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by Malcolm Not in the Middle


Click HERE to read last week's lost edition.

Hey guys, so I saw the ending for this season of Tough Enough. Before I give my opinion on the ending, I just wanna stress how much I really enjoyed this show. It was well done, the logic (for the most part) made sense, and the trainers were all awesome. The cast was interesting, with some gems in there and lots of coal. I really hope they decide to do another season, cause I really enjoyed it.

Now many people are happy with the decision to give it to Andy. Many are saying that Andy was the guy to beat Luke in the finals. These people…. Are some of the dumbest people I have ever.

The wrong guy won, I’m sorry. I’ve talked to everyone who’s said this, and I’ve always asked why he or she felt this way about Andy. Their answer has always been the same: “Cause Luke’s a dick.” When I ask “Well, aside from that, why Andy?” You know what I get as an answer? A blank fucking stare!

You know what this reminds me of? Remember when Miz won the title, and everyone ripped him apart for “being a pussy”. Hello, its called being a “Cowardly heel.” Ric Flair made that act famous back in his day. Luke is getting the shaft by people because he’s a good heel. Without even coming into the ring, he caused the entire WWE crowd to hate his guts. Andy was only getting cheered because he was the guy in the way of a Luke victory.

Andy sucks. Everyone says he’s a great wrestler… HE JUST FIGURED OUT HE’S A BIG MAN LAST WEEK! Plus he sucks on the mic! It makes no sense that he beat Luke! Absolutely none, and everyone knows it.

Plus, this decision kind of fucks both guys. Now that Luke is gone, its gonna be revealed that no one gives a fuck about Andy. Not that it matters, as he’ll be jobbing like crazy. Luke could have ridden this victory as that cocky shmock who won TE, and everyone would have hated him for it. It could have been big for him, but I almost forgot that WWE hates to push new people.

Anyway, the last of the NXT awards are up! After this… I dunno.

They start the show with a montage recapping the Yoshi Tatsu/Maryse/Lucky Canon love triangle, or as I call it “Maryse is a whore”. This is by far the worst love triangle that I’ve ever seen. Its about two morons lusting over someone who has no interest in either of them; thus making it not a love triangle, more of a segmented line. Honestly, does creative know what a love triangle is?

One drawn out opening later, we opening with… the ring looking like the Bronx? Oh! Its JTG and his new talk show segment “What’s up, Brooklyn?”. He introduces the show to the audience, and does a funny “Don’t be hating!” to the people who instantly start boo’ing. I have to admit; JTG is really funny and entertaining as a heel. I hope they let him run with this on the other shows. His guest this week is Yoshi Tatsu… therefore I now hate this segment.

I can’t tell you how much it bothers me that no matter what the circumstances, Yoshi is going to be a happy little idiot when he comes down to the ring. Look at everything he’s been through this season. He was dumped by the woman he loved, dumped by his Rookie, (In his mind) betrayed by his rookie, and proved to be an awful Pro… but he’s still a goofy little shit. Psychology I guess is passé nowadays.

JTG starts the segment by bringing up how he talked to Byron Saxton said it was Yoshi’s fault that he’s eliminated. He asks Yoshi what he thinks about that…. And as Yoshi is about to talk, JTG yanks the mic away. He says what he does know is if Byron was his Pro, he would have won. He then asks him whether his situation with Maryse had anything to do with it (DUH!). He does the same thing to Yoshi before he can talk again... which is a smart move considering there is no answer that Yoshi could say to these questions that wouldn’t make him more of a dick.

Speaking of dick, we get some dick jokes. JTG says Maryse dumped him because he’s got no game. She also says that JTG has a huge, enormous, amazing… bank account. Before JTG has a chance to poke fun at Yoshi’s junk bonds, Yoshi grabs the mic and makes a retort… which we’ll have to take the audience’s word that it was funny. Sorry but Yoshi ridiculous accent made it sound like gibberish. JTG responds with a classic heelism:

1. Befriend stupid face
2. Jump face when stupid face turns his back on you
3. Rejoice

Teddy Lon- er, Matt Striker comes out and cheap pops the crowd for a bit, and then makes JTG vs. Yoshi for tonight… because he’s the NXT GM?

OFF TOPIC: BATTLE FOR THE BRONZE! (Best triple threat between the final three Contestants)

1) Wade Barrett vs. David Otunga vs. Justin Gabriel (Season 1)

2) Kaval vs. Alex Riley vs. Michael McGillicutty (Season 2)

3) Naomi vs. Kaitlyn vs. AJ (Season 3)

4) Brodus Clay vs. Derrick Bateman vs. Johnny Curtis (Season 4)

WINNER: Brodus Clay vs. Derrick Bateman vs. Johnny Curtis

I will go on record to say all of these matches were good in there own ways. Picking a winner here wasn’t easy but lets go through nominees.

The season 1 was really good, and it was also an elimination match as well. David was eliminated first as he’s a very weak wrestler. (But not weak enough to not get the tag titles twice!) Then Gabriel and Wade have a very good wrestling match from then on. It was a good match, but really not a triple threat, as they needed an excuse to get Otunga out of there. Plus you kinda knew Wade was going over just due to how much WWE was behind him.

The season 2 match was good, but really the only thing memorable for me was that Riley won. Other than that, it doesn’t stand out for me. It’s the same deal for the Season 3 one as well.

The Season 4 on sticks out so much due to mow much sense it made. It really had excellent psychology to it. Brodus looked so powerful, that the only way he could lose was cause the other guys teamed up against him. Both Derrick and Johnny looked really good in that ring. To this day for me, that is the bar for Triple Threat matches on NXT.


The match is okay, but if you watch Superstars. You’ve seen this match twelve million times. Only thing I can really hold against it was that the ending made no sense as Yoshi just stopped selling all of JTG’s damage to his ribs to just kick him in the head.

WINNER: Yoshi Tatsu

So the moral of the story is that it’s okay to sell out people who trust you, just so you can get some ass. Oh! Some good news from this match, there will be another elimination from NXT next week. This farce of a season is almost over!

: Francis of the Year (WTF Moment of the year)

1) Daniel Bryan being one of the first to be eliminated (Season 1)

2) The brawls that begin and end Season 2

3) Michael Cole turns heel (Season 3)

4) Del Rio works like what? 3 NXTs? (Season 4)

WINNER: The brawls that begin and end Season 2!

If there is one thing NXT does well, its WTF moments.

Daniel Bryan being eliminated nearly won this one. We’ve gone over and over this, but the elimination is the definition of BS, and was the beginning of the end for the concept of NXT.

Some will be surprised that Cole’s heel turn not winning but hear me out. While it was a shock that Cole turned (let alone showed some personality) this was more of a good thing then a bad thing. Yes, it got really annoying but it actually had its moments. Who could forget the cong from Season 3? Or that awesome interview he had with Daniel Bryan on Season 1? In retrospect, heel Cole on NXT was more a Dewey than a Francis.

Del Rio being on NXT was awesome but why the fuck was he there? Especially after the Rumble, it was clear he had better things to do. Heck, he was already pretty sporadic on the show before that as he was already being groomed for the Main Event scene. Seriously, why did they bother with Del Rio?

No, Season 2’s beginning and end is the “winner” here. It’s just depressing to think about. Just thinking about what they could have done here, and what they ended up doing.... WTF WWED? We could have had an awesome sized Nexus to cause more damage! We could have had an interesting trust storyline with the Pro’s or Rookies. Hell, we could have just dropped the whole thing and had a decent NXT!

We come back with another reshowing of one of those stupid Obama segments. Wow Vince, could ya be a little more discreet about whom ya hate? Nevermind, I forgot who I was talking to. It’s a shame, the Capitol Punishment PPV actually has a good card, but I’m looking forward to it being over just so these stupid segments can end!

We go back stage for the most surreal segment ever. Conor is in the back ripping off Koslov’s gimmick and psyching himself up to break another board. Hornswoggle, with Ryu’s headband, and motions that he could do it easily. He tries several times to do it with headbutt but just hurts his head. Titus and Koslov come in now. Titus asks whats wrong, and then he says he knows what will make it better. He tells Conor to hold the board… Titus then grabs Hornswoggle and drives his head through the board like a battering ram. They break the board, and they’re all happy about it. Hornswoggle though, sells it like it hurts… which makes Titus a dick. Koslov then says make it a win with a Russian accent, as I wonder how crazy WWE is now to have these 4 under contract while Kaval was released.

OFF TOPIC: Best Surprise on NXT

1) That show CM Punk announced on NXT season 3
2) Daniel Bryan vs. Chris Jericho from the first NXT
3) The comedic gold of Daniel Bryan and Derrick Bateman
4) Percy Watson… at first

WINNER: CM Punk Announces

Shut up, Josh.

Bryan vs. Jericho is arguably the best match from NXT. It started the show and the series fantastically… however, it went to hell after that. Now this is just a sad reminder of what this series could have been.

Speaking of Daniel Bryan, his teaming with Derrick Bateman was gold and a very pleasant surprise. I still miss this team, as we haven’t gotten a promo from Bryan since. It’s a shame Derrick went down with an injury, as these two would have made a great team.

Percy Watson was really hysterical. I loved his promos, his Eddie Murphy-ness, and his catchphrase (“Oh Yeah!”) However, it got old after 5 weeks or so… but for a time it was awesome. Shame it kind of DQ’s itself.

The winner was the one show… CM Punk wore a sports jacket, and came down to the booth, and delivered commentary… and it answered an age-old question with “Yes, CM Punk is great at everything.” He was funny, he was on point, and his abuse of Josh was delightful. Shame it lasted one night, but it was great while we had it.

CONOR O’BRIAN & VLADMIR KOSLOV VS DARREN YOUNG & CHAVO GUERRERO I have to say; I was really impressed with how well Chavito and Young worked as a team. I hate to say this… but it reminded me a bit of the classic days of Los Guerreros. Chavo and Darren did really well here, and it’s a shame they weren’t on season 4 (when the prize was a tag title shot)… not that it matters, they’re heels and thus will lose this season.

Also, lots of mat wrestling done in this match… that you don’t see often on WWE programming. But I have to say, this match has been a pleasant surprise so far.

OFF TOPIC: Best Heel

1) Wade Barrett

2) Alex Riley

3) Aksana

4) Brodus Clay

WINNER: Wade Barrett

This was a toughie.

Aksana was arguably the best heel on her season. Her outrageous accent had people spitting venom at her, and she had an amazing gimmick with Goldust… Unfortunately, she can’t wrestle for shit.

Brodus Clay is my personal favorite heel of NXT, and I still believe he has the best of everything. However, he hasn’t done much except be Del Rio’s bodyguard. Heck, I haven’t seen him in some time on TV. I hope this ends soon, as this guy definitely has something special.

It’s down to the two guys who have had some success in WWE. Its hard to pick, so I’m going with Wade simply because he’s still a heel, and Riley is achieving bigger success as a face.

We’re back, and Koslov is an awkward POS. He has no real flexibility when wrestling. He should talk to Morrison about taking a Yoga lesson or something. I will say, he must have had some kind of influence on Conor, as that kid is at least twice the size he was in Season 4. Plus he is making the whole “Sambo” Gimmick work in this match.

Anyway, end comes as Koslov does the same charge taking one guy over the top rope with him (Seriously, every tag match!) thus allowing his partner to get hit with a finisher for the win.

WINNERS: Chavo & Darren

: Best Face

1) Daniel Bryan

2) Kaval

3) AJ

4) Derrick Bateman


This was easy.

Derrick Bateman was funny, but that was really all he had. He was very decent in all areas, but very decent doesn’t cut it…. Except maybe for Cena.

AJ is awesome, and while her wrestling is awesome, I don’t think she’s the best face.

Daniel Byran had IWC guys with him all the way. I really dug him too, as I saw what all the fuss was about. However, he didn’t last too long, so we did get to warm up to him so much as a face.

No, the winner here is Kaval. If you were watching NXT season 2, you were routing for him. You knew he that WWE didn’t want him, and you knew he shouldn’t win. But damn it; if he didn’t get you want him to breakthrough regardless. Even his two heel Pros liked him! When he won, the feeling was awesome… It was almost like I won NXT! WWE shat on it, which is a damn shame… but the memory of that moment remains.


I hate Titus O’Neil. Why? He’s Andy. He can’t talk, can barely wrestle, and is very generic… but WWE will push this guy because he’s big.

Oh well, at least he’s wrestling someone not named “Darren Young”. The match is okay, with Lucky working over him to make The Great Batista Goldberg guy look good.

End is also very surreal… and stupid. Hornswoggle gives Maryse (who is at ringside) a pearl necklace hoping to score some sex. She rejects, and Hornswoggle responds like any guy in this situation would… By trying to steal her purse. During this, the 3000 dollar purse that Lucky got her is destroyed. When Lucky goes to check on what happened… Maryse for some reason gets pissed at Lucky. She nails him in the head with the purse, which stuns Lucky and he stumbles into Clash of the Titus for the loss.

WINNER: Titus O’Neil

Suddenly, I understand why Miz never brought on Maryse as his valet.


BEST THING OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE DEWEY AWARD”: The tag match in the middle of the show was really well done. Worth a watch.

AWFUL THING OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE REESE AWARD”: Titus abuses Hornswoggle and no one notices.

WTF MOMENT OF THE NIGHT, OR “THE FRANCIS AWARD”: Its Lucky’s fault a horny midget tried to mug Maryse.

Hey, did you know I have a Podcast? Yes, it’s true! “The Rundown Wrestling Review” Podcast is a show featuring me and my good buddy Adam as we review and talk about the major happening in wrestling! Like to be in on it? Of course ya do! Just contact me via twitter or either email address, and I’ll add ya to the mailing list! Any comments or constructive criticism is appreciated!

Twitter: @NotintheMiddle
Email: Malcolmnotinthemiddle@gmail.com
Podcast: Rundownwrestling@gmail.com

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November 2006


by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).