We’re back for another
round of WWE Nexus - The Show! Also there might be
wrestling. But probably not. Has anyone else noticed
that Nexus has a lot of weird, goofy finishers? No
wonder they hype Gabriel’s 450 over everything else.
Oh no not a fireman carry! I’m ascared!
opens with recaps of the last two week’s
developments with Nexus. Oh yay, another John Cena
movie is coming out, this one is actually making it
to theatres again I guess. Cena title run to
coincide with the movie’s release? Likely. After
several minutes of painfully slow recapping, Edge
opens things up for us. Edge says everyone lets him
down and he’s tried, so he should just listen to his
gut. It’s telling him to get some Arby’s. He says
he’s challenging Wade to a one on one match and no
interference should be allowed. He’s interrupted in
the middle of his speech by R-Truth. Truth is
straight muggin’ on Edge. Oh God, he actually says
“ax” instead of ask? Truth tells him that he must be
fucking crazy to think beating Wade will work. He
says he better listen to him if not Cena. He’s
giving some kind of weird “we’re fighting for our
freedom” speech as if the Nexus is as threatening as
the NWO was.
Edge says that his version of
the Truth is that to kill a snake, you chop the head
off, so if he beats Wade it should crush Nexus. I’m
pretty sure there are other ways to kill a snake you
know. Drowning works. We get an AIM message when
Edge threatens Truth. The GM orders Truth out of the
ring because the Wade match is now.
Commercial Thought: And by now, I mean, commercials.
Back to the show for the match.
Wade Barrett vs. Edge
Wade chucks Edge
to the floor, but a cheap shot allows Edge to come
back in safely. He kicks Wade to the floor who has
this way of selling things like a little kid who has
been hit, or as if he’s drunk. Edge rams Wade in the
corner and picks up a one count. Wade delivers a
running boot to Edge off the ropes and it’s so
sloppy he decides to do this spot TWICE and kicks
Edge off the apron with it. Edge is slammed into the
edge of the ring a couple of times before Wade
tosses him back in for more stomps and kicks. Wade
works a rest hold because he’s blown up already I
guess. Edge fights free ad they clothesline each
other. Edge comes back with the Edge-o-matic for
Edge decides to go to the top rope
despite having no top rope moves. Gee, I wonder I
he’ll be knocked off. Wade meet him up top and
carries Edge into his finisher, but Edge counters
into the Edge-u-cution DDT then sets up for the
spear. Wade runs to the floor rather than get
speared by the obvious move. Wade shakes his head
and signals so Nexus arrives and chases Edge into
the crowd who runs like a little baby chicken wimp.
Winner: Um…Wade? I guess? By Countout? Hell if I
Non-finish for the win? All I ask is
for consistency in the rules that declares a winner.
Is that so much to ask for in your fake sports, huh?
Random Commercial Thought: Little River Band is too
hardcore for you. Like the Legend of the Rent.
Back to the show. Edge is bitching and looking for
Cena in the back. When he finds him, he demands to
know why he didn’t help. Cena said he was listening
and leaving him alone so Edge quits. Jericho then
arrives to tell Cena to quit too and challenges him
to a match to stay on the team. Cena accepts
reluctantly and then we get a replay about Bret at
Summerslam against Mr. Perfect. Morrison is talking
to Khali about sticking together. It somehow ends up
being about the seven dwarves. Morrison leaves and
Nexus approaches to say they respect Khali and that
Cena doesn’t. They offer him a spot on Nexus and
leave. His handler tells him to think about it. More
commercials? I’ll have another.
Commercial Thought: I rule the air with an iron
blimp. It hasn’t really flown that well.
to the show. A diva’s six-girl tag match? Oh dear
god, somebody must hate me.
Alicia Fox & Jillian Hall & Tamina
vs. Gail Kim & Eve Torres & Natalya
Jillian tosses Gail around all angry and picks up a
two count off of a hair toss. She pulls the hair
some more and delivers a backbreaker for two. Alicia
tags in and kicks Gail some more before delivering a
northern lights suplex for two. Jillian refuses to
tag Alicia and Gail comes back, dropping her on her
face. Natalya tags in and crushes her with a
clothesline and suplex. Natalya dropkicks the back
of the head and puts her down with a scoop slam and
chicken wing suplex pin. Nice work, all solidly
done. Gail has to cut off Tamina and Jillian takes
her out after an outside dive by tossing her into
the ring post hard. Tamina crushes Eve from behind
but back in the ring, Natalya is putting on a
sharpshooter. Tamina has to be stopped first though,
allowing a shitting scissor kick from Alicia where
she literally just sat on her.
Actually, except for that
scissor kick where she just kicked the side of
Natalya’s head, it was a pretty good match. Alicia
talks about having beaten everyone and being the
best….except Tamina? She says no one is comparable
to her on the roster and Melina’s music hits.
Jillian throws her back in the ring and Melina
Matrix dodges a clothesline before delivering he
little split legged finisher and declaring herself
to be back. Well. She’s a step up from Eve for sure.
Maybe somebody realized that another match between
Eve and Alicia would probably result in a death.
Random Commercial Thought: Liberals are the devil I
Back to the show where Sheamus is here
to fight Goldust and we get an ECW replay from last
year of these two wrestling as if we care.
WWE Champion Sheamus vs. Goldust (Non-Title Match)
The tie up oddly in the corner and Sheamus slaps him
so Goldust slaps back and starts firing up. Sheamus
blocks the Goldust uppercut with a knee to the head.
Sheamus delivers a running axe handle to Goldust and
delivers his backbreaker that is apparently called
the Irish Curse. I thought the Irish Curse was
drinking heavily. Pro Kick crushes Dusty and things
are finished with the High Cross after a little
Catholic symbolism. Because Catholics are all about
the professional wrestling.
Sheamus cuts a promo about crushing the man he used
to feud with and ending Trip’s career despite Orton
never being able to beat him. Blah blah, I’m
awesome, blah. We see Cena and Jericho prepping for
their match as we go to commercial.
Commercial Thought: If Trips has no career, then why
make a cup of him?
Back to the show where
Jericho is out first, followed by Cena.
John Cena vs. Jericho (Loser Leaves the All-Stars)
Jericho powers Cena into a corner and punches him
out before delivering a suplex. Jericho stays in
control and dumps Cena to the floor who makes it
back in at 9. Jericho pounces back on him with
punches and orders for Cena to stay down. He chokes
Cena out on the ropes. Cena tries to rally back but
is kicked out in the corner by Jericho and hung up
on the bottom rope. It’s kind of funny that Jericho
first starts to climb the ropes before deciding to
go do that instead as if he forgot the spot like he
was Jeff Hardy. Cena comes back with his general
offense now and delivers protobomb. Cena taunts for
the five Knuckle Shuffle and comes off the ropes
into a Code Breaker. Cena falls to the floor and
Jericho carries him back into the ring like an idiot
rather than just winning by count out so he only
picks up two of course. Retard. Why would you do
Random Commercial Thought: That’s my
long answer to everything too. Nooooooooooo- etc.
Back to the match. Cena tries for an STF, but
Jericho blocks it and escapes. Cena tries for an FU
afterward and Jericho grabs the ropes. Cena charges
afterward and Jericho pulls the ropes down, dumping
him to the floor. Jericho stops Cena from climbing
back in with the springboard dropkick. Jericho slaps
him in the back of the head and says, I swear to
God, “You’re a stupid man! Stupid man!” Just shy
from Plan 9 territory there with “Stupid! Stupid
stupid stupid!” Jericho picks up a two count back in
the ring. Jericho ducks Cena’s bulldog and counters
with a right hand into the lionsault for two.
Jericho tries for a superplex and Cena blocks to hit
the guillotine leg drop. Cena hurts his knee in the
effort and picks up two so Jericho puts him into the
Walls. Cena rolls out of it into the STF and Jericho
taps out instantly before the hold is even put on
him. Cena looks confused.
Cena begs him to stay and says Jericho could go toe
to toe with anybody in the ring if he wanted. He
says he won’t beg him (even though he just did).
Jericho seems to be planning to return but walks off
anyway. This episode of Raw brought to you by
Random Commercial Thought:
Take your girlfriend to the Expendables and give her
a healthy dose of testosterone.
talking to Jericho in the back, saying that Cena
needs them, not the other way around. They agree
that they respect each other. Edge says they would
be powerful together. What are they gonna make out?
While they hug like queers, the GM decides to join
us. Next week, Edge and Jericho will take on John
Cena and Bret Hart and Nexus will be standing at
ringside as Lumberjacks. Elsewhere, Orton invites
Sheamus to see him wreck The Miz, and Miz won’t be
in shape to cash in against Sheamus. And next, the
trailer for Cena’s movie. Bathroom break?
Random Commercial Thought: The Covert Affairs chick
The movie is about amateur
wrestling. A movie where John Cena teaches wrestling
to a kid. That’s funny. Never thought I’d see a
movie with Cena and Danny Glover in it. Oh crap, a
Ted Dibaise w/ Maryse vs. The Great
Khali w/ Handler
Khali no sells a hit
and just crushes Dibiase in the corner with punches,
elbows and chops. Dibiase kicks the knees out with a
dropkick and tries a headlock but Khali just tosses
him off into the air and lands a big clothesline.
Dibiase runs to the corner from the brain chop and
Maryse provides a distraction. Dibiase kicks Khali
into the corner while Nexus arrives. This really is
starting to feel like the fucking NWO. Dibiase gets
distracted and takes the brain chop followed by the
vice grip for the win.
is walking through the back with his angry face on
as we go to commercial.
Thought: Things could always be worse. I could be
Back to the show where we get a video
segment about the stars of that Will Ferrell movie
with the Bellas. It’s lame and terrible and doesn’t
need repeating. Miz gets on the microphone and
screams about how pissed he is that Orton stopped
his chance to be champion and demands Orton come get
his ass kicked because he’s awesome.
United States Champion The Miz vs. Randy Orton
Funny joke here
about Miz being the best thing going for his home
town without Lebron anymore. Orton runs Miz over
after some early tie ups and goes to his stalking
stomps. Miz dodges the knee drop and starts to work
it over, picking up a two. Miz pummels Orton in the
corner but runs into a forearm and gets hung up on
the bottom rope. I’ve seen this spot like three
times tonight now. Orton picks up two for himself
with the knee drop and dumps Miz to the floor.
Sheamus appears on the ring ramp as we go to
Random Commercial Thought: I’m
kind of tired of the Shawn Michaels/Undertaker match
Sheamus has remained motionless on the
ring ramp. Orton is working over Miz until he’s
crushed by a huge running kick to the jaw. Miz
starts to stomp on Orton and works a headlocks. Miz
covers for a two count and rakes the eyes while
working another headlock. Orton escapes and delivers
his backbreaker. Orton crashes into the turnbuckle
afterward and Miz signals…something? I guess it’s a
leaping clothesline into the corner which garners a
two count. Miz is dragged out of the corner from
pummeling Orton and Orton comes back with an
uppercut but is knocked right back down. Orton
finally rallies back and crushes Miz to the apron
where he gets the suspended DDT. Miz counters by
slipping through and tossing Orton to the floor.
Miz catches him on his way back into the ring with a
slam for two. Didn’t really see what it was, but I’m
sure it was a move. Miz poises for his finisher and
Orton ducks, spinning out into the RKO and putting
Sheamus tries to
charge the ring, but Orton drops into his RKO taunt
and Sheamus backs off as the show goes off the air.
Quick end, just fades out right after the match.
Highlight of the Night: Miz and Orton put
on a pretty good match, as did Jericho and Cena. The
Divas were even pretty entertaining. This was a
pretty good show overall.
Lowlight of the Night: Alicia Fox
continues to try her best to break someone’s neck.
Maybe that’s the real reason Jillian is pissed at
“Creative” Award: Stop writing Nexus like the
New World Order. That was old back when it was new.