 To his surprise, HHH found out
pretty quickly why Bobby Lashley is always a
favorite amongst the Divas.
|
"GRAPHICS & OTHER TECHNICAL DO-
HICKERY":
As far as the graphics go, they'll either marvel or
disappoint, depending on what it is you're looking
for. I personally loved it. Technically, the
animation is sharp and detailed, as on a HDTV you
can notice really cool nuances like the leather
fibers on Undertaker's coat, or the five remaining
hairs atop Shawn Michael's head; but that
said, they're being a little *generous* in most
cases with muscle-tone. I mean, Ric Flair has a
six-pack! And I don't mean the first of many beers
with an inebriated Arn Anderson, just because, but
rather ABS. Seriously,
Ric Flair hasn't had Abs since JFK decided it'd be
nice to ride with the convertible roof down. Just
saying. But other than that, the actual
ring-entrance movements of the wrestlers are
practically FLAWLESS. Thank God. Gone are the days
of Randy Orton making his way to the ring all
bow-legged, looking like he's desperately trying to
avoid dropping a load. Now, Orton walks, preens, and
poses without looking constipated, and we have THQ's
motion capture people to thank. Or maybe ol' RKO
found himself a Diva's carryall bag backstage and
followed his natural instincts? I'm going with the
first. After all, that urban legend has been
de-bunked. I hope.
As for the wrestling in the ring, most of the moves
look great, but there's still the issue of collision
detection. Either that, or Undertaker possesses the
innate ability to disperse his molecules and pass
right through people. And here I thought he just had
the ability to shoot lightning from his hands,
and come back from the dead constantly no matter
whether he was crushed, burned or buried under 4
tons on dirt. That I could buy. But come on,
Teleportation? That's just ridiculous~! *Ahem*.
CHARACTERS:
Kind of a strange line-up of characters this year,
and despite the addition of "ECW" to the game,
there's still about 10 superstars shy of the roster
they had last year. That said, there's still your
usual suspects like Triple H, John Cena, Batista and
Shawn Michaels, and a slew of Divas, including
the debuts of Kelly Kelly and Ashley! And unlike her
real life counterpart, this Ashley doesn't
start off with every limb on her meter completely
glowing red. That's a plus.
On
the male side, we see several debuts as well. So, if
your dream is to somehow take Kenny Dykstra ALL THE
WAY, BABY, you can do just that. And chances are, if
this is truly your aspiration, your last name is
probably Dykstra. Just saying. The others making
their first ever THQ appearances are Elijah Burke,
JTG, Shad, Marcus Cor Von, MVP, The Sandman, Tommy
Dreamer, Sabu, and CM Punk, sans his Pepsi and Cobra
tattoos. Poor Punk. There's no Cola love at THQ,
apparently. Not even Faygo. Not even.
 Chris Masters and Randy Orton never
did quite grasp the concept of baseball.
|
As for your commentary teams, you get access to all
THREE broadcast teams depending on what arena you
use. Those announce teams? Well, Jim Ross and Jerry
Lawler (whom I have this sneaking suspicion just
might use a lot of lame analogies about abused
government-issued livestock and pseudonyms for
breasts, instead of you know "calling the match"),
Michael Cole & JBL, and Tazz and JOEY STYLES~! Yes,
Joey makes his return to video game voice work! The
last time we saw him he was calling holds comically
called the "Pearl Necklace" and "Dickie-drop" in
ECW's aforementioned Anarchy Rulz. Something tells
me that's not the case here. The only "dick being
dropped" here is Bob Holly, who's only included in
the Nintendo DS version, apparently. Man. And here I
was hoping I'd be able to virtually violate the
trust of an untrained wrestler by pulverizing him
for no reason. Oh well. Maybe next year.
And finally, we have most people's favorite aspect
of these games:
THE LEGENDS. This time
around you have RAVISHING RICK
RUDE and TERRY FUNK to
work with. That's just awesome. And not just for the
reaction my girlfriend just had to my declaration of
Funk being THE HARDCORE LEGEND.
"He's a porn star? Who'd ever want to have sex with
him?" she ignorantly said. That's just great. I
never had the heart to correct her and fill her in
on the wrestling connotation of the name. Mostly
because Terry Funk as a porn star holds infinitely
more comedic potential. I mean, who knows what kind
of props he'd bring into the bedroom. Lighting a
dildo on fire? Throwing spermicidal jelly mixed with
thumb-tacks into someone's eyes? Hell, I doubt if
he'd even wear a condom. He IS from the Double-cross
Ranch, remember? Exactly. Besides, what's the worse
that could happen? He's been set on fire and slammed
into broken glass. What's a little STD after that?
Rounding out the rest
of the stars is Bret Hart, Mick Foley, Steve Austin
and Roddy Piper. Man, it's about time they've put
these guys in a game! Wait. That's right. They're in
like every game. Seriously, I love Bret, Stone Cold,
Mick & Rock, but how about going outside the box and
selecting some OTHER Legends, too? I mean, it's not
like they wouldn't be up for it. I just saw a video
of GREG THE HAMMER VALENTINE WRESTLING IN SOME
TEENAGER'S BACKYARD FOR MONEY. Throw the poor guy a
bone. Or at least get him to wrestle it. Apparently
he'll fight anything for money. I mean,
seriously though, there's a slew of legends out
there to choose from, so why not go for it? Of
course, that might mean actually having to animate
some new people, though. But hey, why render say,
Demolition, when you can just use Rock again,
forever? I'm just not getting into it. "OH MY GOD,
SEAN, HE'S DIFFERENT NOW, HE'S GOT A NEW HAIRCUT!."
Seriously, though, it's something to think about.
For A LOT of people, this is the selling feature on
the game. In fact, you might be surprised how well
and all WWE Legends game would sell. That said, it's
just a minor gripe, because the CAW section
is detailed enough, and with the addition of
the hard-drive theme music option, you can
probably make whatever legend your little heart
desires. So really, no harm, no foul. Or maybe Fowl.
If in fact you chose to create Terry Taylor or the
Gobbledy Gooker.
XBOX 360 VERSUS PLAYSTATION 3:
There's actually huge differences
between these two platforms as far as the games go.
XBox's graphics come across much more vibrant and
realistic, while PS3's graphics are not nearly as
crisp. I blame the fact that PS3's version is only
broadcast in 720p resolution, while XBox's is 1080p.
A HUGE Difference. PS3's animation is choppier, and
you can notice small things like outlines, which are
non-existent in the much more realistic XBox 360
version. So, if that's an issue for you, there you
go. Of course, the other big strike against PS3 is
the aforementioned issue of no customizable tracks
for CAW's. So, for my money, which usually you'd
have to pry from my fat little fingers with the jaws
of life, I think, in this instance, I prefer the
X-Box 360 version, and recommend that, if you're
debating just which version to purchase. But hey,
that's just me.
 What Kane never did realize was,
Bobby Lashley was always
the superior dancer, because he "felt" the
music. |
MY WISH-
LIST:
Although, I enjoyed this game over all, especially
due to the genuine ECW experience, that doesn't mean
I don't have a *few things* I'd love to see remedied
before next year's version is released. Here are a
few of these things:
-The commentating needs a serious over-haul. Thank
god there's the option to turn it off altogether,
because sometimes, dear god, it takes all my
willpower to not do myself in hara-kiri style with
my cumbersome X-Box controller. Jerry Lawler and Jim
Ross's efforts especially. Basically, their
commentary from the last 2 games has been replicated again, which means once again,
you'll have to hear their nonsensical banter
repeating ad nauseam like a deranged Southern
Teddy Ruxpin.
"You don't know true happiness until you're married,
JR. ...but then it's too late!" Why the Hell is this
line even in the game? It's annoying to the highest
degree. Heaven forbid, the commentators CALL THE
HOLDS, and not give me detailed explanations of what
a "Limber-tail" and "Scalded dog" is. Dear God.
-It'd be nice if you could pick ANY superstar to
compete in career mode with. Apparently the issues
with this, is that not every voice was captured for
use. But I don't know about you, but I don't really
need to hear Chavo Guerrero audibly recite wooden
dialogue. Captions are fine. I know some people are
all like "OH NO! NOT READING!", but hey, screw you.
If it means I can take more than Cena or Batista to
a Championship, then it's clearly worth it. And how
about that, eh? Even in video game form, you can't
take some small guys to the World Title...
-What are the point of the Divas as playable
characters in the game? You can't even use them in
Career mode. What's the point, really? Does anyone
really ever select them anyway as players? It'd be
different if they had a full year-long storyline you
could play that didn't involve you eventually
somehow making out with John Cena. But without
wrestling, they kind of serve no purpose. Huh. I
guess they were going for realism after all. ;)
-The aforementioned weight changes to
Create-A-Superstar. More realistic shapes would be
nice. Maybe heights, too. Not everyone is built like
a 300 pound muscle-bound Adonis. Despite Vince
McMahon's praying....
-Customizable arenas or rings. How
cool would it be to be able to create your own
custom banners and sets?
-More in-depth Storylines. Once the year ends, you
shouldn't have to recycle storylines or start all
over again. What is this, the actual WWE? It'd be
nice if there was at least 5 WWE calendar years
worth of unique storylines. Or at least maybe unique
ones depending on whom you pick.
-More Legends (see above).
- Some A.I. tweaks to how some of the wrestlers
actually wrestle. Nothing is more frustrating then
watching a match, and seeing all six men in the
Elimination Chamber repeatedly climb the structure
and jump to their dooms, OVER AND OVER again, with
no psychology. Or in standard matches, not follow up
on a big move, or just wildly swing chairs at one
another like two drunken medieval knights. It's
probably the one real issue that needs to be
addressed by next year's version. Seriously. If I
wanted to watch people with no common sense and
direction do battle, I'd just go to the bus station
and throw a few dollars at the mentally-disabled
down there. You'd be surprised how much damage
someone with Down's Syndrome can do for a half-eaten
candy bar. It's inspiring.
FINAL THOUGHTS: Once again, as mentioned, I
enjoyed this game and really recommend it. Some
people may make the argument that basically, the
game is just a suped-up version of the
same exact engine, just with a fresh coat of
paint every year, but for everyone who thinks that,
there's no doubt people who like the familiarity of
not having to relearn every facet of a completely
new game, and whom just look forward to new wrinkles
like the ECW match. For many people, it's like the
way WWE is itself. There's subtle changes, but at
the end of the day, it's easy to jump right in and
follow again, even if it's been a few years since
you've last seen it. For those people, they won't be
disappointed. Neither was I. But maybe that's
because, unlike the actual WWE, I didn't have to sit
through a *hilarious* midget sketch, or listen to
Vince cut a 20 minute promo, and instead could
just enjoy WRESTLING. Well, that and pin Triple H
repeatedly with a guy who has "no passion for the
business". Just because I can.
Thumbs up~!
Sean Carless is a man of
many hats. And he wears those hats to cover an
ever-increasing bald spot. Sean's various
scribblings have been read at Live Audio Wrestling,
411 Mania, Honky Tonk Man.com, The Toronto Star.com,
Wrestlecrap, and Lethal Wrestling. He has also cured
AIDS.