RANT ARCHIVE (September 2008)
RAW RANT ARCHIVE (September 2008)
WWE RAW RANT: (09/01/08) By Cameron Burge Cameron Burge is TWF's resident "Mr. Monday Night", penning the "Best Damn Raw Rant, Period"
appearing every..umm, Monday night. That's right. Also known as "The REAL Inferno" (not to be confused with all those
impostors out there) Cameron was hand picked by Michael Melchor himself to assume any and all RAW responsibilities. A
selfless man, Cameron has also dedicated most of his organs to science. (which makes his current day to day life
quite uncomfortable.) Read his Raw
Reports or die. Cameron Burge is TWF's resident "Mr. Monday Night", penning the
"Best Damn Raw Rant, Period" appearing every..umm, Monday night. That's right. Also known as "The REAL Inferno" (not
to be confused with all those impostors out there) Cameron was hand picked by Michael Melchor himself to assume any and all
RAW responsibilities. A selfless man, Cameron has also dedicated most of his organs to science. (which makes his current day
to day life quite uncomfortable.) Read his Raw
Reports or die.
Tonight’s Raw is dedicated in memory of Killer Kowalski…..and then immediately switches to commercials with no actual Raw showing. So. Gay. Then suddenly we cut back to Orton walking down the announcer. Somebody fucked up somewhere. Way to fail. Why it had to be Orton we zoom in on is beyond me. Apparently they find it necessary to zoom in on his watch as he still has his arm in a sling, but the watch is way more important. He says he is still injured and has something he needs to get off his chest and Raw is only as strong as its champion, like how Raw was awesome with him as Champ. Lolwut? He says Raw is now a joke, starting with the Women’s Champion, calling her a lovesick teenager and this isn’t 90210. Oh I see what he did there! Mentioning a show that’s old but suddenly getting renewed now…He calls Santino the weakest IC champ in the history of the WWE. He says he could beat Santino with his broken clavicle, then calls the tag champs Worthless for losing their belts. Orton says CM Punk was wrestling in no name towns for a no name organization until recently. ECW? He says he would love to challenge for the belt tonight.
CM Punk comes out and says he doesn’t drink, smoke, or pop wheelies on motorcycles and kick his own ass. He calls Orton an afterthought. Actually, I never really find myself thinking of Orton after I have a thought. He calls Orton jealous which offends him. Orton is eventually sent off along his way but JBL arrives to save the day. Hey look that rhymed. JBL rambles on for a bit about winning when all I can really ponder is why does he wear that jacket and not pants? If he’s cold, wouldn’t it be beneficial to then put on some pants as well? Kane eventually comes out and says he’s been to hell didn’t see JBL’s clothesline anywhere. This crowd is messed up, they cheer for fucking everything everyone says, good or bad. Kane says Mysterio won’t be in the match or here tonight. Batista interrupts and spears everyone. What a dick.
Random Commercial Thought: Mickie James is going to be on Psych…..because why?
Back to the show. The Championship scramble participants will take part in a battle royal tonight and so will the ECW champion contenders…yay…..and here is…Charlie Cena coming to the ring? He says the Haas is here and we can’t se him, thank God. I was hoping I might have to.
Charlie Haas vs. Kofi Kingston
Haas actually manages to level Kingston and goes for the Five Knuckle Shuffle but when he taunts, Kofi just kicks him in the forehead and proceeds to absolutely destroying him with every signature move he has until he runs into a big boot after the Boom Boom Boom. Haas tries an FU but Kingston rolls him up. Haas rolls through with the ropes but its so blatant it doesn’t work and he eats the Trouble in Paradise.
Hope you didn’t blink because it’s time for more commercials already.
Random Commercial Thought: Banging Cock is very dangerous.
Back to the show. Orton runs into Cody and Ted in the back and Orton asks Cody if he remembers how he slapped dusty in the face. Cody says yes and is about to respond when Orton bitchslaps him hardcore. He tells them to grow some balls and get their belts back. Adamle is in the back with Teddy Long and some bitch I don’t know. They talk about the battle royals. Adamle says this is like a Jerry Lewis Telethon without the sick kids. This causes an awkward moment when Kane arrives. He wants to know what rock Rey crawled out from under. Adamle says he made the announcement hoping that Rey will come back anyway.
Off to ringside as Matt Hardy arrives. He’s followed by Finlay and his midget which does nothing but bring me scary memories of having Hornswoggle on Raw.
Random Commercial Thought: Forbidden Kingdom was freaking terrible, just so bad it made me want to hurt someone. The only redeeming quality is that someone who worked on the movie had the name “Dick Tso Kin”.
Back to the show. You have to be kidding me that the Miz is going to be in the Scramble. Seriously? What. The. Hell. Is that a elephant on Henry’s back?
ECW Scramble Battle Royal
Everyone gangs up on Henry and attacks, beating the shit out of him. Henry starts clubbing back and tosses them all off like he’s Goku doing a force push. Miz and Hardy double team with a double DDT and start dropping elbows while Chavo and Finley brawl until Finlay uses Chavo as a weapon to beat Henry with. Chavo gets hit by the Celtic Cross and Miz goes to eliminate Finlay but Hardy delivers a side effect. Hardy tries to eliminate both but utterly fails. Story of his life. Henry eventually eliminates both Chavo and Miz simultaneously and body splashes Finlay, kicking Hardy around like a pussy. Crowd is hot for Hardy who is just chilling until he dodges a corner charge. Finlay and Hardy try to dump him but fail and Henry tosses Finlay. Hardy starts to attack Henry and delivers punches and dropkicks. Her jumps out of the corner with a double axe handle and tries the Twist of Fat but Henry just tosses him out of it over the ropes.
Random Commercial Thought: For 100 years they have been moving America…which means soon we’ll be bumping against England, and they’ll start breeding with us and fucking up our teeth.
Back to the show. Jamie Noble actually gets an introduction this time as he tells Layla he’s gonna do it this time. Layla sits off to the side and looks pretty while Regal arrives. Regal’s little Elton John vest cracks me up.
William Regal vs. Jamie Noble
Regal just destroys Noble and tosses him all around the ring, grinding his knee into the face. Regal puts on a Full Nelson that is totally not a Masterlock. Noble kicks and elbows out only for Regal to try and pin him but Noble reverses it for two. Regal just decks him with a left hand. Regal nails a running knee in the corner and stomps him down. Back to the full nelson, this time doing a full nelson suplex. Noble small packages Regal for the win.
Random Commercial Thought: Night Elfs should all have Mohawks.
Back to the show. Jillian is in the ring which means it’s time to find that mute button. Her partners are there too, but she is singing about doing something we want her to do, take off all her clothes. That would make this more tolerable at least. Mickie comes to the ring to save all ears everywhere. Beth arrives last and wants Randy Orton to take a close look at this. She rants about herself for a bit. Candice Michelle appears (level 42) to shut her up.
Mickie James & Kelly Kelly & Candice Michelle vs. Women’s Champion Beth Phoenix & Jillian Hall & Katie Lea Burchill (Six-woman Tag Match)
Katie starts off with Kelly and works her down to the mat for a quick two count. Kelly backflips out of a leg grab and dropkicks before tagging in Mickie. Mickie comes off the top with her lou thesz press which is the only bad way to get your head between her thighs. Mickie finds herself forced to the corner and Jillian tags in. Mickie tries to fight her way free and delivers a head scissors to Jillian, but before she can, Beth pulls her off, causing it to bomb. Jillian pressures her with suplexes. Beth tags in and does a basic pummeling before tagging back out to Katie. Katie is only in a bit before tagging in Jillian and delivering a double team that utterly backfires. Mickie tries to crawl to the corner but Beth is in. Mickie breaks away to the tag anyway and Candice starts fighting off Beth. There is the most awkward stupid head scissors ever and they both fuck it up bad. Candice just looks terribly sloppy while she attacks. It’s bad. Real bad.
Candice goes up top but the heels try to pull her down only for the face divas to stop them. Candice lands a cross body and Beth rolls through, lifting her up only to get rolled up by Candice. Hmm, I think I just saw this…
Winners: Kelly, Candice & Mickie
There’s a very long video package about Jericho and Michaels to try and hype the contract signing that absolutely no one cares about.
Random Commercial Thought: You can hurl lightning by getting a stun glove.
Back to the show. Santino says Randy Orton is a son of a gun, which begs the question of how a gun could have possibly had sex with Bob Orton. Santino debuts the Honk-a-meter in which he will try to make it 62 more weeks and become the greatest IC champ of all time. His opponent for tonight is the spirit of the 90’s, D’Lo.
D’Lo Brown vs. Intercontinental Champion Santino Marella (Non-title Match)
Santino goes to D’Lo hard and pummels him to the corner but D’Lo delivers a bitch slap. Santino fights back and comes off the rope by a side dropkick levels him. D’Lo crushes Santino in the corner for two and dodges a dropkick from Santino. D’Lo delivers a shining wizard (the fuck?) and goes up top with the Lo Down, but Santino dodges and pins for three.
Random Commercial Thought: The commercial for Mercenaries 2 is funny as hell.
Back to the show. Apparently the Miz didn’t get enough ass kicking earlier and is out with Morrison to take on Cryme Tyme who come with their belts to make it ever so convenient for someone to steal them back hmmm….
The match doesn’t even get started before Miz and Morrison fight them on the ramp and Cody and Ted attack from behind. It doesn’t end well, with JTG getting a DDT onto the belt. Does anyone else find it odd that Cody and Ted use words like “hoodlum” if their gimmick is being young and cocky? Last I checked young people aren’t afraid to cuss and be jackasses and use words more current than the 1920’s. They eventually meet Orton in the back after an interview with Batista that is pointless and just nod or something lame like that. You can feel the lack of charisma sucking us in. Off to ringside where Batista is on the way in.
Random Commercial Thought: Bush isn’t that fat.
Back to the show with the rest of the entrants, minus Mysterio getting it on.
Raw Scramble Battle Royal (Minus Rey Mysterio)
Punk pairs off with Batista getting his ass kicked while Kane takes down JBL Batista has Punk rocking but his momentum gets turned against him and he very quickly is sent to the floor. JBL knocks down Kane and breaks away only to run himself out as well in much the same manner. Punk proceeds to have his ass handed to him on a silver platter by Kane. Kane does that lame “I’m holding you up but trying to dump you” thing and the crowd chants 619. Kane misses a corner charge and takes three Pepsi Ones. Kane then just casually clotheslines him back. Punk stops another elimination and tries he GTS, but Kane grabs the ropes and tosses him. Punk lands on the apron and springboards back in only to be choke slammed over the ropes.
Orton was at ringside and stares Punk down after applauding and Punk knocks his ass out. Cue Rey Mysterio whom no one bothered to tell when his match was I guess so he’s really late. Rey goes for the legs on Kane and delivers a dropkick to his face before takes out his legs and mashing his face to the mat then mounting for some punches. Kane tosses him off but Kane gets tripped, but he dodges the 619. Mysterio delivers a dropkick through the ropes and Kane tries a power bomb on the outside. Mysterio flips out and pushes him face first into the ring post then delivers a 619 around the post. Awesome. Kane tries a chokes lame on the ring barricade and Mysterio escapes with a hurricanrana.
Random Commercial Thought: I had to take a shit. Sue me.
Since I was too busy taking an EPIC crap and missed most of this final segment. I can pretty much imagine it all for you and here it is:
Shawn Michaels: “Blah blah blah my eye blah blah blah my wife blah blah blah gay porn blah blah Jesus blah blah hurt you.”
Jericho: “Yabber yabber yabber your fault yabber yabber yabber no one pays attention to me yabber yabber yabber I’m like Weegee yabber yabber yabber your wife’s fault.”
Something like that. Where I cam in, they made all the security leave the ring and had an exchange of words that involved talking more about their families and mutilating each other like it’s the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Shawn says he will tell his kids one day of the day he was close to turning the other cheek (to get that eye fucked up to?) but instead decided to kick Evil’s ass. Oh, so now he’s the embodiment of evil? He says it will rain down on Jericho at Unforgiven and with no Remorse (which is basically the same thing as unforgiven which isn‘t even a freaking word). He says he hopes God will forgive him someday for what he will do to him. God doesn’t forgive Pro Wrestling for what it did to good writing. Cade then tries to attack from behind but gets his ass kicked. Jericho pulls Michaels out of the ring on his head and Michaels gets pissed so he destroys Cade some more as Jericho makes a break for it and the show goes off the air.
Highlight of the Night: Mysterio comes back with some very entertaining maneuvers, showing he should put on a good performance in the Scramble this Sunday.
Lowlight of the Night: The contract signing was the most boring and pointless thing ever and I didn’t even see it all.
WWE “Creative” Award: Batista is a man of few (Read: Zero) words and he will “destroy everyone”…..and then be eliminated first?
The show opens with….the cage? That’s right we’re going to open the show with the cage match so that everything else can feel shallow and unimportant I guess. That’s kind of weird. Michael Cole is rubbernecking like he’s never seen a steel cage in his life before while Jillian explains the rules for those of you who only started watching wrestling yesterday. CM Punk is first out. Wearing his belt and arm bandage to the ring, Jericho looks like some kind of gay, pants less, Cowboy Bob Orton. While Jericho takes his dear sweet time getting to the ring they replay how he won the belt.
CM Punk vs. World Heavyweight Champion Chris Jericho (World Heavyweight Title Cage Match)
Whoever decided too men rubbing their noses together like Eskimos and scowling is a good way t show they hate each other should probably rethink their outlook on life. Punk goes straight to the arm and starts to kick Jericho around the ring. Rather than use the cage, he proceeds to fight normally for a while but when he tosses Jericho to a corner he tries to run away and climb the cage quickly. Punk catches him and walks the ropes as they fight up high, punching each other lightly. Jericho finally just gets kicked in the head and falls down. Punk tries to climb out ever so slow and Jericho drags him back in. The crowd is rallying big for Punk. Back on the ground finally and more kicks from Punk. Side dropkick levels Jericho and sets up for the Pepsi One. The bulldog hits and Punk signals a GTS. Jericho grabs the ropes and blocks so Punk dumps him over into the cage instead. Lulz, FU.
Random Commercial Thought: SCRATCHY TOWELS? OMFG!
Back to the match. During the break Punk tried to crawl out the door but Jericho dragged him back by the legs and started to work them with ankle locks. Take that Angle. Punk tries a drop kick but Jericho rebounds with a trip into the Walls of Jericho. I tripped into the Walls of Jericho once but some Jew with a horn broke them before I got hurt. Punk crawls along the mat and actually makes it to the door. He starts to climb out and is flailing to the floor with Jericho only holding one leg, but Jericho finally catches the door and shuts it on Punk’s head. Punk rallies back finally with lots of hard kicks to the chest, grounding Jericho but when he charges in, he gets slung into the cage head first. It’s worth noting that if you ever see a steel cage rushing toward your face, you should turn around. Jericho climbs to the top but Punk rushes up and catches him for a GTS from the top. Jericho slips free but they knock head to the cage and fall. Punk
picks up a two count.
Jericho rallying back now as I wonder why the fuck these guys climb so damn slow when they move so quickly the rest of the time. All wrestlers never learned to climb. Punk stops another Jericho escape attempt with an Electric Chair Drop. Both men crawl for the door and Jericho just….sort of tumbles out the door when Punk head butts him. Wow.
Random Commercial Thought: Everyone should play pokemon. Raising little monsters for bloodsport is not a kids game.
Back to the show where Adamle is talking to some random schmuck in the back when he runs into Jericho and Jericho whines about No Mercy because he’s too tired. Aw. Elsewhere, Bald Kane gets a slow 360 degree angle to his mask as the crowd freaks for it. Someone forgot to give him his makeup to make it look cool. Kane says he was forced to remove his mask and no one forces him to do anything. He says he did it to be accepted. What? I remember it being completely different. Bullshit. The old Kane theme plays while he rants and whines like a bald bitch. He also talks about how we all wear masks. Wow, existentialism from a hulking psychopath? That would have made Leather face a much deeper character I suppose. As he’s ranting he’s interrupted by Evan Bourne who wants to say Rey is going to beat him tonight. Kane just laughs. I almost didn’t even remember who Evan Bourne was he’s so damned generic looking. GET A PERSONALITY. Also for our listening
pleasure, Jillian is singing Elvis songs.
Random Commercial Thought: Ah, a sweet temporary escape.
Aaaand back to the horrid singing. God I wish this gimmick was over. Candice finally stops it by coming out but she’s being followed by Beth who goes to sit at ringside.
Candice Michelle vs. Jillian Hall
Candice tries to fail less than she did last time around at Botchamania. She lands a springboard forearm, but Jillian rallies back with a Samoan drop and starts pulling hair and working her into the ropes. Full Nelson from Jillian with lots of annoying screaming and utter apathy from the crowd. Candice escapes by dropping to her ass and the announcers try to talk to cover the completely silence from the crowd during this matchup. They should get some cricket. Candice comes back and screams and the crowd screams back for a moment. She delivers a dropkick or something like that for two. Jillian comes back with a back body drop while the crowd is beginning to wonder when the fuck this will end. Cartwheel, handspring elbow from Jillian and Candice “catches” her before winning with the “Candy Wrapper” if that’s what her finisher is called I guess.
Candice invites Beth into the ring and when she tries to get in, she just dropkicks her back out. Cheap bitch. Beth decides to say fuck it and just leaves.
Random Commercial Thought: Strydex has two solutions. Hopefully you only have two problems.
Back to the show.
JBL is here. Tommy Dreamer is here, or rather, what is left of Tommy Dreamer’s career is.
Tommy Dreamer vs. JBL
Tommy gets his ass kicked for a while with big boots and rights. Dreamer delivers a kick to the gut and a neck breaker in seemingly slow motion for a two count. Dreamer whips JBL into the ropes but JBL ducks the clothesline and delivers a Clothesline from Hell. COD.
Jibble grabs a chair and brings it out but just sets it down open in the ring and has a seat for a moment before getting a microphone. He demands to be the #1 contender for the title or he won’t leave until Adamle says so….and he sits there….commercial time!
Random Commercial Thought: And now a word from our sponsors which are not steroid companies. Nope.
Back to the show where JBL is whining that he deserves a title shot more than anyone. Orton’s voices interrupt him instead. I have voices in my head too. I can’t understand what they’re saying though because they speak Spanish. They should gets jobs. Orton talks about how JBL is no better than Punk and when he finally gets his shot he’ll be the only credible title holder. Marella and Beth interrupt for Santino to say that Orton is injured as often as his father meanwhile Santino’s dad’s worst case was herpes that he managed quite nicely. Too bad it wasn’t crabs. They could have boiled and ate them. Santino demands an apology. Orton says he can beat him with or without an injury but JBL demands an apology too. He brings up knocking out Batista, which of course coaxes Batista out. Batista has something to say before kicking everyone’s ass. I don’t know, I think Beth can take him. He says this is the most pathetic thing he’s ever scene
and tries to make social commentary. He goes on to threaten to Kick. Everyone’s. Ass. He offers Beth Phoenix a title shot but not Santino. I’d pay to see that. Adamle attempts to diffuse the situation and Batista decides to make his case now. Santino gets a spine buster as everyone else leaves and Beth bitchslaps Batista. Dyaaaaamn. He gets back up in her face and she slaps him again. When he tries to leave she pulls him back and so she eats a spine buster.
In the back, Orton bumps into the tag team champs and their Samoan Slave boy.
Random Commercial Thought: Quarantine looks to be a hit or miss movie. We’ll see.
Back to the show where the champs and Manu are out (of the closet in those outfits). They will be taking on Kofi Kingston and….Jerry the King Lawler? Oh…my…god. I want to cry now….and Jim Ross? Oh…it’s Jim Haas. This is…oh Jesus. He spouts every Jim Ross joke possible but it goes over like a lead balloon. Speaking of lead balloons, that’s what it looks like he tucked under his shirt.
Kofi Kingston & Jerry Lawler & Charlie Haas vs. Manu & World Tag Team Champions Cody Rhodes & Ted Dibiase
Kingston starts off with Manu and seems to have the advantage. Manu quickly tags out to Cody who gets his ass owned with a hip toss. Kingston drags him to the corner and tags out to King who delivers a big right and a back body drop and the World’s Oldest Dropick. Cody comes back with a short punch and a big bulldog for two. They try some mat wrestling but Lawler bends about as well as a steel rod. Jim Haas gets on the microphone for a bit for commentary before Jerry escapes and tags him in. Haas delivers some strong shots to Dibiase as he tags in and belly flops for two. Wow. Cody breaks up the count and Jerry and Kingston eliminate Cody and Many. Haas tries to deliver an Oklahoma Stampede but Dibiase slips out into a Russian Leg Sweep for the win.
Winners: Rhodes, Dibiase, Manu
Video footage of Smackdown plays, which is kind of pointless since it just wastes our time and affects nothing. Jericho is approached in the back by JBL about a title shot but he says he remembers who JBL cost him the title against Orton still. He basically tells him to go fuck himself. If he can do this, I might actually like some documentation, but please no pictures.
Random Commercial Thought: New movies from the guy who did Shaun of the Dead? I’m there.
Back to the show. Replay of Jamie Noble and his Gold-digger experience. Noble comes out looking depressed, set to take on Paul Burchill in biker gear. Has he got some kind of thing against the British now?
Paul Burchill w/ Katie Lea vs. Jamie Noble
Noble attacks hard and fast, hammering Burchill into the ground and delivering big reverse elbows. He looks like he’s going Incredible Hulk on him here. Noble delivers several head butts but Burchill manhandles him and delivers some uppercuts. Noble dodges a corner charge and slips outside into a rollover Arm Bar. Wow! I haven’t seen one of those in years.
Winner by fucking submission: Jamie Noble
Noble celebrates how awesome he is. Layla interrupts with a new fake accent and says she is sorry that she took so long to get rid of him. She asks him where he was going to take her and it’s over and now she’s found a man who is worthy of her. Speaking of big dicks (lol) here is William Regal. Ha he rubs it in his face a little while some random redneck chants for USA.
Elsewhere, Cade is talking to Adamle when Batista breaks in and demands to be the number one contender. Cade asks him what makes him thinks it’s him and gets his ass tossed around. Cade is looking more and more like he belongs on Home Make-over these days.
Random Commercial Thought: There is no cow level.
Back to the show where Kane is coming to the ring, but without his mask which is full of failure. To keep teasing putting on his mask at this point is just annoying. Rey follows him out to the ring and Kane is grinning and chuckling. I guess he just remember a really funny dead baby joke. What’s worse than a hundred dead babies stapled to a tree? One dead baby stapled to a thousand trees.
Rey Mysterio vs. Kane
Kane tries to catch Rey early on and when Rey goes for a headscissors, he can’t bring him down, Kane just holding him upside down. Rey flips up into mounted punches and brings Kane down only to begin getting stomped around himself. Kane tosses Rey to the floor who doesn’t even seem phased. Kane goes to follow only for Rey to flip in and kick him to the floor as we go to commercial.
Random Commercial Thought: It’s a little known fact that William Shatner is in fact a ninja.
Back to the show where during the break Kane took a Tornado DDT on the outside but is now grounding Rey with a headlock. Nothing says sadistic like a headlock. Just ask anyone on death row. Rey escapes and comes back with mounted punches in the corner, running back in each time Kane tries to throw him off. Kane finally slides Rey along the ground to smack belly first into the ring post. Kane goes on offense and kicks Rey all around the ring while the crowd chants 619. Finally, Kane hangs himself up in the corner with a running kick. Rey attacks the leg and uses that little body scissor into bull dog thing he does a lot and picks up two. Kane takes a head scissors into the corner and Rey goes up top as slow as he possibly can. He must have got pointers from the cage match. Kane just catches him out of a cross body but Rey escapes and delivers an enziguiri setting up the 619 but he runs right into a clothesline. Kane proceeds to stomp Rey until he gets
Kane tries to tear off Rey’s mask but Evan Bourne rushes in and makes the save with fast drop kicks, both he and Rey delivering some high flying offense to punish Kane before they escape. In the back, Jericho and Cade run into some random dude who’s name I still didn’t catch. He just screams “Unimportant”. They practically ignore his introduction as well as we go to commercial.
Random Commercial Thought: Everybody knows Snoop Dogg is too high to play video games.
Back to the show which only has about three minutes actually left. Cade randomly gets announced BEFORE Jericho which is kind of funny as I can’t even remember the last match Cade had on Raw. Was it against Paul London? Jericho says he believe JBL should face Batista at No Mercy and then he faces the winner immediately after, saying he had to go through the same thing and is the best in the World. He’s also in a league of his own….with Rosie O’ Donnel? Adamle keeps stumbling over his words as he tries to tell us what is happened. My God, get to the point and shut the fuck up. Basically he doesn’t want Batista and JBL to fight Jericho after their match. Instead they will fight him later but first Jericho will defend his title on No Mercy against…………extremely fucking long pause is here. ….In fact it just keeps going let’s go. The crowd is getting pissed and Booing their asses off now as they wait and begin to chant for HBK. Finally, when the crowd gets that hint, Shawn Michaels comes out. Oh wow. I’m shocked. /sarcasm. Michaels teases what his match type will be and has to be reminded by some stage hands what type of match it is by having them bring out a ladder. Gosh. I wonder what type of match it is. Meanwhile, Shawn is climbing the ladder. We’re running really late right now. Oh, it’s a ladder match.
Highlight of the Night: The Cage match was great and entertaining though it sold Punk a little short, making him look awkward as he didn’t appear on the show again at all.
Lowlight of the Night: Every time the crowd went silent. It was dreadfully obvious they paced the show badly and the crowd echoed this frustration.
WWE “Creative” Award: If Shawn is allowed to challenge for the title despite “quitting” and only being allowed to wrestle an unsanctioned match before, it makes no sense he wasn’t allowed to be in the Scramble over Jericho.
WWE RAW RANT: (09/01/08) By Cameron Burge
Cameron Burge is TWF's resident "Mr. Monday Night", penning the "Best Damn Raw Rant, Period" appearing every..umm, Monday night. That's right. Also known as "The REAL Inferno" (not to be confused with all those impostors out there) Cameron was hand picked by Michael Melchor himself to assume any and all RAW responsibilities. A selfless man, Cameron has also dedicated most of his organs to science. (which makes his current day to day life quite uncomfortable.) Read his Raw Reports or die.
THE TWF "MENTAL WELLNESS TEST!"
With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).