WWE SmackDown Recap for December 19, 2010

Seasons greetings, readers!  “Great” Scott’s back again to tickle your funny bone with his humorous observations about WWE SmackDown.

This week’s recap will be brought to you by the Great Compromise of 1878, which was an agreement between large and small states reached during the Constitutional Convention of 1787 that in part defined the legislative structure and representation that each state would have under the United States Constitution. It proposed a bicameral legislature, resulting in the current United States Senate and House of Representatives. 

I tell ya’, this Wikipedia thing just might catch on.

Anyway, instead of a non-wrestling-related rant like I normally do, I’m going to point you to a special column I worked on for TWF.  It’s a list of my 10 favorite Christmas movies of all time.  I think most of you will get a kick out of it.  You can link to it by clicking HERE.

Now that you’re back…let’s get on with tonight’s show!

Edge is out to start things off.  Before Edge starts talking, Michael Cole waves his two Slammies in the air and yammers in his whiny crappy man-woman voice.  Man, Vince is determined to put this moron over, isn’t he?  Seriously, I liked it when Michael Cole was simply innocuous.  Now, he’s becoming insufferable.  Not insufferable in a, “Man, this guy is a good heel,” way, like Ric Flair or The Million Dollar Man, but in a, “This guy is trying to act like a cool guy, but he’s just looking like a stupid tool dickhead,” way, like bearded (and therefore evil) Tony Schiavone or Kevin Federline.

Anyway, let’s turn our attention back to Edge.  Watching him here  makes me think about a pretty ironic thing.  Wasn’t his angle previous to this one with Kane an angle where he was trying to rid the WWE of stupid stuff?  That being the case, wouldn’t Edge be trying to rid the WWE of himself right now?  Because I gotta’ tell you, this angle is pretty stupid…if you ask me.

Just to prove my point that this angle is ridiculous, Edge shows a video package of his feud with Kane set to Benny Hill music.  He talks a bunch, but it all amounts to him saying that Kane deserves what he’s getting and that he (Edge) will be champion after the TLC PPV.  Boring promo.

Next, we’re treated to a snippet of The Miz on Jimmy Fallon.  Good for him.

We also learn that later tonight, The Miz is going to take on Rey Mysterio.  Things are looking up.

Upon our return from commercial, Edge is talking to Teddy Long.  What are they talking about?  I don’t care!  Alberto Del Rio comes in, and then Rey joins the party.  They start threatening each other in Spanish, until Teddy says that if Kane doesn’t show up at the PPV, Edge, Mysterio, and Del Rio will compete in a three-way match.  If Kane does show up, it’ll be a fatal four-way.  Huh?  You need a degree in algebra to figure this stuff out.

Kofi Kingston and Kaval vs. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger

Okay, this has a lot of potential…I’m guessing Nexus will come out for no reason and beat everyone up.

Kaval starts with Swagger, and Swagger immediately takes his smaller opponent to the corner.  He pounds on him for a bit, and then chokes him over the ropes.  Kaval tries a springboard bodypress, but Swagger catches him.  Swagger tries a corner charge, but Kaval gets his feet up and takes control.  Eventually, Kaval takes Swagger to the floor, and Kingston comes in the ring to prevent Ziggler from interfering by tossing him to the outside.  With both members of the heel team on the floor, Kaval and Kingston perform diving tackles through the ropes.  This show of unity can only be followed by a commercial break.

When we return, Swagger has Kaval in a double chicken wing.  He turns it into a neck wrench.  Kaval tries to escape by punching Swagger’s inner thigh, but it doesn’t work.  Swagger tags to Ziggler, who hits his high leaping elbow.  He follows by applying a rear chinlock.  Ziggler maintains control and tags to Swagger.  Swagger enters and immediately hits his Vader splash.  Ziggler taunts Kaval, who eventually fights out of Swagger’s grasp, and then Kaval flips out of a German suplex.  Unfortunately, Swagger prevents Kaval from making the tag, and then Swagger tags Ziggler.  Ziggler gets a few shots in, chokes Kaval on the ropes, and then he tags back to Swagger.  Swagger gets a few shots in before going for his gutwrench powerbomb, but Kaval escapes and does his double stomp to the chest.  Kaval and Swagger both tag out and Kofi is a HOUSE OF FIYAH!  He hits his typical moves, and punctuates things with the double leg drop.  He goes for Trouble in Paradise, but Ziggler ducks.  Kingston, however, ensnares Ziggler in the flipping, roll forward thing (which is called a Ranhei, according to my sources) and goes for a pin.  Swagger makes the save and is immediately taken to the outside by Kaval.  In the ring, Dolph tries for a roll up, but Kingston escapes and manages to land Trouble in Paradise for the win.

Winners:  Kofi Kingston and Kaval

Rating:        

That match was pretty good.  Kaval didn’t really get a chance to do much, but the match was pretty solid, nonetheless.

After the match, Swagger helps up a weak-kneed Ziggler..and then punches him.  Vickie comes in to assault my eardrums by screaming at Swagger.  I can’t imagine Swagger will be hearing very well for the next few weeks.

AFTER the after the match, we head to the back, where Miz cuts a promo basically saying how awesome he is.  Alex Riley tries to get in on the action, but things get uncomfortable.  Miz then literally says he’s awesome, and…scene.

After the commercials, we get our fill of racial stereotyping by getting to watch JTG’s new segment…in which he’s returned to his old, over-the-top “homeboy” persona back.  I guess this segment is his condolences gift for the shit canning of his tag team partner.  Shad Gaspard, we hardly knew ye.

Next, in the back, we’re treated to a Kelly Kelly/Drew McIntyre skit for which I could’ve made about 100 jokes.  Seriously, though, the fact that this chick is still employed is utterly amazing.  She’s gorgeous, but she hasn’t improved one bit in the ring.  At least the Bellas have the whole Conquistador “we switch at the last minute” gimmick going on.

And next, because the WWE wants us to completely forget about the good match we saw at the beginning of the show, they follow one horrible skit with a Cody Rhodes segment.  This week’s topic?  Hair care.  Remember kids, like Cody says, “The key is to brush and style as you blow.” If anyone knows anything about blowing, well…it’s Cody Rhodes.  Wouldn’t this persona have worked better with Drew McIntyre?  “Dashing” Drew McIntyre has some alliteration, and it would’ve fit better because McIntyre at least looks like a woman, and not a Simpson’s character.

Hey, in May, Extreme Rules is coming to Tampa!  That’s about 30 minutes from me!  If anyone is interested in going, perhaps I can do a meet and greet!!  My autograph would probably fetch thirty three cents on eBay.

Next week, SmackDown is on Tuesday?  That’s good, at least I don’t have to spend Christmas Eve watching this shi…err, I mean…I get to enthusiastically bring you my SmackDown report three days early!

Cody Rhodes vs. Chris Masters

This match is the culmination of a titanic one-week buildup.  I can’t wait!  In case you missed out, Rhodes took the MasterLock Challenge last week, and didn’t do so well.

Cody starts off by shoving Masters, who threatens to punch him.  Cody continues his feminine offense by slapping Masters, who slaps Rhodes so hard he might not lisp anymore.  Masters stays in control with a press slam and mounting punches in the corner.  Unfortunately for Masters, Rhodes shoves him off of the turnbuckles and then double boots him in the back.  Rhodes pops Masters with Dream Street and gets a three count.  Man, that was epic.

Winner: Cody Rhodes

Rating:    

Seriously, that’s it?  Well, for a thirty-second match, that wasn’t too bad…but there just wasn’t enough to call it good, or even average.

Oh boy, it’s Mysterio and Miz…NEXT!

Rey Mysterio vs. The Miz

This match will be very interesting.  It should be pretty decent.

I’m immediately scared because Alex Riley is out in his wrestling gear.  So help me if they replace Miz with Riley in this match.

Miz tries for a quick boot, but Rey moves.  Rey locks on a sleeper early, but Miz gets to the ropes.  Miz controls the tempo with a side headlock and a shoulder block, and stays in control with a clothesline.  Miz stomps away on Mysterio, but puts his head down, allowing for a Rey Mysterio kick, a spinning head scissors, and a baseball slide dropkick in the corner.  Rey heads to the top rope, but Miz clips his leg, and Mysterio crashes to the mat.  Miz follows up by stomping Mysterio, and then distracting the ref so Riley can get some shots in.

After the ref regains control, Miz hits a sliding dropkick on Mysterio, who’s wrapped around the corner post.  After that, Miz goes for a pin (which fails), and then applies a rear chinlock.  Unfortunately, we can see Miz giving Rey directions, so Rey follows them by escaping from the hold.  Miz, however, mows over Mysterio to stay in control.  Miz tries for a running kick, but Rey moves and gets back into things.  Rey get Miz in position for the 619, but Riley warns Miz and he rolls to the outside.

On the outside, Rey hits a seated senton on Riley and then tries to take out Miz.  Miz, however, has other plans and puts Rey down.  And because we hate momentum here on SmackDown, we go to commercials!

After the commercial break, Rey is kicking out of a rest hold.  Miz doesn’t like kicks, though, so he hits a move that is in no way a Side Effect to regain the advantage.  I miss a few seconds due to typing, but I look up to see Mysterio hit a nice tilt-a-whirl DDT.  After some back and forth, Rey follows that up with a springboard bodypress.  Miz manages to get out of the way of a Rey kick and send Mysterio to the corner.  Miz heads to the opposite corner and nails his through-the-ropes clothesline.  Miz heads to the top, but Mysterio trips him up and follows with a FrankenReyRey.  Mysterio puts Miz in the position for the 619 again, but Alex Riley is up to distract the ref.  Rey ignores Riley and heads off the ropes, but Alberto Del Rio comes outta’ nowhere to trip Rey up.  Rey dispatches Del Rio, but Miz takes advantage and gets a two-count off a roll up.  Rey goes for his swan dive splash to end things, but Miz gets his knees up.  Somehow, that’s enough for Miz to get the three count.  Huh.

Winner:  The Miz

Rating:        

Another good match.  The pacing was good, there were some good high spots, and both men looked credible enough.  The interference knocks the score down a bit.

After the match, a brawl ensues, with Edge coming down to help Mysterio.  This brings out Teddy Long, who makes a tag team match for later this evening.  I’m not a fan of seeing the same guys twice on one show, but you could certainly do worse than these guys.

Before we return from commercials…we see how Michelle McCool still has her “I screw one of the top guys in the company” pull…as they don’t allow the WWE Universe to decide the diva of the year.  They make a match for it, which Michelle wins!  Funny how that works out.  I can’t understand why they would do that…You’re saying that Michelle wouldn’t get the vote?  But she’s sexy, smart, and powerful!!  Actually, she’s skuzzy, most likely bulimic, and from a state with one of the worst education systems in the country…but who’s paying attention to that?

LayCool yammers for a few minutes before Beth and Natalya come out with a present!  How nice of them!  I wonder what it is.  A pack of toothbrushes for Michelle?  A muzzle for Layla? 

Anyway, more yammering occurs, and then Beth reveals the extraordinarily accurate representations of LayCool on the table.  Too funny.  This prompts LayCool to attack, but it doesn’t work out too well.  Beth and Nattie almost put Layla through a table, but Michelle makes the save.  Layla screams a lot…to the point where it’s nauseating…and the heels manage to escape.  Thank God that’s over.

In the back, our AWESOME tag champs are getting ready for action!  Woo hoo!

Santino Marella and Vladimir Kozlov vs. Chavo Guerrero and Tyler Reks

Man, they really can find new ways for Chavo to look stupid, can’t they?  They don’t let the guy just lose; that’s apparently not enough.  They have to humiliate him.  I actually feel bad for Chavo at this point.

Santino starts with Reks and he tries to match strength with him.  Epic fail.  After a shoulder block doesn’t work, Santino tags to Kozlov.  After some back and forth, Reks takes control, only to have Chavo blind tag in.  After a dropkick, Chavo falls prey to a powerslam and he’s taken over to the face corner.  Santino tags in and gets in a move before he misses his leaping headbutt.  The heels take turns beating on Santino until Santino escapes from Chavo’s clutches (by “swimming” to his corner).  Kozlov absolutely destroys Chavo, and he clothesline Reks off the apron for good measure.  Santino and his cobra are chomping at the bit to get in the ring, so Kozlov obliges.  Santino comes in, hits the Cobra Strike, and rolls up Chavo for the victory.  At least Reks didn’t pummel Chavo after the match.

Winners: Santino Marella and Vladamir Kozlov

Rating:        

The rating is more for the comedy value of these two guys than the actual quality of the match.  At least Santino has added a new move to his repertoire…as he does a sort of split/stunner move now.  That puts him one semi-innovative move ahead of Randy Orton.

I must be one of about five people who didn’t think The Other Guys was that funny.  It had a few funny parts, but I wasn’t that impressed.  I didn’t even get the Samuel L. Jackson/Rock thing.  If you see the movie, I think you’ll see what I mean.

Ezekiel Jackson is the new, slightly more mobile Mark Henry.  Fun.

After the break, we’re treated to the RAW Rebound.  I watched the entire show…it was average at best.  Mostly, it was an anti-logic clusterfunk.  Wade Barrett rehired Cena, and then Nexus immediately beat the crap out of him.  So, let me get this straight…while he’s fired, Cena can easily destroy Nexus members at every turn, but as soon as he’s rehired, he’s dog meat?  Wabdafug?!?  Another awesome thing that “sports entertainers” tend to do is to beat the crap out of guys other than the ones they’re feuding with.  If you’re pissed at Wade Barrett and he’s 100 feet away, why not just chase him and beat him up?  Nah, I’ll just beat up this other guy and SAY it’s the guy I want to beat up.  Dumb.

Alberto Del Rio and The Miz (with Alex Riley) vs. Rey Mysterio and Edge

Ricardo Rodriguez is getting more cocky by the week.  He has more panache and personality than half the WWE roster.

Hey!  Alberto couldn’t give Miz a ride to the ring in his sweet Rolls Royce?!?  What a crappy partner!

Edge starts things off with Miz.  Edge gains the advantage early with a shoulderblock and a side headlock takedown.  Miz eventually forces Edge to the corner and beats on him.  Miz tags to Del Rio, who snaps off a quick kick on Edge.  He follows that with a body slam and a quick pin attempt.  After Edge kicks out, Del Rio applies a rear chinlock and lays some knees into Edge’s back.  Del Rio tags to Miz, but Edge quickly manages to escape and tag to Mysterio.  Mysterio tries to spear Miz in the corner, but Miz moves (a tad too early, methinks), allowing Miz to take control.  Miz tags to Del Rio, who hits a leaping kick before starting to work on Rey’s back.  Eventually, Del Rio gets sick of Rey and just slides him out of the ring.  Del Rio decides to follow Rey outside and arrogantly kick him.  Del Rio rolls Rey back in and tags to Miz, who chokes Rey with his foot.  Rey tries to escape the heel corner, but Miz stops him and sends him back to his corner.  Miz tags back out to Del Rio, and Del Rio retains control of things.  Finally, Rey rolls out of a Del Rio sunset flip and punts Del Rio in the face.  This allows Rey to tag Edge, who comes in ON FIRE.  Del Rio tags to Miz, but that really doesn’t matter, as Edge takes him to town.  Edge sets up for the spear, but Alex Riley holds Edge’s foot.  Miz tries to lock on the Skull-Crushing Finale, but Edge reverses it into his leaping impaler DDT.  Edge goes for the pin, but Del Rio makes the save.

Then, because this match has been totally crap-free so far, we go to the back, where random idiots we don’t care about are strewn about.  We see Kane leaving the area…why?  Obviously, Edge is in the ring…why beat up random WWE employees?!?  This angle is RETARDED!!  And not even in a Jerry Lewis Telethon, feel good kinda’ way.

Fortunately, that crap is short lived, as we return to see Miz get hit with the 619.  That sets him up perfectly for a spear from Edge. 

Finally, fire explodes and Kane makes his way out to beat up Edge.  I’m guessing this is a no contest…

The locker room unloads to try to separate Kane and Edge.  It’s funny how many halves of tag teams are left…Curt Hawkins, half of the Dude Busters (I don’t know which one they kept), JTG…they should form a club.

Anyway, they finally separate the two men, Edge breaks free and hits a spear, and the show abruptly ends.

Winners:  No contest (I guess)

Rating:      

I’m sorry, but that interference ruined what could’ve been a pretty good match.  He couldn’t have run in after the match?  Eh, whatever.

Well, that’s it for another show.  Let me hand out some awards so I can wrap this up.

The Really Great Thing of the Night:  No terrible matches!

The Not-So-Great Thing of the Night:  A main event ruined by a stupid run-in that really wasn’t necessary.  Oh yeah, and Evil Michael Cole.  Seriously, this angle needs to end.  Now.

Well, folks, I hope you have a “great” weekend.  I hope you get all your Christmas shopping done, start enjoying some holiday treats, and get to take some vacation days!