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by Malcolm Not in the Middle


I have been thinking about it ever since Monday night... but I don't know whether I liked or hated RAW last night. It was the perfect example of a "mixed bag" that I can remember. For every positive, there was an annoying negative.

The Miz/Rey match was okay, and I thought Miz did a great job. I don't give it too many points because it was more or less a normal Cena match except without John Cena. Rey was getting destroyed until he snuck in one 619. I will admit, it was nice to get a champion who was relatively fresh. All the matches done here were all good, and I'll admit the Rey/Cena match was great. Plus, the surprise of JR and Punk returning was great. I honestly think they made the right decision in bringing back Punk quickly. Yes, it would have been cool to see Punk parade around with that belt outside WWE some more, but seriously he is on fire right now. Keeping him off TV and letting the audience forget about him is too big a risk. Sides, who isn't up for Cena vs. Punk the rematch?

However, there were negatives. Lets start with the writers pretty much ruining the John Cena character. Don't understand? Let me explain; up until now, John Cena has been pretty much a goody goody. Not cool, but John always does the right thing. For examples: He calls the Orton-Barrett match down the middle and "loses his job", he fights to get Punk reinstated because its his right to voice his opinion, and prevents Vince from doing a Chicago screw job because he wants to win on his own. This being said; why would Cena accept a match against Rey Mysterio the same night he wins it? Am I crazy right now? Or is this not a heel thing that Cena just did? This pretty destroys all the goodwill Cena built up over the year, especially since this was done to Mysterio of all people. People were actually pretty upset by this, as they were really pumped with Mysterio winning in the first place. Not to mention, they should have saved this for a PPV. Mysterio vs. Cena could have been big as a main event, instead of just doing it on free tv. Finally, I hope this is leading to a Cena heel turn, cause otherwise this is just stupid.

Another thing... if you were just going to bring back Punk this quickly, why do a tournament? Actually nevermind, cause I realize having a Champion vs. Champion match is good. But why would you do this whole tournament... if the plan was just going to give it to Cena? Worse yet, why didn't you just put Cena in the tournament? I'm a little ticked off that it ended up just being a gigantic waste of time. Lastly, Cena winning the belt was just an annoying dose of reality to me. That reminder being as exciting as things have been with Punk and that storyline; we are still a ways away from a "new era" in wrestling.

Other stuff is just nitpicking, I will admit. Like did I have to see another Cole match? Cee Lo will preform at SS? Really? No Hunter, you didn't "re-sign" Morrison. So I dunno...

BTW, at the end of this rant, I have a further update on my future with TWF, so stay tuned for that.

Show opens up this week with a recap of the Tyson and Yoshi feud. Congrats WWE! You have officially completely forgotten the point of NXT. This package is very much like RAW as its a mixed bag again. Its a big negative as this package once again brings up the point that this is a feud about a toy. However, I get to hear Yoshi scream "TYYYYYSSSSSOOOOON!" a few times, which is funny. So like I said, I mixed bag.

Spoiler alert! No Rookie Challenges this week! Which is great, as I think WWE may have finally realized no one is beating Titus in events where "the WWE Universe" pick the winner. The announcers then tell us the main event for this show: Its Yoshi Tatsu vs. Tyson Kidd in a "Leg on a necklace on a pole" match. It sounds like something TNA would come up with, but no. The deal is that the pendant that Tyson has with the Yoshi Tatsu action figure's leg attached will be on the pole and the first person who gets it.... gets to use it?

I'm starting to believe that RAW stuff is the new main event on this show, as Rey Mysterio getting screwed is our main event tonight. Thankfully, as always, Burge already covered that, so I get to leave school early. Our first match up (and only thing involving NXT Rookies on this show that is supposed to be about NXT Rookies) is next!


Guess I should be happy we are spared from another Titus vs. Darren match. Derrick comes out in Apollo Creed trunks, and then freaks me out as he takes it off at ringside. Thankfully, he has trunks underneath.

This is a pretty standard "Lets make Titus look like a monster" match, with Derrick being flung around and bumping to make the eventual winner of NXT look good. Derrick however begins to show off his new meanstreak in several high impact moves as well, but its mainly making Titus look strong so fair.

Derrick leaves the ring to get a breather. Meanwhile, Darren Young makes his way ringside to get involved in the match... Cause you know if he didn't, he would be completely off TV.

OFF TOPIC: I have to say, Captain America was a great movie. I am impressed with Marvel, as they have really caught onto the formula on how to make a movie a really fun experience. I am sooo looking forward to the Avengers!

Darren is at ringside, and is actually cheering on Derrick. So much for him being ticked at Bateman. Bateman seems to be taking on a more "Crazy"persona with his character, which in my opinion is a shame. Once again, I really enjoyed him as a goofy face, and his time as a team with Bryan was hysterical. Fortunately/Unfortunately, they are pushing Bryan to World Title status. So that kills any chance of a Bryan/BAteman tag team. But once again, I preferred Derrick as a goofy face (Especially since "Crazy Heel" Bateman will not beat "Only face" Titus in the votes.

End comes as Derrick Bateman distracts the ref inadvertently, and Darren distracts Titus from ringside. This allows Derrick Bateman to hit a hard dropkick in the corner, and hit his headlock/Skull Crushing Finale finisher that I will now call "Bateman Forever" for the win.

WINNER: Derrick Bateman

Derrick Bateman and Darren Young celebrate in the ring, as the commentators can't understand what Derrick and Darren have to gain by forming an alliance to take out Titus O'Neil. No seriously, they don't see why thats a good idea.

OFF TOPIC: If your one of those people, who thinks its okay to go shop in a store 10 minutes before it closes... go jump off a bridge.

We come back for the always "entertaining" Hornswoggle segment. He finds a heart shape note from his admirer. As he looks around for her; she comes up behind him and reveals herself... and its Goldust. Actually just kidding; its AJ who gives him a quick kiss. This is what we call in the business "Paying your dues." Hornswoggle seems happy about it; and then Maryse comes out to make fun of this... which I'm okay with because this whole thing is stupid. AJ flushes her creditability down the toilet by asking Maryse why she would be mean to Hornswoggle. Its called rape, AJ. Anyway, Maryse calls them both trolls, and AJ hits Maryse with some flowers, which I would have loved it if Maryse sold it like a chair shot. Maryse leaves in a huff, and AJ and Swoggle then look at each other like two animals in heat. And yes, you're welcome for that image.

We then cut to Koslov "planking" (an activity consisting of lying face down in an unusual or incongruous location) on top of a vending machine. JTG then arrives and asks him what is he doing. Koslov comes down, and says he's going to win their bet, as he's the best Planker there is. JTG then corrects him as he says the bet was for the best gangster... you know what? We're skipping the rest of this segment.

We then go to ringside for the main event.


Once again, this match (and the entire feud to be honest) is weird. One the one hand, these two put on some really good matches. Really good. The matches themselves between these two have been the reason to watch NXT for a few weeks now. They're really good matches, and one of the few things to ever come out of this show that I'd ever recommend watching. But here's the thing... its two grown men... fighting over a toy. As good as they are, they fighting over something really stupid. And yes, that takes away from the match. For example, take Wrestlemania V's main event of Hulk Hogan vs. Macho Man Randy Savage. A classic battle, that was made even more epic as they were fighting over Savages personal jealousy with Elizabeth and Savage's jealousy with Hogan's celebrity. Now... imagine they were fighting over a toy. Suddenly that match wasn't as epic, was it? Same here.

Yoshi is all business here, which again makes me hate the character more. Sorry but he's serious over a toy, but goofy when his Rookie ditches him and Maryse breaks his heart? He's a giant 5 year old!

I also learned from this match that Tyson Kidd loves to yell. He screams "YEEEAAAH!" for no reason when he comes to the ring. Also there's this point he's kicking Tatsu in the corner, and I swear he's yealling "What the F***!" each time he does so. Weird.

OFF TOPIC: While I'm at it, give Catherine (The video game) a try. Its an interesting puzzle game with a great story.

Once again, they put on a great match. BTW, I was wrong earlier as the first one who gets the necklace wins the match. They do some great spots including a boston crab on Yoshi while he's stretched in the ropes. End comes as they are both on the top rope; Yoshi eats a top rope back suplex... however, he grabs the necklace on the way down for the win.

WINNER: Yoshi Tatsu

Regal makes a nice statement on this match and says "Just think; if they'll go this far for a toy, what will they do in a title match?" You mean aside from job? A valiant effort Mr. Regal, but no way I take these guys seriously in a match after this.

Kidd ain't happy about losing; so he jumps Tatsu and works over his right leg hardcore. He atomic drops his leg on the announce table, and then locks in a classic figure-four leglock on Tatsu on the ring post. Kidd (Least I think) grabs the leg and walks off, and is officially a crazy heel.


As for my announcement about my future, due to recent events, next week will be my last column for www.thewrestlingfan.com. Its been a fun year, and I plan to head off with a bang. Join me as I say goodbye next week.

BEST THING OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE DEWEY AWARD”: Kidd vs Yoshi was good... even if the dumb logic behind it will forever prevent me from giving it 5 stars.

AWFUL THING OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE REESE AWARD”: Derrick Bateman is a "Crazy Heel"!

WTF MOMENT OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE FRANCIS AWARD”: Having AJ fall for Hornswoggle is really the best you writers could come up with?

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November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).