THE WRESTLING FAN SATIRE PAGE!
SEAN CARLESS' FULL PARODY ARCHIVE!
In 2003, Sean Carless had a dream. It probably involved nudity. Then he started writing and illustrating satires that soon made us the number 1 Wrestling Satire website on EARTH, the moons, and the Crab Nebula, and in turn turned TWF into the pop-culture phenomenon it is today! Or yesterday! (We need to really update this page. And we will! Soon! Probably!).
Below you'll find the cumulative TWF SATIRE directory featuring nearly seven years worth of Sean's insane parodies; from Hulk Hogan's journey from Eden to the Silverdome, bruther, to the parody--WWE KIDS--that nearly got us sued, you'll find the complete archives listed below, all posted as they originally appeared here at TWF! So sit back, take your pants off and stay awhile! Or 2/3.
SATIRE: HULKAMANIA FOREVER (12/12/03:): We all know that by judging how slowly he moves in the ring, the Stark Ravin' Hulkster is ancient, dude. But just how Ancient? We now have the answers! Apparently, Hulkamania began some 10,000 years ago, Jesus time! It's true! And we HAVE the records! From the Ten Commandments (shortened to 4 sometime in the mid-80's), to how he *really* lost his hair, to the ACTUAL first man (dude?) on the moon, History has just been re-written, bruther. Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: REJECTED WWE SHOPZONE ITEMS (01/16/04): The following Items are not available for purchase on WWE Shopzone. Go figure. From what makes Mark Henry stink a little less (in-ring performances notwithstanding), to how Bradshaw avoids disease whilst breaking the spirits of much smaller men, we have all your bases covered. Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: WWE FALL TV PREVIEW (02/13/04:) This fall, CBS Viacom will team with World Wrestling Entertainment to bring you Classic TV revisited, only this time featuring WWE personalities in starring roles, in their desperate attempt to administer some FULL NIELSEN'S! (HIYO!). The following is the scheduled line-up. Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: WWE GOES TO THE MOVIES! (03/19/04) From the people who subjected the World to "WWE Originals" comes the latest offerings from WWE Films, just in time for the Summer Blockbuster season! And by "Blockbuster" we mean the store. And by the store we mean the discount bin. And by discount bin, we probably mean the dumpster out back; because there's a better chance people will purchase fucking Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol than any of these abortions. But hey, whatever. Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: BROCK LESNAR: WRESTLING WITH FOOTBALL (05/14/04) After taking his ball and going home, Brock Lesnar has picked it up again, and fumbled it in the NFL! Kind of. Here are the latest completely true and not made up incidents The Next Big Thing has partaken in while trying to adjust to the gridiron from wrestling. Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: CHRONICLES OF WARRIOR: OPERATION WARRIOR! (06/04/04) The Amazing True ULTIMATE~! story of the fall of Saddam. In a time of need, the U.S. government knew there was only one man who could be counted on to turn the tide of the Gulf War. That man was Ultimate Warrior. And he did it all wearing only Speedoes. WARRIAH! Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: CHRONICLES OF WARRIOR: WARRIOR OF THE WORLDS! (07/16/04): Amidst a full blown Extra-Terrestrial Invasion, there was only ONE man to be counted on to dispose of Aliens. Usually, they're just Mexicans, but hey whatever. You take what you can get. Here is the never before heard (in English, and not, umm, Warrior) tale of how THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR saved the whole of humanity by waging inter-galactic war on a non-human plague! (not Hulkamania). Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: TV PREVIEW: HOGAN KNOWS BEST! (04/24/05) Hulk Hogan is returning to Network TV, bruther, with his very own Reality TV show. And we have the *FIRST* look at what's in store for us, dudes. Ep. 1-5 are detailed. No obese Non-Americans were harmed in the making of this Series. Yet. Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: THE WRESTLING FAN.COM SHOPZONE: (05/07/05) Over the last 3 years, I have created wrestling related products SO tasteless, that they could only be found right HERE at The Wrestling Fan.com! And maybe Hell. It replaces sulfur and burning on Wednesdays. Here is the full collection on ONE page. Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: RAW IS STARWARS! (05/13/05) Now that George Lucas seemingly has A LOT of time on his hands, (when he's not counting his money), I take a look at what WWE might be like, if the show was written by Mr. Star Wars himself. Click here to read RAW IS STAR WARS! Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: ULTIMATE WARRIOR 4 PRESIDENT! (07/30/05) In this edition, Sean Carless takes a ridiculous look at a potential 2008 Presidential bid for the Ultimate Warrior with: ULTIMATE WARRIOR FOR PRESIDENT! Just how would the Warrior-man handle the "tough" issues like immigration, the war on terror, and abortion? Press Slams? Probably. It always seemed to work for everything else. Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: H 2.0: GUESS WHHHO's HHHHAVING A BABY! (01/18/06) A ridiculous look at the peaks and valleys of the Helmsley's first child. What's in store for Triple H and Steph over the next nine months; and how will HHH react when someone is yelling "push!" and it isn't directed at him? It's all here! From copulation to birth and beyond, I've clearly gone too far. Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: LIFE AFTER WRESTLING: JOBS AFTER DOING JOBS!: (02/11/06). Just what does a wrestler do when he doesn't wrestle anymore? Sean explores this and more in perhaps his most ridiculous Satire ever! From Lita being the perfect host! (for diseases?) to Jake Roberts DDTing mortality, Ric Flair putting his "Road Rage" to good use, and Goldberg "jack-hammering" for Jehovah, it's all here and more! Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: WWE STRAIGHT TO DVD RELEASES! (03/15/06) In this satire, Sean looks at possible future movie vehicles for various WWE stars, and what may be on the horizon for WWE cough*XFL*cough Films. Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: THE DREAM MATCH: SHAWN MICHAELS VS. JESUS!: (05/04/06) Just when you thought WWE couldn't sink any lower with the HBK/God storyline, Sean Carless chimes in with the MONEY match we REALLY want to see: "THE DREAM MATCH: Shawn Michaels Vs. Jesus!" Just how would the resilient HBK fare against the even more resilient King of Kings (the non-Lemmy bearded variety) in a thrilling catch as catch can (and not fish) tête - à - tête? And what kind of offense could we expect out of the Savior? Sean breaks it all down and probably guarantees eternal damnation, all for you reading pleasure! Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: ECW GOES SCI-FI! (05/31/06) With the announcement that ECW is set to debut on the Sc-Fi channel, speculation abounded as to what Vince had in mind when he claimed that ECW would *appeal* to Sci-Fi fans. With that said, join Sean as he takes a ridiculous look at potential science-fiction inspired gimmicks for ECW stars and the possible new faces that will join the fold! Sabu leaps from the top rope and through time! RVD hunts down the future leader of the human resistance with potatoes! Tazz calls the action in a 6 inch tall plastic space suit! It's all here! No Trekkies were harmed in the making of this satire. Except one. But he was morbidly overweight anyway, so it was probably just natural causes. Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!: (11/20/06) With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views this year) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.). Click HERE to read Sean's ridiculous Shopzone spoof!
VIDEO SATIRE: WWE's 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS! (12/15/06) WWE took so much from us this year (mainly our money, but hey, what's rent and food compared to the hilarious boyish antics of DX~!), so it's only fair we take a look at what they actually GAVE us. In any event, this is TWF's first ever full video Satire, so Click here to watch as Sean butchers a Christmas classic, TWF-style. (and does it all ass-backwards in honor of the WWE.). Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: WWE ACQUIRES THE HISTORY CHANNEL: (01/19/07) For years, people have asked, "What would happen if Vince McMahon could dictate recorded world history?" OK, no one ever said that. But it doesn't mean that we can't pretend, right? Join Sean Carless as he looks at how Vince McMahon would spin history if it were indeed for sale. From Bryan Clarke ending World conflicts to Triple H conquering most of Europe with thunderous pedigrees, to Divas being burned at the stake, Sean has all your bases covered and then some. Click HERE to read!
WWE.COM PARODY: LIVE FROM THE PUNJAB! (07/25/07) If one thing is abundantly clear, it's that WWE.com has some of the best writers never, hence the following parody of a WWE.com article on The Great Khali. While it was already horribly subtly racist, I decided "why be even that subtle?" and replaced several key words in the piece to make it even worse. This was the result. Click HERE to read!
WWE.COM PARODY: LINDA MCMAHON GOES BERSERK! (08/10/07) Sean Carless returns with BREAKING NEWZ out of Stamford! Linda McMahon has gone HAYWIRE and murdered several WWE superstars! Click HERE for all the details on this incredibly fake and untrue story!
SATIRE: TWF HELL (08/30/07) Where stupid and completely tasteless ideas go when they die! Join Sean as he takes you through some previous discarded ideas for satires and parodies that often bring new meaning to the term "inappropriate". But be warned, most content contained within is Not Work Safe so enter at your own discretion! (Page also contains many .gif animations, so dial-up beware!). Click HERE to go to Hell!
SATIRE: THE NIGHT BEFORE CHHHRISTMAS!: (12/24/07) A Special Christmas Gift on Christmas Eve, From Me To You, To HHH to the 4 consecutive tag teams pinned under his heaving body. Click HERE To Read!
WWE.COM PARODY: WWE CELEBRATES BLACK HISTORY MONTH!: (02/02/08) The following section on WWE.com was just created. And well, Wow. So with WWE obviously not seeing that a few of these stereotyped characters aren't exactly something that should be celebrated, I just had to parody it, right? RIGHT? (This is the part where you agree with me). Click HERE to read!
VIDEO SATIRE: THE HAUNTING 2: OWEN A LIVING! (02/09/08) News outlets have picked up the story that OWEN HART is apparently haunting Kemper Arena, so I just *had* to hammer bad taste home and create a truly absurd parody, right? Right? (This is the part where you agree with me.). The following is a VIDEO PARODY, but reads like a standard TWF satire. It's done so in video format to allow for the truly huge animation files contained within, and for music. Click HERE to watch/read~!
WWE.COM PARODY: "WWE TAGLINE POLL" (02/21/08) That's right, I've added several new submissions of my own to our parody of WWE's actual (really terrible) tagline survey, in addition to adding my *personal favorite* reader submissions, as well. Click HERE to see and contribute to the "poll"!
SATIRE: TNA STRAIGHT TO DVD RENTALS~!: (03/21/08) Because, WWE isn't the only company capable of producing completely shitty movies starring wrestlers! From Jay Lethal breaking the spirit of women by keeping them locked away (Hey, just like the real Randy Savage!) to Curry Man on a murderous rampage throughout South Texas, I have all your bases covered and more! Click HERE to read!
SATIRE: WWE KIDS PREVIEW! (04/25/08) WWE has a brand new business model: Market exclusively towards children! And they've even started a new website in an effort to hook new pre-teen viewers! This is TWF's interpretation of that Website! From Jerry Lawler's illegal Diva Search to Story-time with Kane to John Cena teaching your children how to shit and then create comedy from the waste, it's all covered here and more! Click HERE to read!