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By Jordan Huie

The theme of today's recap is The Fragrance of Dark Coffee, from the Pheonix Wright games. Because that's just how fucking awesome I really am. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wGcyKEZtWuE

And the third installment of Z-Truth on TWF begins! Hello, everyone, Jordan Huie here once again. Apologies for the layout of last week's recap. It looked completely normal (and awesome) in wordpad, but for some weird reason, when I E-mailed it to Carless, it suddenly became..gimped. From now on, I shall be sending all recaps to myself first, to make sure G-Mail doesn't fuck them up. Now, of course, it was still one of the most epic recaps ever written, but for those who found said gimping to be a hinderance, I have this to say;

Now that I am finished with the ego-feeding bullshit that is my intro, let's get on to the ego-feeding bullshit that is my recapping!

Fun-fact: In the files that mrhardylima uploads, some of them will have script-like title screens. Yeah, apparantly, all episodes have a name - like TNA - that no one ever sees. The name this week is "SmackDown! goes home". DOESN'T THAT INTRUIGE YOU?!

Start off with a recap of the THREAT x3 last week, set to way overly dramatic music. Seriously, this is epic-movie-trailer worthy.

Out comes Jack Swagger, and a good amount of heat tonight in the Mohegan Sun Arena. Hmm. ECW held shows in Bingo Halls, and WWE holds shows in Casino Halls. So, what gambling hall does that leave TNA? Swagger continues his FML-title reign, his entrance now looking like a slowed down, bored version of his once-eager theatrics. Just goes to show how winning a main event title and achieving your dream of becoming World Champion can just completely ruin any and everything you find enjoyable in life. Swaggy takes up a mic, while gently caressing his title, which reminds me of HHH in the Raw Rant banner.

Swagger says that - like the time he and his BF went to the Olive Garden, and didn't want the soup or salad, so they choose the other side, which they ended up tripping and falling onto - he's on a roll. (For those wondering, that was kinda sort of a Drawn Together referance) Last week, he defeated two first ballot WWE Hall of Famers. Being first ballot really doesn't mean much when there aren't any fucking ballots to begin with. Then there was this past Monday, where he dominated The Undertaker like no one has been able to do. Other than Batista. And the Great Khali. And Mark Henry. And fucking Heidenreich. And basically every other huge guy he's feuded with. He once again uses this to compare himself to Shawn Michaels. He calls himself the greatest natural competitor in the WWE, but does not like to brag - so he'll let the video package do it for him. Lazy son of a bitch. We see a package of what is likely every single move Swagger hit on 'Taker in their match.

He says that says it all, before continuing to speak. FUCKING LIAR. He mentions the Draft next week, and how he hopes he can become a permanent member of the SmackDown! roster. Drafting SD!'s World Champion to the brand he was on mere weeks later, if for no other reason, then to get a shock pop and switch the main belts for the upteenth time..novel idea~! Swagger says that he plays to (dis here whatchu call) dominat(ion)e Randy Orton, this Sunday Sunday Sunday at Extreme Rules, and give him a Champion you can beleive in. Swagger puts over Orton's viperlike viperish viperesque viperisms, mentioning that he has fangs, and venom that can kill a regular person in three short seconds. Sounds more like a vampire to me, but whatever. Swaggert says that he, however, is not a normal man. Actually, he's a horse. He says that he is going straight for the Viper's Neck, and he's going to bit his head off. And out comes John Morrison, after Swagger's opening promo, just like two weeks ago. I wonder if this mean we'll be seeing another triple threat next week, as the beggining of some sort of weird unending Swaggert pattern.

World Heavyweight Champion, Jack Swagger vs. John Morrison (Non-Title, probably)

Epic circling commences. Swagger gets a Single Leg Trip, then shoves him away, causing him to roll across the ring. Lock-up, Sean with the Go Behind Waistlock, Swagger counters with one of his own, because lolevensteven. Swaggert and Morrison roll around for a bit, with Swaggert keeping control. Swaggert tries for a Back/German Suplex, but Morrison blocks it, gets another Go Behind, only to take an Elbow and get slammed down. Swaggert tries to end the life of Morrison with the Atomic Leg Drop, (You know, I hear Japanese wrestlers just hate that move. Only takes two of them to make them surrender.) but Morrison gets out of the way - and nails him with the Strange Daze! (Yes, I'm using that name as if it's official, wouldn't you?!) This gets two. Morrison tries to shoot Swaggert off the ropes, Swaggert reverses, Morrison slides between Swaggerts legs, dashes for Swaggert - and gets planted with an awesome Rolling Belly-To-Belly. COMMERCIALS!

Commercial thoughts - Yo dawg, we heard you like awesomeness, so we plugged EWCF.co.nr in your recap, so you can sign up to awesome shit while you read awesome shit!

When we come back, Swagger has Morrison in a totally hetero Body Scissors. Morrison fights to his feet, as Swagger gets a Go Behind. Morrison elbows out of it, but Swagger knocks him down. Swagger picks up Morrison, and takes him to the top rope. Swagger follows to the second rope, and goes for the Superplex. GEE, I WONDER IF HE'LL HIT IT?! OH, WOW, SUCH A SURPRISE, MORRISON KNOCKS HIM DOWN!! BOY, YOU JUST NEVER KNOW WITH THAT SUPERPLEX, HUH?! Swaggert stands - gets nailed with the Missle Dropkick, that gets two. Morrison with the Oklahoma Roll, for two. Morrison beats Swagger into the corner, whips him into the other, then goes for the Flying Chuck Kick off the rebound. FACT: The Flying Chuck Kick can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. The incredibly badass, Texas Ranger of a move fails this time however, Swagger kicking Morrison out of the air, getting a nearfall off this. Swaggert with a couple elbow drops and a double leg drop, for two. Swagger locks Morrison into a Chinlock/Hammerlock combo, and the crowd quickly rallies for Morrison as he gets to his feet. Morrison fights out of it, hits the ropes, goes for that Wheelbarrel Bulldog that Mysterio always does - and Swagger fucks his shit up, countering with a German Suplex! Swaggert gets Morrison back into the Chin/Hammerlock, while Striker commands you pleabians to feel the ridge on your forearm..do it.

Morrison fights back, and breaks the hold into the corner. Morrison snapmares Swaggert out of the corner, Morrison goes for a Running Spinning Headscissors - into a DDT! The Ref starts a 10 count. When's the last time this has actually ended a regular match? I think being DQ'd after throwing them over the top rope is a more modern finish..they both stand, and send shots back and forth - Morrison starts unloading on Swaggert. Nails a jumping Shoulderblock, before throwing Swagger to the outside - likely coming close to being DQ'd. Swaggert lands on the apron, tries to jump in - Morrison nails him with a Roundhouse out of the air - this get's two. Swagger goes for a Back Suplex, Morrison slips out the back, gets a roll-up off the ropes, for two. Morrison then nails the Flying Chuck Kick, for two! FACT: The Flying Chuck Kick once played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won. Morrison tries to shoot Swagger off the ropes, Swagger reverses, goes for a Back Body Drop - Morrison counters with the kick. (MY FANLAW REQUEST STILL STANDS) Swaggert leans against the ropes, Morrison approaches him - and Swagger lifts him up, and drops him into a Hotshot!

This leaves Morrison wide open - Doctor Bomb hits big! Swagger covers - but Morrison grabs the bottom rope. An annoyed Swagger pulls Morrison up and goes for the Oklahoma Slam - Morrison slips out the back, throws Swaggert into the corner, and HITS THE FUCKING PELE KICK!!! HOLY HIGH HELL, THE PELE KICK!!! CAN YOU BELEIVE IT, MIKE TENAY?!?! Morrison follows up with the Pain of a Starship - and gets three!

Winner: John Morrison

Rating: ****

Same rating as last time, although I think the first was a little better. Went on a little longer, I beleive. Morrison getting the win is interesting, although he did defeat CM Punk during his first World Title run on SD!, and that didn't really lead to much. Post-match, Chimel announces Swaggert as still the World Heavyweight Champion.


Commercial thoughts -

When we come back, we see a Steel Cage set up in the air, which they likely took hours setting up solely to preview the Edge/Jericho match at Extreme Rules, because lolslavelabor.

TO THE BACK~! to see CM Punk with slightly cut hair, complaing to Long about it. He calls Mysterio a little sociopathic gremlin in a mask. Long says I don't give a shit, it's your problem, you stupid little honkey. I might have paraphrased. Punk says that Mysterio knows that Sunday at Extreme Rules, he will not be able to RAPE HIM OF HIS DIGNITY at Extreme Rules. Long says he hopes Punk wins, because he will likely look ugly, bald. Punk calls Long chuckles, then tells him he won't find it funny when he finds and hurts Rey Mysterio. Long says that tonight, Punk and Gallows will be facing off against Rey Mysterio and THE UNDAHTAHKAAAAAAAAAAAAAA...'s brother, Kane! Guess Rey-Rey's forgiven him for that whole "Lock him and torture him for weeks on end" thing.

TO THE RING~!, and this the part where we crank it up, as out comes NXT's least predominant pro, R-Truth. Out next, is perhaps the second or third least predominant on NXT, Matt Hardy.

Dolph Ziggler and Drew McIntyre vs. R-Truth and Matt Hardy

You never hear the shot that takes you down~

..God, I want that song so damned badly! Striker reveals to us that Roddy Piper was born in Canada, therefore effectively sullying any and every mannerism that Piper has ever had. He also mentions that McIntyre was scouted out during a round of golf, therefore effectively sullying Big Show's reputation of having the funniest "talent discovery story". Sorry man, Basketball's cool - even if it doesn't hold grudges - but it just can't compare to seeing someone with a nine iron and go "Man, you hold that thing like it's a Steel Chair! I need guys like you on my roster!" Truth and Ziggler start us off, circling each other. Truth asks the crowd "What is the person, place or thing that is located aerially from our standpoint?" before locking up with Dolph. Truth gets Ziggler in a headlock, getting a Hip Toss in for a two count. Ziggler goes for a Hammerlock, but Truth counters into another headlock. Truth takes Ziggler to the corner, before tagging in Matt. Truth tries to whip Ziggler to the corner, Ziggler reverses, Truth with the float-over, Ziggler tries for a clothesline, Truth ducks - and Hardy sends Ziggy into the air, hot-shotting him onto the second rope! Matt randomly tries to attack McIntyre, because that's how faces wrestle, but McInytre dodges it by dropping off to the floor.

Commercial thoughts -

WHEN WE COME BACK, we see Ziggler putting Hardy into a Headlock. Matt quickly fights up, elbows out of it, and takes it to Ziggy. Hardy whips Ziggy to the corner, hits a Corner Clothesline, and follows up with what is called an Alley Oop, atleast according to those penniless miscreants at THQ. This gets two. Matt pulls Ziggler up, goes for a Side Effect - Ziggy counters by shoving Matt shoulder-first into the steel pole! Matt falls onto the Steel Steps on the outside - where McIntyre stomps Hardy's head, smashing them between the steps! Damn, son. Marley goes to the outside and beats on Matt, who has gone completely limp. Marely pulls Matt into the ring, and goes for the cover - but Matt kicks out. Matt tries to fight up..but the Referee stops the match.

Winners: Dolph Ziggler and Drew McIntyre

Rating: **1/2

Similar to the McIntyre/Hardy match, solid match, made a little better by a rather brutal finish. Post-match, McIntyre jumps Hardy and throws him head-first into the steps. Close-up, McIntyre tells Matt that this is the last time he ever wants to see him.

TO THE BACK~! to see Chris Jericho and his rookie Wade Barrett.....WALK. Are you talking to me?! Are you talking to me?! No way punk! Meanwhile, the Steel Cage lowers.


Commercial thoughts - So I'm on the TWF forums, and I see that there are six guests..obviously, the reason the forum is slow right now is not because people don't want to be on it. I figure it's been said by now, but I thought I'd clarify again - if you want to visit the forums, you need to go to it's direct link. Not the link off the main site, with the menu bar - that won't work. The direct link - as RD Reynolds would say - is righchere:

AND WE'RE BACK~! Out comes Jericho and Barrett, into the cage-surrounded ring. Jericho gets on the microphone, on the microphone, on the microphone..and he can split the atom of a molecule, of a molecule, of a molecule..

He says he will make this perfectly clear so that even you moronic hypocrites can understand him - ME. WANT. TITLE. SHOT. Actually, he says that this Sunday at Extreme Rules, he shall end the career of Edge. I liked my version better. No more heroic comebacks, no more title reigns, and no more FLYING HUG OF DEATH AND DESPAIR~! He said he laid the groundwork by injuring Edge's ankle. Jericho says that the cage match will be the biggest moment of his career. He explains some of the ways of which he will inevitively beat the ever-loving dog shit out of him, including jumping off the top right onto his ankle and send him home. Next Monday night, when the entire roster is waiting to see where they get drafted, he shall draft him AUTOMATICALLY TO TEAM BLU. Jericho says that instead of chanting Spear, they will be chanting Good-Bye Edge. Na na na na..


Edge has a microphone, has a microphone, has a microphone..and he can see your face on the telephone, on the telephone, on the telephone..he says that Chris brings up a good point - ME DO WANT TITLE SHOT? He says that a lot of people have been asking how he will compete at Extreme Rules. The same way a lot of people randomly stop comedians in the street, and give them material. Edge says that he is pretty banged up, but nothing will stop him from getting in that cage this Sunday. And that there's nothing that would stop him from getting in this cage right now. Except, you know, common sense. Edge entires the cage, while saying that he knows how to deal with an injury - mentioning that he's broken his FRICKIN' NECK - but Jericho does not. Edge asks if he looks like a man that has anything to lose. Actually, he does look like he could stand to lose some 970 teeth, but that's besides the point. Edge says that he plans on finding out if Jericho can handle it, and that nothing can stop him from stopping him from spearing him through the cage - and right now.Edge attacks them both, while injured, inside a cage. Yep. He's face alright - heels aren't that incredibly stupid. Jericho and Barrett beat down Edge for a bit, but Edge fights back - hits the Edge-o-matic on Barrett, then goes for the spear on Jericho, but Jericho escapes and closes the door, abandoning Barrett. Edge destroys Barrett in the ring, ending it with a FLYING HUG OF DOOM, DEATH, DESPAIR AND GENERAL DISPLEASURE. Edge puts on his best rapist face while glaring at Jericho, who backs up the ramp.

Just before commercials, we see a trailer for MacGruber, a movie that involves Khali, MVP, Big Show, Mark Henry and Chris Jericho teaming up in some sort of Ocean's 5 pairing. Looks as though it could either be epic or epic fail. Can't really tell.


Commercial thoughts -

WHEN WE COME BACK~, we see a replay of JTG beating Caylen Croft, before getting jumped by Shad - only to get the better of him in an angle that still surprises me.

Shad Gaspard is on the commentary team, as generic hip music plays. It is here we learn that JTG and Shad will be facing off at Extreme Rules in..a..strap match?!?! Oh, I get it, WWE, I get it, yeah. You got tired of whipping your slaves, so now you want to see your slaves whip each other! Is this how you get your sick kicks?! Shad said he won't be facing JTG, he'll be dominating him. JTG comes out here, and the fans certainly seem to be getting behind him. Up next, comes Mike Knox. Not to give spoilers, but he got fired swiftly after this taping, so I kinda doubt his chances here.

JTG vs. a Beard (w/Mike Knox)

JTG ducks two clotheslines, and takes it to Knox, only to get hit with the Low-Flying, Thought-that-counts Crossbody for two! Knox beats on JTG, getting a two count off a splash. Knox throws JTG to the corner, rushes him - JTG kicks his nappy-bearded ass away, before going up top. JTG with the Flipping Shoulderblock off the top! JTG with a running dropkick, starts rolling the dice - hits the Facebuster off the corner! Knox falls to the outside, where JTG nails him with a Plancha! JTG follows Knox to the outside, confronts Shad for a moment, before throwing Knox into the ring. Shad, by the by, seems pretty comfortable on the mic, which I didn't really expect. Shad insists that JTG is all flash, going so far as to claim that he is "worse than LeBron James". Trollface.jpeg, Shad goes into the ring, and Knox catches him with a kick. However, when Knox shoots him off the ropes, JTG counters with the Rolling Neckbreaker, for three!

Winner: JTG

Ratings: **

Quick little match, but good for what it was. As I said a couple weeks ago, I've seen good things from JTG in bits and peices - and I think the longer he gets, the more impressive he will look. Post-match, JTG once again gets no celebration time, as in comes Shad with his 80's Vince McMahon-esque blue suit, whipping the back of JTG with a strap. Okay mastah, ah dawn't want to give yo' no trouble. Shad tells him "it's my time" over and over. Hey, Jimmy, keep your finger off the switchhhh!





Out comes the world's coolest skeleton. McCool and Layla's little choreographed dance reminds me of the N64 games where tag teams moved identically with the exact same animations. Beth Phoenix and Mickie James come out next. RELEASED SIGHTING #2. As Phoenix and Mickie make their entrance, they hype what they are calling an Extreme Makeover match. No idea what that means.

Mickie James and Beth Phoenix vs. LayCool

Wright and Layla start out. Layla rushes Phoenix, but Phoenix just picks her up and spins her around with one arm, before taking her up in Back Suplex position, and tossing her to her feet. Layla gets a few kicks in, only to be tripped up by Wright, who puts her into Catapult position. She managed to tag out to McCool before this, however. Phoenix hits the Giant Swing on Layla - and McCool has to jump over her to keep from being tripped. Phoenix goes for a Military Press on Layla, but McCool catches Phoenix with a snap kick to the left leg. McCool then works the left leg, going for a cover that gets two. Michelle continues singling out the leg. McCool puts Phoenix into the corner, and tags out to Layla. Layla pulls Phoenix's leg against the bottom rope. Phoenix fights back, however, and throws Layla headfirst into the second turnbuckle pad - tags in Mickie James! In slides James between Layla's legs, and she takes it to LayCool with the hot tag. Layla tries to catch her off with a kick, only to get hit with the Regal Cutter. James goes up top - for the Louise Thesz Press! James goes for the cover - but Michelle catches James with a knee. Michelle is caught by Beth, who takes her to the outside - but while she does this, Layla catches James with a Neckbreaker that Striker calls the Layout. This gets the victory for LayCool.

Winners: LayCool

Ratings: **

Eh, had it's moments.

Post-match, Phoenix confronts Layla, only to get clipped from behind by McCool. Layla takes Mickie to the outside as McCool takes it to Beth. Layla then pulls out...an ironing board? Seriously? Layla sets the ironing board up against the corner, and LayCool throw Beth into the board! McCool stalks her (I thought that was Mickie's problem) before nailing her with the Knee Trembler. While this occurs, Vickie takes out some lipstick, which LayCool smear all over Phoenix's face and head.

So, naturally, we transition from that to the sight of a nodding Kane. He's speaking to his former slave in the back about their main event tag tonight, before we go to COMMERCIALS

Commercial thoughts - Stop and bear witness to this..my ultimate 1 Subscriber Special!


We come back to the see the Society of Straightedge make their entrance. The signs against Punk are getting less and less creative as they continue, one of which saying Punk is junk. MY RIBS. OH GOD. MY RIBS. Punk has a microphone, has a microphone, has a microphone..and he can keep rythm with no metronome, no metronome, no metronome..he says that after tonight, he will be done talking. Come Sunday, he will let his actions speak. Just like Rey's actions say that he is a coward, after chopping a part of his hair off. Punk says that he hopes he finds solace in that lock of hair, as that is all he shall get. When Sunday night is in the book, he shall be victorious. His hair will remain to be angelic and pure, whereas that ponytail Rey grew for WM was the symbol of all sin and evil. Punk says that his vision will be complete, and that is why there is a barber's chair at ringside. Oh, hey..there's a barber's chair at ringside. Punk says that someone here tonight is joining the Straightedge Society. Before there are any takers, out comes Rey-Rey-Rey. Pedo-Rey presses his forehead against other little kids foreheads, rubbing up against them here like he does on the bus. What makes me even more angry, is that he's such an elitist - he won't give you any forehead nookie unless you have his mask. Kids without masks are to Rey Mysterio, what Jews are to Santa Claus. Barely even knows they're there. THE FLAMES BURST, and out comes THE UNDAHTAKAAAAAAAAAH...'s brother Kane.

Master and Slave vs. Master and Slave

Rey Mysterio starts out with Luke Gallows, because lollittlespikedudleyvsbigguido. Rey catches him with the kicks to the leg..OF DEATH. Rey is somehow distracted by Punk, dispite not looking his way, and Gallows takes over. Gallows splashes Rey, before tagging in Punk. Punk pulls Rey up, and powerwhips him into the corner, ala SVR. Punk pulls Mysterio up, hits a few knees, before going for a Back Suplex - Rey slips out the back, and tags in Kane. Punk crab walks his way to his corner, LIKE A BOSS. COMMERCIALS

Commercial Thoughts - B

WE COME BACK, to see Gallows whip Kane to the ropes, only for Kane to counter with a Shoulderblock. Kane shows his Hell University wrestling skills, putting Gallows into a headlock, but Gallows fights out of it, and nails a huge clothesline. Gallows tags out to Punk, Punk goes for the Springboard Clothesline - but Kane catches him out of the air with the throat thrust! Kane tags in Rey, who nails a Basement Dropkick! Rey tries to whip Punk to the corner, Punk reverses, Rey with the float-over, Rey bumrushes Punk, and Punk elevates Mysterio into the air, leaving him to fall facefirst onto the second turnbuckle pad. Punk hits the Pepsi One in the corner, for two. Punk hits a number of kicks to the back of Rey, before locking him into what is similar to a Bow and Arrow Lock. Rey kicks out of it, hits the ropes, and runs into an elbow from Punk, that gets two. Punk takes Rey into the corner and tags out to Gallows. Gallows beats on Rey-Rey in the corner. After some extended punishment, Gallows grabs the wrists of Rey and crosses his arms. Look, I don't know a lot of submission holds, alright? Striker didn't name it either..Rey kicks away from Gallows - Rey hits the ropes, Gallows tries to counter with an Oklahoma Slam, but Rey counters with a DDT! This allows Rey-Rey to tag in Kane, while Punk tags in Gallows! Man..I wonder who'll be getting the hot tag here?

HOLY FUCKING ASS CRACKERS, IT'S KANE! Yes, Kane beats on Punk, hitting a Corner Clothesline, then nailing a Side Slam off the rebound. Kane goes up top, for the Hellish Clothesline from the Heavens, that gets two after Gallows breaks up the count! Gallows rushes at Mysterio, but he pulls the top rope down and Gallows falls to the outside. Punk hits the ropes - and runs into a Big Boot. Kane tags in Rey, and Rey hits a splash off the shoulders of Kane, for two! Mysterio dropkicks Punk into the middle ropes, and Punk immediately falls asleep between them. However, Serena quickly goes up to the apron to keep Mysterio from going for the 619. Mysterio hits the opposite ropes anyway, and Gallows trips him up, before pulling him to the outside. Gallows goes for a Clothesline, but Rey ducks it - Kane comes in with a shot that takes Gallows into the crowd! Mysterio re-enters the ring, only to get caught by Punk! Punk goes for an Irish Whip, Rey holds onto the ropes, Punk rushes, Mysterio catches him with a kick - Mysterio goes for a Springboard Reverse DDT, but Punk catches Rey-Rey in Go To Sleep position! Rey fights out, tries for a Sunset Flip - but Punk drops to his knees for the cover, and the flash victory!

Winners: CM Punk and Luke Gallows

Rating: ***

Rather brawl-centric at times, but still a solid match, with a pretty exciting finish. Post-match, Punk attacks Rey, pulls him up and nails a spin kick that takes him to the ropes. Punk rushes, Rey catches him with a Low Dropkick that takes him to the middle ropes. Rey goes for a 619 - but Punk slips out to the apron, so instead Rey hits a Baseball Slide..that takes Punk into the Barber's Chair! Rey with another kick that knocks Punk out! Rey takes up the clippers, but Serena gets in the way, allowing Punk to escape. Mysterio holds up the clippers, to a good pop. Must be a popular brand. That will do it for tonight, and for this recap!

Show Rating: ***

Not quite as good as the last couple of weeks, but still a very solid show. The matches where all average at the very least.

The Good: Morrison/Swagger has to take this.

The Bad: Phoenix's makeup job did seem pretty corny.

The Ugly: Mickie James getting fired after the shows taping..how weak.

Jordan Huie is an incredibly sweet and innocent 16 year old, that's American by birth, and Southern BAH THE GRACE OF GAWD! Some people call him Zeel1. Some people call him TheYTViewer. Some people call him Y2Z. Some people call him Maurrriiice~! *Wah-wow!* His typical attire is a combo of T-Shirts with Affliction-esque designs, leather jackets, sunglasses, and Houndstooth Fedoras, which he enjoys wearing, even with the knowledge that it makes him look like Jimmy Hart's rebellous grandson. His first contact with any other living being was of a horse with a busted leg, who's owner shot himself, because he couldn't bare the weight of shooting said horse. Jordan, naturally, named the horse "Lucky", and Lucky walked through many mountains and valleys, despite his searing pains, to bring Jordan to his parents. His parents, in return, immediately shot Lucky, to show their appreciation. It is beleived that this experiance is what makes him the teenager he is today.

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November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).