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Wrestling Ringside Roundtable
for March 2005
WRESTLEMANIA EDITION
Featuring the staff of The Wrestling Fan.com!

1) Give Your WrestleMania Predictions:

 

Harry Simon: HHH over Batista. He’ll pull a Hunter. It’s too difficult for him NOT to. “It’s not Dave’s time, yet. Isn't that right, honey?”

Cena over JBL. Then they’ll give up on Cena by June and return to JBL as the new Smackdown “fallback” champ.

UT over Orton. This is by far the most interesting political match on the lineup. UT is smarter and more subtle than HHH, but he can play politics like a master. Remember the double-DQ with Brock a couple years ago? The question here is, what’s more important to the Deadman? Retaining the streak, or selling it for a large payday? Given the company’s history when it comes to old guy vs. young guy matches, my head is moving in four directions at once when I both give the nod to UT, then shake my head in disgust.

HBK over Angle. This is a tricky one. You know they’re gonna split the two interpromotional matches and since I expect UT to beat RKO, I’m betting on Shawn to beat Kurt. To tell you the truth, I couldn’t care less who wins this match, I just wanna see a classic, and in all seriousness, I have every confidence that they’ll deliver.

Kane wins the ladder match, then when he opens the briefcase, what does he find? HIS UNBORN DEAD FETUS CHILD!! SNITSKY STRIKES AGAIN!!!!

Eddie over Rey, thanks to cheating. They’re hitting the “Rey’s got Eddie’s number” way too hard for there to be any other outcome.

Show over Akebono just to piss me off. I elaborate on this over in my
WM21 Precap.

London over Chavito to win the CW Title. Match will be way too short.

Stratus over Hemme to retain the Women’s Title. Hemme’s 15 minutes are already up, so the greatest Women’s champion ever keeps her gold.

 

Michael Melchor: World Title: HHH vs. Batista

This one is practically a given at this point with a breakout star and an incumbent Champion tat people want to see lose. I've never been one to jump on the "HHH = Politician" bandwagon, but if Triple H escapes WrestleMania with his belt intact, then the man should run for office.

WWE Title: JBL vs. Cena

 See above in re: Batista and Triple-H. Making Cena Champ should have been done a lot earlier to resuscitate the dying beast known as SmackDown, but better late than never.

HBK vs. Angle

 Who's going to win? WHO GIVES A FUCK?? This, more than anything else on the card, is why I want to see WrestleMania 21.

Granted, had this been 5 years ago, this would have been an instant classic. However, both men have been slowed by injuries and age, so the pace will probably be a little slower. Even with that said, this is one last true "Dream Matches" left to see, and it should still be an awesome one.

Oh yeah, a winner. Looking at it in a long-term planning aspect, I say Kurt goes over to start building momentum for challenging Cena (which you KNOW is coming).

UT vs. Orton

After Randy hit the RKO on Stacy just to make a point that he'll do anything to win, we know Randy is dead (heh) serious about winning this match and ending the Undertaker's streak. I still don't think he will, though, because losing and going on a subsequent rampage is a much better way to turn Randy heel again.

6-way ladder match

 Picking a straight winner is kinda tough to do, so let's get rid of those we know won't win first...

Christian: No fucking way. Not the way they portray him as such a loser.

Kane: I doubt it. Not with 5 other guys more agile and at least 4 that know how to wield a ladder better then he does.

Jericho: Naah. Not with 8 months left on his contract and a stated desire to focus more on family and his band after accomplishing everything there is to do.

Benjamin: Nuuuuuuope. He's already the Intercontinental Champion, and that' s where the focus with him will stay for a little while longer.

Edge: Uh-uh. He's too busy whining on-screen and banging some dude's girlfriend off-screen to get involved in the World Title.

...which leaves Benoit your winner by process of elimination. And a Benoit/Batista match for the Title would be pretty damned good.

Eddie vs. Rey

 Either way this goes down, I'm expecting an aerial clinic. Not of the "OMG960DEGREETWISTINGSENTON3/4FIREBIRDSHOOTINGSTARDIVEFIVESTARS!!!!!!!!" variety, but one with a little more psychology and substance. After all is said and done, though, they do say that Eddie lies, cheats, and steals for a reason. Rey may kno0w that well, but I'd expect Eddie to pull a whole new trick out of his bag for the big show.

Show vs. Akebono

 There's a fascination to this match from the aspect of Japanese culture and if the Grand Champion can actually lose to the World's Largest Athlete. My guess is no; Akebono IS "Grand Champion" after all...

CW Title: Chavito vs. London

 Ah, the match with the least buildup (save for Eddie & Rey). Even with that, i can see this is another instance of "sending the fans home happy" and giving London the duke after a horrific time with Kidman and people wanting to see Chavo get his comeuppance.

Women's Title: Stratus vs. Hemme

 I wasn't aware that a run with the Women's Title was a part of The Prospective Divas Search. Nonetheless, you know it's coming because it'll be another "feel-good" story - bimbette with no physical talent (other than what's seen in Playboy learns how to wrestle from the hated Champ's rival and takes the belt off of the mean bitch.

 

Doctor Gonzo: World Title: HHH vs. Batista - Batista is taking this hands down. But look out for both to protect each other. This is probably the only match on the card where both guys could tear their quads, pecs, biceps, and hamstrings all while walking to the ring.

WWE Title: JBL vs. Cena - Cena, no doubt. Although I enjoy JBL, his time is over and a Cena loss could kill his momentum. Cena cannot carry the company in the ring though, and his gimmick will get stale, causing a heel turn eventually, and I am okay with that.

HBK vs. Angle - Angle better go over here, or I am going to be damn pissed. The Heart Broke Joke can still bring it, but he does not deserve to go over here. Especially since when Angle was starting to bald he shaved his head, yet Shawn will not take a god-damned hint. Look at his head, he has got an island going, except he has long hair. Cut it hippie.

UT vs. Orton - Definitely an Orton victory here. Taker does not need to win this again, as he will probably just squash Orton like he did Cena. This would be a great way to get Orton off to a great start with his new heel turn. The angle buildup has been subtle, but I like it.

6-way ladder match - Damn, this could go any which way, but I will go with Christian. Look for Kane to take a bump, rest for 10 minutes, come in and destroy everyone, take another bump, rest for 10 minutes and lose the match. What a loser. Eddie vs. Rey - This is a tough one, but I think Eddie should win this, but neither guy really NEEDS the win. They are both stagnant. I think Rey winning could lead into a good Eddie heel run and possibly title run as well. I'll go with a Rey victory.

Show vs. Akebono - LOSERS: Anorexics WINNERS: Hometown Buffet

CW Title: Chavito vs. London - Paul London will take this out and have a solid run after busting his ass for the company over the past year, always taking the sick bump (remember Royal Rumble).

Women's Title: Stratus vs. Hemme - My penis wins this one

 

Richard Waters:World Title: HHH vs. Batista - The main-event is laughable this year. The fact is I don't want either of them to win the match. Seeing Hulk Hogan bury both Bret and Yoko at Mania 9 is a joke, but I'd much rather see somebody else come and do a 10-second sqaush to the winner. Preferably Jericho. But yeah that'll never eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeever happen. My pick is for HHH, just to prevent another Orton face turn.

WWE Title: JBL vs. Cena - To me this match has more promise then the supposed main-event. This event I actually care about the winner. I've been no stranger to my Cena bandwagon. I obviously pick the Doctor of Thugonomics for this one. It won't be a 30-min technical classic, but neither will Dave. And unlike the big man, we have seen Cena work beyond 5-mins. Neither man is one to carry a lesser opponent, but I think the emotion behind the match is good enough. It worked for Hogan.

HBK vs. Angle - Some call this a dream match, and although the booking is excellent, I wanted HBK/Rock a lot more. Eh. I'm really hoping this (considering it could be Kurt's last) turns out to be an absolute classic. I never saw the Steamboat/Savage match, but I hope it blows it away. It doesn't matter who wins imo. Considering WWE works with even steven booking, Angle wins this due to the next match...

UT vs. Orton - I'm the IWC's version of John Kerry, resident flip flopper. I like Orton again. Thanks to his RKO on Stacy. Taker's streak needs to end to make someone a star. It has to be Randy Orton. See some say it should end, but not with RKO. Have you seen Taker lately? He's in no shape to make it to another Mania if you ask me. Both phyiscally and for sucking character wise. I don't care how Orton wins (sans a screwjob type deal), whether it be 3 RKOs, weapon use, etc. as long as it's not a run-in like when Taker "put over" Cena.

6-way ladder match - Some call this this year's version of the CW Open, but I like the concept. Each man (cept Kane) has a case to win and with Shelton's high flying (he's the WWE's AJ fucking Styles babay!) skills showing, I think this could be a great one. Hopefully it gets a good length. Less then 20-mins in unexceptable, and considering they're strapped for time... why not? I pick Edge because he's the only "credible heel."

Eddie vs. Rey - Halloween Havoc = not is what everyone says. Some of us have never seen that match. Probably because WCW sucked. I think this could be a wonderful bout if given a decent amount of time. Neither guy will work heel (Rey for sucking and Eddie for being some super dude) so this HAS to be a pure friendship bout. I pick Rey because it's obvious they are trying to push him higher into the card. Eddie does not need this win anyway. Please make this a good match guys. Rey if you disappoint, you will NEVER EVER hear the end of it. Mark my words. You know, until it gets old...

Show vs. Akebono - No. Just. No. Whoever wins, we all lose.

CW Title: Chavito vs. London - Word on the street says Chavo is injured. Tough break for London. For the sake of time and some common decency, I hope we get some CW actions on the card. I don't care what type, as long as we see that 450. It's beautiful!

Women's Title: Stratus vs. Hemme -

I wanna ride a Hemme. Nuff said. But a Dodge Stratus would be nice too. Opposite of Show/Bono. Heh bono.

 

Renee:Trip vs. Batista – Winner- Batista only because it would keep it interesting for a minute, but I’m sure at some point Trip will get it back.

JBL vs. Cena – Winner – Cena, it’s just time really, and I don’t think they need to drag JBL’s reign out any longer.

HBK vs. Angle – Winner – Angle; for some reason I think something is going to happen in this one to screw the Show Stoppa’s victory.

Taker vs. Orton – Winner – Orton; I can’t wait for this man to be let loose and be the awesome asshole we’ve all been waiting for.

6 Way Ladder Match – Winner – Edge; because it just makes sense to me.

Eddie vs. Rey – Winner – Eddie by cheating

Show vs. Akebono – Winner – Akebono. I don’t understand this match nor do I have an interest in it, but if I have to pick one I’d have to pick the sumo pro, it’s hard to beat a man at his own game.

Chavito vs. London – Winner – Chavo, by cheating so there’s something to watch on Smackdown later in the week.

Trish vs. Christy – Winner – Trish, because I don’t see Trish being that much of a sport and dropping her title to Christy without earning it in the ring yet. Though, dumber things have happened.

 

Payne Mcleod:World Title: HHH vs. Batista - Batista should take this one. If not, prepare for a riot.

WWE Title: JBL vs. Cena - Cena has been set up as a power player for a while now. Even when he was a heel, we were calling for him to take the title. Personally, I don't think he is ready, but, I believe he will take it.

HBK vs. Angle - This is probably the only match I am really looking forward to, though I believe it will be a great letdown. I am calling for the self-proclaimed Mr. WrestleMania to win it.

UT vs. Orton - UNDERTAKER! 'Nuff said? No? Well, I will continue momentarily.

6-way ladder match - This one is going to either Edge or Benoit, as they are the only ones to have legitimate claims to the title already. I think this is just a filler for the "main eventers" and to have a gimmick match on the card.

Eddie vs. Rey - I would say this would be exciting, but we have seen it 3 times already. Look for Eddie to get the duke.

Show vs. Akebono - Ugh. A true waste of my time. With the way they have been treating Show as of late (i.e. Big fucking jobber) Akebono will take this. Just to piss me off.

CW Title: Chavito vs. London - London is an AMAZING worker, and the crowd loves him. So he will lose.

Women's Title: Stratus vs. Hemme - I don't know what to say. I hope Trish wins.

 

Cameron Burge: World Title: HHH vs. Batista - Batista will go down in a blaze of glory when Triple H reveals the new member of Evolution as being either Chris Masters or Gene Snitsky for the screw finish. The only other viable option I foresee is Batista winning the title only to drop it at Backlash in Hunter’s home town so Triple H can rack up another cheap title reign. Just a few more to go Hunter!

WWE Title: JBL vs. Cena - Cena will take this one easy. The fans are behind him one hundred percent (Smarks don't count, and I met a seven year old girl the other day who said she wanted Cena to win). This will also mark the beginning of the end for the JBL character completely as it becomes rather useless without a title to center it around. Cena needs the win bad, or he'll die out thus effectively killing off one of the few legit new stars WWE has.

HBK vs. Angle - In my opinion this should be a Bible on a pole match, but I think Angle will win when Marty Jannetty appears for the screw finish and betrays HBK. This will probably lead to a feud between HBK and Janetty on Raw while Angle goes on to face Cena at Backlash.

UT vs. Orton - Orton will probably lose due to his shoulder problems which turned out to be the real reason he was pulled from the Raw house shows, which we originally thought to be meaning a Smackdown switch for Randy. The only way Undertaker will lose is if he plans on returning this year and wants to put someone over on his way out. Thirteen is a good number to end a streak on though.

6-way ladder match - Shelton Benjamin. The kid won’t be suing his shot for a while though. And I predict that when he does, he’ll no longer be bogged down by his IC strap and it will be a shot against Triple H.

Eddie vs. Rey - I pick Mysterio to win when he turns the tables on Eddie’s lying cheating and stealing. This will probably lead into a breakup a la The Giant/Sting in WCW where both men find new partners and feud over the belts.

Show vs. Akebono - I’m not really sure where they are going with this. It’s quite possible that Big Show will lose this one, but I’m going to pick him anyway for the sole fact us Wichitans have to stick together.

CW Title: Chavito vs. London - As I’m pretty sure this is going to be the pre-show match, I’m going to go with Chavo on this one. He’s still extremely over right now IMO and London just doesn’t have any charisma to go with his impressive in ring ability. If this does make the actual PPV then London stands a much better chance for the title switch.

Women’s Title: Stratus vs. Hemme - As much as I don’t give a crap I have to say that all signs point to Christy. Trish has had the most useless title reign of all time since the roster was cut in half, and if they don’t bring in some Diva wrestlers soon the belt will die out again anyway. It’s possible that Lita could be healed up in time, but how much action does she really bring to the ring anyway(as opposed to the action she brings to Edge)?

 

James Walker:World Title: HHH vs. Batista –

First, let me say, I’m thankful the WWE made this the match, rather than Orton/HHH. However, that said, it’s a pity that THIS is the main event. Now.. HHH is the most over heel in the company. Batista’s turn has centered around Triple H completely, so it makes sense to have them meet. However, I simply think the Wrestlemania 21 main event is not the place to do it. I like Dave, but we CANNOT have a shitty main event. I’m sure Vince & Co. know this, and I have a feeling it’ll be planned to a tee, Hogan/Warrior style. Anyways, the match itself, I have to pick Batista. This seems odd, for Batista has had the advantage since.. well… The Benoit-Raw. I’m just going on gut here. To me, this is Brock VS Angle, minus the awesomeness. Brock had all the momentum in the world, and by god, he won. No different here.

WWE Title: JBL vs. Cena –

I like this feud. Cena is as over as they get nowadays in wrestling, and JBL has proven to be good in his heel role. The ring work, well, meh. As for the actual predicition, I’m gonna go out on a limb and say Bradshaw retains by ever-devious means. This will only serve to continue the feud, where Cena finally gets the belt, and the memory of Bradshaw is all but erased from out minds. The only reason I’m saying this, is for it will not be the main event title match… and look at Wrestlemania history since the Brand Split. The non-main event Title match is *always* defended. HHH/Booker T, all over again.

HBK vs. Angle -

I can’t wait for this one. Angle and HBK step it up a notch on PPVs, and another notch on Wrestlemania. This will be the match of the night, for sure. As for a victor… it’s a tough call. I’m going to go with Michaels, just because Angle seems to be getting the better of him, but it’s a very leary call. Jannetty could turn on HBK, which I feel would not only be too obvious now that he’s signed, but would ruin the match too.


UT vs. Orton -

Oy. This one is a dilemma. I hate Orton, and Taker. I think the both deserve to lose. However, they won’t No Contest this one. I was all about Orton winning this, until I read the news that after WM, Orton will be getting time off to heal his shoulder. That.. throws a kink into this one. What I’m predicting now, is an undertaker win, which infuriates Orton so much, he goes to Smackdown, and eventually beats Taker.


6-way ladder match –

Clusterfuck matches gives rise to process of elimination. Benoit won’t win, he has too much momentum, and he’s already had the belt. Jericho won’t win because he’s Jericho. Christian is a life time upper mid carder, as much as it pains me to say it. Shelton has the IC title, and still has a bit to go before he’s taken seriously, despite the HHH wins. So.. Kane VS Edge. While, for some reason, I like the Big Red Machine and wouldn’t mind seeing him hold the gold, I have to go with Edge. His whole character is that of being possessed with the World title, and a loss here would just get redundant.. he’d feud with the winner after he got “screwed”. Edge wins here, and sees his future flash before his eyes.

Eddie vs. Rey -

It’ll be solid, for sure. The in ring work will be one of the better ones this night, but I doubt the crowd will be as hot for this as say, HBK/Angle. That said, I don’t know where they’re going with this. I know there are plans to push Rey post Wrestlemania, and since Eddie is buddies with the little gremlin, I’m giving Mysterio the nod here, just because a win for him here against a bonafied main eventer would do more for his career than Eddie’s.

 

Show vs. Akebono -

’m not sure if this’ll be a work or a shoot… are we seeing Butterbean VS Bart Gunn, 2K5? Hell if I know/care. Anyways.. umm.. Show wins. Cause he works for the company. And he bought me a pizza to say that.


CW Title: Chavito vs. London -

Chavo’s win seems only to serve the purpose to drop the belt to a face. That man, my friends, is Paul London. The feud has been less than … noticeable… but the ring work in this one should be excellent, barring they get at least 12 minutes. Sorry Chavo, but… your career blows.


Women’s Title: Stratus vs. Hemme -

After all the hype, and all the segments, pictorials, and interviews, the Cinderella story of Christy Hemme will turn sour, as Trish beats her, cleanly. Not to say it won’t have near falls, but, I just don’t see how Christy would get the belt here. The feud is already generating Playboy advertisement, and she won’t need it after Wrestlemania. Trish wins, also because she’s awesome.

 

Canadian Bacon: For my kinda super awesome predictions click here!

 

Sean Carless: World Title: HHH vs. Batista –

I wanted to go right into a joke here, but to be honest this particular match is really serious to me. As Harry mentioned above, Trips has a history of pulling power-plays at the last minute and justifying those decisions with some asinine  convoluted explanation (see, WM X9 and Summer Slam 2003…an event that no rational man could justify HHH winning) so it’ll be interesting to see which HHH shows up at Wrestlemania: “WM 19 HHH?” who if he goes over, it will DESTROY Batista’s momentum completely… or the selfless Game of last year who couldn’t have put over Benoit any stronger than he did. 

The bottom line is this: Batista is getting HUGE pops, the storyline has been well built, and fans in arenas and online are eating up Dave with the same ferocity in which Stephanie tackles a plate of pancakes. Strike while the Iron is hot motherfuckers. Pass that torch, Triple H… don’t light Big Dave’s ass on fire with it.

WWE Title: JBL vs. Cena – And here we have the heartbreaker. You see, WWE’s ridiculous logic will be that we’ll need a SWERVE, and that having TWO title changes will dillute the impact of the Title changes themselves. Horse-shit.  JBL, although entertaining, has ran its course. It’s Cena’s time here, and JBL should go in, tease a few false finishes, try to walk out, but eventually get planted in the middle and cleanly pinned, 1,2,3. Wrestlemania is supposed to be the Season Finale for the WWE, and let’s face it, “The JBL show” is getting a little monotonous.

Unfortunately though, my pet theory has always been that Vince sees the JBL character as HIMSELF, and thus this is why even though ratings and buyrates are plummeting faster than Owen from the rafters (Sean, you cad!...Ah, leave me alone, it’s been 6 years…) he keeps sticking with Bradshaw on top. So, with that said, I have a feeling this will be Batista’s night (depending on which match goes on last) so on this particular evening, the members of the “chain gang” will be left empty handed (bar the ridiculously gay inflatable “Word-Life” knuckles clung to their fat fingers.)

HBK vs. Angle –
For most people this is the match they’re most looking forward to, and I don’t blame them. This is what Wrestlemania is all about; from the return of the newly born-again Marty Jannetty (Martyr Jannetty?) to the reemergence of the magnificent rack of Sensational Sherri, we couldn’t ask for a better build with this one.

Now, thinking of it logically, I suppose the argument should be made that HBK should prevail because unlike Kurt, HBK seems to have a lot more years ahead of him in the ring (and who’d think we’d ever say that?) but I just don’t know. I’m leaning towards Angle here, just because he more or less represents THIS era as opposed to HBK, who represents the 90’s. Now, regardless, Kurt needs to accept Jesus into his heart, because if JC can reform Marty from slipping GHB into young girls drinks, and allow Shawn to permanently re-attach his smile, surely he can do wonders for a “broken freakin’ neck”….

 UT vs. Orton – Hmmm, here we have a battle between two men, one of which who has seen his share of shit matches this year…to another who has given his share of shit in people’s duffle bags….   I’m of course talking about the Legend Killer Randy Orton and The Undertaker. I’ll go into my reasons a little later, but all things considered, I still think Undertaker should take this one.  In a side note though, at least Randy revealed to us the most creative way to break up with a woman I’ve ever seen. Love hurts. But the RKO hurts more.

6-way ladder match – You’ll notice that just above the brief case hanging from the ceiling, is the giant thumb of Triple H. You know the one he’s used to hold these guys down?...

Anyway, this match should at least be “spotacular” and it has enough good workers in it to make it entertaining. The wild card in this thing is Kane of course, but as he proved in the last TLC match back on RAW in 2002, he at least can throw a good shit kicking in this environment.

My official pick is Edge. Some people think Edge should be punished for the Lita fiasco, but hey, this is the same company that gave JBL the World Title… after a HUGE media faux pas., so I don’t think there’s any issue here at all.  And if it is, I think he should just break out the old Costanza excuse: “Was that wrong? Should I have not done that? I tell you I gotta plead ingnorance on this thing…”

All kidding aside, who else but Edge? His character is the one at this point best suited for a World Title program.

Eddie vs. Rey – Will we see the emergence of the real Eddie? You know, the stealing, the cheating, the lying….on the floor passed out, drunk. I kid. Of course I mean “Heel” Eddie, as has been predicted for the last several months. I’m not sure, though. Good luck turning Eddie heel in Los Angeles. Hell, he could give that Terry Schiavo a frog splash at this point and no one would boo him.

Anyway, a GREAT twist would be if Rey-Rey TURNED on him. No one would see it coming. Think Tatanka/ Lex Luger in 1994…only with guys people actually give a fuck about.

Winner: Rey due to SHENANIGANS.

Show vs. Akebono –
Despite what you may have heard, the Sumo Grand Champion was NEVER married to Cher. (edit: What the fuck! BACON(?!) beat me to this joke?! Forget it! Forget the whole thing!)

Anyway, hopefully this can live up to the lofty standards set about by Yokozuna and Earthquake in 1994….  But seriously, you thought a REAL sumo match was plodding and uninteresting? I can’t wait for the WORKED version of that.

Winner: Not my eyes, that’s for sure. With Big Show’s bald head, and him wearing a diaper, he’s seriously gonna resemble one disturbingly Humongous baby. Man, Snitsky just has to get involved in this thing!

CW Title: Chavito vs. London –
Well, I guess we can scrap this one. Probably for the best though. Let’s face it, those Hollywood types wouldn’t be too kind to Paul considering his tastes in jackets. We’d probably end up hearing the sad news that Pam Anderson and other members of PETA savagely murdered Paul, but not before ruining his coat with red paint. Fur is dead!

Women’s Title: Stratus vs. Hemme –
I predict my hand will be doing the job here. Maybe twice. Let’s just call it 2/3 falls to be safe.

All kidding aside, Trish will at least make this thing interesting, but in all honesty, is Lita really the one to teach Christy the basics? You know, like being able to finish a match without completely obliterating yourself. That, and Lita might not exactly be the best role model if Christy’s goal is to disprove Trish’s slut accusations. Just saying...

2) Elaborate on your UT-RKO prediction. Should UT’s streak end this year?

Harry Simon: No. If for no other reason than the fact that young Randall’s recent backstage shenanigans should not be rewarded (don’t ask). Besides, from a money standpoint, putting UT’s streak on the line is a serious draw. It’s a hell of a lot more prestigious than any championship, that’s for damn sure.

 

Michael Melchor: Is this question posed from a timeframe standpoint or a "quality of opposition" aspect? In both cases, the answer is "No". Undertaker has at least one more WrestleMania left in him, and that would be a better time to end his streak. Besides, Randy's not the guy to do it for - at least not now. What I think would be neat is a rematch at WrestleMania 22 where Randy then ends the streak...

 

Doctor Gonzo: If this were Face Orton, I would have voted for a Taker squashing, and you know how much that must mean I hate Face Orton, because I hate UT with a vengeance. I wish I could have gotten tickets so I could have revealed myself as Sara's stalker, bone Stacy Kiebler and then pin Triple H in the main event. Damn you Ticketmaster of robbing me of my dream!! Other than that disappointment, heel Orton is the best thing for this company. He is exactly what the Rock was early in his heel career except lacking in charisma. This would be a great way to get Orton's heel character over with a bang. Heel Orton as champ would have worked damn well.

 

Richard Waters:Yes. If Taker really cared about the business he will lay down for Orton. Since he's going to SD! a job and a return job at Summerslam is not good enough. Taker is NOT undefeated at Summerslam. 12-1!

 

Renee:I believe Taker’s streak has to end eventually and Orton would be the perfect person to de-throne the undefeated Dark Lord. I think it’s totally non-threatening to Taker’s image and strength. Along with the fact that Taker hasn’t lost a match since Kane “buried him alive” (I don’t count the one were he lost by count out due to my Luther’s overzealousness).

 

Payne Mcleod:Should UT's streak end this year? HELL NO BITCH!. If you have been reading ANY of my columns lately (if they have been posted) there is no way that Orton is big enough to take this legacy away. And, if they do, they will kill Undertaker's character. Orton will still suck, though.

 

Cameron Burge: This is a tough one. I’m going to say yes. Because if Taker wants the record then he should end it at some point in time, and what better way to end it that to make a star on the way? Most people are just angry about this because it’s Randy Orton, but I like The Legend Killer shtick and if they are going to revitalize it, then it needs a big shot like this to get going full speed again.

 

James Walker:It should, but it won’t. The thing I hate about Taker’s win streak, is how shitty the matches are. The best one would be Triple H/Taker at X-7. Flair/Taker was good too, but only for the near fall after the Double A spinebuster. Now, I doubt this match will change that trend. I don’t see how taker or Orton’s styles will mesh here. Anyways, I’ve digressed. The Taker streak is cool, but it’s rather useless if you think about it. If Orton had stayed heel the entire time, I’d want Orton to win. But he was a horrible face, and while I feel he’d gain some serious heat for beating Taker, I feel there’s more money in Orton losing, then moving to Smackdown to have a long winded feud with the Deadman.

Canadian Bacon: Undertaker streaks? If this is true then yes it should definitely end!!! A guy that big with that many tattoos shouldn’t be running naked this I can assure you!

 

Sean Carless: I went into some painful detail in the Forum on why I thought Taker should win at Mania, so to bottom-line that here it goes: The WM streak is Taker’s legacy. The same way the 16 Titles are Ric Flair’s (well until someone-uh breaks-uh that-uh record-uh.)

Let’s throw the Deadman a bone here, he deserves it. And sorry Randy, that’s just the way the cookie (or shit in a gym bag) crumbles.

 

3) Speaking of UT, at one point, one match was originally supposed to be UT & Kane vs. Heidenreich & Snitsky. Would you have preferred that, or are you relieved that they made other plans for the WWE’s version of the Super Mario Brothers?

Harry Simon: Actually, I would have preferred the tag match. That way, all the shit is in one match. Weigh that against something like this…

UT vs. Eddie Guerrero
Kane vs. Christian
Heidy vs. Kurt Angle
Snits vs. Chris Benoit

See? It would have been one bad match instead of four.

 

Michael Melchor: I have to say that I'm Glad the "Super Mario Brothers" have better plans than taking on the "Sons Of Sam". If for no other reason, the results of a Undertaker/Kane vs. Snitsky/Heidenreich match, in addition to being an abortion (no pun intended, I promise) in and of itself, would have been a foregone conclusion. Hence, the excitement is gone. Now, instead, you have Undertaker having his winning streak challenged as well as Kane possibly going for the World Title. These may be two more foregone conclusions, but it's a lot better than the alternative.

 

 

Doctor Gonzo: I am very disappointed in the lack of "big men bathroom break" matches this year. What else am I going to mock? Seriously though, I am pissed that they have Kane in that ladder match because all he ever does in them is whoop someone's ass, get hit with a chair, come back whoop some more ass, get hit with a ladder, lay down for 15 minutes and then win the match. Even still, this is a much better choice than the original "abortion" that was planned. Speaking of abortion's, when Snitzky killed Lita's baby, was it Matt's or Edge's? Intrigue I say!

 

 

Richard Waters:I hate inconsistency. Why is it Chavo is all talking to Eddie. Didn't they have a freaking blood feud early last year? I hate Kane anyways. I hate his face. I hate his shirtless body. If he wasn't in the ladder match, Mania would be pretty good. I hope he dies. Oh wait he can't die. Damn. I wish the Mario Bros. would kill Kane. What was the question?

 

 

Renee:Personally I would have paid good money to see Hedi/Snit vs. UT/Kane. I like the funny in the two lunatics (H&S). I feel it would have been a very entertaining spot, though the actual wrestling part of it probably would have sucked major balls.

 

 

Payne Mcleod:Undertaker should face the champion, a la WM 13. There is no need for him to be in these bullshit matches. Heidenreich, Reigns. When is something serious going to be done with Taker?

 

Cameron Burge: I think I would have rather had the tag match. I don’t believe Orton’s shoulder is going to allow a very good match come this Sunday, and the tag match would have been a way to open a slot for someone else in the Ladder match with Kane otherwise occupied. I would have marked for the backstage segment with Heidenriech and Snitsky alone. Comedy gold.

 

James Walker:Yes. For some reason, I like Heidy & Snitsky.. in that ‘amputee-kitten’ sort of way. However, if that match were to take place, the outcome would be a given. With the Orton/Taker match, there’s a big debate about it, and really, it won’t be settled until after the 3 count. The tag match would have sucked. A lot.

 

 

Canadian Bacon: Super Mario Bros. are MAKE BELIEVE characters and not real-life undead brothers like Kane and The Undertaker! Although, there is some big time similarities. Kane has the same power as fiery Mario and can shoot fireballs from his hands and Undertaker has lots of lives and such. If only they could get their hands on some P-wings though cause then they’d be UNSTOPPABLE!

 

Sean Carless: Well, it really seemed like they were going that way for while, but thankfully someone came to their senses and put the big kybosh on that. And it’s a good thing too, because being an ordained minister now, I can tell you with complete assurance, that if that match had occurred, it would signal the end of the world as we know it. It’s right in your bible, actually. Heavens would open up, rivers would turn to blood, pestilence would reign, and the universe would implode upon itself….and Taker wouldn’t sell any of it J


 

4) Speaking of original plans, what’s your take on how this year’s main event was originally supposed to be HHH-RKO, but wound up as HHH-Batista?

Harry Simon: If built right, it could have maybe possibly perhaps...ah, who the hell am I kidding? The names and faces change, but it always comes down to HHH vs. HHH's Poor Schmuck Of An Opponent Who Has About As Much A Chance As Winning Decisively As Lita Does Of Testing Negative For All Known STDs.

 

Michael Melchor:Business is business, I suppose. People just weren't that into Orton and Creative picked up on the fact. Rather than have a match that no one wants to see headline the biggest show of the year, why not make another great story out of the big guy who wants to strike out on his own? Makes sense to me.

 

Doctor Gonzo: Lucky. Orton bombed as a face, and I always felt that it should have been Triple H who was turned face from Orton booting him out of Evolution. Evolution right now looks more like someone pissed in the gene pool because all that they have left is a 60 year old Muppet and a 30 year old roid freak with bad quads. Batista in the main event is damn good and much better than I would have expected. The fans ate him up. And now they have extra testicles (because of all the roids, you see…)

 

Richard Waters:Either way, the same result occurs. RKO was hot going into his match with Benoit, but a heel turning face never works. I don't buy Batista. Better then HHH/face Orton? Not by much, but I'm glad it changed. Now Taker can die!

 

Renee:Though both Big Dave and Orton had the same basic motivation in their turning on their master SOS, I believe the best choice was made in changing the feud to Batista instead of Orton. Orton always showed signs of being more interested in himself during his stint with Evolution. Batista showed the perils and conflicts of his dwindling loyalty to his clique. We road along side of him and from that connection alone he got the fans backing. Though I’m clueless as to what they should do after with Dave’s character, I’m happy with the choice.

 

Payne Mcleod: Meh. Same shit, just bigger. No big deal, this is just the only guy HHH hasn't beaten clean yet, to make him a heel, yet the greatest-uh, wrestler-uh, in the EVAR!

 

Cameron Burge: Triple H and Vince saw the crowd crap on Orton’s face turn and instead of rectifying that by returning him to heel, they hotshot the belt back to Hunter for the "save." I would have preferred an Orton/Trips match as opposed to the Roid-Rage-athon we are going to get, but at least they played the Batista turn the way they should have played Orton’s. I guess it’s okay that they learned from their mistakes, but screwing Orton before he even had a chance is a load of crap.

 

James Walker: I don’t blame Orton. I don’t blame HHH. I don’t blame Batista. I blame the writers. See… they couldn’t think of anything original to continue the feud, or anything to get Orton over as a face. The biggest flaw in the whole Orton/Hunter feud, was the turn itself. See… we still hated Orton. We hated Hunter more, but Orton a lot. Now… when HUNTER turned on Orton… we were confused. Cheer? We don’t like the guy.. but we hate Hunter more. Now, if Randy had turned, it would have been A LOT easier to cheer the guy. However, we were forced to cheer hm.. because Triple H didn’t like him. That’s no basis for a feud, or a character. I really think the WWE learned their lesson, and played out the Batista/Triple H feud like Orton’s should have been done. Dave, simply, was the benefactor of a failed experiment.


Canadian Bacon: What do you mean was supposed to be the main event? That would mean that wrestling is predetermined. I think we all know better than that. And besides I’m kinda of a BIG TIME expert on wrestling so I think I would have heard of some revolutionary change in the business. (I once knew a guy who one time brushed by big Leo Burke’s suede jacket in the hall of the Ogden Legion so I think I know what I’m talking about.)

 

Sean Carless: It’s all been said a million times already, but I’ll say it again. Under different circumstances, HHH vs. Orton COULD have worked. The roles just needed to be reversed. Unfortunately, WWE heard a bunch of contrary idiots cheer when Orton won the title, and Hunter refused to you know, actually “Evolve” his character (pardon the pun) so it all turned to shit. Shit wrapped in a towel and stuffed in Amy Weber’s travel bag. Damn, I’m sorry to keep going on about this one, but I just can’t believe that Orton shits in people’s bags. Hey, on second thought, maybe they did make the right choice after all….

5) Speaking of Batista, once it became apparent that he and John Cena were going to be the championship challengers for their respective brands, who needed the Rumble win more? Dave or John?

Harry Simon: At first, I thought Cena. But now that it’s obvious that they could care less if he gets over (Exhibit A = Losing the U.S. Title to Orlando Jordan), Dave was the right choice. A Rumble win has become a necessary component to building a guy’s momentum to the big win at WM (HBK, Austin, Benoit). So they made the right call in going with Dave, though there can be no excuse for the train wreck that was the finish of the RR match.

 

Michael Melchor: Definitely Batista. Cena is unbelievably over - to the point that we expected him to challenge for that title a lot sooner than this. The way people react to Cena and the reputation his character has built in the ring, he didn't need the Rumble as badly as Batista did to establish himself as the top contender.

 

Doctor Gonzo: Big Dave definitely needed this more than Cena. It put him over the top as a strong challenger to Trips. Cena was already over huge before the Rumble and is still over as hell, and has been over as hell for about a year. Dave needed this, especially after how he was crapped on by the fans for most of his career. I thought he looked a bit nutty.

 

Richard Waters:Batista. John Cena has been over as a face since November of 2003. He just started his JBL feud and has proven to be a rare breed. The kind that works well in face or heel. Something the IWC hero Steamboat could never do! That's right I said it. Cena > Steamboat. Steamboat was never WWE Champion. AH HA! Dave is the flavor of the month (and wets the bed!) and is only over when he's going after HHH. He's Face Orton 2.0. And what's up with calling everyone man? That's not cool... man.

 

Renee:I don’t think Cena or Batista needed the win at Rumble. I feel that they had already established their stance on each of their shows and had a strong backing from the fans. The win was just the last piece of decoration, it didn’t really matter who got it out of the two, in my opinion.

 

Payne Mcleod:No one did. The Rumble was a farce this year. It was a given that either Dave or Cena were going to go win it, so it was really anti-climactic. I mean, if someone else won it, then it would have been a surprise. No one needed the Rumble win, but I think Cena should have gotten it.

 

Cameron Burge: John needed it. He didn’t have the cred going into the Rumble that Batista already had by destroying countless guys like Benoit and Kane. Cena needed to look like he actually did have the power to destroy anyone without actually having done it. Let’s face it. Beating Booker T and Renee Dupree countless times does not make you WWE Heavyweight Championship material.

 

James Walker: While I’d like to disagree with the WWE (as seems usual with wrestling columnists) I think they made the smart choice by Dave winning it. See… Cena is over. Somehow, the ass kissing, poop joke raps haven’t deterred fans away from Cena – and all the power to him. Dave, while gaining momentum, had no real reason to fight for the belt. He’s never won a PPV singles match. There are much more viable contenders than Dave, if you look at it logically. However, the Royal Rumble is an established gimmick match. And a win there means something powerful. The Rumble on helped in getting Dave over. A rumble would only give Cena fans something to cheer about. Big difference.

Canadian Bacon: The truth is I missed the Royal Rumble because I accidentally sat on my balls and I was in the hospital for the weekend cause they’re kinda enormous. (I was critical for two days)

 

Sean Carless: Big Dave, no doubt about it. As over as Cena was, his being U.S. Champion pretty much all year should’ve got him in the hunt with JBL anyway (see Warrior Vs. Hogan at Wm 6.) Batista needed the Rumble win more to create the all important tension with Triple H, leading the inevitable break up of Evolution. I just would have booked the ending of the Rumble a little different myself. Although, had it not gone down that way, we would never have witnessed the “dignity” of a legless Vince McMahon calling an audible mid-ring on his ass, sitting like a grade 5 kid in his Gym-squad, after blowing out both quads with his hilarious geriatric stage-dive into the ring. Good times there.

6) Speaking of Stone Cold and Hot Rod (which we weren’t, but play along), what are you hoping to happen when Steve Austin visits Piper’s Pit?

Harry Simon: I just hope Piper is coherent enough for the closed-caption feature of my TV to make what the hell he’s talking about. Also, it would be great if Austin showed up wasted and did what comes naturally to him when he sees a big mouth in a skirt.

Michael Melchor:I'd pay these guys to turn this into a Hogan-bashing segment. Let both of 'em run their mouth about the "Hulkster" and Hogan comes out to defend his honor (or something equally ludicrous). Piper hits him with a coconut, Austin hands out a Stunner or 7, beers are on the house, every one goes home happy.

 

Doctor Gonzo: I would hope Piper goes all "Jerry Springer" and brings out Debra and Steve's other punching bag for a surprise visit. They then commence beating him with coconuts yelling "What?" each time they swat him. At the bottom of the screen it would say "dramatic reenactment of Steve's last 2 divorces". Best show ever.

 

Richard Waters:I don't get why this "segment" is billed as a freaking draw. I loved Austin wrestling, but talking is for TV shows... not PPV. Hot Rod bores me to tears. Austin can't physically wrestle, so who cares? Also what the fuck is a live mic? That makes little sense. Like Vince is gonna let them (especially Piper who had a fiasco at HBO and worked for TNA) say what's on their mind. Pee break! I just hope Steamboat comes out and gets Coconuted(??) and Stunned. Yes, I found my new Mysterio!

 

Renee: I feel a stunner is inevitable but for what I don’t know. I don’t really like Piper too much so as long as Stone Cold comes out on top in the end, I’ll be satisfied.

 

Payne Mcleod: In my dream of dreams, I hope they start busting in on McMahon like Piper did on Russo on TNA. Other than that, they will read their script, get paid, and go home. As you can tell, I am preparing for a great disappointment this year.

 

Cameron Burge: Can we all say Stunner? It’s inevitable, but I also wouldn’t be surprised if they pull a fake shoot on us and Eric comes to stop them only to catch a double beat down. Nothing of interest will probably be said here, beyond some trash talk of guys like Orton and Cena.

 

James Walker: I swear, if Jimmy Snuka confronts Piper again, I’ll fucking stab someone. What do I want to happen? In a perfect world, the segment never happens, and Trish comes to my house and turns the TV off and has sex with me. But that’s not bloody likely.. for it’s Wrestlemania, the TV does not go off. But, realistically.. well.. it’s far fetched as well, but I want BROCK LESNAR to come down, and tear shit up. Seriously, I’d love it. Call me crazy, but I love the Vanilla Gorilla, and I want to see him back.

Canadian Bacon: My Mom always taught me that a pit was where God was gonna toss that unholy devil after the big time apocalypse! So, I guess that means Roddy Piper is the devil? Be careful Stone Cold! That Devil is a trickster. And I know this because one time my Cousin Madison bartered his soul for a pair of neon jammers in the summer of 1989. Course it didn’t really matter cause Madison wasn’t doin anything productive with his soul anyway.

 

Sean Carless: I hope they parody the old “tastes great” “less filling” debate only with beer and cocaine respectively. I’m also curious to see if Piper has penned in his own name on that FRATS shirt of his yet. (Hey, the way Piper lives, you never know when he’ll be playin’ bag pipes for ol’ St. Peter)

But seriously, this strikes me as a time where Hassan and Daivari get involved… then of course Stunned for their troubles.

7) This is the third WM in a row with no IC Title match. Should there have been a title defense from Mr. Benjamin this year, or do you prefer him as one-sixth of the ladder match?

Harry Simon:
Savage vs. Steamboat. Bret vs. Piper. HBK vs. Razor. For myself and a whole generation of fans, it was the IC Title match that usually stole the show while Hogan and company hogged the World Title picture. So yeah, I’ve got a soft spot for the IC belt and I’d like to see it defended on the big stage. Much like an aghast Mean Gene on the classic Saturday Night’s Main Event where Lanny Poffo beat Hulk Hogan (yes, seriously), I find myself screaming, “THE CHAMPIONSHIP HAS BEEN DESECRATED!!” Come to think of it, ALL the secondary titles got hosed this year. Is there a U.S. Title match? What about the World Tag Title? It’s no coincidence that devaluing stuff people USED to care about is in direct correlation to the drop in business and popularity.

Michael Melchor:I definitely would have preferred an IC Title defense. It would have been a great way for Benjamin to continue to establish himself as a future main eventer and let someone in the midcard who needs it (like Mohammad Hassan) get the attention.

 

Doctor Gonzo: I think if they were going to push Benjamin in an under-dog fashion, it would have made for a good angle that he is in fact defending his title on this PPV, and as an added bonus, if he does retain, he gets the shot at the title anytime he wants. They could have run another number 1 contender's match with s few of the other guys, and not made this match such a clusterfuck. 8) One last WM21 prediction: Despite being confined to a wheelchair with two torn quads, will Vince McMahon's ego force him to make an on-air appearance on the PPV? If so, how should it happen?

 

Richard Waters: Someone else I would have preferred an IC title bout, but Shelton is a star. I love the dude. Would be cool if he won the ladder match just for a swerve. I am glad he's in the 6-way. Let's see a t-bone off the ladder!

 

Renee:I really don’t mind Benji anywhere. HE has no one to really defend his title against. To have him put it on the line without some sort of history wouldn’t hold an interest for too long. However I love that he leaves it open to anyone who wants to challenge him for it at anytime. Having a title reign since October 19th, HE is someone that reeks of awesomeness!

 

Payne Mcleod:The ladder match should have been for the IC title. Plain and simple.

 

Cameron Burge: I prefer Benjamin with his shot at the World Title. It give me hope that Benji might get to do what Cena wasn’t allowed to. That being to become a double champion. If he had defended I would have made it Hassan/Benjamin and put the belt on Muhammad. But I’m just a Hassan mark, so sue me.

 

James Walker:I like Benji, a lot. The guy is very good in the ring, and given enough time, a serious World Title contender. However, that said, I did not want him in this match. I love the idea of a Title shot being on the line, but I just don’t like how Shelton being in there distracts from the fact that his IC title is around his waist. Frankly, I would have preferred an inter-promotional Ladder match, with the winner getting a shot at any belt they please.. leaving room open for a Shelton defense. The bottom line is, Benjamin deserves to be a part of Wrestlemania, however, he deserves to be doing his belt proud.

 

Canadian Bacon: There’s only one sixth of Shelton Benjamin left? Was he in some sort of accident? I bet it was that same drunk marine that ran over Shannon Moore! Anyways how can an amputee climb a ladder? Poor Shelton. It’s just hopeless now!

 

Sean Carless: Hey, let’s face facts, regardless of who wins this thing, HHH will still dominate the picture anyway, so I think the match itself should have been for the IC title all along. It would be a great way to re-establish the belt and make it seem like it’s worth something. Instead of the shitty prop that it (and let’s be frank every other secondary title in the company) has become.


 

8) One last WM21 prediction: Despite being confined to a wheelchair with two torn quads, will Vince McMahon’s ego force him to make an on-air appearance on the PPV? If so, how should it happen?

Harry Simon: First question = Yes. Second question = After UT beats RKO, a lone spotlight shines on a dark part of the arena and Vince is there standing (having been propped up moments before the angle). Vince gives his WM speech as a beaten, frustrated Orton walks over to him. Orton says that he may not have broken UT’s streak, but he’ll be damned if he leaves WM without killing a legend. One RKO later, Orton is on fire again.

Michael Melchor: I'm expecting an appearance from Vince thanking everyone for their support and for being a part of the Showcase Of The Immortals - all on tape before the show actually starts and only seen from the torso up so that anyone that doesn't know about the injury doesn't have to.

 

Doctor Gonzo: Of course. It's Mania, and in Los Angeles of all places, so he will show up, nutting up and walking down the aisle to probably come out during Piper's pit and bury the guy even more, and probably try to reenact Stone Cold vs. Vince version 7,943,9603329432ifkdso.392340

 

Richard Waters:I'd mark out if he interuppted the proposed Hogan/Hassan (please no because he'll never put him over!!!) and buried Hogan... literally.

 

Renee:I want them to find Vince laid out in the back somewhere with an Arab flag draped over him, a victim of Hassan’s Arab American anger for not being included in Wrestlemania. Would that be terrorism?

 

Payne Mcleod:I think we will see McMahon kicking around. And, if I had the choice, he should cost HHH the title, and stand beside Dave in a team called "No Chance in Hell"

 

Cameron Burge: Vince get his rickety old ass on their somehow. He may have himself appear on the titantron to turn over a match decision or something. Who knows? But rest assured, his ego would turn around and destroy his own mind before it allowed him to miss Wrestlemania.

 

James Walker: I can see Vinny Mac getting involved in Piper’s Pit, but I don’t see how if he can’t power strut. Maybe he could be back stage, sitting down in his office, and announce that there will be a draft lottery or something. I don’t know, but he won’t be walking, that’s for sure.

 

Canadian Bacon: Vince needs to tough it out like Kevin Nash did when he tore his quad! Nash was the master of psycholologicacy! He even pretended to cry but it was just really selling the story for the crowd! He’s a big time professional like that.

Anyways, I think the Vince will be there and he will cast off his wheel chair and surprise us all by walking like an upright erect man (Cavemen were horny all the time I guess).

 

Sean Carless: With Vince potentially wheel chair bound, there was really only one direction to go in: Vince vs. Droz: First man Standing match! Hell, they could even bring back Limp Bizkit to play Rollin’ as the two make their entrances. (I’m definitely going to Hell)

 

9) Out of this year’s HOF inductees (Hulk Hogan, Roddy Piper, Bob Orton Jr., Paul Orndorff, Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff, Jimmy Hart), which one was your favorite and why?

Harry Simon:
Orndorff, by far. “Mr. Wonderful” had a great gimmick and he was truly one of the greatest workers of mid-80s WWF. His piledriver looked like a KILLER, too. Wanna treat yourself? Go track down Coliseum’s “Best Of The WWF Volume 2” for a balls-to-the-wall match with Orndorff vs. Tito Santana…for the IC Title, no less (told ya).

 

Michael Melchor:Looking the "The Class Of WrestleMania I" and not being crazy about that time, I'll go with Paul Orndorff by default. The feud he had with Hogan was personal AND had some of Hogan's best matches to boot.

 

Doctor Gonzo: I would love to say Piper, but my love for that guy came about after that period. I have to go with the clichéd answer and say the Orange Goblin. I loved that guy more than he loved roids. Let that speak for itself.

 

Richard Waters:I consider myself a newbie fan, only since 98. Hogan of course I know. Piper I knew of barley. Bob Orton thanks to the Flair DVD, Paul had no idea who he was, Iron Sheik I knew of, Volkoff thanks to Here comes the Pain and Hart I knew of him, just not his name. My favorite goes to Hart. Why because he was so annoying. Maybe not Daivari annoying, but close.

 

Renee:As much as I rag on the dude I would have to say Hogan. I believe his name and character have become synonymous with wrestling entertainment and deserves to be recognized as such. My son has never seen Hogan wrestle in his short six year span on this earth but he knows who he is and realizes that his image alone represents wrestling. For what he’s done in and out of the ring (minus all motion pictures) Hogan is the epitome of a wrestling HOF legend.

 

Payne Mcleod: Piper, Piper, and MOTHER FUCKING PIPER! First, I am Scottish. Second I am Canadian. Third, I am a heel fan. Piper was the first heel I ever loved, and the only reason Hogan was so damned good was because he had such a bad guy to play off of. Remember, there is no heaven without a hell.

 

Cameron Burge: Ah. It was the Hot Rod. I was into his WCW tenure as a young mark when he defeated Hogan with the sleeper hold. I always loved his promos and thought he was a general badass. It just didn’t get any better than the Hot Rod. Unfortunately now days he’s become a coked up, fat guy who couldn’t carry his own weight to the ring let alone another wrestler to a decent match. I’m just curious to see what he looks like now. Hopefully he dropped that weight.

 

James Walker: Piper. I won’t bother to talk about Volkoff or Orton – they seem like fillers. Jimmy Hart, while a good manager, never could match up to Heenan. (Nor can anyone, for that matter) Sheik, blah, by the time I started to watch wrestling, he was way past him prime (and I use that word loosely). Orndorff, I like. I’ve seen videos of him, and I definetly think I’d have been into the guy had I been a fan/not crapping my pants then. Hogan deserves to be in, no doubt. He put wrestling on the map. However, Hogan bitches. He cries, moans, and lies. Piper tells it straight up, and isn’t afraid to tell it like it is. Despite his.. umm.. dustings, I respect Piper for that. Also, I love that he’s coming in, for it was not long ago he was all up in TNA’s ass. Hah, suck on it Jarrett.

 

Canadian Bacon: The Iron Sheik! Prolly because I recently grew a moustache just like his! (I have dream of becoming a circus strongman. I can even lift up 38 pounds RIGHT OVER MY HEAD like it was nothing! )

Anyways, I always liked the Iron Sheik and appreciated his dedication in perfecting his camel clutch. I imagine it would be really hard to keep the camel still to practice on though. I found this out the hard way recently on a Moose (I was practicing my patented Moose sleeper hold) when it kicked me in the face with its cloven hooves and killed me right where I stood! Luckily I was Ok though.

 

Sean Carless: Oh definitely that stark ravin’ Hulkster… Bruther (Who I INSIST should have been inducted by Red Rooster based solely on his recent poultry woes) However, bonus points go to Paul Orndorff, if only because Mr. Wonderful’s atrophied appendages will make our hero Chris Benoit feel a little bit better about his own freakishly small arms.…


 

10) Last year had such a strong rating, the post-WM draft seems like it’ll become an annual event. This year, pick five names that you think should go to Raw, and five names that you think should go to SD.

 

Harry Simon: To SD = MHV1 (cowardly no-brainer pick), HBK, Y2J, Hurricane, Rosey. SD desperately needs good characters and better workers. Also, the superheroes would work better on SD, which has a younger demographic in prime time.

To RAW = Cena, Bashams, Haas, Heidenreich. Cena needs to regain his edge on a show with looser standards and practices. Scrap the SD Tag Title and rebuild the tag division on RAW with the Bashams and the reunited Bacardi & Cola (a.k.a. The Self-Proclaimed World’s Greatest Tag Team Angle). And Heidenreich and Snitsky BELONG together. It’s wrong to keep them apart. It’s kismet. It’s destinky. (Stupid but true: When I typed this, I meant to type “destiny,” but it came out as “destinky.” I decided to leave it.)

 

Michael Melchor: Why don't we make this WCW vs. WWF all over again?

Raw to SmackDown: Benoit, Jericho, Ric Flair, Stacy Keibler, Eric Bischoff

SmackDown To Raw: JBL, Undertaker, Kurt Angle, John Cena, Hardcore Holly

Now you have all of "the WWF"'s best on Raw, and all of "WCW"'s best on SmackDown. If we're going to separate the brands, we may as well do the "Invasion" storyline right...

 

Doctor Gonzo: TO RAW: Eddie, RVD, the Dudley Boys, and Charlie Haas. A feud with Shelton over his rising popularity would be a golden midcard feud.

TO SD: Chris Masters, Christian (to finally get a title run as a solid heel champ as he is the most under rated character/wrestler in the WWE), Matt Hardy (for obvious reasons, no more having to deal with Edge and Lita), Rhyno (could have a great run as US Champ) and Tajiri for cruiserweight reasons.

 

Richard Waters:To SD: Randy, Jericho, HBK, Hurricane, Tajiri

To Raw: Dawn, Eddie. That's it. :/

 

Renee:To Raw – Haas, RVD, Michelle McCool, Heidi and Luther

To SD – Orton, Christian, Matt Hardy, HBK and Simon Dean

 

Payne Mcleod:Going to Raw: Taker, because he debuted the first Raw, and will probably retire on Raw. Probably against Kane.

Heidenreich, Show, random brawlers that HHH hasn't beaten yet.

Eddie, he will go down to face Edge, et al. They haven't done much for him on SD other than drop him like a stone

Haas, so he can team up with Shelton, and face E&C, and start the fire needed in the tag division.

Going to SD: Masters, because he is new and he sucks. That way they can still call Raw the best.

Richards, so he can beat the hell out of Masters, and he would fit better.

Orton, because he is such a "big name."

Hurricane, what the hell is there for a Cruiserweight to do on Raw? Other than lose to HHH?

Matt Hardy, for reasons we all know by now.

 

Cameron Burge: For Raw I’d send Batista, Kane, Michaels, Triple H and Christian. All those men need new opponents because they are getting stale with several repeat matches. Christian could really spice up the US title division, and as much as I hate to admit it Triple H and Batista could bring a serious rating boost to the show. For Smackdown I’d shift Cena, JBL, Big Show, Angle, and RVD. RVD isn’t doing anything and could have some great IC matches with Benjamin or Jericho. Big Show just needs the environment change to get a fresh start as monster face or heel even. JBL and Cena have already fought and defeated everyone on Smackdown. With both sets of Mania main events switching we would inevitably be switching the champions to really keep things interesting like James suggested. In my opinion, with those switches it could keep things new and interesting for at least a year.

 

James Walker:To Raw: Charlie Haas, Rene Dupree, Doug & Danny Basham, The Undertaker.

To Smackdown: Tajiri, Hurricane, Christian, Kane, Chris Jericho.

Let me explain them all. Haas is being wasted right now. The only mn he has any history with at all, in Benji. Now… they could go the obvious route and have the two feud, but I prefer the idea of them restoring credibility to the tag division… maybe against the Rockers? Dupree to Raw, so Grenier has someone to tag with while ROB CONWAY breaks away form that garb and gets a singles run. The Bashams because I feel JBL will slowly start to dissolve after Mania, and maybe losing two of his men would add Cena feud, as JBL has less aid. Taker, because his career is dying down, and no matter how I feel about the guy, he deserves to be on the flagship show until he’s done.

As for the Smackdown crew, the first two move, simply because they’re cruisers and shouldn’t be anywhere else. Christian, for I feel he is heavily underused, and once Cena gets the belt, I’d *love* to see a feud between the two. Kane, for not only do I not want to see him on the same show as Taker (I hate those two together. Their storyline is far over done) but the guy could add some star power to Smackdown. And, finally, Jericho, because he’s not going anywhere on Raw, and could be a credible champion on Smackdown. This would also bring back the glory days of Smackdown, with less focus on storylines, and much more on damn awesome matches.

 

Canadian Bacon: I’m sorry all you war mongering Americans but I’m a big time pacifist . I don’t believe in the Draft no matter which war it is!

See, it’s prolly because I’m a veteran myself. I’ve seen war with my own eyes. That war was Ball Fest’2001 where I came in 4th place out of three people in the Provincial wall ball finals. It was a gritty battle that saw MANY casualties (one gentleman spilled a smoothie on his pants) it was just horrible. Sometimes I can still hear the screams. (the ice cream was quite cold) So, in all due respect I must conscientiously object to this question that I’ve forgot what it was asking.

 

 

Sean Carless:  Sean’s Draft:

 

To SmackDown: Matt Hardy (carrying Lita on his shoulder, cave-man style;) Tajiri & William Regal; Chris Jericho, and Randy Orton;

 

To Raw: Kurt Angle, John Cena, The Dudleys, Charlie Haas;

 

Sent back to 1999 where they could actually be relevant again: Hardcore Holly and Scotty 2 Hotty.

 

In the event that a device is created that can physically disintegrate a human being leaving absolutely no trace of them whatsoever: Mark Jindrak.

 

And finally, Drafted to my genital region: Anyone with a vagina.

 

Sounds about right to me.

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).