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By James Walker and Joe Merrick.


In light of the recent RVD & Sabu drug bust, TWF’s own Joe Merrick & James Walker felt it necessary to discuss such events on MSN. Below are their thoughts.


Joe: I seriously want to see that court proceedings


James: *Sabu triple jumps into the stand*


Joe:  RVD: You remember a time, where RVD had a vocabulary of more than dude, and whatever? Well now it looks like I need to learn 'Guilty!'


James: I can see the judge about to make his ruling, and sabu just throws a chair at him


Joe: Fonzy jumping about with a whistle


Joe: imagine the witnesses


James: Beulah: IT'S TOMMY'S!!!


Joe: Tazz: Well...here comes the sentence!


James: Justin Credible: That's not the greatest.. that's not the best. That's Justin Credible...ly large amount of jail time!


Joe: Lawyer: Mr Heyman, will you please come to the stand...Mr Heyman are you crying?

Heyman: No, I was just smoking a joint in the back with RVD...oh shit

RVD: Way to go, you fat fuck


Joe: 'I got two words for you...NOT FREAKIN GUILTY'


James: Next ECW PPV: "Barely Legal... in 17 states"


Joe: Lawyer: So, Mr. Brunk, what do you have to say for yourself?

*Sabu Points upward*

Everyone: Huh? *Looks*

*Lights go out, and Sabu runs out of the courtroom*


James: Fonzie: "I'm declaring the chokeslam legal for one night only!"

Judge: "You know, we're probably just going to fine them..."




James: Judge: State your name for the record.

Balls Mahoney, and the jurors: Balls, Balls, Balls, Balls... BAAALLLLS!

Joe: brings his own witness chair to sit in


James: When a mistrial is called, RVD and Sabu get the whole coutroom to celebrate, caving in the floor


Joe: Sabu goes to shake RVD's hand but RVD walks out


James: RVD brings in the MITB briefcase, and defends himself with his educated feet.


Joe:  Lawler is..no wait, they wouldn’t let him in


James: He'd hang around the juvenile court room


James: Lawyer: Exhibit A! This bag of marijuana I hold before my face was found in Mr. Szatowski's vehicle -

*RVD spin kicks it into his face*


Joe: no wait, he thinks its Cena, so he misses completely

Send feedback to James Walker  

James Walker is pretty much the best thing ever. I mean, sure, there's been Terminator, grilled cheese sandwiches, and naked women storms, but TWF's resident comic relief takes the cake. Seriously, he actually goes to children's birthday parties and grabs it just as it's being brought out. Never the less, a proud owner of a Golden Tenay and an incredibly large penis, James Walker strives for one thing in life: RACIAL EQUALITY, NIGGUH.

Joe Merrick is NOT AN ANIMAL. So enough of the Elephant man business, and more about what he is: winner of the 2005 Satire Search, after defeating literally DOZENS of hopefuls to become TWF's top British writer. He also hunts emos for sport.


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November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).