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February 18, 2005
February 25, 2005

TNA.jpgNWA TNANWA TNA IMPACT ON FSN for (2/18/05)
 
AGAINST ALL ODDS PPV results:

Phi Delta Slam (Team Trinity) beat Buck Quartermain & Lex Lovett. (This aired on the countdown show)

The Disciples Of Destruction (Team Traci; Ron & Don Harris a.k.a. The Bruise Brothers a.k.a. Jacob & Eli Blu a.k.a. The Grimm Twins a.k.a. Creative Control a.k.a. Patrick & Gerald a.k.a. The Harris Boys a.k.a. “The Hairless Brothers” as Disco called ‘em in WCW) squashed Mikey Batts & Jerrelle Clark. (This also aired on the countdown show to set up Team Trinity vs. Team Traci for the next PPV)

1. Elix Skipper pinned Petey Williams

2. B.G. James & Jeff Hammond beat Michael Shane & Kazarian when the ASSCAR got the pin

3. Raven pinned Dustin Rhodes with his feet on the ropes

4. NWA World Tag champions AMW beat Kid Kash & Lance Hoyt to retain the title

5. Abyss beat Jeff Hardy in the “Full Metal Mayhem” match to win a World Title shot on a future impact (They changed it from “TLC” to “FMM” due to trademark issues no doubt)

6. DDP & Monty Brown beat Eric Young & Bobby Roode when DDP pinned Young after a diamond cutter

7. XD champion A.J. Styles beat Christopher Daniels by 2-1 in sudden-death overtime of a 30-minute Ironman match to retain the title at 31:37 (total time)

8. NWA World champion Jeff Jarrett pinned Kevin Nash to retain the title after both Sean “Syxx-Pac” Waltman and the former Billy Gunn got involved

The show was received well for the most part, thanks to the Ironman match stealing the show. Only two matches were shit on by fans. Raven-Dustin was one of ‘em. Bet you can guess what the other one was.

NWA TNA DEATHWATCH UPDATE:

Congratulations and big ups to Johnny Swinger, who finally got that release he asked for months ago. He then was immediately picked up by the WWE. Swinger has been underrated for years, and I’ve gotta give him credit for bailing on the Titanic.

Speaking of which, Michael Shane & Kazarian were legit furious over jobbing to Jeff Hammond on the PPV. Rightly so, too. Shane & Kaz were the best heel team in the company once XXX split up. There was absolutely no reason that they couldn’t have just fed The Naturals to the ASSCAR driver instead. Anyway, the whole thing snowballed into a major to-do backstage. Tuesday’s Impact tapings turned out to be Kazarian’s last show for the company. His contract was up, and he left to seek his fortune elsewhere. Kaz issued a public statement which you can read here:

I drifted in and out of paying attention to TNA during its first two years, giving a quick look at what videotapes made their way to me. The first thing TNA did that really made me sit up and take notice was the Kazarian vs. Chris Sabin “Fight For The Future” feud over the XD Title in 2003. It actually reminded me of the early-90s WWF IC Title matches with Bret Hart vs. Shawn Michaels. Two young guys on the rise, helping themselves (and each other) get noticed by having a series of great matches over a championship. Hopefully, Sabin won’t end up screwing Kaz in Montreal after publicly implying that he slept with Tammy Sytch.
Kaz stole the show at TNA’s first PPV (Victory Road, 11/7/04)  by going coast-to-coast in the 20-man XD Gauntlet. Kaz is a great worker with a great personality, and his team with Michael Shane was one of the reasons I enthusiastically tuned into Impact in spite of all the Jarretts, Rhodeses, and Cliquesuckers. Kaz is a superstar waiting to happen and the WWE would be crazy not to snatch him up.

Then again, after the situation with Abyss, it’s not out of the question that this is another worked shoot.

Also, TNA wants to get sued again. When Monty Sopp (formerly Billy Gunn) made his debut at the PPV, they decided to call him “The New Age Outlaw” by the time the next set of Impact tapings rolled around.

NWA TNA IMPACT ON FSN (2/18/05)

Results:

* PPV stills from AAO

* Jarrett kabonged DDP on “Best Damn Sports Show Period”

1) Ron Killings (w/ 3LK) pinned Michael Shane (w/ Kazarian) at 3:52 (David)

* Mean Shane interviewed Christopher Daniels

2) The Naturals (w/ Chris Candido) beat Buck Quartermain & Lex Lovett at 3:35 (Mike)

* Dustin and Abyss visited Dusty’s office

3) Phi Delta Slam (w/ Trinity) squashed Mikey Batts & Romeo at 2:32 (Waldo)

* Dusty officially made Jarrett-DDP as the main event for Destination X, which led to both coming out and you know the rest

4) Chris Candido won a sudden-death three-way “XD shootout” over Chris Sabin & Shark Boy at 3:21 (Mike)

5) Monty Brown NC Lance Hoyt (w/ Kid Kash) at 6:47 (Chris)

Getting To The Point Of Impact: Truth-Shane was the best opener in a while … They put Candido with the Nats in a “coach” type role … Dustin stole a bullrope from Dusty’s office while AMW looked on. I used to take stuff from my dad’s office, too. Then Abyss forcibly shoved a piece of paper down the front of Traci’s pants (probably his contract from the PPV). If she wasn’t shaved before, she is now … Phi Delta Slam are two fat workers from the area doing a fratboy gimmick. I know they’re bad, but they are already a guilty pleasure, largely because a half-naked Trinity is now running around with a paddle. Also, thanks to one of ‘em, no longer does RVD have the worst frog splash in the biz ... The finish in the three-way match was ridiculous. Sabin locked Sharky in a reverse figure-four type move, so Candido covered Shark to “steal” the pin. Since Sabin was also in contact with Shark when the ref counted the pin, why the hell did the pin only count for Candido? Just plain stupid … Then they followed that up with a non-finish in Monty-Hoyt. Despite Hoyt being one of the most jobbable guys on the roster, they ended the match with the lights-out gimmick. As the lights were out, new monster Trytan (Ryan Wilson) stared down Monty from the entranceway. It was actually kinda funny as announcers speculated that the power went out, as not only did the lights go out, but it killed the Fox Box graphic … Notice how they’re doing a PPV with the initials “DX” featuring the former X-Pac, the former Road Dogg, and the former Mr. Ass?

Overall over-analysis: Two crap finishes in a row made this show a stinker. Once again, instead of capitalizing on the momentum from a well-received PPV, TNA just doesn’t have any damn idea what they’re gonna do next…and it shows.

This Observer’s Thumb…………………is down.

-HDS-

Destination X (3/13/05) PPV lineup:

World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. DDP

Ultimate X match for XD Title: A.J. Styles vs. ? vs. ?

Bullrope rematch: Dustin Rhodes vs. Raven

FCA rematch: Jeff Hardy vs. Abyss

Phi Delta Slam (Team Trinity) vs. The Hairless Brothers (Team Traci)

No-DQ: Kevin Nash vs. New Age Outlaw

TNA.jpgNWA TNANWA TNA IMPACT ON FSN for (2/25/05)
 
NOTE TO READERS:

First off, one of the changes I’m making is that starting now, Eric Young will no longer be referred to as “The Other Guy.” It was never a shot at Eric, but rather a shot at the fact that they’ve put zero time into getting his personality over, compared to his Team Canada comrades. But the fact of the matter is that “Showtime” is a hell of a hand in the ring and just because TNA buries him, it doesn’t mean I have to. That said, “The Other Guy” joke will be back somewhere for someone else before you know it.

Last week’s stripmined version was a lot easier on me due to time constraints, and that’s the format I’ll use when I have to. But when things ease up a bit, I can go back to the “classic” style reviews. It may all be a moot point soon, though. Speaking of which…

NWA TNA DEATHWATCH UPDATE:

Straight outta the gate, big ups to Frankie Kazarian who just got signed by the WWE. “The Future” is a superstar waiting to happen and even if WWE drops the ball on him, I’m glad he’s getting the opportunity (and the paycheck) that his talent deserves. It’s probably too much to hope that he’ll be reunited with his on-again-off-again indy tag team partner Nova (now Simon Dean), but I can hope.

Since the plan was for the team of Kaz & Michael Shane to do a double-turn with AMW to set up a feud over the Tag Title, instead they’re going to push Shane as a babyface single star.

Alex Shelley was the latest young TNA star who got tired of sitting home with nothing to do, so he asked for his release. No word on whether he’ll get it yet. The Shelley-Abyss program was a perfect example of TNA’s attention-deficit-disorder approach to booking. The guys were doing the “odd couple” tag team bit and were actually pretty damn entertaining at it. Abyss kept winning matches for the team in spite of Shelley, yet he couldn’t do anything right in the eyes of his partner or their then-manager, Fuglylocks. So after months of build, they finally do the split when Abyss turns on Shelley & Fug, yet Abyss and Shelley never had a match, and they both remained heels after the angle. Whatthehellever.

NWA TNA IMPACT ON FSN (2/25/05)

Last week’s show-closer, the Monty-Trytan angle, was regurgitated to open today’s festivities.

Backstage, Abyss attacked Jeff Hardy in catering. ‘Byss tried to stack two tables, but they didn’t cooperate. Hardy no-sold and went after Abyss with a plastic chair. This looked like crap.

1) Petey Williams & Bobby Roode & Eric Young (w/ Coach Scott D’Amore & Johnny Devine) beat NWA World Tag champions AMW & Dustin Rhodes at 2:22. Dustin’s over the hill, but still has enough charisma and ring presence to stay over. The hosers bumped all over kingdom come for him. Dustin backdropped D’Amore, who Tenay called “Mr. Canadian Bacon.” So THAT’S who our own Canadian Bacon  really is! It all makes sense now! Devine attacked Dustin with the hockey stick, but Chris Harris made the save and double-clotheslined Petey and Young. Roode hit Harris with the Northern lariat for the pin. Good brawl while it lasted but too short to be anywhere near as good as it could have been. (Mike)

Mean Shane interviewed Raven, who said that a bullrope match might as well have been a “Girl Scout meeting” compared to what he’s been through. He asked Dustin if he’s been taking his medication, which is kinda like Scott Hall telling someone he’s had a few too many.

2) Chris Sabin pinned Cassidy Riley in a “XD shootout” at . They shook hands to start. Sabin hit a sweet plancha over the top to the floor 22 seconds into the match, which ignited a chant of “Hail Sabin.” Back inside, Riley hit a quebrada to Sabin’s back, then used the rocking horse on him (which desperately needs a new name). Sabin met a handspring with knees to the back, but then the lads blew a hurracanrana spot badly. Sabin hit a tornado DDT for a nearfall, but Riley escaped the cradle shock, and hit a sit-out slam for a nearfall of his own. They then went home right away, with Sabin hitting the CS for the pin. Good, but too choppy, and it loses a slot due to the botched spot. (Mike)

A commercial aired for Dest X. They’re getting a lot better at locking in the main matches for their PPVs, then pushing the hell out of them nonstop until showtime. That beats the hell out of the WWE, who had three matches announced for No Way Out five days before the show.

Monty Brown joined the announce table for the next match. He vowed to “transform like Voltron” when he got Trytan in the ring. Meaning, what? His extremities are gonna split off and transform into badly-drawn robot tigers? I grew up on 80s toons, but I hated Voltron with a passion. Except for the episode where the Princess lost her bikini top while they were swimming. I liked that one. The rest of it sucked, though.

3) Kid Kash (w/ Lance Hoyt) squashed Buck Quartermain at 2:28. Hoyt attacked Buck at ringside. Monty called Kash an “emu,” while Hoyt is a “giraffe” in his eyes. Kash won with the moneymaker, then the lights went out, and Trytan reappeared and re-disappeared. Tenay screamed that Trytan was sending a message “loud and clear” to Monty. Apparently, it wasn’t clear enough, because Monty asked Tenay what Trytan was doing up there. I don’t know if they’re building to Kash, Hoyt, or Trytan as Monty’s opponent for Dest X. The intrigue works okay for now, but they should probably make up their minds by next week. (Waldo)

It was only a matter of time. NAO was backstage talking to B.G. James. They disrespected Konnan, who was suspicious of NAO’s intentions. Or maybe he wondered how the hell those two became the first five-time Tag champs in WWWFE history despite the fact that they didn’t have a tandem finisher. I know I do.

4) Elix Skipper pinned Chris Candido (w/ The Naturals) at 4:24. The Nats kept interfering, but Primetime kept coming back. PT did the rope-walk hurracanrana, but the Nats distracted the ref. PT finally hit “sudden death” (Nova’s Kryptonite Krunch) for the pin. Good stuff, getting over both PT’s new finisher and CC’s new faction. (David)

Tenay talked to DDP backstage. DDP extolled the virtues of yoga and talked about his history of trading World Title wins with Jeff Jarrett. DDP claimed that all the kabongs over the years cost him “millions” in neck surgery and drove him to become a stalker of horse-faced women.

5) Christopher Daniels & Michael Shane & Kazarian beat XD champion A.J. Styles & Ron Killings & Sonny Siaki at 7:48. In an Impact first, they did the intros, then took their final commercial break before starting the match. Good move. The emphasis was on the lads trying to impress Dusty Rhodes enough to earn a slot in the Ult X match at the PPV. Styles and Daniels started to keep their issue going, but Daniels quickly tagged out to Shane. The heels took over on Truth after Kaz blocked an attempted hurracanrana out of the corner on Shane. Kaz hit a nice slingshot legdrop, then Shazarian hit a backbreaker/legdrop on Truth. West touched on the history of Styles-Kaz-Shane in a past Ultimate X match. Truth and Kaz hit the double-crossbody spot, allowing Siaki to get the hot tag and clean house with his powerhouse bit. Siaki hit the lift into a Samoan drop on Daniels, then gave Kaz the double-knees to the back spot. Shane blindsided Siaki, prompting Styles to come in and give Shane the springboard forearm. Styles went for the Styles clash, but Daniels broke it up with a stiff clothesline. Then Daniels went for angel wings, but Truth broke that up with a picture-perfect flying forearm. When the dust cleared, it left Siaki and Shane. Siaki hit the flapjack, but Kaz tripped him, allowing Shane to hit sweet cover music for the pin. This was Kaz’s last TNA match, and it was a damn excellent one. (Kerry)

They should have ended the show here, but no. NWA World champion Jeff Jarrett joined the announce table for today’s TV main event.

6) Diamond Dallas Page NC New Age Outlaw. As DDP was doing his enter-through-the-crowd bit, he got into it with Jarrett. NAO attacked DDP during this, prompting Nash to come out for a four-way brawl. The scheduled DDP-NAO match never took place, and the show ended with the two pairs slugging it out at ringside. Still though, this was easily the best match of the ex-Billy Gunn’s career. (Lance)

Overall over-analysis: All joking aside, the “main event” was booked to perfection and exactly what it should have been, given who was involved and where they were going. Good emphasis on pushing Dest X with speculation about A.J.’s challengers and no Dusty. Then there was Kaz’s swan song. Sometimes, all it takes is one excellent match to win me over on a show. See how easy I am to get along with?

This Observer’s Thumb…………………is up.

-HDS-

Destination X (3/13/05) PPV lineup:

World Title: Jeff Jarrett vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Ultimate X match for XD Title: A.J. Styles vs. ? vs. ? vs. ?

FCA rematch: Jeff Hardy vs. Abyss

Bullrope rematch: Dustin Rhodes vs. Raven

No-DQ: Kevin Nash vs. New Age Outlaw

Phi Delta Slam (Team Trinity) vs. The Hairless Brothers (Team Traci)

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).