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WWE NXT RANT

by Malcolm Not in the Middle

May 24, 2011


Hey guys, Malcolm Not in the Middle here. Recently… tragedy has struck the wrestling world as we lost one of the best. In a moment that will stick with us for the rest of our lives, millions across the world lost someone who's given us some many awesome memories and has been an inspiration for all in the field. I, of course, am talking about Andariel Halo's decision to retire from recapping. I know TNA (Impact Wrestling?) will not be the same with Halo being there to call it fucking stupid. Take care, and thanks for all your help as I entered the world of recapping, Halo.

What's that? Ohhhhh… the other guy? Yeah, I have something to say there too.

It was a commercial for Wrestlemania V that first introduced me to the WWE (or WWF at the time). I was young at the time, so I wasn't really sure what a PPV was. So I assumed it was a term for video rentals. I asked my mom to rent me "The video with Macho Man and Hulk Hogan on the cover" as I forgot it was called Wrestlemania V. She instead got me Survivors Series '88, and I was shocked to see Savage and Hogan being friends. So after getting the event name, I asked her to rent "Wrestlemania", and she came back with Wrestlemania IV. And now I was seeing Hogan helping Savage win the title? WTF? I thought they hated each other? Through renting the tapes, I found out that the match had a huge backstory to it. While a lot of the other guys had had stories with other wrestlers too, it was this feud with Savage vs Hogan that me a fan. The match was fantastic as well.

Savage was simply amazing. He was ahead of his time as far as wrestling skill and psychology. He also had this amazing ability to make any feud he was involved in memorable. If fact, I can't think of a feud I ever saw him in that wasn't entertaining and provided some great memories. Heck, I even have fond memories of his feud with Repo Man! Plus, and this is weird, but I always thought he had the best eyes in business. Seriously, he had the eyes of a killer during his matches.

While I will always say Bret was my favorite wrestler of all time, it was really the Macho Man who turned me into a wrestling fan for life. It was his over the top personality and intensity that drew my attention each and every time. I knew any time he was on the card; I knew it was going to be a good time. In my opinion, he was the perfect wrestler, the perfect blend of charisma, ability, and the IT factor. It annoys me to hear wrestler say they looked about Hulk, Flair, etc. Not one says Macho Man? Really?

As far as Vince and his insane vendetta: Go fuck yourself, Vince. Seriously. I've been denied plenty of things throughout the years due to your fucking ego, but I'm pissed it cost me ten years of Savage!

Oh, you know what was the most depressing thing about his death? It came the day before my College Graduation. I was depressed as it was without spending the next day trapped in a stadium with his theme music blaring for 3 hours. 

In closing, God bless ya Savage. Thanks for making my childhood so much fun, and being an inspiration for at least CM Punk. Also thank you for saving us from the Rapture.

BTW, I also wanted to apologize to you guys for missing most of last week. As well as Randy Savage's death, I was sick and had family up for my college graduation, so I was tied up all weekend. I don't foresee graduating anytime soon, so we should be good going forward.

So we go from depressing to heartbreaking as we get ready to recap NXT… Halo, take me with you!

This week's beginning has me intrigued as they skip doing a stupid challenge again this week in order to focus on wrestling. They still, however, get no Redemption points for the matches. In fact, it looks like they completely forgot about the stupid Redemption points. Not that I blame them. Not like it made a hell of a lot of sense to begin with.

The show actually opens up with Byron Saxton of all things. He actually cuts a decent promo about he's come to the realization that he doesn't need his Pro Yoshi Tatsu to win NXT. He says he understands why the people like Yoshi; its because he has the mind of a child, and all of us can relate (Burn!) to him. He says he really doesn't understand why he needs Yoshi. In fact, he takes this time to declare his independence day, and he is abolishing himself from Yoshi.

The announcers of course shit all over Byron, saying it's impossible for a Rookie to win without the help of his Rookie… A point that would hold more water if they had some evidence of this. Seriously, aside from telling Bryon to just be himself at the start of the season, Yoshi has done nothing for him. It's been pretty much all "Boy Maryse is hot!" from day 1 from Tatsu. I mean, how is Byron the heel here? I'm not joking, someone please tell me how Yoshi is the face of this feud. Bryon has been practically begging Yoshi to actually do his job, only to be ignored. I mean, this is possibly Byron's one chance at his dream, for christ's sake! He's literally pissing on a guy's dream, and Bryon's the bad guy?!

Byron declares that he is to be addressed from now on as "Big League" Byron Saxton… which is an okay name. However, this is NXT. A show were they believe the best way to build new guys… is to cut them down. So Regal and Grisham then proceed to make fun of the name as soon as it's mentioned.

Then Maryse comes out, who is pissed for some reason? She calls Bryon "Just a Rookie" and that if it wasn't for this show, he'd be selling popcorn to the fans. No Maryse, he'd be in FCW where he'd eventually come into WWE not looking like a joke. Maryse then tells Byron he can't dump his Pro, and that he's here to do what they tell him to do… is she calling Saxton a slave here? Really?

One bit of good news, is she announces the second elimination is coming next week! So ya, thankfully Vince is hitting the abort button on this shit. She then announces that tonight it will be Saxton teaming up with Yoshi Tatsu against Lucky Canon & Tyson Kidd…. Because Maryse has booking power, I guess?

YOSHI TATSU & BYRON SAXTON VS LUCKY CANON & TYSON KIDD

Story of this match is that Lucky & Kidd being a cohesive unit, and Byron & Yoshi not being one. Team Heel is pretty much destroying Yoshi while Saxton watches. After getting beat up for 10 minutes. Eventually Yoshi goes for a tag, but Saxton avoids it and leaves him for dead. Yoshi counters this by not selling everything that has happened till now, and just starts destroying Lucky and Tyson. He's about to actually finish someone off; when Saxton blind tags himself in. They fight about this till Yoshi shoves Bryon… who trips and gets locked into the Sharpshooter by Tyson for the win.

WINNERS: Lucky Canon & Tyson Kidd

Saxton gets up and starts yelling at Yoshi for costing him yet another match…. A fair point. Yoshi responds with actually a great counterpoint, as he tells that by letting his anger consume him, Saxton is actually defeating himself…. No, actually he just kicks him in the head.

Wow, this match did something I never thought I'd see. It made all those involved look terrible. Yoshi looks like a lousy wrestler (and pro) for just pretending he wasn't beaten up. Tyson and Lucky looked weak for not being able to take one guy. And Jesus Christ, they ripped Saxton apart!

Oh, BTW… I forgot to tell you some great news. The streak will continue! Yes, tonight it will be Titus O'Neil vs Darren Young again in the first ever No DQ on NXT! For the seventh time! Say it with me people!

FUCK! THIS MATCH!

OFF TOPIC: On RAW, they had Kharma break down and cry. This week on RAW, they seek to finish the job by having her talk!

We return to a recap of the start of the Alberto Del Rio/Big Show feud… am I the only one who finds it a little tasteless that less than week after we lost one of the greatest wrestlers of all time in a car accident… we see a car accident on TV? I mean really WWE?

We get a recap of the whole Young/O'Neil feud from last week, including the beatdown on Hornswoggle. This cuts to a promo with Chavo Guerrero and Darren Young. He says he told Darren to trust him, and look what happens. He is the one who ended Titus O'Neil's undefeated streak, even beating him twice. Okay, problem here. Several actually. Titus was undefeated thanks to beating Darren Young like 4 times. Plus, as part of this master plan, you made Darren go on a losing streak for 3 months! This includes making him lose to a dwarf. This was equivalent trade for 2 wins? See this is what happens when a jobber is planning your future!

JTG is out as he still has a job after Novak's elimination… against Conor O'Brien. Joy.

OFF TOPIC: Why is Cody Rhodes doing nothing on Smackdown when he's the best heel there?

JTG VS CONOR O'BRIEN

We come to yet another match that makes the Rookie look like shit. It's a very impressive system WWE has here. JTG dominates Conor from bell to bell. No joke, its pretty much a squash match you'd expect to see on WWE Wrestling Challenge.

And here's the excellently booked ending… Conor gets a small package from out of nowhere, and its over.

WINNER: Conor O'Brien

Bullshit. Conor should not have had the energy to do that, let alone hold JTG down for a 3 count after 5 minutes of getting beat up. It's an instance that screams "This is fake", and yes I know it is, but it doesn't need it to be so freakin glaring.

Anyway, JTG jumps Conor and pounds him for a little bit, till Koslov gets in there and hits a headbutt to get rid of JTG cause he sucks and headbutts are about the extent of what he can do.

Titus in the back looking for Hornswoggle in a "hilarious" backstage segment. OH! Look at that, he was hiding in the duffle bag! He can do this because he's small, you see. That is so "clever" and "new". Titus tells his Pro/Child/Teacher/Parasite that he is going to handle Darren and Chavo by himself. A claim I'd call bullshit on ordinarily, but considering the people in question that he's talking about are Darren Young and Chavo Guerrero, that goal is probably really attainable!

OFF TOPIC: BTW, I will being posting the results to the NXT Awards next week! Thanks for all those who entered!

DARREN YOUNG VS TITUS O'NEIL – NO DQ… AND NO END TO THIS SERIES IN SIGHT

FUCK. THIS. MATCH!

Okay, I'll comment this much about this match. These guys REALLY blew it this time. They had a chance to do something really interesting for this show, and even make the fact that they've wrestled 7 times now tolerable. However, even with this match stip, it was more of the same old shit. For the most part, they wrestled a standard "Young vs. O'Neil" match. I think they took advantage of the no dq rule twice here. I know I shouldn't expect much from NXT, but you' expect they'd at least not be able to fuck up a No DQ rule.

The end comes as Chavo and Darren finally just start double teaming Titus. It cuts to the back and Hornswoggle, who gets pissed and runs off. Swoggle comes to ringside and proceeds to take out 2 grown men. Okay, Titus was helping, but I still fucking hate him. The end comes as Titus grabs Swoggle and proceeds to us him as a battering ram to nail both Chavo and Darren in the skull… with Swoggle's skull…. Who should now have several concussions… oh what fucking ever, man… Clash of the Titus ends it.

WINNER: TITUS O'NEIL

Seriously now, how these guys keep wrestling each other? Do they not trust the other guys there or something?

END OF SHOW!

BEST THING OF THE NIGHT, OR "THE DEWEY AWARD": The idea of a stipulation match was actually welcome, and I wished they tried it more often.

AWFUL THING OF THE NIGHT, OR "THE REESE AWARD": The execution of said stipulation. Darren and Titus managed to make a cool stip boring. Sad part? Titus will still win NXT.

WTF MOMENT OF THE NIGHT, OR "THE FRANCIS AWARD": Here's the lesson of this show. The Rookies are worthless, and they can't do anything without their Pros. Who ever wins NXT is moot, as once they win, they lose their Pro. Afterwards, once again, they are worthless. This is why I hate NXT… It's a show that sets out to make sure we know that these new guys are worthless.

Hey, did you know I have a Podcast? Yes, it's true! "The Rundown Wrestling Review" Podcast is a show featuring me and my good buddy Adam as we review and talk about the major happening in wrestling! Like to be in on it? Of course ya do! Just contact me via twitter or either email address, and I'll add ya to the mailing list! Any comments or constructive criticism is appreciated!

Twitter: @NotintheMiddle

Email: Malcolmnotinthemiddle@gmail.com

Podcast: Rundownwrestling@gmail.com

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TWF FLASHBACK

November 2006

SATIRE: DISCONTINUED WWE XMAS PRODUCTS!

by Sean Carless

With Christmas just around the corner, what better way to spend your few remaining dollars (left over after the seemingly infinite line-up of fucking pay-per-views ) then on the following "quality WWE merchandise!" After all, if they don't move this stuff, and fast, stockholders just might get time to figure out what "plummeting domestic buyrates" means!... and well, I don't think they need to tell you what that means! (Seriously. They're not telling you. Everything is fine! Ahem.).