LOWDOWN ON SMACKDOWN (05/28/10) By Jordan Huie
Aaaand this is the
latest I've ever went before starting on the recap.
First, I overslept and didn't wake up until 6:00 PM, so
there went the usual act of getting the show hours
beforehand. And then, when I did wake up, we were in the
middle of another one of those god damned random
thunderstorms that have suddenly popped up and went away
again over the last few weeks. So of course the
connection was buggy, making getting the show that much
more of a hassle. The time is 10:35 PM. Typically, I
start about eight hours earlier than that. At first this
pissed me off, but then I remembered the show won't be
posted until around Monday anyway, so really, what's a
few hours differance?
Still standing here in
Cleveland, Ohio, where we are anticipating the return of
THEEE UNDATAKAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! And speaking of the
world's greatest catchphrase, out comes Teddy Long! Boy,
for a guy that's been on probation since the fall of
Nazi Germany, just recently had his office torn apart,
and has had both his authority and manhood called into
question numerous times over the past year, he sure does
look pleased. So much so, that as he's in the ring, he
begins shucking and jiving. Hey, call it how I see it.
He announces that the Fatal Four Way event is coming
up...IN FOUR WEEKS! Marketing~! He says that Swagger
will be defending his title in a four way, and that by
vertur [sic] of his DQ win at Over The Limit, Show
immediately qaulifies. I believe he meant to say virtue,
but I suppose his kind don't know that word very well.
And when I say "his kind", I of course mean General
Managers. Surely you didn't think I was talking about
his race..what, just because I'm southern, means I have
to burn crosses in people's yards, is that it?! Well let
me say right now that I am no Klansman, buddy! If I did
say that, Great Scott would be suing me for Gimmick
Infringement before you could say "shark repellant"!
...what was I saying? Oh yes, the Fatal Four Way. T-Lo
says that tonight, their will be two qaulifying matches
to see who else is in the match. Those matches being CM
Punk vs. Kane, and Rey Mysterio vs. THEEE UNDATAKAAAAAH,
in his first match since WM. For some odd reason, I
don't like Rey's chances..Long starts to say there has
"never been" something, but before this peice of - what
is sure to be - revisionist shit can plauge us, a badass
theme hits, freezing Long in place. After finishing
climaxing from the sheer sound of it alone, I see Drew
McIntyre in the ring.
McIntyre gets a mic, and
tells Teddy that he should still be Intercontinental
Champion. McIntyre says that his match with Kofi
should've been stopped. Apparantly, his arm was bleeding
that night and no one helped. But I recapped that event,
and I didn't- o, i c wut u did thar.. McIntyre says he
was in great pain, but Teddy allowed the match to
continue. So he says if Teddy can't do his job right,
he'll have to do it for you. Teddy warns him that
affirmative action is damned tough to fight against.
Actually, he says that that Drew didn't have the right
to trash his office, nor does it give him the right to
come out and interupt him. Teddy asks him who he is, and
Drew says he's the Chosen One. Okay, you know what,
that's the last straw..HIT IT!Teddy
says he understands he's the Chosen One. Some kid in the
crowd says "No, he's not". Um, dumbass, his angle is
that he's been picked by the boss to be the next face of
the company..that's what a fucking Chosen One is. Teddy
says "Once Matt Hardy gets his hands on you", but before
he could begin describing the events of his adult
fanfic, Drew pulls out a note....OF DESPAIR! McIntyre
says that McMahon's demanded he read this out loud,
before giving it to Teddy. Teddy reads: As a result of
Matt Hardy posting a picture of his "Gunt" on the
internet - of which Vince McMahon just now saw - he has
been suspended until further notice. Or something like
that, I wasn't really paying attention.
Drew tells Teddy to
consider this a warning - if he turns a blind eye to his
misfortunes one more time, the next letter he gives him
will be filled with Anthrax. Or will just have a pink
slip inside, whichever works faster. Long, as always,
leaves with his tail between his legs, only for Matt
Hardy to come down the ramp. Teddy stops Matt, and gets
Security to restrain him. Matt glares at Drew, until
Teddy tells him that if he doesn't leave, they'll make
him fire him. So Matt cooperates, backing up the ramp.
And McIntyre gets on the mic to tell him he's the reason
he's suspended. Crowd really gets on his case at the end
of this segment. COMMERCIALS!
Commercial thoughts - I
have found myself inspired by Swaggie's Did You Know?
facts about himself, so much so that I've decided to
place some of them about myself in the commercial
thoughts this week. To get us started; Did You Know that
my debut TWF recap was only the fifth one I've ever
written? It's true, and to me, that says one of two
things. Either 1), I'm a fucking prodigy, or 2), the bar
isn't as high as it used to be. Maybe somewhere in
between, I dunno, you decide..
We return to see our
first match of the night. While walking to the ring,
Swagger announces himself as still World Heavyweight
Champion about nine times.
Drew McIntyre and Jack Swagger (w/"Hit me here"
bandages around his waist) vs. Kofi Kingston and the Big
Kingston and Swagger
start us off. Lock-up, Swagger with a Front Facelock,
transitioning them to the ground, before putting him
into a Gutwrench. Kingston gets to his feet, Swaggie
tries for a Back Suplex, but Kingston slips out the back
and gets in a roundhouse kick to the ribs, only to be
taken back down. Swagger tags in McIntyre. Kofi ducks a
clothesline, gets in a few kicks, but Drew takes him to
the mat by the hair. Drew pulls Kofi to his feet, goes
for an Irish Whip, but Kingston counters with a Monkey
Flip, for a 1 count. They trade blows, McIntyre whips
Kingston to the ropes, Kofi ducks a clothesline, and
nails a Flying Forearm! Meanwhile, Striker tells us
something about people thinking Tom Petty is the third
Multibrother, or whatever he said. Lost me about three
words into that particular joke. McIntyre starts raging
in the heel corner, as Kofi tags in Show. Avalanche
follows. Typewriter headbutt to McIntyre, Swagger runs
in only to be caught with a shot to the injured back,
that takes him to the outside. Kofi then comes in a
clotheslines McIntyre to the floor, and yep, you guessed
it - this segues into COMMERCIALS!
Commercial thoughts -
Did you know that in the fifth grade, before I stopped
going to public schools, I had at one point hurled a
brick at some kids that were taunting me? Ah, I was such
a precoucious little scamp..
When we come back, Show
hurls McIntyre into the ring from the apron. Big corner
chop on McIntyre. Show grinds McIntyre throat-first into
the ropes, because having a babyface moveset is a
blessing, not a birthright. Kofi tags in, and comes in
with a Springboard Frog Splash, for two. Kofi with a Key
Lock on McIntyre. McIntyre gets to his feet, and backs
Kofi into the corner. Drew whips Kofi to the opposite
corner, Kofi with a Floatover, McIntyre turns and runs
into an Arm Drag. Kofi tries to whip McIntyre back to
the opposite corner, McIntyre reverses, rushes Kofi,
Kofi dodges leaving Drew to smash into the corner. Kof
with his Jumping Corner Punches, gets to seven until
Kofi's ESP tells him that Swagger will be attacking, so
he hops to the apron just before Swagger starts running
his way, to kick him to the floor. Kofi goes for a
Springboard move, only for Swagger to grab him by the
ankle, and pull him facefirst onto the apron, and to the
floor. McIntyre goes to the floor, and slams Kingston's
head against the steps, before tossing him in for a
nearfall. Swagger tagged in, with some heelesque
double-teaming. As opposed to facesque double teaming,
which is made less despicable and unfair by the fact
that it's flashier. Kinda telling about our society,
isn't it? Swagger with a Side Headlock, Kofi slowly
makes it to his feet and fights out. Hits the ropes,
only to be taken right the fuck down with a manly
Belly-To-Belly! This gets a nearfall. McIntyre tagged
in, takes Kofi to the corner. A number of corner
clotheslines, capped off with a Short-Arm Veriation.
Mounted Punches from the
sheep loving bastard. McIntyre with a Crossface
Chickenwing of sorts, Kofi arm drags out, only to be
swiftly intercepted. Swagger's tagged in, pounds
Kingston into the mat. Swagger with a Bear Hug, Kingston
elbows out. Kingston tries to dive over Swagger to make
the tag, and when the hell does that ever really work?
Didn't work this time either, as Swagger pulls Kingston
closer to his corner, only for Kingston to slip out and
try for a Sunset Flip! Swagger stops that by pulling him
to his feet, however, and hurling him to the corner.
Swagger rushes, but Kofi gets a boot up. Kofi springs
off the second rope with a Crossbody, as Matthews says
"Kofi getting high!". Someone's getting their asses
sued..Kofi and Swagger crawl to their corners,
McIntyre's in first, grabs Kingston by the leg and yanks
him towards the heel corner. McIntyre tries for a
clothesline, only for Kofi to roll under it, and finally
tag in the Big Show! Seriously, Kofi was isolated for
pretty much the entirity of this paragraph and most of
the last one..anyway, Show with two Clotheslines for
McIntyre, hurls him to the corner, Reverse Avalanche,
followed up by a Shoulderblock. Show poses for the
Chokeslam, in comes Swagger, who gets knocked out of the
ring. McIntyre jumps Show, and goes for the Future
Shock, but McIntyre tosses him into the air. Show sets
Swagger up - Knockout Shot, and that's it.
Winner: Big Show and
Eh..it was okay,
could've been better. I feel like the hot tag may have
been built to for a little longer than it needed to.
Commercial thoughts -
Did you know that I have been a member of ewcf.co.nr,
for three years now? Did you know that I have since
become an admin of said forum, which features uploaded
wrestling shows and PPV's, in addition to all of the
stunning original content? Did you know that I'm riding
this horse backwards? HYAH!
When we come back, we
see Gallows and Serena trying to cheer up Punk, telling
him how good he looks. Serena tells Punk that everything
will be okay, and he still looks beautiful. Punk says he
knows that, but he's going to go out there and they'll
mock him. They promise they would never mock him. Punk
says he's better then the crowd, so doesn't care if they
mock him. Punk says he has courage, unlike them. He says
they couldn't embarass him if they tried. He tells us he
will be showing us his true face. During this, he has a
big towel that hangs way over his head, covering all of
it. For some reason, it reminds me of The Invisible
Cut to see Vickie
speaking random Spanish at Curt Hawkins and Vance
Archer. Hawkins says 15 days is plenty, and tonight,
they're going to make an impact. Vance says they will
pay attention. For some reason, this really pisses off
Vickie, who yells more Spanish, before telling them to
just get out of there. I guess there's just something
about peeps that are fighting tooth and nail for their
jobs that just agitates her to no end. In comes Dolph
Ziggler afterwards. Vickie thanks him for sticking up
for her last week at the Peep Show, proving to her that
their is still chivalry in the WWE. Dolph says it's no
big deal, but Vickie says it meant everything. She tells
him that her owing him one, with her position, puts him
in an enviable situation. Ziggler considers it, before
going on a tangent about how evil it was of Xian and
Horny to taunt her last week. Meanwhile, Vickie checks
out his ass. No, seriously, she checks out his ass.
Vickie tells him as a token of her gratitude, Ziggler
will team up with Chavo against Christian and
Hornswoggle. Considering going up against Hornswoggle is
the fucking kiss of death in this company, I think
that's a pretty crappy way of paying someone back.
Vickie says that there's more to come, which for some
reason renders "OHHHH"s from the filthy-minded crowd.
FILTHY, I SAY~!
Out comes Towelhead,
with Serena and Gallows. They have to guide him to the
ring, and keep him from retreating back up the ramp.
Once inside, Punk grasps the towel, and lets the
anticipation build. He then unveils..a mask~! Yes,
that's right..it was a guy in a mask, all along!COMMERCIALS~!
Commercial thoughts -
Did you know that when I was twelve, I was dating an
eighteen year old? Did you know that she was cleared of
When we come back, out
comes Kane who helped out his former slave Mysterio at
Over The Limit by attacking the SES. Why? Because fuck
Punk, that's why.
Winner qaulifies for the Fatal Four Way at..er,
Fatal Four Way: CM Punk (w/Serena, Luke Gallows and
Mask) vs. Kane (w/o a woman, a bro, or a mask anymore)
Punk unloads on Kane to
start, only to be shoved away. Punk beats Kane into the
corner, ref forces the break, only for Punk to take a
huge uppercut. Kane takes over, throwing him into the
corner a couple times, before hitting a Snapmare. Cover
gets one. Everybody gets one. Kane with a wristlock.
Punk forces him into a corner, tries for a whip to the
opposite corner, Kane reverses. Kane rushes Punk, Punk
evades him, and nails the Pepsi One! Goes for the
bulldog, but Kane shoves him away. Punk hits the ropes,
tries to slip between Kane's legs, only for Kane to grab
him by the mask. Kane starts trying to pull the mask
off. Why? Because fuck Punk, that's why. But Punk
escapes from his grasp, to the outside. And we get yet
a-fucking-another break of COMMERCIALS!
Commercial thoughts -
Did you know that I think WWE Champion is a pretty cool
guy? He overcomes the odds, and DOESN'T AFRAID OF
When we come back, Punk
and Kane fight back and forth in the ring. Punk gets
power-whipped to the corner, and caught with an elbow
off the rebound. Bodyslam from Kane, followed by him
going up top. Punk crotches him on the top rope, then
knocks him off with a few kicks. Punk goes outside, and
works on one of Kane's legs on the floor. Kane struggles
to get back in, and when he does, Punk pulls him up to
the ringpost, and rams his leg into it, LIKE A BAWSS.
Punk continues targeting the injured leg in the ring.
Punk with a Spinning Toe Hold. Kane powers out, only to
be jumped yet again, and placed into a hold similar to
the Single Leg Boston Crab. Kane elbows his way out, and
staggers. Kane fights back, and gets a Suplex in, for
two. Punk with a Low Dropkick - GUESS WHERE IT HIT?!
Punk with a Modified Native American Deathlock. Kane
punches out, so Punk targets the leg yet again again. I
get that it's good psychology and all, but recapping it
gets kind of redundant after a while. Punk hits the
ropes, and Kane elevates him into the air, letting him
crash down to the mat. Cover, gets two. Clothesline in
the corner from Kane, who holds his leg in pain
afterwards. This allows Punk to get a shot in, and climb
to the second rope, jumping off right into an uppercut!
This gets a nearfall. Powerwhip to the corner, Punk
recoils into a Sidewalk Slam! Another nearfall. Kane
goes up top, Flying Clothesline, but Kane seems to do
more damage to his leg on the landing. Nevertheless,
Kane goes for a Chokeslam, but Punk gets out of it by -
yep, you guessed it - kicking the injured leg. Striker
calls Punk Mr. X, which is something I'm sure Blade
Braxton will appreciate, and Blade Braxton alone.
Punk hits the ropes,
runs at Kane, and gets flung from the ring for his
troubles. Kane continues selling the leg, allowing Punk
enough time to get up to the apron, and to the top rope.
Punk with a Crossbody - but Kane rolls through (No,
really) for a two count! Kane goes for the Chokeslam,
Punk escapes mid-air, then nails a Spin Kick, before
going for the GTS! But Kane grabs the mask again, and
starts trying to pull it off. Meanwhile, Striker marks
out over the possibility of seeing Punk bald. I like how
he speaks his praise one minute, then loves seeing him
embarrassed the next. Serena distracts the ref, allowing
Gallows to get a shot in on Kane, allowing Punk to
escape. Punk with a hard Roundhouse Kick to the head,
followed by an amazingly fucked up GTS. And by amazingly
fucked up, I mean that if Halo were recapping this, she
would most likely create a brand new word for the move -
a word in which "fail" is spelt out atleast three times.
That's how fucked up. CM Punk pulls a WM 19 HHH, staying
on that mat for about thirty seconds, likely considering
the heavy weight of failure that just fell onto him,
before covering Kane, for the victory.
Winner: CM Punk
Not bad, just kind of
there. While I appreciate the psychology of working over
the leg, and think Kane sold it pretty well throughout,
Punk going right back to the leg every single time Kane
broke a hold or started fighting back started to get
old. And that finishing botch is not one I shall be
forgiving anytime soon. Why? Because fuck Punk, that's
Commercial thoughts -
Did you know that I have, for a while now, had a
ballbusting fetish? No? Well, good. I've told an
incredibly few amount of people this, so it would've
been kinda weird if you had known that.
When we come back, Xian
and Horny make their entrance and I just don't care.
Striker puts over the Tadpole Splash as a painful
Dolph Ziggler and Chavo Guerrero (w/Vickie
Guerrero) vs. Christian and Hornswoggle
The bell rings, and this
match has already gone on far too long. So Christian and
Chavo start us off. Lock-up, Chavo with a Waistlock,
Xian reverses, but Chavo takes him to the mat with an
armbar. The chainwrestling continues like this for a
bit, until Xian breaks a side headlock with an irish
whip. Xian with a leapfrog, followed by a Dropkick. Xian
randomly decides to swing Ziggler's way, therefore
distracting himself, and allowing Chavo to hit two of
the Three Amigos. Seriously, why'd he do that? Ziggler
barely even moved on the apron before he dashed over and
tried to take him down. Did he flip him off, and conceal
it well enough to where only Xian would see it? Did he
use ESP to threaten Xian's family? Did he yell "When I
first you two together, I thought you and Heath Slater
were twins!"? The world may never know..anyway, on
Chavo's third attempt at the suplex, Xian counters into
the Inverted DDT. Horny wants in. I, however, do not
want. Horny with his crappy offense against Chavo, until
Chavo puts him down with a Big Boot. Chavo grinds his
boot into his face. Chavo bodyslams him next to the heel
corner, and tags out to Ziggler. I'm actually kind of
liking Hornswoggle's role in this match so far. Ziggler
also grinds his foot into his throat. Ziggler pulls
Horny into the corner, rushes, but Hornswoggle dodges.
Xian tagged in, as with Chavo, and Xian of course starts
beating on him. Xian goes for an Irish Whip, Chavo
reverses, and takes a Forearm. Xian rushes Chavo in the
corner, takes an elbow. Chavo hits the ropes, and gets
taken down with a Flapjack. Xian up top with the Rolling
Elbow! He goes for the Killswitch, but Chavo gets in an
elbow, and beats Xian into the corner. Xian evades the
rush, gets the Pendulum Kick, followed up by a Missle
Dropkick! Xian goes for the cover, but Ziggler breaks it
up. Dumbass tries to interfere, apparantly not learning
the whole "don't screw with douchebags that are five
feet taller than you" lesson. So of course, after a few
kicks, Ziggler grabs him by the beard and tosses him to
the floor. Are we supposed to feel bad for him when this
happens? Because frankly, when you're constantly hitting
trained professionals, and shooting them with fucking
supersoakers, even if you're supposedly a little kid,
you pretty much have it coming..anyway, Christian
clotheslines Ziggler to the outside, and Guerrero
catches him with the Suplex! Sets up for the Frog Splash
- but Xian rolls out of the way. Chavo rolls through -
and Xian with the Killswitch! Christian with the pin,
for the victory.
Winners: Christian and
Y'know what, I'll be
generous. This was easily my favorite ever Hornswoggle
match. He got the crap beat out of him, and for once,
didn't actually humiliate anybody. And for once, Chavo
looked pretty good tonight. Going to mark this down as a
Commercial thoughts -
Did you know that I recently figured out how to make
YouTube embeddings shrink down to the size of a start
button, and have since decided to use them for music, in
a show of absolute genius?
McIntyre vs. Kingston
for the IC Title announced for next week. Cut TO THE
BACK~! for an interview with LayCool. Matthews
introduces them as the Self-Professed Co-Women's
Champions. I think McCool's belt is slightly
smaller..Michelle says the whole world is talking about
them. Sort of like how the whole world was watching the
WWF in the early 90's? Layla says the WWE Universe needs
a lesson in history. Michelle says that the WWE Women's
Championship is the oldest title in WWE history. Doesn't
the World Heavyweight Title date back to fucking 1905?
They explain why they have two titles, as having both
won the Handicap match. There was more to this, but I
kind of zoned out..
Weird thing - while
watching this show on TV, I was listening to my MP3
player - in particular, "Come Out And Play" by The
Offspring. About two minutes into this song, I see Luke
Gallows come out and do his little Raven-ripoff pose.
Freaked me out, man. Seriously, it was like fish
swimming up to die..just fucking cosmic shit going on
there. Striker refers to Gallows as SmackDown's Best
Kept Secret. Yeeeeeeaaah, the last person to get that
title found their mugshots on TMZ, and was later fired.
Maybe not the best choice of nicknames there, pal..out
comes MVP to face him. Badassly enough, MVP does that
little "throw powder into the air" thing that LeBron
James is known for. I found this to be adorable.
MVP vs. Luke Gallows (w/Serena)
'P starts with the
punches. They seem to be boxing here back and forth,
until 'P gets in a Belly-To-Belly. Seems to be intense
here, as they trade Mounted Punches. P ducks a
clothesline, gets in a flying one of his own, for two.
Gallows seems to be complaining to the ref about an eye
injury to stall for time. 'P with a Big Boot, advances
on Gallows, only to be Back Body Dropped to the floor!
Gallows follows, rams 'P into the apron! Gallows throws
him into the ring, hits a Snap Suplex for two. Waistlock
on P. Amazing camerawork leads to Striker clarifying
that Serena is not, in fact, a submission hold. Could've
fooled me! P elbows out, only to catch a knee. Gallows
whips him to the ropes, tries for a Back Body Drop, only
to take a kick. P gets to the corner, Gallows charges, P
gets a boot up. Shoulderblock from the second rope,
followed by some elbows from MVP. Knee facebuster on
Gallows, followed by the False Advertising Elbow Drop to
the Elephant Man. Gallows rolls to the outside to avoid
further lying manuevers. So 'P responds with a flying
shot from the apron. P throws Gallows into the ring, and
goes up top - for what, I haven't the foggiest - before
Serena comes up to his side of the apron and distracts
him. The Ref contronts Serena, as the SVR09 Mystery Man
attacks MVP, DDT'ing him onto the apron! P rolls into
the ring, where he is hit with the Gallow's Pole. And
that is that.
Winner: Luke Gallows
Solid enough match, and
the finish was pretty well put together, in my opinion.
Main event up next, but
Commercial thoughts -
Did you know that I love lamp?
Winner qaulifies for the Fatal Four Way at..er,
Fatal Four Way: Rey Mysterio vs. The Undertaker
Taker swiftly charges at
Rey, Rey evades, moving quickly around the ring. Taker
backs Rey towards the corner - Rey tries to escape, but
Taker grabs him and tosses him to the corner. Taker
whips him to the opposite corner, rushes, Rey gets the
boots up. Rey with a Chop Block, hits the ropes, only to
be taken down with a Three Point Stance Clothesline!
Taker with a Stun Gun! Didn't some blonde guy used to
use that move in WCW? Whatever happened to him..? Rey
stands on the apron, Taker goes for a Running Big Boot,
but Mysterio dodges to the adjacent apron, and Taker
goes over the ropes to the apron instead! Mysterio with
a Springboard Dropkick, that takes him to the floor!
Taker is pissed, goes into the ring, only for Rey to
leave the ring. So Taker leaves the ring to follow, only
for Mysterio to get back in. He's like some really
annoying SVR online player, just entering and exiting
over and over to keep from beind hit. Baseball Slide
from Mysterio, followed by a Springboard Moonsault onto
Taker to the floor! COMMERCIALS!
Commercial thoughts -
Did you know that I once totally a Coca-Cola Bottle?
Whole thing too!
And we're back, as
Mysterio hits a bunch of legkicks while avoiding shots
from Taker. Taker shoves him, bouncing him off the
ropes, and tries for what looks like an Oklahoma Slam,
but Mysterio slips out the back. Mysterio doubles him
over, then hits a snapping kick to the face of Taker,
only to get the undead selling. That shit just comes and
goes, doesn't it? Taker with teh GOOZLE~!, but Rey
breaks it, and tries to slip between Taker's legs. But
Taker catches him, gets a shot in, then goes for the
Last Ride! Rey slips out the back yet again, however. So
Taker responds by breaking one of the most long-standing
Fan Laws, rushing towards Mysterio when he's near the
ropes - and of course, this leads to him being Drop Toe
Held (I think that's the correct term) between the
ropes! THE RULES ARE THERE FOR A REASON, ASS HOLE!
Mysterio goes for the 619 - only to get his shit fucked
up with the Big Boot! Taker tosses Rey from the ring,
and he does his signature Warhead selling. I think in
SVR 2011, when Mysterio stores a sig, he should have the
option to just Suicide Dive himself onto the floor. He's
the only one that does it, why not acknowledge that?
Taker follows to the outside, and lifts him into
Spinebuster position - thrusting him into the ringpost.
Taker breaks up the 10 count, before throwing Mysterio
into the ringpost. Taker powers Mysterio into the
barricade. This plan of attack seems just a little
heelesque to me..
Taker rolls Rey into the
ring. He rams his arm into the mat, then goes inside,
and puts said arm into a Key Lock. After a few seconds
of this, Taker transitions into a cover for two.
Short-Arm Shoulder Thrust on Rey, followed by the
Elevated Wrist Lock. Taker drops Rey onto the mat,
covers for two. Taker goes for the same move, but
Mysterio gets up to his shoulder, then Rana's him into
the top turnbuckle! Mysterio with a West Coast Pop,
followed up by a Basement Dropkick for two! Mysterio
gets out to the apron, as Taker sits up, only to be hit
with a lower West Coast Pop, for two. Taker fights to
his knees, gets a big uppercut in that gives him some
breathing room. Low Dropkick, takes Taker to the middle
ropes - 619! Mysterio tries for the Springboard Frog
Splash - but Taker catches him in mid-air, from the mat,
by the throat!! Taker stands, Mysterio hits the ropes -
Taker counters with the Snake Eyes! Taker tries to
follow up with the Big Boot, but Rey ducks it. Rey with
a Back Kick, followed by a Springboard Moonsault Press -
only to be caught by Taker, and planted with the
Tombstone Piledriver! And that is the end of this match!
Winner: The Undertaker
Damned nice match here,
much better than I expected. Taker definately had his
work boots on tonight.
Did you know that this
match brings our show to a close? 'Cause, um..ya, it
does. Nothing really bad on this show - surprisingly,
Horny's segment wasn't even horrible for once - but
until the Main Event, little really stood out either.
Lack of Shad, JTG, Hart Dynasty and the Dudebusters was
kind of disapointing, they could've upped this show a
little. Overall though, not too bad, and the Main Event
did put us out on a good note.
Oh, and one more thing..
The Good: As I said, a good note. Never
expected Mysterio and Taker to have that kind of
chemistry - I really loved that match.
The Bad: Sadly enough, in this case, the
dubious distinction of this award goes to a match
featuring McIntyre, Swagger and Kingston..the card was
full of average level matches, but this one came off to
me as the biggest example.
The Ugly: Despite his match this week not
being half bad, I still can't, in all good conscience,
allow Hornswoggle to continue being involved in angles
without making note of it.
Jordan Huie is an incredibly sweet and
innocent 16 year old, that's American by birth, and
Southern BAH THE GRACE OF GAWD! Some people call him
Zeel1. Some people call him TheYTViewer. Some people
call him Y2Z. Some people call him Z-Truth. Some people
call him Maurrriiice~! *Wah-wow!* His typical attire is
a combo of T-Shirts with Affliction-esque designs,
leather jackets, sunglasses, and Houndstooth Fedoras,
which he enjoys wearing, even with the knowledge that it
makes him look like Jimmy Hart's rebellious grandson.
His first contact with any other living being was of a
horse with a busted leg, who's owner shot himself,
because he couldn't bare the weight of shooting said
horse. Jordan, naturally, named the horse "Lucky", and
Lucky walked through many mountains and valleys, despite
his searing pains, to bring Jordan to his parents. His
parents, in return, immediately shot Lucky, to show
their appreciation. It is believed that this experience
is what makes him the teenager he is today.
THE 4TH FALL!
by Stephen Rivera
THE TWF "MENTAL WELLNESS TEST!"
SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!
by Sean Carless
With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).
The 85th Annual Fanny Awards
TWF Photoshop Hall of Fame
SATIRE: WWE Kids Preview
SATIRE: WWE's Discontinued X-Mas Products
DVD Review: End Game, Starring Kurt Angle
50+ Random Star Wars Lines You Can Use In The Middle Of Sex To Hilarious Results
CLASSIC SATIRE: ECW Goes Sci-Fi
Stephen Rivera's 4th Fall: Introduction
Broken News: U.S. Hero with Golden Trunks Becomes Homeless Man
When Wrestling Merchandise Goes Bad: WWE Finger Rings
CLASSIC SATIRE: Guess Who's HHHaving a Baby?
Broken News: WWE Pro Grappling "Gentle Giant" Reunited with Estranged Son
TWF Entertainment: VH1's 40 Greatest Celebrity Feuds
The WWE Developmental Rookie Name Generator
TWF Fan Laws
Wacky TV Recapitation:
Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling
BACON'S BIGTIME PPV REPORT
OF NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS & SUCH.
Behind the Pyro: Warrior
'Til Death Do Us Part!
SATIRE: WWE Acquires the History Channel!
Sean Carless's WRESTLING
CLASSIC SATIRE: RAW
is STAR WARS!
Derek Burgan's Gimmick
Table: New Wrestling Movies
The 50 Dumbest Real-Life
Wrestler Moments EVER!
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