemme w/wasted oppurtunity.

Kip is really generic, and there's a big boot, and a splash. Why not tke Kip out? I care about BG James. He can work, and has charisma. I refuse to recap any of Kip's offense. Hooray! Kip got hit by both of them. Double facebuster. Pucnhes for Kip. Double teaming, and I don't care about this match. Some RETARD fan wolf whistles Christy. This match sucks. Christy has been so wasted. With Gail Kim, Christy and Jackie Moore, TNA could have a strong Women's division. But we can't have that, can we? No siree. Yu'd think that having a women at the top would help, but no. Oh, Bashams pinned Kip.

WINNER: Bashams
LOSER: Christy Hemme's career


There's some crappy brawling, and Hoyt saves James.

Hariis cuts a nice promo on Storm, putting himself, the feud, the upcoming, and Storm over. Real sense of emotion. Should be good. Was wearing an AMW t shirt.

Texas Death Match: James Storm vs Chris Harris

Hopefully this'll make up for the blindfold match. God that was awful.

Storm out, accompanied by Jackie Moore. Harris rips the AMW t-shirt in half in an intense moment.

Brawl on the ramp, then into the crowd. Harris in control, sent into glass window on door. Harris tries to throw Storm right off the top of the stalls, but Storm escapes. Storm throws water in Harris's face, and uses the surprise to attack, but Harris sends Storm into a wall. Harris with Storm's beer bottle, and starts drinking in the ring, waiting for Storm. Harris gets bored of waiting, and hits a huge splash to the outside, over the guard rail onto Storm and security for three. Storm is up at 8. Harris goes up top, and Storm catches him by throwing a chair. Harris falls back and a chair sho, sandwiching the head between the chair and the post. Brutal. Harris bleeding all over. Sick blade job. 0.6 on Muta scale Storm sets up a table , and goes for the rana, but Harris avoids, as Storm falls to the mat. Sunset flip to rollup, and Harris goes for a sharpshooter. Storm escapes, but takes a slingshot into the metal of the table, cutting Storm up horribly. Absolutley brutal. This match makes up for their last match. Storm escapes a suplex attempt through te table. Both men are absolutely drenched in blood. Ey of the Storm through the table. Harris is up at 9, but collapses again. How are they gonna finish the match is THAT didn't do it? I look forward t finding out. Storm gets another table out, setting it up outside. Goes for an Eye of the storm to the table on the outside, but Harris lands on the apron. Harris takes a kick to the head, and it's followed by a second rope DDT for two. Harris fights back, goes outside, and brings a kendostick back. As he tries to get back in, Storm hits a spear though the table on the outside. Both men back in the ring, and a chair shot attempt from Harris meets a Superkick into the chair, but somehow Harris kicks. Garbage can shot on Harris, and another. Trading blows with the lids. Catatonic onto the garbage can, but a KICK OUT. This is the best hardcore style match I've seen in an unbelieveably long time. Jackie attacks Harris, but Gail (Huzzah!) cuffs her, leading her away. Both men try for bottle shots, and Harris breaks one across Storm's face for three. Right, so we get the symbolic finish,a s the bottle shot that started it ends the feud. That was insane. Storm's entire face in covered in blood.

Sting and Daniels are talking. Fans chant "tag team" Sting is all angry, 'n' stuff.

Tenay and West recap the sheer awesome we just saw.

4 way X division match: TIGER FREAKING MASK! vs Alex Shelley vs Senshi vs Jerry Lynn

Wow. Four wrestlers I love. This should be great.

Lynn and Senshi start us of, tie up and front facelock on Lynn, countered into a fireman's carry. Senshi sends Lynn into the ropes, meets a crucifix, but Senshi spins, Jerry drops out for a sunset flip, but Low Ki dodges, goes for the double stomp, but Lynn out of the way. Senshi avoids the Kudo driver, and waistlock meets another fireman's carry into armbar. Senshi with a hanging armbreaker on the ropes, and Shelley in, continues on the arm of Lynn. Lynn rolls out with an armdrag and armbar. Lynn against the ropes, and a chop, sends him into the ropes, and a tilt-a-whirl headscissors,armbar and Tiger Mask in. Mask goes for Shelley, who runs to tag Senshi, andI think I can hear the fans saying "Jushin sucks" Jushin's awesome. Silly fans. Armbar on Senshi, but kick takes Mask out, tie up again, and Senshi works the arm, Tiger mask flips out and hits an arm drag. Lynn tags himself in. Tie up and shoulderblock on Mask, but the charge continues into a judo flip, moonsault from Tiger mask misses, Lynn with a roll up, gets 2. Blind tag by Shelley, who works Lynn, back Suplex, but Lynn flips out, Tiger Mask in. Tiger Mask eats a cutter out of nowhere from Shelley, and ducks a charge, hitting a pele, followed by a standing moonsault. Tiger Mask up top, but Shelley catches him and hits a super jawbreaker.Tiger mask gets Shelley on top... SUPER DOUBLE UNDERHOOK SUPLEX! Senshi breaks up the pin, and stiff chop followed by springboard reverse leg lariat. Shelley with a dropkick on Senshi. Lynn hits his guillotine leg drop on Senshi, goes for the cradle piledriver, but Tiger Mask breaks it with kicks. Lynn takes Shelley off the apron witha triangle dropkick, Low Ki with chops on Tiger Mask, and as the two reach the ropes, Lynn hits a sunset flip on both, getting 2. Tombstone attempt avoided by Lynn, who hits a TKO, which Shelley breaks a pin on. Lynn in the corner, gets the boot up for a Shelley charge, but Shelley catches it, and hits a enzuiguri. Lynn on top, punching Shelley, goes for the Tornado DDT, Shelley dodges, Lynn dodges a spinning leg lariat, and goes up top, to catch a leg lariat from Senshi. Super Ki Krusher attempt into a cradle piledriver, but Tiger Mask stops it, taking Lynn up top for a super double underhook attempt, but Shelley sends him into Senshi on the outside. Superkick on Lynn and Supercarana on Lynn, who rolls through for the three.
WINNER: ME! And Jerry Lynn, the most awesomist wrestler in the world.
WOW. That was crazy. As usual with X matches, I know the moves, just they happen too fast for me to catch them all. I think I did pretty well though.
Shelley and Lynn brawl and as Lynn takes control, Sabin runs out and attacks, and Lynn is saved by...Backlund? Shoot.

So: Great brawl, followed by excellent high flying/tech, followed by a Steiner match. Something doesn't quite fit.

Hype video does a good job of making an ok match seem like a big deal.

Tomko is boring on the mic. Really boring.

NWA World Tag Team Championship Match:L.A.X vs Team 3D(C) vs Steiner and Tomko

L.A.X come out. Tension between Hector and L.A.X.Ateiner and 'Cide start us off. Bodyslam on Homicide. Tilt-a-whirl on Homicide and chops.Bubba with a back suplex, 'Cide flips out, and Bubba ducks a clothesline, letting 'Cide take it. German on Steiner, both big men with clotheslines, and Homicide dropkicks both. Double team on Bubba, who gets a quick comeback, with a kick for Steinerm and boot for Homicide. Dusty elbow on Steiner, and double shoulderblock.Tomko breaks a pin, and Tomko/D-von taking it now. D-Von turns a charge into a powerslam, but takes a clothesline. Hernandez with a slingboard shoulder for Tomko after a blind tag. Lou Thesz on Hernandez. Steiner and Tomko pull D-Von into the post, and Cide tagged in, slingshot into clothesline. Steiner in with chops for D-Von, and a poor colthesline, and an elbow. Pin which Bubba breaks and does the pushups and D-Von is double teamed after Bubba gets taken out. Clothesline in the corner for Hernandez, who is legal. I didn't see the tag though. D-Von is pushed off the top on a superplex attmpt, gets a splash which is broken. Tomko tags himself in, and D-von gets a tornado DDT. Confusing and difficult to recap brawl. Bubba in, and Bubba is a house on fire. Shit! I saw that botchamania, put him out! Stop running aroung Bubba, you fool. Oh, fuck, I missed most of the match. We're in the spotty part of the match, where everyone hits big moves. Wazzup on Homicide. GET THE TABLES! Hernandez with a tope over the top on D-Von. Homide set up for doomsday, but Homicide rolls through for 2. Cide sent to the outside, and Steiner and Tomko are arguing. Bubba uses it to roll Tomko up for 2. Steiner overpowers Bubba holding Bubba. Bubba ducks, and Tomko's running boot hits Steiner. Well, it doesn't really, but his boots never actually connects. 3D hits a 3D on Tomko for 3 (~D).
WINNER AND STILL NWA TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Team 3D
Tomko and Steiner brawl, and Rick Steiner is out to help. The Steiners are back. Nice.

Angle is in the back, insulting Sting. Hype video for AJ vs Joe.

AJ Styles vs Samoa Joe

Out comes AJ Styles followed by Joe who looks intense as all hell. This is gonna be great. Good to see TNA are back on track with their PPVs.

Circle each other, hip toss on AJ, backdrop and spinning leg sweep. AJ shoulderblocks Joe in corner. AJ in opposite corner, running elbow and enzuiguri. Chop to back, but football kick is stopped, and a legsweep. Joe dodges AJ, who goes to the outside, where he takes a suicide dive, straight over the rail. AJ dropped onto the apron. Joe tries to suplex Joe into the ring, but AJ blocks. AJ punched onto the floor. AJ telling ref his arm is hurt, and cheap shots Joe, but Joe fights back. AJ tries to leave, but is sent into the rail. Ole kick outside attempt, but AJ takes him out, sending Joe back in the ring. Shots to ribs from Joe, but AJ trips and chokes Joe. Forearms and chops, and Joe fights back. Manhattan drop by Joe, but AJ with a spin kick for two. Shots in the corner, and series of punches from Joe is met with kick and chop, but Joe gets a german. Trading stiff forearms, Manhattan drop for AJ, AJ ducks a kick, but takes a belly to belly as he runs back in. Senton on AJ, and AJ gets a quick advantage only to eat a powerslam. Joe for a powerbomb, but AJ drops out, and gets the pele. Springboard forearm on Joe gets 2. That's Phenomenal misses, but connects the second time. Tries for a clash, and Joe drops him over, only for a sunset flip, gets 2. Clash turned into a DVD. Seriously. Gets 2. Joe sent to outside, and Joe's knee is hurt. Again. Screw you Joe's knee. AJ works the knee, but takes a kick from ground. Joe goes running in, and just collapses. AJ tries for the Spiral Tap, but Joe rolls out and stands up casually brushing himself down. Best playing possum ever. Joe ducks a spin kick, and locks in the clutch, AJ reaches ropes, but takes a coquina plex for his trouble, gets 3.
WINNER: Samoa Joe
Awesome finish. Great match. Think I caught most of it. I was totally worked by the knee.

World Heavyweigth Championshup match: Christian Cage(C) vs Kurt Angle vs Sting.

Say what you will about TNA. They know how to build a big match atmosphere about tile matches. Matches where it seems anyone could win it.

Angle out to big pop. Sting out to bigger pop. Cage out to mixed reaction, as the fans have no idea whether to cheer or boo him.

All three men up in each other's faces, but Christian backs out. Angle and Sting toss Cage out, and stare each other down. Cage back in, and gets sent out again. Sting and Angle have a brawl, which is really very good, but doesn't sound it when recapped. Sting has Angle out, and goes outside to destroy Cage. Cage sends Sting into the barrier, and as Cage gets back in he takes a belly to belly. Shoulderblock and european uppercuts. Cage avoids a charge, letting Angle hit the ring posts, going outside. Cage proposes a team, with Sting, who press slams Cage, and follows with the elbow. Sting scream, and a splash. Stinger splash in the corner, but Angle oulls Sting out, and hits an angle slam on the ramp. Spinning shoulderblock on Angle once he's back in, and Cage is choking Angle. Angle stomped into mat. Rear chinlock, but Angle fights out, Angle charges in, and takes a powerslam. Cage goes out to attack Sting. Slap across Angle's head, and Kurt with german suplexes 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 and 8. Don't let anyone tell you that Angle's limited recently. Sting tosses Angle out, and sets Cage up for a superplex, but Angle spidermans up for a german on Sting, and all three go down. That was nice. 2 count on each man, and Kurt destroys Cage,before taking off the straps, Angle Slam countered into an Unprettier, which is dodged. Christian crotched on top, and Sting sends Kurt into him. Cage hanging upside down in turnbuckle with Angle over him facing Sting, who hits the splash. Nice spot. Scorpion Death Drop on Angle, but Cage pulls the ref out. Ref bumped. Deathlock countered out into an angle lock, and Cage tries to break it, and both men are simultaneously in the angle lock. Screw ridiculous matches where one man just constantly sells on the outside. Both men roll out, and all htree are down. Sting with a uranage, tries to get ref back in, but Cage hits a low blow, and tries for the unprettier. Sting rolls through, and Angle gets the angle lock, as a second ref slides in. One ref counts the pin, the other sees Sting tap. Angle's music plays, despite the fact that, if anything, the pin came first.

WINNER AND NEW NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: Kurt Angle

Wow. TNA have remembered how to put on a great PPV. That was a excellent show, VKM excluded, and it actually left me looking forawrd to next time. 'Til then kids, I was Neil Cathan, that was TNA Sacrifice, I had a hell of a time, and I hope you did too.
 
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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).