LOWDOWN ON SMACKDOWN
(04/16/10)
By Jordan Huie
The theme of this recap is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdnxBA7qLjU
Calm Like A
Bomb by Rage Against The Machine
Good evening, TWF and EWCF readers! It is time for another edition of Z-Truth/the Lowdown on SmackDown!, and I am your adorable party host, Jordan Huie! And this week, I actually figured out where we are - London, England! ...which..kinda contridicts the whole "no country other than America has cities" Fan Law, but hey, it's London, we can make that exception.
We start this show off right, as out comes our Lord and Savior, Chris Jericho! This promo will be LEGEND- wait for it..
While Jericho makes his entrance, Todd Grisham pronounces Hasselhoff as "Alchohaul" somehow, before hyping up the Swaggert/Orton..title match at Extreme Rules? Huh. This is news to me. I guess I should pay a little more attention to Raw..or to Cameron Burge's recaps. Two peeps in the crowd have signs that say "I'm a hypocrite" and "I'm a parasite" respectively. What great self-degregation, get them off this staff pronto!
Jericho gets on the mic, and states that he will talk slowly and simply so that even the Mexican demographic - I mean, even all the parasites can understand him. Jericho complains about the World Heavyweight Title needing to be exclusive to SmackDown!, mentioning that he brought prominance and glory to that very title. It's true, nobody ever though it could be returned from the depths of having Khali win it after eliminating some 14 cruiserweights. He mentions that Swaggert cashed the MITB case in on him, therefore entitling him to a rematch, and yet he doesn't have one. Why? Because Teddy Long is the most incompetant buffoon that's ever had a viagra-induced heart attack. The fans actually cheer this. He says Long needs to rectify the situation by doing a number of things.
1. Hand in his resignation immediately
2. Ensure that he faces the winner of Orton/Swaggert as soon as the match is over
3. ???
4. PROFIT!
Jericho says even the hypocrites understand that he has been mistreated, and deserves better. Suddenly, out comes some guy with horseteeth..he looks familar. I think I know him..
Whoever this guy is, he says that he strangely finds himself agreeing with a few of Jericho's points. He says that the title should stay on SmackDown, and that Jericho does deserve a rematch, as well as a kick to the cobblepot. Whoever in the holy hell this guy is, he says that he doesn't think Chris is the guy to save the title for SmackDown, and calls him damaged goods. He asks how many time he's speared him over the last month, stood over him while he clutched his ribs wondering if they're broken. He says that in the condition Jericho is, he couldn't beat Orton or Swaggert. Chris asks if he thinks he can beat them, and the random dude says he knows he can. The crowd starts a random chant for one of Goldberg's finishers..odd. It's at this point, that Teddy Long's terrible theme hits, and out comes saying he doesn't appreciate Jericho hatin' on him. Haters wanna hate, lovers wanna love..Jericho tells him if he were doing his job, he wouldn't have to be hating on him. Jericho says that what Long is doing is unacceptable. Naughty stool~! He demands to get what he deserves. Long states that what Jericho deserves is to be thrown from the building. LIES AND SLANDER. Long says that he knows Chris has a rematch clause, but isn't the one to decide it. Long then announces that Jericho will be getting his championship rematch..tonight~! Jericho thanks him for finally getting his shit together, before saying that he will beat Swaggert tonight, retain against Orton, and then make sure Edge never gets another title shot again. Long interupts and says that Jericho has no POWAH. Long says he belees Edge - whoever that is - when he says he can keep the title on SmackDown!, before announcing that the title match tonight will be a TRIPLE THREAT MATCH, PLAYA! NOW BLEE DAT!
COMMERCIALS
Commercial Thoughts - Commercial Thoughts - Does switching to Gieco really save you 15% or more on Car Insurance..? ....Is registering at ewcf.co.nr the smartest thing you could ever possibly do to increase the pleasure of your entire fleeting existance?
When we come back, McIntyre's amazing theme plays. I'm convinced the only reason that crowds aren't that loud when he comes out is simply because they are too busy listening to and loving that song. Out he walks, all slow, like he thinks he's Orton. Big Mac takes up a mic, wonder if he'll say anything this week. He says the people don't like him. Could it be, he asks, because he's young, hung and good with his tongue? Wait, that's Joel Gertner, sorry. You can understand me getting them mixed up, right? I mean, they're so similar! Maybe, he says, it's because he's the Champion of the Inter-Continents. Or perhaps because he's Jeff Jar- I mean, THE CHOSEN ONE. He says the people don't like him, and he doesn't like them either. He then throws the mic down, and it hits the mat the moment Kane's Stage Flames burst, which somehow reminds me of the Aqua Teens, when Shake would throw things down and they would randomly explode. Out comes Kane, to the ring.
Intercontinental Champion, Drew McIntyre vs. Kane (Non-Title, as far as I know)
McIntyre makes his way to the corner, ducks a shot from Kane, and starts pounding on him in the corner, and beats him to an opposite. FROM PILLER TO POST, BAH GAWD! Kane strikes back from the corner however, before hurling McIntyre halfway across the ring. Kane then puts McInytre into a headlock, his amatuer days at Hell U really paying off here. McInytre fights to his efeet, then breaks the headlock off the ropes, but Kane rebounds off the ropes into a Shoulder Block, that gets a 1 count. Kane gets him back in a Headlock, before snapmaring him to a prone position, and nailing him with a Basement Dropkick, for two. Kane takes Drew to the corner, then whips him to the opposite corner. Kane goes for a Shoulder Block, but Drew evades it - then nails Kane with a Running Big Boot. Nice exchange. McIntyre hits a Neckbreaker, for 1. McIntyre beats onto Kane into the corner. McIntyre hits the ropes - and Kane counters with a Big Boot. Drew stumbles into the corner, Kane with a clothesline into it, leading into a Side Slam, for two. Kane then goes up top, for the Flying Clothesline...from hell? I dunno, heaven would be apropos for it, seeing as it's from the air and all, but it's Kane, for God's sakes..I dunno, juries out. While I waste time with this stupid bullshit, Kane stalks for the chokeslam. But McIntyre leaves the ring to avoid it..and then starts going up the ramp - only for Matt Hardy to run down, and send McIntyre back into the ring! Stupidly enough, the ref decides this is grounds for Disqaulification, as Kane chokeslams McIntyre.
Winner:
Drew McIntyre, by DQ
Rating:
**2/3
Very nice match actually, but should've been longer. Post-match, Hardy..checks on McIntyre? I'm guessing he was supposed to be taunting him, but damned if he didn't look concerned. Kane then grabs Matt, and chokeslams him as well. I..have no idea what story they're building to with this.
TO THE BACK, BAH GAWD, to see Teddy Long pressing buttons on his phone. CAN YOU SAY RATINGS?! In comes Jack Swaggert behind him, belt on his shoulder. Swaggert stares at him for an awkwardly long time, before spouting out "Who do you think you are?! This is the most unfair ruling you've ever made!" Teddy says well hey Jack, ah-dontcha know that as long as you hold the World Heavyweight Title, you will be my bitch. I might have paraphrased, just slightly.
Up next, out comes Zeigheil, while a vid plays of him putting Josh Matthews in a Sleeper. ZZToppler takes up the mic. Dolphin tells us that the GM demanded he publically apologize for abusing Matthews. Endolphin therefore gives an apology that would make Mel Gibson say "Damn, that was insincere!" After this, IT'S TIME TO CRANK IT UP, HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO! If you're every wondering where the show is being held, just listen to R-Truth, who would've made a great fifth beatle, according to Striker. R-Truth starts talking shit on Ziggy Thump, telling him he has no heart, no soul, and has never been sincere or humble about anything in his life, saying "that's the truth" after every statement. In just a few minutes, he's about to find out that the truth hurts, according to him.
Dolpinteen Zangief vs. R-Truth
They circle for a moment, and Nicky offers a handshake - only to attack Truth. It should be noted Truth didn't actually accept it, just dropped his gaurd. Ziegxies takes it to Truth with a few shots, before nailing him with a sweet looking Inverted Bodyslam, for two. Ziggiez puts Truth into a headlock, as we replay the inverted bodyslam. Truth fights to his feet, then gets out of the headlock with an Arm Drag. Ziggikins goes for a clothesline, but Truth ducks it, then starts with a series of his own clotheslines. Truth goes for an irish whip into the corner, Ziggles reverses it, Truth does the usual floatover, backflips, ducks a clothesline with the splits, then nails Ziggy Marely with a Leg Lariat. Truth with a Hip Toss, goes for the Lie Detector, but Zigzag ducks it. Truth takes a moment to stand, and the Zig stalks for a bit - before locking in the Sleeper! Truth struggles, but Zigs takes him to the mat, and puts in a Body Scissors. The crowd tries to rally for Truth, but before too long, he's out.
Winner:
Dolph Ziggler
Rating:
**1/2
See the summary for McIntyre/Kane.
COMMERCIALS
Commercial Thoughts - So I'm on the TWF forums, and I see that there are six guests..obviously, the reason the forum is slow right now is not because people don't want to be on it. I figure it's been said by now, but I thought I'd clarify again - if you want to visit the forums, you need to go to it's direct link. Not the link off the main site, with the menu bar - that won't work. The direct link - as RD Reynolds would say - is righchere: http://thewrestlingfan.forumco.com/
Just thought I'd clear that up for people, because I'm so nice to you fucking penniless miscreants.
When we return, out skips Mickie James.
Mickie James vs. Women's Champion Michelle McCool (w/Layla and Vickie) (Non-Title..?)
Amusingly enough, Striker claims that Mickie James' fans are known as the James Gang, bia bia! Mickie takes control by..grabbing her hair and pulling her forwards? Okay..Michelle throws Mickie backwards, and then does the Steiner push-ups..the hell? Mickie counters with push-ups of her own. HAH?! Strange..Mickie then hits a dropkick on the prone Michelle, and goes for a roll-up, and a Jacknife (Jillknife?) Cover, both of which get nearfalls. McCool stops the momentum with a kick, before going for an Irish Whip into the corner, which Mickie stops with an elbow. Mickie tries for a Tornado DDT out of the corner, but Michelle knocks Mickie to the apron. They fight it out in this position for a bit - until McCool sends Mickie to the steel post. McCool pulls Mickie into the ring, and then rams her head onto the mat. McCool puts Mickie in a headscissors. McCool drives Mickie facefirst into the mat using the headscissors. Mickie gets to the ropes, and starts fighting back out of the break, but McCool cuts it off, and starts beating on Mickie. Mickie fights back after being put in the corner, then hits her signature Rana out of the corner, which Michelle responds to by leaving the ring. Mickie follows, and sends her into the barricade. Mickie then gets onto the barricade - and Louise Thesz Presses McCool! Damn, didn't see that coming..she then does the same to Layla, before dragging McCool into the ring. Mickie hits the ropes - McCool goes for a clothesline, Mickie ducks it and nails a Neckbreaker. Mickie goes for a pin, but Layla distracts the ref. Mickie takes Layla down, and turns right into the Sweet Skeleton Music! That'll do, pig.
Winner:
Michelle McCool
Rating:
***
Best diva match I've seen in a while, not gonna lie. I should note that they have a differant rating standard then the male matches. Post-match, McCool beats on Mickie, only for Beth Phoenix to run into the ring. She tries to attack, only for Layla and Vickie to drag Michelle to the outside. Phoenix chases the three of them into the crowd, and stands on the barricade to stare them down. Phoenix's music plays, and she goes into the ring to help Mickie up, which I'm sure the James Gang, bia bia, really appreciate. We see a Six-Man Tag Match hyped tonight, pitting Rey-Rey and the Hart Dynasty against CM Punk, Luke Gallows and Young Darren.
COMMERCIALS
Commercial Thoughts - Not shit.
When we come back, the commentators are randomly talking about the draft, which I assume was mentioned during the commercials. Striker mentions that they could split up, to which Grisham replies "God save the queen".
TO THE BACK~! with Gallows and Young Darren. Gallows tells Young not to let the upset victoly on NXT get to his nappy head. Gallows tells him that if he ever gets another chance, he'll destroy Young and shave his head. Darren asks him what it feels like losing to an NXT rookie. Punk comes in, to break them up. Punk tells him they're both on thin ice, and that if they want to fight, they should do it in the ring. Punk then consoles Gallows on his Elephantitus, before leading them out to the ring, and..COMMERCIALS?
Commercial Thoughts - If I was actually watching on TV, I'd be annoyed at the sudden rapidfire commercials.
When we come back, the SES (I hear them shouting..SES..I hear them crying..) are in the ring, and The Miz is in the booth.
The Straight Society (CM Punk, Luke Gallows and Young Darren) vs. The Hart Dynasty and Rey-Rey-Rey-Rey
DH Smith starts out with CM Punk. BATTLE OF THE INITIALS. But Punk quickly tags out to Gallows, to be a spoilsport. Gallows takes control of Gallows, whipping him into the corner, and hitting an Avalanche. Gallows takes him to the opposite corner, but DH counters by slamming Gallow's head into the top turnbuckle pad. DH whips him to the opposite corner, goes for the Idiot Charge, but Gallows gets a kick. Gallows rushes at Smith, only to be countered with a Powerslam, that gets two. This is a lot faster then I thought these two would be going. DH pulls Gallows up, and takes him to the corner, where he tags in Mysterio..who then immediately tags in Tyson Kidd? And both Mysterio and (the 1-2-3) Kidd come out for a Triple Team - DH with a Drop Toe Hold, Mysterio Kidd with the Stereo Dropkicks to the head of the Elephant Man. Kidd tries to persue Gallows, who retreats to the corner and tags Punk back in. Punk and Kidd lockup, Kidd with a wristlock, into an armbar. Punk flips out, trips Kidd up, goes for a quick cover, that gets 0. Punk and Kidd circle, go for a Test of Strength, that Punk immediately breaks with a kick. Punk with a Snapmare, and snap kicks the back of Kidd. Punk with an Irish Whip, Kidd counters an Arm Drag with an Arm Drag, then tags out to DH, who kicks Punk..and tags out to Mysterio. DH and Kidd put Punk up into Double Delayed Suplex position - and Mysterio with the Seated Senton onto Punk from that position! OMGWTFBBQINNOVATION. This gets two. Mysterio takes control of Punk in the corner, only to get pulled into the second turnbuckle pad. Punk then unloads onto Mysterio with punches and stomps. Meanwhile, Striker asks Miz what Punk would look like bald. Aren't there celebsites where you can figure stuff like that out? Punk with a Baseball Slide into the turnbuckle post, for a two count. Punk puts Mysterio into an armbar. The crowd rallies as Mysteriou fights to his feet. Punk Irish Whips Mysterio - Mysterio counters with that weird-ass bulldog of his! Mysterio with a dropkick, that takes Punk into 619-position, Mysterio goes for it - Punk escapes to the outside. COMMERCIALS
Commercial Thoughts - Not shit.
When we come back, it's Young Darren and Mysterio in the ring, with Mysterio in the corner. Darren goes for a shot, Mysterio evades it and sends a multitude of kicks to the side of Young. Mysterio tags in DH Smith, who beats on Young in the corner. DH tags in to Kidd, and the two of them hit a Double Shoulderblock on Young. Kidd puts Darren into an armbar. Darren fights up and puts Kidd into the corner, and tags in Gallows, who pounds on Kidd. Gallows pulls Kidd up, and tries to launch Kidd to the outside, but Kidd stays on the apron. Kidd hits a Roundhouse Kick on the Elephant Man, before going for a springboard, but Gallows takes him to the outside with a Big Boot. Gallows swiftly throws him back in, and beats on him a bit before getting a nearfall. Gallows takes Kidd into the corner, where Young tags in, and nails Kidd with a neckbreaker, for a nearfall. Punk tags in, and hits a spinning kick to the torso of Kidd, and takes him to the mat for a 2 count. Punk nails a Backbreaker on Kidd, for another two. Punk locks Kidd into a headscissors - and the crowd IMMEDIATELY starts the clap for him. Wow, way to be patient. Kidd bridges to get a nearfall on Punk, who breaks his headscissors to slam Kidd down. Punk tags in Young, who goes for a Top Rope Legdrop, but Kidd gets out of the way. Darren tags in Punk, when Kidd tries for the hot tag, and Punk takes Mysterio to the outside, only for Kidd to hit an enziguri on Punk, before tagging in DH.
And DH like a HOUSE OF FIYAH, taking it to the SES. While DH takes Darren and Gallows off the apron, Punk goes for a rollup, DH rolls through for one of his own, that Punk kicks out of. DH tries to take Gallows off the apron again, for reasons I can't explain, but Gallows drops to the outside beforehand. Kidd suddenly teleports over to the SES apron, where he sentons himself onto Gallows. I'd say that's impressive, but Tommy Dreamer can do it..DH turns - and Punk steals Yoshi Tatsu's finisher, hitting a Roundhouse Kick to the head of DH, that gets two! Punk pulls DH up, hits a few knees, then whips DH to the corner. Punk rushes DH, only to get a Drop Toe Hold into the second turnbuckle. I assume this was done to taunt Raven into suing them again. From here, Rey-Rey hits the 619 off the turnbuckle post! Punk rebounds into DH - who nails him with the Running Powerslam, for the win!
Winners: The Hart Dynasty and Rey Mysterio
Rating: ***1/2
Very nice match, and the finish gives it an extra half-point.
TO THE BACK~! where Chris Jericho is talking to Wade Barrett. Jericho tells him he hopes that someday, he gets the oppurtunity that Jericho is getting tonight. He says that he'll be becoming World Champion for the lucky number seventh time. I have no jokes for that, so instead, have this gif.
COMMERCIALS
Commercial Thoughts - A
When we come back, NOT THOSE GUYS are in the ring, and it's apparantly Caylen Croft in a singles match tonight, against JTG. This match-up has potential, but unfortunately I have a feeling that a certain superheavyweight isn't going to let it last very long..
JTG vs. Caylen Croft
JTG and Croft circle in the ring, and lockup. AND HEY, WHAT DO YOU KNOW, OUT COMES SHAD! Caylen takes JTG down with a clothesline, and stomps him down as Shad comes down the ramp. Caylen whips JTG into the ropes, takes him down with a Shoulder Block. Caylen takes JTG down with some kind of Clothesline/Russian Legsweep combo, that gets 2. Very nice. Shad says JTG ain't nothin' without him. AIN'T NOT NOTHING BUT NOTHING. JTG tries to fight back, but Caylen cuts him off. Caylen puts JTG into a headblock, then takes him down with a Back Suplex, that gets 2. Caylen pulls JTG up - JTG gets an Inside Cradle, for two. Croft continues beating onto JTG. Caylen tries for an Irish Whip, goes for a Back Body Drop, but JTG counters it with the slide-punch, Ala Goldust. JTG then hits him with a Doubly-Spinning Neckbreaker. That was as cool as it was needless. JTG ducks a clothesline, hits the ropes for a flipping Shoulder Block. JTG takes it Caylen, and goes for the corner Facebuster, but Caylen shoves him off and nails a Running Neckbreaker, for two. Caylen whips JTG to the corner, only to get taken down with the Roll of the Dice Neckbreaker, for the victoly.
Winner:
JTG
Match Rating:
**1/3
Good little match, but JTG gets no time AT ALL to celebrate, as Shad immediately takes JTG down with a MASSIVE Lariato. Shad then tells JTG he ain't nothin' but nothing about 80 times, before whipping him to the corner and going for the Idiot Rush - only for JTG to counter with the Corner Facebuster! JTG takes it to Shad and dropkicks him to the outside! That..is not how I expected that to go, but I can dig it!
TO THE BACK~! where Edge has a conversation..with Josh Matthews? He tells him he kind of relates to Swaggert, due to the cashing in on MITB. He says that Swaggert's in a tough position - and we talk of the usual "Don't even have to be beat to lose their title" thing. Edge says that he, however, is in a good position, and the he will walk out with the title. This promo brought to you by Generics Inc.
We see a rundown of the Extreme Rules main event matches.
Jimmy Jack Swaggert's Rage Against The Machine rip-off theme hits, and out he comes with his title around his waist. I love how he lost any and all enthusiasm after he won the title. Going into WM, he was all "YEAHYEAHYEAHYEAH IM GOING TO WIN MITB, HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY", and then the moment he wins the belt, he's all "fuck my life".
THREAT x3 - Chris Jericho vs. Edge vs. World Heavyweight Champion, Jimmy Jack Swaggert (Title on the line)
We get a big-fight announcement before the match. Jericho starts off attacking Edge in the corner, Swaggert pushes Jericho away and attacks Edge instead, but Jericho with a roll-up, that Swaggert immediately gets out of - and nails Jericho with a Belly-to-Belly that looked like a Uranage Slam on impact. Edge attacks Swaggert from behind as Jericho leaves the ring. Edge whips Swaggert to a corner, but gets a knee. Swaggert chokes Edge on the ropes, before whipping him off the ropes, but Edge reverses and tosses Swaggert to the floor. As soon as Swaggert hits the ground, in comes Jericho to attack Edge, choking him onto the ropes. Jericho goes for that..running move on the ropes, that ends with him sitting on their back, but Edge gets out of the way, causing Jericho to bounc back to the mat. Edge with a few shots to Jericho, goes for an Irish Whip, Jericho reverses, and Swaggert trips Edge from the outside. Swaggert gets into the ring, as Jericho hits the Guillotine under the bottom rope. Swaggert attacks Edge, and hits another huge Belly-To-Belly on him this time. Jericho pulls Edge up, Swaggert and Jericho with a Double Irish Whip. Edge holds onto the ropes. Jericho rushes first, gets Back Body Dropped - Swaggert rushes as well, Edge pulls the top rope down, causing him to fall. Edge hits the ropes, for a Baseball Slide that takes both men down. Edge pulls Jericho up and throws him into the barricade. Edge then takes it to Swaggert for a bit before throwing him into the ring. Edge tries to follow, but Jericho cuts him off and goes up to the apron, where Swaggert attempts to suplex him into the ring. Jericho fights back, and tries to suplex Swaggert to the outside instead. Edge then comes in and trips up Jericho, take him to the floor, and hot shotting Swaggert onto the top rope. This being our lead-in to COMMERCIALS
Commercial Thoughts - OH GOD HOW I HATE COMMERCIALS INTERUPTING MATCHES
When we come back, Edge whips Swaggert into the corner, goes for a Corner Spear, but Swaggert evades it, leaving Edge to crash shoulder-first into the post. Swaggert covers, for two. Swaggert takes Edge up in an Armbar. Edge fights to his feet, and bounces off the ropes. Edge ducks two clotheslines, only to get taken down with a Backbreaker. Jericho tries to re-enter the ring, but Swaggert knocks him back off the apron, before nailing Edge with the VADAH SPLASH~! This gets a nearfall. Swaggert takes Edge to the corner and beats him into it, that ends up taking him to the outside. Swaggert follows, but Edge with a kick, rams Swaggert into the announce table, only for Jericho to dash in with a clothesline. Jericho pulls Edge into the ring, steals Orton's finisher and punts him in the ribs. Jericho takes up Edge and nails a Back Suplex, for two. Jericho puts Edge in a Chinlock. The fans start to rally, and Edge up to his feet, but Jericho cuts it off, Irish Whips Edge into the corner, goes for a Shoulder Block, but Edge evades and leaves him to crash into the corner. Swaggert grabs Edge, tries for an Oklahoma Slam, but Edge escapes out of the back, and throws Swaggert headfirst into the ribs of Jericho. Edge then goes up top, for a Flying Clothesline on both of his opponents. Edge sends shots to Swaggert and Jericho both, delivering big boots to both of them, before taking Swaggert off the apron, onto the announce table. Jericho rolls Edge up for two, then hits him with an elbow that takes him to the mat. Jericho goes for the Lionsault, Edge rolls away, Jericho lands on his feet - Edge nails the Edge-o-Matic, for two! Jericho goes to the corner, Edge tries to rush him, Jericho catches him with a boot, then goes for a Bulldog, but Edge throws him into the corner. And now, Edge stalks, as the crowd chants for the Flying Hug Of Doom, but Jericho jumps over the FHOD, and rolls him up - INTO THE WALLS OF JERICHO!
BAH GAWD, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL COUNTER! TAP, DAMN YOU, TAP!!! Edge fights to the ropes, but Jericho pulls him to the middle! Swaggert comes in - and Jericho locks him into the Walls as well! TAP, DAMN YOU, TAP!!! Swaggert sqeals on the mat, clearly the only reason he isn't tapping is because the awful pain left him paralyzed! ..not that I'm biased, or anything. But the Man of 1004 Teeth grabs Jericho, and hits him with the Edgacution, to break the Walls! Swaggert kicks Edge, goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Edge counters with a kick of his own, and a second Edgacution on Swaggert! Edge starts the stalk again, as they chant for the FHOD! Edge goes for it, but Jericho with a shoulderblock, for two! As soon as Edge kicks out, Swaggert catches Jericho with an Oklahoma Roll, for two. Jericho and Swaggert get up at the same time - and Jericho catches him with the Codebreaker!! Unfortunately for Jericho, Swaggert falls out of the ring from this. Jericho's along in the ring with Edge..and starts stalking for a FHOD of his own! Jericho bumrushes - but Edge jumps over the FHOD attempt, hits the ropes, and hits Jericho with a FHOD of his own! NO! WHY?! Edge goes for the cover, but Swaggert pulls him out of the ring, and throws him into the barricade. Swaggert then rushes in, and picks up the three, LIKE A BAWSS.
Winner:
Jimmy Jack Swaggert
Rating:
***1/2
Very well-paced and entertaining THREAT x3.
Post-match, Swaggert takes Edge into the ring, and nails him with the Doctor Bomb. As Swaggert takes him time leaving, in comes Jericho to assault Edge's injured ankle! Jericho takes Edge to the steel post, and sticks Edge's left leg between the post and the steps. Edge starts flailing in fear like the little bitch that he is - Jericho with the kick, crushing Edge's leg! Jericho smiles and backs up the ramp LIKE A BAWSS, as the show ends.
Show Rating:
***
Another good edition of SmackDown!, in my view.
The Good: Tough choice between the main event and JTG taking it to Shad - I'm a fan of JTG's, and am surprised to see them give him an even shake in this feud. But I guess I'll give it to the Triple Threat, but very well done.
Good evening, TWF and EWCF readers! It is time for another edition of Z-Truth/the Lowdown on SmackDown!, and I am your adorable party host, Jordan Huie! And this week, I actually figured out where we are - London, England! ...which..kinda contridicts the whole "no country other than America has cities" Fan Law, but hey, it's London, we can make that exception.
We start this show off right, as out comes our Lord and Savior, Chris Jericho! This promo will be LEGEND- wait for it..
While Jericho makes his entrance, Todd Grisham pronounces Hasselhoff as "Alchohaul" somehow, before hyping up the Swaggert/Orton..title match at Extreme Rules? Huh. This is news to me. I guess I should pay a little more attention to Raw..or to Cameron Burge's recaps. Two peeps in the crowd have signs that say "I'm a hypocrite" and "I'm a parasite" respectively. What great self-degregation, get them off this staff pronto!
Jericho gets on the mic, and states that he will talk slowly and simply so that even the Mexican demographic - I mean, even all the parasites can understand him. Jericho complains about the World Heavyweight Title needing to be exclusive to SmackDown!, mentioning that he brought prominance and glory to that very title. It's true, nobody ever though it could be returned from the depths of having Khali win it after eliminating some 14 cruiserweights. He mentions that Swaggert cashed the MITB case in on him, therefore entitling him to a rematch, and yet he doesn't have one. Why? Because Teddy Long is the most incompetant buffoon that's ever had a viagra-induced heart attack. The fans actually cheer this. He says Long needs to rectify the situation by doing a number of things.
1. Hand in his resignation immediately
2. Ensure that he faces the winner of Orton/Swaggert as soon as the match is over
3. ???
4. PROFIT!
Jericho says even the hypocrites understand that he has been mistreated, and deserves better. Suddenly, out comes some guy with horseteeth..he looks familar. I think I know him..
Whoever this guy is, he says that he strangely finds himself agreeing with a few of Jericho's points. He says that the title should stay on SmackDown, and that Jericho does deserve a rematch, as well as a kick to the cobblepot. Whoever in the holy hell this guy is, he says that he doesn't think Chris is the guy to save the title for SmackDown, and calls him damaged goods. He asks how many time he's speared him over the last month, stood over him while he clutched his ribs wondering if they're broken. He says that in the condition Jericho is, he couldn't beat Orton or Swaggert. Chris asks if he thinks he can beat them, and the random dude says he knows he can. The crowd starts a random chant for one of Goldberg's finishers..odd. It's at this point, that Teddy Long's terrible theme hits, and out comes saying he doesn't appreciate Jericho hatin' on him. Haters wanna hate, lovers wanna love..Jericho tells him if he were doing his job, he wouldn't have to be hating on him. Jericho says that what Long is doing is unacceptable. Naughty stool~! He demands to get what he deserves. Long states that what Jericho deserves is to be thrown from the building. LIES AND SLANDER. Long says that he knows Chris has a rematch clause, but isn't the one to decide it. Long then announces that Jericho will be getting his championship rematch..tonight~! Jericho thanks him for finally getting his shit together, before saying that he will beat Swaggert tonight, retain against Orton, and then make sure Edge never gets another title shot again. Long interupts and says that Jericho has no POWAH. Long says he belees Edge - whoever that is - when he says he can keep the title on SmackDown!, before announcing that the title match tonight will be a TRIPLE THREAT MATCH, PLAYA! NOW BLEE DAT!
COMMERCIALS
Commercial Thoughts - Commercial Thoughts - Does switching to Gieco really save you 15% or more on Car Insurance..? ....Is registering at ewcf.co.nr the smartest thing you could ever possibly do to increase the pleasure of your entire fleeting existance?
When we come back, McIntyre's amazing theme plays. I'm convinced the only reason that crowds aren't that loud when he comes out is simply because they are too busy listening to and loving that song. Out he walks, all slow, like he thinks he's Orton. Big Mac takes up a mic, wonder if he'll say anything this week. He says the people don't like him. Could it be, he asks, because he's young, hung and good with his tongue? Wait, that's Joel Gertner, sorry. You can understand me getting them mixed up, right? I mean, they're so similar! Maybe, he says, it's because he's the Champion of the Inter-Continents. Or perhaps because he's Jeff Jar- I mean, THE CHOSEN ONE. He says the people don't like him, and he doesn't like them either. He then throws the mic down, and it hits the mat the moment Kane's Stage Flames burst, which somehow reminds me of the Aqua Teens, when Shake would throw things down and they would randomly explode. Out comes Kane, to the ring.
Intercontinental Champion, Drew McIntyre vs. Kane (Non-Title, as far as I know)
McIntyre makes his way to the corner, ducks a shot from Kane, and starts pounding on him in the corner, and beats him to an opposite. FROM PILLER TO POST, BAH GAWD! Kane strikes back from the corner however, before hurling McIntyre halfway across the ring. Kane then puts McInytre into a headlock, his amatuer days at Hell U really paying off here. McInytre fights to his efeet, then breaks the headlock off the ropes, but Kane rebounds off the ropes into a Shoulder Block, that gets a 1 count. Kane gets him back in a Headlock, before snapmaring him to a prone position, and nailing him with a Basement Dropkick, for two. Kane takes Drew to the corner, then whips him to the opposite corner. Kane goes for a Shoulder Block, but Drew evades it - then nails Kane with a Running Big Boot. Nice exchange. McIntyre hits a Neckbreaker, for 1. McIntyre beats onto Kane into the corner. McIntyre hits the ropes - and Kane counters with a Big Boot. Drew stumbles into the corner, Kane with a clothesline into it, leading into a Side Slam, for two. Kane then goes up top, for the Flying Clothesline...from hell? I dunno, heaven would be apropos for it, seeing as it's from the air and all, but it's Kane, for God's sakes..I dunno, juries out. While I waste time with this stupid bullshit, Kane stalks for the chokeslam. But McIntyre leaves the ring to avoid it..and then starts going up the ramp - only for Matt Hardy to run down, and send McIntyre back into the ring! Stupidly enough, the ref decides this is grounds for Disqaulification, as Kane chokeslams McIntyre.
Winner:
Drew McIntyre, by DQ
Rating:
**2/3
Very nice match actually, but should've been longer. Post-match, Hardy..checks on McIntyre? I'm guessing he was supposed to be taunting him, but damned if he didn't look concerned. Kane then grabs Matt, and chokeslams him as well. I..have no idea what story they're building to with this.
TO THE BACK, BAH GAWD, to see Teddy Long pressing buttons on his phone. CAN YOU SAY RATINGS?! In comes Jack Swaggert behind him, belt on his shoulder. Swaggert stares at him for an awkwardly long time, before spouting out "Who do you think you are?! This is the most unfair ruling you've ever made!" Teddy says well hey Jack, ah-dontcha know that as long as you hold the World Heavyweight Title, you will be my bitch. I might have paraphrased, just slightly.
Up next, out comes Zeigheil, while a vid plays of him putting Josh Matthews in a Sleeper. ZZToppler takes up the mic. Dolphin tells us that the GM demanded he publically apologize for abusing Matthews. Endolphin therefore gives an apology that would make Mel Gibson say "Damn, that was insincere!" After this, IT'S TIME TO CRANK IT UP, HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO! If you're every wondering where the show is being held, just listen to R-Truth, who would've made a great fifth beatle, according to Striker. R-Truth starts talking shit on Ziggy Thump, telling him he has no heart, no soul, and has never been sincere or humble about anything in his life, saying "that's the truth" after every statement. In just a few minutes, he's about to find out that the truth hurts, according to him.
Dolpinteen Zangief vs. R-Truth
They circle for a moment, and Nicky offers a handshake - only to attack Truth. It should be noted Truth didn't actually accept it, just dropped his gaurd. Ziegxies takes it to Truth with a few shots, before nailing him with a sweet looking Inverted Bodyslam, for two. Ziggiez puts Truth into a headlock, as we replay the inverted bodyslam. Truth fights to his feet, then gets out of the headlock with an Arm Drag. Ziggikins goes for a clothesline, but Truth ducks it, then starts with a series of his own clotheslines. Truth goes for an irish whip into the corner, Ziggles reverses it, Truth does the usual floatover, backflips, ducks a clothesline with the splits, then nails Ziggy Marely with a Leg Lariat. Truth with a Hip Toss, goes for the Lie Detector, but Zigzag ducks it. Truth takes a moment to stand, and the Zig stalks for a bit - before locking in the Sleeper! Truth struggles, but Zigs takes him to the mat, and puts in a Body Scissors. The crowd tries to rally for Truth, but before too long, he's out.
Winner:
Dolph Ziggler
Rating:
**1/2
See the summary for McIntyre/Kane.
COMMERCIALS
Commercial Thoughts - So I'm on the TWF forums, and I see that there are six guests..obviously, the reason the forum is slow right now is not because people don't want to be on it. I figure it's been said by now, but I thought I'd clarify again - if you want to visit the forums, you need to go to it's direct link. Not the link off the main site, with the menu bar - that won't work. The direct link - as RD Reynolds would say - is righchere: http://thewrestlingfan.forumco.com/
Just thought I'd clear that up for people, because I'm so nice to you fucking penniless miscreants.
When we return, out skips Mickie James.
Mickie James vs. Women's Champion Michelle McCool (w/Layla and Vickie) (Non-Title..?)
Amusingly enough, Striker claims that Mickie James' fans are known as the James Gang, bia bia! Mickie takes control by..grabbing her hair and pulling her forwards? Okay..Michelle throws Mickie backwards, and then does the Steiner push-ups..the hell? Mickie counters with push-ups of her own. HAH?! Strange..Mickie then hits a dropkick on the prone Michelle, and goes for a roll-up, and a Jacknife (Jillknife?) Cover, both of which get nearfalls. McCool stops the momentum with a kick, before going for an Irish Whip into the corner, which Mickie stops with an elbow. Mickie tries for a Tornado DDT out of the corner, but Michelle knocks Mickie to the apron. They fight it out in this position for a bit - until McCool sends Mickie to the steel post. McCool pulls Mickie into the ring, and then rams her head onto the mat. McCool puts Mickie in a headscissors. McCool drives Mickie facefirst into the mat using the headscissors. Mickie gets to the ropes, and starts fighting back out of the break, but McCool cuts it off, and starts beating on Mickie. Mickie fights back after being put in the corner, then hits her signature Rana out of the corner, which Michelle responds to by leaving the ring. Mickie follows, and sends her into the barricade. Mickie then gets onto the barricade - and Louise Thesz Presses McCool! Damn, didn't see that coming..she then does the same to Layla, before dragging McCool into the ring. Mickie hits the ropes - McCool goes for a clothesline, Mickie ducks it and nails a Neckbreaker. Mickie goes for a pin, but Layla distracts the ref. Mickie takes Layla down, and turns right into the Sweet Skeleton Music! That'll do, pig.
Winner:
Michelle McCool
Rating:
***
Best diva match I've seen in a while, not gonna lie. I should note that they have a differant rating standard then the male matches. Post-match, McCool beats on Mickie, only for Beth Phoenix to run into the ring. She tries to attack, only for Layla and Vickie to drag Michelle to the outside. Phoenix chases the three of them into the crowd, and stands on the barricade to stare them down. Phoenix's music plays, and she goes into the ring to help Mickie up, which I'm sure the James Gang, bia bia, really appreciate. We see a Six-Man Tag Match hyped tonight, pitting Rey-Rey and the Hart Dynasty against CM Punk, Luke Gallows and Young Darren.
COMMERCIALS
Commercial Thoughts - Not shit.
When we come back, the commentators are randomly talking about the draft, which I assume was mentioned during the commercials. Striker mentions that they could split up, to which Grisham replies "God save the queen".
TO THE BACK~! with Gallows and Young Darren. Gallows tells Young not to let the upset victoly on NXT get to his nappy head. Gallows tells him that if he ever gets another chance, he'll destroy Young and shave his head. Darren asks him what it feels like losing to an NXT rookie. Punk comes in, to break them up. Punk tells him they're both on thin ice, and that if they want to fight, they should do it in the ring. Punk then consoles Gallows on his Elephantitus, before leading them out to the ring, and..COMMERCIALS?
Commercial Thoughts - If I was actually watching on TV, I'd be annoyed at the sudden rapidfire commercials.
When we come back, the SES (I hear them shouting..SES..I hear them crying..) are in the ring, and The Miz is in the booth.
The Straight Society (CM Punk, Luke Gallows and Young Darren) vs. The Hart Dynasty and Rey-Rey-Rey-Rey
DH Smith starts out with CM Punk. BATTLE OF THE INITIALS. But Punk quickly tags out to Gallows, to be a spoilsport. Gallows takes control of Gallows, whipping him into the corner, and hitting an Avalanche. Gallows takes him to the opposite corner, but DH counters by slamming Gallow's head into the top turnbuckle pad. DH whips him to the opposite corner, goes for the Idiot Charge, but Gallows gets a kick. Gallows rushes at Smith, only to be countered with a Powerslam, that gets two. This is a lot faster then I thought these two would be going. DH pulls Gallows up, and takes him to the corner, where he tags in Mysterio..who then immediately tags in Tyson Kidd? And both Mysterio and (the 1-2-3) Kidd come out for a Triple Team - DH with a Drop Toe Hold, Mysterio Kidd with the Stereo Dropkicks to the head of the Elephant Man. Kidd tries to persue Gallows, who retreats to the corner and tags Punk back in. Punk and Kidd lockup, Kidd with a wristlock, into an armbar. Punk flips out, trips Kidd up, goes for a quick cover, that gets 0. Punk and Kidd circle, go for a Test of Strength, that Punk immediately breaks with a kick. Punk with a Snapmare, and snap kicks the back of Kidd. Punk with an Irish Whip, Kidd counters an Arm Drag with an Arm Drag, then tags out to DH, who kicks Punk..and tags out to Mysterio. DH and Kidd put Punk up into Double Delayed Suplex position - and Mysterio with the Seated Senton onto Punk from that position! OMGWTFBBQINNOVATION. This gets two. Mysterio takes control of Punk in the corner, only to get pulled into the second turnbuckle pad. Punk then unloads onto Mysterio with punches and stomps. Meanwhile, Striker asks Miz what Punk would look like bald. Aren't there celebsites where you can figure stuff like that out? Punk with a Baseball Slide into the turnbuckle post, for a two count. Punk puts Mysterio into an armbar. The crowd rallies as Mysteriou fights to his feet. Punk Irish Whips Mysterio - Mysterio counters with that weird-ass bulldog of his! Mysterio with a dropkick, that takes Punk into 619-position, Mysterio goes for it - Punk escapes to the outside. COMMERCIALS
Commercial Thoughts - Not shit.
When we come back, it's Young Darren and Mysterio in the ring, with Mysterio in the corner. Darren goes for a shot, Mysterio evades it and sends a multitude of kicks to the side of Young. Mysterio tags in DH Smith, who beats on Young in the corner. DH tags in to Kidd, and the two of them hit a Double Shoulderblock on Young. Kidd puts Darren into an armbar. Darren fights up and puts Kidd into the corner, and tags in Gallows, who pounds on Kidd. Gallows pulls Kidd up, and tries to launch Kidd to the outside, but Kidd stays on the apron. Kidd hits a Roundhouse Kick on the Elephant Man, before going for a springboard, but Gallows takes him to the outside with a Big Boot. Gallows swiftly throws him back in, and beats on him a bit before getting a nearfall. Gallows takes Kidd into the corner, where Young tags in, and nails Kidd with a neckbreaker, for a nearfall. Punk tags in, and hits a spinning kick to the torso of Kidd, and takes him to the mat for a 2 count. Punk nails a Backbreaker on Kidd, for another two. Punk locks Kidd into a headscissors - and the crowd IMMEDIATELY starts the clap for him. Wow, way to be patient. Kidd bridges to get a nearfall on Punk, who breaks his headscissors to slam Kidd down. Punk tags in Young, who goes for a Top Rope Legdrop, but Kidd gets out of the way. Darren tags in Punk, when Kidd tries for the hot tag, and Punk takes Mysterio to the outside, only for Kidd to hit an enziguri on Punk, before tagging in DH.
And DH like a HOUSE OF FIYAH, taking it to the SES. While DH takes Darren and Gallows off the apron, Punk goes for a rollup, DH rolls through for one of his own, that Punk kicks out of. DH tries to take Gallows off the apron again, for reasons I can't explain, but Gallows drops to the outside beforehand. Kidd suddenly teleports over to the SES apron, where he sentons himself onto Gallows. I'd say that's impressive, but Tommy Dreamer can do it..DH turns - and Punk steals Yoshi Tatsu's finisher, hitting a Roundhouse Kick to the head of DH, that gets two! Punk pulls DH up, hits a few knees, then whips DH to the corner. Punk rushes DH, only to get a Drop Toe Hold into the second turnbuckle. I assume this was done to taunt Raven into suing them again. From here, Rey-Rey hits the 619 off the turnbuckle post! Punk rebounds into DH - who nails him with the Running Powerslam, for the win!
Winners: The Hart Dynasty and Rey Mysterio
Rating: ***1/2
Very nice match, and the finish gives it an extra half-point.
TO THE BACK~! where Chris Jericho is talking to Wade Barrett. Jericho tells him he hopes that someday, he gets the oppurtunity that Jericho is getting tonight. He says that he'll be becoming World Champion for the lucky number seventh time. I have no jokes for that, so instead, have this gif.
COMMERCIALS
Commercial Thoughts - A
When we come back, NOT THOSE GUYS are in the ring, and it's apparantly Caylen Croft in a singles match tonight, against JTG. This match-up has potential, but unfortunately I have a feeling that a certain superheavyweight isn't going to let it last very long..
JTG vs. Caylen Croft
JTG and Croft circle in the ring, and lockup. AND HEY, WHAT DO YOU KNOW, OUT COMES SHAD! Caylen takes JTG down with a clothesline, and stomps him down as Shad comes down the ramp. Caylen whips JTG into the ropes, takes him down with a Shoulder Block. Caylen takes JTG down with some kind of Clothesline/Russian Legsweep combo, that gets 2. Very nice. Shad says JTG ain't nothin' without him. AIN'T NOT NOTHING BUT NOTHING. JTG tries to fight back, but Caylen cuts him off. Caylen puts JTG into a headblock, then takes him down with a Back Suplex, that gets 2. Caylen pulls JTG up - JTG gets an Inside Cradle, for two. Croft continues beating onto JTG. Caylen tries for an Irish Whip, goes for a Back Body Drop, but JTG counters it with the slide-punch, Ala Goldust. JTG then hits him with a Doubly-Spinning Neckbreaker. That was as cool as it was needless. JTG ducks a clothesline, hits the ropes for a flipping Shoulder Block. JTG takes it Caylen, and goes for the corner Facebuster, but Caylen shoves him off and nails a Running Neckbreaker, for two. Caylen whips JTG to the corner, only to get taken down with the Roll of the Dice Neckbreaker, for the victoly.
Winner:
JTG
Match Rating:
**1/3
Good little match, but JTG gets no time AT ALL to celebrate, as Shad immediately takes JTG down with a MASSIVE Lariato. Shad then tells JTG he ain't nothin' but nothing about 80 times, before whipping him to the corner and going for the Idiot Rush - only for JTG to counter with the Corner Facebuster! JTG takes it to Shad and dropkicks him to the outside! That..is not how I expected that to go, but I can dig it!
TO THE BACK~! where Edge has a conversation..with Josh Matthews? He tells him he kind of relates to Swaggert, due to the cashing in on MITB. He says that Swaggert's in a tough position - and we talk of the usual "Don't even have to be beat to lose their title" thing. Edge says that he, however, is in a good position, and the he will walk out with the title. This promo brought to you by Generics Inc.
We see a rundown of the Extreme Rules main event matches.
Jimmy Jack Swaggert's Rage Against The Machine rip-off theme hits, and out he comes with his title around his waist. I love how he lost any and all enthusiasm after he won the title. Going into WM, he was all "YEAHYEAHYEAHYEAH IM GOING TO WIN MITB, HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY", and then the moment he wins the belt, he's all "fuck my life".
THREAT x3 - Chris Jericho vs. Edge vs. World Heavyweight Champion, Jimmy Jack Swaggert (Title on the line)
We get a big-fight announcement before the match. Jericho starts off attacking Edge in the corner, Swaggert pushes Jericho away and attacks Edge instead, but Jericho with a roll-up, that Swaggert immediately gets out of - and nails Jericho with a Belly-to-Belly that looked like a Uranage Slam on impact. Edge attacks Swaggert from behind as Jericho leaves the ring. Edge whips Swaggert to a corner, but gets a knee. Swaggert chokes Edge on the ropes, before whipping him off the ropes, but Edge reverses and tosses Swaggert to the floor. As soon as Swaggert hits the ground, in comes Jericho to attack Edge, choking him onto the ropes. Jericho goes for that..running move on the ropes, that ends with him sitting on their back, but Edge gets out of the way, causing Jericho to bounc back to the mat. Edge with a few shots to Jericho, goes for an Irish Whip, Jericho reverses, and Swaggert trips Edge from the outside. Swaggert gets into the ring, as Jericho hits the Guillotine under the bottom rope. Swaggert attacks Edge, and hits another huge Belly-To-Belly on him this time. Jericho pulls Edge up, Swaggert and Jericho with a Double Irish Whip. Edge holds onto the ropes. Jericho rushes first, gets Back Body Dropped - Swaggert rushes as well, Edge pulls the top rope down, causing him to fall. Edge hits the ropes, for a Baseball Slide that takes both men down. Edge pulls Jericho up and throws him into the barricade. Edge then takes it to Swaggert for a bit before throwing him into the ring. Edge tries to follow, but Jericho cuts him off and goes up to the apron, where Swaggert attempts to suplex him into the ring. Jericho fights back, and tries to suplex Swaggert to the outside instead. Edge then comes in and trips up Jericho, take him to the floor, and hot shotting Swaggert onto the top rope. This being our lead-in to COMMERCIALS
Commercial Thoughts - OH GOD HOW I HATE COMMERCIALS INTERUPTING MATCHES
When we come back, Edge whips Swaggert into the corner, goes for a Corner Spear, but Swaggert evades it, leaving Edge to crash shoulder-first into the post. Swaggert covers, for two. Swaggert takes Edge up in an Armbar. Edge fights to his feet, and bounces off the ropes. Edge ducks two clotheslines, only to get taken down with a Backbreaker. Jericho tries to re-enter the ring, but Swaggert knocks him back off the apron, before nailing Edge with the VADAH SPLASH~! This gets a nearfall. Swaggert takes Edge to the corner and beats him into it, that ends up taking him to the outside. Swaggert follows, but Edge with a kick, rams Swaggert into the announce table, only for Jericho to dash in with a clothesline. Jericho pulls Edge into the ring, steals Orton's finisher and punts him in the ribs. Jericho takes up Edge and nails a Back Suplex, for two. Jericho puts Edge in a Chinlock. The fans start to rally, and Edge up to his feet, but Jericho cuts it off, Irish Whips Edge into the corner, goes for a Shoulder Block, but Edge evades and leaves him to crash into the corner. Swaggert grabs Edge, tries for an Oklahoma Slam, but Edge escapes out of the back, and throws Swaggert headfirst into the ribs of Jericho. Edge then goes up top, for a Flying Clothesline on both of his opponents. Edge sends shots to Swaggert and Jericho both, delivering big boots to both of them, before taking Swaggert off the apron, onto the announce table. Jericho rolls Edge up for two, then hits him with an elbow that takes him to the mat. Jericho goes for the Lionsault, Edge rolls away, Jericho lands on his feet - Edge nails the Edge-o-Matic, for two! Jericho goes to the corner, Edge tries to rush him, Jericho catches him with a boot, then goes for a Bulldog, but Edge throws him into the corner. And now, Edge stalks, as the crowd chants for the Flying Hug Of Doom, but Jericho jumps over the FHOD, and rolls him up - INTO THE WALLS OF JERICHO!
BAH GAWD, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL COUNTER! TAP, DAMN YOU, TAP!!! Edge fights to the ropes, but Jericho pulls him to the middle! Swaggert comes in - and Jericho locks him into the Walls as well! TAP, DAMN YOU, TAP!!! Swaggert sqeals on the mat, clearly the only reason he isn't tapping is because the awful pain left him paralyzed! ..not that I'm biased, or anything. But the Man of 1004 Teeth grabs Jericho, and hits him with the Edgacution, to break the Walls! Swaggert kicks Edge, goes for the Doctor Bomb, but Edge counters with a kick of his own, and a second Edgacution on Swaggert! Edge starts the stalk again, as they chant for the FHOD! Edge goes for it, but Jericho with a shoulderblock, for two! As soon as Edge kicks out, Swaggert catches Jericho with an Oklahoma Roll, for two. Jericho and Swaggert get up at the same time - and Jericho catches him with the Codebreaker!! Unfortunately for Jericho, Swaggert falls out of the ring from this. Jericho's along in the ring with Edge..and starts stalking for a FHOD of his own! Jericho bumrushes - but Edge jumps over the FHOD attempt, hits the ropes, and hits Jericho with a FHOD of his own! NO! WHY?! Edge goes for the cover, but Swaggert pulls him out of the ring, and throws him into the barricade. Swaggert then rushes in, and picks up the three, LIKE A BAWSS.
Winner:
Jimmy Jack Swaggert
Rating:
***1/2
Very well-paced and entertaining THREAT x3.
Post-match, Swaggert takes Edge into the ring, and nails him with the Doctor Bomb. As Swaggert takes him time leaving, in comes Jericho to assault Edge's injured ankle! Jericho takes Edge to the steel post, and sticks Edge's left leg between the post and the steps. Edge starts flailing in fear like the little bitch that he is - Jericho with the kick, crushing Edge's leg! Jericho smiles and backs up the ramp LIKE A BAWSS, as the show ends.
Show Rating:
***
Another good edition of SmackDown!, in my view.
The Good: Tough choice between the main event and JTG taking it to Shad - I'm a fan of JTG's, and am surprised to see them give him an even shake in this feud. But I guess I'll give it to the Triple Threat, but very well done.
The Bad:
Nothing was particularly bad about this show..even
the divas match was one of the best women's matches
I've seen in the WWE. I guess, if I had to choose
something, I'd go with Kane/McIntyre.
The Ugly:
SmackDown! doesn't really have as many stupid
booking decisions as Raw does, to choose
from..Vickie being somewhat involved in the
McCool/James match, I guess?
Jordan Huie is an incredibly sweet
and innocent 16 year old, that's American by birth,
and Southern BAH THE GRACE OF GAWD! Some people call
him Zeel1. Some people call him TheYTViewer. Some
people call him Y2Z. Some people call him
Maurrriiice~! *Wah-wow!* His typical attire is a
combo of T-Shirts with Affliction-esque designs,
leather jackets, sunglasses, and Houndstooth
Fedoras, which he enjoys wearing, even with the
knowledge that it makes him look like Jimmy Hart's
rebellous grandson. His first contact with any other
living being was of a horse with a busted leg, who's
owner shot himself, because he couldn't bare the
weight of shooting said horse. Jordan, naturally,
named the horse "Lucky", and Lucky walked through
many mountains and valleys, despite his searing
pains, to bring Jordan to his parents. His parents,
in return, immediately shot Lucky, to show their
appreciation. It is beleived that this experiance is
what makes him the teenager he is today.
TWF FLASHBACK
November 2006
SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!
With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).
POPULAR UPDATES
SATIRE: WWE's Discontinued X-Mas Products
DVD Review: End Game, Starring Kurt Angle
50+ Random Star Wars Lines You Can Use In The Middle Of Sex To Hilarious Results
CLASSIC SATIRE: ECW Goes Sci-Fi
Stephen Rivera's 4th Fall: Introduction
Broken News: U.S. Hero with Golden Trunks Becomes Homeless Man
When Wrestling Merchandise Goes Bad: WWE Finger Rings
CLASSIC SATIRE: Guess Who's HHHaving a Baby?
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TWF Entertainment: VH1's 40 Greatest Celebrity Feuds
The WWE Developmental Rookie Name Generator
Wacky TV Recapitation: Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling
BACON'S BIGTIME PPV REPORT OF NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS & SUCH.
VIDEO SATIRE: 'Til Death Do Us Part!
SATIRE: WWE Acquires the History Channel!
Sean Carless's WRESTLING WITH MANIA
CLASSIC SATIRE: RAW is STAR WARS!
