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April 05, 2007
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 TNA Impact Report

Ello ello and welcome to part one of this weekends Bullfrog Double Bill. That's right instead of getting just the regular TNA 'recap' (I say recap cos it's not so much a recap as a public execution of Russo's booking skills) you also get me filling in for Anvil with the Smackdown recap! You know it's funny, just the other week I was thinking 'If only I could recap more crappy shows in one week'. Anyway, without further ado, lets watch TNA throw away one of the biggest cash draws the company's ever seen for free.


Lock up to start as Tenay and West welcome us to the show. Hammerlock by Angle but Sting escapes and slams his opponent into the corner twice. A Stinger Splash leads to a Scorpion Deathlock but Angle counters and applies the Ankle Lock then sends Sting outside. Sting gets back in only to eat some forearms from Angle. Clothesline by Sting who stomps on Angle's hands then takes him to the corner. Sting lays the boot in but Angle counters with a belly-to-belly. Angle sends Sting to the floor but Sting drags the gold medalist out with him. They brawl into the crowd with Angle slamming Sting into the wall. Team Cage then run out and attack both men for an always satisfying ending, the no contest.

Yeah it was stupid to give that match away, but on the plus side it didn't even get three minutes and ended in a no contest so if I did have to pay for it I'd sue. Team Cage beat down. Angle gets beaten down by all comers while Steiner gets the Recliner on Sting. Steiner gets back in the ring and Team Cage beat the living gold medals out of Angle until Sting runs back in and cleans house with a chair. God he's just like a geriatric super hero. Na na na na na na na na OLDMAN!

Jeremy Borash is backstage with Team Cage. Cage says Mission Accomplished. The mission, by the way was for all of them to get chased off by one guy. Oh wait no apparently the mission was to take out Angle. He's tired of Angle trying to make a match that isn't his, there are no second chances. Sting is going to get his chance and he will then get no third chances. Wait...what? Anyway West is here and he says if Cage gets Disqualified in a title match TONIGHT against Sting, the title will change hands.

SABIN STAMPEDE (Winning team advances into a triple threat with Chris Sabin for the X-Div title at Sacrifice)

Sharkboy and Kaz start us off with Sharky getting some kicks and then a Shark Bite. Williams in and hits a front lung blower on Kaz, but Shelley stops a Destroyer. Dutt comes in with a vengeance, a slingshot Rana on Kaz then a knee buster and a neck breaker. Asai moonsault gets two but Shelley stops the momentum with a finger in the eye. Petey's in and hits a Russian Legsweep for two. Senshi in, laying in to Petey with kicks. Jay's in and hits a suicide dive on Shelley as Sharky gets a knee buster to Kaz. Jerry Lynn gives Sharky a taste of his own medicine by biting him then a TKO connects. Leg drop on Kaz as Senshi dives on a load of people. Dutt gets a dragon DDT on Kaz then Jay follows in up with an elbow. Actually this match was quite a lot like a stampede, goes by in the blink of an eye contains a shitload of creatures and is damn damn chaotic.

Nash comes out to congratulate the winners but Dutt is pissed off that Lethal stole the pin and is having none of it.

Borash is with Angle who is surrounded by medics. Sting is here and says although he and Angle don't see eye to eye they came to settle it man to man. Sting will take the title shot, and he may be the aging veteran (emphasis on aging, fucker) but it matters what is on the inside (what, like a shitload of NyQuil?). Tonight, it will be Showtime! Uhm...insert 'he's old' joke.

A video package is shown for the Roode/Young saga. I say saga in the loosest sense of the word cos that implies something even remotely interesting/entertaining. Let me make it clear that I have found this particular angle neither. Which is a shame because both men are very talented performers and can be brilliant if given the right material. Anyways, Roode is in the ring with the lovely Ms. Brooks and he wants to know who Eric's friend is. Young makes his way out and Roode DEMANDS to know who he is. He DEMANDS it, damnit! Eric says his friend has been there for him, throughout his career. Roode starts slapping Eric up but then Eric levels Roode and POWERBOMBS Traci! Eric starts to gain advantage but Roode battles back and starts laying into Eric with a chair. A bloodied Eric is handcuffed and Roode DEMANDS to meet the friend. He has to the count of 3. 1....2....3...Jeff Jarrett's music hits! Jarrett runs down and cleans house. He destroys Brooks with the Guitar of Doom as Roode watches on quite unhappily. That's actually a pretty good twist to the angle.

Borash is now with Steiner and Tomko, who interestingly enough have enough brain cells between them to give a small electric shock to an ant. Steiner is the most decorated athlete ever, JB is forced to stand in the shadow of his MIGHTY ARMS. He tells Tomko about his pre-absolute freak days with the Steiner Brothers, so he needs to step back and see how to win. Tomko mocks Steiner, I won't bother with what he said it wasn't exactly comic gold. Barely even comic bronze.


Konnan is on commentary so everything is going to be alright. The least interesting members of both teams start us off (you figure it out). Right hands are exchanged then Ray gets tagged in and Tomko eats a double flapjack. Ray with the rights then a corner splash but Tomko comes back with a big boot and tags in Steiner. Steiner hits the chops then Ray reverses an Irish Whip for a Bubba Bomb which gets a two count. Ray with the chops as Hector Guerrero comes out to watch the action. Steiner hits Ray with a massive overheard T Bone. Tomko gets tagged in but they end up clotheslining each other. Consider my disbelief suspended. Devon gets tagged in and he hammers Tomko with the righthands then both members of the opposition get neck breakers. Devon nails Tomko with a powerslam but Steiner breaks up the pin before being thrown out of teh ring. Ray gets a Slam and Devon goes up top but Steiner throws him off. Homicide and Hernandez distract the ref and knock Tomko to the floor. 'Cide runs in and hits a Rana but Tomko catches him and gets rid of him. 3D on Tomko finishes the match.

Steiner and Tomko do something American racists have been trying to do for ages and get rid of the Mexicans. Now if Steiner and Tomko can do it, just how stupid are American racists? Answers on a postcard.

It's time for your weekly dosage of Paparazzi Productions, and it's one of the few things in the world of wrestling that always goes down smooth. Shelley is following Backlund on his walk from his hotel to Universal as we start to sip this cocktail of humour. I'm sticking with the drink metaphor. He asks if Backlund remembers Nash beating him in 90 seconds, Shelley says he bets he could beat Backlund in 90 seconds. Bob picks up some stuff then Sabin jumps out from a tree. K. Still cool though.

Angle is STILL being attended to. Jesus Christ, what a girl! Cage is most pissed about having to face Sting tonight. He mocks Sting and says he is the real deal. Good for him.


Sting attacks Cage on his way to the ring and a brawl ensues with Sting choking cage with his jacket. Sting slams Cage into the railing then sends him into the ring and throws him into the corner. Stinger Splash for two (does he really think that'll ever get 3?). Cage rakes the eyes and goes up top but Sting tosses him to the floor. Looks to be a pretty good match but that's just a guess cos it's commercial time.

We return with Cage in control of the match. Next week on TNA Jackie vs. Gail in a street fight and Team 3D take on Rhino and Samoa Joe. Sting does the Hogan-esque 'I'm old so I have superpowers' invulnerability comeback and hits a backdrop. Press slam from Sting then another Stinger Splash. Irish Whip misses and Cage goes for the Unprettier but Sting turns it into a death drop for a two count. Cage goes up top but Sting chases him up there and hits a superplex. Angle's out now and he beats down Cage. Goddamnit.

Sting realises what's gone down but Angle has already grabbed his bat, Sting gets it back though and levels Angle with it. The end.

SHOW HIGHLIGHT: The first 7 minutes and 20 seconds of Sting/Christian
SHOW LOWLIGHT: The ending to Sting/Angle

Send feedback to British Bullfrog

There's very little to say about British Bullfrog that many a youth offender officer hasn't already; and if there is, it's probably already been said by one of the three regular readers of his TNA recaps. Sometimes he wonders whether it's really worth giving up hours a week of his life to recap the awfulness that is Total Nonstop Action Wrestling, but his loyal boss Sean Carless is always on hand with a Prozac to take away the pain.

 TNA Impact Report
British Bullfrog
British Bullfrog

Yo, yo and indeed yo. I'm back but only mentally, spiritually I'll never leave those two weeks of community service. Muchos Gracias as they say in Germany to Neil Cathan for filling in the past two weeks. Although I am a tad annoyed, I especially asked for someone crap to fill in for me so I wouldn't look bad but apparently my requests count for nothing these days. Hmph. Right now..what am I supposed to be doing...ah yes, the recap. But before I do it I'm going to recap everything I missed...in 2 seconds. Sioudhgawue! You probably should've taped that and slowed it down. "But you didn't say it aloud you typed it" Shut your face Italics Contradiction Man.

To start us off on this fine eve, Mike Tenay himself brings out..oh Christy..Jeff Jarrett. Now since I heard that Double J himself had returned I vowed to stay positive and not put a downer on the show with negative recapping. Still, I'm making no promises. West verbally sucks off JJ for a while then Tenay says he returned and took out JJ with the guitar, and he shocked everyone. He has, however, proven himself a new man. I swear to God if he swerves now I'm gonna kill someone. And that someone's name will probably rhyme with Vince Russo. JJ says he's decided it isn't all about him. ROFL. Apparently he's going to give back: step one was last Friday, step two was Lockdown and step three is going to shock people. Kurt Angle makes his way down. He says he was the one that invited JJ back and no one trusted him but Angle and now Jarrett's gone and given the title shot to Sting. JJ says Sting was just in the right place at the right time and Angle wasn't. Hey this actually a pretty goo-oh wait here's Sting. Jarrett leaves and Sting and Angle square off. He reminds us that he's been in the business for twenty years. It fuckin feels like it mate. Sting does the heroic thing and stupidly puts his title shot on the line in a match with Angle next week.

Backstage, Team Cage are generally pleased. He's got a shot at the tag titles with Abyss as his partner, Abyss is widely mocked and it's apparently his last chance. They then set up the big neon FACE TURN sign, just in case.

Daniels comes out with the Sting mask and bat. You know it's funny, a few weeks ago I made a joke about Daniels having the bat being ridiculous cos it's Stings 'trademark'. I supposed I should've guessed that was what it was all about when I wrote 'ridiculous'. Daniels and Joe to start us off, Daniels applies the headlock but a shoulder block gets him nowhere and he ends up on the floor at the expense of Joe's right hand. Joe locks in a choke and they battle, leading to an Atomic Drop by Joe. Daniels tags in Rhino then AJ tags himself in. Rhino lays into AJ then hits a backdrop. Rhino tags in Joe who goes to town on AJ until he gets his eyes raked and Daniels gets a tag. AJ and Daniels argue which gives Joe a chance to battle back and hit a running knee to Daniels. Rhino tags in and takes out the former tag team champs and hits AJ with a TKO. Pin on Daniels after a spinebuster gets a two count. Joe throws AJ out of the ring and goes after him as Daniels hits Rhino with the bat for a three count.
AJ and Joe battle after the match and Joe generally pwns him.

Jeremy Borash is with Krazy Kurt, who says Angle was full of shit. He plans to push him aside. Careful though, he's got ever such a bad hip and awful arthritis. Cos he's old...haha...ha.

Roode takes advantage of a distraction from Miss Brooks to attack Harris. Back elbow from Roode then a slam for a two count. Off the ropes and Harris with the right hands but a suplex attempt is countered into a neck breaker for 2. Storm is watching from the ramps, but I seriously doubt he'll get involved in the match. Harris hits a lariat then a bulldog gets 2. Brooks yells at Young. What's that smell? Oh it's this angle, I think it's gone off. Harris connects a Catatonic but Brooks pulls the ref out of the ring. Roode grabs Harris' handcuffs and nails him with them for three.

Young and Brooks argue and eventually Eric snaps and slams her to the ground. Roode has mixed feelings about the whole situation so he slaps Eric and sends him to the ring. He is tired of Eric making a fool out of him, he wants to know if Eric is mad about his friend Petey. Eric says it wasn't Petey but won't tell Roode who it really is so Roode says he'll fire him if he doesn't say in 7 days.

Mitchell is yelling at Abyss backstage and says if he doesn't bring Christian gold his mother will go to prison. NO! How dare that dastardly Mitchell try and bring a murderer to justice! Now that's what I call a heel.

Paparazzi Time and Machismo is in the hizouse. Shelley is told that Dutt and Machismo will go over for the 3 way title shot. Dutt is wearing a Diesel outfit. Sweet mercy that is the best thing I've seen on TV for some time. Youtube magic. Dutt says Nash has done nothing for him and all he is now is a joke. A fuckin funny one though, if it's any consolation.

Tenay and West are joined by LAX and Konnan for....

Cage and Devon start us off and Cage gets the advantage. Cage goes up top but Devon hits a nice neckbreaker off the second rope for a two count then tags in Brother Ray. Ray hits a side slam then a leg drop on Cage but the heel manages to get a tag to Abyss. Abyss and Ray brawl as Hector Guerrero watches. Abyss takes him down but Ray fights back and hits a Uranage for two. Devon gets the tag and a double flapjack gets a two count. Devon goes off the ropes but eats Abyss boot then gets clotheslined. Cage gets tagged in who goes up top then a right to Devon. Cage chokes Devon out then hits a snap mare and some kicks. Abyss gets the tag and Cage pushes the bit man around. Devon gets hammered with some rights then an Irish whip but Abyss misses the corner charge and Devon hits a clothesline. All 4 men pile in with Ray backdropping Cage. Abyss takes down Ray and grabs Devon as Cage goes up top. Devon escapes and shoves Abyss into Cage to knock him down. Abyss eats a 3D and that's all she wrote.

Cage has a right old go at Abyss until the big man finally goozles the fucker but Mitchell stops him. Cage spits on Abyss and gets a beating but once again Mitchell prevents it. Mitchell slaps Abyss and now it's his turn for a goozle. Team Cage run out and beatdown Abyss. Abyss battles back though and starts dominating. Mitchell pulls out a phone and threatens to turn in his murdering mother but he hits him with a Black Hole Slam that they felt in China. Abyss goes to fetch some tacks but he gets beaten down by Tomko and Steiner. Cage gets a chair and nails Abyss. Abyss then basically gets teh shit beat out of him with all kinds of weapons and a Conchairto and is left a bloody mess. Nice.

SHOW HIGHLIGHT: Last segment had me marking out, and I'm not ashamed of it.
SHOW LOWLIGHT: Fuckin Eric Young angle.

Anyway thanks again to Neil for filling in. I'm British Bullfrog, Goodnight you cheeky vixens.

Send feedback to British Bullfrog

There's very little to say about British Bullfrog that many a youth offender officer hasn't already; and if there is, it's probably already been said by one of the three regular readers of his TNA recaps. Sometimes he wonders whether it's really worth giving up hours a week of his life to recap the awfulness that is Total Nonstop Action Wrestling, but his loyal boss Sean Carless is always on hand with a Prozac to take away the pain.

 TNA Impact Report
British Bullfrog
British Bullfrog

Neil Cathan signing in with the TNA iMPACT rant, for a second week in a row. I'm already excited because I heard a whole bunch of silly rumours about Team Angle's 5th member, and I'm praying for something ULTIMATE...something WARRIOR...Just to see that much insanity on one team. Now that I've done a sort of awkwad lead in, let's get on with the show:

We open the show...BACKSTAGE with J.B, who's two letters off being a character from a really cool TV Show. As Doctor Borash talks to us about Lockdown, Konnan rolls on over with L.A.X, as I wonder if the wheelchair isn't just a clever way of disguing that Homicide's a tiny man. Konnan has a "big surprise for Team 3D." I can tell you now, it's not gonna be ANYTHING to do with Homicide. At all.

Team Angle are in the ring, waiting for Angle who makes his entrance now. That's what a team's all about. And now Sting talks about God. Great. He immediately moves on to talking about TNA, and pressures Angle to name the 5th member. When Angle tells Sting that he'll "respect him more than he ever knows", the crowd actually give an audible "Awwww." Angle has to do some "man things" before he reveals the 5th member. Joe gets in Angle's face, because the fans coudln't POSSIBLY be tired of Angle/Joe. Joe suggests that Angle is trying to get rid of the rest of his team, who could get in the way of him getting a title shot to a huge pop. The crowd are great for this show. Angle swears on America that there will be 5. Swearing to a Samoan on an American flag seems a bit odd to me.

Kevin Nash is in the ring and we have MORE talking. he hypes up an entrance by "the one, the only, BLACK MACHISMO" He looks a lot like Jay Lethal, but that could just be me. He's dressed like Savage, and we HAVE A MATCH!

Sabin comes out for a non-title match X division match: The mini-powers explode! Or something.

Fans chant for Jay Lethal, but I have NO IDEA why.

Chris Sabin vs Jay Lethal.
Solid fast paced match which is short hand for "too quick to realistically recap". Machismo does a sort of running hot shot on Sabin,and is now outside, but comes back in with a sledge from the top. BM gets crotched as he goes back up top, and catches a STIFF dropkick, Sabin follows with stomps and a senton. Don West tells us he's a conspiracy theorist, but honestly, I'd say he's just confused. BM makes a huge come back, colthesline gets two. Sabin trips BM up, and hits a nice Springboard Tornado DDT for two. Not quite as impressive as Jody Fleisch's 720 springboard DDT, but Sabin actually did it right, so I guess he one-upped Jody there. BM in the corner, and catches Sabin's foot as he tries a running big boot. BM makes a comeback charge, but takes a kick to the midsection,BM hits that sweet backbreaker/flatliner combo, and goes to the top. Diving Elbow gets three.

Leticia is in the back with Team Cage, Christian cuts an excellent promo, but that's no surprise. AJ on the mic now as he talks about taking advantage of the numbers game, and Christian tells him he's just stating the obvious, leading to the two teams bickering. A great segment is ruined by Steiner on the mic, as he whines incoherently.

Machismo and Nash are backstage talking, and Sonjay comes in, and he's dressed in a dressing gown with pink. Sorry, there's a reference there, I just didn't get it. Another backstage segment sees a generic heel promo by Roode. Eric's sitting quietly in the corner facing the wall throughout, which makes it a bit fun. Roode tells him to just stay in the corner.

Mixed Tag Match: Robert Roode and Jackie Moore vs Petey Williams and Gail Kim

All 4 wrestlers brawl, and the faces take control. Petey hits his Rana to the outside spot, as Gail lands a nice knee drop. Roode hits a big back suplex on Kim, and Williams quickly gets revenge. Cheap shot from Moore lets Roode take control, and Roode dominates Petey, before eating boot on a charge to the corner. Commercials and we're back with Jackie Moore standing over Petey Williams, who uses clubbing forearms to keep Petey down, but he ain't taking taht from no woman, and chanelling Stone Cold, proceeds to choke Jackie Moore. Roode blinds tags in, and hits a bodyslam, followed by stomping. Utter burial of the best worker in this match, as we see Gail Kim being lead up the ramp by a referee, because she needs to be looked after from that brutal back suplex. Thanks, Russo. Williams makes a quick comeback, elbowing out of a uranage attempt, and hits a rolling kick as Gail Kim makes her way back ringside! Gail Kim is a HOUSE EN FUEGO! Williams hits the dropkick into ropes and his tilt-a-whirl side russian leg sweep. James Storm runs in, but Petey sees him off, only for Roode to get a cheap roll up win. Chris Harris makes the save, tries to chokebomb Moore (VKM has clearly tought him that women abusesers make GREAT faces), but he gets taken down, and Young runs in with the chair, chasing the heels off, and Roode stares at him, making threats, but runs as Eric swings. Roode from outside the ring, tells Eric to put the chair down and says that he'd make sure Eric never wrestled again unless he put the chair down. Eric reluctantly puts the chair down and follows Roode.

BACKSTAGE with JB, who is talking to Daniels, who has a pyrofoam bat, that he scares Borash off with. Wimp. L.A.X come through carrying Runt who's trying to scream through a gag. Konnan is on crutches, and DEAR GOD, Homicide is TINY! Konnan shows JB what looks like a gun, and tells JB that Runt will pay a heavy price for Team 3D. Good old televised murder. What could go wrong?

Promo for TNA house shows, then a hype video for 3D/L.A.X.

L.A.X have Runt in the ring, as Konnan cuts a promo. It turns out it's just a tazer, and he gets ready to shock Runt, but Bubba screams for them to stop, getting the line of the night "Do not shoot our brother." That just made me laugh for some reason. Konnan clearly has a different sense of humour to me, and shoots Runt with the Tazer anyway, and leaves as Runt gets medical help.

AJ Styles vs Samoa Joe

This is our main event for the evening, and I just hope it goes longer than their last match, but sadly, we're off on the wrong foot, as the match starts exactly the same way, with AJ jumping over a low kick and dancing around. The winner of the match wins the entrance advantage for their team at Lockdown. AJ keeps dodging Joe, who feigns a low kick, and stiff kicks him straight to the head. Joe takes control with kicks to the leg, but AJ grabs a foot and pulls Joe down, only for Joe to roll through to a leg lock, AJ reaches the ropes. Joe with a chop, football kick, but AJ dodges the knee. AJ jumps over Joe's chrage, hits the ground, and as Joe comes back, goes for the dropkick, only for Joe to walk on, letting AJ drop down, where he immediately hits the knee drop. Awesome. AJ sent to the corner, but manages to get out of the way of a charge, then follows with rights on Joe. AJ runs in, gets backdropped, but lands on the apron, and as Joe turns around, AJ springboards off the ropes, for a forearm shot on Joe. Commercial, and AJ has Joe in the corner, where he's landing punches, pulls Joe to the middle of the ring, and tries for a fallaway, but just lamely drops him back frist back on the mat. Running Knee drop of his own, and picks Joe up for some forearm shots. Shoulderstrikes on the corner, followed by a choke and back rake, as Joe tries to catch his breath. AJ follows however, but Joe manages to hit the Quick right hands, and goes running, being caught by a Drop kick to the knee, and as Joe stands he catches knees to his face, but battles out with elbows, but AJ takes control back, striking Joe's head against a turnbuckle pad, before sending him to the opposite corner for a sort of Stinger Splash/Clothesline that looks awesome. Joe works to his feet, and fights back with stiff shots, and as AJ goes back for the splash, Joe catches him with a uranage in mid-air. Series of running axe-handles, and a powerslam for two. Jawbreaker gives AJ back the momentum however, and he hits the phenomen for two. Running forearm shot, but a second attempt eats boot, and Joe goes up top, only for AJ to duck, and the ref to be hit by Joe's jumping stiff kick of DOOM. Aj then hits a standing roundhouse kick that sends Joe to his knees, and signals for the clash, only for Joe to backdrop out of it, and hit the shining wizard on AJ in the corner. I want TNA to actually do something with Muta. AJ drops out of the musclebuster attempt, runs Joe into the ropes, and gets a roll-up, but Joe lock in the clutch. AJ taps, but no ref to catch it, and Team Cage runs in, only for Team Angle to run to stop them, as the two teams brawl. Jarrett's music plays, and SWERVE (~!) Jarrett hits a guitar shot on AJ for Joe to roll onto AJ for three. Jarrett has a massive smile on his face, and holds 5 fingers up. He looks so happy, and his curly hair makes him look like an innocent child.

One final hype video for Lockdown, which looks a good card.

And...I'm off. Cheer up, folks, I'm riding into the sunset now, and you'll get your usual Brit, rather than this evil imposter Brit. In the words of a not so great man though...I'll be back.


Send feedback to Neil Cathan

 TNA Impact Report
British Bullfrog
British Bullfrog

Neil Cathan making his TWF debut with the TNA iMPACT rant! I'm a virgin at this, so you'll have to be patient, and we'll just hope that this doesn't have any moments where I awkwardly have no idea what to do, which is what happened last time I lost my virginity. Ok, I lied, I've written for the site before, but a bit like Johnny Parisi, I seemed to be fated to always be on HEAT TWF Fan Forums, but I one upped him, and here I am, on RAW the actual site. Also: I'm not gonna get to make that virgin joke again, and I kinda like the joke.

On with the show!

Video plays recapping what happened last week, and after this, I look forward to seeing them live up to the "We are Wrestling" Claims. Which they spectacularly live up to with...Letica in the back with Team Cage. Apparently Tomko will fight Rhino in an "8 mile street fight." Hang on, that only works in DETROIT. The 8 mile road isn't in Orlando, Florida. Vince Russo clearly failed geography. Still, maybe this makes sense to him. Like bringing in Abyss's mom. Oh, shit, there's a segment going on. Everyone bothers Cage for their title shot, and he just kind of walks away.

<8 Mile Street Fight, Rhino vs Tomko

Clearly, this deserved a lower spot that LAX vs fucking VKM. Clearly.

Rhino runs down to the ring, and immediately runs out, to find Tomko backstage. That's lucky, might've been a bit awkward watching Rhino look for the guy while Tomko waits patiently in the ring. Anyway, Rhino unloads some right hands, but Tomko sends him into a barrier, as the fight goes to the crowd. Tomko reverses a whip, sending Rhino into the wall. Advert break, and the match is in the ring now. We get a recap of what happened in the break, and it was pretty much Tomko dominating. Rhino turns it back around, with a running spinebuster through a table stacked in the corner. Nice spot. Abyss runs out, but Rhino ducks, and Abyss's chair shot hits Tomko. Rhino sends Abyss out of the ring, and he seems upset (Maybe he should go home and cry to mommy?), Rhino gores Tomko for the three. Abyss back in, and the momma's boy chokeslams Rhino, but out comes Angle. Members of both teams run out and brawl,but numbers game plays out as Angle only has two teammates. Spiral Tap on Rhino, Black Hole Slam on Joe, and Angle is in the recliner.

And we're backstage, and LOUD NOISES! Everyone's talking, but Cornette tells everyone that they'll find out at the "town hall meeting" at the end of the show. Is it at the Detroit Town Hall, I wonder? Gail Kim jumps Jackie Mooore in Cornette's office, and security pulls them apart.

Hype for AJ Styles DVD, then tnawrestling.com. ANOTHER backstage segment, and as Team Cage parties backstage, Christian hands a topless AJ a drink, wile insisting he drinks that drink. I wouldn't put date rape past Russo. He might also book it. Cage says he's already won at lockdown. TIME TRAVEL! Either that or Cage can see the future, and if the future is one with a TNA Hulk Hogan and Big Show, I'll take the present, thanks. Steiner shouts angrily and incoherently, and Cage points out that "scarily, Steiner's not even drunk yet." Cage then invites everyone except Abyss to go party at a nearby club. Cage shouts at Abyss and tells him to clean up th mess they left while partying. Mitchell tells Abyss to clean it up, and as Abyss gets in Mitchell's face, Mitchell says he'll call "Mother Abyss." Egads. Abyss is really scared, That monster, so terrifying only his mother scares him.

VKM vs L.A.X

Hemme shouts at VKM, and Hoyt, who's with VKM takes her off backstage. Hemme's being really wasted in TNA. L.A.X comes out, and the match starts with B.G and Hernandez who dominates B.G. Both men isolate B.G from Kip, and I'd be glad to be kept away from Kip, myself. Nice top rope hotshot from Homicide while Hernandez holds B.G. Kip comes in and is a house on fire. If only. Kip and B.G go for a double team, but that guy who wheels Konnan everywere interferes, pulling Kip out of the ring. The "Latino Nation" jump the ring, drawing a DQ. Man, that's the whole nation? But they're all guys. Not a nation with a wonderful hope of prospering there folks. Team 3D takes out an entire country with clotheslines and tosses over the top rope. Bubba announces that they accept the electric cage challenge. Bubba does generic racism talking about what LAX'll do back in Tijuana, like making Chulupas and selling their mother's body for 10 pesetas a ride. They should form a FACE stable with VKM, who would eventually kill Jackie Moore, for being both Black AND a woman. And Russo would keep telling us they're faces.

Backstage, AGAIN, and Samoa Joe is shouting at Angle. Aww, Sting won't return Angle's phonecalls. Angle tells Rhino and Joe that they'll know the 4th man "when they're ready." That's clearly how you solve the problem of teammates who don't trust you, by not telling them ANYTHING.

Paparazzi segment, and Sonjay is dressed kinda funny, while Jay Lethal has hair that's a bit like mine. Copycat.

Kurt's all upset backstage, in our third consecutive backstage segment. Anyone who doubts him, he promoises us this "There will be five. There will be five". Five Brain Cells left? Five torn muscles? Five MMA fighters beaten simultaneously by Angle?

Submission Match: Austin Starr vs Senshi.

Nice exchange ends with a beautiful Dropkick from Senshi, followed by a bodyslam, and Senshi its the Muta elbow. Senshi hits a back suplex to backbreaker, in a cool move, Starr rolls Senshi out on a sleeper attempt, and hits a suicide dive. Starr still lives on however. Commercial! Back, and Austin is controlling Senshi with an indian deathlock.Stiff chops, need I say who by, and Senshi is back in charge. Follows with a springboard leg lariat, and Senshi goes for the beast choker. Austin escapes however, and after raking the eyes, hits a dropkick in the corner.Jockey for position on the top rope, and Senshi pushes Starr out of a superplex attempt, but misses the warrior's way, landing on his feet. Starr sees the oppurtunity of Senshi's injured feet, and goes straight for it with a chop block and and back suplex, holding onto the foot. Backlund makes his way to ring, and Starr applies a submission to the bad foot, as Backlund throws in the towel for Senshi. That was a great match. After the match, Starr runs from a Crossface Chicken Wing attempt, which according to SJK, is great for riot control. Senshi sees the towel, and throws it back at Backlund, saying he didn't want it to end that way.

Promo video for Sting and Abyss. Interview with Sting, who JB asks about the Mom angle. Sting apologises to Abyss, and says he had no idea it would work out like this. You told people he's a murderer, and expected it to work out WELL for him? Huh. Sting talks about retirement, which'll make your usual recapper happy, I'm sure. Sting says he has to look his children in the eyes, and know that he failed. Come on man, don't say your kids are failiures on TV! That's just wrong, dude. Oh, he might've meant about Abyss.

Company meeting with Cornette. Cornette reads the card for Lockdown. Good card. Someone REALLY awesome should review it. Someone like me. Advertising can't hurt, right? Cornette tells Harris that he'll face Storm in a match where both men are blindfolded, to even that whole blindness thing up. Also to destroy the credibility of the business, as Blindfold matches tend to do sadly. Gail Kim vs Jackie Moore, which should actually be very solid.
Next week (Which I'm doing too. Get used to me,I'm not quite here to stay, but I'm here for a while) a member of each team will wrestle, and the winner's team gets the entrance advantage. Heheh. Cage calls Jim Corennte "Jimbo." Yay. He cuts a good promo about how he's going to destroy Team Angle at Lockdown. Jimbo tells Cage to sut up, and talks about how he promised them all title shots, but Jimbo won't let them have the shots. Apparently the wrestler scoring the winning pinfall gets a shot at Sacrifice, as Christian talks about making sure Team Angle doesn't even make it to Lockdown. Lights out Sting's music plays, and Sting with Team Angle (also with failed children) clear house. Sting is now a member of Team Angle, as we go off air.


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November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).