Hey there, Fuckies, I'm Sean Carless, and welcome to the Royal Rumble! Only unlike
*real-life* Rumbles, dudes don't wait around until
you chronologically enter the brawl with pre-cued
music; and shank you instead of awkwardly hanging
onto your leg as you balance on the top rope making
sure you don't accidentally fall out. I wish I
knew this pertinent information before I entered
into gang wars. One minute I'm counting down the
clock, and the next I'm pulling a switch out of my
ribcage. WWE is to blame for never clearing these
discrepancies up. Obviously.
Anyway, normally, your
Master of Ceremonies would be one James Walker, but
unfortunately, his computer upped and died after
being riddled with more viruses than the lovemaker
of one Irving Magic Johnson. So, here I am to save
the day; and by "save the day" I really mean write a
quick, un-detailed recap because I had no time to
prepare and took no notes. Other than that, though,
it should be...umm, terrible? Maybe.
Let's get to the show!
Your hosts tonight are the
usual suspects, JR & King, Cole & JBL, and Tazz &
Styles. Sadly, Hugo & Carlos are NOWHERE to be seen.
No worries though, I've heard from reliable sources
that Vince still sent someone to their house to dive
through their furniture, just to keep the status
MN w/M vs. Matt & Jeff Hardy
Reputedly, this is
apparently the *last ever* meeting between these two
teams, which will at least give Joey Mercury much
more time to return to the Paris catacombs and haunt
an Opera house. Great little match here, but that is
to be expected when you're talking about these four
men. I really wanted to make joke about MNM's
fur-coats, and how any animal that has an electronic
moving marquee built into its hide has to be an
endangered species, and thus they should be ashamed
of themselves, but sadly, they didn't wear those
particular coats. Even sadder is I still decided to
make that joke anyway.
Anyway, lots of tandem
offense from the Hardys, who look to finish Nitro
with the stereo splash/legdrop dealiabob, but Nitro
gets his knees up and Jeff crashes and burns. And
yes, that's "crashing and burning" for the record,
and not burning one then crashing for 3
days straight as was once the norm. I just thought
I'd clear that up for you.
Soon after, though,
Matt hits a top rope leg drop and ALL HECK (where
you go when you don't believe in Gosh) HAS BROKEN
LOOSE! MNM soon regains the advantage and looks to
finish Matt with the Snap Shot but Jeff makes the
save. The Hardy's then hit POETRY IN MOTION on Joey!
I always get the impression that the Hardy's must be
banned from late night readings at coffee houses on
the account that Jeff always launches himself off
Matt's back into a throng of guys in black
turtlenecks, as coffee cups the size of half barrels
go flying everywhere. I may have thought too hard
Anyway, with one Poetry in Motion down, they try it
next on Nitro, but it misses. You know, I always
wanted to see Terkay pull off that move just so I
could have used the line "Poultry in Motion", but
fucking Manbearpig had to screw that all up by getting fired, and ruined
a joke that'd only be funny once then never again.
Oh well. Anyway, from there, Nitro gets a quick
Oklahoma roll on Matt, or Roll as it's known in
Tulsa, but he kicks out. Matt then hits the
Twist of Fate on Nitro, but Joey and he spill to the
outside, but as he careens through the ropes, Jeff
makes a hot tag, hot enough to presumably light a
crack pipe, and he goes up, and hits the
Swanton bomb to pick up the win!
Winners: The Hardy Boys.
I'd suggest maybe dropping the 'Boys' part from your
names now that you're in your thirties, but Ric
Flair kind of shattered that stereotype. Besides,
The Hardy Men kind of sounds like a gay porno
feature, so no harm, no foul.
-Wrestlemania 23 vignette
airs. It shows WWE superstars as children. Included within are Cena,
Undertaker(!) Batista (whose child form ironically
enough is what he'd look like cycled down), King
Booker & even HBK, who's seen on his knees praying.
All in all, I found the whole thing creepy. I mean,
images of children in states of undress and on their
knees? The only place I'd expect to find this is on
Rob Feinstein's computer in his 'My Documents' file.
OK, I just wanted to make that joke. Whatever. (and
I am joking. I love the law and obeying it!
Slander?LOL! I thought you said Satire!)
-Backstage, we have RAW & SmackDown representatives
Coach and Teddy Long, along with *Official* ball
handler Kelly Kelly, whose last experience under
this job description probably got her hired in the
Edge comes in to draw his
number, and makes fun of Kelly's double name, but
Kelly retorts with "At least my name's not Edge", as
U2 fans around the world get pissed off at what
she's implying. Poor Kelly. She makes fucking Brick
Tamland look like Stephen Hawking. I'd still accept
an invitation to
her Pants Party , though.
Orton then comes in, and
argues with Edge. They both vow to win the Rumble
tonight, then draw their numbers. Edge then wants a
look at Orton's number, and decrees "I'll show you
mine if you show me yours". The two then break into
an innocent game of doctor, gently kiss and
young love blooms. Ok, it didn't. King Booker comes
in and says "tell me you didn't just say that". I
like my version better.
(C) Lashley vs. Test: HOSS vs. HORSE. ECW
World Title match.
Joey Styles starts things
off by putting over Test as an "Impact Player", and
"God's gift to ECW". Man, what did we ever do
to God to deserve this? I'll take the locusts and
the death of my first born again over that. ARE YOU
Anyway, in this match's
defense, there was at least some psychology, as Test
worked over Choc Lesnar's [EXTREME] shoulder so he
couldn't pull off the usual [EXTREME] power moves,
including a [EXTREME] press-slam that Lashley
botches, and Test follows through with the Aboot for
a real close 2 count. It's at that point that I
become mesmerized with Test's back, and wonder if
he's secretly a Mogwai and if someone made the
mistake of pouring water on him. The worst part of
this scenario? It means he'll soon multiply and
we'll have about 12 Test's to worry about, none of
which can work. Hopefully no one makes the final
mistake of feeding him after 12 am tonight, or
clearly ECW will be finished.
Anyway, Lashley eventually
gets the momentum back after floating out of an
[EXTREME] TKO attempt by Test, and
[EXTREME] clotheslines Test out and over. Test then
just takes a [EXTREME] walk and gets
[EXTREME] counted out? EC-DUB! EC-DUB! EC-DUB!
Winner by EXTREME count
out: Bobby Lashley. Hey, good thing he cleanly
pinned Test last Tuesday night for free or I'd feel
really ripped off right now! Oh wait.
Lashley, angry that Test
is a coward, but probably mostly because he has a
speaking voice that doesn't sound like Mike Tyson
after inhaling an entire canister of helium, drags
Test back inside and crushes him with the British
(Blackish?) Bulldog powerslam. THIS WAS EXTREME.
- John Cena is being
checked on by a doctor who tells him he shouldn't
wrestle. SEE, EVEN MEDICAL PRACTITIONERS ARE SAYING
IT. Oh, they mean on the account that he's injured.
Vince McMahon then comes
in, wearing a jacket that he may have rolled off the
corpse of fucking Howard Cosell, and tells John Cena
he doesn't think he will leave as WWE champion
tonight, and that Cena can't see
him. If only we could say the same. Of course
good luck disappearing in that fucking jacket. Even
Two Face and The Riddler would be saying "Jesus
Christ, tone it down a bit there, man".
(C) Batista vs. Mr.
Kennedy w/ Kennedy: World
Heavyweight Title Match.
Mr. Kennedy needs to be
commended here for carrying Batista to a fairly
decent match. And I'm serious. It wasn't too long
ago Dave could be counted on to pull his weight, but
somewhere in the confusion,
that Dave left with Jerry O'Connell to slide
through different parallel dimensions, and
shitty mirror world Dave is who we're left with.
Anyway, the story here was Kennedy working over The
Animal's legs. Which is scary, because if
successful, that's usually a prerequisite for
putting some animals down. It's a good thing
Batista's species of animal has yet to be identified
or he could be in HUGE trouble. I can just picture
Vince coming into his locker-room with a shotgun and
a tear in his eye.
One cool move was a
reverse figure four leglock by Kennedy, reputedly
invented by Vince Russo, but Dave got the
break. Batista then hits the spinebuster, or
spinebruiser, because every vertebrae in Ken's back
did not explode from his torso Mortal Kombat
Fatality-style. Unfortunately, this hurts Batista's
own knee. Mr. Kennedy then sends Batista into the
ref, hits a neckbreaker on him and has him covered,
but there's no referee. Man, you'd think after 30
years of everyone running into Referees during
key points of matches, that someone would build them
a little cage to referee in like those things you
see inside seedy bars that bands play inside of.
It's at this point the crowd has turned on The Animal,
obviously hoping he'll go into hibernation, or
better yet, get sent to that "farm" your parents
tell you your dog went when he was really old. (Fun
Fact: He's dead!). Kennedy goes over and wakes up
the referee, but by this point, Big Dave is
recovered, clotheslines the peroxide off Ken's head,
then Batista bomb's him to retain the title. HE
WALKED A MILE THROUGH A PIT OF DANGER. Normally,
he'd just jog through it, but last time he did that, he was on the
shelf for 8 months...
Winner & still champion:
Batista, who will now go on to Wrestlemania, where
he'll no doubt not understand why the crowd boos him
over Undertaker, and doesn't revel in his comebacks.
In fact, he'll be sick of all those people talkin'
out their heads. He'll never understand a damn thing
that they said. From words to actions never knowing
what they're about. I guess he'll have to chew them
up and spit them out. HE'LL WALK ALONE. HUH!
Batista's theme has all bases covered. What can I
say? Huh, again? Ok, then. HUH!
-Backstage, Kevin The Vampire and Areola, I mean, Ariel, draw their numbers. Kevin seems
pleased with his number but not as pleased as he
must be with those huge implants Ariel has. And the
best part? There was probably like zero recovery
time needed for her. Since she's a vampire, the
doctor made an incision, stuffed the bag in there,
and the cut just closed right over by itself. It's
times like this being Nosferatu really comes in
After they leave the
scene, Little Bastard enters, no doubt being watched
at home on TV by his brothers Stupid little shit,
and Dumb Motherfucker. He goes to draw Finlay's
number, but Coach *hilariously* mentions that he
hopes he doesn't DRAW A SMALL NUMBER. Which I'll
assume is a jab at the man's pituitary gland issues.
Have you no respect, Coach? No dignity? No
class? You cunt. Anyway, Little Bastard, then pulls
a Mike Tyson (no, he doesn't date rape The Coach,
despite his pleas of "no", but damn it, that'd be
great) and bites Coach's ear. He then runs into The
Great Khali and takes off. Khali grabs three balls
from the tumbler, but Coach and Long inform him
that he's only allowed one. Khali then informs them
it's OK because he just accidentally killed both of
the people who'd have normally gotten the numbers.
OK, he didn't say that. Not that anyone would
understand anyway. The fucking Dead Sea Scrolls
were easier to decipher than one of this guy's
promos. Khali then drops two balls on the floor,
which Kelly Kelly picks up and says "WOW. THESE ARE
THE BIGGEST BALLS I'VE EVER HELD BEFORE." You see,
it's funny, because it's subtly implying she's held
large testicles in her hand. Which we know is a lie.
She is dating Test in real life, after
Oh, Ron Simmons
then appears and earns his paycheck. DAMN.
-Video package for WWE
Title match. Yon Ceeena. Joo are yoing to loose
jor WWE Title-- So sayeth Armando sans Alejandro
(C) John Cena vs.
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUMAGGGGGA w/ Armando Estrada: WWE Title
Match. Last Man Standing.
I've always wondered where
one might go for a custom grill when they're from
the fucking Jungle. Then I thought, since he's a
Bulldozer and all, Umaga obviously mowed down some
trees with his ass, and cleared way for a whole new
block of commerce in Samoa. God bless this man for
bringing culture to a savage land. He just needs to
learn English now. Although, that's never
stopped most of the other people who usually wear
Anyway, for those of us
who can't grasp the concept of HAVING THE LAST MAN STANDING, Lillian goes
over the rules. She then teaches us how to tie our
shoes, and then how to properly wipe our asses.
Because if she didn't, how would we ever figure it
out? Thank for the heads-up, Lil.
That said, this was a
GREAT fucking match. These two guys have fantastic
chemistry in the ring together, and as much as I
bust Cena's balls with jokes, he always steps up in
the big matches. Anyway, Umaga proceeds to
just beat the shit out of Cena, but The Champ is
resilient. There are no odds he can't
overcome. Except if those odds are him winning. He
can't overcome those Odds and lose. Or something.
From there, Cena tried his
best to keep the big man down for a ten count,
battering him with stairs (which were brought into
the ring), then giving him the protobomb on
said stairs, but to no avail. Umaga eventually
regains the momentum, after Cena goes for an FU on
the stairs, but his legs give out and Umaga lands on
him, driving him head first into the stairs which
busts our favorite fake-Marine open. SOLDIER
DOWN! Umaga then hits a Samoan Drop, but Cena is up.
Umaga goes for the Samoan Spike, but Cena blocks,
and soon thereafter hits the West Newbury Jam (my
favorite breakfast spread) leg drop on Umaga as he
was bent over. Umaga still gets up. He then knocks
down Armando, and smashes a TV monitor into Umaga's
head. This however, is still not enough to put away
Umaga. Because, you see, Samoans can not be harmed
in the head area. It's been like 35 years, you'd
think white wrestlers would figure it out. Hey, why
not just catch a chair RVD throws at you, next?
What's the worst that could happen? Cena then tries to jump off the apron
onto Umaga, but he's caught and smashed into the
post. STAY AT YOUR POST, SOLDIER. Umaga then puts
Cena on the announce table, climbs up on the
furthest one (all 3 are in a row) and runs from
table to table, leaping off the 2nd for the Superfly
(for a white guy) splash, but said white guy, Cena,
moves, and Umaga crashes and burns. However, he
still gets up. Back in the ring. Armando removes the
turnbuckle hinge entirely, and once Umaga regains
his bearings, demands he use the metal part as a
surrogate spike on Cena. Cena however ducks, and
hits a big FU. He then clobbers Umaga with the
turnbuckle hinge, and puts him in the STFU with the
loose ring ropes, strangling the life out of Umaga.
Umaga, however, starts stirring, so Cena reapplies
the hold, and this time, Umaga stays down for the
Winner & still Champion:
John Cena, yo. Awesome match. Two big taped thumbs
of death up here.
-Backstage, Teddy Long &
Coachman argue over which brand will win the Rumble.
Sadly, ECW has no voice to speak up for it. Gee WWE,
if you're not careful, ECW might start coming off as
a completely third-rate brand or something!...
Sandman then comes in and
picks his number. I'd have thought it was funny if
he drew number 2, but since he's
intoxicated, saw it as 22, and entered then and won
the match. Oh well. Flair comes in next and draws
his number and Kelly Kelly flirts with him. Just
then Layla and the other broad from ECW appear, and
the lights go out, and the three start dancing with
Ric Flair. And you know, when Flair is the sexiest
dancer involved, it's maybe time to take up a new
career. Maybe Kamikaze piloting. I hear the benefits
-Rumble package airs. Holy
shit. There's Lex Luger in the montage! We need to
get this guy back in WWE, stat. Between him and
Orton, they can have a contest to see who drives the
most Divas away, be it with sexual harassment, or
not having a pulse. There are no losers here.
...THE MOST STAR STUDDED
EVER, according to the commentators, which is true
if you discount the fact it's not. For the
record, your Rumble commentary team for this match
is Lawler, JBL & Michael Cole. Wait. Michael
Cole? Who the fuck did JR piss off? I mean, we
know that Vince probably stepped on a lever after
the Test/Lashley match that opened a chute that Tazz
& Styles were sucked down before flying out into the
parking lot with their luggage in tow, but Jim Ross?
Man. I'd understand if maybe there was some sort of
steel inanimate object out there Cole could compare
to some ravenous animal, but there's not. What
gives? However, regardless, one question
remains: With the floor finally his, will tonight be
the night Cole finally buckles and says the
fucking word "head"? Come on, Michael, use your
Lillian goes over the rules. Yup. Dudes still get
thrown over the top rope. Why bother even explaining
the rules anymore?They need to cut through the
bullshit and hire Blaccu- forecast weatherman Ollie from Family Guy to do their Rumble announcing:
"Motherfuckers go over the ropes!" That's who'd I'd
have do it....
Ric Flair comes in at
#1. # 2 is Finlay. Wow. Man, with Flair's drinking
history, is going an hour with an Irishman really
the best idea? # 3 is Kenny "The
Dyke" Dykstra, but will he go down? What's the
spread on him winning this thing? And can I make
more not-so-subtle lesbian jokes at his
surname's expense? You betcha. #4, is Matt Hardy. He
can slap a Tornado, and feud with a Hurricane for 8
months straight. #5 is Edge who comes in and spears
Flair WITH THE FLYING HUG.
One for Dykstra as well. He misses
Matt, who then hits the twist of fate. I think this
is the reason why Edge can't seem to hold onto a
woman. Every time she asks for a hug, he lunges and
crushes her. What can he do? It's just
instinct. You'd think she'd know him. She knows what
he allows her to know.
Flair goes out from
there and gets some chairs, but before he can
presumably conchairto Edge, he's tossed out. Dykstra
then mocks the Flair strut and he gets tossed out by
Edge. Yay! More Flair vs. Dykstra! The only
two men in the company, besides HHH, who can vacuum
their carpets just by clearing their sinuses.
#6 is Tommy Dreamer. #7 is
Sabu, and luckily for him the Rumble buzzer is loud
and probably acted as an alarm clock, so he could
wake up in time to actually make his cue. Sabu,
then immediately goes and sets up a table. THIS
CANNOT END WELL. Jesus, Sabu. Why not just wheel a
fucking giant birthday cake out here while you're at
it. Let's make this thing more predictable. #8 is
Gregory Helms, which I know because it's yelled
out it at the beginning of his song. "GENERIC
MIDCARDER!" was originally suggested, but they went
with the name roll-call instead. Good choice. #9 is
Shelton Benjamin. THERE AIN'T NO STOPPING HIM NOW.
Later? Most definitely. #10 is Kane, and he enters
as a house of fire...that he lit...and killed his
parents in! Oh wait. That was Undertaker. I'm losing
track of my ridiculous fake wrestling continuity
Kane tosses Dreamer out.
Sabu follows suit by being chokeslammed through the
very table he set up at ringside. Who'd have thunk
it? #11 is CM Punk. Finlay immediately goes after
him in maybe the most ironic spot of the night. (If
Arn wasn't passed out somewhere, I'm sure he'd be
high fiving (fouring?) everyone around him). #12 is
King Booker. He tosses Gregory Helms. Poor Gregory.
At least he's still "the longest reigning champion
in Sports entertainment because Vince forgot there
even was a cruiserweight title". Or something. # 13
is Super Crazy, the man who recently scored an
impressive win over Super Shitty (Chris Masters).
#14 is Jeff Hardy, and sadly there's no time to swat
the swarm of invisible bees from himself during his
intro because he's all business. #15 is Sandman,
whose intro hilariously lasts longer then he did.
(he's almost immediately tossed by Booker after
getting a few cane shots off.). ENTER SANDMAN. EXIT
#16 is Randy Orton.
The Human Chinlock Machine immediately joins up with
Edge and they toss Super Crazy out and over. It's
just then I laugh to myself picturing INS agents
following Rated RKO's example, and throwing Crazy
over a fence back into Mexico. I then notice I'm by
myself and stop, because it looks insane, or dare I
say super crazy. Hardys then go out in succession to
Rated RKO. #17 is Chris Benoit, The Rabid Wolverine.
Normally, when rabid animals attack you, you have to
be euthanized, but the really cool ones give you
multiple Germans (Not this). #18 is RVD and his
educated feet! I for one can't wait for the
inevitable feud with Snitsky in ECW over those very
feet. It'll be awesome, and completely fucking
terrifying. Kane eliminates Booker. Booker then
re-enters and eliminates Kane. HEY, I BET THEY
WRESTLE AT NO WAY OUT...of paying 40 dollars for a
PPV six weeks before Wrestlemania. #19 is Viscera,
the world's largest love machine! Well, until I
finish building mine. Once I get that motor in there
the Robo-Vag 5000 will be fully operational.
#20 is Johnny Nitro. #21 is Kevin
Thorn. Fellow bloodsucker Ariel, is sadly
nowhere to been seen. And it's a shame too, I had
this great "sucking" joke I wanted to use. Oh well.
#22 is THAT MAIN EVENTER, Bob Holly. The future of
ECW! His life Story, "Talladega Nights: The Ballad
Of Bobby Holly" will be available on DVD this
spring. Charisma not included.
#23 is hometown boy Shawn Michaels,
which if recent WWE history says anything doesn't
bode too well for him. For the record, he's still
using the D-X theme. How sad. Win one for the
dumps Finlay out. He then superkicks Viscera, and
everyone gangs up on him to dump him out as well.
#24 is Chris Masters who has a helluva shot
here. Clearly, he just needs to put the ropes in
a Masterlock and he's all set. Clearly. Nitro gets
tossed by Benoit next, presumably because The
Wolverine is taking a stand against Nitro's love of
fur coats and he as a wolverine, is deeply offended.
Fortunately for Benoit, there's no chance of anyone
fashioning him into a coat. There's no
way your arms would ever fit.....
Thorn gets tossed by
Benoit next, and Masters goes out at the hands, err
educated feet of Rob Van Dam. You think his hands
are bitter than only his feet were sent for
post-secondary school education? His hands had
dreams of being a doctor. But alas nothing.
#25 is Chavo Guerrero,
the only man in wrestling history to probably end up
in a worse position after a big push. # 26 is MVP,
whose name pretty much guaranteed he better be good
at sports lest he look pretty damn foolish. #27 is
Carlito. JBL & King lament over how lucky this number is. Oh ya? How 'bout we
bring back those big winners
for next year's Rumble? Hmmm? Yeah. Exactly.
#28 is Great Khali, the
many who along with the "American Bash", is changing
the literal definition of "Great" to umm,
kinda the complete opposite of that. Anyway,
everyone in the ring stops what they're doing, and
attack Khali, but he's dishing out headbutts and
BRAIN CHOPS. I'd say go ahead and give the Creative
team one too, but as the Zombie found out last
Summer, going for their brains is a futile venture.
#29 is Miz who gets immediately tossed by Khali. I
take it all back. Khali is Great. Kill
whomever you want, big man! Khali then starts
dumping out superstars left and right including RVD,
CM Punk, Chavo Guerrero & Chris Benoit. #30 is
The Undertaker. He and Khali go at it, picking up
right where they left off last spring during their
vaunted and celebrated Worst of Everything series.
Undertaker, no sells the brain chop, and manages to
clothesline Khali out and over. I hope they're not
paying Khali by the bump here. Those people back in
that village he sends his money to might have to
start eating each other. Undertaker dumps MVP out
after an Old School, which was hilarious if only
because you can see the looks of horror on the faces
of everyone in the front row who gasped at Taker's
stupid move of going to the top rope in a fucking
This just leaves
Undertaker, HBK, Edge & Orton left. Orton gets a
chair and wears out Taker with it, opening him up.
Edge then looks like he's going to blindside Orton
with a spear, but Orton catches him, and Edge stops.
Orton then hits HBK with an RKO and Michaels rolls
to the floor for what seemed to be an eternity.
Rated RKO then double teamed Taker and look to give
him the conchairto, but HBK returns to the ring, and
dumps both Orton and Edge out in short order. This
just leaves Taker & HBK left. It's a dead-heat
in the huge receding forehead 500, and something has
The two men then put on a
fucking amazing psychological spectacle. Undertaker
brings up his current theories of Psychosomatic
Medicine, but HBK counters that debate with his very
own thesis on Psychoneuroendocrinology. Or maybe
they just teased eliminations left and right.
Whichever. All I know is, seriously, this may have
been the single best Rumble finale EVER, based on
the work of these two masters. Eventually, after
escaping elimination after surviving each other's
signature moves, HBK goes for one last chin music
attempt on Taker, who's standing on the apron, but
Taker grabs the foot and dumps him over to win the
Winner: Undertaker. About
time they elevated this youngster. Now he can
hopefully make name for himself at Wrestlemania! Ah,
I kid. Taker's fucking awesome. (HBK as
-Show ends with Taker
celebrating, as HBK walks down the aisle dejected.
Perhaps he chose the wrong long-haired dude with the
ability to resurrect himself from death to worship.
I mean, Undertaker can SHOOT LIGHTNING. Jesus
usually just limits his miracles to wine and fish. I
think we have a winner. And yes, this is how I'm
going out here.
You know, when technology advances enough to shrink
cellular phones to the size of an actual cell, it
would probably be a good idea to clone a bunch of
them, because man, those things are going to be
really easy to lose....
Oh, you meant on the Royal
Rumble. Awesome stuff. I think I may have enjoyed
this show more than anything else I've watched in a
long time. Even more than porn. Although, in
practice they are kind of similar. Sweaty, half
naked people laying on top of each other. Only in
porn, they do it for more than three seconds. Wish I
could say the same.
Two thumbs up.