Home | Columns & Rants | Satire | Entertainment | Media | Archives | Forum
RABID WOLVERINES
by Justin Shapiro

Please GOD, I'm just BEGGING for someone who has
actually seen a dogfighting ring in the past decade to
come forward on one of these shows and tell the world
what's really going on. It's ridiculous, insane, and
it really makes me sick that these so-called reporters
have taken this dogfighting story and used it as an
excuse to attack their favorite target, Michael Vick.
 
For these goofs to go on TV claiming to be "experts"
and "animal rights advocates" is pathetic. Many of
them haven't even owned a dog since the 1990s. None
of them have been in the kennels on Vick's property,
and they have no idea how much dogfighting has
changed. THINGS ARE MUCH DIFFERENT THAN THEY WERE
FIVE OR TEN OR TWENTY YEARS AGO!
 
These dogs died, yes, and that is a tragedy. But dogs
die every day all over the world in ways that have
nothing to do with dogfighting. Of the dogs killed on
Vick's property, most of them hadn't even been owned
by Vick for at least six months and actually worked
for Purnell Peace, Tony Taylor and Quanis Phillips.
 
While investigators have made allegations about dogs
being injected with steroids and other drugs to make
them stronger and more violent, it must be pointed out
that the only substance found in the syringes on
Vick's property was testosterone, a hormone that is
naturally produced by dogs.
 
Most of all, keep in mind that every single one of
these dogs made their own individual decision to
fight. Vick may have bred and trained them for
fighting and put them in a pit, but it was still their
PERSONAL CHOICE to attack each other.
 
The bottom line is that these dogs put smiles on
faces, especially the faces of people that won money
on them in a fight to the death. I find it both sad
and humorous that everyone is now pointing the finger
at Vick and the dogfighting industry rather than
blaming the dogs themselves. Somebody, PLEASE, stop
the insanity!!!!

 

My name is Justin Shapiro, I am the WWF Champion, and I do not deserve to be treated like this.  I earned a Master's Degree in Literary and Cultural Studies from Carnegie Mellon University, which I have parlayed into a cushy position as the WWE Sunday Night Heat co-reporter, non-Australian version, 2003-2005, at WrestlingObserver.com.  I collect My Little Ponies.  My favorite food is banana pudding.

 

Send Feedback to Justin Shapiro

Bookmark and Share

TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).