WWE OVER THE LIMIT 2010
The theme of this event and recap is Crash by Fit For Rivals. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GbsFdDphFg
There's no Earthly way of knowing..which direction we are going. There's no knowing where we're rowing, or which way the river's flowing. Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a-blowing? Not a speck of light is showing, so the danger must be growing..are the fires of Hell a-glowing? Is the grizzly Reaper mowing?! YES! The danger must be growing, so the rowers keep on rowing!!! And they're certainly not showing any signs that they are slowing!!! AAAAAAAHHHHH! ...oh, sorry, the excitement forced me into big-lipped alligator moment there for a second. Willy Wonka aside, this is Over The Limit! Under Arrest! Strap yourselves in, 'cause we're getting 0.08 BAC up in this bitch!
Opening vid seemingly puts down Speed
Limits. Yeah, that's not a bad message to send to kids,
or anything. Pyro shoots down the limit meter
logo..alright, that was kinda cool. Still standing here
in the Joe Louis Arena! Jerry Lawler has an
Affliction-esque shirt on. I have one just like it.
Congratulations, WWE - you've made a 16-year-old feel
old! IC Title Match up first.
Intercontinental Championship: Kofi Kingston
vs. Drew McIntyre (c)
Have I mentioned I'm in love with McIntyre's
theme? Kofi starts off with a number of shots, Drew
shoves him away, goes for a clothesline, Kofi ducks -
gets off a number of kicks, followed by a Single Leg
Dropkick! Twice as flashy, half as effective, that's my
motto. McIntyre gets clotheslined to the outside, and
then kicks the barricade, Jericho-style. Damned thing
had it coming. Been evading taxes for years. Kofi with a
Suicide Dive onto McIntyre! *Sigh* Can't say I didn't
see this coming. He didn't have a job, his wife left
him, child support payments piling up..oh, wait, still
alive. Kofi pulls McIntyre up, but he fights back and
re-enters the ring. Kofi follows, attacks McIntyre with
a Jumping Clothesline. Kofi goes for the Boom Drop, but
McIntyre rolls to the outside. Kofi pulls him back up to
the apron by the hair, but McIntyre shoves him across
the apron and into the ringpost! Nice. McIntyre shoves
Kofi into the apron, then throws him into the ring.
McIntyre pounds him into the corner. Short Arm Knee
Lift, into a Gutbuster, for two. McIntyre puts Kofi in a
weird Crossface variation. Striker doesn't name it,
which disapoints me. How am I supposed to learn with you
in silence?! Kofi hiptosses out of it. McIntyre whips
Kofi to the corner, Kofi tries for the floatover, but
McIntyre shuts that shit down with a kick to the ribs in
mid-air. Finlay-like Forearm-to-the-face-cover gets two.
McIntyre goes up top, seems to try for a
splash but Kofi gets two boots up into his face! There's
a good way to screw your neck up. Kofi ducks a
clotheslines, starts rallying with backhands, Dropkick
to the corner! High Corner Punches, which make Striker
call for disqaulification. Methinks matches would suck
with Striker as ref. Kofi tries to pull McIntyre by the
legs, but he kicks Kofi away. Kofi charges McIntyre,
McIntyre tosses Kofi up into the corner, but Kofi lands
on his feet on the second rope! Kofi kicks McIntyre
away, Crossbody gets two! Kofi tries to pull McIntyre up
- gets caught with a Gutbuster! This gets a nearfall. I
see no gore on the mat, so I'm going to chalk that up as
yet another false advertisement. McIntyre tries to throw
Kofi into the corner, but Kofi counters, and throws him
shoulder-first into the opposite ringpost. Kofi sets
McIntyre up on the bottom rope, nails the Boom Drop from
there. Wouldn't elevating them make it hurt slightly
less? Anyway, this gets a nearfall. Kofi goes for the
Trouble In Paradise - McIntyre ducks, and hooks for the
Future Shock DDT, but Kofi twists out of it and nails
the SOS! Kofi with the cover, and that's it!
Winner: Kofi Kingston
Rating: ***
Great match, wish it went on for a few more
minutes.
Post-match, McIntyre gets on the mic. He
says that he'll only say this once - this Pay-Per-View
is going to stop until Teddy Long gets out here and
reverses the decision. So of course, out comes Matt
Hardy to the ring. McIntyre goes for a clothesline, Matt
ducks and nails the Twist Of Fate!
Cut to see Punk staring into a mirror. He
says "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the purest of
them all?" No, seriously, he does. Serena and Gallows
answer "CM Punk" for him. He tells us that while Gallows
doesn't like him, Mysterio joining them is for the
greater good. They plan to give birth to the
Straightedge Mysterio. Serena and Gallows then snuggle
up against Punk. No, really, they do.
Recap video of DiBiase trying to make
R-Truth into his slave. Virgil does indeed accompany
DiBiase, and Cole notes him as the REAL Virgil. As
opposed to the hundreds of fakes out there. Often
imitated, never duplicated.
R-Truth
vs. Ted DiBiase (w/Virgil)
Lock-up, DiBiase singles out the arm. Truth
counters with an armbar, DiBiase shoves Truth into the
corner, forcing the break. Waistlock on Truth, Truth
counters with an Arm Drag. DiBiase with a slap, inciting
Truth to get all over his cracker ass. Truth goes for an
Irish Whip to the corner, DiBiase reverses, Truth with
the floatover, splits duck, Heel Kick to the jaw of
DiBiase. Truth clotheslines DiBiase to the outside.
Virgil checks on DiBiase. Truth goes outside, confronts
Virgil, who starts taking his jacket off. DiBiase tries
to attack from behind, but R-Truth strikes first and
throws DiBiase into the ring. Virgil starts to follow up
the stairs, distracting Truth - allowing DiBiase to hit
a neckbreaker! DiBiase hurls Truth to the outside,
thrusts him into the barricade and throws him back in.
Truth fights back, hits the ropes, runs into a Flapjack!
*Insert Aunt Jemima joke here.* This gets a nearfall.
R-Truth tries to fight back, hits the ropes - but
DiBiase hits them as well, and Truth turns around into a
clothesline! This gets two for DiBiase. DiBiase puts
Truth into a Chinlock. Truth fights out - only to take a
Back Suplex, for two. DiBiase goes up top, goes for a
Double Axe Handle, only for Truth to catch him in
mid-air. DiBiase is attacked in the corner, Truth takes
him up top, and hooks him for a Superplex! DiBiase
fights back, knocks him to the mat! DiBiase stands, and
Truth crotches onto the top rope! DiBiase stumbles up,
into a series of clotheslines, followed up by a Deep Hip
Toss! Flatliner, gets a nearfall! Truth goes for the
Scissors Kick, only to be taken down with an Electric
Chair! Nice, this gets another nearfall. Truth hits the
ropes, ducks a clothesline, and seems to be going for a
Boston Crab of sorts, but DiBiase escapes on the ropes.
Truth pulls DiBiase up - nails him with the Suplex
Stunner that he calls the Truth or Consequences, this
gets a nearfall! Lie Detector follows - and that's it!
Winner: R-Truth
Rating: **2/3
Solid match-up, if lacking in heat. I think
Virgil did well, although I think I'd have liked it
better if he had something to do with the finish.
Speaking of slaves, we cut TO THE BACK~! to
see Teddy Long talking to someone on the phone, only be
interupted by Drew McIntyre, demanding he change the
result of the match. Teddy says he can't do that - but
McIntyre says he can and he will. He also demands that
he fire Matt Hardy. Teddy says that he won't. McIntyre
responds by tearing up his office, throwing chairs and
tables around. He then glares at the Martin Luther King
Jr. picture that Long always has. Teddy begs him not to
do anything to it, saying it means a lot to him. Drew
grabs the picture frame, then stops and says that he
wants the picture to stay. He says that Martin Luther is
a revolutionary and a leader, whereas Teddy Long is
spineless. Drew says the picture stays, because Drew is
more like him then Teddy will ever be. Punk/Mysterio
XXXVVIII up next.
CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio (Dignity Raping
vs. Forced Salvation)
The two come together in the ring. Punk
pledges, and Mysterio oddly enough seems to do the same,
before being jumped by Punk. Punk stomps Rey into the
corner. Rey fights out, and gets the Corner Punches in
the opposite corner. Punk escapes, and knees the back of
Mysterio. Punk pulls Mysterio out, throws him to the
ropes, goes for a Back Body Drop, but Rey counters with
a kick, hits the ropes, only to be Back Body Dropped to
the outside! Punk with a Plancha, Rey dodges, leaving
Punk to crash onto the floor! Rey re-enters the ring,
and nails a Baseball Slide Hurricarana, sending Punk
into the tax evading barricade! Mysterio tosses Punk
into the ring, Springboard Hurricarana takes Punk to the
middle ropes! Mysterio goes for the 619 - but Punk slips
out and catches Rey with a knee, before tossing him
between the ropes and into the Barber's Chair! Looked a
lot more painful then it sounded. Speaking of the
Barber's Chair, I am disapointed in the lack of a
Barber's Pole. And some blood for Punk. A ref and a
medic in the ring, checking onto Punk. Meanwhile,
Mysterio's outside, having been so for about 40 seconds,
but no count thanks to the blood. Mysterio finally gets
into the ring, which the announcers put over as showing
the passion of this feud. And the fans respond to this
passion by starting a Boring chant. Ingrates! After a
moment of this, Punk dashes away from the officials and
Baseball Slides Mysterio to the ring!
Apparantly pissed at the boring chants, Punk
is very quick in this assault, tossing Mysterio into
that bastardly barricade! Punk hurls Mysterio into the
wall, and then Snap Suplexes him onto the floor! Damn,
son, Mysterio's twitching like Jeff Hardy circa 2003.
Punk throws Mysterio into the ring, hits a Heelow, for
two! Punk gets Mysterio into a Figure Four Headscissors.
Mysterio slowly fights out of it, catches Punk with a
Back Kick, hits the ropes, Wheelbarrows into a Roll-Up,
for two! Rey hits the ropes, and runs right into a
Lunging Clothesline! This gets a nearfall, and a
close-up on the bloody Punk shows him putting on his
best Rapeface. Punk with a few Pledging Elbow Drops, for
a nearfall. Punk pulls Rey to his feet, whips Rey to the
corner, gets caught with a kick, and Rey nails a Sunset
Flip Bomb, for a nearfall! Punk and Mysterio fight their
way up, Punk throws him to the ropes, Mysterio ducks a
clothesline, nails a Springboard Crossbody for a
nearfall! Rey tries for an Irish Whip, Punk reverses,
Rey floatsover to the apron, takes Punk back with a
shot, then nails a West Coast Pop! Mysterio hits the
ropes, ducks under a kick, and nails a Standing
variation of the same move, for two! Uppgrayedd! Punk
whips Mysterio into the corner, Rey floatsover Punk,
rushes him - only to get elevated into the turnbuckle!
Rey turns around, and gets nailed with the Pepsi One!
Punk tries for the follow up bulldog, but Rey gets out.
Punk grabs a leg, and Rey flips him to the middle ropes!
Rey goes for another 619 - but Punk counters
into a Double Underhook Backbreaker! This gets a very
narrow two count! Punk puts the rapeface back on, as he
pulls Rey into GTS position! Rey elbows out, goes for a
Rana, but Punk holds on, pulls him back up, and
Powerbombs him into the Corner! Punk goes up top, for a
Flying Bulldog onto Mysterio! God, I'm loving this,
another nearfall! Punk with a combonation of kicks,
ending with a Norris Roundhouse Kick to the head, for
two! Punk rushes Rey near the ropes, Rey catches him
with an elbow, tries for a Springboard Moonsault, but
Punk catches him, and goes for the 619! But Mysterio arm
drags him to the middle rope - 619! Mysterio tries to
follow up with the splash, but Punk sits up, causing
Mysterio to crash onto the mat! Punk laughs, and goes
for a casual cover on Mysterio - but Mysterio rolls him
up, for the three!! That's it!
Winner: Rey
Rating: ****1/4
That was, quite simply, awesome.
Post-match, Punk is freaking out until the
SVR09 Mystery Man attacks Mysterio! He pounds on Rey,
and out comes Gallows and Serena! And Luke's got
handcuffs! They start to handcuff Rey to the ropes, to
keep him from shaving Punk..and out comes Kane?! What
the hell, Rey's former master and torturer attacks the
SES, throwing the Mystery man to the outside! Chokeslam
on CM Punk! Kane beats Gallows up the ramp..while
Mysterio hooks Punk to the ropes with the handcuffs!
They continue fighting, until Mysterio hits a Baseball
Slide to the legs of Punk, followed up by an Inverted
619! Second set of handcuffs, lock Punk completely to
the ropes! Mysterio brings in the clippers, and
continues beating on Punk, before shaving his hair! As
if shaving angles weren't awkward enough, Rey's doing it
while he's handcuffed to the ropes, bloody, and being
beaten on..and while this happens, Jerry Lawler says
"Goodbye Purity"! God, no wonder they call it Dignity
Raping! Rey stops, leaving a lot of hair left on the
back. Creepily enough, Rey holds up locks of hair in
triumph! When Rey finally leaves, Serena comes in and
puts a towel over Punk's head. But Rey comes back with a
mirror, and tosses the towel off. Punk is pissed at
this, and starts trying to kick at Mysterio. Punk
finally gets unhooked, and Serena and the Mystery Man
take Punk to the back with towels.
Well, that was incredibly very disturbing,
so let's just continue on with this recap and not
mention it again.
Cut TO THE BACK~! to see Big Show run in
place, only to be confronted by Chris Motherfucking
Jericho! Jericho thanks him - because if it wasn't for
his arrogance, Miz and Jericho (Jiz?) would never have
teamed together. And now that they have, they've proven
that they never needed him. Jericho calls Show the
deadweight of the team, and now that they've trimmed the
fat, they're going all the way. Chris tells him that
they are going to become the Unified Tag Team Champions,
and Show will be left with nothing. While Jericho talks
bad about Show, up comes The Miz behind him. Jericho
calls Show a Cheapshot Artist. Show says that Miz needs
to stop staring at his back, or else he's going to knock
him out. Miz quietly backs away, as does Jericho.
WWE
Unified Tag Team Championships: Chris Jericho and The
Miz (Chrismiz? Sounds festive.) vs. The Hart Dynasty
(Tyson Kidd and DH Smith w/Natayla)
Miz starts out with Kidd. Takes him down
with a few blows, then goes for a Body Slam, but Kidd
gets out the back, hits a Snapmare, gets off a combo of
Snapping Kicks to the back and chest of Miz! Tag out to
DH, Double Vertical Suplex to start, then Kidd leaves DH
to finish it off, delaying it for a number of seconds
before bringing him down! Miz is knocked to the outside,
in comes Jericho, and DH Back Body Drops Jericho to the
outside! DH Press Slam's Tyson onto Jericho and Miz, who
are kind enough to catch him and even help him land on
his feet, like any good citizen being attacked should
do. Kidd takes Miz into the ring, and is apparantly
legal. Cover, gets two. Miz takes Kidd into the corner,
Jericho gets tagged in to epic this match up a little. A
Y2J-chant starts, but seeing as he hates that nickname
now, one could easily call this a fanfail. Jericho beats
on Kidd for a bit, before going for a Back Body Drop, of
which Kidd lands on his feet off of. Kidd with a Rolling
Wheel Kick, DH tagged, Kidd Drop Toe Holds Jericho down
for a Legdrop from DH. DH whips Jericho to the corner,
Jericho gets the boot up, and goes up top for a Missle
Dropkick! Once the mushroom cloud clears, Jericho hits a
Baseball Slide to take DH - who now most likely has
three testicles - to the outside. Miz hops down for a
quick kick to the head of DH. Smith rolls back into the
ring, and takes a Back Suplex, which earns a two count.
Jericho with a Chinlock. DH fights out, Jericho hits the
ropes, and gets taken down with a Side Slam. Jericho and
DH fight to their corners, but Jericho tags in Miz first
and he intercepts DH, beating him into the mat. Running
Kick to the seated DH, gets two. Miz gets a Chinlock on
DH, but DH counters into the second Electric Chair Drop
of the night. Jericho and Kidd both tagged in, but since
Kidd's face, he takes control. Kidd ducks a clothesline,
then nails a Rolling Elbow, and a series of dropkicks.
Big Running Dropkick to a kneeling Jericho..dammit. Kidd
knocks Miz off the apron, then jumps onto Jericho in the
ring, for some odd roll-up that I can barely even
explain. This gets two. Kidd tries for a Rana - but
Jericho counters with the Walls!!! TAP! TAP YOU
TEENYBOPPER LOOKING MANBITCH! Nah, it's 2010, so he
escapes on the ropes.
Kidd rolls to the apron, and from there gets
in a Heel Kick on Jericho. Kidd with the Springboard -
flying right into the Codebreaker, bah Gawd!!! About 20
seconds later, Jericho covers, and Kidd kicks out. Kidd
with a Snap Kick to the head of Jericho, from the mat.
Kidd tags in DH, who decimates Jericho and Miz. Corner
charge, Jericho catches him with an elbow, only to run
right into a Powerslam, for three! DH tries for a
Running Powerslam, but Jericho escapes, pushes Smith to
the ropes, Miz clips him from the outside, and Smith
stumbles into an Inside Cradle for a nearfall! This
enrages Jericho and Miz, and oddly enough it's Miz that
kicks the bottom rope. Damned thing had it coming, it
feeds kittens to iguanas whenever people don't mention
locations in their recaps. Jericho hits the ropes, only
for Natayla to trip Jericho up. This leads to a Running
Powerslam from Smith! Smith covers Jericho - and he
barely kicks out! Of course, I'm sure he wasn't actually
hurt. He just let him pin for a bit, so he could feel
strong. Really, he could've kicked out much sooner, but
he's too much of a decent human being to humiliate
someone like that. Anyway, Smith whips Jericho to the
ropes, Jericho tags out to Miz mid-dash, Jericho ducks a
clothesline, is caught with a Big Boot - and in comes
Miz, to nail Smith with a move that's similar to the old
Reality Check, for a narrow nearfall! Miz goes for the
Sharpshooter on Smith, but it's countered into an Inside
Cradle, for two! Miz throws Smith facefirst into the
corner, and goes for the Skull Crushing Finale off the
rebound! But Smith shoves Miz to the ropes where he
knocks off Jericho! Off the rebound, Smith catches Miz
with a roll-up, only for Miz to counter with one of his
own, but Smith barely kicks out! Signature Corner
Clothesline - but Smith grabs Miz and lifts him into
Hart Attack position! Kidd with a blind tag, he comes in
- and the Hart Attack on Miz! And that puts him away.
Winners: The Hart Dynasty
Rating: ***
Solid match, and I think the finish was very
well put together.
Edge/Orton up next. Edge seems to have a
shiner tonight. Methinks he might be dating Chris Brown.
Randy
Orton vs. Edge
There's a long pause at the beggining of the
match as the two size each other up, trying to let the
anticipation build. Don't think it particularly works
here. Tie-up, Orton already with a Chinlock. Edge pushes
him off, Orton with a Shoulderblock. Tie-up again, Edge
with the advantage with a few shots, taking Orton into a
corner. Whip to the opposite corner, Orton reverses,
then catches Edge with a clothesline off the rebound.
THE GARVIN STOMP! THE GARVIN STOMP! RANDY ORTON NAILS
THE GARVIN STOMP, BAH GAWD! This is capped off with a
Knee Drop, followed by totally babyface hairpulling
between the ropes. Orton with the Guillotine Catapault
into the bottom rope. Edge escapes to the outside LIKE A
BAWSS, and Orton follows. Orton grabs Edge, only to be
pulled into the tax evading barricade! Edge with a Front
Suplex, slamming Orton rib-first onto the barricade!
Edge rolls in and out to break the count, before pulling
Orton back into the ring - cover, gets two. Orton's
favoring his left arm as Edge stomps him into the
corner. Randy kicks his way out of the corner, hits the
ropes, and gets taken down with the Kitchen Sink Knee.
Body Scissors on Orton, as Cole states that there isn't
anything hot about this. That'd really depend on your,
er, perspective, wouldn't it? Orton fights hard, but
struggles to break it. Finally, he gets in a series of
elbows that break it. But he can't rally, as Edge
catches Orton with the Stun Gun! Edge goes up top, but
Orton quickly catches him. Orton goes up top with him,
looks for a Superplex. But it's 2010, so Edge headbutts
him to the mat. Edge tries to stand up, only to be
crotched onto the top rope! And Orton goes back up -
SUPERPLEX! Jesus Christ, he actually got it off, I can't
believe it! It's a miracle!! They trade shots back and
forth upon getting up. Edge hits the ropes, takes a
couple of clotheslines, then runs into a Snap Powerslam
for two! Orton with an Irish Whip, Edge reverses and
nails a Big Boot!
Orton gets onto the apron, Edge rushes, gets
caught with a knee. Orton then switches up their
positions, and plants him with the Rope-Assisted DDT!
Orton with a cover, but Edge gets his foot on the ropes!
Edge rolls to the outside, Orton pulls him up to the
apron by the hair - Edge with the Hot Shot on Orton!
Orton recoils to the corner, and Edge is in position for
the Spear! Edge rushes - only to be caught with a punt
to the face! Orton starts his tantrum-like stalking, as
he looks for the RKO...and suddenly injures himself. At
first I thought he was selling the arm injury from
before, but then I remembered reading about how Orton
injured himself by taunting. Yeah, here it is, likely.
Wow...that's...that's amazing. He hurt his arm by
slamming it onto the mat. What is this, I don't
even..Orton kicks Edge to the outside, then follows.
Edge fights back a bit - goes for the Spear, but Orton
dodges it, and Edge rams into the barricade!
Aaaand..Double Count Out. Damn, that count was quick. I
guess that injury must've been serious, for this kind of
ending.
Winner: Not a soul in the world
Rating: **1/2
The thing was still building when this
ridiculous injury came up. Looked good up until that
point. Very unfortunate, and while I'm sure Orton
injuring himself by slapping the fucking mat, for God's
sakes, is sure to be parodied many times by..well,
all of our TWF Recappers, I do hope that it isn't
that serious.
And just to get said parodies started; this
injury gives me a new perspective on just how dangerous
a WWE Referee's job really is. I mean, Orton has been
slamming his arms onto the mat for years now, and he
suddenly sustains an injury like this..it's telling, it
truly is, and it makes you realize the fact that
Referees put their bodies on the line, night after
night, every time they go down to make a count! If you
ask me, the WWE should be preventing this - I demand
that the WWE come up with a safer way to count a
pinfall! And I also command that you register at
www.ewcf.co.nr - the most awesomest wrestling forum that
ever awesomed~! ...it has little to do with the rest of
this paragraph, but still! You should! I'd do it for
you.
Recap of Swagger's Norris Facts promo.
Greatness is his neighbor, and Success is his best
friend. And Glory was his Scout Leader! (...nothing
happened.) Swagger also has a black eye tonight. Damn,
Brown's got a lot of boyfriends nowadays..
World
Heavyweight Champion: Jack Swagger (c) vs. The Big Show
Swagger tries for a Takedown early, Show
shoves him off. Another attempt, Show breaks it with his
knee. Show pushes Swagger into the ropes, Swagger
rebounds with a Go Behind, and seems to be looking for a
German Suplex, because he's a dumbass. Even if you got
him off the ground, that'd still end terribly for you.
Show whips behind Swagger, and gets in a Belly-To-Back
trip, for a quick two count. Swagger rolls to the
outside for a breather. And now Show with some Steiner
push-ups. That's one big HAH?! Swagger jumps into the
ring, and gets caught with a Big Boot! Show shoves
Swagger into the corner - gets the SHUSH chop off! And
Cole compares his hands to frying pans!! VINTAGE MEME~!
Show chokes Swagger onto the ropes. Show whips Swagger
to the ropes, hooks him for a Chokeslam, but Swagger
escapes and gets to the outside. This seems to draw a
good bit of heat for Swagger. In an eerily similar spot
to the Edge/Orton match, Show pulls Swagger up to the
apron by the head, only to get caught with a Hot Shot
onto the top rope. Swagger in the ring, ducks a
clothesline - low Shoulderblock takes Show off his feet!
Show to his knees, gets another Low Shoulderblock! VADAH
SPLASH~! And another, gets a nearfall - Show throwing
Swagger to the outside with his kickout! Swagger
scrambles back into the ring, tries for a Chinlock - but
Show elevates him and hurls him to the mat. Two
clotheslines from Show, whips Swagger to the corner.
Reverse Avalanche, shoulderblock from Big Show which
gets a scream from Jerry Lawler. Pussy. Show does his
hand raising thing, then goes for the Chokeslam, but
Swagger kicks his way out, only to be shoved to the
outside by the throat. So Swagger retrieves the World
Title, and clocks Show with it, getting the DQ.
Winner: Big Show
Rating: **
FACKING BOOLSHIIT!
Swagger with a second shot, that takes Show
down. Show continues stirring, so Swagger gets a chair
and hits him in the back with it. I actually consider
this a deserving attack, due to Show being such a douche
these last few weeks. A few more shots, but Show doesn't
stay down, and eventually takes Swagger down with a
Chokeslam. Show proceeds to break the chair over
Swagger's back, before Chokeslamming him onto it.
Knockout punch follows. Refs help Swagger to the back.
Oof.
Seems to be a mistep on commentary, as Cole
says the I Quit match is up in a few moments, but the
Diva's Title match is up next. During a recap vid of
Batista beating up Mark Henry, Cole also mentions that
Batista "continued to punish and bury Mark Henry."
SHOOT! SHOOT! IT'S A SHOOT~!
Cut TO THE BACK~! for an interview with
Batista. Matthews says that Cena has promised he won't
quit - and asks if he will make him quit. Teest claims
that after RAW went off the air, Cena was screaming his
submission. o i c wut u did thar. Tonight, he'll do it
again, and this time he'll make sure the world hears it.
Diva's
Championship: Maryse vs. Eve Torres (c)
I think that's how you spell her name. I've
never actually typed it, and my computer's screwing up
and is only showing bits and pieces of the vid at the
moment, so I didn't see the "nametag" thing. Anyway, the
two come nose-to-nose. Maryse does the "talk to the
hand" thing. Eve bats her hand away, and Maryse responds
with a kick. Maryse shoves Eve shouldefirst into the
steel post. Maryse stomps on Eve. I can barely even see
what's going on, as my computer is seriously screwy
right now. Maryse with a sort of Reverse Russian
Legsweep. I assume this is foreshadowing for when she
will eventually come out from the crowd with a Singapore
Cane, and pour beer down her own chest. Maryse with a
Camel Clutch. PURPOSEFULLY SUGGESTIVE POSITIONS FTW. Eve
escapes, and gets knocked to the outside, as the vid
freezes for the nintienth time. Going by commentary here
- Maryse seemed to miss a kick on the outside, and
accidentally kick the Steel Post. Back in the ring, Eve
with a clothesline and dropkick. Eve with a Standing
Moonsault, for a nearfall. Eve with a Sunset Flip, but
Maryse kicks out, then gets a hard double-leg kick to
the face of Eve, which earns a nearfall. Maryse is
angered at this, and the two trade punches. Eve with a
big Flatliner, and that gets..two?! Wha?! Maryse seems
to get some sort of double knee move in, I don't know.
Fortunately, from here I can switch from Sapo to my own
downloaded part, which isn't so damned slow and buggy.
Maryse pulls Eve up by the hair, and tries for the DDT,
but Eve counters out, and does some kind of move where
she slams Maryse's head into mat, using her crotch.
Whatever, this gets the pin for Eve.
Winner: Eve Torres
Rating: **2/3
Keeping in mind that Diva's matches are
rated on a differant scale..this was actually a pretty
good match for a Diva's title match,. Unfortunately, my
computer randomly being incredibly slow made it tougher
to catch. Might've gotten three stars if the finish
wasn't so stupid.
Alright, so the last match is up next. The
first half of the show was damned good, but the second
half has seemed to drop off. Let's see how it ends..
I Quit
Match for the WWE Championship: Batista vs. John Cena
(c)
'Teest steals the mic from the ref, and
tells Cena he knows he made him quit last week, so he
knows what he can do to him. So 'Teest gives Cena a
chance to say he quits before he beats his ass. Batista
gives the mic back to the ref - ASK HIM! He asks, Cena
takes up the mic, and says "I don't think so", before
hitting 'Teest with the mic! This takes Batista to the
outside, where Cena retrieves a chair. He tries for a
shot against Batista, as he leans against the pole.
Teest dodges, and Cena hurts his hands swinging it.
Batista gets back in the ring, Cena follows and gets
caught with a big clothesline. Batista with an SVR
Powerwhip into the corner. Teest with a Snapmare,
followed by a Running Kick. He started to go for an
instinctive pin, but the Ref stopped him. Cena fights
back, goes for an Irish Whip, Batista reverses and nails
an elbow on Cena. 'Teest throws Cena shoulderfirst into
the turnbuckle post. Ref asks Cena if he wants to quit,
Cena says no, so Batista knocks him off the apron. On
the outside, 'Teest shoves Cena into the tax evading
barricade..'s adjacent sister, who is completely
innocent of all charges. Batista's such a bastard for
harming her! Back in the ring, Batista with a Suplex.
Teest whips Cena to the corner, Cena dodges a rush, gets
a number of Shoulderblocks in, followed by the Proto
Bomb. Cena sets up for the Five Knucke Shuffle - hits
it. Cena sets up for the AA - still for quitters, by the
way - but Batista grabs the ropes to escape from it.
Cena charges, but Batista grabs the ref, using him as a
shield. Cena gets the ref out of the way, only to be
caught with a huge Spear! And now Batista with the
Batista Bite! (that new submission move..that's what
it's called, apparantly) The Ref asks if Cena wants to
quit, but he says no. Cena's right in the middle, he
can't seem to break it.
Slowly, he starts to stand, and somehow
counters into the STF! (File skipped a bit between
parts..) Ref asks Teest, but he says no. Batista gets to
the ropes, but there's no break in this match. Batista
seems to pass out here. The Ref asks Batista if he wants
to quit, but there's no response. So Cena goes outside,
and gets..a bottle of water? Cena drenches him with
water to wake him up. Ref asks if he wants to quit, but
Teest says no. Cena probably wishes at this point, that
it was Michael Tarver he was fighting, and that it was
Pepsi he poured instead of water. Pour some Pepsi on
him, and he'd be giving up in a heartbeat! Cena rushes
Batista, and gets caught with a Spinebuster! 'Teest goes
for the Batista Bomb - nails it! Ref asks him, Cena
hesitates..says no. Batista goes
outside, and strips the announce table. Which one, you
ask? What, did you start watching yesterday? Get outta
here, kid, ya bother me..actually, after stripping the
Spanish Announce Table, he starts doing the same to the
first, while Cole commands that we look at the (bored)
look in his eyes. 'Teest pulls Cena to the floor, then
pulls Cena onto the..American Announce Table? What do we
call it? Whatever..Batista seems to go for a Batista
Bomb onto this table, as Hugo and Carlos high five in
victory as their table shall be spared! But Cena
counters into AA position - only for Batista to slip
out, lift Cena up, and hit a Running Powerslam through
the Spanish Announce table! Hugo and Carlos proceed to
go home and slit their wrists.
Batista makes like Jericho, and tells the
Ref to ASK HIM~! Ref puts the mic in Cena's face, and
after a pause, he lets out a very depressed "no".
Seriously, he sounded like he had no more hope left in
life. A medic checks on Cena, until Batista pulls him
up, and throws him into the crowd! Batista pulls Cena up
the stairs, to the top of the audiance! They disapear
for a second, then emerge from the stairs onto the top
of a platform! Batista tells Cena that if he doesn't
quit, he'll throw him off! The Ref asks him, and Cena
says no. So Batista sets Cena up for the Batista Bomb,
but Cena fights out, and starts pulling Batista over the
railing! Cena pulls 'Teest to the opposite side - and
then knocks him from the platform, onto security gaurds!
The Ref asks Batista if he wants to quit, and he yells
no! Cena knocks Batista down the stairs, and beats him
on down to the ramp! Cena continues the attack, and
Batista moves to far beside the rampway - before
catching Cena with a chairshot to the ribs! 'Teest with
another Chairshot to the back, but they seem to be
lacking in power as they don't down Cena. A few more
shots, finally take him down on the side of the stage,
and Batista lays into him with shot after shot. The Ref
asks if he wants to quit, and he pauses for a long time
before saying no yet again. 'Teest throws the chair
across the stage..before getting into one of the cars?
Damn, I thought that was a prop! 'Teest backs up, trying
to hit Cena, and he rams into some of the lighting.
There's a long pause here, as Cena is gone, and Batista
seems to believe he's killed him, as he casually gets
out of the car. But Cena comes in from the side, and he
rams 'Teest into the car over and over again! Cena with
the Attitude Adjustment onto the hood of the car!
There's a court case for you. Ref asks if Batista wants
to quit and he says no. So Cena takes up the mic, and
says he was hoping he'd say that. Cena pulls Teest to
the top of the car, and puts him in AA position again!
The Ref asks 'Teest again, and Batista quits!
Winner: John Cena
Rating: ***
Really nice match-up here, ending the show
on a nice note. It was of course just brutal spot after
spot, but hey, it worked for me.
...and Cena AA's him through the damned
stage anyway! Cena celebrates, until he gets jumped by
Sheamus. And that ends the show. Huh.
So Batista's last WWE moment, most likely,
was being hit with a finisher that took him through the
stage?
...
...
...
And with that, I bid you good 'morrow,
future loyal members of ewcf.co.nr!
Jordan Huie is an incredibly sweet and innocent 16 year
old, that's American by birth, and Southern BAH THE
GRACE OF GAWD! Some people call him Zeel1. Some people
call him TheYTViewer. Some people call him Y2Z. Some
people call him Z-Truth. Some people call him
Maurrriiice~! *Wah-wow!* His typical attire is a combo
of T-Shirts with Affliction-esque designs, leather
jackets, sunglasses, and Houndstooth Fedoras, which he
enjoys wearing, even with the knowledge that it makes
him look like Jimmy Hart's rebellious grandson. His
first contact with any other living being was of a horse
with a busted leg, who's owner shot himself, because he
couldn't bare the weight of shooting said horse. Jordan,
naturally, named the horse "Lucky", and Lucky walked
through many mountains and valleys, despite his searing
pains, to bring Jordan to his parents. His parents, in
return, immediately shot Lucky, to show their
appreciation. It is believed that this experience is
what makes him the teenager he is today.
TWF FLASHBACK
November 2006
SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!
With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).
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