Home | Columns & Rants | Satire | Entertainment | Media | Archives | Forum

The One Man Conchairto
Richard Waters

Thursday December 22, 2005 11:00PM

The One Man Conchairto 12/22/05 By Richard Waters  
Mickie = GAWD

One thing that made WrestleMania 22's main event special was the build up. They realized they fucked Orton and so they tried teasing Batista turning. It was a SWERVE(~!) that we all saw coming, but the live crowd gave him a good reaction. From here they had a slow build until Mania where this time instead of getting kicked out Batista left Evolution. The match against Trips was boring and put me to sleep, but the build up was great.

Normally women's title matches are nothing more then filler. The crowd generally could give two shits. But all that is about to change. Mickie James debuted a few months ago to aide Trish. She looked like a carbon copy of Tori/Sable from the Attitude Era, but it still ends up being entertaining.

Each week they have done special little things with Mickie. Have her do anything to please Trish, even to go as far as to help her defend her title. Trish has become increasingly annoyed and last week Trish end up costing her a match. This is excellently done.

This past week Mickie James became the #1C for the Women's Title. The title Trish holds. Looks like a match is in store for the shit NYR. Could Mickie win? Will Trish turn? Will the feud be extended until WrestleMania? Who knows, but the bottom line is Mickie has made me interested in the Women's division again.

Hell she has SAVED(~!) it. Don't tell me seeing her dress as Trish for Halloween wasn't the cutest thing ever. I'm confident that Mickie will do what Melina could not. Mickie is our next women's champion and finally my God finally she will end Trish's 1-year reign as Women's champ (with her 4 title defenses) and stop her from holding the belt hostage.

Wednesday December 7, 2005 12:00AM

The One Man Conchairto 12/07/05 By Richard Waters  
Dead Man Walking

So Thanksgiving I stumbled into Wal-mart and as I battled people into the DVD section I noticed the Undertaker set. On a whim I decided to pick it up. At around 10 hours it was quite the treat. I watched 1/2 once I got back and the rest in the morning. Truly showing I have no life. Anyways I thought I'd give my 0.02 on each of the matches.

We started off with a WWE Title bout vs. Hogan at the 91 Sur Series. Undertaker had been in the 'E for a year now. I look back and don't get why Lesnar and Orton were pushed too soon to their first win. Either way this was a pretty good match. Hogan no-sold the fucking Tombstone. Another on a chair thanks to the Nature Boy was all she wrote.

Hogan vs. Taker - ***1/2

One of the extras was a Hogan promo. After listening to it I now know why he was so popular. I felt drawn into the moment and actually wanted him to win.

Next up we had another title match vs. Yokozuna in a Casket Match. I knew the outcome, but boy this match sucked at the end. It was pretty decent until the gang mugging. It wasn't even quick, they drew it out... and out... and out. Until then an even more drawn out "risen" of the dead. He went out strong I guess.

Yokozuna vs. Taker - **

The third match was vs. Diesel for WrestleMania. I heard outside of the Iron Man this show sucked. Correct! The only redeeming thing about this match was hearing Nash call himself the shit during his entrance. Long and boring. I heard this was one of his better matches (Diesel)... WTF?

Diesel vs. Taker - DUD.

Now we have one of 3 Mankind matches. Pretty so-so encounter. Compared to what I've seen it was kinda boring. I didn't understand why Taker or Mick would draw the action AWAY from the grave. Except I forgot it's scripted and they gotta give us a show. Taker wins, but gets buried by the mid-card. Jobber revenge?

Mankind vs. Taker I - **1/2

Another Mankind match. They showed scenes of his WM win over Sid for the title (sans shit) and this was his first true defense. Much better then the buried alive. Foley takes an underrated bump, head-first into a table. Ouch.

Mankind vs. Taker II - ****

Now we have the legendary start of Bret's final run. WWE title at Summerslam. Taker was the champ, but clearly was not the object of the match. HBK came out more fitting them the wrestlers! He was the ref. This was an excellent match. I loved how Bret cheap shotted Taker and kept working his legs. HBK played his role well. Bret spits on HBK, chairshot missed to Taker, 123. New champ.

Bret vs. Taker - ****1/4

There is an extra of Bret as champ vs. Taker at One Night Only. The smark crowd called this the best match for the DVD. I disagree. Kinda dull and not even close to the match I just saw.

Bret vs. Taker II - **

The first match on the next disc was at Ground Zero. Taker took on HBK and my God he bumped like a mad man. I can see why HBK ruled as well. No contest that saw EVERYONE involved.

HBK vs. Taker I - ***3/4

The next match was on the HBK set, but worth the repeat. HIAC at Bad Blood. VERY VERY good match. A pure classic. However, the Kane debut and win for HBK was shit. That takes 1/4* off the rating.

HBK vs. Taker II - ****3/4

Next we got a glimpse of the Kane feud, leading to their Mania match. This was the 2nd time I saw it. Very boring. Worse then Diesel? No, but close.

Kane vs. Taker I - DUD.

Next up was their Inferno match the following month or so. A little better then Mania, but it was still not that interesting. Best part was seeing Taker FLY(~!) over the ropes.

Kane vs. Taker II - **

This next match was on Foley's set. Odds are you've seen it. HIAC. Dump over the top, through the top, tacks, tooth, pin.

Mankind vs. Taker III - ***3/4

The following and last disc 2 match was vs. Rock at KOTR 99. Apparently Rock became a face this year. Meh match. It was okay, but nothing great. I did NOT see the significance of adding this match. Hell I forgot it even happened. HHH with Masterpiece Heel Heat makes an appearance.

Rock vs. Taker - **1/2

Now onto the last disc. Taker won the title in May, but lost it the night after beating the Rock. He and Austin were feuding and this was a first blood. Too fake for words. Austin was BUSTED OPEN earlier tonight with ease, yet Undertaker couldn't do it normally? Gimme a break. Pretty decent match, but not as good as I liked to remember. Rather they have added Summerslam 98.

Austin vs. Taker - ***

Now we have the HHH match at Mania. This is easily my favorite match on the disc and easily Taker's best Mania performance, although vs. Orton is close. Better brawl then Austin/Taker and a very good show from both guys. Limp Bizkit's "Rolling" despite them being WWE's favorite band come Mania 19 was dubbed over. Taker wins obviously.

HHH vs. Taker - ****1/2

Next we have heel Taker to take on Hogan for the title in a 12-year rematch. I heard this match sucked and Hogan took a bad chokeslam. The first was wasn't the best, but not that bad. This match was fun and I don't get everyone's bitching. Better then ONO. Yeah I said it.

Hogan vs. Taker II - ***3/4

Next we have the match vs. Brock in HIAC. I ignored this match because I assumed HIAC without Mick sucks. WRONG! Awesome fight. Best fight on the disc. Heyman yells a lot which either adds or distracts from the match. Brock wins by reversing a Tombstone and showing his monster strength (take that Batista!) F5's Taker without having him touch the ground. Sweet match.

Brock vs. Taker - ***** aka OWNAGE

Next we have his match vs. Cena at Vengeance. Good promos from Cena, but all he did was get his ass whipped. They say Cena's wrestling was better in 2003 as a heel. It's not really that different. People complain he gets beat and then does superman. As a heel he gets beat... then loses. WTF?

Cena vs. Taker - **1/2

Now we have the buried alive vs. Vince. Taker's burial promo was excellent. The match itself? Extended squash where Taker raped McMahon. Kane buried Taker and set the stage for the Deadman's return.

McMahon vs. Taker - ***

The final match was WM20 vs. Kane. Pretty basic by the numbers match here. Kane wasn't going to win. Tombstone city. Of the 3 Kane matches this one was the best.

Kane vs. Taker III - ***

There you have it. 6 matches that break *** ranking from me makes this an excellent set. Better then Flair's 3-disc set and he even had a better case, well except for the fact that the sticker would rip the cover. I recommend this to anyone willing to give it a chance. At $20 it's a steal!

Bookmark and Share


November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).