Hello once more, TNA fans, and welcome to Remy’s TNeh Report. Right off the bat I have to say thank you to everyone who has sent me an e-mail or a PM, or posted comments in the forums. The wave of support for these recaps has been overwhelming lately, and you guys don’t know how much it means to me.

 

Okay, now that the faggy emotional stuff is out of the way, here’s some TNA news to kick off this week’s recap.

 

But first, if you haven’t read my huge and highly acclaimed PPV Rant for TNA’s Sacrifice, you can find it HERE.

 

For those of you who are unaware, Samoa Joe has been suffering from some knee problems. So, here’s what I’ve heard so far (full credit to  411mania):

 

Samoa Joe will be undergoing physical therapy on his knee for the next three months with famous sports therapist Tommy Chao in California. Joe will not be working his independent bookings so that he can rest his knee and keep working TNA shows.

The injury was to the posterior cruciate ligament (PCL), which suffered a major tear. The PCL prevents the tibia (shinbone) from sliding too far backwards in order to protect the knee from bending in the wrong direction. Joe also suffered a minor tear of the medial collateral ligament (MCL), which prevents widening of the inside of the knee joint. That tear caused Joe's knee to buckle and also was the source of swelling and pain.

The tears are expected to heal although he may need surgery in the future.

 

So, for those fans of the Samoan Submission Machine, at least Joe won’t be missing any TV time. And with that good news, lets kick of TNA’s iMPACT!

 

Highlights from Sacrifice are shown. This is actually a very well done presentation.

 

And to start the show off with a bang, we’ve got Christian Cage, coming down to the ring. Except he goes into the crowd instead, and says that he wants to know who his opponents will be for the King of the Mountain tournament, coming up at TNA’s Slammiversarry PPV.

 

The first challenger we see is … the returning Monty Brown. He’s looking ripped and ready for action, good to see. Then they pan the crowd and we see Rhino, Ron Killings, Raven, and Abyss all standing around menacingly, implying their intentions for Christian’s title. And while this is going on, I’m wondering, what the fuck? Suspension of disbelief be damned, these guys were waiting in the crowd for an impromptu promo by Christian? Somewhere on the planet, right at this moment, a guy is watching wrestling with his buddy who’s not really a wrestling fan and hears him say “you know this shit is fake, right?”

 

Jarrett is down to the ring now as well, and he thinks he’s the most qualified to be in this match, since he won it last year. This prompts Sting to show up in the rafters, claiming that since Jarrett got involved, by proxy, he’s also involved the Stinger. So … an impromptu promo by Christian leads to challengers with psychic powers, which in turn leads to Sting who has anticipated their psychic powers so that he can be in the right place to challenge one of the challengers. Or something. Whew, I need a beer.

 

The gist is, we’re going to have qualifying matches for the King of the Mountain match at Slammiversarry, and the first qualifier will be … TONIGHT!

 

But first, resolution to the X-cup tournament, and it’s next.

 

Chris Sabin vs. Petey Williams:

This is the tie-breaker for the X-cup, and it’s sure to be a hell of a match. As we get started, both guy’s teams are not only sent from the ring, but are barred from the Impact zone.

 

Match starts off at a decent pace, and it’s not long before we’re seeing some nice spots. Petey Williams starts it off when Sabin is on the floor. He leaps over the top rope and lands on Sabin to hit a Hurricanrana.

 

There’s an odd bit here where LAX is protesting this match, likely making fun of a few weeks back when Mexicans collectively went “on strike” across the US. Yes, that really did happen. And Americans collectively made “oh no, who will mow my lawn?” jokes. And Canadians groaned at their collective stupidity. And it was good. Okay, but what makes this even more odd is that fucking New Jack is part of the protest, although there’s virtually no mention of it by the announcers.

 

After trading Tree of Woes that lead to testicle stomping, Sabin picks up the momentum with a Levitation Dropkick. Honestly, words don’t do that move justice, as it does look brutal. Not long after this Sabin hits the Cradle Shock for the win.

 

Your winners of the X-cup: Team USA, once more. Geez, you’d almost think that a promotion based in Florida would be rigging it so the USA wins, eh?

 

After the match we get a beat down by Kevin Nash. If you’re like me (and chances are you must be at least a little bit, if you’re reading this) than you probably don’t give two fucks about Nash. If only Rey Mysterio wasn’t busy getting his ass kicked by Khali and Kane, he could show us that HEART is what matters, as he beats Kevin Nash once more. Or … Mysterio could join LAX in protest.

 

Backstage

 

Steiner is here, and he’s pissed. He wants action, and he’s coming to the ring to get it! Once he’s ringside he goes after the announcers, demanding that he have a qualifying match for the King of the Mountain immediately. He’s going to be out of luck though, because …

 

Here comes Samoa Joe! “Joe’s gonna kill you” chants throughout the arena. He and Steiner stare down, but Steiner walks away after flexing, which Joe completely NO SELLS. Brutal encounter there, folks. This is going to lead directly to our next match, however.

 

Samoa Joe vs. Chase Stevens:

This is a very quick match that sees Joe get the win via submission. Nothing overly impressive here, just continuing Joe’s build. The submission is basically a choke, I should mention, which looked somewhat like an STF. I’ll probably get e-mails telling me it looked more like a Vesuvian Back-Breaking Camel Knuckle Clutcher or some shit, but oh well.

 

After the match Joe continues to beat on Chase, but Andy Douglas runs to the ring to make the save. And while I’ve learned a lot about TNA the past few months, I have no clue who this motherfucker is. But the Naturals are re-united, so yay. Oh, and Shane Douglas is on the ramp observing this for some reason. And with that display of sheer ignorance, my e-cred drops a notch.

 

Backstage Segment

 

Team 3-D is here, and Bubba is upset about the outcome of their match at Sacrifice. Also, someone ate the last chocolate glazed donut backstage, and Bubba had CLEARLY written a note declaring it as his on the fridge. Watch out Samoa Joe and Raven, I’m thinking you’re the primary suspects.

 

Okay, what really happens is that a rematch is set up for 3-D vs. The James Gang, but this time, they’re doing it 3-D style … a hardcore match at Slammiversarry!

 

Rhino vs. Abyss:

 

And here you have your first King of the Mountain qualifying match. They did a great job of hyping the possibilities throughout the show, and this certainly appears to have promise.

 

Nothing technical here, just a straight-up brawl. It would be nice to see these two in a more specialized, brutal match, but oh well. Still pretty decent, even though it’s obvious as hell that Abyss is going over. Which is exactly what he does, hitting a Black Hole Slam for the win. Not a bad match, and a good way to build towards Slammiversarry.

 

Over all it was a very good show. The opening bit with Christian was cheesy as all hell, but damnit, at least it was ten times more watchable than WWE. Most importantly, there was one great match, one decent match, and one fun squash match, filling out most of the show. I have to say, it’s nice to be able to watch this with my younger brothers (much younger, they’re 10 and 12), and not have to worry about all the filth WWE puts on TV.

 

So thanks again to all of you who have shown support for TNA and my recaps recently, it has been fucking awesome. Feel free to keep sending me e-mails, or swing by the forums and chat with all the TWF crew. I do respond to every e-mail I get, and I’m more than happy to talk TNA with anyone who has the time.

 

But it wouldn’t be TWF without the other awesome writers on the main page. We’ve recently had a damn good guest column, on top of the ever-blossoming Joe Merrick, and the inconsistent James Walker. Why is he inconsistent, you ask? Because he consistently tops himself, that’s why. Only James could make an oxymoron come to life quite like that.

 

Anyway, take care, and as always, I remain,

 

Remy