In case you missed MitB
last night, a quick recap for everybody. Kane won
his and cashed it in to take out Rey Mysterio for
the Big Gold Belt. Moving on, The Miz is walking
about with his own briefcase in addition to his belt
and Sheamus beat out Cena when Nexus interfered in
their match. I’m sure you weren’t tired of the
ugliest World Champion since Yokozuna yet. Can you
really blame him for losing? I’ve played Gears of
War 2 and the Nexus was fucking brutal. Nothing else
changed, so rest assured we’re still in petty much
the same boat we were in before on Raw.
Theme and pyro open the
show for us. Brought to you in WWE HD, which is
different from regular HD in that it makes Chris
Benoit not exist. We learn that Wade will take on
Mark Henry tonight before getting on to our first
match which is a #1 Contender’s Match between Orton,
Edge and Jericho. Jericho is taped up on the arm
from the Money in the Bank match. No explanation
given as to why these three are up for the
contendership and none of the other entrants from
Orton vs. Edge. vs. Chris Jericho
Jericho and Edge go after Orton but he fights them
off at first until Jericho gets him from behind. He
also hits him after the buttsex. HEYOOO. They beat
Orton into the corner but he suddenly fights out,
kicking Edge to the floor and slamming Jericho into
the turnbuckle. Edge trips him up from the outside
and Jericho pounces. They start to double team but
Orton counters a suplex attempt into a double DDT.
Orton knee drops Edge multiple times. Jericho nails
a code breaker on Orton and picks up two when Edge
breaks it up. They start to brawl to the floor as
their alliance crumbles and we head off to
Random Commercial Thought: I wish
we had 7-11 stores in this city because I want Rey
Mysterio to fly his ass down here and give me a
Back to the match where Orton
has both Jericho and Edge in the suspended DDT. Edge
slips free to the floor, being able to save the
pinfall on Jericho. Edge tosses Orton to the floor
and picks up his own two count on Jericho. Edge
decides to go beat on Orton against the security
wall. The crowd rallies for Orton and Edge picks up
a two count back in the ring on him. Jericho is
taking his requisite rest on the floor. Jericho
drags Edge from the ring and slams him into the
announce table. Jericho covers Orton with his feet
on the ropes but only gets two. Orton powers back on
Jericho and tries for another suspended DDT, but
Edge comes from behind. Orton counters and drops
Edge for a quick cover. Orton tosses Edge back to
the floor and goes for the suspended DDT, but
Jericho slips free into the Walls. Edge saves the
day with an Edge-u-cution DDT on Jericho for two.
Edge sets up a spear and Jericho counters into a
roll up that he switches into the Walls.
Let’s see if Orton does the RKO to Jericho out of
this and actually manages to hit him this time.
Unfortunately, Edge makes the ropes before we can
see. Edge rolls up Jericho for two and then tosses
him to the floor. Orton sneaks up from behind but
Edge counters the RKO into an Edge-o-matic for two.
Edge sets up another spear which worked so well last
time. Jericho comes out of nowhere from the side to
collide with Edge. Orton rolls up Jericho for two
but Edge rolls up Orton out of it for his own two
count. All three are up and they all three
clothesline each other some how in a bullshit
clusterfuck. Edge is sent to the floor. And Jericho
tosses Orton out of an RKO. Orton dodges a lionsault
and sets up another RKO. For the first time ever, he
hits the RKO out of the set up...and eve hits Edge
with it too. He hit two in a row. I guess that makes
up for the normal way that taunt goes.
Random Commercial Thought: Do Will
Ferrell and Samuel L. Jackson belong in the same
Back to the show where Edge is
still in the ring, demanding Jericho come back out
and confront him or he won’t leave. Jericho finally
arrives looking pretty confused. Edge says their
issues have been going on for eleven years and
they’ve been costing each other matches and injuries
for too much and it has to end tonight. Jericho says
it’s going to end for Edge because Nexus’ success is
his fault for helping Wade. He says if he snaps his
fingers, Nexus will jump and destroy him. Maybe he
should have done this earlier then? Edge says they
would take him if he offered and crush Jericho for
claiming their success is his. Let me get this
straight....we have two former World/WWE champions
begging to be on Nexus? Fuck my life. Wade says
Jericho was right, they would end his career and
they surround him before beating Edge down while
Jericho cackles and jumps around like a giddy little
Jericho puts the walls on while
Nexus watches until Jericho realizes he’s about to
totally get attacked. Don’t run or anything. Wade
says Edge was right too, because they would really
like to shut him up too. Jericho attacks first but
of course that goes about as well as expected.
Random Commercial Thought: So Sheamus could be a
Celtic Warrior on Deadliest Warrior then? I vote him
for the next character addition to the game instead
of Vlad the Impaler. Maybe he could beat the ninja.
Back to the show. Wade is interviewed in the back
saying he’s a super badass or something Sheamus
arrives to say he has a proposal for Wade. Wade
leaves him waiting outside his “office” but we don’t
get to hear what that is before John Cena is
interviewed from the back. Cena says it’s his fault
for not shaking Wade’s hand and he’s going to meet
them in the ring tonight. They’re going to have tea.
Cena says “if you can’t beat ‘em....” then walks
off, implying he might join up I guess? How the fuck
do you get a bunch of green guys to have every big
wrestler crying like babies?
Commercial Thought: My fucking God when are
elections? I’m trapped in a ludicrous Republican vs
Back to the show where we
replay what just happened with Cena before a #1
Contender match for the Diva’s. Snack break!
Maryse w/ Ted Dibiase vs. Eve Torres
Eve doesn’t fair too well early on until she finally
catches a reverse elbow in the corner and a leaping
knee to Maryse in the jaw. Maryse makes the ropes
with her foot at the two but the ref doesn’t see it
so Ted gets in the ring.
least it was short. Ted is up in the ref’s face but
Morrison attacks from behind and crushes Dibaise
with Starship Pain. Well, that was quick. Don’t
linger too long I guess.
Thought: Cat’s like sub sandwiches?
the show where Sheamus is coming out to speak.
Sheamus rambles on about being awesome and says he
and Nexus are the two most powerful entities in the
WWE and has struck a deal to leave Nexus alone while
they leave him alone. I’m really sick of Nexus being
the fucking focus of the whole goddamn show. This is
why people got sick of the NWO. Miz interrupts
things to say Sheamus has a bigger problem than
Nexus, The Miz. He says he is the one who controls
the fate of the WWE championship. Miz says he’ll be
ready to cash it in whenever when Orton might hit
him with an RKO, or maybe he’ll attack him from
behind during an interview, or maybe he’ll just wait
until Wrestlemania, or maybe he’ll cash it in
tonight. He then quotes some lyrics and Sheamus
tells him he’s nothing before storming off in a
little fit. Our GM AIMs us for the first time
tonight. How nice of them to let us know they are
watching the show at least. The GM says Miz should
take a seat at ringside for the next match of
Sheamus against Evan Bourne if he wants to cash in
WWE Champion Sheamus vs. Evan
Bourne (Non-Title Match)
the step kick right off the bat but Bourne dodges
and kicks him. Sheamus takes a tumble to the floor
and tries to regroup, getting mad and hitting the
Random Commercial Thought: Why the
fuck did they even start the match?
return, Sheamus is overpowering Bourne while Miz
sits at ringside petting his briefcase like an evil
mastermind and his cat. Sheamus runs Bourne down for
a two count and starts to pummel him in the corner.
With his foot. Sheamus wraps Bourne’s leg around a
post and taunts yelling something that sounds like
he’s screaming “NEEERRRRD” like he’s Piccolo.
Sheamus works a submission on Bourne and Bourne
tries to slip free only to be hoisted up into a big
swinging side slam. Sheamus works another submission
hold and Bourne works out, kicking the back of the
knee. Sheamus tosses him to the corner and Bourne
hits a huge, straight up standing kick. Awesome.
Bourne starts kicking the shit out of Sheamus,
rocking him. Bourne spins out of a powerbomb attempt
to a roll up for two and superkicks Sheamus dead.
Bourne climbs up for Air Bourne while Miz gets ready
to cash in. Sheamus rolls to the floor so Bourne
just jumps on him anyway. Good plan, Ginger.Sheamus
grabs the ref and distracts him while he delivers a
cheap shot to Bourne. I still can’t tell if they are
calling the kick the bro or pro kick, but Sheamus
hit it for the win.
Miz decks Sheamus from
behind with the briefcase several times before
dragging him up for the skullcrushing finale.
Sheamus tries to fight out of it while Miz finally
forces him into it on the briefcase and Miz cashes
in. The crowd just popped huge for the fucking Miz.
R-Truth’s music hits before Sheamus can get up for
the ref to start the match, but Miz takes his
briefcase and runs. I think the crowd is actually
pissed Truth interrupted this. I want to know since
when the ref has to wait for Sheamus to be okay
enough to start the match. Doesn’t that ruin the
point of attacking him before hand?
Commercial Thought: Silibil is a shitty rap name.
Back to the show where Miz freak out in the back
over Truth costing him the championship and there
will be other opportunities so he’s okay, just
pissed I guess? We get a video about a Summerslam
match between Austin and Undertaker. Sheamus is
walking about with some ice on his head in the back
and yelling at the useless divas. I want Beth
Phoenix back. Orton comes along to tell him it was
too bad what just happened before saying he’ll be
eating an RKO at Summerslam. We see Cena sitting
around looking dramatic in the back as if he’s
auditioning for the next Twilight film.
Random Commercial Thought: For you pokemon players
of competitiveness, say bye bye to Salemence.
Dragons are out of style I guess.
Back to the
show where Zack Ryder is teaming with Regal against
Santino and Kozlov. At least Zack got rid of the
pants anymore. I want to know why they think this
will work with less guys?
Vladimir Kozlov & Santino Morella
vs. William Regal & Zack Ryder
flips out of an arm wrench by Zack and works one of
his own before handstanding against the ropes. Zack
crouches behind him, causing Santino to trip and
Vlad makes the tag. Regal comes in too and gets
outwrestled. Santino comes in for the cheap shot on
the arm, but Regal just powers him over. Regal picks
up two. Ryder tags in and puts him down for two
again before working a submission. Ryder leaps off
the top onto Santino, but his followup has Santino
making the tag. Vlad crushes Ryder in the corner a
running spin kick leads to a running powerslam for
two. Regal breaks up the pin and runs from Kozlov
but a spinebuster crushes Ryder who tries to come
from behind. Santino gets the tag and does what I
can only call the People’s Headbutt for the three.
Winners: Santino & Kozlov
Kozlov looks as
surprised this is getting over as anyone else. Nexus
are talking in the back as we go to commercial.
Random Commercial Thought: Damn, a lot of WWE based
commercials this week. Is Cena going to pay for the
damages to that restroom?
Back to the show
where Wade Barrett if here. I didn’t care either.
Story here is that Nexus is banned from ringside; I
forgot to mention that earlier.
Wade Barrett vs. Mark Henry
takes everything Wade has and just walks through it,
crushing Wade in a corner with a headbutt. Wade
tries to fight back again but gets run over by a
clothesline for two. Henry delivers another headbutt
and Wades delivers one of his own before kicking
into the knee repeatedly. Henry just scoops him into
a powerslam for a two count. Henry looks really
funny with his little band-aide on his forehead.
Wade is dragged to the corner for a big corner
splash, but Nexus come to the entrance ramp as Henry
climbs the ropes, getting distracted. Wade scoops
him up on his shoulders and almost drops Henry, so
he sling shim by his arm and leg into an awkward
slam that looked very dangerous and unintentionally
Wade demands Cena
come out as Nexus joins him in the ring. Cena is
seen walking through the back as we go to
Random Commercial Thought: Daniel
Bryons was fired for what a fucking Knockout did on
TNA. Lame huh? That better be some kind of
elaborate, stupid work.
Back to the show
where Nexus is saying they promise to at least hear
him out when he comes out if he will at least
acknowledge that they run the show now. Cena finally
comes out, this is apparently our big Main Event.
Cena apologizes to them and asks for the same thing,
but Wade says no. He says he’s not looking for a
truce, he’s looking for something bigger (always
with the “Much much biggah” form this guy. “How’s
your dick?” “Much, much biggah!”). Wade says he
wants Cena to join them instead. Yadda yadds, join
the dark side, yadda yadda, unstoppable, blah blah.
Cena turns down this OPPORTUNITY OF A LIFETIME. Wade
says that is unfortunate because now he has two
choices, either leave or get his ass kicked. Cena
decides to take a walk but pauses at the ramp to
give one last speech. Cena says he will take them
all down and Cena reveals he has help and says he’s
been forming a team quietly. If by quietly, he means
that he’s been using the same guys each week we keep
seeing. He says they’ll be taking on Nexus at
Summerslam and reveals his team to be: Edge (Maybe
they should have gone through with the whole ending
career thing earlier), John Morrison (I demand he go
back up the ramp and start that walk again in slow
motion), R-Truth (The Greatest Rapper since Cena!),
The Great Khali (LOL), Chris Jericho (guess he
forgot to show up and the whole hating Edge thing),
last is Bret Hart (wut?). The Cena Army attacks the
ring and Nexus books through the crowd as fast as
Highlight of the Night: The show
really blew its wad early with the Triple Threat, it
was all downhill from there.
Lowlight of the Night: Diva match
was a blink and you miss it, thing.
WWE “Creative” Award: Wouldn’t it
have made more sense for Evan Bourne to be on that
team instead of Khali?