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File:Over the Limit (2010).jpgWWE OVER THE LIMIT 2010
(05/23/10)
By Jordan Huie

 

The theme of this event and recap is Crash by Fit For Rivals. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GbsFdDphFg

 

There's no Earthly way of knowing..which direction we are going. There's no knowing where we're rowing, or which way the river's flowing. Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a-blowing? Not a speck of light is showing, so the danger must be growing..are the fires of Hell a-glowing? Is the grizzly Reaper mowing?! YES! The danger must be growing, so the rowers keep on rowing!!! And they're certainly not showing any signs that they are slowing!!! AAAAAAAHHHHH! ...oh, sorry, the excitement forced me into big-lipped alligator moment there for a second. Willy Wonka aside, this is Over The Limit! Under Arrest! Strap yourselves in, 'cause we're getting 0.08 BAC up in this bitch! 

 

Opening vid seemingly puts down Speed Limits. Yeah, that's not a bad message to send to kids, or anything. Pyro shoots down the limit meter logo..alright, that was kinda cool. Still standing here in the Joe Louis Arena! Jerry Lawler has an Affliction-esque shirt on. I have one just like it. Congratulations, WWE - you've made a 16-year-old feel old! IC Title Match up first.

 

 

Intercontinental Championship: Kofi Kingston vs. Drew McIntyre (c)

 

Have I mentioned I'm in love with McIntyre's theme? Kofi starts off with a number of shots, Drew shoves him away, goes for a clothesline, Kofi ducks - gets off a number of kicks, followed by a Single Leg Dropkick! Twice as flashy, half as effective, that's my motto. McIntyre gets clotheslined to the outside, and then kicks the barricade, Jericho-style. Damned thing had it coming. Been evading taxes for years. Kofi with a Suicide Dive onto McIntyre! *Sigh* Can't say I didn't see this coming. He didn't have a job, his wife left him, child support payments piling up..oh, wait, still alive. Kofi pulls McIntyre up, but he fights back and re-enters the ring. Kofi follows, attacks McIntyre with a Jumping Clothesline. Kofi goes for the Boom Drop, but McIntyre rolls to the outside. Kofi pulls him back up to the apron by the hair, but McIntyre shoves him across the apron and into the ringpost! Nice. McIntyre shoves Kofi into the apron, then throws him into the ring. McIntyre pounds him into the corner. Short Arm Knee Lift, into a Gutbuster, for two. McIntyre puts Kofi in a weird Crossface variation. Striker doesn't name it, which disapoints me. How am I supposed to learn with you in silence?! Kofi hiptosses out of it. McIntyre whips Kofi to the corner, Kofi tries for the floatover, but McIntyre shuts that shit down with a kick to the ribs in mid-air. Finlay-like Forearm-to-the-face-cover gets two.

 

McIntyre goes up top, seems to try for a splash but Kofi gets two boots up into his face! There's a good way to screw your neck up. Kofi ducks a clotheslines, starts rallying with backhands, Dropkick to the corner! High Corner Punches, which make Striker call for disqaulification. Methinks matches would suck with Striker as ref. Kofi tries to pull McIntyre by the legs, but he kicks Kofi away. Kofi charges McIntyre, McIntyre tosses Kofi up into the corner, but Kofi lands on his feet on the second rope! Kofi kicks McIntyre away, Crossbody gets two! Kofi tries to pull McIntyre up - gets caught with a Gutbuster! This gets a nearfall. I see no gore on the mat, so I'm going to chalk that up as yet another false advertisement. McIntyre tries to throw Kofi into the corner, but Kofi counters, and throws him shoulder-first into the opposite ringpost. Kofi sets McIntyre up on the bottom rope, nails the Boom Drop from there. Wouldn't elevating them make it hurt slightly less? Anyway, this gets a nearfall. Kofi goes for the Trouble In Paradise - McIntyre ducks, and hooks for the Future Shock DDT, but Kofi twists out of it and nails the SOS! Kofi with the cover, and that's it!

 

Winner: Kofi Kingston

 

Rating: ***

 

Great match, wish it went on for a few more minutes.

 

 

Post-match, McIntyre gets on the mic. He says that he'll only say this once - this Pay-Per-View is going to stop until Teddy Long gets out here and reverses the decision. So of course, out comes Matt Hardy to the ring. McIntyre goes for a clothesline, Matt ducks and nails the Twist Of Fate!

 

Cut to see Punk staring into a mirror. He says "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the purest of them all?" No, seriously, he does. Serena and Gallows answer "CM Punk" for him. He tells us that while Gallows doesn't like him, Mysterio joining them is for the greater good. They plan to give birth to the Straightedge Mysterio. Serena and Gallows then snuggle up against Punk. No, really, they do.

 

Recap video of DiBiase trying to make R-Truth into his slave. Virgil does indeed accompany DiBiase, and Cole notes him as the REAL Virgil. As opposed to the hundreds of fakes out there. Often imitated, never duplicated.

 

 

R-Truth vs. Ted DiBiase (w/Virgil)

 

Lock-up, DiBiase singles out the arm. Truth counters with an armbar, DiBiase shoves Truth into the corner, forcing the break. Waistlock on Truth, Truth counters with an Arm Drag. DiBiase with a slap, inciting Truth to get all over his cracker ass. Truth goes for an Irish Whip to the corner, DiBiase reverses, Truth with the floatover, splits duck, Heel Kick to the jaw of DiBiase. Truth clotheslines DiBiase to the outside. Virgil checks on DiBiase. Truth goes outside, confronts Virgil, who starts taking his jacket off. DiBiase tries to attack from behind, but R-Truth strikes first and throws DiBiase into the ring. Virgil starts to follow up the stairs, distracting Truth - allowing DiBiase to hit a neckbreaker! DiBiase hurls Truth to the outside, thrusts him into the barricade and throws him back in. Truth fights back, hits the ropes, runs into a Flapjack! *Insert Aunt Jemima joke here.* This gets a nearfall. R-Truth tries to fight back, hits the ropes - but DiBiase hits them as well, and Truth turns around into a clothesline! This gets two for DiBiase. DiBiase puts Truth into a Chinlock. Truth fights out - only to take a Back Suplex, for two. DiBiase goes up top, goes for a Double Axe Handle, only for Truth to catch him in mid-air. DiBiase is attacked in the corner, Truth takes him up top, and hooks him for a Superplex! DiBiase fights back, knocks him to the mat! DiBiase stands, and Truth crotches onto the top rope! DiBiase stumbles up, into a series of clotheslines, followed up by a Deep Hip Toss! Flatliner, gets a nearfall! Truth goes for the Scissors Kick, only to be taken down with an Electric Chair! Nice, this gets another nearfall. Truth hits the ropes, ducks a clothesline, and seems to be going for a Boston Crab of sorts, but DiBiase escapes on the ropes. Truth pulls DiBiase up - nails him with the Suplex Stunner that he calls the Truth or Consequences, this gets a nearfall! Lie Detector follows - and that's it!

 

Winner: R-Truth

 

Rating: **2/3

 

Solid match-up, if lacking in heat. I think Virgil did well, although I think I'd have liked it better if he had something to do with the finish.

 

 

Speaking of slaves, we cut TO THE BACK~! to see Teddy Long talking to someone on the phone, only be interupted by Drew McIntyre, demanding he change the result of the match. Teddy says he can't do that - but McIntyre says he can and he will. He also demands that he fire Matt Hardy. Teddy says that he won't. McIntyre responds by tearing up his office, throwing chairs and tables around. He then glares at the Martin Luther King Jr. picture that Long always has. Teddy begs him not to do anything to it, saying it means a lot to him. Drew grabs the picture frame, then stops and says that he wants the picture to stay. He says that Martin Luther is a revolutionary and a leader, whereas Teddy Long is spineless. Drew says the picture stays, because Drew is more like him then Teddy will ever be. Punk/Mysterio XXXVVIII up next.

 

 

CM Punk vs. Rey Mysterio (Dignity Raping vs. Forced Salvation)

 

The two come together in the ring. Punk pledges, and Mysterio oddly enough seems to do the same, before being jumped by Punk. Punk stomps Rey into the corner. Rey fights out, and gets the Corner Punches in the opposite corner. Punk escapes, and knees the back of Mysterio. Punk pulls Mysterio out, throws him to the ropes, goes for a Back Body Drop, but Rey counters with a kick, hits the ropes, only to be Back Body Dropped to the outside! Punk with a Plancha, Rey dodges, leaving Punk to crash onto the floor! Rey re-enters the ring, and nails a Baseball Slide Hurricarana, sending Punk into the tax evading barricade! Mysterio tosses Punk into the ring, Springboard Hurricarana takes Punk to the middle ropes! Mysterio goes for the 619 - but Punk slips out and catches Rey with a knee, before tossing him between the ropes and into the Barber's Chair! Looked a lot more painful then it sounded. Speaking of the Barber's Chair, I am disapointed in the lack of a Barber's Pole. And some blood for Punk. A ref and a medic in the ring, checking onto Punk. Meanwhile, Mysterio's outside, having been so for about 40 seconds, but no count thanks to the blood. Mysterio finally gets into the ring, which the announcers put over as showing the passion of this feud. And the fans respond to this passion by starting a Boring chant. Ingrates! After a moment of this, Punk dashes away from the officials and Baseball Slides Mysterio to the ring!

 

Apparantly pissed at the boring chants, Punk is very quick in this assault, tossing Mysterio into that bastardly barricade! Punk hurls Mysterio into the wall, and then Snap Suplexes him onto the floor! Damn, son, Mysterio's twitching like Jeff Hardy circa 2003. Punk throws Mysterio into the ring, hits a Heelow, for two! Punk gets Mysterio into a Figure Four Headscissors. Mysterio slowly fights out of it, catches Punk with a Back Kick, hits the ropes, Wheelbarrows into a Roll-Up, for two! Rey hits the ropes, and runs right into a Lunging Clothesline! This gets a nearfall, and a close-up on the bloody Punk shows him putting on his best Rapeface. Punk with a few Pledging Elbow Drops, for a nearfall. Punk pulls Rey to his feet, whips Rey to the corner, gets caught with a kick, and Rey nails a Sunset Flip Bomb, for a nearfall! Punk and Mysterio fight their way up, Punk throws him to the ropes, Mysterio ducks a clothesline, nails a Springboard Crossbody for a nearfall! Rey tries for an Irish Whip, Punk reverses, Rey floatsover to the apron, takes Punk back with a shot, then nails a West Coast Pop! Mysterio hits the ropes, ducks under a kick, and nails a Standing variation of the same move, for two! Uppgrayedd! Punk whips Mysterio into the corner, Rey floatsover Punk, rushes him - only to get elevated into the turnbuckle! Rey turns around, and gets nailed with the Pepsi One! Punk tries for the follow up bulldog, but Rey gets out. Punk grabs a leg, and Rey flips him to the middle ropes!

 

Rey goes for another 619 - but Punk counters into a Double Underhook Backbreaker! This gets a very narrow two count! Punk puts the rapeface back on, as he pulls Rey into GTS position! Rey elbows out, goes for a Rana, but Punk holds on, pulls him back up, and Powerbombs him into the Corner! Punk goes up top, for a Flying Bulldog onto Mysterio! God, I'm loving this, another nearfall! Punk with a combonation of kicks, ending with a Norris Roundhouse Kick to the head, for two! Punk rushes Rey near the ropes, Rey catches him with an elbow, tries for a Springboard Moonsault, but Punk catches him, and goes for the 619! But Mysterio arm drags him to the middle rope - 619! Mysterio tries to follow up with the splash, but Punk sits up, causing Mysterio to crash onto the mat! Punk laughs, and goes for a casual cover on Mysterio - but Mysterio rolls him up, for the three!! That's it!

 

Winner: Rey

 

Rating: ****1/4

 

That was, quite simply, awesome.

 

 

Post-match, Punk is freaking out until the SVR09 Mystery Man attacks Mysterio! He pounds on Rey, and out comes Gallows and Serena! And Luke's got handcuffs! They start to handcuff Rey to the ropes, to keep him from shaving Punk..and out comes Kane?! What the hell, Rey's former master and torturer attacks the SES, throwing the Mystery man to the outside! Chokeslam on CM Punk! Kane beats Gallows up the ramp..while Mysterio hooks Punk to the ropes with the handcuffs! They continue fighting, until Mysterio hits a Baseball Slide to the legs of Punk, followed up by an Inverted 619! Second set of handcuffs, lock Punk completely to the ropes! Mysterio brings in the clippers, and continues beating on Punk, before shaving his hair! As if shaving angles weren't awkward enough, Rey's doing it while he's handcuffed to the ropes, bloody, and being beaten on..and while this happens, Jerry Lawler says "Goodbye Purity"! God, no wonder they call it Dignity Raping! Rey stops, leaving a lot of hair left on the back. Creepily enough, Rey holds up locks of hair in triumph! When Rey finally leaves, Serena comes in and puts a towel over Punk's head. But Rey comes back with a mirror, and tosses the towel off. Punk is pissed at this, and starts trying to kick at Mysterio. Punk finally gets unhooked, and Serena and the Mystery Man take Punk to the back with towels.

 

Well, that was incredibly very disturbing, so let's just continue on with this recap and not mention it again.

 

Cut TO THE BACK~! to see Big Show run in place, only to be confronted by Chris Motherfucking Jericho! Jericho thanks him - because if it wasn't for his arrogance, Miz and Jericho (Jiz?) would never have teamed together. And now that they have, they've proven that they never needed him. Jericho calls Show the deadweight of the team, and now that they've trimmed the fat, they're going all the way. Chris tells him that they are going to become the Unified Tag Team Champions, and Show will be left with nothing. While Jericho talks bad about Show, up comes The Miz behind him. Jericho calls Show a Cheapshot Artist. Show says that Miz needs to stop staring at his back, or else he's going to knock him out. Miz quietly backs away, as does Jericho.

 

 

WWE Unified Tag Team Championships: Chris Jericho and The Miz (Chrismiz? Sounds festive.) vs. The Hart Dynasty (Tyson Kidd and DH Smith w/Natayla)

 

Miz starts out with Kidd. Takes him down with a few blows, then goes for a Body Slam, but Kidd gets out the back, hits a Snapmare, gets off a combo of Snapping Kicks to the back and chest of Miz! Tag out to DH, Double Vertical Suplex to start, then Kidd leaves DH to finish it off, delaying it for a number of seconds before bringing him down! Miz is knocked to the outside, in comes Jericho, and DH Back Body Drops Jericho to the outside! DH Press Slam's Tyson onto Jericho and Miz, who are kind enough to catch him and even help him land on his feet, like any good citizen being attacked should do. Kidd takes Miz into the ring, and is apparantly legal. Cover, gets two. Miz takes Kidd into the corner, Jericho gets tagged in to epic this match up a little. A Y2J-chant starts, but seeing as he hates that nickname now, one could easily call this a fanfail. Jericho beats on Kidd for a bit, before going for a Back Body Drop, of which Kidd lands on his feet off of. Kidd with a Rolling Wheel Kick, DH tagged, Kidd Drop Toe Holds Jericho down for a Legdrop from DH. DH whips Jericho to the corner, Jericho gets the boot up, and goes up top for a Missle Dropkick! Once the mushroom cloud clears, Jericho hits a Baseball Slide to take DH - who now most likely has three testicles - to the outside. Miz hops down for a quick kick to the head of DH. Smith rolls back into the ring, and takes a Back Suplex, which earns a two count. Jericho with a Chinlock. DH fights out, Jericho hits the ropes, and gets taken down with a Side Slam. Jericho and DH fight to their corners, but Jericho tags in Miz first and he intercepts DH, beating him into the mat. Running Kick to the seated DH, gets two. Miz gets a Chinlock on DH, but DH counters into the second Electric Chair Drop of the night. Jericho and Kidd both tagged in, but since Kidd's face, he takes control. Kidd ducks a clothesline, then nails a Rolling Elbow, and a series of dropkicks. Big Running Dropkick to a kneeling Jericho..dammit. Kidd knocks Miz off the apron, then jumps onto Jericho in the ring, for some odd roll-up that I can barely even explain. This gets two. Kidd tries for a Rana - but Jericho counters with the Walls!!! TAP! TAP YOU TEENYBOPPER LOOKING MANBITCH! Nah, it's 2010, so he escapes on the ropes.

 

Kidd rolls to the apron, and from there gets in a Heel Kick on Jericho. Kidd with the Springboard - flying right into the Codebreaker, bah Gawd!!! About 20 seconds later, Jericho covers, and Kidd kicks out. Kidd with a Snap Kick to the head of Jericho, from the mat. Kidd tags in DH, who decimates Jericho and Miz. Corner charge, Jericho catches him with an elbow, only to run right into a Powerslam, for three! DH tries for a Running Powerslam, but Jericho escapes, pushes Smith to the ropes, Miz clips him from the outside, and Smith stumbles into an Inside Cradle for a nearfall! This enrages Jericho and Miz, and oddly enough it's Miz that kicks the bottom rope. Damned thing had it coming, it feeds kittens to iguanas whenever people don't mention locations in their recaps. Jericho hits the ropes, only for Natayla to trip Jericho up. This leads to a Running Powerslam from Smith! Smith covers Jericho - and he barely kicks out! Of course, I'm sure he wasn't actually hurt. He just let him pin for a bit, so he could feel strong. Really, he could've kicked out much sooner, but he's too much of a decent human being to humiliate someone like that. Anyway, Smith whips Jericho to the ropes, Jericho tags out to Miz mid-dash, Jericho ducks a clothesline, is caught with a Big Boot - and in comes Miz, to nail Smith with a move that's similar to the old Reality Check, for a narrow nearfall! Miz goes for the Sharpshooter on Smith, but it's countered into an Inside Cradle, for two! Miz throws Smith facefirst into the corner, and goes for the Skull Crushing Finale off the rebound! But Smith shoves Miz to the ropes where he knocks off Jericho! Off the rebound, Smith catches Miz with a roll-up, only for Miz to counter with one of his own, but Smith barely kicks out! Signature Corner Clothesline - but Smith grabs Miz and lifts him into Hart Attack position! Kidd with a blind tag, he comes in - and the Hart Attack on Miz! And that puts him away.

 

Winners: The Hart Dynasty

 

Rating: ***

 

Solid match, and I think the finish was very well put together.

 

 

Edge/Orton up next. Edge seems to have a shiner tonight. Methinks he might be dating Chris Brown.

 

 

Randy Orton vs. Edge

 

There's a long pause at the beggining of the match as the two size each other up, trying to let the anticipation build. Don't think it particularly works here. Tie-up, Orton already with a Chinlock. Edge pushes him off, Orton with a Shoulderblock. Tie-up again, Edge with the advantage with a few shots, taking Orton into a corner. Whip to the opposite corner, Orton reverses, then catches Edge with a clothesline off the rebound. THE GARVIN STOMP! THE GARVIN STOMP! RANDY ORTON NAILS THE GARVIN STOMP, BAH GAWD! This is capped off with a Knee Drop, followed by totally babyface hairpulling between the ropes. Orton with the Guillotine Catapault into the bottom rope. Edge escapes to the outside LIKE A BAWSS, and Orton follows. Orton grabs Edge, only to be pulled into the tax evading barricade! Edge with a Front Suplex, slamming Orton rib-first onto the barricade! Edge rolls in and out to break the count, before pulling Orton back into the ring - cover, gets two. Orton's favoring his left arm as Edge stomps him into the corner. Randy kicks his way out of the corner, hits the ropes, and gets taken down with the Kitchen Sink Knee. Body Scissors on Orton, as Cole states that there isn't anything hot about this. That'd really depend on your, er, perspective, wouldn't it? Orton fights hard, but struggles to break it. Finally, he gets in a series of elbows that break it. But he can't rally, as Edge catches Orton with the Stun Gun! Edge goes up top, but Orton quickly catches him. Orton goes up top with him, looks for a Superplex. But it's 2010, so Edge headbutts him to the mat. Edge tries to stand up, only to be crotched onto the top rope! And Orton goes back up - SUPERPLEX! Jesus Christ, he actually got it off, I can't believe it! It's a miracle!! They trade shots back and forth upon getting up. Edge hits the ropes, takes a couple of clotheslines, then runs into a Snap Powerslam for two! Orton with an Irish Whip, Edge reverses and nails a Big Boot!

 

Orton gets onto the apron, Edge rushes, gets caught with a knee. Orton then switches up their positions, and plants him with the Rope-Assisted DDT! Orton with a cover, but Edge gets his foot on the ropes! Edge rolls to the outside, Orton pulls him up to the apron by the hair - Edge with the Hot Shot on Orton! Orton recoils to the corner, and Edge is in position for the Spear! Edge rushes - only to be caught with a punt to the face! Orton starts his tantrum-like stalking, as he looks for the RKO...and suddenly injures himself. At first I thought he was selling the arm injury from before, but then I remembered reading about how Orton injured himself by taunting. Yeah, here it is, likely. Wow...that's...that's amazing. He hurt his arm by slamming it onto the mat. What is this, I don't even..Orton kicks Edge to the outside, then follows. Edge fights back a bit - goes for the Spear, but Orton dodges it, and Edge rams into the barricade! Aaaand..Double Count Out. Damn, that count was quick. I guess that injury must've been serious, for this kind of ending.

 

Winner: Not a soul in the world

 

Rating: **1/2

 

The thing was still building when this ridiculous injury came up. Looked good up until that point. Very unfortunate, and while I'm sure Orton injuring himself by slapping the fucking mat, for God's sakes, is sure to be parodied many times by..well, all of our TWF Recappers, I do hope that it isn't that serious.

 

 

And just to get said parodies started; this injury gives me a new perspective on just how dangerous a WWE Referee's job really is. I mean, Orton has been slamming his arms onto the mat for years now, and he suddenly sustains an injury like this..it's telling, it truly is, and it makes you realize the fact that Referees put their bodies on the line, night after night, every time they go down to make a count! If you ask me, the WWE should be preventing this - I demand that the WWE come up with a safer way to count a pinfall! And I also command that you register at www.ewcf.co.nr - the most awesomest wrestling forum that ever awesomed~! ...it has little to do with the rest of this paragraph, but still! You should! I'd do it for you.

 

Recap of Swagger's Norris Facts promo. Greatness is his neighbor, and Success is his best friend. And Glory was his Scout Leader! (...nothing happened.) Swagger also has a black eye tonight. Damn, Brown's got a lot of boyfriends nowadays..

 

 

World Heavyweight Champion: Jack Swagger (c) vs. The Big Show

 

Swagger tries for a Takedown early, Show shoves him off. Another attempt, Show breaks it with his knee. Show pushes Swagger into the ropes, Swagger rebounds with a Go Behind, and seems to be looking for a German Suplex, because he's a dumbass. Even if you got him off the ground, that'd still end terribly for you. Show whips behind Swagger, and gets in a Belly-To-Back trip, for a quick two count. Swagger rolls to the outside for a breather. And now Show with some Steiner push-ups. That's one big HAH?! Swagger jumps into the ring, and gets caught with a Big Boot! Show shoves Swagger into the corner - gets the SHUSH chop off! And Cole compares his hands to frying pans!! VINTAGE MEME~! Show chokes Swagger onto the ropes. Show whips Swagger to the ropes, hooks him for a Chokeslam, but Swagger escapes and gets to the outside. This seems to draw a good bit of heat for Swagger. In an eerily similar spot to the Edge/Orton match, Show pulls Swagger up to the apron by the head, only to get caught with a Hot Shot onto the top rope. Swagger in the ring, ducks a clothesline - low Shoulderblock takes Show off his feet! Show to his knees, gets another Low Shoulderblock! VADAH SPLASH~! And another, gets a nearfall - Show throwing Swagger to the outside with his kickout! Swagger scrambles back into the ring, tries for a Chinlock - but Show elevates him and hurls him to the mat. Two clotheslines from Show, whips Swagger to the corner. Reverse Avalanche, shoulderblock from Big Show which gets a scream from Jerry Lawler. Pussy. Show does his hand raising thing, then goes for the Chokeslam, but Swagger kicks his way out, only to be shoved to the outside by the throat. So Swagger retrieves the World Title, and clocks Show with it, getting the DQ.

 

Winner: Big Show

 

Rating: **

 

FACKING BOOLSHIIT!

 

 

Swagger with a second shot, that takes Show down. Show continues stirring, so Swagger gets a chair and hits him in the back with it. I actually consider this a deserving attack, due to Show being such a douche these last few weeks. A few more shots, but Show doesn't stay down, and eventually takes Swagger down with a Chokeslam. Show proceeds to break the chair over Swagger's back, before Chokeslamming him onto it. Knockout punch follows. Refs help Swagger to the back.

 

Oof.

 

Seems to be a mistep on commentary, as Cole says the I Quit match is up in a few moments, but the Diva's Title match is up next. During a recap vid of Batista beating up Mark Henry, Cole also mentions that Batista "continued to punish and bury Mark Henry." SHOOT! SHOOT! IT'S A SHOOT~!

 

Cut TO THE BACK~! for an interview with Batista. Matthews says that Cena has promised he won't quit - and asks if he will make him quit. Teest claims that after RAW went off the air, Cena was screaming his submission. o i c wut u did thar. Tonight, he'll do it again, and this time he'll make sure the world hears it.

 

 

Diva's Championship: Maryse vs. Eve Torres (c)

 

I think that's how you spell her name. I've never actually typed it, and my computer's screwing up and is only showing bits and pieces of the vid at the moment, so I didn't see the "nametag" thing. Anyway, the two come nose-to-nose. Maryse does the "talk to the hand" thing. Eve bats her hand away, and Maryse responds with a kick. Maryse shoves Eve shouldefirst into the steel post. Maryse stomps on Eve. I can barely even see what's going on, as my computer is seriously screwy right now. Maryse with a sort of Reverse Russian Legsweep. I assume this is foreshadowing for when she will eventually come out from the crowd with a Singapore Cane, and pour beer down her own chest. Maryse with a Camel Clutch. PURPOSEFULLY SUGGESTIVE POSITIONS FTW. Eve escapes, and gets knocked to the outside, as the vid freezes for the nintienth time. Going by commentary here - Maryse seemed to miss a kick on the outside, and accidentally kick the Steel Post. Back in the ring, Eve with a clothesline and dropkick. Eve with a Standing Moonsault, for a nearfall. Eve with a Sunset Flip, but Maryse kicks out, then gets a hard double-leg kick to the face of Eve, which earns a nearfall. Maryse is angered at this, and the two trade punches. Eve with a big Flatliner, and that gets..two?! Wha?! Maryse seems to get some sort of double knee move in, I don't know. Fortunately, from here I can switch from Sapo to my own downloaded part, which isn't so damned slow and buggy. Maryse pulls Eve up by the hair, and tries for the DDT, but Eve counters out, and does some kind of move where she slams Maryse's head into mat, using her crotch. Whatever, this gets the pin for Eve.

 

Winner: Eve Torres

 

Rating: **2/3

 

Keeping in mind that Diva's matches are rated on a differant scale..this was actually a pretty good match for a Diva's title match,. Unfortunately, my computer randomly being incredibly slow made it tougher to catch. Might've gotten three stars if the finish wasn't so stupid.

 

 

Alright, so the last match is up next. The first half of the show was damned good, but the second half has seemed to drop off. Let's see how it ends..

 

 

I Quit Match for the WWE Championship: Batista vs. John Cena (c)

 

'Teest steals the mic from the ref, and tells Cena he knows he made him quit last week, so he knows what he can do to him. So 'Teest gives Cena a chance to say he quits before he beats his ass. Batista gives the mic back to the ref - ASK HIM! He asks, Cena takes up the mic, and says "I don't think so", before hitting 'Teest with the mic! This takes Batista to the outside, where Cena retrieves a chair. He tries for a shot against Batista, as he leans against the pole. Teest dodges, and Cena hurts his hands swinging it. Batista gets back in the ring, Cena follows and gets caught with a big clothesline. Batista with an SVR Powerwhip into the corner. Teest with a Snapmare, followed by a Running Kick. He started to go for an instinctive pin, but the Ref stopped him. Cena fights back, goes for an Irish Whip, Batista reverses and nails an elbow on Cena. 'Teest throws Cena shoulderfirst into the turnbuckle post. Ref asks Cena if he wants to quit, Cena says no, so Batista knocks him off the apron. On the outside, 'Teest shoves Cena into the tax evading barricade..'s adjacent sister, who is completely innocent of all charges. Batista's such a bastard for harming her! Back in the ring, Batista with a Suplex. Teest whips Cena to the corner, Cena dodges a rush, gets a number of Shoulderblocks in, followed by the Proto Bomb. Cena sets up for the Five Knucke Shuffle - hits it. Cena sets up for the AA - still for quitters, by the way - but Batista grabs the ropes to escape from it. Cena charges, but Batista grabs the ref, using him as a shield. Cena gets the ref out of the way, only to be caught with a huge Spear! And now Batista with the Batista Bite! (that new submission move..that's what it's called, apparantly) The Ref asks if Cena wants to quit, but he says no. Cena's right in the middle, he can't seem to break it.

 

Slowly, he starts to stand, and somehow counters into the STF! (File skipped a bit between parts..) Ref asks Teest, but he says no. Batista gets to the ropes, but there's no break in this match. Batista seems to pass out here. The Ref asks Batista if he wants to quit, but there's no response. So Cena goes outside, and gets..a bottle of water? Cena drenches him with water to wake him up. Ref asks if he wants to quit, but Teest says no. Cena probably wishes at this point, that it was Michael Tarver he was fighting, and that it was Pepsi he poured instead of water. Pour some Pepsi on him, and he'd be giving up in a heartbeat! Cena rushes Batista, and gets caught with a Spinebuster! 'Teest goes for the Batista Bomb - nails it! Ref asks him, Cena hesitates..says no.  Batista goes outside, and strips the announce table. Which one, you ask? What, did you start watching yesterday? Get outta here, kid, ya bother me..actually, after stripping the Spanish Announce Table, he starts doing the same to the first, while Cole commands that we look at the (bored) look in his eyes. 'Teest pulls Cena to the floor, then pulls Cena onto the..American Announce Table? What do we call it? Whatever..Batista seems to go for a Batista Bomb onto this table, as Hugo and Carlos high five in victory as their table shall be spared! But Cena counters into AA position - only for Batista to slip out, lift Cena up, and hit a Running Powerslam through the Spanish Announce table! Hugo and Carlos proceed to go home and slit their wrists.

 

Batista makes like Jericho, and tells the Ref to ASK HIM~! Ref puts the mic in Cena's face, and after a pause, he lets out a very depressed "no". Seriously, he sounded like he had no more hope left in life. A medic checks on Cena, until Batista pulls him up, and throws him into the crowd! Batista pulls Cena up the stairs, to the top of the audiance! They disapear for a second, then emerge from the stairs onto the top of a platform! Batista tells Cena that if he doesn't quit, he'll throw him off! The Ref asks him, and Cena says no. So Batista sets Cena up for the Batista Bomb, but Cena fights out, and starts pulling Batista over the railing! Cena pulls 'Teest to the opposite side - and then knocks him from the platform, onto security gaurds! The Ref asks Batista if he wants to quit, and he yells no! Cena knocks Batista down the stairs, and beats him on down to the ramp! Cena continues the attack, and Batista moves to far beside the rampway - before catching Cena with a chairshot to the ribs! 'Teest with another Chairshot to the back, but they seem to be lacking in power as they don't down Cena. A few more shots, finally take him down on the side of the stage, and Batista lays into him with shot after shot. The Ref asks if he wants to quit, and he pauses for a long time before saying no yet again. 'Teest throws the chair across the stage..before getting into one of the cars? Damn, I thought that was a prop! 'Teest backs up, trying to hit Cena, and he rams into some of the lighting. There's a long pause here, as Cena is gone, and Batista seems to believe he's killed him, as he casually gets out of the car. But Cena comes in from the side, and he rams 'Teest into the car over and over again! Cena with the Attitude Adjustment onto the hood of the car! There's a court case for you. Ref asks if Batista wants to quit and he says no. So Cena takes up the mic, and says he was hoping he'd say that. Cena pulls Teest to the top of the car, and puts him in AA position again! The Ref asks 'Teest again, and Batista quits!

 

Winner: John Cena

 

Rating: ***

 

Really nice match-up here, ending the show on a nice note. It was of course just brutal spot after spot, but hey, it worked for me.

 

...and Cena AA's him through the damned stage anyway! Cena celebrates, until he gets jumped by Sheamus. And that ends the show. Huh.

 

So Batista's last WWE moment, most likely, was being hit with a finisher that took him through the stage?

 

 

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And with that, I bid you good 'morrow, future loyal members of ewcf.co.nr!

 

Jordan Huie is an incredibly sweet and innocent 16 year old, that's American by birth, and Southern BAH THE GRACE OF GAWD! Some people call him Zeel1. Some people call him TheYTViewer. Some people call him Y2Z. Some people call him Z-Truth. Some people call him Maurrriiice~! *Wah-wow!* His typical attire is a combo of T-Shirts with Affliction-esque designs, leather jackets, sunglasses, and Houndstooth Fedoras, which he enjoys wearing, even with the knowledge that it makes him look like Jimmy Hart's rebellious grandson. His first contact with any other living being was of a horse with a busted leg, who's owner shot himself, because he couldn't bare the weight of shooting said horse. Jordan, naturally, named the horse "Lucky", and Lucky walked through many mountains and valleys, despite his searing pains, to bring Jordan to his parents. His parents, in return, immediately shot Lucky, to show their appreciation. It is believed that this experience is what makes him the teenager he is today.

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).