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Saturday night. For many people this will mean steppin' out, hitting the town and painting it red. Across the globe men and women are all doing that one thing that brings us together: gettin' hammered. But if, for some reason or other, you find yourself at home well there's only one thing to do. Take that long walk to your computer, switch it on and type in w-w-w-.-t-h-e-w-r-e-s-t-l-i-n-g-f-a-n-.-c-o-m and load up the only recap that says 'bring the pain' to terrorists: The TNA Report. Because why would you need an intricate description of the show when there's tasteless jokes to be made.

I spent more time on that intro than the entire rest of this recap. I want you to know that. Jim Cornette is in the ring and he's talking about the King Of The Mountain match. Apparently Jarrett vs. Styles was supposed to take place tonight but JJ can't make it due to family issues. I like that. Tell the fans that a stellar main event was going to happen but now isn't. Genius. Cornette says he has to make a decision but before he tells us what it is AJ, Christian and Tomko make their way to the ring. Christian said that if AJ forfeited he would throw a party and let Jarrett go on, well they're going to have a party now. Cage then insults Cornette for no apparent reason. That's bound to work in AJ's favor! Anyway, Cornette says AJ has to wrestle Tomko for his chance! Who would've thought that when Christian ripped into Cornette it would have angered him!

Borash tells us that people are looking to jump to TNA! The excitement! If you want to know who, get the text service. Or if you'd prefer, Dixie Carter will come to your house, kick you in the balls and rob you! Christopher Daniels is here now, and says the strength of his convictions are too much for Sting. What the hell does that mean? Answers on a postcard. You have to embrace fate or be consumed by it, Sting.

Leticia is with Eric Young who tells us that Roode is ruining his life! Cornette appears again just as Roode slaps Eric for not answering his phone. If Roode wins at Slammiversary he can do what he wants, rape included, but if Young wins he is free, rape optional. Cornette advises Eric to win. Sound advice. Oh shit, Backlund. Backlund passed his tests and he wants to wrestle Shelley then gets angry when Cornette points out that he's old. Cornette says he has to get a release before he gets his match.

RHINO w/ Hector Guerrero vs. CHRISTOPHER DANIELS
Before the match begins Sting attacks Daniels. Sting lays out Daniels with a chair then they brawl into the crowd. Sting continues to beat the shit out of Daniels. Rhino, then lays out an Extreme Challenge seeing as he did come here to fight. On cue, LAX come out. Konnan cuts yet another awesome promo about how TNA is against LAX. They are going to punish Rhino for getting in their business. Konnan calls Hector washed up and asks him if he's gonna pussy out like a typical Guerrero (whoa there!) or man up. It's on.

RHINO w/ HECTOR GUERRERO vs. HOMICIDE w/LAX
Cide takes the early advantage with a suicide senton to the outside and a little interference from Hernandez. Cide stays in control with a back elbow and a chinlock. Rhino fights back to no avail. Down goes Rhino and an elbow drop from Cide connects for 2. A good old fashioned nerve pinch, like in school, is Cides next move and Rhino battles out. Clotheslines and a spear from Rhino to take the advantage. Rhino goes for the gore but Hernandez grabs him giving Cide the chance to attack. Cide then nails Hector and goes for the Tornado DDT on Rhino but it's countered and a GORE by Rhino puts this one to bed.
WINNER: RHINO

After the match, LAX attack like Mexicans on a one dollar bill. And before you get upset with that, read Joe's Judgement Day recap and see what real offensiveness looks like. LAX beat up on Rhino until Hector comes in to attack Konnan, only to get beaten up by LAX. Group of Mexicans beating up another elderly Mexican. It could almost be Tijuana. OK, I'll stop now. Chris Harris comes out and attempts to clean house (like a Mexican maid! Sorry, sorry) Konnan nails Harris and LAX stand as victors over the three pitiful Victorias ((c) Scrubs).

Borash is backstage with Samoa Joe. Joe is just about to speak when he is interrupted by Angle who calls him, get this, a coconut head. Ouch. They trash talk as you do but nothing could measure up to that original stinger...coconut head. Christ.

Backstage, AJ is berating Christian for getting him in trouble. Berating, fun word. Tomko finds the whole affair very amusing. Christian insists they mustn't let Cornette spread disarray and that they are family. Tomko tells AJ to cool off, slaps him and leaves. Best Tomko moment in history. Not a whole lot of competition, though.

CHRIS SABIN vs. KAZ
Lock up and reversals start us off. Back and forth but Kaz gets the advantage with a reverse neckbreaker. Kaz goes up top but an eye poke sends him to the outside allowing Sabin to hit the compulsory suicide dive. With that out the way Sabin hits a fantastic fist drop from the top rope for the advantage. Sabin controls the match until Kaz gets a legsweep and a few high flighing moves then a Yakuza for two. Sabin counters a suplex for the enziguri but Kaz hits a nice Wave Of The Future for a close call. Kaz goes for the Flux Capacitator but gets knocked off. Kaz goes up top again but is distracted by the presence of Serotonin which gives Sabin a chance to knock him off and hit the Cradle Shock.
WINNER: CHRIS SABIN

BG James cuts a promo. He can call himself what he wants, but he'll always be the Roadie to me. Anyway a redneck has been pissed off and bad things will happen. Did you know he actually wrote those songs that Jarrett was singing, Jarrett just stole credit for them? Shocking.

Paparazzi time, Lethal and Nash are cracking jokes as Dutt arrives. He says he's going to reintroduce himself. Maybe he'll reintroduce himself as someone with a direction or purpose? Probably not.

KING OF THE MOUNTAIN QUALIFIER
AJ STYLES vs. TOMKO
Tomko over powers AJ from the start, and Cage is out to watch. Cage and AJ confer before AJ goes back to being mauled by Tomko. Basically Tomko continues to throw AJ around the ring until we head to commercial.

We return and AJ is beating Tomko down with the right hand, in the commercial Cage distracted Tomko allowing AJ to clip the knee. Tomko's knee is in bad shape and AJ works it over. Angle is also out the watch. Now Joe is out to fight Angle. Meanwhile, in the ring, Tomko slams down AJ and regains the advantage. Fall away slam by Tomko gets a two count. Tomko off the ropes and a Pele from AJ. Into the corner goes AJ but Cage once again distracts him allowing AJ to get a forearm. AJ and Cage discuss something or other then Cage distracts the ref so AJ can get a chair. Big boot by Tomko for two and now Cage has the chair. Cage gets the chair snatched off him by Tomko but this allows AJ to get the roll-up for the win.
WINNER: AJ STYLES

Tomko and Cage, Joe and Angle argue and the show ends.

Well, that's TNA for this week. Check back next week unless I grow a social life in the next seven days.

SHOW HIGHLIGHT: First match, love LAX.
SHOW LOWLIGHT: Mediocre and pointless Sabin match.

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Hello there, single adult males with nothing better to do, and welcome to the TNA Impact Report. I must first heartily apologize for not giving you your weekly dose of mediocre but I was busy (and I know this will be a touchy subject for some of you) having a social life. Yup. But with Bacon and Joe updating who the hell cares where my recap is anyway. For those of you that are desperate however, here's a Family Guy's Ollie Williams-esque recap:
OLLIE: THE BOOKING WAS BAD!
Thanks, Ollie.

Your tag team champions Team 3D are making their way to the ring. Ray says that the Steiner's want to talk to them and right on cue they come out. Ray wants to make it clear that it is an honor to be in the ring with one of the greatest teams of all time. Aw. If it wasn't for the Steiners they wouldn't be there today. It's true, they saw the Steiner's and thought "shit, I need to go to Philadelphia and set fire to a fuckin' table". Scott then serves Ray a slice of fresh pwnage, calling hi a fat ass and pointing out that they know how good they were. Fuck yeah. The Steiners take issue with the Dudleys being 'WCW Champs' as they were never on the roster and never in a WCW ring. I guess they were too hung up being in a good promotion. They go on a bit about all the stuff they've won and people they've beat. Surprisingly, Rick fails to mention how he's the Dog Faced Gremlin. It's almost as if he wants us to forget. Ray continues to be a pussy, saying that 3D like them. They LIKE them. He finally gets to the point that the Steiners have never beat 3D and a Slammiversary match is made. In the words of Peter Griffin (quoting Family Guy again): "Well. That was an ordeal".

Video highlights of Raven and the Hemme/VKM feud which leads into Kip being backstage with lance Hoyt. BG's still away but this is Hoyt's chance to step up. He's not afraid to hit a woman. Always a good quality in a man.

BASHAM & DAMAJA (lololol) w/Christy Hemme vs. LANCE HOYT & KIP JAMES
Basham and Kip will start us off, but not before I talk about how stupid Damaja's name is. OK, so you're rebranding them so they lose their kayfabe brotherhood and making them faces. Cool, but what the fuck is up with a name like something you'd get at an Indian take out. Actually there's a gimmick in that. "He's hot and spicy and he'll have you all over the floor by tomorrow morning, it's a hot serving of....DAMAJA!". Anyways, the former Bashams dominate Kip for the first half of the match until a distraction from Hoyt leads to his partner battling back. Kip takes control, as Hoyt grabs Christy and takes her backstage. Oh dear me. Running leg lariat from Basham ends it. Hoyt runs back out but it's too late.
WINNERS: DAMAJA & BASHAM

Borash is with Samoa Joe who has apparently been without purpose since Sacrifice. Until...tonight! Yep, that's right. All that other stuff in between Sacrifice and tonight, that was all completely irrelevant. But this time it's for real. Seriously people, this is not a drill. The glass ceiling was lifted by Cornette (if he needs another one Levesque Construction are apparently very good at installing them) and Sting is his opportunity. No lights, no cameras (what great TV that'll be) just action. Tonight will be Showtime for Joe. As much as I despise Sting I'm still looking forward to the main event, cos Joe owns. End of story.

Roode and Brooks backstage and it's Roodes time. Sorry bro, you don't get anywhere in this company if you haven't come from another major federation unless your name rhymes with Samoa Joe. Eric is being given one week to answer Roode's attorney's letter. It pays to be Roode. Not in church it doesn't. Tumbleweed, anyone?

CHRISTIAN CAGE & TOMKO vs. LAX w/Konnan
I feel I need to get this off my chest...I am in love with Konnan. This guy just could not be better. No sarcasm, he simply rocks. Tomko and Cage argue from the start which allows Cide to take Cage down at the beginning. Tomko's in and Homicide takes advantage with rights and a big boot. Tomko gets the right hands to Cide then stares down Hernandez. We go to commercial and return with Cage tagging in. Hector and Konnan are arguing on the outside. Cage & Tomko are in control now with running powerslam from Tomko and knees from Cage. Hernandez tags in and destroys Cage with an overhead choke toss. It all goes, as I believe Oscar Wilde once said, 'shit crazy bitch'. Hernandez tosses Cide into their opponents and LAX just own with a clothesline/senton combo. Hernandez goes for the Boder Toss but Tomko big boots him and Cage finishes it with the Frog Splash.
WINNERS: CHRISTIAN CAGE & TOMKO

After the bell and Hector Guerrero is in serious trouble. LAX surround him in the ring but Harris and Rhino save Hector. Fuck knows why, the point is they did.

Borash is with Angle who has no respect for Sting or Joe. He...he doesn't like Sting or Joe? Well I be damned. Maybe he'll see them out there...SINISTER MUSIC. Well there was no sinister music.

KING OF THE MOUNTAIN (That's MOUNTAIN not RING so shut your face, it's no way copying) QUALIFIER
STING vs. SAMOA JOE
Wouldn't it be great if matches started with fun sounds instead of a bell? Like a rooster or a gong? Not relevant to this match in the slightest but hey. Lock up to start and back and forth action until Sting counters the Yakuza Kick and locks in the Scorpion Deathlock. Joe counters that into a choke and then a sleeper only to get to the ropes in another Deathlock attempt. Good match. Test of strength and Joe looks like he's about to take it advantage but Sting gets him with a clothesline. Daniels come down to the ring. Oh boy. Sting misses a splash and Joe gets an Enziguri and it's commercial time.

When we return Joe is in control of the match. Apparently Sting and Daniels had an exchange of words during the break. Right now though, Sting fights out of the surfboard only to get hit with a running leg lariat for 2. Sting keeps trying to fight back but Joe keeps knocking him back down until a suplex is reversed and Joe is taken down. Daniels in on the apron and chucks Sting the bat but Sting rejects it and knocks Daniels off the apron. Not even a thanks for being considerate. Daniels responds to this by nailing Sting with the bat and Joe hits a Samoan Drop for the dirty win.
WINNER: SAMOA JOE

Well that's TNA then. Strange ending to the main event but overall a pretty good one this week.

SHOW HIGHLIGHT: LAX match was decent, but I'll give it to the first 6 minutes of the main event.
SHOW LOWLIGHT: 3D and the Steiners was pointless and made Ray look like a tool.

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This week I'm gonna try something a little different for my opening paragraph, I'm going to cover what's hot in wrestling news. Unfortunately, due to the terrible burden of a social life I am forced to see what the top link on the Wrestling Observer home page is. So....how 'bout that ROH house show in Hartford, eh? Boy, was that something. I can't believe Nigel could not compete due to a back injury. And Jesus, who would've thought that-ah, fuck it. I'm gonna just lie down and take the hatred because RING OF HONOR SUCKS. And also, IT'S SPELT HONOUR YOU CRAZY YANKS. Right, TNA.

INEVITABLE TAG-TEAM FEUD BUILD UP MATCH WHERE ONE MEMBER FROM EACH TEAM, ACCOMPANIED BY THE OTHER GO AT IT BUT IT ENDS UP IN A BRAWL INVOLVING EVERYONE ANYWAY
SCOTT STEINER w/o Tomko! vs. HOMICIDE w/LAX vs. DEVON w/Ray
Way to buck the trend, Scott. Cide and Steiner discuss working together, they're heels y'see, but it doesn't last as Devon attacks Steiner. Devon takes control of the match, with 'Cide and Steiner taking it in turns to receive beatdowns. Cide attacks as Devon lays right hands to Steiner and Devon gets hit with a double suplex. Hector Guerrero is watching on. Steiner takes him down and does pushups as Cide gets a two count. Devon now being dominated by the two large'uns, with Steiner hitting a massive belly to belly. Devon in the tree of woe and gets a terrific beating laid down upon him. Cide attacks Steiner, not the best move he'll ever make. Steiner lays right into Cide, but Devon breaks up the recliner. Devon and Steiner square up and Devon gets a neck breaker. Devon's back in control and Steiner and Ray brawl. Meanwhile, Machete distracts the ref giving Hernandez the chance to run in for the Border Toss. Cide covers and that's all.
WINNER: HOMICIDE

Borash is waiting for Christy Hemme but gets Steiner instead. I believe that is the definition of disappointment. Steiner says Tomko and Cage suck, his brother would never have let that happen. Poor, Scott, if only his brother had adapted to the future by shaving his head and hitting the steroids harder than an Irishman hits a woman. If only.

Hemme arrives and says her boy will be here at sacrifice and she has an announcement to make. Ah, TNA, always with the announcement. The VKM joke that it's Serotonin. Guffaw! So, Christy comes out to the ring and the VKM are watching. Then they get jumped by....THE BASHAMS! Yes, just the Bashams, sorry. Lance Hoyt makes the save.

A video package about Jeff Jarrett's transformation. I'd transform him...INTO A BLOODY PULP! MWAHAHAHAHA! Yes.

SONJAY DUTT & JAY LETHAL vs. ALEX SHELLEY & CHRIS SABIN
'The Black Machismo' and Shelley will start us off. Typical lock up start leading to Shelley choking out Lethal. Lethal fights back and takes control of the match with a double axe handle getting only a one count. Shelley fights back with the hand bite. That old chestnut. Then tags in Sabin. Shelley & Sabin lay a terrific beating on Lethal with some brilliant double team moves. Dropkick for two by Sabin then Shelley gets tagged back in. Shelley dominates than does a Jericho-style celebration. Dutt gets tagged in and hits a rana to Sabin. Dutt takes over, strut and all, then an Asai moonsault gets two. Shelley stops his momentum with a cutter but Lethal tags in and gets a combo. Dutt hits a dragon DDT on Sabin but stops Lethal hitting the elbow. Shelley's in and gets a Kryptonite Krunch for the win.
WINNERS: ALEX SHELLEY & CHRIS SABIN

Backlund runs out. Oh great. He wants his book then hurts everyone. Dutt is pissed (I hear ya, Sonjay) as Backlund thanks Lethal.

Borash is backstage with Cage. Sting and Angle are spread out across the venue. Daniels is with Sting but Sting tells him "this isn't the time". Sting says even though he had the title shot handed to him, Angle would've done the same if offered it. Yeah, you keep telling yourself that old man. Cage tries to stir it up but nothing comes of it. Angle argues that Sting's definition of 'proving himself' seems to be hitting people with a bat. Cage sides with Sting about Angle busting into their match. Christian says neither of them deserve it. This is a fine example of Christian Cage taking what would be a boring argument between Sting and Angle and making a compelling piece of television. And he's not a crazy bastard or an old man. Ah, finally, the main event. 'Bout time, there's an episode of Scrubs downstairs with my name on it.

CHRIS HARRIS, SAMOA JOE & RHINO vs. AJ STYLES, CHRISTOPHER DANIELS & JAMES STORM
Storm and Joe start us of, but what's new? That last bit made no sense but, then again, what's new? Storm puts his hat on which gives Joe a chance to beat the shit out of him after pulling it right down. Harris tags in which gives Storm a chance to run away like a Frenchman. Haha...Frenchman didn't show up as a spelling error but honour does. Retarded American TextEdit. AJ's in, going back and forth with Harris. Joe gets tagged in after Harris hits a vertical suplex. Running senton by Joe who then takes control. Spin kick then a tag to Rhino who also has a go at beating up AJ. Daniels pulls down the ropes causing Rhino to fall through. Genius. Storm beats on Rhino as we head to commercial.

RANDOM COMMERCIAL THOUGHT: Didn't I use this 'stealing Cameron's bit' thing like, two months ago?

Daniels is working over Rhino as we return with a leg lariat and a cover for 2. AJ tags in and they double team The Man War Machine Beast. AJ applies the mighty chinlock but Rhino battles to his feet only to be taken down by Daniels. Team Heel get the advantage as Daniels locks in the illegal choke while AJ distracts the ref. Storm drinks a beer then tags in to beat down Rhino. Storm spits beer in Harris's face. OH. NO. HE. DI'. 'NT. Rhino manages to tag Harris who cleans house, laying right into Storm. Daniels manages to take him down but then Joe is in and then everyone is in. Impressive high impact move all round, my personal favourite being Joe's snap powerslam. Harris tries to use the beer bottle but the ref stops him, allowing Storm to roll him up for the win. It's ok that he won though, cos he grabbed his tights. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE? TELL ME, MIKE TENAY, MAKE SENSE OF THIS STRANGE FUCKED UP RIDDLE?
WINNERS: AJ STYLES, CHRISTOPHER DANIELS & JAMES STORM

Harris and storm brawl all over the place as Angle and Sting come out of the tunnel brawling. Loves a brawl, does Russo. Cage comes out to watch and is absolutely loving it. The officials break it up but Cage wants it to continue. Roll on, Sacrifice.

SHOW HIGHLIGHT: Angle/Sting/Cage. Emphasis on Cage.
SHOW LOWLIGHT: Disappointing debut for the Bashams. They did nothing wrong but no one wants to start a career off feuding with the VKfuckingM.

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Never again. Never again will I ever be forced to watch not one but two poorly booked show centering around an aging wrestler who peaked in the mid nineties. NEVER AGAIN, I SAY! Oh yes, I certainly learnt a lot whilst recapping Smackdown last week. Mainly that I should appreciate TNA but also exactly how bad Sting is going to get. Sure it starts with the lights going out and disappearing but mark my words he'll be commanding lightning before you know it. Just something for us all to look forward to.

Right so, TNA. To kick off the show Sting makes his way to the ring but Angle attacks him with a chair! Man, I'm so glad I don't have to listen to Michael Cole this week.
MIKE TENAY: Angle just hit Sting with the chair!
MICHAEL COLE: That despicable human being Kurt Angle has just sabotaged the skull of Sting with that uncompromising steel chair.
Anyway, security stops the fight and we move swiftly on.

Borash is backstage with Cage. He calls them pathetic, agrees that they have a gripe and is going to sort it out. Yeah that's cool and everything but is it a shark eating a seal? No it most certainly is not.

Anyway we're back with Sting and Angle in the ring scrapping over a title shot. Angle says he has a problem with Sting. He had to make it clear, the chair shot may not have given it away. Sting says he attacked him because Angle cost him the title. Again, that was just in case it wasn't self evident. Christian Cage inevitably makes his way out to the ring and asks if we can't all just get along. He agrees that Angle is an asshole (who doesn't) but the asshole has a point, even though he did cost Sting his chance at the title. Cage is a humanitarian apparently so he'll solve the problem. Sting and Angle will face AJ and himself. Oh what's that? Two rivals teaming up? The evidence for Stingdertaker continues. Whoever gets the pin or submission if Angle and Sting win will get a title shot at Sacrifice. Sting says he already has a title shot but Angle calls him a pussy so he excepts. Now that's a champion, right there!

Leticia is backstage with Team 3D. They have achieved their legacy by getting the NWA Tag championships, the most important ever (they were just warming up with all those other titles). At Sacrifice they've got Tomko & Steiner and LAX but tonight it's Rhino and Joe.

TEAM 3D vs. RHINO & SAMOA JOE
Rhino and Devon start us off taking it in turns to shoulder block each other. Ray in to take Rhino down and now Team 3D want Joe. Joe comes in and takes the immediate advantage only to miss a knee drop and get mullered by a german from Ray. Joe retaliates with a huge T Bone. Ray takes him down but misses an elbow drop and the two stand off. They lock up and Ray takes control. A pin after a back suplex is interrupted by Rhino and now everyone's in. Ray hits a Uranage on Joe and Rhino gets a GORE. This match is really starting to get good, so it finishes. Chris Daniels runs out with a baseball bat and attacks Rhino.
WINNER: NO CONTEST

Joe tosses him into the ring and Rhino and Ray hold Daniels as Devon hits a headbutt. Get the tables, etc. Joe gets an Enziguri and Rhino Gores Daniels through the table. All 4 celebrate. Aw.

Borash is with Cage and AJ. AJ always goes to Cage first and he doesn't like being volunteered for these matches. Well if he didn't want people to think they own him he shouldnt've been born so damn pocket-sized. Cage says after they beat Sting and Angle there will be no contenders for AJ. They kiss and make up. Aw.

Roode and Brook are in the ring, Rode is pissed off. He's going to fire Young tonight. Not a bad idea, really, what with all the attacks and secret allegiances and stuff. He demands for Young but gets Cornette. Well if that isn't just like asking for a fiver and getting fifty quid I don't know what is. Cornette says JJ is staying home for beating up a women (oh, how this show differs from the WWE). He stayed out of it but now he's getting involved. Apparently Roode tampered with TNA contracts so Cornette could take him to court of fire him. I bet he doesn't do either. He says Roode better drop it. Roode says he's going to fire Young anyway, on the grounds that if something could be done Jim wouldn't have waited until the very last minute to do it. Fool! Doesn't he realise Cornette's American! Now Young comes down to the ring but ends up getting the shit kicked out of him for about five minutes until security decided now is a good time to cut in. Cornette says if Roode thinks that he's a bad man, he's going to act the part. It's JJ and Roode at Sacrifice. Eric Young doesn't seem to mind that JJ's coming in and stealing his thunder for a feud he's been building for weeks. How nice of him.

We see a video package of Abyss with Mitchell saying Abyss is finished and has been replaced. I bet you it's with Jerry Lynn. I bet you.

STREET FIGHT
JACKIE vs. GAIL KIM
Well neither of them are wearing correct Street Fight attire (jeans and shirtless) according to Sean's Fan Laws so this is not going to be good. Oh yes, I'm that quick to form a negative opinion of a match. Anyway Kim attacks with the always lethal cookie sheet to gain the early advantage. Outside the ring with Jackie get slammed in the ramp and straight back in again. Kim finds a strategically placed trashcan full of weapons and chucks it in. Kim attempts to hit her with the aluminum can but Jackie finds a stick which is obviously much more affective. Jackie gains advantage with the cane until Kim powders her, not in the makeup way or the Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction way. Kim chokes out Jackie with a bra. Aaah yeah. Jackie gets a chair but a dropkick by Jim ends this.
WINNER: GAIL KIM

Storm runs out as Jackie beats down Kim. They start to batter Kim but Harris shockingly makes the save. Apparently he can see now. Good for him.

Christy Hemme has a surprise for Sacrifice. Not sure that was worth it's own paragraph to be honest. I almost feel as though I should fill it out with meaningless sentences that serve no significant purpose other than to overcompensate for the somewhat uninteresting sentence I was forced to write in order to fulfill my recapping duties. There we go.

Right then, a continuation of the Paparazzi thing that was happening last week, Basically, Backlund beats down Sabin. Not with a walking stick, surprisingly. Then they jump Shelley and steal his book. Hurrah! Right, main event so I better tell a joke to lead into the final section. The problem here is I don't really do jokes, I like to think of my humour as being subtle and interlaced with the recap. Or I'm just crap. Ok, so, Chris Sabin and Sabu walk up to a farmer and the farmer says "are you Chris Sabin and Sabu?" and they say yes and are very pleasant, signing autographs for him and his wife. Fuck.

STING & KURT ANGLE vs. AJ STYLES & CHRISTIAN CAGE
Cage and Angle start us off with Angle taking the early advantage. A toss gets a two count and he tags in Sting who also dominates Cage. Press slam on Cage and then a splash for two but Cage battles back with some help from AJ. AJ is elbowing Sting in the corner as we go to a commercial break.

As we return Sting is taking a beating. OK, so he's not all Undertaker yet. He rallies back but to no avail as AJ tags in and starts to beat him down. Sting rallies back only to be tripped up but this time he manages to toss AJ across the ring, allowing a tag to Angle. Angle obviously cleans house, as you do, then Germans everyone and covers AJ for two. Cage pulls Angle outside of the ring and they brawl. Cage gets back in and attacks Sting before going to talk to AJ. Probably not the best time for a chat as Sting floors them both and hits a double Stinger splash. Cage eats a death drop but Kurt Angle only goes and breaks up the pin! AJ runs in and gets a double uranage but neither man pins so Cage breaks it up with a chair. Now AJ has the chair as Cage beats down Sting. Conchairto attempted on Angle but he ducks out of it and suplexes Cage to the outside. Double ankle lock on AJ and he taps. Oh, what a predicament.
WINNERS: ANGLE & STING via DOUBLE SUBMISSION

Cornette comes out and calls it a 3-way. Oh, so it was was a steam train that's been coming at me. God, you'd have thought it would have been obvious. The end.

SHOW HIGHLIGHT: It was a really good main event, as obvious a pick as that is.
SHOW LOWLIGHT: The tag match being cut off early, that could've been great.

Thank you very much for reading, my name is British Bullfrog, goodnight Wrestling Fans.