Welcome back to the show.
Sorry I wasn’t around last week, had some stuff to
take care of. I’m sure you all care, but it didn’t
involve ninjas and/or robots.
show opens with a recap of the footage of the NXT
rookies beating up Cena. I like the way they were
described like roaches. Wade Barret or however you
spell it is in the ring apologizing for what they
did to Cena last week and invites the other Rookies
to the ring who all brought their ring gear, how
convenient. The announcers and ring personal decide
to leave for their own safety even though they
didn’t use to care when people were going through
tables and lighting it on fire back in the day. The
rookies refuse to apologize. Otunga says they are
the ones deserving an apology. Wade says it’s
unanimous, the problem with NXT is they were treated
like animals. I love this guy’s voice actually. He
sounds like a young Regal.
interrupts things. He says they were reprehensible
in their actions but Wade says Daniel Bryon had
remorse too and refused to show with them. Wade says
he has a contract and title shot of his choosing at
any PPV. Wade says the rest have demands and Otunga
says they all want WWE contracts. Bret says he’s
refusing to sign any of them and Wade says he’s
making a mistake. This segment has been going on for
fifteen minutes. Bret says because of Wade’s actions
he has been dropped as the winner of NXT because
he’s fired and the rest can get the hell out of the
ring. Nice segment here for Bret in showing his GM
Random Commercial Thought: Dr. Insano
should have been the star of that movie.
come back to a Fatal Four Way for the US belt.
US Champion R-Truth vs. John
Morrison vs. The Miz vs. Zack Ryder (US Title Fatal
One of these things is
not like the other. One of these doesn’t belong.
What the fuck is Ryder doing here. The match starts
with the heels being dumped. Morrison trying a
Russian leg sweep on Truth but gets rolled up for
two. Ryder tries a roll up too and the actions pills
to the floor with everyone diving out and Morrison
coming out on top of the suicide dive train.
Random Commercial Thought: Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto.
Back to the show where Miz is laid out and Ryder is
going up top but he is met by Morrison. Ryder blocks
a superplex but Truth German suplexes Morrison,
allowing him to also superplex Ryder. Morrison tries
covering everyone for three kick outs. Miz rolls up
Truth for two of his own and gets pounded into the
corner. Miz is sent to the floro where he’s run down
by Morrison with a clothesline that for no reason
kills himself too. Morrison has to crawl in and
break up a pin by Truth on Ryder. Morrison sets up
on Truth and they both toss Miz to the floor when he
runs in. Springbaord off the ropes by Morrison is
ducked. Truth counters and picks up a two count but
Ryder stops it. Yder hasn’t done anything, oh never
mind he just hit the Rough Ryder on Truth for two.
Morrison kicks him in the head to send him to the
floor but Starship Pain is hit on Truth. Miz tosses
Morrison to the floor and picks up the pin.
Orton is in the back saying the
NXT guys either deserve to be fired or have their
brains beaten in and they got off lucky. That was
pretty funny. I’m actually surprised how much I’m
enjoying this show.
Thought: Burn Notice is a better show.
to the show where Dibaise comes to the back to talk
to the guy from Royal Pains. I don’t know his name.
They decided to record their audio so bad I couldn’t
tell what a lot of it was at first. Apparently Ted
wants to host with him but Show is behind him to
protect the host as he guest stars in an episode.
Virgil and Ted are going to be in a match against
them based on this. OH THANK GOD A VIRGIL MATCH I
CAN DIE HAPPY. Apparently the Bella Twins then think
they are gay. Yep, needed that bit. At least there
was no humping.
Random Commercial Thought:
I’ve got a feeling Lady Gaga is going to kill us
Back to the show with a recap of Jericho
getting destroyed by Big Show last week before he
comes to the ring.
Chris Jericho vs. Evan Bourne
starts off strong but gets run down with a
clothesline that destroys him for two. Bourne sells
everything like a truck. It’s like a tiny Ric Flair.
Jericho continues to keep the pressure on and lands
the Code Breaker but Bourne kicks out. Jericho
freaks and just starts to beat the shit out of him
on the ropes until he’s disqualified.
Bourne gets Jericho after the match
and hits Air Bourne before they threaten us with a
John Cena promo next.
Thought: Those noodles looked pre-eaten.
to the show. Cena talks about how the NXT Rookies
almost had a good plan because they wanted to get
back at management but made all the fans mad
instead. How are these guys supposed to stay heels
if they are supposedly fired? The NXT guys start
coming but as Cena said the WWE superstars hate
them, a bunch come to the ring to put a stop to it
with King even coming in. Hilariously they are
chased off byt Mark Henry and Santino follow. Henry
is funny as hell, chugging along too slow and
Santino follows them out to the streets where they
scatter like rats.
Random Commercial Thought:
Schlotzky’s has nasty cooking habits.
back. Sheamus says he’s the only one allowed to take
out Cena which is why he helped. Makes perfect
sense? We then get the threat of a diva tag match
after a replay of the battle royal last week. God
Torres & Gail Kim vs. Maryse & Alicia Fox
Eve loses out in the early exchange to Maryse.
Alicia tags in looking like the world’s weirdest
Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. She picks up a two count
and a northern lights suplex gets two more. Fox goes
to a headlock on the ground which should never be in
a diva match because they barely do anything anyway,
they don’t need to rest. Maryse tags in and kicks
Eve in the chest. Alicia tries to get a tag in to
Maryse but accidentally boots her in the face with
help from Eve. Eve hit’s a neck breaker and picks up
happens surprisingly. The possible betrayal thing
seems to amount to absolutely nothing. We see Big
Show and what’s his name heading to the ring as we
go to commercial.
Random Commercial Thought:
It could be worse. It could involve slugs.
Back to the show where Big Show is out as a face I
guess? He needs to make up his mind which one he’s
Big Show & The
Royal Pains Guy vs. Ted Dibiase & Virgil
Show just slaps the shit out of Dibiase in the
corner and sits on him practically. He crushes him
with more chest pounds and Dibiase starts to crawl
away. Dibaise finally just makes a run for it and
tags in Virgil, running to the floor. Virgil
complains and gets dragged back in by his bald head
and slammed. He holds his back in pain but Royal
Pains Guy tosses him back in when he tries to leave,
allowing Show to deliver a body slam and walk on
him. Show finally finishes things off with a choke
slam. Royal Pains Guy comes in and delivers one of
the worst People’s Elbows ever for the win.
Winners: Show and That Guy
Virgil appears to
have died but Ted comes and puts some money in his
mouth like dear old dad. Before he leaves though he
seems to have second thoughts and takes the money
back. Ew, saliva! I think there was a commercial
here but I kind of left the room for a moment so
we’ll pretend there wasn’t and just move on to the
William Regal vs. Santino Marella (Special Ref:
Regal takes Santino down with
an arm bar but Santino doesn’t tap until he gets
Regal with a flip over roll up while grabbing the
tights. Kozlov calls the match.
Regal tries to plead his case but Bret Hart calls
them to the stage with him, saying he called all the
other superstars to do it too. Apparently he wants
protection against the NXT guys shutting the show
down as we go to commercial. Because they were such
a threat before. I can totally see how they can’t
stop a few guys who stand out like sore thumbs by
not wearing clothes from getting in the building.
Random Commercial Thought: I’ve got a lovely bunch
of coconuts….diddly diddly
Back to the show
where Edge arrive for his match. Apparently it’s a
tag team match. King hilariously tries to name off
the kinds of people who take care of the injured
wresters when discussing Orton’s shoulder, but he
seems to not know what the hell any of them are
& John Cena vs. Sheamus & Edge
and Sheamus start off with headlocks. Sheamus makes
the ropes and they have to break. The drama! Tie up
follows but Cena almost gets a full nelson in so
Sheamus makes the ropes again. ACTION! Cena works a
wristlock and tags in Orton who kicks his way in on
Sheamus…and goes to a headlock. SUSPENSE!
Random Commercial Thought: Who wears a bike helmet
when just walking around?
Back to the match.
Cena is wailing on Edge and goes for an FU, but he
escapes. Cena crushes him with a clothesline and
Edge tries to tag Orton, I guess he forgot which guy
he’s teaming with. Cena gets a two count and Edge is
sent to the floor. Sheamus looks pissed that Edge is
getting raped. Edge hangs Cena up on the ropes for
trying to follow and drags him back for a tag to
Sheamus. Sheamus starts stomping away on Cena.
Sheamus continues to just work Cena over, trading
out with Edge in distracting the ref and beating him
down at ringside. Sheamus slams Cena into the
barricade before getting a two count back in the
Cena eats a clothesline for another two
so Sheamus works an arm bar so lazy it makes Cena’s
STF look like it’s on tight. Sheamus wraps himself
around Cena trying to work the hold but Cena stands
and just walks with him riding. Why doesn’t he just
get off and pull back? Because that would make
sense. Cena passes out before he can make the tag
and there’s another cover for two. Edge is back in
for more beat down as this match is dragging on
quite a bit at this point. Cena tries to come back
but Edge drops him and sets up for the Spear only to
nail himself into the turnbuckle. The tags are made
and Orton comes in to annihilate Sheamus. Powerslam
from Orton leads into the suspended DDT on Sheamus.
He sets up for the RKO but Edge turns him around
only to get an RKO. Sheamus flattens Orton for the
Sheamus starts hammering on
Orton’s chest from behind (kinky) while the crowd
rallies an RKO chant. Sheamus picks up a two count
before tagging out to Edge who pounds on Orton some
more. I say pound a lot, but there are very few
moves being done at all. Edge and Orton just nail
each other and Cena is in. Cena runs over Edge with
his general offense. It’s so general they just cut
away from it to show the NXT guys destroying the
back. Who the fuck didn’t bother to just lock the
goddamn doors? They are beating the shit out of Bret
Hart and kidnapping him in a limo. At least it
wasn’t ninjas in a van. The limo manages to hit
every single car in the parking lot on its way out
before taking off. Oh, no apparently they just
wanted him to be in the car while it hit things as
they drag him back out and yell at him then run
away…no match ending. What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK?!
Highlight off the Night: The Fatal Fourway,
though it begs the question of why have this on Raw
and not the PPV of the same name.
Lowlight of the Night: The ending. What the
fuck was that?
“Creative” Award: NXT isn’t interesting, stop
trying to pretend it is.