Meanwhile, tonight's title is "They're here?" Not THEY'RE HERE like a thundering declaration, or in a creepy way like that girl from the Poltergeist, but just "They're here?" like "...huh? They're here? Oh."
Meanwhile, we have UPDATED Top Ten Rankings... which made no real sense last time, I think, did it? It didn't mean anything. Now I have to go back to track it.
10: The Freaky Big Roid
9: His Holy Darkness D'Angelo Dinero
8: Kurt Angle
6: Phenomenally AJ Styles
5: Jay Lethal
4: Samoa "GONNA KILL YOU" Joe
3: "How in the fucking shit?" Mr. Anderson
2: Jeff Harvey--HARDY!
1: The Nookie Monster Abyss
This prompts Abyss to come down lugging a leg of meat. Also, his nailboard. Seriously. A fucking leg of meat. Possibly pig, though THE PROFESSOR says it's beef, so it's pig. He tosses it onto the mat, which means no more wrestling tonight due to AIDS---or Salmonella, it all causes death or sickness even! Abyss says he has a PLAN for RVD!
It involves Abyss and his girl, the nailboard thing, and it's BEYOND EXTREEEME! It's beyond ANYTHING he's ever done in this business EVER! the obvious retort would be something like "Wrestle sober?" but ABYSS is waiting for special instructions from THEEEEMMM!! Meanwhile, he introduces him to his girl JANICE! It's a stick of wood with a shitload of nails through it, just so you know, because I plan on calling it that.
Abyss describes the sexy sexy features of Janice, then pays tribute to "Deadliest Warrior" on the meat, with idiots chanting "BEAT THE MEAT!" and Abyss bites it a little. Oh Rob, did he mention that she's one hell of a cook? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! STAY TUNED TO FIND OUT! He say RVD is gonna find out how much of a bitch his girl is.
WAIT WAIT WAIT A MINUTE TENAY HAS JUST BEEN INFORMED OF AN ALTERCATION BACKSTAGE! It's a repeat of what happened last week with no provocation or buildup whatsoever at all ever, Sarita and Taylor Wilde beating up on each other. Maybe Rob Brown at the TOTALLY SEXY TNA FORUMS could explain it, but I have trouble paying attention to people with podunk whitebread names like BOB and BROWN. Also he sucks, and I totally say that for reasons other than the obvious one of because he's better than me and is full of the spunky youth I had when I was his age all of -11 years ago, or ahead.
Sarita's beating is followed with her saying she's better than Taylor Wilde and always has been, which is just short of saying an M1 Abrams tank is better than your friend's 1988 van with his dad's speargun sticking through the back.
Oh come on, what am I saying? That's a stupid fucking comparison; You know none of you have any friends.
Random Commercial-area Thoughts: This is not a psychotic episode. This is a cleansing moment of clarity. I'm imbued, Max. I'm imbued with some special spirit. It's not a religious feeling at all. It's a shocking eruption of great electrical energy. I feel vivid and flashing, as if suddenly I'd been plugged into some great electromagnetic field. I feel connected to all living things. To flowers, birds, all the animals of the world. And even to some great, unseen, living force. What I think the Hindus call prana. But it's not a breakdown. I've never felt more orderly in my life. It is a shattering and beautiful sensation. It is the exalted flow of the space-time continuum, save that it is spaceless and timeless and... of such loveliness. I feel on the verge of some great, ultimate truth. And you will not take me off the air for now or for any other spaceless time!
When we return this brawling comes out to the ring area, and speaking of cumming out; Sarita throws some whiteish-clearish liquid into Taylor's face from a plastic cup. She then Hornswoggle's under the ring and Taylor wanders around to meet her at the other side, but Sarita reappears where she entered and ambushes her, and beats on her some more. She then drops her face on the steel steps, then peels back some of the ringside matting. I fully approve of female on female brawling on concrete. Anything men can do, women can do without a penis. Most of the time. Chicks with dicks can do it all.
Speaking of tits, we get big heapings of Taylor's cleavage as she smacks Sarita, who is trying to crawl into the ring, then turning in towards the camera. Sarita tries to jump off the apron onto Taylor but she chucks the chair at her. O Glorious days of Wrestlemania X8 for Gamecube, where you could break up pretty much every single move, and throw weapons as well, to render those four way matches a big barrel of lulz and "FUCK YOU"'s by making your CAW 8 feet tall then having your partner in jackassery make the "Big Swing" his weapon of choice in the middle of the ring.
Sarita is quick to recover, but gets tossed over the guardrail by Taylor Wilde. Sarita jacks a woman's purse and uses it to strangle Taylor as she comes for her. In an insanely rare moment of lucidity, the referee calls for the bell and Sarita is made the winner, as opposed to disqualifying Taylor for being out of the ring longer than 2.2 seconds in a street fight, whereas Sarita is technically NOT out of the ring in the ringside area, but standing behind the guardrails, so is technically an audience member. This logic works in TNA.
Backstage, Rob Van Dam is talking to himself and saying Abyss better be ready to use his horny girlfriend tonight.
Random Commercial-area Thoughts: Fuck, I don't know. This is actually a lot harder when you don't bother to watch the commercials. Well, it's been pretty hot lately. How about that for a thought? Have you noticed how hot it is? I sure have! It hasn't been cold, not at all!
Backstage, random implant female is in Bischoff's office when MISTER NASH comes in. She asks if she can help him. He helps himself to a moment of catatonia directed at her tits, then says no and leaves. But then he returns and says she CAN help him. 10 o'clock tonight. Then some other sex puns.
It takes a moment for Fridge Logic to kick in before you realize the show goes from 9 to 11 PM. So what in the fuck are they paying him for if he's gonna check out by 10 to fuck a secretary, and announce it on TV? Indeed they are paying him for "the fuck"
The Brian Kendrick vs The Douglas Williams
It starts with Kendrick ambushing him and weakly kicking his legs, and getting pushed off again and again. He bounces off the ropes to jump on TEH DOUGLAS's back, but Williams stops him a bunch, then irish whips into a turnbuckle, reverses his stuff, and kicks him.
Arbitrarily (meaning out of buttfuck nowhere) this match is an I, Quit match, so we get lots of "AAARHG! NNGNGNNGNNG!! ROOOOOOOH!! NO!! NOOO!" as the referee holds a microphone to Brian Kendrick's purdy mouth. He then briefly recovers and weakly pushes TEH DOUGLAS against the turnbuckle to push on him. Williams recovers first and batters his head in on the mat. No quit, and gets him to his feet only for Kendrick to slip out of his slam attempt and get himself slammed into the turnbuckle. Douglas Williams tries to run at him but Kendrick moves aside and now presses his boot on TEH GOUDLAS's throat.
Now recovered, he runs at Williams, only to be caught in a catapult faceplant for many lols. Boston Crab lasts about as long as it would in Smackdown vs Raw 09, then some more attacks, and running, and Douglas doing a Suplex, then a Gutwrench Submission into a Suplex. More "NUUUH!" from the microphone, then an Sploder Suplay, and a microphone on him. "Nuh... nuh.." Douglas whips out some CLIMBING gloves, which I'm assuming are the sorts with the grip friction on it for climbing, and slaps Kendrick with it.
Once he brings him up, Kendrick eventually gains enough control to dropkick him. Kendrick then freaks, and runs at him to dropkick him a bunch, then get on the second rope for a missile dropkick. He then gets on Duggle-Ass's back for something, but Duggle whips it up and thrusts him into the corner. He tries for a Chaos Theory thing but misses. Brian Kendrick gets him into a Cobra Clutch and Douglas says "UHHHH uhhh I quit I quit" which I report to you if only to fluff out my re--- I mean because it's just so exciting.
WINNAR: Brian Kendrick
Apparently the 10 o'clock thing wasn't an appointment for casual secks, but an appointment time for casual secks with Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff. Nash comes out to the ring, gets in, and grabs a microphone. He then hands the microphone back AFTER So Cal Val already sat back down, making her work for her paycheck, then chokeslams Kendrick, and gets So Cal Val back up to retrieve the microphone.
He say: He sick of waiting on Hogan and Bischoff and such, and when Kevin Nash dies, no one can replace him. Sounds like a suicide-clue in "They'll all be sorry when I'm gone" but Nash plans turning it to a killing spree, as he says maybe they'll start paying attention if he killshits some of the young boys.
So speaking of young boys (teh shmexy kind), here be Jeff Jarrett. I was going to go for some pedophilia joke, but I realized that's far too highbrow for my kind. Nash wonders what the hell Jarrett's doing out here. Jarrett say this is because he has a personal issue with Hulk and Eric, just like Sting did. OH NOESZ CONSPIRACY~!!!!111 THEY GONNA MAKE NASH DISAPPEAR FOR 30 DAYS WITHOUT PAY! After all, Jarrett says, look who they get behind; Jay Lethal.
Nash don't give a shit (probably because no one remembers it was Nash who jumpstarted Lethal's career with the Machismo suggestion thing.) and Jarrett's like well that's business as usual and Nash is a gloryhound and an egotistical son of a bitch. Nash says some people claim he's the greatest worker in this business. Who? And that he makes sure he gets paid and such, and he ain't fooled by Jarrett; w/e with his taking up with Eric and Bischoff, and doesn't give a shit. As for who the best worker is... STAY TUNED AND FIND OUT! He says "STAY TUNED AND FIND OUT!"
Random Commercial-area Thoughts: Penis. Ordinarily I wouldn't think about it, but since Halo's mentioned it so often I can't get it off my mind. I'll put an end to those gay thoughts by going back to watching the muscular half-naked dudes grab one another.
Backstage, Nash points out the stupidity in Jarrett being sent home by Hogan and Bischoff after they take over TNA. STOP SHOOTING, NASH~!!!1111
Speaking of dogshit:
Desmond Wolfe w/ Jobber non-entrance vs Big Rob Terry vs Samoa Joe
I was all set to go all like "the fuck you think deh heh heh heh" and such, but then Samoa Joe comes out. Something smells burning in my room. Meanwhile, Desmond Fail acts like a failure, scaredy-pants of both other guys, cos DEY BIG~! Meanwhile, some hobo appears at the commentator's table, while Desmond squeals like a bitch, clawing at the apron as he's dragged back into the ring. In there, Joe and Bob beat the fucking shit otu of him doubleteaming, and throw him out of the ring at Chelsea's feet. And you wonder WHY I call him the epitome of failure.
Joe and Bob fight a bunch, and a legbar on Roid gets Desmoy to come in and fail it up with his leg drop. Joe kills the shit out of him with big smacks, but somehow Desmond recovers enough to beat Joe out of the ring. He then works on Bob Terry on the turnbuckle corner, and poses for mediocre audience response. Then he kicks Joe out of the ring, and goes back to punching and kicking on Terry. Big Terry then throws him away. Desmond then goes for his running-across-the-ring move that has a 90% fail-rate, and somehow it works this time.
Joe tries to run at Failure, but that Fail is contagious and he gets tossed out of the ring almost immediately. He then grabs Big Rob's leg and tries a weak-ass move on him, a spinning toe hold thing, then tries it again and gets tossed into Joe on the apron, knocking him off. Fail then runs at Big Rob to get caught in a powerbomb position, and just tossed away. Then he irish whips, back body drops, and pose for momentum boost, and special meter is filled.
However, he does not use his special, doing a kick on Desmond, then getting kicked away by Joe on the top rope. Speaking of failure; he taps out in Joe's Coqina Clutch.
WINNAR: Samoa Joe
Chelsea and Big Rob share the same expression of empathic shame, humiliation, and disgust. Big Roid goes to stare off Samoan Joseph, but Joe's all like "yo" and taps him and leaves. Desmond gets no such from Chelsea
Random Commercial-area Thoughts: Penis
Do I not understand the workings of such a system, or is this the stupidest fucking thing since The Band's whole title stripping/title shot thing from some time ago?
There shall be a 5 step tournament series for the TNA World Tag Team Championships, currently held by the Motor City Machine Guns. The first match is held tonight, and is a ladder match, and whoever wins takes that big first step to winning the series. The contestants: Beer Money vs Motor City Machine Guns.
Anyway, I see Ric Flair backstage talking about making an announcement that will cause TNA to spiral further and further down the shitt--- I mean, to "SPIRAL" bigger and bigger, which don't make sense.
1st Step Match to win TNA Tag Team Championships
Beer Money vs TNA Tag Team Champions Motor City Machine Guns
On top of the thing to be grabbed via ladder is a contract that says in big huge letters too stupid-looking to be genuine, "OPEN CONTRACT FOR MATCH STIPULATION". Beer Money begins by beating on the murder gunnaz as they pose. Then Chris Sabin gets thrown out, and they double beat on Robot Shelley. Irish whip on him, and he grabs the ropes, kicks Roode in the face, and beats on Storm. He then runs only to get double gut-stumped. They try for a double suplex but Sabin got up and catches Shelley to free him. They then knocks the Beer Munnies out of the ring and do a double suicide dive on them both.
Sabin bring sa ladder in to climb, and the Beer Moneys beat on Shelley, then pull Sabin off the ladder. They beat both Murder Gunnaz against the turnbuckle, and now James Storm puts the ladder in the corner while Roode beats on Sabin in the corner. Shelley then kicks Storm in the face, and they double Wishbone tug on Roode's legs. They then irish whip Roode into the ladder, and Sabin runs at him, then drops so Shelley can step off him to hit Roode, and then Shelley drops down so Sabin can do it, but Roode moves aside and Sabin hits the ladder.
Now Beer Munnies on Murder gunnaz, and they hoist Sabin over and double slam his penis into the side of the ladder. Now Roode distracts Shelley so Storm can climb, but Shelley breaks free, crawls under the ladder, and tugs the ladder down to stop Storm. Roode re-adjusts and climbs up, but Shelley tries to tug off, only to get bopped in the head, but then he pulls him off for punchie-puu, only to get booshed in the ribs with the ladder by Storm. He then grabs another ladder as Roode pins Shelley to the mat with the ladder.
They then use the ladder to smash the other one down on Shellith. Then they try to use it to slam into Shelley but he ducks, and Sabin dropkicks it into them both, and Shelley bounces back and stomps on the ladder on top of the Beer Money. Ladder gets pressed into Storm and Sabin botches some kind of running up it attempt and gets shoved aside, then clotheslined hard enough to OMFG DO A FLIP. Roode climbs the ladder, and gets whapped off by Shelley with the other ladder. He then props the ladder against the first rope and one of the ladder rungs.
YES TAZ, I REMEMBER ERECTOR SET! I USED TO HAVE THAT, TOO! I got my Erector Set drill taken away at the airport when I was like 7. Truly wicked people, them.
Shelley gets "taken out of the match" by Storm's antics knocking him out of the ring. Meanwhile, Shelley appears to be just fine out of the ring and slowly gets in as Storm aims to superplex Sabin off the turnbuckle into the ladder, but gets dropped into a Tree of Woe and Shelley nduges the ladder close toe Storm, and Sabin runs back and kicks it into his face.
Roode then catches Sabin in a Tilt-a-Whirl Backbreaker, and Shelley shoulderblocks him from the apron. Roode tries some shit, but gets bounced onto the apron, so that he can be slammed onto the ladder, which doesn't break. Shelley then slips out to step on Roode and jump onto Storm. Sabin then slams onto Roode, barely bending the ladder and twisting him off.
Replays later, Storm slides the ladder along the apron to knock Shelley aside. Then he gets into the ring to punch up Sabin. Shelley and Roode fight, and knock the ladder into the ropes, but both men stay on. Shelley then knocks Storm out, then starts moving the ladder aside, with Sabin bouncing on it, to try to get the contract, but Roode throws Shelley away and climbs up the ladder to beat on Sabin only to be tossed onto the ropes. Sabin then grabs the contract... and Storm breaks a bottle of beer on his head and steals the contract.
WINNAR: Beer Money
Apparently the referee was busy jacking it somewhere, so Earl Hebner comes out of nowhere and gives the win to Beer Money.
It's just like that guy from that livestream from that Botchamania about Victory Road 09; "It was on the way to being the match of the night, UNTIL OF COURSE, THE FINISH!"
And ironically involving the same two people: James Storm and Earl Hebner.
Backstage, Abyss Gallagher's it up on a watermelon with Janice.
Random Commercial-area Thoughts: I ran out of these to steal from Rob Brown
Matt Morgan vs The Pope D'Angelo Dinero
I should mention Morgan got a jobber non-entrance, so expect nothing cool. Pope is Pimpin', but Morgan shoves him off and such, then stands off. Pope Pimps on his face with punches and kicks and chopping him down and shrimpy bouncing around. But Morgan HOSSES it up and shoves him into the corner, then does his corner elbow thing. He then kicks Pope in the head, then irish whip and catches him for a slam but His Holy Darkness slides out, bops him, and dropkicks him in the back for Flank Damage. He runs at Morgan and does a knee crack to the face thing, then pinwins.
WINNAR: His Holy Darkness Pope Blackadictus I D'Angelo Dinero
Morganite attacks him from behind and does a Fallaway Slam on him. He is FYUREEUS! He runs to Carbon Footprint on him. He then tries to carbonite his black head on the turnbuckle, but Anderson Anderson runs out to be all like HANG ON and holding a chair at him. He then puts the chair in the ring and throws the Pope in. This is so obvious that the commentators sound like retards for not seeing it coming: Anderson pretends like he's gonna attack the Pope, but attacks Morgan instead and sends him running like a bitch.
Anderson jerks it up by holding the chair as if to attack Pope, but then goes to offer a hand to help him up. His Holy Darkness slides away all suspiciousy, getting to his feet and staring. Anderson then leaves.
Backstage, Velvet Sky bitches at Lacey von Erich about Madison Rayne. Apparently she's all arrogant now and wants to bring a fourth member to the group. Velvet's gonna add an exclamation point to the end of Madison's announcement: her foot in her ass. Rated XXX live on PPV.
Random Commercial-area Thoughts: Spicy Indian Dick
In the ring Madison Rayne complains about Victory Road all how she wants the decision reversed, as the stipulations were no interference from the Beautiful People, and yet apparently she was disqualified or something and none of them interfered or whatever. So she needs her title within 7 days (I WONDER WHY HURR DURR) or else she's gonna sue TNA for every penny.
And here to add an exclamation to "penny" is teh Horrible People with Velvet Sky looking all angrypants. She asks what the hell makes her think she can just bring someone into the group without their approval or even letting them know first. What teh hells is wrong with her? Madison says for her to relax, and then lets slip that blondes actually take pills to make themselves "Dumb Blondes"! They're actually secretly geniuses, as Madison points out she is.
Velvet counters instead that Madison has overdosed on HER dumb blonde pills! How about explain how she said she don't need Velvet and such anymore. She re-iterates that she doesn't need Velvet, and to pick one of the four words in that statement to help her understand it. As a matter of fact, Velvet wants her to break down this phrase: How about -I- kick -your- ass all over this ring?
Coming out to smug it up is Angelina Love, all like she don't know what's worse: Esoteric reality TV show reference (Bitches on "The Hills") or them. Angelina don't buy Velvet's shenanigans, as she knows it was her riding that motorcycle at TNA Wictory Road that got Madison disqualified, because the referees are on a 'tard streak with regards to shitty shitty match finishes.
Velvet feels she's never been more insulted than being told she was a motorcycle rider person. That person had a dumpy ass, she say. Meanwhile, this bitch right here is all yours. As for me, I'm out.
Okay, bye ever---- oh, she meant herself out, and offers Madison Rayne to Angelina to beat up. She wanders up the ramp and stares at Angelina, so she can just say "What" again and again. Madison meanwhile demands Angelina get in the ring to gief her teh title. Angelina's all like Why don't you try to come get it? So Madison just sort of shoves her. Angelina responds with a spear, then punches on her, and they spin around and such.
Random motorcycle woman appears, with a needless cleavage cutout in front. There is literally NO AUDIENCE REACTION AT ALL to this as the mystery woman beats on Angelina Love and chokes her on the turnbuckle. DEAD AIR DEAD AUDIENCE NO REACTION AAAAT AAAAAAAALL! I've never felt this empathically embarassed since the Basham's entered at No Mercy 2004 to NEGATIVE audience reaction---so quiet, it was deafening.
Madison leaves with random motorcycle woman, and Jeff Hardy backstage all muttering about how Jay Lethal will face Jeff Hardy now.
Jay Lethal vs Jeff Hardy
They lock up and Hardy headlocks, because he can't wrestle hurr durr and Jay Lethal bounces around tightly as Jeff runs, but Jeff catches him and drops a seat on him and pin gets 2. Lethal gets put in the corner and Hardy attacks but gets reversed and dropped onto the apron, then dropkicked out before he can bounce back in. Lethal then bounces on the ropes and runs out to suicide dive on Hardy.
Meanwhile, HERE BE ECW GUISE!@ Likely paid for more than just sitting to watch the show, I guess, HMMMMSPOILERSMMMMMM... Meanwhile Lethal beats on Hardy and pin gets 2. Hardy counters a move and goes for a Twist of Fate but gets tossed away and cartwheel into a dropkick and pin gets 2. Lethal now hoists Hardy up and tosses him into the turnbuckle, then irish whips him and Lethal floats over, but Hardy knocks him back and does a Whisper in the Wind on him.
I'm no expert, but I think they also hired Sign Guy... if only because he's sitting next to Raven and has a sign that says something, then "F'N SIGN GUY". Meanwhile in the ring, Hardy counters some Lethal moves and drops legs on his nuts, and pin gets 2. Lethal gets into the corner and Hardy tries a stalling dropkick, but Lethal counters and Hardy somehow goes flipping away like he got hit by a car. Pin gets 2. Lethal then catches a rising Hardy into a standing Rock Bottom into some kind of slam thing. Hardy counters and knocks him, then hits a Kenton Bomb on him to end this abortion.
WINNAR: Jeff Hardy
Backstage, Abyss and Janice head for the ring at the same time as Ric Flair has an announcement.
Random Co-- No, no more. I can't think anymore. Ric Flair is in the ring with AJ Styles and KAAZ! He calls Kaz a movie star, and AJ a superstar. Desmond Fail wanders on down like a failure, and Ric is all like "What do you want?" and Fail is like "Oi know yew Americans don't loik givin thee English any cre'it fer anything" and says if anyone deserves to be in Fortune, it's Desmond Wolfe... the guy who lost to Jay Lethal. Though to be fair, Kaz and AJ lost to him, too. Still, Desmond has no point at all.
Abyss arbitrarily comes out and the Ric Flair doods scatter. Abyss grabs a microphone and calls out RVD to come to me. After a long pause comes Rob Van Dam and Abyss is suddenly like "wait" and such like he not going to brain him with Janice. Meanwhile, it's time for him to share tha plans that THEY have for him. Frakkin GENOCIDE, dawg!~! Very soon, THEY Are coming to TNA, and WHEN THEY GET HERE, THEY ARE TAKING T. N. A. OVER! And there is nothing that him or Dixie Carter or TEH SHEEP can do about it.
THEY have asked him to continue to pave the way for them, and in that process, THEY have instructed him to get the T! N! A! title off of him. THEY laid out a blueprint not Matt Morgan. He gonna take Janice and put her 15 feet above this ring and have TEH MOST EXTREME MATCH in the history of professional wrestling, using ladders, chairs, tacks, glass, barbed wire, whatever you want, etcetera, but Janice wants a piece of Rob Van Dam's ass. His hot, sweet, taut ass.
With that sexual reference fresh in your mind, Abyss says HOW BOUT YOU AND ME GET EXTREEEME?! RVD's all like he knows what this title means, which is why he's not gonna take this personally this thing between him and Janice, but the title is his, and what he really loves about being World Champion is the standards he gets to set when faced with a monsterous challenge. He then bashes Abyss in the face and kicks him up and dropkicks his legs out. More kicking and such, and Rob Van Dam backs Abyss into the corner for punches, but gets pushed off, only to get right back on him.
Something happened but due to broken video, I turn to the Youtubes to fix it. Apparently Abyss chokeslams Rob Van Dam, when ZOMFG MICK FOLEY appears at top of the ramp.
Apparently The Taz saw this coming as the ECW GUISE run in to beat on Abyss. Security comes in and Stevie Richards kicks one and Rhino gores one and they knocks them out. A bunch of random guys come out to get killshitted. One of them looked like it could be Doug Williams, but he was far too small to be him. MORE people coming in basically one by one to get knocked aside, even some referees. A morbidly obese guy in a pink shirt, and now, the first actual TNA star to jump in: FAILURE! Desmond Fail, to you, boy.
D'Lo Brown and Terry Taylor come out now to get beaten up. AL SNOW comes out too to get beaten up. Honestly, what the fuck do they expect going in on their own like that? Now Jay Lethal is out to... beat up on Al Snow. Huh? Apparently Al Snow threw out a referee and is now working with the ECW guise. A bunch of others run in just to fight or whatever, and now Jeff Jarrett runs in all like WTF, and yells at Tommy Dreamer.
Dixie Carter is standing at ringside now looking all concern-faced. OH NOESZ Police Occifers come out to be all like breaking it up. Dixie Carter now gets up on the microphone all like "STOP! STOP IT! LISTEN TO ME! -I- INVITED THEM!" Great managerial skills there, Dixie! Inviting a bunch of hooligans to beat the fucking shit out of TNA people, then announcing you invited them at the very end, a bit too fucking late to be of any use!
Also, for some stupid reason, Al Snow is like "WHAT?" despite the fact that HE FUCKING WORKED WITH THE ECW GUISE IN THE RING TO BEAT ON THE TNA GUISE! WWF Invasion this ain't. Which isn't really a bad thing either.
TNA YAY: Ladder match, truly fun stuff. Also, me stealing Random Commercial-area Thoughts. That was cool.
TNA BOO: ECW guys brawl thing. They somehow manage to fuck that shit up by having ex-ECW but current TNA people not even knowing who the fuck they're supposed to be fighting. Also, the ending to the ladder match.
TNA WTF?: THE ENTIRE SETUP TO THE LADDER MATCH CHICKENSHITBULLSHIT. WTF IS THAT?
No more "You've just been Halonic Death Rayed" stuff. NEW CONTEST! Send in your suggestions to replace my typical exit message at the end of my recaps in red (the I am so awesome, I do all this stuff) and you'll win nothing, and maybe some fleeting fame. That's the best kind of intangible!
Feedback if you want: email@example.com
THE TWF "MENTAL WELLNESS TEST!"
With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).