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by Malcolm Not in the Middle


Hey, remember what I as saying about this being my final rant? Well forget it.

We start of with a recap of Titus O'Neil pretty much destroying the Rookie Challenges, and racking up those Redemption Points. Remember those? The point that was created specially for this show, but has yet to actually be used? Conveniently, they leave out all the challenges where the crowd chose him as the winner. This then turns into a recap of Derrick Bateman and Darren Young teaming up to take out Titus (showing Derrick's victory over him last week). While this has potential to be interesting, I don't expect WWE to to follow through.

BTW, can I just comment on Darren Young's nickname of "No Days Off"? Don't get me wrong, I guess I've heard worse, but this is the WWE. Who in the hell has any days off? Its like my nickname being "The Writer" on this site! He may as well call himself "The Wrestler".

We see the opening again, and I have to admit, I miss Lucky Cannon. His antics on NXT was hands down the most entertaining thing on this show. The fact that he lost because of the dreaded "Heels will never win NXT" rule is garbage. Hope I see him on TV soon... if this never ending show ever ends.

We start off with Striker in the ring, as I fear they're going to start with a Default Open... however its a lot worse. Titus O'Neil comes down to the ring to do an interview segment. Apparently, WWE got word that this was already a depressing night for me, as they are attempting to make me kill myself!

Titus is asked about he thinks of the Young/Bateman Alliance. He says he thinks its cute. Way to make that force credible, Titus. He then points out that he's dominated this contest from start to finish, and that the only chance they have is to take him out. Sadly.. this is true. Unless they pull a shocker and actually cripple Titus and take him out of the competition, Derrick and Young have no chance. He says he doesn't care about either of them and only cares about what all of the WWE Universe cares about... and thats him, Titus O'Neil. Did he just turn? Thats a pretty heel statement, if ever there was one.

The Alliance is now out to Derrick's music. Why does Derrick have the music? Wouldn't it make more sense if the guy who has no Pro (ergo, no music) get his own theme? Derrick points out that for all of Titus' boasting, he lost last week. He also wants him to admit that he lost right now.Titus, who suffers from a disease R Truth used to have of smiling way too much now, is fine with that if Bateman admits there is no way he can "impossible possibly" defeat him (thats what he said) without outside interference.

Darren takes the mic and points out that Titus is only ahead on points cause he panders to the crowd, which is a fair point. Matt Striker of all people, speaks up and points out the fans are the ones who pick the winner, so its actually a sound strategy to pander to them... no, sorry I can't accept that. Why do a "challenge" if the person who did the best job doesn't win? There have been times (especially with promos) where Titus has sucked, but he still wins cause he's the most over face. If thats the case, they may as well just have Striker come out with the Rookies and ask "Okay! Who do ya like more!?" and be done with it! In fact, why the hell aren't they done with this show? Its so painfully obvious that Titus will win now, its not even funny. Its like when WCW tried to make me think Goldberg was in serious trouble that one time he faced Meng. No one bought it!

Darren rightfully tells Striker to shut up, and Derrick then says that Titus has reached the top of his suck seal (wuh?) and he needs to go. Titus answers back that he wants to do a tag match. Striker then goes into his annoying "WWE Universe" routine, but Darren again tells him to shut up. He also wants to pick Titus' partner. Titus has no problem with it. This segment shows off one of the things I hate about Titus. He cannot shut up. Promos are a back and forth between two parties; in other words both get a chance. Titus has a tendency to get over enthused and constantly interrupts the other guy, and its annoying as Darren and Derrick are trying to build tension here. I was expecting Hornswoggle, but apparently they realize the creature is invincible unless your a main eventer, so they pick Matt Striker. Okay, thats interesting.

Titus follows the rule of "All Faces in WWE are idiots" to a T and happily accepts going into a tag match with an announcer. He then promises to "put the wood to their bottoms."... Do you guys see why I can't stand Titus now?

We are then threatened with a Koslov vs JTG match... again. Love this 7 person roster.

We are back for the match. Remember last week when Koslov and JTG did that segment where they had a bet over who was the "most gangsta"? Apparently, the bet not only includes being more gangasta but kicking the crap out of your opponent while looking gangsta.


Man, the crowd could care less for this one. Not even Koslov can get a reaction.

The announcing for this match, as with everything tonight, is garbage. I dunno if it was just me really noticing it for the first time but I cannot stand Grisham and Regal on this show. For instance, you have Koslov who comes out dressed exactly like JTG and is pretty much acting just like him. Basically making a fool of himself. Regal starts going on about thats what it is to be a WWE Superstar, embarrassing yourself for the enjoyment of the WWE Universe... how depressing is that notion? First of all, its not true. While the main eventers we have now had their moments, they never aspired to "Embarrass themselves". It actually makes me feel bad for these guys being wrestlers. Ain't that a B? I'm watching a wrestling show, and the announcers are making me feel bad that the wrestlers are wrestlers. Seriously Regal, stop talking!

OFF TOPIC:Special shout goes to @SandoraElite. He/She (Was never explained to me) has been a good friend to me both on the site and on twitter for a long time. One of the few people to #FF me on a regular basis, and I never once returned the favor. So here it is: Everyone, follow @SandoraElite.

Regal continues to annoy me on commentary first by taking credit for JTG saying his insults to JTG have made him a better athlete. Okay... next thing you know, Undertaker will be taking credit for making Kane a champion because he murdered their parents. Second, he tells this really dumb story about how when Koslov's father would take him as a child and throw him into a frozen lake to toughen him up. Um, I'm pretty sure thats either abuse or attempted murder.

As for the match itself, here's my problem with it... its the exact same match as last time. No joke, it even had JTG hitting a missile dropkick after the commercial break! Say what you will about Darren vs. Titus, least they change it up a bit. I'm serious here; it was the exact same match! and it even had the exact same ending

WINNER: Koslov

After the match, Koslov takes Grisham's cell phone and talks a picture of himself planking on JTG with it... you know, I don't often wish for people to be endeavored... but Koslov is reaching that point. We then see the graphic for the Tag match later tonight, as Regal buries the Alliance by saying he thinks Striker will have no problems handling them despite not wrestling in over 4 years. Great job of making the Rookies look good there, chief. That Michael Cole Handbook is working wonders.

We come back to the RAW Rebound about the Cena/Punk/HHH debacle. Look, I'm happy Punk is back. Yeah, they could have done a lot more with this angle, but the risk of Punk losing steam was too great a risk. So in the end, I think they made the right decision. What's more, I am stoked for Punk vs Cena II. Give them there due, they can have a great match, and thats putting it mildly. Do people seriously have an issue with them doing this again? Plus the two title belts make it an interesting situation.

What I am ticked off about... is why the hell did I have to sit through a 2 hour show to see a conclusion I knew was coming since last week? Did anyone seriously think they were going to strip either guy? And WWE, you can pretend that Cena isn't the "Company Guy" all ya want, but you're not fooling anybody. And is Rey seriously not going to bother asking for a rematch? Really?

After that, Kidd comes out to a nice chorus of boos. He said last week Yoshi Tatsu thought he won, but Kidd thinks otherwise, as he shows us a clip from last week's beatdown. Kidd tells the booing audience that they should be thanking him cause thanks to him, Yoshi and his stupidity are gone... you know he's right! God bless you, Tyson Kidd!

He says he's come from a long line of greats, not idiots who worship toys. In his world, there is no room for people like Tatsu... there is only room for Tyson Kidd. Have to admit, this was a solid promo. I'd love to see more non-NXT appearance from Tyson Kidd, but I won't hold my breathe. Seriously though, good stuff. If Kidd continues to deliver like this, he may find himself on one of the big shows before too long.


During this match, we found out (Least in storylines) that Striker is the guy who thinks up all those weird Challenges that I have to do all those tedious reports on. The Power of the Punch, the Obstacle courses, Musical Chairs, selling programs to the crowd... all his ideas. So yeah, I REALLY want to see him get hurt in this one.

Titus comes out with AJ and Hornswoggle... who supply my big problem with the match because they go on commentary. AJ is okay, but imagine watching a match and suddenly hearing "ARGH ARGGHH ARGH!" throughout it? OMG, I wanted to hit stop on my comp soooo bad for this one.

Striker comes out, and it is fun to see him in tights again. And no, he did not stay in ring shape, and he's lost a lot of definition since he was in the ring. Finally for the 10% of you who are asking; no. His face was not in his ass for this one. Speaking of Striker, he gets the ovation of his career upon being tag in and wow, "he has some ring rust" is putting it mildly. For the first half of the match, its pretty much the Titus Show, with him overpowering two guys. This lasts through the last commercial...

We get the best part of the whole night, as I get to see 5 good minutes of Matt Striker being destroyed in the middle of the ring. Fun game, after every time he hit, claim it as revenge for a challenge: "That was for that stupid Joust!" "That was for going to the WWE Universe and acting shocked when they accepted!" "That was for December to Dismember!" Its lots of fun. However, the party ends as Titus is tagged in... You know, Titus really doesn't need to win this one. I mean his tag partner is not a wrestler, and he's against two guys. He's going to make his opponents look really weak if he they honestly have him singlehand- Clash of the Titus and its over.

WINNERS: Titus & Striker

Seriously, just announce Titus won. The dead horse is has already decomposed on this one.


BEST THING OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE DEWEY AWARD”: Matt Striker gets beat up for 5 minutes.

AWFUL THING OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE REESE AWARD”: Titus was given the pipebomb.

WTF MOMENT OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE FRANCIS AWARD”: Who actually thought making Hornswoggle a commentator was a good idea?

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November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).