Hello everybody and welcome once again to your Lowdown on Smackdown! I'm your host, Shane
Steele, and tonight's Smackdown actually looks pretty interesting, what with the tag title match and Kozlov vs. Khali sure
to be entertaining solely for crowd reaction alone.
We kick off the show with Chavo and Vickie backstage, which is always never a good sign. Chavo
says that Undertaker let him go after last week's choking session because he wanted a message delivered. Really? I could've
sworn it was because Hell would've revolted if he sent Chavo down there. Chavo says the message is...Taker's STILL coming
for Vickie! Yes, he's still beating that horse! Vickie says Big Show will stop UT and sends Chavo to get him. Jeff Hardy comes
in and says he wants a match with Kozlov, but Vickie shoots him down and tells him to get ready for his match next. Big Show
comes in and they hug. Ick. So Vickie digs fat guys now?
Triple H and Jeff Hardy vs. MVP and The Brian Kendrick W/ Ezekiel Jackson
Hardy and MVP start off. Armbars from both men. Jeff breaks free and makes a tag to Triple
H, who starts crushing MVP's arm. A quick tag to Jeff. More armbars from Jeff follow. MVP powers out with a knee to the
gut and tags to Kendrick. Jeff immeadiately knocks down Kendrick and hits an armdrag and the spinning enziguri. Jeff goes
for the corner kick of insanity, but Kendrick dodges and Zeke's blackness distracts Hardy so Kendrick can land a cheap shot.
Tag to MVP. Kendrick and MVP miss on a double team move and Jeff tags in Trips. Both men clean house. COMMERCIALS!
COMMERCIAL THOUGHT: The NBA's coming back? Already?
We return to MVP working over Trips. Kendrick tags in and a dropkick gets 2. Kendrick tries
to work a submission, but HHH escapes and dodges a crossbody attempt. He tags to Kendrick, who knocks MVP off the apron and
nails Kendrick with a facecrusher suplex thing and the Twist of Fate. Hardy tries to go up top, but Zeke knocks him off. Kendrick
covers for 2. Tag to MVP. MVP works over Hardy's chest for a bit. Tag to Kendrick, who nails another nice dropkick for 2.
While working a camel clutch, Kendrick tags to MVP, who starts to work an abdominal stretch. Tag to Kendrick. Low dropkick
gets 2. Jeff escapes and totally botches a Whisper in the Wind by having his back land on Kendrick's head. Nevertheless, he
tags to Triple H, who totally cleans house and annihilates MVP with all his signature spots. Pedrigree wins it after Hardy
clotheslines Kendrick out of the ring.
WINNERS: Triple H and Jeff Hardy.
Video package for Khali to hype up the battle of the cultures! It's Indian cuisine versus...wait,
does Russia have any nationally recognized dishes?
COMMERCIAL THOUGHT: I love how fake that gorilla is.
WWE 24/7 presents: Sid Justice and Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan and Roddy Piper. Hogan wins with
a clothesline? On Flair? WHAT?
Shelton Benjamin comes out with a fancy white shirt. Shelton reminds us that's he's the Gold
Standard (for the very few who didn't know) and that R-Truth has no standards at all. He actually calls Truth a "street urchin".
I guess it's the more evolved version of the sea urchin. This brings out Truth, who raps his way through the crowd meerly
to ask Shelton "What's up?". Shelton looks disgusted and leaves. And I thought Zeke was the only black guy with that kind
of power. Next week, Shelton will face Santino Marella. Yay! Santino on Smackdown! Oh, and Brie Bella and Maria are headed
for the ring.
COMMERCIAL THOUGHT: I just tend to avoid horses.
Maria and Brie Bella vs. Natalya and Victoria
Victoria beats down on Maria, who eventually flips out of the onslaught and rolls up Victoria
for 2. A tag to Brie Bella, who hits a sunset flip for 2. Victoria puts an end to that by picking up Brie and slamming her
into the corner. A tag to Natalya, who shoves Brie around for a bit. Snap suplex gets 2. A quick monkey flip from Brie gets
1. After that, it's all Natalya. Tag to Victoria. Victoria knocks Maria off the apron and throws Brie over the rope. Victoria
tries to stop her, but Brie crawls under the ring and EMERGES FROM THE SIDE RIGHT NEXT TO THE ONE SHE JUST WENT THROUGH. Wow.
Nothing suspicious about that. "Brie" tags to Maria, who hits a crossbody for the win.
WINNERS: "Brie Bella" and Maria. Wow. The whole "switching with her
twin" thing TOTALLY isn't obvious now. Hell, even WWE Magazine ruined it by posting a picture of the twins in their latest
issue WHILE THE STORYLINE IS STILL TAKING PLACE. Fools.
Video package for Kozlov. Hehehe. Kozlov uses his head. Kozlov vs. Khali is next.
COMMERCIAL THOUGHT: Standing on broken glass would hurt.
Vladimir Kozlov vs. The Great Khali W/ Runjin Singh: Communism vs. ... Parliamentary
Kozlov starts off with a waistlock, but Khali shrugs him off. Kozlov goes for the leg, but
Khali shrugs him off again. Kozlov tries headbutts, so Khali brain chops him and kicks him out of the ring. Khali goes on
the offensive outside, but Kozlov ducks a clothesline and Khali runs into the ring post. Trips comes out and heads for Kozlov,
who is surprisingly backing away from the ring. Trips tries to goad Kozlov into coming back for a fight, but from behind
Khali tries to attack. Both heels double-team Trips until Jeff Hardy arrives. Then they double-team him. HHH pulls out old
Sledgie from under the ring and Kozlov flees, leaving Khali to get brutalized. Trips wants Kozlov to come back, but he
refuses, pointing to Hardy. HHH crotch chops for good measure. Um, I guess that was a No Contest.
COMMERCIAL THOUGHT: I feel bad for that dog.
Chavo, Vickie, and Show are in Vickie's office and damn, Show is WAY too big for that couch.
Look at it sag! Chavo tries to warn Vickie of the impending doom, but Show SHUTS HIM UP and DEAR GOD, MAKES US WATCH THE UNFORGIVEN
REPLAY AGAIN! It's times like this when I wonder if it's really worth it. Chavo has a match next.
COMMERCIAL THOUGHT: Never hurts to have luck when ordering take-out.
Chavo Guerrero vs. Jimmy Wang Yang
Before the match, Gregory Helms's head pops up and warns Chavo to go home. Easy for you to
say, Helms. You've got Velvet Sky to go home to.
Jimmy starts this one off by dropkicking Chavo out of the ring. He follows up with a crossbody
over the ropes and rolls Chavo back in the ring. Jimmy goes up top, but as he's coming down, Chavo dropkicks him in the gut.
Chavo beats on Jimmy and works the arm for a bit. Jimmy fights out long enough to hit an enziguri, but Chavo tosses Jimmy
from the ring. After bringing him back in the ring, Chavo starts to work the arm again. Jimmy escapes and hits a kick in the
back of the head for 1. Missile dropkick gets 2. Crossbody also gets 2. Jimmy goes up top, but Chavo trips him up. Chavo goes
for the superplex attempt, but Yang knocks him off and goes for the moonsault, only to miss. Chavo hits 2 of the 3 Amigos,
but Jimmy rolls him up on the 3rd for 2. Chavo ducks a kick attempt and hits a rolling Liger kick for the win.
WINNER: Chavo Guerrero
The lights go out, but no Undertaker appears. Chavo looks terrified.
COMMERCIAL THOUGHT: That one dude sure likes flexing.
Carlito & Primo Colon vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Curt Hawkins & Zach Ryder
(WWE Tag Team Championship Match)
It's the first title defense for the Edgeheads. Yep, that's right, the poor saps have never
defended their titles before this. Chumps.
Primo and Hawkins start off. Primo ducks a clothesline and hits an armdrag and a really cool
headscissors. Tag to Carlito, who hits a dropkick for 2. Primo tags in and Carlito slams Primo onto Hawkins for 2. Tag to
Carlito. Carlito nails a diving headbutt (fro-butt?) onto the spine of Hawkins for 2. Hawkins tosses Carlito into the ring
post and tags to Ryder. Ryder breaks out the generic offense (kicks, stomps, punches) and works an armbar. Tag to Hawkins,
who follows with more generic goodness. A surprise neckbreaker gets 2. Carlito almost is able to break free, but he gets shoved
back in the corner. Tag to Ryder. Even more generic offense and armbars. Carlito hits an armbar and tries to tag to Primo,
but Ryder stops him and tags in Hawkins, who tosses Carlito from the ring. COMMERCIALS!
COMMERCIAL THOUGHT: Smoking is not an option in most videogames.
Hawkins is working over Carlito. Tag to Ryder, but Carlito is able to shove the 'Heads into
each other and make the tag to Primo. Primo comes in with a HOUSE OF FIRE! He hits a missile dropkick, but Hawkins breaks
up the pin. Ryder tries to roll up Primo, but only gets 2. Carlito tags in and hits the Backstabber fore the win and the titles!
WINNERS AND NEW WWE TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS: Carlito and Primo Colon. At
this rate, I would've taken two bags of rocks. They would still know how to wrestle more than the Edgeheads.
Here come Jesse and Festus with a van to move more crap. Hope they pack up those loser Edgeheads
in a box and forget to put airholes in it.
Chavo is totally freaking out backstage, but Big Show shuts him up. Vickie and Show head for
the ring and Chavo meekly follows.
COMMERCIAL THOUGHT: Killer Moth is in Lego Batman. That's awesome.
Apparently, Jesse and Festus are shoving their captives in the back of the van. They show
Kenny Dykstra and Ryan Braddock struggling in the back. Well, that's certainly in no way disturbing.
Vickie, Show and Chavo make it to the ring. After the usual "Excuse me!", Vickie wants 'Taker
to show himself. Then DEAR GOD THEY SHOW IT AGAIN! WHY MUST I SUFFER!? Chavo wants the UT-bashing to stop, but Show and Vickie
continue. The lights go out and CHAVO IS GONE! The Titantron shows him getting his ass kicked all over Vickie's office. Vickie
sends Show to run down and stop things. Because when you need things done quickly, who better than the tall, fat, slow guy?
Tazz heads to the ring to conduct an interview (I think. He might've smelled food or something.) and again the lights go down
and TAKER IS THERE. Vickie eats Tombstone.
Well, that's it for the Lowdown on Smackdown. Join me next week as I venture into the bold
new world that is MyNetwork TV. It's sure to be really hard to find for the rest of you, er, really cool! I think. I hope.