If I could be serious for a minute; You see, last
summer, I made an oath. An oath that upon Triple H's big return to the WWE from
injury, that if he or WWE for that matter, could, for at least ONE YEAR,
avoid putting him in Wrestlemania's main event, I would forever stop making
jokes at his expense, because I, and people of my ilk, would have been
finally forced to eat a giant-assed plate of crow because the company
wouldn't feel compelled to give Trips his 6th straight Main Event slot at a
Wrestlemania, and for at least one year, allow two completely
non-HHH people a shot at the WWE Title and to close the show. And well, soon
therafter, as the hand-writing on the wall all pointed to the complete
opposite of that happening, again, I felt justified to turn up the tedious
overuse of "burials" and familiar HHH gags that I admittedly hammered and
continue to (sledge) hammer into the ground. But I am a fair man. So, I
will make another oath. Again.
I, Sean Carless, as previously
stated last Summer, do here by guarantee in the event that Triple H
does not main event Wrestlemania 24... in
any capacity, that I will never again ever say
another disparaging word about The Game, and solemnly promise to only say the
most positive and complimentary things about said H's from this point forward
and forever, to perhaps a nauseating and sickening ass-kissing
degree, no matter what the circumstance. Be it a defeat of a wrestler I
deem to have value, a push that I do not approve of, or even the murdering
of his family after being demoted from the prestigious Four Horsemen, I
will give a smile, shoot my best Foley thumbs up, and die a little inside, but I
shalt not falter. Because, you see, I make
this vow, because I am an idiot, and a post in our forum today has
compelled my best friend to bet me 100 (Canadian) dollars that I cannot keep my
promise of no HHH negativity, and that I will slip up. Bravado and a love of a
suddenly improved currency has compelled me to take up this
brazen challenge.
I am so confident however
that I will not slip up, that like our friend Ric Flair, I will put my own
non-existent career as a Satire Writer on the line. That's right, one slip
up (discounting the reposting of columns/rants/satires where I had already made
said jokes) and I will RETIRE FOREVER from online wrestling umm,
journalism, to which I am widely considered to be the very best and
most reputable, if in fact everyone better and more reputable on earth
dies. It's true. So, one new HHH joke, and you'll never see me
EXUBERANTLY AND NONSENSICALLY TYPING IN HUGE BOLD LETTERS AS IF I'M
ENTHUSIASTICALLY YELLING AGAIN.
However, if in the event that all
three H's does in fact end up in Wrestlemania's Main Event
(which we'll find out next Sunday), be it one on one, a triple threat, or
whatever, I will continue to carry on with my
tedious overuse of tired analogies, pictures of broken mid-carders in dirt
holes, and other never ending cycles of repetition of this sort until NEXT
Wrestlemania, wherein the cycle will start again. After all, if WWE can use the
same never-ending shtick and booking of exact same people on top, no matter
how many rainbow haired, invisible bee-swatting dudes who wear 12 year old
girl's pretty pink belts to hold up their 1990's cargo pants might be more over
and more suited to the role, I can follow suit and tell the same jokes. That's right.
But hey, I want to see if you think
if I can live up to my promise, or if I'll cave, or if WWE
will just stubbornly put Triple H into the main event at Wrestlemania again
thus negating everything written here. But a bet is a bet, and a promise is a
promise. We have 6 days to find out what's going down. If in fact, HHH
LOSES the Chamber next Sunday, I will have to watch my fucking ass, all while
kissing his-uh. The shit is on now. Let's see what happens.
If I could be serious for a minute; You see, last
summer, I made an oath. An oath that upon Triple H's big return to the WWE from
injury, that if he or WWE for that matter, could, for at least ONE YEAR,
avoid putting him in Wrestlemania's main event, I would forever stop making
jokes at his expense, because I, and people of my ilk, would have been
finally forced to eat a giant-assed plate of crow because the company
wouldn't feel compelled to give Trips his 6th straight Main Event slot at a
Wrestlemania, and for at least one year, allow two completely
non-HHH people a shot at the WWE Title and to close the show. And well, soon
therafter, as the hand-writing on the wall all pointed to the complete
opposite of that happening, again, I felt justified to turn up the tedious
overuse of "burials" and familiar HHH gags that I admittedly hammered and
continue to (sledge) hammer into the ground. But I am a fair man. So, I
will make another oath. Again.